Last Sunrise & Gravity
by 3H
Summary: Struggles w/telling the truth have kept Jake&Ness apart.Now,after the truth has unravelled about the imprint&Jake's past,they can call eachother soulmates.BUT what happens when 1 of them get kidnapped? 2seperate stories,tiny lemons,w/plot summaries.
1. Book I Chapter 1 My Life is Magic

**NOTE: This is my first fan fiction, so bare with me**_**. I do not own these characters**_**. Suggestions and reviews are always welcome. Takes place, a year and a half after Breaking Dawn. **

**Chapter LIFE IS MAGIC**

_It's been years. Years since my world changed, but it's only been eighteen months since my life has been completely altered. My entire opinion on the world had been flipped upside down, like an hourglass. Nothing was simple. Nothing was enjoyable. Vampires were real, werewolves existed, and I was a one of them. The true Alpha of my people, being originally designed to kill any vampire that threatened my family, my people and my pack on my homeland. _

_ When, we had started the Cullen's had been our main irritation but the treaty, which my great-grandfather, Ephraim Black had negotiated with the Cullen's years ago stopped us. The treaty that not only protected their identity but restricted us from killing them, only because they were 'vegetarian bloodsuckers' and swore to never bite a human or come to Quileute Land. In truth, nomad vampires were the precise adversary. Quickly, the Cullen's became our allies when there were more threatening 'New Born' vampires entered Clallam county and Olympia state parks, not only slaughtering any human they thirsted for but their main purpose was to kill my best friend, Bella. All a revenge tactic for a red-headed siren, named Victoria. This was all because Bella's immortal boyfriend, Edward had killed Victoria's mate James. I wish I could be angry at Edward for all of this. To a certain extent, this was his entire fault. Him and his family, being the reason I was a shape shifter, taking my teenage years away from me, stealing the woman I loved, getting her pregnant with a half vampire-human and making my life more complicated than it had to be. _

_To a certain extent this Bella was at fault for this too, putting her life in harm's way just for Edward's love and his monstrous baby. But to Bella this was her image of magic, having that child was magic. She swore to me that if magic could happen for her than soon it would be waiting for me. Who knew her magic would also be mine. _

_In the beginning, when I first found out Bella was pregnant shock and disgust had entered my mind. Angry towards Bella for wanting to protect a monster, I was past disgust and to the point of hate. I hated that demon that lived inside her belly. Breaking bones, putting her through pain and almost positively going to kill her. The worst part, Bella wanted that child and insisted on me to be around constantly. Like a fool, I agreed to stick around but her desire to be around me was killing me , it felt as if she kept leading me on. Only I knew I had no chance now. Yes, I stayed, being forced to watch my best friend be sentenced to death, by her demon of a child. After, I believed Bella had died, my feeling had been pushed further into whirlwind of vile passion._

_But then she was born, and my whole life changed from before, once again flipping that hour glass. Nothing mattered, nothing except her safety, her happiness and her total well being. Renesmee, was my world, my magic. I no longer existed to destroy vampires, I am not sure if I ever did. I only existed for her. Along the way both Bella and Edwards didn't completely destroy my life, they gave me Renesmee. They gave me the imprinting I longed for, to get over Bella, to not feel rejection and heart ache. Renesmee must have been the only reason I loved Bella so much. After all Renesmee was apart Bella. I had a pull towards her and her to me. All that left when Nessie came into the world. _

_I loved her more than life itself. My connection was almost paternal, except I had no biological connection to her. All I knew there was no way I could stay away from her innocent and uncomplicated mind. She was my reason to get up each morning and the reason I went to sleep each night, just so, I could get up the next day and see her stunning face. _

_Then Carlisle suggested they moved soon, especially since Nessie was aging so rapidly and people around Forks were beginning to notice. It was impossible to see her every day now, since they moved up to Port Angeles. At first I thought my life was ending when they said they were moving an hour Northeast of La Push. It was depressing for a bit but eventually I felt at ease with the situation. I would visit often heading up to Port Angeles two or three times a week. Renesmee couldn't stay away from me longer than a day or two, so they visited Forks and La Push often, a couple times a week or so. _

A silent purr of an exotic car came from up the street. It was around noon, which meant my little Nessie was on her way over, today. Every other Saturday I would get her from noon to the evening, and occasionally an entire weekend. When I could hear the car being put in park, right away I flew to the front door. Composing myself a bit before I stepped out the front door, I could feel the temporary madness and burst of excitement within me. I waited for a bit before I opened the door, I didn't want to seem too desperate to see her, but I knew Edward could hear my thoughts. I could easily block my thoughts if I tried but when it came to Nessie I was beyond susceptible. Whenever she entered my mind, the entire world didn't matter.

Stepping outside and off the front porch, I had planned to go to the car and get Nessie myself but I didn't get that chance. The rear door of the sleek black BMW 760Li flew open and she charged at me like a child on Christmas morning. It was as if she had just seen all the presents under the tree and couldn't help but stampede towards the fascinating shiny boxes. It always left me in wonderment why I couldn't take my eyes of this cute youngster.

"Jacob, My Jacob!!!" She shouted energetically as she ran towards me. When finally made it to my feet she wrapped her miniature arms around my left leg squeezing as tightly as she could. After her brisk hug, she was jumping up and down overly excited. Her tiny hand wrapped around my index finger suddenly, a burst of gold glazed over my minds vision, followed by a mental image of me picking Nessie up.

"Kay, I can take a hint." I lifted my best friend's daughter up, throwing her in the air, resulting in her giggles. Any child's laughter would make a person smile but her laughter satisfied my soul. My entire being, felt complete when she was happy, when she was with me. I looked over to Bella and Edward, her vampire parents watching to make sure she had safely made her way to me. Bella had just shut the back seat door and Edward's arms were folded resting over the hood of the car. Both their amber eyes reached mine.

"Wave bye." I hinted to the joyful girl that rested in my arms. Nessie's hand lifted and instead of moving side to side, the tiny wrist flicked up and down, almost in a mischievous manner. _I'll take care of her._ When Edward gave me a slight nod, I knew his telepathic mind had heard my promise. I turned to Renesmee watching her still wave a see ya later, as her pale faced parents waved back while stepping back into their showy car. The engine then turned on and sped off.

Turning, I began to walk to my tiny shack of a house. "How's my little Loch Ness Monster?" I asked, moving her waved hair out of her eyes.

"Oh I'm no monster." She giggled and furiously shook her head, disagreeing.

"No, you ain't? Then what are ya?"

Her little smile gleamed in the sunlight. "A wolf, like you."

"Yesterday, you were the Loch Ness and today you're a wolf? Make up your mind."

"I want to be a wolf! Like you."

"Fine, fine you can be a wolf."

She then proceeded to tell me about her day. She went on and on about every little detail: the human food Esme had asked her to eat, brightly colored fruity cereal didn't interest her the least bit, her brushing her teeth on her own with her brand new yellow tooth brush and bubble gum flavored toothpaste, the brand new outfit Alice had bought, that she hated, and Carlisle taking her measurements. The cereal bothered her most though; human food just wasn't something that appealed to her.

"You're half human Ness you still need to eat human food." I placed her down on the ground shutting the door behind me.

When she huffed, I knew she was peeved that I had not only set her down but because I always made sure she ate human food. Perhaps, she was just annoyed that I had interrupted her. Her little nose wrinkled then she retorted my comment, "Sure, sure."

I snickered a bit. She repeats a lot of the things I say, not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing? But it was cute; I especially enjoyed how much it irritated Bella and Blondie. Her speech was amusing, sometimes she sounded the age she looked and other times you would forget she was only eighteen months old informing you about world history or how Seth was one of the gentlest souls she's ever met.

When she kept talking, I rolled my eyes, not in annoyance but partial humor, to me it was never-ending. At this moment, I wished she used her powers to show me her day rather than talk about it; it would have gone by much quicker. Otherwise, I knew her useless babble would last for hours. None the less, I hung on her every word. "… and I finally finished my math," She finished.

My stomach grumbled a bit. The feeling of hollowness was in my gut but I wasn't too hungry I decided to settle for a snack.

"Hungry?" She inquired patting her belly then pointing at my stomach.

"Sure am. Now what did you say about your math?"

"I finished it."

She followed me into the kitchen, still discussing her math.

"Wow that took you like a hundred years." I teased finding a snack. I snatched the green apple from the fridge and took a bite.

"No, not that long. Just an hour. I hate math."

"You and me both, kid."

Math was never my subject in high school. I got by, by coping homework and cheating on tests. That was clearly the only reason for me being a high school dropout, or so I told myself. Who was I kidding, a few years ago there was too much drama for me to even sleep soundly at night, let alone live my life and go to school. First off the constant worry about Bella's life was constantly running through my mind, reports, studying, homework and perhaps school activities, patrol and Billy. That was an awfully lot for me to handle at once, so dropping out seemed like the best choice.

"Jakey, I have wonderful news."

"What? What is it?" I spoke as if I was so intrigued, it amused me to see her so eager about things.

Her brilliant dark hazel brown eyes lit up when she began to speak. Over time they had lightened up a bit only darkening to a deep brown when she was thirsty for blood, not hungry for food. Though they did look a bit darker than usual, a deep brown usually indicated she was thirsty but I could tell the current shade of hazel brown meant she was just hungry. I grabbed a knife and sliced a piece of the apple off for her hoping that was why her eyes were a bit darker than they should be. She grabbed the slice of apple, speedily fit in her comment, "Daddy said since I did all my homework you could stay the night," she smiled catching her breath, then adding," Tonight!"Then she ate the slice of apple, I had just given her.

Now at about the physical age of a three or four year old and the intelligence of a twelve year old, Edward felt the need that she needed to be educated since won't be able to go to public school since her growth is so rapid. Bella and I disagreed with the amount of work he gives her but she always amazes all of us by never feeling overwhelmed. I had a talk with Jasper about that, asking him to inform me if she ever felt stressed about not just with homework but anything else. I was grateful that he has not yet had to tell me that she has ever been unhappy. I knew that day she said she was unhappy was the day, I would do anything to make her blissful, no matter how much it hurt me or anyone else, as long as she was happy I was too.

But for now she was excited to do homework and she felt lucky to have the 'smartest daddy ever' as she put it, teaching her. She compliantly did her math, grammar, history and music, with no problems. Usually getting her weeks work completed in a couple hours just so she'd have the rest of the week to play and hunt, with me, her favorite person in the entire world. To Edward's annoyance, she always did her schoolwork so quickly that he tagged on more on the weekends. Which is why, she had completed math today, on a Saturday morning.

"YAY!" I victoriously threw my hands in the air, showing her how excited I was, to be able to stay over at her home in Port Angeles.

"Yaaaayyyy!" she imitated. She halted looking around the house, "Is Dad home?" she wondered stepping further into the tiny living room. A gigantic grin spread across my face, she loved my dad as much as I did. She had grown accustomed to calling him dad because, like I said, she repeated the things that I said and emulated my actions.

"Dad?" she called out for him running to the back of the house "Billy?" She flew through the entire house in her vampire speed. It was as if she hadn't left the room at all. Plopping myself on the tiny couch, I finished the apple and turned the TV on. She stood in front of me looking at me with her porcelain doll face.

"Where's Billy?" she questioned cocking her head to the side. I couldn't help but smile; she had that effect on me.

"He's with Grandpa Charlie fishing." I notified her on my father's where-abouts.

Her cheery little face turned into a glower. I almost felt guilty for giving her the truth but she deserved nothing but. "He said he'd take _me_ fishing."

She crawled up on my lap, once again asking another question, "Will he be home soon?"

"Yeah, soon." I said, "You hungry?" I asked watching her eyes blink several times.

Her eyelids sank and quickly opened fighting sleep. She shook her head and wrapped her arms around my neck. "You should probably take a nap," I said laying us both back on the tan couch, letting my feet hang over the armrest. It wasn't exactly that comfortable but if she was at ease I was too.

I knew that if I had suggested a nap most likely she would listen; I also could use a nap since I hadn't slept in twenty four hours. Nomad vamps running around had the pack and I on edge especially since we can't find them. Their trail always ended up in a creek or a stream, ocean or lake their scent always being lost at the water's edge. It frustrated not just me but the entire pack, we would follow the rivers and searched along the coast line to hopefully be reacquainted with their scent again but we could never find it.

After a couple of weeks I needed a break. I asked the pack if they'd be alright with me taking the weekend off to spend time with Ness. Although, I was Alpha, I still felt as if I needed their approval; in every aspect. None of them cared much, except for Leah.

She always resented it when any of the pack was with the Cullen's. Leah still feels slightly bitter towards the Cullen's, only because they're, as she calls them, vegetarian bloodsucking vamps. In her eyes, they're still vampires and she'll always feel wary about them, only because they were vampire. I knew, even though she wouldn't admit it, she had a soft spot for Nessie, as did all the pack.

Renesmee, loved my pack as if it was her own family, she loved Leah the most for whatever reason and Seth was her 'buddy'. I never knew what to tell her why she wondered about why Lee-Lee disliked her when she loved her so much. All I could say was Lee-lee was like that with everyone.

Nessie's fluttering heart slowed a bit, telling me that she was asleep. I grabbed her hand to see her dreams. I knew as she grew I couldn't do this any longer; it was an invasion of her privacy. But it always told me what her favorite part of her day was. She usually dreamed about the day's happenings, something she wants and an occasional nightmare about the Volturi. I hated them for making her feel scared, though I wasn't sure if it was fear or just her memory and perception of the visit they had payed us not too long ago. Last week, she dreamed about killing one of them when Charlie was in danger. Today, she was dreaming about running through the forest with me, hunting and playing hide and seek. Gradually, my visions blurred and I too was asleep.


	2. Chapter 2 Since when does she

CHAPTER 2 –Since when does she keep her mouth shut?

The faint sound of Nessie's tiny voice echoed to my ears. Wearily, I opened my eyes, automatically searching for the soft soprano coming from across the room. Rolling over, I saw Nessie happily sitting on my father's lap, flipping through a book. Looking closely at the leather book, I recognized it. It was my photo album, which she must have taken out of my night stand.

I wasn't surprised at all. She was constantly rummaging through my house; she was such a curious being. Luckily, I had nothing inappropriate lying around the house.

"When will I meet Becca?" her perky voice questioned.

"Someday. She'll visit soon." My father's profound bass voice answered.

"She's pretty, like Rachel."

My dad agreed with her statement, "Rachel and Rebecca are both very beautiful."

Lying there, I watched her interact with my father. It was nice to rest and take in the moment. Her cobalt painted fingernails traced the picture in the photo album, "Twins?" She suggested unsure of herself. The crease between her eyebrows became very noticeable, something she had become known for. Frowning was just something she did, it notified that she was thinking deeply about a subject.

"Because they look the same they're twins. Right?" She stated with the line still visible in her forehead.

"Yep." My dad smiled down at her. She returned the same smile and looked back down at the book. Angling her head slightly to the left, she concentrated on the picture she was currently looking at.

"Who's this pretty lady with the green eyes?"

"Uhm, Jacob's mom." My dad's voice cracked a bit. ,"Sarah."

"She's beautiful, like Jake."

Til this day my father couldn't talk about my mother without showing distress in some form, neither could I, and Nessie took notice. Her eyes carried concern, and not in a childlike way but in a mature way. Her nurturing spirit came as she spoke trying to console my father.

"It's okay Billy."

She patted his shoulder and gave him a brief hug then released. I saw my dad's eyes tear up a bit but Ness broke his sadness with a bit of her humor.

"Do we need Uncle Jasper?" I laughed when she said that, Jasper being able to control emotions, and all. My dad now knew almost everything about the Cullen's ; their names, talents and even birthdays. Nessie told him everything about her family and she told her family whole lot about the pack. Only after my approval, it was strange how she always wanted my approval on stuff.

"No, No." He laughed, but he was still discontent at the moment. I cleared my throat hopefully to change the subject in some way. At that same exact moment, Nessie's eyes were on me.

"Jake's awake!" she jumped of my father's lap and shot to my side. "Morning, Jacob."

Smiling brightly, making sure I heard her as I sat up.

"Morning, Nessie. Were you buggin Billy?"

"No," she whined, with her lips pouting. "Dad was showing me pictures of you and Rachel and Rebecca when you were little."

"Oh really?"

And with great amazement she continued, "And your momma."

"Ahh."

"Where is she?"

"Well," I sighed, "She's in heaven." My dad tried to wheel out of the room, but there was no point he could hear me where ever he went in the house.

"Oh. But that's in the sky above the clouds, how do you get there?"

"Uh," I was stumped. How could I explain this to a girl that has never experienced death? _Does she already know? Apparently not if she's asking._ I decided to be honest with her; she must have known what to die means. "You have to die."

She rested her elbows on my knees and placed her head in her palms. "Die? What's exactly is die?"

Well, shoot. Never did I plan to have this conversation with her. With her curriculum, I couldn't understand how she was oblivious about death. What was Edward teaching her? I hope she's as intelligent as I tell everyone she is because I didn't have a better way to explain this to her.

"To die is when someone's spirit leaves their body and never comes back."

She lifted her head of her palms and stood up, taking her elbows off my knees. That crease appeared between her eyes again. She bent her head down, thinking. While lifting her head she asked, "Is it bad to die?"

"No, it's not bad to die," I let her know, "It's bad to kill." I decided to add that just for good measure.

Before I knew it she left the room, probably to retrieve and show me another oddly shaped rock or a bug she trapped in a jar.

My dad's shook his head, with half of his lip curved up, probably remembering my mother and trying to rid of the memories of her. He then took a notice to me observing him. "Hey son."

"Hi, Dad," I rubbed the sleep from my face, "How long has she been awake?"

Setting the photo album down on the coffee table, he wheeled closer towards me talking simultaneously. "Just since I got home about, an hour and a half ago."

"Sorry 'bout that."

"No worries, son. I don't mind watching after her. She's a joy to have around, it'll give me practice since Rachel and Paul are planning on kids soon."

"Did ya catch anything?"

"The fish weren't biting today."

Before I got another word to my father, Nessie came darting in the living room. She was standing to my tops of my feet, giving her a bit more height so that she met me eye to eye.

"Jacob! Look what Billy and I made." She grinned holding up a dream catcher.

"It's beautiful." She placed the catcher in my hands and I held it up examining it. It was brown leather wrapped around the ring, inside was the most perfect webbing I have ever seen on a dream catcher. The webbing held brown, blue and turquoise beading only along the outer edges. They faded from brown, dark blue, light blue to turquoise. Hanging from the bottom was of course two of the wolf carving she had me make for her months ago and three peacock feathers in between each wolf.

"You really made this?"

"Yes," she nodded proudly.

"Are you lying to me? You couldn't make this just today?" I said looking at the interact beading and web work, clearly it had taken her weeks even months but then again, this was Renesmee Cullen anything she did left everyone bewildered.

"No, I wouldn't lie to you. It has taken me a long time. Almost two months." She said lifting her index and middle finger in front of my face.

She continued, "Every Tuesday Daddy takes me to Grandpa Charlie's and Billy would help me there. But it's for you, for your birthday."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yep. It's tomorrow."

"So why'd you give it to me today?"

"Because I couldn't wait for you to see it. Do you like it?"

"I love it." I said giving her a giant bear hug, lifting her off the floor. After putting her feet back on the ground, she carried on, "We're having a bon fire at the beach. With food."

"Food? I hate food."

"No you don't you love food."

"Do you know what else I want to do for my birthday?"

"WHAT?"

"We should go hunting."

"Yeah!"

"And play hide and seek."

"Yeah, Yeah!" The anticipation was welling up inside her.

With a sustainment in my speech I informed her on when we could do these activities she so greatly enjoyed. "Right now."

And that was it, she exploded. "YEAH, YEAH!!!! Let's go! Bye Dad!"

"Bye Ness." My dad bid adieu with a glib of a smile.

Nessie, had a tight hold on my hand and was trying her best get me to stand up and get off the couch. As I stood, her voice reverberated with a vast amount of eagerness and annoyance, "Come on Jake."

With all her force she began tugging at my pant leg, attempting to haul my body out the front door. With a smirk and raised eye brow I said, "Bye Dad."

"Bye Jake, " he chuckled. As I stepped out the door his deep low voice echoed to me eyes, "He sure loves that girl."

She took off into the back yard hiding first as always. "Don't go too far Nessie!" I always warned her to stay near the house when I wasn't in my wolf form. Of course it was unsafe, but I really didn't feel like wandering around on four legs today. I have been in wolf form about three entire days this week. Walking around the yard I called out for Nessie, acting like I couldn't find her. The faint scent of earthy smells filled the air. It was a pleasant smell of orange blossoms, rain, freesia and strawberries. From the smell, I could tell exactly where Nessie was or had been, currently the scent helped me find where she hid. I walked to the edge of my yard and looked up in the evergreen pine. Looking up I triumphantly called, "Found Ya!" I could hear he giggle rushing down closer towards me after she jumped down, landing in my arms.

"Now you hide Jake, Hide."

"Okay." She jumped up from my arms and started counting. She stood there covering her eyes and I began searching for a hiding spot.

"One. Two. Three. Four," She peaked threw her fingers, then frowned at me as I stood behind a tree. "No. Turn into a wolf Jake."

I knew she wanted to journey further into the forest, it was her favorite thing to do. She enjoyed observing the nature and she always found something new each time we ventured into the Olympia forests.

"Hey how about I give you a head start and I'll catch you."

Her face beamed with excitement. Immediately, she was out of my sight. I undressed and left my clothes on the back porch.

Her scent became stronger once I was in my wolf form. My feet dug into the moist earth, that was a result of the previous rain fall. Quickening my speed, trees were flying past me. I dodged every free trunk, rock, boulder, plant and fallen tree that was in my way. Following the sweet scent trail she left behind, when her aroma became more present I slowed, knowing I had caught up with her. I marched forward seeking her out.

"Jacob!!!!" Her tiny voice shrieked to my left. I've never heard her scream like that. My heart filled with panic and fear that she was harmed in some way. My heart accelerated along with my speed to reach her. I could easily feel the pounding in my chest. Thump. Thump. Thump. The sound was pounding in my ears and Renesmee's scream bounced around the walls of mind. The sound petrified me, worse than the first time I phased, even more the when Bella's life was in danger.

I ended up at the cliffs edge near Strawberry Bay. I could see her standing at the cliffs edge startle and frozen stiff. An angered crease was plastered between her eye brows. On her face was a true glower . An expression I have never seen on her face before. _Ness?_ I thought in my head. When I came up behind her she turned, I've never seen such a malicious expression not even from Leah. There again was that wrinkle between her brows. When she met my gaze, her hard look faded fast. Her face read fear, anger and shock all at once I couldn't tell what was the matter with her. After that split second, I could tell she was relieved to see me. Pivoting her stance she sprinted to me wrapping her arms around my fury neck.

"Go, Go." She struggled to speak.

Before anything, I sprinted to my home. I asked her to go in the house, in my mind of course, while I nudged her with the top of my head. She went inside and I phased back. I dressed as quickly as I could and barged through the back door her tiny body crashed into mine before I even stepped inside the house. I picked her up and she grasped me tighter than she's ever done so before. Trembling and her heavy breathing worried me. Cautiously, I rubbed her back, rocking her back and forth. Walking through the house I sat on my bed and asked her, "What is it? What's wrong?"

My dad wheeled himself to the thresh hold of my room. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know."

"Ness, please. Did you see something?"

She didn't answer me, she just climbed out of my arms and hid under my pillow.

"Dad, call Sam ask if he's seen anything, today. And call Leah too."

He nodded and rolled himself out of my sight.

"Renesmee, were you scared?"

Yet again no answer. I pulled the pillow off the top of her head and turned her body around so I could look her in the eyes. Speedily, her hands flew over her eyes covering an eye contact I might make.

"Renesmee, I need to know what's the matter," I picked her up and set her in my lap.

"Please, tell me why you're upset." I asked.

Once again, she wrapped her arms around my neck and whispered, "I can't say."

"If you want me to make it go away, you need to tell me."

"No," she shook her head furiously.

After twenty minutes of begging and pleading with her I got no answer. I even bribed her with my own blood. Offering for her to take a quick sip from my arm but she was so stubborn. My dad said Sam hadn't phased since the night before and Leah said it must have been the same vamp we were chasing last night. If that's what Renesmee even saw.

An hour later she still wasn't talking. I needed to take her back to Edward, he could tell me what was the matter with her. Or even Jasper could help tell me what she is feeling, I'm not sure what her emotions held. And I couldn't stand not knowing exactly how she felt.

CHAPTER 3 PREVIEW

_Eagerly I asked Edward, "WHAT IS SHE THINKING!?"_

"_I can't hear her thoughts."_

"_What?" Jasper and I both said in unison._

"_She doesn't want me to know."_

_Turning to Jasper, I wanted him to explain her emotions. What was she feeling? What the hell was going on? What did she see? "Jasper?" He knew what I needed. He knew what I wanted. What was she feeling?_

_Jasper didn't speak yet, before Edward took off. "I'm going to talk to Carlisle."_

What did ya'll think? Is it worthy or another chapter?


	3. Chapter 3 Tight Lipped Little Girl

**NOTE: This a long chapter but a good one. I own nothing! =)**

CHAPTER 3 –Tight lipped little Girl-

The dirt road turned to asphalt half way through the road, the difference could be felt beneath the car's tires. My Rabbit at last came to the giant light blue house at the end of the road. It was a dignified old Victorian mansion with white trimming and black shutters. The wraparound porch had rocking chairs and porch swings scattered in every possible space. The Cullen's spent much of their time out here, admiring at the ocean in their side yard. It reminded me of La Push a bit, but it wasn't home and Renesmee didn't think so either.

Alice was sitting on the porch railing with both index fingers pressed to her temples. As I put the car in park, she uncrossed her legs and smiled gleefully. When I opened the car door I could already hear her silky tone.

" I knew someone was coming," she admitted proudly.

Stepping out of my car, I confessed that to her. "Someone's proud of themselves."

She said a sarcastic smile my way as I unbuckled Ness's booster seat. I let her out and set her on the asphalt. Beginning to walk towards Alice, I owned up about the fact that her visions were improving.

"You're getting good Pixie."

In the past eighteen months, Alice has gained a bit of her harbinger thoughts back, even with Ness and I around. She was no longer completely immune to us. With us constantly around her she was bound to get used to us. On occasion we would still completely block out her vision of forthcoming events.

A tiny blur rushed by me and was now around Alice's leg. "Hi Auntie Alice."

"Hi, Nessie." After a quick hug, Renesmee scampered through the screen door and into the house, or mansion I should say.

With her all knowing expression Alice eyed me, "Why are you back so early? It's only five o'clock." She wondered looking down at her wrist, where a shiny silver wrist watch rested.

"Didn't see that coming, now did ya?"

Bowing her head, she answered defeated, "No." After lifting her head she raised an eyebrow at me, wanting an answer from her question.

"I need to speak to Edward."

"Oh, he isn't here. He went hunting with Jasper."

"Do you know when they'll be back?"

"About five thirty. What wrong with Ness?"

"I'm not sure, she won't tell me."

"But she tells you everything."

"Could you go get Edward, I need him to read Renesmee's thoughts and maybe Jasper can feel her emotions."

"Yes, I'll be back with them in fifteen minutes. Bella's in her room."

After stepping in the door Bella immediately wanted to know why I was back so early and quickly I told her about what had happened two hours ago. Nessie stood in the corner of the room curtsying in shame.

"I'm sorry Momma." Renesmee apologized with such remorse. Her eyes wondered up to mine and with guilt she apologized to me also. "I am so, sorry my Jacob."

"Renesmee, you didn't do anything wrong." I told her.

"Renesmee,please go to your room." Bella spoke demandingly. Ness stood there hesitantly. "Go on." Bella urged. Hurriedly, she ran out of the room with her hair whipping behind her. Bella reacted furiously after sending Renesmee to her room, accusing me of being, thoughtless and carless. Saying she trusted me with her daughter's life and I let her down because I did not properly take care of her daughter. I defended myself the best I knew how. After a couple of minutes of bickering, particularly about nothing, there was someone who peeked their head inside the doorway and cleared their throat.

Both Bella and I turned in the direction of the grunt, a bit startled.

Carlisle looked at us as if we were two children about to be reprimanded for fighting over a toy.

"Please, keep it down you two. You are upsetting Ness."

"Sorry Carlisle."

"Sorry, Doc. Is she-"

"Emmett and Esme are with her playing Monopoly, trying to keep her thoughts elsewhere."

It made sense that she was playing Monopoly. Not only was she much too intelligent for games such as Chutes and Latters, she was a pro at it. With other games like Candyland, she would quickly get frustrated and bored, no pun.

" I should go talk to her." Bella insisted after hearing about Ness's distress.

Carlisle stopped her, "Not just yet, you two need to solve whatever needs to be solved. So, if it's possible could you both finish your chat in my office?"

"Yeah." We both said simultaneously.

"Civilly?" It sounded more stated rather than a question.

We both agreed but Bella didn't hold her temper well. This was so unlike Bella, angry and somewhat cruel towards me.

"Didn't you search, look for something or someone? What the hell were you thinking!?" she screamed at me, with spit flying everywhere. And I thought I was the one with a short temper?

"Bells calm down." I asked as calmly as I could. Taking notice at her rage, she straightened up and breathed a heavy sigh.

"I'm sorry Jake, but why didn't you look for whatever it was, what if it was-"

Cutting her off, "I didn't smell anything and if I did you think I would have let her out of my sight. I didn't have time to go back to check."

Accusingly she spoke, "You should have checked."

"Bella, Jacob did what he thought was best." Carlisle said with such understanding and patience.

"I headed straight here to see if you or Edward could figure out why she's so freaked. She won't tell me. Hell, I don't even know if she was scared or angry or shocked."

"We'll ask Jasper." Emmett said as if he had just came up with the most brilliant plan ever.

"Fine, but you need to talk to her, now," I said to Bella impatiently.

Her face hardened and then it held a glower as if something had just hurt her feelings.

But quickly she came back out of her day dream.

"Jacob, she speaks to you more and tells you more than she tells Edward and I put together."

Knowing she was right, I wasn't sure what to say. I scratched the back of my head frustrated. She's her mother, she could make Renesmee tell her. I flinched at the thought of forcing her to do something but it seemed to be the only idea I had at the moment.

Clearing my throat, I felt mortified at the words that were about to leave my mouth.

"But you're her mom, make her tell you."

"I'll try."

She went in Nessie's room and came out just as fast.

"Not a word. She wants her Jacob. Edward should be back soon I'll let him try."

"I asked Alice to go find him."

"Yeah, Edward'll figure it out whether she talks or not." Emmett added. Sometime he had joined us in Carlisle's study, but I was too concerned with Renesmee to take notice as in when he had joined.

"For once his freaky mind reading thing is going to come in handy." That thought I had been harboring for some time and now I had actually spoken those words out loud.

"Ha, for once." Emmett agreed.

Although we did need Edward, I was more worried about how Ness felt. I didn't want her to feel scared or ashamed in anyway.

"We need Jasper more than Edward, though."

" What do we need Jasper for?" Esme wondered catching the tail end of the conversation.

"I'm not sure what she was feeling. She didn't look scared. She looked angry but when I asked her what it was, she was shaking like she was frightened."

Rosalie said glancing out the window of Carlisle's study, "Alice is here with Edward and Jazz."

Down the hall I could hear Renesemee call my name, "Jacob?"

Esme, Carlisle and Bella were too busy trying to figure out what Nessie had seen out at Strawberry Bay to take notice. Rosalie's eyes shot up to mine. Clearly, she heard it too.

I rushed down the hall to see if she was alright and everyone followed.

"My Jacob?" she said peering around the door. Her deep hazel eyes seemed to fade, to a dull brown.

"Go update Jasper and Edward." Carlisle asked Bella. Before I knew it she was out of the hallway.

"Jake?" Nessie spoke again.

"What is it my Nessie?" I asked picking her up. Her dimpled hand was placed against my cheek where an image of our short day played out in my mind, ending with her sleeping on my chest on the Cullen's living room couch. _Stay with me_? She thought.

Assuring, I smiled and nodded. Smiling back she rested her hand back to my cheek, hazy image of Leah in her human form came into sight.

"What about Leah?" I wondered about her new obsession with my melancholy shewolf friend.

"Where is she? And Seth ?

"At Grandpa Charlie's with Sue."

"Good. I hope they're safe."

"Embry and Quil?" she wondered again.

"In La Push, safe."

I could smell the vampire scent in the hallway. Edward and Bella were behind me with the entire Cullen clan, all crowded in the hallway like sardins in a can. They all heard her off subject query.

"What about Sam's Pack and Emily, Claire?"

"They're all safe. No one's in danger of any kind."

She placed her hand at my cheek and a bright aqua came into my minds vision, followed by both my pack and Sam's pack in wolf form, defending our land against...?

Swiftly my mind went blank and I realized she was just patting my face with her hand.

"What was that?" I asked but she didn't answer.

Hugging me tightly resting her head on my shoulder, I inquired, "Renesmee."

"What is it my Jacob?"

" I need you to talk to your daddy about what you saw today."

Waiting for her to comply, I could see the cynical expression come across her face.

"Put me down." She said angrily. Setting her down I felt the pain in my stomach, I didn't like her being upset with me. Again she frowned pushing her bottom lip out. She started walking into her bedroom, before Edward stopped her.

"Stop, right there."

She halted and spun around, with her face parallel to the hardwood floors under her knelt down at her eye level and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Renesmee, tell us what you saw."

Edward demanded it from her more than he asked. I didn't like it when he did that to her. I swear if he makes her cry, I'll, who am I kidding she's never cried but if he gets her upset I'll kill him. Just before I finished my thoughts,Edward shoot me daggers. Shrugging, I pointed at Nessie so he would focus on the situation at hand, rather than my thoughts.

Ness removed Edward's hand from her should. Stepping forward towards me, her little head tilted up to look at me.

"Jacob?" was all she said. And the way she said my name was with great apprehension and muddled. She shouldn't feel bewildered by my actions. The ache of guilt fell over my emotions. _Was I not supposed to say anything? _I thought to myself and as if she could hear me, her head moved from side to side.

Rose requested an answer, "Please, Ness we need to know."

Completely ignoring Rosalie, Renesmee's giant brown eye stared at me. Walking over to me, she grabbed my hand and stared up at me.

"Are _you_ safe, my Jacob?"

"Always."

The saddest smile appeared on her face when I answered. It carried disbelief. Again the pain in my stomach came back. It was literal this time it wasn't so much pain as it was nauseated pang. I couldn't understand why she was so concerned with all the wolves safety, with my safety.

"Jacob if you don't mind, Bella and I will try to speak to her alone."

"But…"

"It's best if you leave." Edward extended from his original sentence. Renesmee released my hand and entered her room.

Trying to speak again, my voice carried a more frantic verbalization. "But…"

"She keeps thinking about you and your safety. She needs to focus on what she saw."

Bella and Edward went into the room also closing the door behind them.

After a few minutes everyone disappeared. Emmet went down stairs and flipped ESPN on. Clearly, I could hear Michigan State verse Tennessee. I didn't care much for college basketball, so I didn't bother to listen for the score. Alice and Jasper took off most likely to shop or whatever is they do at six thirty in the evening. Carlisle had retired to his office and Esme was in the kitchen cooking . I could smell the country ham she was cooking for Nessie and me creeping upstairs.

Rosalie and I still waited. She leaned against the wall with both her legs and arms crossed. I sank to floor next to the closed bedroom door. I could hear Edward and Bella's pleas but she never said a word, except, "I want my Jacob." Over and over again she repeated each time becoming more unsettled. Each time she said my name was like electric shock. I was becoming more and more sick just sitting out here, knowing she wanted me so badly.

Eventually, Blondie left but before she stepped away she said ," And I thought we could trust her with you."

I thought about asking her to alphabetize a bag of M&M's but it would have take her all day and night. But there was truth in her words and they upset me.

"It 's my fault she's so scared."

"It is," she said mean but for some reason her tone softened, "sort of."

I sat by the door, waiting. Edward could hear her thought's why is this taking so long?

Esme brought me up a plate of food and I ate as I waited, still sitting on the floor. After two hours they were still trying to pry the answer from Renesmee. Alice came up with Jasper. With a worried smile, she collected my dirty dish and headed back down stairs, while Jasper stuck around and asked me a question. "Still nothing?" he asked concerned

"No."

At that moment, the door opened and Edward appeared from the room. Instantly, I sat up wanting to get to Nessie.

"Not yet." Edward said putting his hand on my chest to restrain me, as he shut the door behind him.

Eagerly I asked Edward, "WHAT IS SHE THINKING!?"

"I can't hear her thoughts."

"What?" Jasper and I both said in unison.

"She doesn't want me to know."

Turning to Jasper, I wanted him to explain her emotions. What was she feeling? What the hell was going on? What did she see? "Jasper?" He knew what I needed. He knew what I wanted. _What was she feeling?_

Jasper didn't speak yet, before Edward took off. "I'm going to talk to Carlisle."

"She's angry with us right now." Jasper said folding his arms against his chest.

"What about what she saw?" I questioned.

"Sorry, her emotions are all over the place right now. Ask her about what she saw again, than I could probably tell."

I knocked on the door, hoping I could come in. Though, Bella stepped out and shut the door behind her. The frustration in me was boiling over, they kept shutting me out. All Renesmee wanted was to be with me right now for whatever reason. She needed to feel safe and she shouldn't be in her room alone.

"She didn't say anything." I stated.

Sadly she shook her head quite dauntingly. "She doesn't want to speak to us. She doesn't want me, she wants you." Bella admitted forlornly.

"Angry." Jasper mouth to himself. Looking up at Bella and I he proceeded, "Still, she's still angry with us. Angry in general, frightened too but she's trying to be courageous."

"She's three she doesn't need to be." I conveyed too formidably towards Jasper, as if it was his fault she felt this way.

"She's one." Bella corrected me.

"One and a half." I said short and still ticked off, correcting her. Before I said anymore, something I could regret, I turned to Jasper again.

"Please, help her calm down, maybe sleep." I asked walking down the hallway back to Carlisle's study.

"Already did." He said.

Walking down the hallway to the study I could hear Bella and Jasper's footsteps follow me. We all barged in the office catching the tail end of Edward and Carlisle's conversation.

"So she can block her thoughts?" Edward asked.

"You said you could hear her thoughts, say _leave me alone, I want my Jacob_."

"Yes. All I heard was that recurrently. All she showed was Jacob's face." He was speaking of her power to project her thoughts, emotions and images into another's mind by a simple touch of her palm.

"I think she can only block things she doesn't want you to know about." Carlisle cooly said sitting on his desk. By now every Cullen had found a spot in Carlisle's office.

"How?" Bella was floored by the conclusion that Edward cannot hear Renesmee's thoughts. Frankly, so was I. How could Edward not be able to read her mind? At this moment, we all counted on that.

In disbelief I stated, "Well, that's just great."

"Hmm," Carlisle pondered, "She's never had anything to keep from us before."

"Should we get Eleazar down here?" Rosalie wondered. It was actually a good suggestion since that leech could tell what another vampire's powers are.

"No, I think we shouldn't bother him with this."

Very agitated Bella responded, "This doesn't make sense!" If she could cry I'm sure she would have. She was worried about Renesmee as was I.

"Bella she is your daughter after all." Carlisle spoke with a raised eyebrow.

"What do you mean?" I questioned.

"She only can show us things she wants with her touch, correct?"

No one answered but we all agreed. Carlisle continued, "And she can block out her thoughts apparently, similar to you Bella. The only exception is, if she wants Edward to hear her she'll open her thoughts to him."

Everyone sat and stood around Carlisle's study, completely stunned at the new development in Ness's powers. After a few minutes I broke the silence.

"It's getting late I'm gonna head out." I turned to walk out the, but a pair of cold stone hard hands grasped my shoulders.

"Jake, just stay." Bella's voice offered. "The library has a pull out couch."

"It's not that late," I said, "I'll just head home."

"It's nine O'clock."

"Really?" I wondered. The thought of an hour drive fro Port Angeles back home to La Push just didn't appeal to me.

"Yeah, really. Just stay here I'm sure she'll want to see you tomorrow for your birthday."

"Sure, sure."

She walked over giving me a hug, "Happy early birthday Jake."

"Thanks Bella."

"Night."

Heading to the library I pulled the bed out of the couch and layed down. There were no blankets or pillows and I didn't really need either anyways, I could fall asleep anywhere. Tossing and turning I found it hard to sleep mostly, because Renesmee. I was trying to figure out what she had seen. Before I left with Nessie to take her back to Port Angeles, I had Lead and Sam and asked them to investigate the area. Leah sent me a text informing me that the area was clear of vampires. Sam did also. I picked up my cell and decided to tell them both to call the patrol off for the night. The time read ten forty-eight. I couldn't believe how quickly today flew by and it was almost tomorrow. I was almost eighteen.

"Jakey?"

A light voice cracked. I didn't even have to look to tell it was Nessie. I turned to see her standing at the doorway, with a giant pillow about the same size as her.

"What are you doing up?" I asked, sitting up. "It's late, Nessie."

Dragging the pillow behind her she walked to the side of the bed.

"Couldn't sleep. Can I sleep here with you?" she asked rubbing her eyes.

"Of course."

"I brought you a pillow." She said handing it to me before hoping on the bed. She snuggly fitted on my chest and wrapped her arms around me. She didn't say anything. I could tell she was at ease as her heart beat began to slow, and eventually it was at a normal human pace. That's how I knew she either sleeping or on the verge of sleeping.

"Que Quowle." She whispered.

My heart skipped a beat, my gazed looked down at her to say the same, but she was already soundly asleep. I'm not sure when or where she heard that but I've never told her the meaning nor had even spoken those words to her. The last time I said that was to her mother, years ago.

_"Que Quowle" (k-we k-WOW-le) which means: "Stay with me forever" or so says the internet_

_CHAPTER 4 Preview._

"_Renesmee." I called but she didn't answer or even look up at me, " Nessie? Are you okay?" I questioned sitting next to her. Instantly, my arm was captured in her clutch. She rested her head against my biceps and in an assuming tone she said,"I don't want to lose you." _

_I couldn't understand the way she said it, as if she had already lost me in some way. _

_Lately, she had been so clingy to me. _

"_You'll never lose me."_

_Once again she used the knowing voice, like Alice. "But you're going to die."_


	4. Chapter 4 Yes, I remember Que

_NOTE: This should be helpful to follow the story. (If anyone is reading) I own nothing =) Enjoy…_

**-Nessie's age and Location Chart-**

**Year 1-3 years- Forks, WA**

***Year 2-5 years-Forks/Port Angeles, WA**

**Year3-8 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Year4-10 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Year 5-12 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Years 6- 15 years-Healy, AK**

**Year 7 -17 years-Healy, AK**

Chapter 4 –Yes, I remember Que Quowle-

Eventually, we gave up on asking her about that day. She never spoke a word. It was a little over a year later, March thirtieth. Today was Charlie and Sue Clearwater's wedding. About six months ago Charlie had summonsed up the courage to propose. Seth encouraged it rather. He knew Charlie had boughten the ring and had stashed in the cruiser, where it had been for two months. One day Seth, barged in saying "Charlie, what is this I found in your cruiser?" and set the box on the dining table at Sue's and walked away. Charlie thanked him later. Bella was worried about how Leah would handle it. But to everyone's surprise, Leah wondered why he didn't do it sooner, they've been dating almost two years now and seemed happy.

Of course, Alice designated herself wedding planner. Currently, she was in Charlie's backyard setting up for the ceremony and she had somehow coned me into helping her. I had been the first ready out of the groom's men, which consisted of Seth, my father and I. Seth was still sleeping in Bella's old room and Charlie had just left to pick up the pastor. My dad was comfortably sitting in the living room watching some sport of some kind. I strand a dozens of Christmas lights back and forth between the trees in Charlie's backyard and the gables at the side of the house. The agitating repeating sounds of my cell phone rang from the kitchen. I ran inside the house to answer the call.

It was Bella asking if I could pick up Nessie. Faintly I could hear her in the back ground.

"Let me talk to him, Let me talk to my Jacob." Ness begged.

Laughing she expressed her agitation with Ness, "Jake, she wants to talk to you."

"Put her on."

"Hi Jacob!"

"Hey, Ness. Are you all ready?"

"All ready." I said walking to my car. I could hear Alice and Rosalie wondering where I was going, when I should be helping. I just ignored them; I was too busy talking to my Nessie.

"Hey Jake?" she asked

"What is it?"

"Will?" she paused.

Unlocking my car door, I sat in the driving seat and investigated her delayed question, "What?"

"Will, you be my date?"

I smirked at myself; I didn't think she was going to ask that.

"I thought I already was." I said to amuse her.

"Are you picking me up?"

Putting the keys in the ignition and pulling out onto the deserted road, I made my way back down to La Push to pick up Renesmee. "I'll be there in ten minutes." I informed her.

"Okay, I'm at Sue's house. That's 2354 Hermison Road. "

"I know where Sue lives, I've been there remember?"

"Sure, sure. Bye."

"See ya soon."

"Here's Momma." Then there was a muffled sound and then Bella was again on the phone.

"Jake?"

"I'm here Bells."

"She's been driving us all nuts begging us to hurry up so we can leave and see you."

"I'll be there in a few minutes."

I showed up at Sue's eight minutes later. I walked into the home and followed the noises that lead me to the kitchen. There was a thousand times more chaos going on here than there was at Charlie's. Rosalie was with Sue doing her hair in the kitchen. Leah was happily sitting at the kitchen table watching her mother get ready for her big day. Esme, was altering Bella's bride's maid dress, while Bella stood there trying to deal with Renesmee.

"Hey you guys."

"I knew I smelt you." Rensemee said smiling brightly. Her hair was cut to shoulders and now she had blunt bangs. It was cute to see how stylish her hair was for a two year old or a five year old looking child. The light blue dress and her black flats looked cute. Wow, I used to feel weird when I said cute or adorable but with my Nessie I didn't mind or feel strange saying so. Her outfit reminded me of Wendy from Peter Pan. I only thought of that in that moment because we were watching the movie just yesterday. It had become her new favorite at the moment.

"Hi Jacob. How are they holding up over there?" Sue questioned.

"A lot better than ya'll are here." I laughed.

Rosalie and Leah huffed at me synchronously.

"Jake, did Charlie remember to pick the pastor up?"Bella asked, as she finished painting her toe nails.

"Yeah. He left right before I did."

Esme added, "I'm sorry I should have had Carlisle get him."

"No, I think Charlie needed something to do, he seems a bit frazzled?"

Completely changing the subject from her future husband to her son Sue wondered, "Is Seth getting ready?"

"The last I saw him he was sleeping."

"You make sure that son of mine is ready on time." Sue said looking at her makeup in a mirror. "It's beautiful Rosalie thanks so much." She thanked hugging her.

"Yes. Ma'am." I responded to Sue's order.

"You ready Ness?" I called out to find her waiting by the front door.

"Been ready."

"Manners?" I told her.

Nessie ran back over to the women in the kitchen and gave each one of them a hug, "Bye Aunt Lee-Lee, Bye Auntie Rose, Bye Grandma Sue, Bye Momma."

"Love you Baby." Bella said kissing her cheek.

"I love you too, momma. I'll be safe."

"I know."

"Jake, make sure she doesn't get dirty."

"Sure, sure."

"You hear me Renesmee? Stay clean. You can play after the ceremony."

"Sure, sure." She retorted.

After the ceremony the reception followed after. We ate seafood of course. La Push having a major seafood industry and Charlie quite enjoyed fishing and cooking his own catch. Bella said it was the only thing she could cook. Renesmee wouldn't take a bite; she said she would wait to eat something that smelt better.

After eating everyone began to intermingle and carry on conversations with one another. I was amazed at how comfortable both werewolves and vampires felt with each other. There were everywhere I turned and there were a few regular humans scattered between all of us. Renesmee stayed with me, she used her touch to communicate with me tonight. She seemed very shy also; usually she was so happy and talkative. She grabbed my hand and I could hear her say_, Pick me up please._ I did as she asked and picked her up. She looked up to see the lights I had strung up earlier.

"See the twinkle lights?" I asked pointing to the air.

"Yeah," she gawked staring up in at the lights.

"I put those up."

"They're beautiful Jacob."

"Why, thank you."

"You look beautiful too Jacob."

"So do you Renesmee."

Ness was attached at my hip most of the night. Calmly, standing next to me, where ever I mingled. When I moved she grabbed my hand and whenever I stood still she let go and grabbed a hold of my shirt, as if I was going to run away from her. Spotting Claire across the yard, I thought it might be nice if Ness played with her they were the same age now. And I hope she wouldn't be so concerned with me.

"Ness, why don't you go play with Claire?" I suggested pointing to my left. Her eyes followed the direction my finger was pointing and looked up to me.

"But you're my date."

"Yes, but you can go play with Claire if you want, she with Rosalie and Emily over there."

She turned to observe who was over there, her eyebrows furrowed. I looked the same direction she did to see Emmett and Sam carrying on a conversation about something, and Quil attempting to be a part of that conversation. It seemed hard for him with Claire hanging on him. Rosalie, Leah and Emily were also having a chat, most likely about babies.

"Nessie, baby, I'm sure Claire would love to play with you. She hasn't seen you in a while." Bella encouraged.

"Do I have to?"

Bella, looked down at her and gave a slight smile, "No, but I think it would be a nice gesture."

"Jake?" She looked up to me, still with a tight grasp on my shirt.

"Go ahead."

"Okay." She agreed and ran over to Emily first and said hi, pointing at her now very pregnant belly. I could see all of them laugh at whatever it was she had said then hugged Leah.

"How do you get her to stand still so long?" Edward questioned me.

"I don't know." I admitted. I had no idea I controlled her behavior.

"She's been so fidgety lately," Bella asked as she laced her fingers with Edward's. Seeing that, I was glad it didn't bother me the way it would have two years ago.

"I guess it depends on the environment. Usually, she's bouncing of the wall except for when she needs to be quiet and behave."

"She has been restless; I'm unaware of why though." Edward said so properly. Sometimes I just wanted to slap him and bring him to this century.

"She hasn't slept in two days." Bella informed.

"That's too long for her to go without sleep."

Seth said as if he knew, "Night terrors."

"I know, but she won't tell me and I don't feel like peeking in on her dreams anymore, I feel like I'm spying on her," I admitted to them.

"Yeah, I can hear her thoughts in her dreams. I have to have Bella shield her all night."

"I thought you couldn't hear her thoughts?"

"Only sometimes at night, usually when she's vulnerable or emotional." Edward said.

"There's a vampire here." Alice interrupted.

"I can hardly smell past you Cullen's. " Seth said.

"Should I chase it down? Do I need to tell the pack?" Instantly I flipped into wolf mode.

"No, No, they won't be bothering us today, just passing through."

"It's hazy now, where's Ness?" Alice wondered.

"She was just with Quil and Sam." Edward said as we all turned over to the crowd.

Renesmee was no, where to be found.

"Not anymore."

Lifting my nose to the North, I could tell where she went.

"She went to the creek, I'll go get her."

I jogged over to the creek staying in human form. Freaking out any of the guests wouldn't be a good thing. The creek wasn't far from Charlie's house, so I was there in seconds. Slowing my pace, I saw Renesmee sitting at the creek side with a blank stare.

"Renesmee." I called but she didn't answer or even look up at me, "Nessie? Are you okay?" I questioned sitting next to her. Instantly, my arm was captured in her clutch.

She rested her head against my biceps and in an assuming tone she said, "I don't want to lose you."

I couldn't understand the way she said it, as if she had already lost me in some way.

Lately, she had been so clingy to me.

"You'll never lose me."

Once again she used the knowing voice, like Alice. "But you're going to die."

"No, I'm not."

"But you're not a vampire, you'll die."

This was still a hard subject for her still. Death was something she had yet experienced. Edward must have explained about a vampire having an eternal life but never about us, werewolves.

"Wolves live forever too, just like vampires." I told her.

Her eye brows pushed together, and she pulled her knees to her chest, "They do?"

"As long as we want too."

"Vampires can kill you." She said burying her head into her knees.

"Yes but we're strong."

Her little head popped up with excitement, "So you'll never die?"

"As long as you're alive, I'll be alive."

When she stood up she wrapped her arms around my neck and asked, "Will you always stay with me?"

"Always. I'm yours forever."

That disbelieving expression glazed over her face. All I could think was Quo Qualex, so I used it.

"I swear. Que Quowle, remember?"

"Que Quowle, Jacob. Forever and Ever," she hugged me gently swiftly let go and ran back in the direction of Charlie's house. I ran behind her, trying to catch up in my human form. As she approached a giant fallen Doulas Fir she slowed down.

Curiosity came out as she climbed on top. She began to take even and steady paces along the trunk with her hands straight out as if she was walking a tight rope. It was pretty thin tree and as I observed it, I could tell it was a pretty old tree and it was over a hundred feet long.

"Jake, grab my hand?"

Of course, I did as she asked. When she till tightly clutched my hand she seemed less tense and began to stroll along the tree.

"Jacob, Can I ask you a question?" she asked stopping on the old fallen tree.

I looked up to her level, still holding her hand and answered, "What is it?"

"When I'm grown up, will you marry me?" After she asked she looked down she seemed embarrassed but the intellectual side of her came out.

"What makes you think of this?" I asked taking hold of her and setting her on the ground.

"I never want to be without you. And if we get married I can be with you always."

Kneeling down I answered her, "If you want to marry you by the time you're grown up, I'll marry you."

A simple smile showed up on her face. It was strange to answer especially since I hadn't thought about Nessie's future yet, let alone my own. As we walked back hand in hand still, I stopped at the edge of the party and I told her, "Now let's dance."

She ran to the dance floor and began to dance with Edward.

_CHAPTER 5 Preview._

"_Before you go, we need to talk to you Jacob." Edward said in a serious tone. Automatically my mind thought there was trouble coming our way. Unintentionally I lifted my nose to the air, seeing if I could catch a sniff of anything but I caught nothing but their scents. I wasn't prepared for another battle of any kind; we had finally got things into a routine. _

"_Don't worry too much. It's nothing of the sort," Edward answered to my question in thought._

"_What about then?"_

"_The imprint," Bella answered as if she were in both our heads._

"_Oh, the whole imprinting thing."_


	5. Chapter 5 No One Sets Restrictions

_NOTE: The last few chapters were long and it most likely didn't hold the reader's attention. So I'll try and shorten them up. This chart should be helpful to follow the story. The (*) is her current age and location. I own nothing. Enjoy…_

**-Nessie's age and Location Chart-**

**Year 1-3 years- Forks, WA**

**Year 2-5 years-Forks/Port Angeles, WA**

***Year3-8 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Year4-10 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Year 5-12 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Years 6- 15 years-Healy, AK**

**Year 7 -17 years-Healy, AK**

Chapter 5 –No one sets restrictions for myself except me-

Today had been a long day. I had taken Nessie fishing with Charlie and Billy like she had been wanting to. She was the only one that caught anything, a Steelhead Trout. We didn't find out the weight, Ness wanted to return it to the ocean. After fishing, we went to eat afterwards. I then dropped Charlie and Billy off and took Renesmee hunting since she wasn't in the mood for human food.

After lunch I took her down to Pioneer's Path. We walked at human pace all day which seemed to tire her out more than if we were in speeding through in our supernatural pace. As we drove home she had fallen asleep in the back seat.

Lifting her up, I could tell she had gained a few pounds from her last check up from Carlisle my guess was she weighed about fifty-five pounds now. Being over three feet now, she looked like any other seven or eight year old child. Taking her to the front door, Edward and Bella were already waiting on the porch, swinging on the porch swing. They were probably going to receive a scolding for bringing her home late.

Tonight, I didn't want any trouble with them, I just decided to apologize right away.

"Hey you guys sorry, I'm late," I spoke expressing my regret.

"It's Okay Jake you're not that late," Bella answered with no emotion. When I looked up at her she wasn't even looking at me she stared off into the distance. Nessie, still lied in my arms, bridal style sleeping comfortably.

"You can put her to bed, if you would like," Edward permitted.

I couldn't believe they were actually allowing me to put her to bed, I hadn't done that in a year. "You sure?" I asked looking at Bella who still made no eye contact.

"Yes," Edward retorted placing his arm over Bella's shoulder. Lately, she's been acting so strange.

I ran Ness upstairs, tucked her in and kissed her goodnight. As I walked back down stairs Edward and Bella were there to greet me.

"Before you go, we need to talk to you Jacob." Edward said in a serious tone. Automatically my mind thought there was trouble coming our way. Unintentionally I lifted my nose to the air, seeing if I could catch a sniff of anything but I caught nothing but their scents. I wasn't prepared for another battle of any kind; we had finally got things into a bit of a routine.

"Don't worry too much. It's nothing of the sort," Edward answered to my question in thought. Edward held his arm out directing me into the formal living room. I sat on the stark white couch, and they sat directly across from me. All the Cullen's were about the house doing their business.

I watched as Alice passed by and asked ,"What about then?"

"The imprint," he answered.

"Oh, the whole imprinting thing, "I said with no enthusiasm.

"Yes, the imprinting" Edward answered to my last comment.

"What about it?" Instantly, I stiffened and straightened my back up. Why did I have a feeling this was going to turn into a fight.

"I don't want you to show your sentiment in her direction, until she's old enough."

"English, Eddy."

"I would appreciate it if you never told her about how you feel about her until she's the right age." As Edward spoke Bella, just sat by totally not involved in the conversation.

"She just needs to make up her own mind," Bella finally spoke looking at me. And what she said was true.

"You're right. You know I haven't had a chance to think about any of this yet."

"We know, but we thought it would be best to talk about this sooner rather than later."

"Actually, I don't think Jacob should ever tell her, at least until she shows affection towards him first," Bella said so harshly gazing at Edward. I could tell she had be scrutinizing this subject in her brain for some time now.

Upset and unsure of what to say or do I just spoke not sure what was about to come out of my mouth, "You can't tell me to do that Bella."

"I'm her mother; I can banish you if I wanted to," she stood up as if she was going to dominate me.

"So now you don't want me to show her any affection at all unless she feels the same?"

"Exactly." Bella said pointing, not particularly at anything.

"Here's what you guys can't comprehend. I don't care. I'll be whatever she wants me to be; friend, a brother, protector, or lover. It doesn't matter as long as she's in my life, I'm okay with anything."

"Jacob, we understand that, but we will be the one to tell her about the imprint." Edward said so understanding, which was strand because I expected Bella to be the accepting one and Edward to be difficult.

"No you won't!" I shouted, I am the only one allowed to, If I even want to tell her.

" And why not?" Bella shouted. By now the entire clan was hovering around the thresh hold of the formal living room or peering in through the dining room.

" Since you're putting restrictions on me, I'm gonna put some on you," I stood towering over Bella taking my dominance back and giving command as if they were my pack, " on all of you."

I felt bad for using such a demanding tone, I hated doing it with my pack and even the Cullen's. It was hard to force or command something from them. But I continued to tell them about my decision.

" I ask you and your entire family never tell her about the imprint."

"Are you going to tell her?" Jasper asked.

"Nope."

"Jake you have to tell her sometime." Esme said.

"No. I'll never tell her. She doesn't need to feel constrained to me and she does not need to feel guilt ridden about not choosing me."

Edward nodded, "That's a good decision Jacob."

" Gosh, I haven't even thought about any of this until now," I informed, much more to myself rather than anyone else.

Bella sat back down and softly spoke, "Let her grow up, live a little. Be a teenager and a college student."

" I just want her happy Bells."

"I know, Jake we do too, and just want her to be able to choose."

"So do I."

Everyone stood there looking a bit uncomfortable but I was the one who was nervous. What if they told her about the imprint and Renesmee became angry with me? I couldn't allow that.

"You all know about the imprint but, please I ask you guys never to tell Renesmee, ever," I looked each one of them in the eye, using my Alpha command.

"You have to tell her." Rosalie said to my surprise. It was almost as if she wanted us to be together one day.

"She needs to make up her mind, on her own, no persuasion from me or you guys or the imprint."

"Hey, I won't tell her about the imprint but I can't say I won't convince her to be with you."

"Emmett," Rosalie said to him attempting to get him to shut his mouth.

"It would be pretty cool having a wolf for a nephew."

"She's only a few years old, you guys we still have a long way til that day comes." Then I added, "If it comes." Yes, if it comes if she chooses me.

"What about the pack? Will they let it slip?" Carlisle asked.

"No. I already asked the pack."

Carlisle smirked and looked proud, "Jacob I respect your decision. That's very mature of you."

"Thanks Carlise."

"Is that good for you, for your kind? To keep it a secret? To never be able to tell her the truth?" Esme wondered in her motherly way.

"I think, I'll be fine."

"Well, you're very tense right now, I can only imagine how you'll feel when she's older," Jasper added.

"I might not be able to control myself but we'll see."

"Jake you're family now. We'll do anything for you." Alice smiled walking over to me getting me to sit back down on the sofa. Of course Japer followed closely behind her.

"Oh? I'm family?"

The little pixie rolled her eyes, "Unfortunately."

"Yeah," Rosalie said from behind me.

"Since we're doing this for you, I need a you to assure me that you'll never show any feelings towards her, until she shows similar feelings," Edward asked except it was on Bella's terms.

"Of course, I already agreed."

"So, you'll agree not to try anything until _she's eighteen?" _Edward added.

Aliced looked over to him and even frowned a bit,"Edward, how is that fair?"

"He can wait until she's of legal age."

"No," Bella disagreed once again being on my side. Her mood swings with me have been leaving me bewildered.

"Bella, he has to wait until she's eighteen, the legal age." Edward argued with her.

"Edward, he's been waiting long enough, don't make wait longer than he has to."

And there goes Bella again being on my side after being against me. You either stand with me or against me, there's no in between. Alice still sat by my side and brought up a very good point.

" He's physically twenty and in a few years Ness will be fully grown. She may even be physically older than him."

"She's got you there," Emmett affirmed leaving the room.

"Fine. I want nothing to happen between you two until she is sixteen, in human years."

"I don't care. Can't you understand? I'll wait forever for her. Just don't take her away from me," I placed my head between my hands as I still sat on couch, Alice still next to me.

A cold hand was now around my wrist. I looked up to see Bella standing infront of me with a weary smile, "We'd never do that."

"Promise me Jacob. You will not only wait until she's sixteen but you won't show her your emotions until you know she feels the same way," Edward pleaded again placing his arm around Bella's waist.

"Wolfs honor. And all of you better never tell her about the imprint. Don't even let it slip."

"Of course."

Everyone left the room except, Alice. She wrapped her freesing arms around my shoulders and shot me a toothy grin.

"It'll work out, I know it," She sat up and rushed out of the room.

"Sure, sure," I muttered to myself.

_CHAPTER 6 Preview._

"_Jacob," she kept whimpering, "where's my Jacob?" At the top of the stairs Jasper and Alice remained motionless just watching me and Bella argue._

"_No," she said with such fury. I stared at her and could see the venom in her eyes. At this second she hated me, and I couldn't understand why. Then again I am constantly around her daughter, I guess I could seem overassertive when it came to her daughter._

"_Look, Bells, I'm sorry I never meant for you to feel like I'm being over bearing."_

"_Over bearing's an understatement," she retorted with a very harsh undertone. _


	6. Chapter 6 Overbearing my eye!

_NOTE: Please review let me know if this is good, okay or boring? I would appreciate it. This chart should be helpful to follow the story. The (*) is her current age and location. I own nothing. Enjoy…_

**-Nessie's age and Location Chart-**

**Year 1-3 years- Forks, WA**

**Year 2-5 years-Forks/Port Angeles, WA**

**Year3-8 years-Port Angeles, WA**

***Year4-10 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Year 5-12 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Years 6- 15 years-Healy, AK**

**Year 7 -17 years-Healy, AK**

Chapter 6 –Over bearing my eye!-

There had been more stray vampire in the last five years then I ever thought imaginable. We constantly lost them at a water's edge that frustrated all of us. I caught ahold of one that was about to attack a few campers, but we're afraid there is another vamp that is seeking revenge on the Cullen's much like Victoria and Irina.

After work, it was Sam's pack night to patrol so, I was going to visit Renesmee. I hadn't seen her for three days, and I figured it would be a nice surprise for her.

I was already half way to Port Angeles when I realized it was almost nine o'clock. I got off work pretty late but she should be up.

"Hey, how are you guys?"

"Alright, you?"

"A bit tired but I'll get by. Where's Nessie?"

"She's already asleep."

"Oh okay. I guess I'll see you all tomorrow then."

A faint whimper echoed from the upstairs, followed by a blood curdling scream.

"I'll get her," Frantically, I rushed from the kitchen preparing to comfort my Nessie. As I jogged over to the stairs, Bella magically appeared standing infront of me, blocking my way to the second.

Pleading, I tried to move Bella out of the way, "Move, Bella she's crying"

Her brows furrowed together the same similar fashion of Renesmee's, "Jacob you need to back off she's my daughter!"

My eyes gazed up the stairs as I heard Renesmee, still crying. "Jacob," she kept whimpering, "where's my Jacob?" At the top of the stairs Jasper and Alice remained motionless just watching me and Bella argue.

"No," she said with such fury. I stared at her and could see the venom in her eyes. At this second she hated me, and I couldn't understand why. Then again I am constantly around her daughter, I guess I could seem overassertive when it came to her daughter.

"Look, Bells, I'm sorry I never meant for you to feel like I'm being over bearing."

"Over bearing's an understatement," she retorted with a very harsh undertone.

"Excuse me?"

" You're constantly around, it's annoying! All she want's is to be with you. When she has a nightmare she wants you, when we hunt she wants to know where you are, when we ask about her day she wants to know if you're safe. I can't take it anymore."

"Jasper can you keep Renessme calm?"

"What's this really about?"

" I just think you're around her too much,"

"Well, I'm freaking sorry, I never thought this would be a problem, I assumed you understood-"

"I've been very understanding Jacob. She's your imprint but you're practically are raising her, that's my job, mine and Edward's job as parents and you're taking that away from us."

"Bella I'm not raising her. I'm just an influence, Edward and you are raising her and you're doing a great job."

"No, everything she talks about is how you taught her this and that, to tie her shoes, and to swim, _to ride a motorcycle."_

"Bella,I'm sorry about that one, but I teach her skills. When she comes over all she tells me is how you and Edward taught her _this and that. _She knows right and wrong because of you_. _She constantly talks about her parents andf how much she loves them also, but I don't get angry about it."

"You just need to stay away from her."

"There's no way in hell! You'll have to kill me."

"Is this a jealousy issue or what?"

"No."

"Then what the hell is it Bella!? I can't stand to be without her longer than a week. And I haven't seen her in two weeks. You've been keeping her away from me."

"Well you're going to have to learn to stay away because we're moving."

"Moving, where?"

"I, I don't know yet, but we're leaving soon."

"Bella, calm down. Jacob we're not moving."

"Whatever, I'll never come here again."

"Jacob you're always welcome here."

"No he's not."

"Bella, Renesemee loves him too much. We can't take him completely out of her life. She'll hurt just as much as Jacob and you know it's true."

"Humph! Jake, I'm sorry. I guess I am jealous, but she's my baby, not yours."

"I know that."

"She always talks about you, she always wants you, she's always worried about _you. _What about me? I'm her mother or Edward."

"She talks about you constantly."

"I've told you a dozen times before love, she's scared he'll die or be killed by a vampire. She always dreams about losing you Jacob."

_I'm going to go check on her then leave._

"What are you doing up?"

"Um?" she stuttered peering back out her window and back towards me. After about four times she finally settled her eyes on me. "Can't sleep?"

"Why not?"

"Bad dream."

"Show me."

"No. To scary, I don't want to remember it."

"Alright. Why don't you try a go to back to sleep."

"I don't think I can."

"Well, try."

"No, Jacob. Don't go! I hate being without you." She grabbed a handful of my shirt and pulled me back towards her.

Sitting next to her on her bed I asked,"Do you understand why you feel that way?"

"Yes I do."

"Why?"

" You keep me safe. And because you're mine, and I love you."

I laughed at this which just made her feel insecure.

"Do you know why I spend as much time as I can with you?"

Staring down at her hands, she continued, "It's because you love me back, right?"

I knew her face, it showed confusion and fear, as our eyes met.

"Duh, " I rolled my eyes, " Of course, it's cuz I love you." I said giving her a hug. At the same instant I picked her up setting her back underneath the covers. Tucking her in, I kissed her forehead, "Now hurry and get to sleep, I gotta go on a patrol." Lately, there had been many sightings of stray bloodsuckers running around. Sam and I coordinated and decided to work in shifts, tonight was my packs night. It bothered me to the core, because I could smell the repulsive scent that I couldn't even explain as I walked into the Cullen residence tonight. It was a different scent from the vegetarian vampires, like the Cullen's. The scent was strictly bleach and acid, the same sweetness but milder than those who feed upon human blood. It was tolerable to be around now. The worst part was that we had extended our lines all the way from La Push to Port Angeles. Some nights we even reached both the Canadian border and Oregon state line.

Whoever, these strays were roaming around the Cullen's homestead and that terrified me. It was now one any of my vampire family had known. If it was anyone the Cullen's had befriended, I would have had a warning.

"Kay," Nessie said quickly shutting her eyes almost instantly falling back into slumber, as I asked of her.

"Night Ness, Love you."

"I love you too Jacob, my Jacob."

_CHAPTER 7 Preview._

"_Hello, What's wrong?"she murmured, peeling off her fake happy face, " Since you've stopped visiting, everything has been brought to such, a cloying degree." After she finished speaking her face became a depressed appearance._

"_Cloying?" I asked I really had no clue what that meant, I'll have to look that word up in a dictionary. _

" _Everything was fine. It was perfect, you were my best friend and now since…"_

_I didn't let her continue because her perception of everything was off._

"_I'm still you're best friend, Ness."_

"_Jake, you never come to see me anymore."_

_I walked over to my bed and sat next to her. "I know I've been so busy."_

"_No. It's because momma's mad at you, because I love you more."_


	7. Chapter 7 A Good Surprise Visit

_NOTE: Please review let me know if this is good, okay or boring? I would appreciate it. Another long chapter but there's no way I could have shortened it, and have it still make sense._

_This chart should be helpful to follow the story. The (*) is her current age and location. I own nothing. Enjoy…_

**-Nessie's age and Location Chart-**

**Year 1-3 years- Forks, WA**

**Year 2-5 years-Forks/Port Angeles, WA**

**Year3-8 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Year4-10 years-Port Angeles, WA**

***Year 5-12 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Years 6- 15 years-Healy, AK**

**Year 7 -17 years-Healy, AK**

CHAPTER 7- A Good Surprise Visit-

Walking through my father's home was refreshing. I couldn't wait to get some sleep. I didn't think two jobs and patrols would burn me out. I've been working a mechanics job, and First nations City worker for the past year. It was alright I could help my father pay the bills since he had lost his job and the money left from my mother's life insurance was running low. I started taking GED classes but I quit when it took time from patrol and my Nessie. I guess, I'll have to forget about ever graduating.

Though, I haven't seen Rensemee in over a week. She's been going on a lot of shopping trips, lately and even spent a few days in Alaska with those other vegetarian leeches. I knew Bella was doing this on purpose, but I'm learning to cope. There's no way they would keep her away from me longer than a week. Ness wouldn't allow that.

I missed her though, it felt like my heart was depleted, it was no longer whole or happy. But I'm surviving. The last I've seen her was a week ago when she had decided she wanted to cook me and Billy dinner. Her scent still lingered, the presence was stronger than yesterday. Not seeing her was really getting to my head.

I looked around for my dad, but he must have headed to bed early since it was eight-thirty. He sure was getting old. I opened my bedroom door to find Renesmee, sitting on my bed cross legged reading a book. Her head flew up from the book and at me. She few up from the bed and closed the book so speedily, I could feel the air brush against my face. She smiled, my smile and removed the stray hair that was in her face. My heart was whole again.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

She frowned looking to the ground and sat back down on my bed.

"Jacob I need you."

I could tell by her expression and tone something was wrong, it frightened me. " What? What is it? What's wrong?"

"Uhm, nothing," She shook her head.

"Then what are you doing here?" I asked still standing by my door.

"Well, I knew you weren't going to come see me, so I thought I'd come see you."

"How'd you get in here? Billy's asleep."

"Vampire, duh. And Billy gave me a key months ago," she grinned holding the spare key up.

"Do your parents know you're here?" I wondered, I really didn't want her to get in trouble.

"What does it matter?" she shrugged.

"I don't want you to get in trouble."

"I won't Rosalie, brought me, Daddy knows." She said placing her book in her tiny backpack. I didn't believe her when she said Blondie brought her.

"No really how'd you get here?"

"I'm serious, she knows I miss you. She offered to take me down here if I stopped talking about you so much. Her and Emmett are going to go hunting and they'll come get me at ten-thirty, unless you take me home."

"I can if you want."

"Yeah, let me text Emmett and tell them just to head home."

She text them, and I told her I was going to get something to drink, she followed me to the kitchen with her cell still in her hand and the irritating beeping sounds from the keys. She made her way to the living room and sat on the couch.

After getting a drink of water I sat next to her, she scooted closer to me and made herself comfortable folding her legs and putting her phone on the coffee table. I didn't say anything, I was just so happy she was here.

"Hey, What's wrong?"she murmured, peeling off her fake happy face, " Since you've stopped visiting, everything has been brought to such, a cloying degree." After she finished speaking her face became a depressed appearance.

"Cloying?" I asked I really had no clue what that meant, I'll have to look that word up in a dictionary.

" Everything was fine. It was perfect, you were my best friend and now since…"

I didn't let her continue because her perception of everything was off.I turned to her, and declared, "I'm still you're best friend, Ness."

"Jake, you never come to see me anymore."

Guilt circulated in my veins, she knew but why would she blame me?

"I know I've been so busy."

She formed the crease between her eyebrows as she frowned,"No. It's because momma's jealous of you."

"Jealous? Of what?"

" Because," she answered pushing the cuticles back on her nails beds, not looking at me," I love you more, than her."

It dawned on me, that Bella was no longer my best friend, her daughter was. I wonder if this was the root of Bella's jealousy? Or the fact that Renesmee always wanted to be with meand not her.

"You don't love me more," Sadly, I articulated.

Laying her head on my shoulder she spoke, " But I do."

"No, you don't."

" Okay, maybe not but I love her like a daughter should love her mother," she said playing with the bracelet I had given to her as a baby, "And I love daddy and my family but when it comes to you, it's taken to the next level."

I wondered what exactly she was declaring to me, was she admitting she loved me. It was too soon for that, she was so young. Maybe I was thinking too much into it and taking it the wrong way.

"There's a good reason for that."

"Yeah, because you're my best friend," I could hear the smile in her then lifted her head off my shoulder, turning her gaze to me, " You don't see me a lot but you still love me right?"

"You're my best friend too, I'll always love you," I grinned wrapping my arm around her.

"My birthday was fun," she said placing her head back on my shoulder.

"Yep, you're five years old now."

Her head moved of my shoulder again. She grabbed my arm and took it of her shoulder, "I'm twelve"

"You're only five."

Frustrated she huffed, "But I look twelve."

"Yes but you're five."

"Yeah." She crossed her arms. Her face softened from anger to worry, " I'm scared."

"About what?"

"What if I never stop growing, at this rate I'll be dead at twenty five."

"Ness, you remember Nahuel?"

"_Na-huel_?" she tilted her head trying saying his name,_ " His name sounds familiar."_

"He's like you."

"A half breed?"

"Yes and he stopped growing when he was seven."

"How old is he now?"

"A hundred and fifty-five. Maybe you should write him a letter I'm sure Alice can get a hold of him."

"Yeah." She agreed, "Hey do you wanna watch a movie or something?"

"When do you have to be home?"

"I don't know lets just watch the movie, than you can take me home." She said as I walked over to the shelve of dvd's. I knelt down and started flipping through the movies. I wasn't sure what movie she would want to watch. I kept flipping through them until Ness called me. "Jake?"

I turned peeking at her over my shoulder making eye contact letting her know I was listening. She had a very disheartened expression on her face, that upset me. I knelt up and walked back over to the couch standing infront of her. "What?"

Her head was angled down but her eyes rolled up to my gaze. "Don't ever make me go that long without seeing you again, alright?"

She was so threatening the way she spoke but I knew she was more upset than angry. I knelt down infront of her and gave her a hug, "I'm sorry."

"Jake, " she said patting my back," Jake, I-I, Jake! I can't breathe."

"Oops." I said releasing her from my hug. I let her pick the movie, but she wouldn't tell me it was a surprise. She watched the movie like a zombie would, her mind was completely in another place.

"Renesmee what is it? Is something else wrong?"

She scowled as she answered,"I don't wanna talk about it."

"Fine. Are you okay thought?" I asked and she grabbed the bowl of popcorn and placed it between her legs.

"Mostly," she answered playing with the popcorn, " something's, are changing about me, " she stared at the bowl of popcorn and her cheeks turned a rosy pink, "and…"

"And what?"

Finally, she looked up to me. "I saw it again."

"_It?"_

"Remember when I was little and I saw something at Strawberry Bay?"

"You saw it again?"

She nodded.

"Did you tell your parents?"

"No, but Jasper asked about my day before I left, I couldn't lie to him. I just told him I was upset. Most likely he told Bella and Edward."

"Do they need to know?"

Quickly and defensively she retorted, "No."

"Well let's talk about it."

"Uhm, I'm tired though. Can you take me home now?"

"What about the movie?"

"Oh, yeah."

After the movie I took her home. I put my car in park infront of her house, to drop her off. I left the car running because I'm sure Bella would freak out on me for letting Ness stay over tonight.

"Alrighty, night," I said kissing the top of her forehead.

"Just stay the night tonight."

"I can't."

"Please, it's Friday. You don't have work tomorrow and, I feel safer when you're here," she pleaded putting her bottom lip.

I gave into her, like I always do, "Ask your parents."

"Dad won't care."

No Bella would but I guess if they say no, I'll just hang out in the forest as a wolf, and sleep outside. I shut the engine off and unbuckled my belt.

"Before we go in, tell me what you've been seeing."

She inhaled deeply and her head rested on the head rest. Her head looked up at the car roof and she exhaled. After she rubbed the stressed expression of her face she continued.

"I've seen _'it'_ once a year, maybe twice, since Strawberry bay."

"Renesmee, why haven't you told me?"

"I'm not allowed to say. I could get in deep trouble if they find out I told you or any of my family." Her eyes began to tear but I had to know so I could keep her safe from whatever _it _was.

"What is it?"

"I'm not allowed to tell you," she gazed out the front windshield, " but it frightens me Jacob."

"It's okay we'll be fine." I leaned over enfolding my arms around her. Today, I've hugged her more than I usually would have in a month. She shivered nervously about something and she verbalized what I felt.

"Something's going to happen. I can feel it."

"Something, like what?" I wondered.

"Something bad."

"Like what?"

"Can we not talk about it anymore."

"This can't be ignored Renesmee, what do you see?"

"Well I don't want to talk. I just wanted to spend time with you. I haven't seen you in months."

"It's been eight days."

"Eight days to long."

"I know, I know," I said still holding her.

"Jake, I told you more that I should have, so let's drop it. Everyone's safe and healthy and it's all, good."

She opened the passenger car door, turned to me and she said,"Mind your thoughts, Kay?"

"Okay." I agreed stepping out of the car. I knew she was stressed, now that she had told me. So I suggested the one thing I knew that would make her happy.

"Wanna go hunting tomorrow?"

"Yeah," she grinned, " I would like that."

_CHAPTER 8 Preview._

_" We have to leave. This is for her safety," Edward somehow said aloof and impassive, like it wouldn't bother me at all. _

_"I'll go with you," I suggested._

_"We both know you'd never leave your father or the pack. You're Alpha Jacob, they need you," Bella said. Of course, this is what she wanted, me to lose all ties to Nessie._

_"It's always been about what everyone else needs, what about what I need?"_

"_Jake," Edward said in his stupid calm voice again. I decided not to give him a chance to talk._

"_It is that stupid dream, you're jealous that she loves me so much, isn't it?" My agitated outburst was aimed at Bella rather than Edward._

"_Jacob we have to leave."_


	8. Chapter 8 The Kill

_NOTE: Things are finally getting interesting… _

_This chart should be helpful to follow the story. The (*) is her current age and location. I own nothing. Enjoy…_

**-Nessie's age and Location Chart-**

**Year 1-3 years- Forks, WA**

**Year 2-5 years-Forks/Port Angeles, WA**

**Year3-8 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Year4-10 years-Port Angeles, WA**

***Year 5-12 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Years 6- 15 years-Healy, AK**

**Year 7 -17 years-Healy, AK**

Chapter 8- The Kill-

The following day, I had taken Nessie hunting as I promised. But she really didn't seem that thirsty for blood, she just wanted to hang out. We ran around the forest for bit until she suggested playing tag. She gave me a head start as I ran, at my quickest possible speed. I ended up near a clearing, but the scent of a vampire seeped through my nostrils and I was on the attack. Turning, I saw a stray vampire, wearing a black cape. Then my memory wondered back years ago, when the Volturi had been here to kill my precious Nessie, each of them wore capes. It was a Volturi member. Adrenaline rushed through my body and I was ready for attack. I could feel my hair stand up on the back of my neck.

Nessie, was howling for me. It was something she had picked up from me over the years, she didn't even sound human. It was like she was an actually pack member, Seth and Leah were actually quite proud of her. I ignored her at the moment, killing this vampire was more important; I needed to keep her safe.

Before, I knew it she was standing right behind the bloodsucker. I needed her to run away, I wanted her to run away. As she turned to get away the leech charged at her but I cut him off right before her got to her. Knocking her over I used myself as a shield to protect her. I yelped at her for her to run, leave but who was I kidding she couldn't understand what I was trying to say.

_Help! _I shouted I knew the pack could hear me, there had to be at least one of them that was fazed. Thankfully, Nessie was running away like I had wanted.

_We're almost there Jake. _Leah said.

_Let's get this damn vamp! _ Embry shouted in the same spirit as Emmett would have had.

While I waited for them the vampire and I circled each other. Before, I knew it Renesmee came up from behind him and snapped his head off. It turned to dust.

Her face became frantic as she looked at me, then the rest of the pack that stood behind me. She ran and I needed to follow her.

_ Finish the leech off I need to follow Nessie. _

As I chased her I stopped by the part of the forest where I had left my clothes. I grabbed them between my teeth, following Renesmee's scent. She ended up at the same Strawberry Bay cliff, that I had found her at when she was younger.

I phased back to human form and put my shorts on. As I walked closer to her, I realized that those things she had seen as a child must have been the Volturi but I could be wrong. She knew if it was the Volturi her family would want to know.

It all happened so fast, I couldn't remember any details but as we sat on the edge of the cliff overlooking the ocean, I admitted to her why I was a wolf, for the first time. But it didn't seem to phase her least bit.

She was guilt ridden and I did all I could to make her feel better. But she kept referring to what I had told her years ago. _It's okay to die, but it's bad to kill. _

I decided to take her home; we had to tell her parents. She disagreed greatly but I had offered to tell them about it myself and she was alright with that. I had her go to her room to speak to her parents in private. Bella and Edward, of course, freaked out bringing up subjects that didn't need to be brought up.

"She's has been having inappropriate dreams and thoughts about you," Edward said pacing.

Aggravated, I yelled at him, "What's that have to do with anything!?"

"We have to leave," Bella said placing her hand on Edward's shoulders stopping his pacing.

"You can't leave!"

With a sorry expression, Edward affirmed, "We have to."

Referring to her inappropriate dreams, I shouted again, "Because of her dream, because of a stupid freakin dream you're moving!"

Bella rolled her eyes at my overreaction, "Jake, she killed a Volturi guard, that's the reason main we have to leave."

"I understand but she's safer with me."

"She's safe with us too!" Bella hollered at me.

"Bella, I am what I am because of you. My main purpose for being wolf is to destroy vampires, she's safest with me," I calmed my tone down hoping to get in her good side tonight.

"Jacob, she's not you're problem," she added. And what she had said pissed me off, I couldn't ignore it. I guess I wasn't going to be on her good side tonight.

Stepping, towards Bella I dominated her and surprisingly Edward let me. He just paced again, thinking to himself.

"Problem!? She's not a problem! It's my responsibility to protect her."

She balled her hands into a fist and sternly said, "As parents, it's ours too."

"Alice can't see if they're here for her, she can't see the outcome. She just saw that they were coming to Forks, we are still unsure about when," Edward muttered still pacing the room.

"For your information, they've been coming to see her at least once a year since she was born!" Oops. I dropped that bomb, that wasn't exactly what Renesmee had said, but I had a feeling.

"What?" Bella questioned with a whisper.

"Yeah for the past five years."

Edward halted in his tracks and stared at me like a deer in head lights. Bella turned to him and reacted to my comment, "She never told us that."

"All the more reason to move." As Edward said those words, I could have swore I was going to spontaneously combust.

"So you're going to run?"

Bella stood there angry, with her arms crossed. She was annoyed that I knew and she didn't. Her body language read Rosalie. Edward placed his hand on her shoulder. She nudged him with her arms still crossed. Of course he complied and said, "We can't put you at risk for her sake."

"I can take care of myself and her for that matter. Don't you trust me?"

"I trust you with her life, with all my soul. But I'm worried about you both," He admitted.

"Yeah right."

"If she asks for anything you'll give it to her! I can't leave her with you." Bella said meagerly.

"Not if it wasn't good for her!"

"Bella, stop, " Edward spoke determinedly, " The point is Jacob, the Volturi are coming as well as we've been here too long. People are beginning to wonder about us."

"You're not going to fight?" I questioned.

"Not this time."

I turned, to Bella and pleaded, "Please, don't leave. Think about Charlie."

"I would never leave him alone, but he has Sue now, and you can protect them."

" I-I can't live without-"

"You'll manage," Edward cut me off, "You can go back to high school, get a full time job. "

"I don't want to, I just-"

"We have to leave. This is for her safety," Edward somehow said aloof and impassive, like it wouldn't bother me at all.

"I'll go with you," I suggested.

"We both know you'd never leave your father or the pack. You're Alpha Jacob, they need you," Bella said. Of course, this is what she wanted, me to lose all ties to Nessie. I was getting sick of her attitude with me.

"It's always been about what everyone else needs, what about what I need?"

"Jake," Edward said in his stupid calm voice again. I decided not to give him a chance to talk.

"It is that stupid dream, you're jealous that she loves me so much, isn't it?" My agitated outburst was aimed at Bella rather than Edward.

"Jacob we have to leave."

" I'll just hand everything over to Leah."

"No, Jake," eagerly Bella said, "You're the only one who could be Alpha."

She continued with no harshness or sarcasm, like the Bella I used to know, "I have a few short years left, give me that time to be her mother, please. Give us the time to be parents. We'll visit as often as we can."

"What am I supposed to do? Huh? Tell me! I'll go crazy!"

"You're welcome to come, but it would be most useful if you stayed in La Push. Whatever suites you Jacob."

Bella shook her head to what Edward had just said, but I didn't understand why I needed to stay in La Push.

"How is it useful to be here?"

"You have to be here and stay prepared and inform us if the Volturi do come," Bella said. They were so in tune with each other they already knew the plan.

The Edward's voice was in my ears again,"You'll see that this will keep her out of harms way, in all perspectives."

"I'll never hurt her and she'll be safer with me and the pack."

"What about the imprint?" Bella brought up.

Angrily, I told her, "I swore I wouldn't say anything."

She retorted with the same tone, getting in my face, "Think of what's best for her. Her safety and she shouldn't feel obligated or brain washed into thinking this is what's right for her!"

"Calm down Bella,"Edward pulled her back and she willingly went.

"Edward, that's the only reason I see why we should leave. Otherwise I agree with that mutt!"

"Bella," I began, but I saw a pair of familiar brown eyes. Her little head popped back around the corner after we made eye contact. Still a curious little girl, I guess she had the right since this entire conversation was about her.

"What!?" Bella shouted.

"Stop, " Edward said raising his arms up, "Renesmee why don't you come and join us."

Her tiny frame walked into the room, she was picking at her finger nails as she walked in. It was a habit that was all her own, she did it every time the Volturi had just visited.

"What's going on?" she asked biting her nails.

"We have to leave for a little while baby the Volturi is after you and we need the Denali's help right now," Bella said giving her a hug.

"Can, can I stay with Aunt Rose?" She responed.

"She's coming too, Everyone is." There was a crease between her eye brows now, and she wedged her way out of Bella's clasp. She walked over towards me and said,"Well, if Jake comes with us I have to-."

In all seriousness, Bella quickly said , "He's not."

"Then I can stay with him right?" She looked back at me, "Jake, can I stay with you?"

"Sweetie, he won't let you, we won't let you," Edward asserted.

"Why? I want to stay with Jake, he's my bestfriend I can't be without him."

I felt sick to my stomach, I didn't want to face any of this. I can't live without my Nessie, I just couldn't. Clearly, she couldn't live without me either. But was this really for her safety. I could do it if it was for her safety. Was Nessie's life really in danger or was this an overreaction that was stemmed from Bella's jealousy.

Whatever it was I guess I would have to face it. But I just don't know if I could say good bye.

_CHAPTER 9 Preview._

_Renesmee's POV of the kill (There's more detail in this next chapter.)_

_Happily I shouted, "You're supposed to stay hidden in one spot!" Stopping dead in my tracks, I saw Jacob's back arched and all his teeth were exposed. Quickly he looked at me and back to the vampire that stood between us. The male vampire turned and traced back to where Jacob's vision just was. Black red eyes now were on me. A devious smirk crept upon his face when he saw me. _

_Looking over to Jake I could hear his whimpering. Even though he was in _

_wolf form, I clearly understood him. "Run, Ness, Run." He wanted me to run. Before I got to pivot in the opposite direction, the leech blindsided me scratching right cheek under my eye and knocking me on my back_


	9. Chapter 9 My Sin

_NOTE: Renesmee's POV about the kill. From now on this story will be in Renesmee's POV. Sorry, it's long but it's a good story I chart should be helpful to follow the story. The (*) is her current age and location. I own nothing. Enjoy…_

**-Nessie's age and Location Chart-**

**Year 1-3 years- Forks, WA**

**Year 2-5 years-Forks/Port Angeles, WA**

**Year3-8 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Year4-10 years-Port Angeles, WA**

***Year 5-12 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Years 6- 15 years-Healy, AK**

**Year 7 -17 years-Healy, AK**

**CHAPTER 9-MY Sin-**

Years ago, I was entirely convivial with life. At the time I was also a child. Still oblivious to the cruelty and coldness of the world, not only the human world but my own world of mythological creatures that were not mythical what-so-ever. It is astounding at how much can change in a few short years. I was at a steady pace as I chased one of my many wolf friends. By far Jacob was my most cherished companion, not only among the wolves but even among my own family.

Feeling this was amiss in my eyes, but I couldn't help but to favor my Jacob. Hardly, did I ever see Jake anymore, only in the afternoons for a hunt. After the hunt, we usually wondered through the forest observing the wildlife and playing games. Chasing me I bellowed out a howl. I had to admit, I was actually getting good at it. I couldn't find him. Searching, all I could do was search. His musky sweet aroma was hitting my face at ever corner I turned. Purposely I breathed in his scent. It was a natural fragrance mixed with a bit of a rusty aroma. Most likely, his blood. I even bit him at night when he sleeps over just for a taste. The woodsy smell had always been my favorite scent. I cannot understand my family's aversion towards it.

He smelt perfectly intoxicating. Focusing in on the smell I caught the smell coming from behind me. My hair , that was at mid backs length and losing it's curl, whipped around my face as I headed for the incense.

Charging for the scent, I came to a creek. As I slowly crossed, I abruptly inhaled

wanting to smell Jacob, but instead a strange scent filled my nose. I smelt that it before, though somehow I knew it meant danger. The I could sense Jacob's smell again, I continued towards it. Frightened and alone I howled for Jacob as I always did but I never received a response. The mix of Jacob and the putrid odor filled my lungs, as I began to cough, both due to my lose of breath and the foul smell.

At the height of five foot, never before had I felt so small in the world. It was as if everything had grew one hundred time larger than what I was used to.

The eyes of the moss covered trees followed me and I heard the crack

of a tigs beneath Jake's paws. My eyes sought out the sound. Instantaneously feeling relieved when Jacob's sent was more dominate. Calmly I skipped along until I saw the color of his tails appear behind a giant cedar tree.

Happily I shouted, "You're supposed to stay hidden in one spot!" Stopping dead in my tracks, I saw Jacob's back arched and all his teeth were exposed. Quickly he looked at me and back to the vampire that stood between us. The male vampire turned and traced back to were Jacob's vision just was. Black red eyes now were on me. A devious smirk crept upon his face when he saw me.

Looking over to Jake I could hear his whimpering. Even though he was in

wolf form, I clearly understood him. "Run, Ness, Run." He wanted me to run. Before I got to pivot in the opposite direction, the leech blindsided me scratching right cheek under my eye and knocking me on my back. The stinging didn't subside but as I lied on my back, I realized the vampire didn't knock me over. Jacob had placed himself between me and the vampire, moving me out of the way. The nomad vampire tore of his long black hooded cape and began to take off. Jacob then cut him off , the vampire then came towards me but was sure to keep his attention towards Jacob. Hysteric barks poured from my Jacob,it was him asking me to get to a safe place. As the altercation began, Jacob's comment echoed in my head._ Run, Run, Run. I_ turned to run but I couldn't. Everything in my young heart was being pulled towards Jacob. It has always been that way. Watching them square off, I decided I was going to help him. I had to, it was my responsibility to save him. I waited for the opportune moment to attack. Before

I knew it, I was climbing the back of the stranger and snapped his neck.

Except, to my surprise, the head broke clean of turning to dust. Shocked, I dropped the head and looked up to see not only Jacob staring at me but four extra sets of eyes. There stood five wolves all in awe. I did what Jake had asked me to do earlier, I ran. I ran as far as I could but had to stop when I ended up at the edge of a cliff. Looking over the brink of the cliff, I wondered if I should jump. Knowing it wasn't the brightest idea, I sat. It wasn't long before Jake came and sat next to me comfortingly rubbing my back.  
After what I had just done I hoped that not looking him in the eye I wouldn't see

that he was disappointed with me. He positioned himself closer to my side and brought my shoulders under his long muscular arm.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

I wondered how he could ask such a question. He knew exactly why I was upset.

"I killed." I spoke with tears falling down my cheeks. Still, I had not looked him in the eyes. Quickly, pulling my body into a hug he comforted me.

"Shh, shh, shh. It's okay Ness."

Pushing him away, I shouted, not at him but to the world. I declared my sin. "No, it's not! Killing IS bad, remember? It's okay to die but it's bad to kill. I killed an innocent man."

"He wasn't innocent and he wasn't a man." he stated  
moving my head in his direction. I still couldn't look at him to I forced my head back in its original direction.

" Hey, Look at me, " he said in his Alpha tone that I could not ignore," He was a very evil vampire with a premeditated plan to kill, human people. To eat."

They way he spoke, was so humorous to me. He was hardly ever serious and while it did make me smile, it also frightened me a great deal. "You sound smart." I muttered more to myself than him, not knowing how serious he was.

"Yeah, yeah but you're so much more intelligent than me."

I really couldn't figure out what to say. But after a long awkward silence my mind wandered back to my sinning.

" I committed a sin."

"Ness, I know how you feel."

"How? you've never killed anyone."

"I've killed over a dozen times."

"But you said killing was bad. Dying isn't bad, killing is."

"Do you know why I turn into a wolf?"

I shook my head no.

"We've never talked about this have we?"

"No we haven't." Shaking my head 'no' again.

I let him know why I thought he changed." But I always thought you did it for

me, so you could play with me, to be my guardian angel."

"Remember the story Billy told you about the Shapeshifter's when you were little?"

"Yeah."

"I change to kill vampires."

"What!?"

"Bad vampires, to keep my people safe, all people."

"So you're not upset with me?"

"Never. And thank you."

"For what?"

"For saving my life."

"I know you can handle it on your own but I couldn't just stand there and watch you be hurt."

"He didn't want me he just wanted to get into town."

I recognized that gray cap any were, it was the Volturi. For as long as I can remember anytime I'm alone they try to convince me to go with them to Volterra. Each time convincing me they would kill my wolf. After every visit, I denied, and called out for Jacob causing them to run in fright.

"You're wrong, he came for me."

"That Leech would have had to kill me before I would let him get to you."

"That's what I was afraid of." I remembered that, the Volturi weren't playing nice anymore, they were out for blood.

"I'm sick of seeing them. When will they leave me alone?"

"Lets get you home, it's getting late."

"Can we just walk?"

"Sure, sure. Let me get my shoes on. "

"You need new shoes, I'll have aunty Alice get some next time she goes shopping."

We were standing outside, with her house clear in sight, but she hesitated.

" You have to tell Your parents," I told her.

"NO, no! They'll be so angry with me."

"No one could ever be mad at you Nessie."

"Perhaps not, but my family will all be so disappointed in me."

"Maybe, but we all love you too much to be disappointed to long."

"What if Momma will hate me?"

"She could never hate you."

"Only you and momma's opinions are most important to me."

"Why is that?"

"Because I love you two the best."

I admitted to him yesterday, that I loved him. Not in those exact words but I don't think he knew the extent, I was in love with him. I knew it was wrong and momma's been telling me I don't completely understand love yet.

"What about Edward?"

"I love all three of you the same, but daddy's opinion don't matter much."

"And why is that?"

"Edward almost, always agree with Momma, Always. So, that's why I believe momma's opinion is always going to be most important, after yours."

He didn't say much after that, when we stepped in the doorway he asked,

"Hey Uhm,"Ness can you go to your room? I'm gonna talk to your parents."

"Okay."

"Thanks Jake."

I sat in my room, trying to hear the conversation. Momma was shouting a lot but I couldn't understand exactly what they were talking about.

Slowly and quietly, I creped down the stairs and stood by the entrance of the formal living room. Finally, I could hear the argument.

" I'll just hand everything over to Leah," Jake said. He can't do that, I thought.

"No, Jake. You're the only one who could be Alpha," Momma spoke nicely to him then continued, "I have a few short years left, give me that time to be her mother, please. Give us the time to be parents. We'll visit as often as we can."

"What am I supposed to do? Huh? Tell me! I'll go crazy!"

"You're welcome to come, but it would be most useful if you stayed in La Push. Whatever suites you Jacob." At least daddy was being nice to him, and as much as I love my mother, I knew she had a motive.

"How is it useful to be here?" Jake asked. I leaned against the wall , halting my breathing.

"You have to be here and stay prepared and inform us if the Volturi do come."

"You'll see that this will keep her out of harm's way, in all perspectives."

"I'll never hurt her and she'll be safer with me and the pack."

"What about the imprint?" Momma asked.

_Imprint? What were imprints?_ Quickly, I let the questions leave my mind and continued to eaves drop.

"I swore I wouldn't say anything," I clasped my hand to the molding and peeked around the corner to see Jake begging and pleading with my parents. He was so sad, that I could feel his pain. Why was he so sad?

"Think of what's best for her. Her safety and she shouldn't feel obligated or brain washed into thinking this is what's right for her," Momma spoke so sternly to him, It angered me a bit.

"Calm down Bella," Daddy said in the same tone momma had just had with Jacob. I smirked at that, it serves her right. But then my mother shouted again,"Edward, that's the only reason I see why we should leave. Otherwise I agree with that mutt!"

"Bella," Jake began and didn't continue. He looked over towards me. As fast as I could I made myself invisible to him, by swinging my head back around the wall. I hope he didn't see me.

"WHAT!?" Momma yelled. I was getting so sick of her attitude with Jacob.

"Stop," Daddy said, "Renesmee why don't you come and join us."

I bit my finger nails and picked at my cuticles as I walked in.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"We have to leave for a little while baby the Volturi is after you and we need the Denali's help right now," Momma answered wrapping me in a hug. I hugged her back, I felt safe for a moment but I didn't want to leave I wanted to stay in Forks.

"Can, can I stay with Aunt Rose?" I hoped.

"She's coming too, Everyone is." After momma had said that my mood had changed, I was almost livid. But I contained my real feelings inside.

"Well, if Jake comes with us I have to-"

"He's not." Momma retorted entirely to fast.

"Then I can stay with him right?" I pointed at Jacob then turned to him," Jake, can I stay with you?"

"Sweetie, he won't let you, we won't let you."

I swore I was going to cry after I heard that. Why wouldn't Jacob want me to stay with him, I thought he loved me?

"Why? I want to stay with Jake, he's my bestfriend I can't be without him."

Before, I knew it Jacob stormed out of the house. He pushed the door open, it nearly swung of the hinges.

I began to follow him when daddy shouted,"Jacob, I know this is hard for you. But I'm holding you to your agreement. Eleven years left!" In front of me Jacob muttered, "Whatever. "

"JACOB!" I ran out the front door chasing him. "Where are you going?"

"Renesmee, I won't be seeing you for a while."

"Why can't I stay with you?" I asked still chasing after him.

He finally turned and stopped and I stopped too. We stood a few yards away from me, but it felt like miles, "Renemsee…" He began to speak, but I cut his answer short, " You don't like me anymore? Do you? I thought you didn't care about that vampire."

"It's not that. I,I gotta go."

"I thought you were gonna stay here tonight?"

"I'll try to be back, but I have to go somewhere."

"Where?" I asked. What was so important at that moment that he couldn't talk to me? What was so important that he didn't want me to stay with him, that he didn't want to be around me anymore? Was mom really the one who was keeping me away or did Jacob just not want to see me? He said he did. I guess, the only thing could be was another girl.

"Just, I have to go."

"To see your girlfriend?" I asked, a bit hurt but I tried to hold my emotions to myself.

"What makes you say that?"

"That's why you won't let me stay, that's why you've stopped seeing me because you have a girlfriend."

"No, Ness, that isn't true, you're my only girl, " he answered as he walked over and wrapped me in a hug.

Out of shear curiosity I asked, "Are you going to see a girl?"

"If you count Leah, yeah" He still had his warm arms wrapped around me. But my curiosity lead me to ask another stupid question.

"Have you ever, kissed a girl? On the lips?"

"Yeah. A few girls"

I frowned, but he couldn't see. Then I let go of him and he did the same.

"No one as important as you kid," he said nudging my chin.

"Do I know her?"

"Ness, I have to go, can we talk about this later?" He asked annoyed.

"YOU swear you don't have a girlfriend?"

"Promise, and I promise, I won't get a girlfriend until you have a boyfriend."

"Kay."

"Kay, I gotta go but I'll see you tomorrow, I swear to you. Night."

"Goodnight my Jacob."

_CHAPTER 10 Preview._

_After witnessing his broken position, I studied his face. Worried and concerned was plastered all over it, as he looked back into my eyes. Pulling my legs into an indian style, I rested my hand on top of his and asked, "Jakey, are you okay? Why are you so sad?" _

_" I realized I've done something that may upset you one day." He said, slipping his hand from my touch, scratching at his head. The sudden insecurities and rejection surged through my soul. __Why did he pull away like that?__ I sighed but retorted toward his comment. _

_"Then never tell me, I don't want to be mad at you." I said innocently. Thinking it over I regretted my comment, I was still childish at times and it bothered me. _


	10. Chapter 1o My Nightmare

_NOTE: Renesmee's POV about the kill. From now on this story will be in Renesmee's POV. Sorry, it's long but it's a good story I chart should be helpful to follow the story. The (*) is her current age and location. I own nothing. Enjoy…_

**-Nessie's age and Location Chart-**

**Year 1-3 years- Forks, WA**

**Year 2-5 years-Forks/Port Angeles, WA**

**Year3-8 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Year4-10 years-Port Angeles, WA**

***Year 5-12 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Years 6- 15 years-Healy, AK**

**Year 7 -17 years-Healy, AK**

**CHAPTER 9-MY Sin-**

Years ago, I was entirely convivial with life. At the time I was also a child. Still oblivious to the cruelty and coldness of the world, not only the human world but my own world of mythological creatures that were not mythical what-so-ever. It is astounding at how much can change in a few short years. I was at a steady pace as I chased one of my many wolf friends. By far Jacob was my most cherished companion, not only among the wolves but even among my own family.

Feeling this was amiss in my eyes, but I couldn't help but to favor my Jacob. Hardly, did I ever see Jake anymore, only in the afternoons for a hunt. After the hunt, we usually wondered through the forest observing the wildlife and playing games. Chasing me I bellowed out a howl. I had to admit, I was actually getting good at it. I couldn't find him. Searching, all I could do was search. His musky sweet aroma was hitting my face at ever corner I turned. Purposely I breathed in his scent. It was a natural fragrance mixed with a bit of a rusty aroma. Most likely, his blood. I even bit him at night when he sleeps over just for a taste. The woodsy smell had always been my favorite scent. I cannot understand my family's aversion towards it.

He smelt perfectly intoxicating. Focusing in on the smell I caught the smell coming from behind me. My hair , that was at mid backs length and losing it's curl, whipped around my face as I headed for the incense.

Charging for the scent, I came to a creek. As I slowly crossed, I abruptly inhaled

wanting to smell Jacob, but instead a strange scent filled my nose. I smelt that it before, though somehow I knew it meant danger. The I could sense Jacob's smell again, I continued towards it. Frightened and alone I howled for Jacob as I always did but I never received a response. The mix of Jacob and the putrid odor filled my lungs, as I began to cough, both due to my lose of breath and the foul smell.

At the height of five foot, never before had I felt so small in the world. It was as if everything had grew one hundred time larger than what I was used to.

The eyes of the moss covered trees followed me and I heard the crack

of a tigs beneath Jake's paws. My eyes sought out the sound. Instantaneously feeling relieved when Jacob's sent was more dominate. Calmly I skipped along until I saw the color of his tails appear behind a giant cedar tree.

Happily I shouted, "You're supposed to stay hidden in one spot!" Stopping dead in my tracks, I saw Jacob's back arched and all his teeth were exposed. Quickly he looked at me and back to the vampire that stood between us. The male vampire turned and traced back to were Jacob's vision just was. Black red eyes now were on me. A devious smirk crept upon his face when he saw me.

Looking over to Jake I could hear his whimpering. Even though he was in

wolf form, I clearly understood him. "Run, Ness, Run." He wanted me to run. Before I got to pivot in the opposite direction, the leech blindsided me scratching right cheek under my eye and knocking me on my back. The stinging didn't subside but as I lied on my back, I realized the vampire didn't knock me over. Jacob had placed himself between me and the vampire, moving me out of the way. The nomad vampire tore of his long black hooded cape and began to take off. Jacob then cut him off , the vampire then came towards me but was sure to keep his attention towards Jacob. Hysteric barks poured from my Jacob,it was him asking me to get to a safe place. As the altercation began, Jacob's comment echoed in my head._ Run, Run, Run. I_ turned to run but I couldn't. Everything in my young heart was being pulled towards Jacob. It has always been that way. Watching them square off, I decided I was going to help him. I had to, it was my responsibility to save him. I waited for the opportune moment to attack. Before

I knew it, I was climbing the back of the stranger and snapped his neck.

Except, to my surprise, the head broke clean of turning to dust. Shocked, I dropped the head and looked up to see not only Jacob staring at me but four extra sets of eyes. There stood five wolves all in awe. I did what Jake had asked me to do earlier, I ran. I ran as far as I could but had to stop when I ended up at the edge of a cliff. Looking over the brink of the cliff, I wondered if I should jump. Knowing it wasn't the brightest idea, I sat. It wasn't long before Jake came and sat next to me comfortingly rubbing my back.  
After what I had just done I hoped that not looking him in the eye I wouldn't see

that he was disappointed with me. He positioned himself closer to my side and brought my shoulders under his long muscular arm.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

I wondered how he could ask such a question. He knew exactly why I was upset.

"I killed." I spoke with tears falling down my cheeks. Still, I had not looked him in the eyes. Quickly, pulling my body into a hug he comforted me.

"Shh, shh, shh. It's okay Ness."

Pushing him away, I shouted, not at him but to the world. I declared my sin. "No, it's not! Killing IS bad, remember? It's okay to die but it's bad to kill. I killed an innocent man."

"He wasn't innocent and he wasn't a man." he stated  
moving my head in his direction. I still couldn't look at him to I forced my head back in its original direction.

" Hey, Look at me, " he said in his Alpha tone that I could not ignore," He was a very evil vampire with a premeditated plan to kill, human people. To eat."

They way he spoke, was so humorous to me. He was hardly ever serious and while it did make me smile, it also frightened me a great deal. "You sound smart." I muttered more to myself than him, not knowing how serious he was.

"Yeah, yeah but you're so much more intelligent than me."

I really couldn't figure out what to say. But after a long awkward silence my mind wandered back to my sinning.

" I committed a sin."

"Ness, I know how you feel."

"How? you've never killed anyone."

"I've killed over a dozen times."

"But you said killing was bad. Dying isn't bad, killing is."

"Do you know why I turn into a wolf?"

I shook my head no.

"We've never talked about this have we?"

"No we haven't." Shaking my head 'no' again.

I let him know why I thought he changed." But I always thought you did it for

me, so you could play with me, to be my guardian angel."

"Remember the story Billy told you about the Shapeshifter's when you were little?"

"Yeah."

"I change to kill vampires."

"What!?"

"Bad vampires, to keep my people safe, all people."

"So you're not upset with me?"

"Never. And thank you."

"For what?"

"For saving my life."

"I know you can handle it on your own but I couldn't just stand there and watch you be hurt."

"He didn't want me he just wanted to get into town."

I recognized that gray cap any were, it was the Volturi. For as long as I can remember anytime I'm alone they try to convince me to go with them to Volterra. Each time convincing me they would kill my wolf. After every visit, I denied, and called out for Jacob causing them to run in fright.

"You're wrong, he came for me."

"That Leech would have had to kill me before I would let him get to you."

"That's what I was afraid of." I remembered that, the Volturi weren't playing nice anymore, they were out for blood.

"I'm sick of seeing them. When will they leave me alone?"

"Lets get you home, it's getting late."

"Can we just walk?"

"Sure, sure. Let me get my shoes on. "

"You need new shoes, I'll have aunty Alice get some next time she goes shopping."

We were standing outside, with her house clear in sight, but she hesitated.

" You have to tell Your parents," I told her.

"NO, no! They'll be so angry with me."

"No one could ever be mad at you Nessie."

"Perhaps not, but my family will all be so disappointed in me."

"Maybe, but we all love you too much to be disappointed to long."

"What if Momma will hate me?"

"She could never hate you."

"Only you and momma's opinions are most important to me."

"Why is that?"

"Because I love you two the best."

I admitted to him yesterday, that I loved him. Not in those exact words but I don't think he knew the extent, I was in love with him. I knew it was wrong and momma's been telling me I don't completely understand love yet.

"What about Edward?"

"I love all three of you the same, but daddy's opinion don't matter much."

"And why is that?"

"Edward almost, always agree with Momma, Always. So, that's why I believe momma's opinion is always going to be most important, after yours."

He didn't say much after that, when we stepped in the doorway he asked,

"Hey Uhm,"Ness can you go to your room? I'm gonna talk to your parents."

"Okay."

"Thanks Jake."

I sat in my room, trying to hear the conversation. Momma was shouting a lot but I couldn't understand exactly what they were talking about.

Slowly and quietly, I creped down the stairs and stood by the entrance of the formal living room. Finally, I could hear the argument.

" I'll just hand everything over to Leah," Jake said. He can't do that, I thought.

"No, Jake. You're the only one who could be Alpha," Momma spoke nicely to him then continued, "I have a few short years left, give me that time to be her mother, please. Give us the time to be parents. We'll visit as often as we can."

"What am I supposed to do? Huh? Tell me! I'll go crazy!"

"You're welcome to come, but it would be most useful if you stayed in La Push. Whatever suites you Jacob." At least daddy was being nice to him, and as much as I love my mother, I knew she had a motive.

"How is it useful to be here?" Jake asked. I leaned against the wall , halting my breathing.

"You have to be here and stay prepared and inform us if the Volturi do come."

"You'll see that this will keep her out of harm's way, in all perspectives."

"I'll never hurt her and she'll be safer with me and the pack."

"What about the imprint?" Momma asked.

_Imprint? What were imprints?_ Quickly, I let the questions leave my mind and continued to eaves drop.

"I swore I wouldn't say anything," I clasped my hand to the molding and peeked around the corner to see Jake begging and pleading with my parents. He was so sad, that I could feel his pain. Why was he so sad?

"Think of what's best for her. Her safety and she shouldn't feel obligated or brain washed into thinking this is what's right for her," Momma spoke so sternly to him, It angered me a bit.

"Calm down Bella," Daddy said in the same tone momma had just had with Jacob. I smirked at that, it serves her right. But then my mother shouted again,"Edward, that's the only reason I see why we should leave. Otherwise I agree with that mutt!"

"Bella," Jake began and didn't continue. He looked over towards me. As fast as I could I made myself invisible to him, by swinging my head back around the wall. I hope he didn't see me.

"WHAT!?" Momma yelled. I was getting so sick of her attitude with Jacob.

"Stop," Daddy said, "Renesmee why don't you come and join us."

I bit my finger nails and picked at my cuticles as I walked in.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"We have to leave for a little while baby the Volturi is after you and we need the Denali's help right now," Momma answered wrapping me in a hug. I hugged her back, I felt safe for a moment but I didn't want to leave I wanted to stay in Forks.

"Can, can I stay with Aunt Rose?" I hoped.

"She's coming too, Everyone is." After momma had said that my mood had changed, I was almost livid. But I contained my real feelings inside.

"Well, if Jake comes with us I have to-"

"He's not." Momma retorted entirely to fast.

"Then I can stay with him right?" I pointed at Jacob then turned to him," Jake, can I stay with you?"

"Sweetie, he won't let you, we won't let you."

I swore I was going to cry after I heard that. Why wouldn't Jacob want me to stay with him, I thought he loved me?

"Why? I want to stay with Jake, he's my bestfriend I can't be without him."

Before, I knew it Jacob stormed out of the house. He pushed the door open, it nearly swung of the hinges.

I began to follow him when daddy shouted,"Jacob, I know this is hard for you. But I'm holding you to your agreement. Eleven years left!" In front of me Jacob muttered, "Whatever. "

"JACOB!" I ran out the front door chasing him. "Where are you going?"

"Renesmee, I won't be seeing you for a while."

"Why can't I stay with you?" I asked still chasing after him.

He finally turned and stopped and I stopped too. We stood a few yards away from me, but it felt like miles, "Renemsee…" He began to speak, but I cut his answer short, " You don't like me anymore? Do you? I thought you didn't care about that vampire."

"It's not that. I,I gotta go."

"I thought you were gonna stay here tonight?"

"I'll try to be back, but I have to go somewhere."

"Where?" I asked. What was so important at that moment that he couldn't talk to me? What was so important that he didn't want me to stay with him, that he didn't want to be around me anymore? Was mom really the one who was keeping me away or did Jacob just not want to see me? He said he did. I guess, the only thing could be was another girl.

"Just, I have to go."

"To see your girlfriend?" I asked, a bit hurt but I tried to hold my emotions to myself.

"What makes you say that?"

"That's why you won't let me stay, that's why you've stopped seeing me because you have a girlfriend."

"No, Ness, that isn't true, you're my only girl, " he answered as he walked over and wrapped me in a hug.

Out of shear curiosity I asked, "Are you going to see a girl?"

"If you count Leah, yeah" He still had his warm arms wrapped around me. But my curiosity lead me to ask another stupid question.

"Have you ever, kissed a girl? On the lips?"

"Yeah. A few girls"

I frowned, but he couldn't see. Then I let go of him and he did the same.

"No one as important as you kid," he said nudging my chin.

"Do I know her?"

"Ness, I have to go, can we talk about this later?" He asked annoyed.

"YOU swear you don't have a girlfriend?"

"Promise, and I promise, I won't get a girlfriend until you have a boyfriend."

"Kay."

"Kay, I gotta go but I'll see you tomorrow, I swear to you. Night."

"Goodnight my Jacob."

_CHAPTER 10 Preview._

_After witnessing his broken position, I studied his face. Worried and concerned was plastered all over it, as he looked back into my eyes. Pulling my legs into an indian style, I rested my hand on top of his and asked, "Jakey, are you okay? Why are you so sad?" _

_" I realized I've done something that may upset you one day." He said, slipping his hand from my touch, scratching at his head. The sudden insecurities and rejection surged through my soul. __Why did he pull away like that?__ I sighed but retorted toward his comment. _

_"Then never tell me, I don't want to be mad at you." I said innocently. Thinking it over I regretted my comment, I was still childish at times and it bothered me. _


	11. Chapter 11 My Meaningless Life

_NOTE: Renesmee's perception about her life, Two years after the Cullen's move to Alaska. It's good I promise._

_This chart should be helpful to follow the story. The (*) is her current age and location. I own nothing. Enjoy…_

**-Nessie's age and Location Chart-**

**Year 1-3 years- Forks, WA**

**Year 2-5 years-Forks/Port Angeles, WA**

**Year3-8 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Year4-10 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Year 5-12 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Years 6- 15 years-Healy, AK**

***Year 7 -17 years-Healy, AK**

**TWO Years Later****...**

CHAPTER 11 –My Meaningless Life -

It is never good to have an indecision about everything. Or make an indecisive decision. When I try to daydream my mind always seems to wander… to him. This was continual in my life, it happened more often when I moved to Alaska. Two Hundred and fifty miles north of Anchorage is Denali Bourough. About two thousand residents reside here and I have been one of them for the last two years. Denali Bourough consists of five towns. A bourough is, similar to a county in lamest terms. Specifically, I reside in the town of Healy. Population is a little over one thousand, even smaller than Forks, my former home town.

In this place there is a healthy number of bears that out populate humans and the humans main source of income is the Denali National Park. It is a major attraction out here, it's mainly animal watching, picnics and hiking. It is rather prosaic if you don't have someone to share it with. The best part is Denali is abundant in wildlife, perfect for my family to feed on. Being vampires, my family needs animals to satisfy their thirst. The reason, it's either feed upon the blood of animals or kill to dine on human blood. We believe human life is a precious gift and no one should take that gift from anyone. I also, occasionally drink animal blood.

My name, is Renesmee Carlie Cullen, I am half-breed, a hybrid, a half blood, a miscegenation. Half vampire, half human and no where near ordinary. Some people wonder about my name, which is normal, I think anyone would have the same question I had. Why in the world would my mother name me Renesemee? My name truly bothered me to no end, and it still does. I prefer Ness or Nessie. One day, a year ago to be exact, I gathered enough courage to ask my mother why she had decided to choose and give me such a ridiculous name. Her answer was so impetuous but it was still an acceptable answer, even a good answer. Before, I had been born, she constantly had names running through her head. Never the less, no name would do in her own mind. She told me I wasn't a normal child, so a normal name would never due. She elected for a made up name. She picked one name that satisfied her, all while giving honor to my grandparents.

She had other things to worry about besides my name. When, I was causing my mother distress and anxiety. Her life was almost cut short because of me. Guilt still lingers in me because of this. She knew it was never intentional harm and knew I was never willing to harm my mother. Though, because I did inflict damage, Jacob, a close family friend, and Edward, my daddy, were willing to destroy me because I was crippling momma in such a deathly way. Which is sort of ironic, considering they are the two men who sot out to slay me and are now the most crucial and influential people in my life. Both adored me so much, if not the same. All my family loved me but with daddy and Jacob I just felt it a little more. Mostly because they were so protective over me. The entire family smothered me, along with the pack. For a short period of time I hated that they constantly hung around me and contained me. Now, have been living in Alaska away from them all, now I wouldn't have it any other way and I really miss their lingering. With the remorse of almost killing momma still hanging over my head, I carried even more guilt to know that now, I could still possibly cause great deal of damage to all the people I love. It causes me to think back to my original home. A long time ago, when I caused a threat to my family once before.

Life in Forks was pleasant for a bit until a nosey neighbor started questioning my rapid growth. Older lady, in her seventies. I always found it mildly amusing that my father was older than that woman. She was shorter, with dark black dyed hair, wrinkles everywhere, you could almost read the time on her face. She is a very unhappy lady, life must have not treated her to well. I called her Old Lady Litman. All Etta Litman did was complain about her surroundings and not about herself. Called Charlie once because Aunt Alice drove at forty miles per hour on the main road. Then she showed up on Grandpa Carlisle's doorstep many times, asking how we keep looking so young and how I grew so fast. What would compel her to journey deep into the forest to ask Grandpa such a question is beyond me, but Grandpa's excuse was that I had an rare case of extreme growth hormone, that was introduced into my body. That cop-out was not good enough. She later wondered how I could be so intelligent for a almost two year old in a four year old's body. After that, we left Forks, when I was about four to live in Port Angeles for a bit. We didn't want anyone else wondering about my physical state. Although, it's not like I was even really allowed in public. We had to leave Forks which was difficult but necessary for a couple years. The entire family left to Port Angeles.

Grandpa worked part time at Harborview Medical but resigned after the Volturi had visited me in Port Angeles. From then the clan headed up further north to Alaska. We relocated near the Denali Coven who have been our extended vegetarian family for decades. After a year Grandpa Esme missed Forks, so her and Grandpa left us within the first six months. They explained it was nice living with us and the Denali Coven but Forks was somewhere Esme had become attached to. Their piece had been spoken and my grandparents left. Today, they still live in Forks. Grandpa couldn't take a job at Forks Hospital or Harborview in Seattle again because he looked to young, so he took a job at Olympic Medical center in Port Angeles. A seventy minute drive was nothing to him.

Life in Healy, Alaska was okay, boring but okay. By this time my growing was barely beginning to slow, so I was able to get a part time job at a place called Lynx Creek Pizza. It gave me something to do since I still wasn't allowed to attend school. Eventually, Alice and Jasper moved back to Forks after a year in Healy. Aunt Rosalie and Uncle Emmett stayed the longest, eighteen months, but at last they moved back to Forks also. Only Momma, Daddy and I were left in Healy now. Visitation with my family was regular. At least once a month my family would journey up north to visit my family, even Grandpa Charlie, Sue and Billy, had came for a visit. In the last couple of years they've been visiting us, but visits had wideled down to nothing, except Carlisle, with my monthly check ups.

Jake could never make it up here, he had responsibilities, which I understood, but I still missed him greatly. Two Years was just too long to stay away from him. I missed my family and my Jake. I needed them with me. Lately, Momma has also grown weary of Denali. It's hard for her to be so far away from Charlie. I've heard many arguments about this between my parents one too many times in the middle of the night when they assume I'm sleeping. Mainly, the bickering was about Old Lady Litman and something about Jacob being less tolerant because he was a wolf, whatever that meant. I drowned their arguments out with my Ipod. Especially, anytime my parents would make a slight negative comment about Jake. My temper and defensive nature towards Jake had gotten me grounded numerous times.

I've heard my mother and father's story one too many times also. As a "younger" child I always asked how momma and daddy fell in love. Usually, that was my bedtime story. So willingly they told their autobiography over and over again. My parents had time to tell their history until I fell asleep and anyone that knew my parents knew that had enough time to help aid me to slumber. Being vampires, there's no need for them to sleep, unlike me. That's just being a vampire, it comes with the territory. Though, even now, I know this tale by heart. If my parents had a book they would have an entire series by now. Well, I have my own story and it's about damn time it began. One day the pages in my book will be filled. Currently, I hardly have a chapter.

_CHAPTER 12 Preview._

_"I'm sorry sir, but we're closed." _

_Slowly, his head turned around over his shoulder. His face was all too familiar. I have not seen those dark charcoal brown eyes in over two years. A huge grin spread across my face and he returned the same smile._

_"Jake!?" I quickly placed the tub on the table next to me and ran to him, as he stood up. His hug was warm as usual and he still towered over me. He seemed taller than I remember and more husky but it was probably my lack of seeing him which resulted in his appearance being so foreign. _

_"Oh My Gosh!!! Jacob, what are you doing here?" The giddiness of my reaction clearly showed through when he laughed at me. _

_"I needed to see my Lock Ness Monster."_


	12. Chapter 12 Homeward Bound

_NOTE: Renesmee's perception about her life, Two years after the Cullen's move to Alaska. It's good I promise._

_This chart should be helpful to follow the story. The (*) is her current age and location. I own nothing. Enjoy…_

**-Nessie's age and Location Chart-**

**Year 1-3 years- Forks, WA**

**Year 2-5 years-Forks/Port Angeles, WA**

**Year3-8 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Year4-10 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Year 5-12 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Years 6- 15 years-Healy, AK**

***Year 7 -17 years-Healy, AK**

**Chapter 12- Homeward Bound-**

Trying to focus, I acknowledged the light pine walls of the restaurant. The light on those walls began fading when the sun had finally set at eleven-forty-eight p.m. It would raise soon in about two hours at two in the morning, giving Healy twenty-one hours of sunlight, during Summer Solstice. Sparsely populated towns in Alaska, such as Healy, were never a problem for Momma and Daddy. They could comfortably go out in during the day and never be spotted by a single human being, whether it was overcast or a sunny day.

_Snap out if it Ness! Get to work!_ I was glad my conscience spoke up. I always daydream or attempt to, usually I always thought about life or the history of my life._ Here I go again get to work! _Right now, I needed to stop thinking and finish working so I can get home and get some sleep.

Today was a blur being a Sunday and the restaurant was swarmed with travelers. In the recent month of June, it's been so busy with the beginning of summer. It was now a little past midnight and the final guests were preparing to leave. The other employees had left hours ago and I was the last one left. The echo of a sports game came from the bar in the other room. The sound rang in my ears as I finished wiping down all the tables. It was the same baseball game I had heard earlier today. Angels won five to two against the Twins.

A group of men ranging from their twenties to fifties had stepped in from the patio outside. He offered a friendly smile, and a wink, so I recipricated. "Bye, have a nice night." I sent a fake warm console as the last guest left the room. A younger couple had left right behind them. Lying across the burnished wood table lie a dollar tip. With frustration, I knew working an hour past closing wasn't worth it anymore if I was going to continually get rueful tips. The bathrooms were already cleaned earlier by me but I double checked to make sure I didn't forget to do anything. After I made sure the bathrooms were spotless, I headed to clean the tables that had my small tip on it. Then remembering the large party that had sat outside, I rushed with the tub to see if they had left a tip. I was greeted with a couple dollars, a five a couple of ones and a ten dollar bill that equaled a twenty dollar tip easily making up for the petty little tip from the teenage couple. The tub was filled with empty glasses from the guests who had just left, all intoxicated by the way. I guess drunk men tip more, and that also explains why they sat outside in such cold weather, when they could be in a heated restaurant. I abruptly stopped in my tracks. I stared up at the majestic mountains that played as a back drop on the restaurant then I felt a bit of the hollowness in my soul fill up. I finished collecting the dishes of trash and dishes of the table. Even though I had come to hate my job, I had the urge to smile and I did.

The tub now weighed as much as I did because it was filled with about twenty beer mugs and easily fifty shot glasses and a few plates. I rested it on my hip, so I could open the door from the outside with my hand. When I looked up, I noticed a younger man sitting at a table near the front. His back was to me, he wore a light gray shirt, that tightly hugged his sculpted muscles that rested on his back. Which was odd it might still be light out but it was still cold. Jacob crossed my mind for a split second but I knew that was too good to be true. Besides I didn't want to see him, he hasn't visited since I moved to Alaska. The Jerk.

The guy was taping his index finger on the table, which annoyed me to no end. I could clearly hear it, better than anyone else's senses. Hypocritical of me, because I do the same thing quite often. All I knew was that I hope he isn't waiting for service. _Tap, Tap, Tap._

With a sigh, I cleared my throat and I informed the waiting man.

"I'm sorry sir, but we're closed."

Slowly, his head turned around over his shoulder. His face was all too familiar. I have not seen those dark charcoal brown eyes in over two years. A huge grin spread across my face and he returned the same smile.

"Jake!?" I quickly placed the tub on the table next to me and ran to him, as he stood up. His hug was warm as usual and he still towered over me. He seemed taller than I remember and more husky but it was probably my lack of seeing him which resulted in his appearance being so foreign.

"Oh My Gosh!!! Jacob, what are you doing here?" The giddiness of my reaction clearly showed through when he laughed at me.

"I needed to see my Lock Ness Monster."

I wrapped my arms around him and he did the same.

"I can't believe you're here." My head looked up to his eyes and still, I just couldn't believe he was here in the flesh. I nuzzled his toasty chest. It felt good against my cold nose. His face and entire body looked paralyzed.

"Jake?"

"Wow, you're..." He gave me and odd look, one I've never seen from him, except once when I was a baby. His mouth widened looking for the right words, "You, uh, you've grown."

Stepping backwards, I released my arms that were tightly locked around him. Biting my lip I shook my head in disbelief. Taking notice he asked, "What?"

My shoulders shrugged up and I just was taking in the moment, "You're here."

"I've missed you Ness."

"I've missed you too." I stepped forward and gave him another hug, "How'd you know I worked here?"

Putting a little distance between us, he answered. "You told me before. I thought I'd surprise you, so I got directions from your mom."

Once again we hugged and I broke away going to the table where I left the tub of dirty dishes. "Let me go give these to the dish washer then we can leave."

He nodded.

"Does Edward know you're here?" I questioned as he followed me up until the kitchen doorway.

His voice echoed through the now empty kitchen, "Yes, him and your mother picked me up at the airport."

"Oh." I answered grabbing my phone and keys from the lockers and headed out the door. "The airports six hours away, though."

"You need to stop working thirteen hour days Ness, you're too young."

"I'm not _too _young ," I mocked him, "For anything. You always say that." I spoke bummed out. I would think that now I had physically grown to around his age he would see me as an adult. Plus I Just covered someone's shift it's not like I do this every day.

"You're only nine Ness."

"Do I look nine?"

"I just meant you're too young to work such long days, you need to have fun once in a while."

" You're right, I need to stop working so it's hard to have fun when your best friend, is so far away and never visits."

After a few seconds of silence, I broke it with a stupid question," You took a plane?"

"Well I wasn't going to run all the way here." I laughed at his answer that because I would have just assumed he would have phased and ran up here.

We walked out of the Lynx pizza and pub, with my free hand, I wrapped it around his arm. He left both his hands in his jean pockets as he asked, "How are you?" He was always on the hunt for information about me.

"Things could always be better but mostly they're good. Especially now." I half smiled at him, rubbing my head against his arm, as he opened the door for me on passenger side of the car.

"You're tired aren't you?" Sometimes, I would swear he had my father's ability to read minds. That was a thought that always and continuously crosses my mind.

My head dipped up and down,"Yeah."

We drove back in daddy's new Volvo. It was the only vehicle we had that was purchased since we lived up here. Safe and reliable was the reason daddy bought it, particularly for the snow. Jake drove for me. I haven't slept in two days due to the my hectic schedule at work. So we ended up at the the house, I was ready to crash. I never considered it a home because my home was in Forks and La Push with Jacob and my family.

Even the though the log home was small, it was comfy and livable. The red tin roof was beginning to rust over and to the side of the house was a small lake. Inside the home was very open, a little to open. It consists of one bathroom, one bedroom and the tiny living room and kitchen where open to my loft bedroom. The logs were exposed not only on the outside but the inside, not really my style. Just like my loft bedroom wasn't my style. Changing clothes, listening to music, even sleeping was a struggle with no privacy. When I was in my room, I would always imagine my old room, with the burnt orange walls and momma's old furniture. A loft bedroom was too strange and there was no solitude what-so-ever.

As Jake and I stepped in the small cabin, I detected that there were things missing. The television was one of the many things, it sat next to the wood burning stove, which was always on when I got home. The warm air from the fire that usually greeted my face was not felt when I stepped in the cabin this time.

"Hi momma, Hi daddy." I greeted as I looked at the fireplace that held no fire. As Jake and my mother made small talk, I walked in the small kitchen where on the shelves, there was nothing sitting upon them. Nic-nacs and pictures usually covered the desk in the corner but they were gone, along with the desk. Daddy's upright piano that was shoved in the dining room was missing also. Faintly I could hear momma and Jake talk.

"Jacob, I'm sorry I've been difficult over the years." she said with sincerity.

"It was for the best, we both know that," Jake responded, "she didn't need to see us fight."

I wondered what they were speaking about but I didn't really care all that much, I had other things to figure out, like why was all our things out of the house?

My father gave a glowing greeting of a smile. "How was work Nessie?" The surprise from Jacob was the highlight of my year, Daddy already knew my answer, so I didn't reply to him but he retorted, "I'm glad you're happy."

Openly I let him read my mind. Over the years, I've learned to push certain thoughts to the back of my mind and let less inappropriate thoughts easily be heard. It was simple really, anyone could do it. You just talk in your head, still having thoughts on the back burner of your mind. For example I could be singing the national anthem in my head but still be thinking about Jacob or what I bought daddy for his birthday. Easy as pie. Jake would particularly love this. I was going to teach my family when I saw them again. I'm sure daddy doesn't want to hear his families thoughts unceasingly. Actually, daddy said I had a special ability to block things out of my mind much like my mother.

I decided I needed to change my clothes because we were most likely going to visit the Denali coven in the morning. I climbed the latter steps to my so called room and things were astray, just gone. My favorite quilt Grandma Esme sewed with the wolves on it, missing, the picture of me and Jake on my night stand, gone, along with the rest of my pictures on the dresser. Opening the one dresser I had, no clothes were inside. There was a large painting of a russet colored wolf that hung over my bed that had now cease to exist. I've been gone only twelve hours at work today and they've gotten rid of all my belongings.

"MOM!" I shouted from the loft. "Where's my clothes!?"

I jumped down landing infront of my parents. The stood next to each other holding hands.

"What did you do with my stuff?" I was enraged and my only reaction was to yell. "Ness, calm down," Jake said placing a hand on my shoulder. My tensing decreased but I was still angry.

"No, "I turned looking at Jake, "The picture of you is gone." I whispered

Looking back to my parents my rage carried forward, " All my things are gone. Where's my picture of Jake and me? Where's the painting? Alice painted that for me how could you get rid of it!" the antagonized shrieks seemed not even to fluster my parents one tiny bit. "And my clothes?!" Jacob now had both of his hands on my shoulders as he stood behind me.

"Ness, listen to your mom," He whispered in my right ear.

"Nessie." My momma coolly and quietly let the words roll of her tongue, "No need to scream." The anger in me wasn't escaping the way I wanted it to but it's human nature to yell, even if I was half-human, it was still a natural instinct. My eyes averted to a large luggage case next sitting next daddy's feet.

"Where are you guys going?"

"Ness, we're moving back to Forks." Daddy words stunned me. I was instantly relieved and happy almost as if uncle Jasper was here changing my mood.

"R-Really?" You could easily here the excitement in my voice as I stuttered.

Momma handed me tickets, on one ticket it read Renesmee Cullen, the other read Jacob Black. "Yes, you'll be leaving with Jake at six."

"In the morning?" Momma nodded at my stupid question. "Are you serious? Were going back to La Push?"

"Yeah, I can't take it in Healy anymore and I miss Charlie, " Momma smiled.

"I miss grandpa too and everyone else."

"Well lets go we need to get you two to the airport, we have a long drive ahead of us." Dad said pushing us all out the door.

_CHAPTER 12 Preview._

_The chill was coming back after I asked daddy to turn the heater off. I scooted over to the center seat, resting my head on Jacob's shoulder and grabbing his arm to put around my shoulder in hopes to keep warm. Once again, a grunt came from the front seat. Clearly Daddy and Jacob had some sort of resentment towards each other. Momma and Jake are fine now, so what's wrong with you two? _


	13. Chapter 13 The Flight

_NOTE: This chart should be helpful to follow the story. The (*) is her current age and location. I own nothing. Enjoy…_

**-Nessie's age and Location Chart-**

**Year 1-3 years- Forks, WA**

**Year 2-5 years-Forks/Port Angeles, WA**

**Year3-8 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Year4-10 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Year 5-12 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Years 6- 15 years-Healy, AK**

***Year 7 -17 years-Healy, AK/ Forks, WA**

CHAPTER 12 -Flight-

The ride to Anchorage was about four hours and I had been asleep most of the time. After I had waken up I found it hard to drift back to sleep with Jacob being here. It had been ages since I seen him, if you could count two years as ages. I certainly did. The only thing in sight was the mountains, they were distant but still grand. I looked over to Jacob, who also stared out the window of the Volvo. His hand rested on his lap and I leaned over and reached for it. Our hands interlaced and I mouthed the words, _I missed you. _He squeezed my hand after I said those words. I smiled at him in return, slowly, a bewitching grin came to his face. Jake began to turn himself toward me.

"Jacob," My daddy said, than Jake tightly crushed his eyes together. Soon after, unexpectedly, he straightened up and gently squeezed my hand before mildly releasing my hand. Daddy grunted.

"Stop it Edward." Momma warned for some reason. I looked at daddy's face, something had seemed to rub him the wrong way.

_Yeah stop it Edward. _I thought loudly towards him.

"How are things in Forks?" my dad added cloaking his original thought.

"They're good, a few other_ leeches_ run through La Push but we always scare them off." Now Jacob was acting in an irregular way. He only used the word leech when he was angry or insulting a vampire.

" How's Charlie doing?" Momma's eyes grew wide and anxious and she turned back to look at Jake. Momma was scared of losing Grandpa.

"No need to worry he's good, healthy as a horse."

"What about Sue?" Momma asked because Sue was her stepmother and now my grandmother. They had gotten married years ago. If Charlie was still alone, there's no way she would have left.

"She's made your old house a bit more feminine but she's good too."

The chill was coming back after I asked daddy to turn the heater off. I scooted over to the center seat, resting my head on Jacob's shoulder and grabbing his arm to put around my shoulder in hopes to keep warm. Once again, a grunt came from the front seat. Clearly Daddy and Jacob had some sort of resentment towards each other. _Momma and Jake are fine now, so what's wrong with you two? _I asked Daddy mentally but I got no answer.

At that moment a force went through me, I jolted a bit and grabbed my temple as for a brief second it felt sore. Jacob turned to me and looked at me worried. "It's okay." I reassured. That force was momma's shield. She had done this only when daddy was angry with my thoughts but I didn't have any inappropriate thoughts at the moment. I couldn't understand why momma put me in her bubble. I was the only person that felt her mental energy go through me. I'm still unsure of that one, probably because she's my mother.

"How's our family?" Daddy once again added a question as a facade to his actual thoughts.

"All of them are well." Jacob's come back was agitated and short.

A few minutes later we were at the airport drop off. Jacob got my things out of the car as I said goodbye to daddy.

"Okay, Rosalie and Emmett will be picking you two up at the airport, all your things should be arriving tomorrow."

"Kay, " I nodded. Momma embraced me tightly. As we hugged I could see Jake and Daddy shaking hands, catching the end of their conversation, "…mind your thoughts. and take care of her." Daddy made known his seriousness and Jacob returned my father's earnest behavior.

"You know I will." Jake stated.

"Yeah, I know you will." Daddy put his hand through his hair.

Why do my parents always act like it's the end of the end of the world, when I say goodbye. Momma finally let go, showing a very weak smile.

"I'll see you in a couple a days." She said still produced.

"Yeah, how long is the drive to Forks?" I truly wondered.

"About forty-nine hours." Momma answered, when a rain drop had hit my face.

"Aren't you glad you don't need to sleep."

My mother chuckled, "Yes. So we may be home sooner than you think, so be good." Daddy walked over and hugged me again, then kissed me on top of the head. "Love you Ness."

"Love you too, Daddy. Bye." He stepped around to the driver's side.

"I love you Nessie."

"I love you too Momma. "

"See you in two or three days alright?"

"Yeah."

"Drive safe daddy!" He nodded at my order.

"Bye Jake!" Momma waved at him stepping in the passenger door. I turned and Jake was waving back, "You ready to get home?"

"I can't wait."

We boarded Alaska flight 119 to Seattle. We were silent, so my minds gears were turning once again. It's been nearly a two years since I've last visited Forks. By now nearly eight years have gone by since the Volturi had left Forks in defeat and that day was forever and still vividly burnt into my memory Yes, I was young but I remember the amount of vampires, werewolves and even another half breed, that came in my defense. The wrath of the Volturi scared me more than I could decipher. All because they believed I was an immortal child. They would easily come back one day and cause problems for all of my everlasting family and those rambunctious wolves I have grown to love. Soon they will return, even thought my family thinks they'll never return. Not only was I having cognitions of my memories but I was thinking of life. My desire to attend school and wondering if I will ever find love. My thoughts were disturbed when a throaty but still beautiful voice rang in my ears.

"Ness, are you okay?" Jake said tapping my hand that rested on the metal arm rest.

Looking over to him I responded, "Of course. You know? I can't help but still be skeptical about whether or not you can read my mind like my dad."

"No I'm just very, perceptive when it comes to you, and you seem bummed." His dark eyes were intense and had perplexity.

"Uhm, a bit yeah."

"Why?"

"What's the point in going back anyways? Besides being closer to everyone, nothings going to change."

"You're being pessimistic Nessie."

"No I'm being honest with myself, it's not like I would be allowed to go to school or find love or anything, hopefully I can find job."

"Ness, you'll find someone, I promise that, and as far as school goes, just ask."

"I asked my parents last year and they said no."

"Well ask again, there's no harm in that."

I wasn't sure if I agreed with him or not. I guess the worst my parents could say was no, which was what I already expected. There really wouldn't be any harm in asking.

" You're right." I agreed. I was glad I had him always making me a more optimistic person. I loved that his care free attitude rubbed off on me.

"I'll even try to talk to them myself."

"Thanks, Jake."

"No, prob. Now get some sleep I can tell you're tired." He spoke patting my arm, then turned to stare out the airplane window. I was so exstatic about heading back home and just being near Jake had put a huge smile on my face. Eventually, he fell asleep and all I could do was smile and stare at him, before I drifted off into sleep myself.

_CHAPTER 13 Preview._

_Anyhow, after weeks of begging, and some extra persuasion, my parents agreed to let me try school out. On one condition, I see Jake less. _

_I clearly understood their plight. When I was five years old, I dreamed about Jacob. Daddy listened in on one of my dreams and apparently my dream was inappropriate but I cannot even recall it the least bit. Maybe that was the true reason we left to Alaska. My dream was something I couldn't help. I guess there was an infatuation with him, a school crush. I've always thought he was handsome but I made the mistake to think that around daddy once too often. Yes, I loved him then but I'm past that stage of infatuation, Jacob's my Jacob, nothing more. He has been one of my only companions. My best friend._


	14. Chapter 14 Past and Routine

_NOTE: This chapter is filler, but necessary for the story. This chart should be helpful to follow the story. The (*) is her current age and location. I own nothing. Enjoy…_

**-Nessie's age and Location Chart-**

**Year 1-3 years- Forks, WA**

**Year 2-5 years-Forks/Port Angeles, WA**

**Year3-8 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Year4-10 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Year 5-12 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Years 6- 15 years-Healy, AK**

**Year 7 -17-20 years-Healy, AK/ Forks, WA**

***Year 8-18 years- Forks, WA**

***Year 9 -19 years- Forks, WA**

**Chapter 3 -Past and Routine-**

Now it was almost nine years that have passed since the Volturi had left Forks in defeat and life was beginning to become more routine, and somewhat, normal, if you could say any of our lives were normal. School was computed into my everyday life. Thanks to Jacob. A year ago, my family was still anxious about my reaction around humans. Only because I still crave human blood until this day but I knew better than to attack a human. A few sips from Jake when he was asleep wouldn't hurt anyone, not even him. That was the only exception I made. I had to remind my parents I had a job in Alaska where I was surrounded by humans constantly, only once did I come close to attacking a man that had gotten a bloody nose. This was the reason my family did not approve of me attending Forks High.

"No. You're still bloodlust," my dad said sternly.

I sat on my bed with my bowed so far down, I could have sworn I was going to cry.

Jacob ran to my side and wrapped me in one of his comforting hugs,"Edward, knock it off. All she wants to do is go to school and learn."

"Jacob, there's no doubt in my mind she can control her thirst but I can't have her be making friends with humans; they all grow old and die in front of our eyes. I don't want her to have to go through that," Bella sadly pleaded as if I wasn't in the same room. She would knew that pain, a year ago her mother passed away from a kidney failure and her stepdad died in a car accident a year after. Even I knew Jacob had that pain after his mom passed but I could handle it, I would cut all ties after graduation.

"She shouldn't, " Jacob let go of me and whispered to himself.

"But I want to, I want to go to school, I want to learn and even make human friends, after graduation I'll cut all ties. After that there's no way I could watch them die," I had my entire body turned to Jake. I nuzzled my head into his chest, and wrapped my arms around his waist. Jacob would understand, he could persuade my parents. Only my dad would prevent this, if my mom disagreed, he would. _Man are you whipped._ I said towards my dad in my head, looking at his fists ball up.

My dad stormed out screaming, "Mind Your Thoughts!!"

I wasn't sure who he was talking to, me or Jake but Jacob probably had that same thought.

Momma inhaled and exhaled and slowly turned and walked out.

"Don't worry, I'll talk to them," he said pulling me tightly into another hug.

"Thanks, Jake."

He went down stairs and I could hear all the ruckus. Even Rosalie had gotten in on it.

Rosalie and Jacob were the only two that had any confidence in me. Despite their differences, when it came to me they always agreed. The funny thing about them, is sometimes I couldn't tell who loved me more. Usually Jake beat Rose but I loved them both the same. I didn't play favorites with Jacob like I used to. They always seemed to make loving me a competition. Anyhow, after weeks of begging, and some extra persuasion, my parents agreed to let me try school out. On one condition, I see Jake less.

I clearly understood their plight. When I was five years old, I dreamed about Jacob. Daddy listened in on one of my dreams and apparently my dream was inappropriate but I cannot even recall it the least bit. Maybe that was the true reason we left to Alaska. My dream was something I couldn't help. I guess there was an infatuation with him, a school crush. I've always thought he was handsome but I made the mistake to think that around daddy once too , I loved him then but I'm past that stage of infatuation, Jacob's my Jacob, nothing more. He has been one of my only companions.

Originally, I had turned down school, the thought of seeing him once a week, tore my heart in to millions of pieces. However, Jake insisted I go to school though, so I agreed to my parent's terms. Less time with Jake was tough for the first month but that died out. He started picking me up after school every other day in his Rabbit. After several arguments about that, I continued begging to see him every day, eventually, my parents cracked. Two years without him everyday was enough, so I usually only saw him after school to about ten in the evening, five days a week. Experiencing human life seemed a bit more important than Jacob at the moment. Have human experiences, human friends and even eat human foods.

Growing up Jacob has always been a constant in my life. Sure, he never visited when he could, but I got daily phone calls, emails and even written letters and packages from him. He always asked how I was doing but he never let himself get close to me. Actually, I've noticed his presence became condensed after my dream I had, I think daddy has a big mouth. It always bothered me that Jake pushed me away but when we came back to Forks, we gained a bigger closeness than ever before .

As a child, like I said, he was distant but hunting was the one thing that did bring us together as a child. And perhaps it's the reason I liked and still like go hunting three to four times a week. It kept us together. Otherwise, he was never around much when I was little but I always knew he loved me. He loved me like a sister or a niece. He was like my brother, practically a second father to me. Always wanted what was best for me and always kept me safe. I always knew he would never steer me wrong. At times, I even trusted him more than Momma and Daddy. I'm not sure why but I think my parents let their emotions get in the way when decisions needed to be made but Jacob always thought outside himself, it was always about my feelings. Now, I'm not calling my parents selfish, I'm just saying Jacob seems a little more selfless. True closeness with me and Jake didn't creep up until this last year and I was grateful for it.

The summer before I started school, was a nice summer. Many of my days got to be spent with Jacob before school was starting. Days spent reading a book together at the beach or in the forest somewhere, observing nature or playing a sport of some kind, like catch or soccer and evenings spent sleeping at one another's homes or hunting.

You see, I hunt animals to keep from harming humans. It's tough but I wouldn't have it any other way. I only need it about once every two weeks but I'm immune to having it several times a week. Yeah, I fake it when Jake and I go hunting but I like having that time with him, wolf form or not. Sticking to human food a majority of the week was my choice though, it was a quite rigid feeling. Even the textures, sicken me. Once you get past the strange texture, food actually tasted pretty good.

When the burning in my throat becomes completely unbearable I do hunt animals. The pain feels like swallowing bleach while having a sore throat. I try hard to ignore it but it's something that can't be avoided. It is one of the most agonizing feelings ever. Momma told me long ago that when I was hungry, a slight green tint seeped through my eyes and when my hunger was satisfied, they would altering from a dark golden hazel to a pleasant brown when I was hungry. Which is how everyone can tell I'm hungry. Now for a majority of the time they're Hazel because my body always appeared to be satisfied with it's hunger for blood.

Rarely, did I ever hunt with my family, actually never did I hunt with my family. If I didn't hunt with Jake, I tried to eat dinners with Jake. Even though, I technically wasn't allowed to see him, I would still see him several times a week. Several days a week, he would come over to my house and spend the twilight hours with me and my family. When I could I would have dinner with Jake and Billy. Infrequently we would have dinner with Jake's pack and casually bon fire bbqs. Oh those odd run ins with my now, Aunt Leah. She truly hated me and I could feel it when she looked at me. I never knew what I did to her, but I loved her still. I just assume her behavior is her prejudice against vampires. The rest of the pack always listend intently to my every word especially when it came to tactics and other stats. I was the smartest person they knew. And they respected me, Seth was by far my favorite out of the pack,atrue buddy. He was around more than the others.

Our weekends were left to spend recreationally, if daddy though the 'activity was suitable'. Whatever that means? Like my mother, I had taken up a few extreme sports, that daddy didn't know about thanks to my veiled thought process. Motorbikes, canoeing, cliff jumping, hang gliding, surfing, you name it I've done it and all at the budding age of nine.

My literal age is nine, but physically I'm now nineteen perhaps even older. That was Carlisle' s guest-imant. There was times my family had worried that I was growing to fast. None of my family knew how much I would grow. It frightened me, I was always afraid of aging so fast and dying at fifteen years old.

Many letters to Nahuel, a half-breed like me, helped calm my nerves. His aunt Huilen always assured me that my growth would slowly crawl to a halt. Nahuel and Huilen are friends from South America. My family and I had made friends with them when the Voulturi had tried to massacre me. Years back Jacob suggested I write them for more information about my kind and it was helpful. Fortunately, my growing had begun to slow in the past month, my menstruation even stopped. It's taken years ,we always thought I would stop at seven. At least, that's what Grandpa Carlisle told me.

Carlilse's monthly routine was measuring me to see and record my accelerated bodily development. At least until we moved to Alaska then that was Edward's job. Everyone was alright with this besides Rosalie. Rosalie considered me her own daughter and did not care for Carlisle's 'science experiment' on me. I really can't remember what I looked like when I was younger but my parents and Jake said I had changed quit a bit. Of course my heigth and weight has changed. My hair grew at a rapid pace, even I knew that. Allegedly, over the years my curls had straightened to a slight wave.

Yes, I had grown quickly in the years. Physically a young adult but mentally I feel twice that. I feel in my thirties was my mental age, sometimes being at school felt inferior. I wasn't at the same level as about ninety-nine point nine percent of the students. It's probably why I have few friends at the high school. Everyday I tell myself get through it you'll be out of here and going to college soon. _Yet again, Renesmee you're wondering about life. Stop and get your Calculus done!_

_CHAPTER 14 Preview._

_"What's wrong Nessie? Did you not like school?" He always knew when something was up, whether it be I was tired or, something as strange as my menstrual cycle. It was some sort of weird gift he had. _

_"School's, okay, I guess."_

_Cutting off his engine focusing his complete attention on me. "Did you make any friends?"_

_"No, not really all the girls just stared at me, the guys were friendly though," I looked out the window to the group of boys who had just been talking to me, "A bit too friendly." I muttered under my breath not intending for him to hear me._

_"What do you mean?" he looked concerned._

_"Uh? Oh, Those guys over there were, being stupid."_

_His brows furrowed instantly and he suddenly became very serious,"What did they do?"_

_"Nothing but they said something about, I'm a 'nice piece of ass' or something like that after slapping my butt."_

_"What! They did that, they called you that?" he began to shake._

_"Jake, Jake?" I rubbed his back to calm him, "not here, please."_


	15. Chapter 15 Protector

_NOTE: This chapter explains Jacob's protective nature over Ness and she's about to be asked out on a date….Dun, Dun, Dun!_

_This chart should be helpful to follow the story. The (*) is her current age and location. I own nothing. Enjoy…_

**-Nessie's age and Location Chart-**

**Year 1-3 years- Forks, WA**

**Year 2-5 years-Forks/Port Angeles, WA**

**Year3-8 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Year4-10 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Year 5-12 years-Port Angeles, WA**

**Years 6- 15 years-Healy, AK**

**Year 7 -17-20 years-Healy, AK/ Forks, WA**

**Year 8-18 years- Forks, WA**

***Year 9 -19 years- Forks, WA**

CHAPTER 14 -Protector-

At last, it was Friday, today I get to spend the night with Jake, maybe a movie or maybe kayaking down in La Push. It really didn't matter as long as we were together. There has never been a point in my life where Jake wasn't important. It was hard not living near him but daily phone calls and video chatting was nice. I thank God for such great technology. All this became easier being near him in Forks. He was like my right hand man, always there with me and there for me no matter what. When I had a bad day, he was there, when I had an argument with my parents he always took my side, unless I was wrong. He has continually been honest with me, even if it would hurt my feelings. He had always been like a big brother to me, like my protector. I recalled a few months ago when I had been glum, from my first day of school. I had made not a single friend but I was harassed by some of the boys.

School had just let out and I couldn't wait to get home. I carried four new books in my backpack and three in my arms. Flipping through my history book, I could feel my face being stared at.

"Hey?" I turned around to meet the gaze of one of the most popular boys in school. For some reason he had decided to speak to me.

" You're that new girl, Renesemee, huh?" The way he spoke bothered me, so arrogant, so absolutely sure I would approve of him. In reality, I wouldn't have given him the time of day. _Manners, have manners_. His cold blue eyes, and light blonde hair was really not my type but he wasn't that bad looking. He wasn't much taller than my five-two stature. But he was taller than me, he had broad shoulders and an amazing physic but it was too much for one body, he sort of reminded me of uncle Emmett. Like Emmett, I was afraid that if he sneezed his clothes would rip of his body.

"Yeah, why?" I was intrigued by his persona. So I walked over towards him and his friends.

His face turned smug, "That's an odd name."

"I know." I was about to offer my nick name for his use. But I refused thinking how he shouldn't have that privilege.

He stared me up and down while he spoke, "Alright, I'm William Howe, you can call me Will."

"Hello, Will. Did you, need something?" I smiled politely at him. I hated being polite, especially to jerks like this one, but my father would kill me if he knew I was rude to anyone. Even a jerk like, William Howe. On the other hand Jacob would be proud of me that I stood up for myself. Actually, I shouldn't start a fight if there need not be one.

"No just wondering about you. You're not from here are you?"

"Originally, yes. I moved to Alaska when I was little." His face read, _what are you talking about?_ So I spoke on his mental level, "No, I'm not."

" How long have you been in Forks?" he eyed me like a piece of meat, which was fine because sometimes I eyed humans like pieces of meat. He was just being inappropriate though, I was ready to punch him but I had to remember he couldn't help it, like almost ever other guy. Rosalie told me that because I was a vampire, men and even women will stare at me, so I better get used to it.

"Not long," I answered.

"Do you like it here?"

"Yeah, I love it."

"Why?" He question disgusted as if my answer had just offended him in some way.

"It's better than Alaska, less cold."

"But it rains." he said stupidly.

I scratched my head, trying to hide my irritant toward him, "Yeah, it's not twenty degrees out though, it's pleasant."

"Oh, well you should come to a party at my house this weekend."

"Uhm, maybe I kinda have plans."

He became too pushy, letting his audacity shine through yet again. "Well, what are you doing?"

"I'm heading down to La Push to see a friend."

"Pshh, La Push, there's only a bunch of low income Indians out there."_ How dare he! _After he said this, I was done talking to that idiot.

"Excuse me? Do you have a problem with the Quileutes!? If you do, you have a pretty damn big problem with me." I spoke sternly and dominantly towards the a-hole.

"No, No... Geesh calm the hell down."

"Yeah," I paused with a clearly peeved tone," I gotta go." Before walking away someone had grabbed my butt. I turned but none of them looked me in the eye. I ignored it by walking away, I just saw Jacob pull in the school parking lot with his Rabbit. He parked not too far from where I was standing having a pointless conversation with that nimrod.

"Well, I hope you do go, it'll be nice having a girl with a nice ass around." By that comment I knew Will was the one who touched my ass.

One of Will's friends, spoke, "Yeah, you're hot."

I turned and glared at him, instantly he looked away. For a brief second, I thought about walking straight up to him and placing my hand on his cheek, putting my thoughts in his head. Showing him how I could rip his body to pieces, how I could get eight vampires and a giant wolf to attack him. Or maybe I would pop him in the face, even use the skill I had acquired while I was in Alaska. That little skill would put him in more pain than if I had punched him. Just a simple touch and I could knock the wind out of him. The problem is, I was much too nice to scare him or beat the crud out of him. He wouldn't sleep for weeks if I had done either of those. Trying my best to ignore the fact that they were staring at me, or my butt.

I ran over to Jake's car and got in. As I sat in the passenger seat, Jacob immediately asked, "What's wrong Nessie? Did you not like school?" He always knew when something was up, whether it be I was tired or, something as strange as my menstrual cycle. It was some sort of weird gift he had.

"School's, okay, I guess."

Cutting off his engine focusing his complete attention on me. "Did you make any friends?"

"No, not really all the girls just stared at me, the guys were friendly though," I looked out the window to the group of boys who had just been talking to me, "A bit _too _friendly." I muttered under my breath not intending for him to hear me.

"What do you mean?" he looked concerned.

"Uh? Oh, Those guys over there were, being stupid."

His brows furrowed instantly and he suddenly became very serious,"What did they do?"

"Nothing but they said something about, I'm a 'nice piece of ass' or something like that and one of them slapped my butt."

"What! They did that, they called you that?" he began to shake.

"Jake, Jake?" I rubbed his back to calm him, "not here, please."

He had a tight grasp on his steering wheel, he rested his forehead on the steering wheel in between both his hands. His knuckles began to turn white and I could see the steering wheel being molded like play-doh underneath his massive sized hands.

I rubbed his back still, "Jake, if you phase, you'll completely destroy this car, and I love this car, almost as much as I love you. "

He composed himself, chuckled then looked up with me with a big toothy grin.

"To tell you the truth, I love this car more than you," I said messing with him.

"I won't destroy your precious rabbit."

"We wouldn't want to do that, now would we?" I said in a cooing tone as if I were speaking to a baby.

"No, we wouldn't."

"Those guys are dumb anyways, lets go."

I placed my seatbelt across my chest just as Jacob said, "I'll be right back." His husky tone alarmed me.

"Jake, where are you going?"

He quickly but calmly stepped out of the car. Walked over toward those guys and had a few words with them. I could see Jake pointing at the car that I sat in. His face became more and more furious. Suddenly, William went to hit him. Luckily, Jake dodged his swing and made contact with his face. There was no struggle, Jake had just knocked out the largest guy in school. He came back, starting the engine.

"I'm so proud of you, you didn't even phase infront of them."

"Why thank you." He said proudly.

" But, was that really necessary?"

"Yeah, he had no right to touch you, or talk to you that way and let's just say they won't be bothering you anymore."

"Well, I'll have to buy you a new steering wheel." I laughed.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked concerned.

"If I wanted to I coulda knocked him out myself."

After he let out a deep laugh he started the car and droveme home.

The following day each of them apologized for being 'male chauvinist pigs'. Even the boys that hadn't said a word to me. It made me laugh for a good week, that those guys were scared of someone as harmless as Jacob. I was grateful though because none of the boys at school every looked at me the wrong way again.

Once again, useless thoughts filled my brain. Staring at the clock, I counted down the seconds until the bell rang. The second hand lazily made its way to three o'clock. _Three,two, one ...RING._

Quickly, I ran out of the room. I tried my the best I brush off everyone who talked to me, but I was stopped by Jennifer. There was no way I could neglect her.

She had been the only female friend I had made. She was beautiful in my opinion, I envied her beauty. She had green eyes, fair skin and some freckles, nothing to

obvious. Her cheeks bones settled delicately under her eyes and she had a sloped nose, that I would die for. I inherited Grandpa Charlie's nose, nothing to prominent but I had a slight bump on the dorsal that drove me insane. Currently, her hair was blonde, she constantly died it. I've known her for six months now, and in that time she had died it every shade of red you could possibly imagine. Then she moved on to the darker shades of brown and now she was blonde. Her bright smile was always nice to see. She always smiled about everything, I couldn't believe how optimistic she was about things. I think the only reason I appreciated her friendship so much was because she was similar to Alice.

"Hey, Nes are you gonna go to Will's house tonight?" She politely and excitedly asked about Will's monthly house party. I have yet to go to a single one.

"I don't think so, I'm probably going to go a bon fire or something."

"With the guy from La Push?"

"Yes, with that guy from La Push."

" You talk about him so much but I still don't remember his name. What was his name again? Jason, Jared? "

"Jacob."

"Oh, right Jacob. He's so nice to you, I wish I had a boyfriend like yours."

"Oh, he's not my boyfriend."

Her face drowned in sudden confusion, "I-I thought, but you two we're holding hands down at that bon fire you invited me to last week."

I giggled at this. After I finished laughing and got some what collected I let her know the

truth.

"He's a close family friend, sort of like a big brother, he looks out for me."

"But , you two were hugging."

"So? He can't be a good friend and keep me warm?"

"Uh, but you turned down Tristan, when he asked you to go with him to homecoming. I mean you turned down Tristan Berger!"

"So?"

She threw her hands up, to let me know she's given up, "I just assumed he was

your boyfriend."

"He doesn't even think of me that way, I'm like his little sister. And you shouldn't

assume."

"Sorry, I won't do that anymore but, do you wish he didn't think of you that way?"

"I just wish he didn't see me as a little kid, I'm clearly not a kid anymore."

"Ness, you're no kid. You're really a forty year old in a teenager's body. An old soul. How could he see you as only a kid?"

"I don't know. Let's not talk about it I'm starting to fume here."

"So, are you gonna go tonight?"

"I don't know?"

"Please, you haven't been to a single party since you moved here." she begged. Pulling her hands together, pleading.

"I'm not really in the mood."

"Ness, graduation is in two months and you haven't been to one single party, not even

an after school activity or pep rally. So, please will you go? "

I gave in. "Sure, sure."

"YAY!"

"Let me ask my parents then I call you."

"Okay. I hope they say yeah."

"Don't count on it."

"Well, I hope you could at least go to prom."

"I don't feel like going, I may go, maybe? I'll think about it."

"Ness, you think too much, sometimes I think you're too smart for your own

good."

"Yeah, but it comes in handy when you need someone to help with your Calculus."

"Ha, yeah, so what's the chances you're actually going to come out of that bat cave you live in?"

Snickering about her bat cave comment I answered. "About Fifty-fifty."

"Well, I really hope to see you there, if not I call you tomorrow."

"Sure, Bye Jen"

"Bye, Ness."

Today, I drove to school, I hopped into my mother's old Chevy that I had inherited. I was grateful for it, I didn't want him to spend money on another luxury car.

After a text that Jacob was going to be late. I decided to stayed after school a few hours to finish an English report, after bombing my test today I needed to get a A+ to keep my average. Also, it would leave me some extra time next weekend.

After that I walked past the gym where I could hear the basket ball team still practicing.

There was a sudden tap at my shoulder. It startled me but I turned to see Josh a guy from my English class. He was friends with William but different from the rest of them. He was always polite and managed to make me laugh, which took a lot. He reminded me of Jacob, in many ways but he was shorted and less muscular though he was still built. I turned and offered a smile to the dark haired brown eyed boy.

"Hey, Josh."

"Hey, Ness, how'd you do on that English test today?"

"Not too well, I didn't study at all."

"Well, you shoulda studied."

"I know," I giggled trying to play it off, and not make him feel uncomfortable.

"Hey, so, Uh do you maybe, wanna go to dinner tonight or something?" He asked, with a shakey voice, clearly he was nervous and brave. I've told him about all the guys I've turned down and how I had no intention to date. Though, he somehow managed to get enough courage to ask me out, so how could I say no. After all he was a sweet guy.

"Sure. Do you wanna pick me up at my house?"

"Yes," he smiled.

"Oh my family'll want to meet you so be prepared."

"Oh, alright I'll get you at, seven?"

"Yeah, bye."

I placed the key in the ignition and quickly drove home. Tonight Jake was going to surprise me with some sort of activity tonight, hopefully I could fit it in before my date with Josh.

_CHAPTER 15 Preview._

"_Have a nice time," Momma said._

_I turned and waved to my parents, "Bye you guys. "_

_Jacob followed me and Josh out to the porch. I gave him a hug bye too,"Bye, Jake."_

"_Have fun, kid," he said ruffling my hair before he headed to his car. I watched as he climbed into his Rabbit and drove off. I couldn't believe he let me go off with him but I guess he knew I wanted to be like a normal teenage girl. And after all normal teenage girls went on dates._

"_What was that about?" Josh asked as we both climbed his pickup._

_ I had no clue what he was talking about , so I asked,"What was what about?"_

"_That Jaco, guy. I thought he was going to rip my head off." By the expression on Josh's face I could easily tell he was worried. He feared Jacob. _

"_Jake wouldn't hurt a fly, unless the fly gave him a reason," I giggled. _

_As he started the car he continued, "He seems protective over you."_

"_He is," I admitted, "he's like my brother." I smiled and giggled, unsure why. _


	16. Chapter 16 Date

_NOTE: ____Here's a short summary. Ness has plans with Jake but ends up on a date with this guy Josh (he won't be in the story after this chapter)_

CHAPTER 16 -Date-

"_Hey, Josh."_

"_Hey, Ness, how'd you do on that English test today?"_

"_Not too well, I didn't study at all."_

"_Well, you shoulda studied."_

"_I know," I giggled trying to play it off, and not make him feel uncomfortable._

"_Hey, so, Uh do you maybe, wanna go to dinner tonight or something?" He asked, with a shakey voice, clearly he was nervous and brave. I've told him about all the guys I've turned down and how I had no intention to date. Though, he somehow managed to get enough courage to ask me out, so how could I say no. After all he was a sweet guy._

"_Sure. Do you wanna pick me up at my house?"_

"_Yes," he smiled._

"_Oh my family'll want to meet you so be prepared."_

"_Oh, alright I'll get you at, seven?"_

"_Yeah, bye."_

_I placed the key in the ignition and quickly drove home. Tonight Jake was going to surprise me with some sort of activity tonight, hopefully I could fit it in before my date with Josh._

The ride home was short, but my mind kept replaying what Jennifer had said. _I wish I had a boyfriend like yours. _Does everyone really think he's my boyfriend? Apparently not, since Tristan had just asked me out in Chemistry class this morning and Josh too. Jake would be a great boyfriend, though, it would be to strange. Or would it? _Yeah it would_.

Finally, I had come to my home, the cottage looked aged, just like out of another time, I loved it so much. Vintage and antiques were my thing, I loved them, including my father. I put the truck in park and ran over to the big house, as I called it, and looked to see if Jake was there but he wasn't. It was strange because I could smell him. I was searching around my grandparents house, for awhile until Emmett informed me that he was at my house talking to momma.

Momma and Jacob had been friends since before I was born. Sometimes, I felt jealous, actually I always have but I never knew why. My momma was so deeply in love with my father that I knew better than to be jealous. I could smell Jake as I walked over to my house, then I smelt...pancakes? They smelt amazing, I hadn't at all day and they made my mouth water. Momma was cleaning dishes as Jake stuffed his face.

"Hi, Momma, Hi Jacob."

Jake nodded to me with food still all in his mouth. I was wrong it was French toast.

"Hi, Nessie how was school?" my mother asked. This was routine though, she already knew my answer.

"I finished my book report today, so I'm free next weekend, "I turned and smiled at Jake, then back at my mom, " it was fine."

I reflected upon today's events. The English test on Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, that I must have failed thanks to Jake and his encouragement to late night hunting. The fact that I had left my money at home, which is why I haven't ate today. It's also the reason my stomach is growling at me this very second along with my throat burning. Jennifer inviting me to that party and Tristan asking me to the prom first thing in the morning.

"Who's Tristan?" My dad asked as he walked in with some sheet music. I completely neglected to acknowledge the first question and put the focus on the sheet music in his hands,"Ahh daddy not today it's Friday."

"I let you go off with Jacob last night. So you can give me at least thirty minutes of practice."

"Fifteen? Me and Jake are going to the movies. I think?" Wondering what he activity he would surprise me with this weekend.

"Nessie." Jake looked up at me with his deep dark auburn eye's. They expressed such remorse," Actually, I can't go tonight, I have to do a sweep of La Push tonight and I have a pack meeting."

"Ahh, Jake." I whined, he almost fell apart. I loved it when I made him feel guilty.

"Renesemee." My dad said in a stern tone.

I looked over at daddy apologizing "Sorry." Then I redirected my attention on Jake." Can I come?"

"No, not tonight."

"But you always let me go with you on weekend patrols."

" I don't want you to get hurt."

"When's the last time, I was in any danger?"

"We're not just hunting one tonight, not even two. There's five of them."

"So, I can help."

"It's too dangerous for you. I can't let anything happen to you, okay?

"Fine." I complained then slumped into the seat next to him. I guess I'm defiantly going on that date with Josh. I clearly blocked my thoughts from Edward, I wasn't ready to ask him about that yet.

"Really, Jake? Breakfast for dinner?"

"Yeah, so?" His statement was care free. Then he shoved almost twenty pieces of bacon in his mouth.

"And You didn't save any for me?"

"Nope." He smiled, all the bits and pieces of food in his teeth.

"Yes, there's a plate in the microwave," my momma said and before I could get up to fetch it, she brought my plate out. I was too consumed in my food to listen to the rest of whatever conversation momma and Jacob were having, until the focus was on me.

"So who's this Tristan?" Jake asked placing his dirty plate in the sink.

"My friend from school, he asked me to the prom today."

"Are you going with him?"

"No, I told him I'm not going, plus he just broke up with his girlfriend yesterday."

"Good girl," Jacob petted me in the head when he stood up.

"I'm not a dog," I said slapping his hand away.

"I know you're not that cool."

I complained,"Yes, I since you're all here, can I go out tonight? On a date?"

"A date?" Daddy said worried.

"Yeah, he's a sweet guy. His names Josh he's in my English class."

"Renesmee, I thought you didn't want to date?" Jacob questioned callously and not shocked at this.

"Well, yeah I gotta find a husband sometime right?"

"Ness, you have your whole life for that," Momma interrupted.

"Can I?"

"Where are you going?"

"I'm not sure I think just out to eat."

"Well, I'm fine with it."

"Yes, Renesmee you can go."

I looked over to Jacob, waiting for his answer.

He walked over and kissed me on the forehead. "Have fun on your date. I gotta go, I'll see you soon?"

"Tomorrow?"

He nodded and chuckled to himself, " Have a good time, be safe."

"Sure, sure."

He ran out so fast and instantly phased, ruining another pair of clothes.

"Billy is gonna kill him one of these days," My mom said.

"I know, this is the second pair of shoes this should just take his clothes of first."

"No, It's best he does it that way, we'll buy him the clothes," my daddy spoke rather relieved that Jake wasted clothes.

"Oh, got ya." I winked at daddy and his expression was slightly disturbed. He didn't want Jake running around naked.

"Piano now," he said. I placed my dish in the sink for momma to wash and made my way to the piano.

After an hour of practice I decided to do some homework but I hadn't had any except an English paper due that I had completed this afternoon. Nahuel had written me a letter that I received last week I should probably read it. I opened the envelope and read what he had written.

_Greetings Renesmee, _

_I'm glad to hear you have began to stop growing. I know how much it had been bothering you. Nine years for you to stop growing and it only took me Six. Quite strange. Perhaps it's a gender thing. Your y-chromosome must be why you're not venomous and why your growing has taken so long. I hope school is going well. I've never experienced that so you better make the best of it, not only for me but for yourself. Also, I feel the same way when I sleep. It's hard to be around someone family who never sleeps. Sometimes, I feel I'm wasting time sleeping. Perhaps, sometime, Me and my Aunt Huilen will have to plan visit you and your family sometime. Only if your family is willing to take us in for a week. It would be nice to meet another half-breed that I am not related to. SO I say farewell, have a great day or evening which ever it maybe at the moment._

_Best Wishes, Nahuel._

It would be nice to actually meet someone like me. I'm glad he wrote, he was a sweet boy. After some random internet surfing I decided to get ready for my date and to ask my dad about that party at William's. I did promise Jen after all.

The hard wood beneath my feet were frigid. It sent chills up my spine as step foot in the hallway. I was searching for my parents, so I could ask for their permission to attend the party. Because, my father is so over protective, I was just going to sneak out like a coward, but my daddy was sure to figure that out. I'll just ask, there's no harm in trying. They were getting ready to go meet the Denali Coven with Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper. Walking up to my parent's room I knocked on the door frame, to grab their attention. Aunt Alice was in the room packing for momma and daddy as they all talked about randomness. All three of them greeted me.

"Hey sweetie." daddy smiled at me.

"Hi daddy, uhh I know you said I could go out on that date."

"Yeah."

" Uh, can I go to a party tonight, too?"

A sly grin graced my fathers usually serene face, "I didn't see that one coming, you're getting pretty good at blocking your thoughts."

"I didn't want an answer before I even got to ask."

Daddy smiled, his teeth were so bright, unlike mine. "I don't think so Ness."

"Please, dad I won't come home late, I'm just gonna stop by and come straight home, I told Jenny I'd try and ? "

"Is Jacob going?" Alice wondered.

Sitting on the bed next to my mother I answered, "No, he's on patrol." I griped as I lied back on their bed.

"Edward, I don't see why not," Momma said, for once being on my side.

Trying to disagree daddy spoke, "But-"

"What's going to happen? She won't drink. We and Jacob have burnt that into her brain, and she can defend herself. Plus Jacob will probably check up on her."

"Yeah, Edward are you doubting how well You, Bella and Jake raised Ness."

"First off, Bella and I raised her, and no I'm not doubting how brilliant my daughter is." All three sets of eyes were focused on my father. Alice giggled continuing packing, Momma sent daddy an apprehensive gaze, while I just stared at the ceiling knowing the answer would most likely be no.

An airy sigh escaped my father's silence. "I can't fight all of you on this."

_Was that a yes_? I wondered, opening my thoughts to him.

"Yes," My dad declared, and only I understood.

Leaning up I clapped my hands together. "So I can go?"

Unwillingly he agreed. "I guess, so."

I ran up to daddy and gave him a hug. "Thanks, daddy I'll be home early. I'm just going to stop by and I'll be home before midnight."

"Be good."

"I always am," I promised, momma stood and patted me on the shoulder as she headed toward aunt Alice.

"Alice, why don't you help Renesmee get ready." My momma urged, placing a hand on Alice's back, walking her out of the room.

"She doesn't need help like you do." Aunt Ally winked at me, turning back to the closet, as she said this.

"My little Nudger needs some fashion advice, too." Momma complained as I stepped out of the room. She hasn't called me that in a very long time.

I called Jennifer letting her know I would meet her a little later, then proceeded to get ready for the date.

Throwing a pair of fitted grey washed skinny jeans on and a plain black t-shirt on. I threw my semi-new navy blue knitted sweater over my shirt and headed out the door. I grabbed my sandals as I began to head down the hallway.

Two faded murmur's came from down stairs. "Jake?" I whispered to myself, I thought he was on patrol? As I flew down stairs I put my sandals on and stopped at the front door, it was Jake… and Josh.

"Oh, hey Josh."

"Hey, Ren."

"Ness." I corrected.

"Right," He corrected himself.

"Uh, If you don't mind my brother wants to meet you, since my parents are out."

"If I have too, yeah."

After a few minutes of awkward small talk, we left. I gave Momma and Daddy a hug bye.

"Have a nice time," Momma said.

I turned and waved to my parents, "Bye you guys. "

Jacob followed me and Josh out to the porch. I gave him a hug bye too,"Bye, Jake."

"Have fun, kid," he said ruffling my hair before he headed to his car. I watched as he climbed into his Rabbit and drove off. I couldn't believe he let me go off with him but I guess he knew I wanted to be like a normal teenage girl. And after all normal teenage girls went on dates.

"What was that about?" Josh asked as we both climbed his pickup.

I had no clue what he was talking about , so I asked,"What was what about?"

"That Jacob. I thought that guy was going to rip my head off." By the expression on Josh's face I could easily tell he was worried. He feared Jacob.

"Jake wouldn't hurt a fly, unless the fly gave him a reason," I giggled.

As he started the car he continued, "He seems protective over you."

"He is," I admitted, "he's like my brother." I smiled and giggled, unsure why.

"Okay?" I watched a very distinct frown come across his face. In a disgusted tone he said, " but your brother didn't seem as worried as him."

Of course, my so called, brother didn't care. Unenounced to him, he was my father and I clearly let daddy know I was only going to dinner with Josh as a friendly gesture.

"My brother knows if I had to I could beat the shit outta you. " I smirked to myself looking out the passenger window, because it was true.

"Then what about Jacob?"

"He's my best friend and I'm his. We look out for each other."

" You gave him a hug?"

" Yeah, He's my best friend, we grew up together."

"Well, it seems like he likes you."

"No, that's not possible. We grew up together, I'm closer to him than my own family."

_CHAPTER 17 Preview._

_"You're a feisty, one aren't you?"_

_"Ah, no." I replied short with him, beginning to walk away. Quickly he grabbed my wrist pulling me towards him._

_"Oh come on Ren." He leaned over and kissed me again. Once again I pushed him away. _

_"Get the hell of her." That voice made the happiest expression on my face. Will pulled his lust driven lips off mine and looked over to the tall intimidating man. My protector. _

_"This is none of your business man. Get Lost."_

_Once again, Will proceeded to kiss me again. This time, I wasn't going to let him. Being very provoked I took the drink from his hand, and threw the plastic cup full of alcohol at him. I hit him, when he was distracted when the cool liquid hit his face and dripped down his body. "What the F***!" He shouted grabbing his face._

_Jacob's laugh was in the background but Will's nose started bleeding, that was my focal point. The aroma quickly made it's way to my nostrils, I couldn't help but smell it. I had the feeling in my body, it was hard to explain, but I was ready to strike. It was as if he was a helpless gazelle and I was a lion ready to attack. The only human blood I've evert seen was a tiny scrap on a kids knee at my old job. Never before have I been exposed to blood so closely. After he realized he was bleeding he shouted again, "You f****n bitch!" I saw his hand curl up into a ball. His fist slowly, was being pulled back. He was actually preparing to strike me and so was I._


	17. Chapter 17 Party

_NOTE: I know the chapters seem out of order but don't worry just follow what is on the scroll down. Reminder; Ness isn't IN LOVE with Jacob…Yet. She just feels a need to be with him. Also, I wish someone would review this story and let me know whether or not this is any good. I think so but do you?_

Chapter 17 Party

We went to an okay seafood restaurant. I hated seafood but I wasn't going to let him know that. He was funny of course but he was trying awfully hard. After a while it got annoying and I decided he would never be more than a friend. After the completely boring date, Josh wanted to stop by William's party.

Pulling up I notice how enormous his home was. It was strange since it was almost five times bigger than grandpa Carlisle's house. It was only him and his parents. Weaving through the dozens of cars parked in front if his home, I tripped a few times, rethinking about the sandals I had worn. Also observing the home, I compared his house to his psyche. The house was almost as big as his ego. Except, his ego was bigger.

Stepping in through the grand glass doors, I immediately felt uncomfortable. To many people in one place. Yes, I had been able to control my thirst, but I was only stuck in a class with thirty other people hours at a time. Even at lunch, everyone was so spread apart that my thirst never bothered me. This, though, this was different, almost everyone in my high school was shoved into one room. Scanning the room, I inhaled and exhaled slowly, hoping that it would somehow help. Although, it had no good reaction. Instead, the smell of human blood scorched my nostrils. I was still at the front door, now holding my breath completely. I already somehow managed to lose Josh and I couldn't care less.

"Nessie! You're finally here!" Jenny came up and hugged me.

"It's only ten thirty." I reacted to her statement.

"I've been here since nine."

"Oh."

"Guess, who asked me to the Prom?"

"Who?"

"Greg!"

"Wow Gregory Winters?"

"Yeah, he was like 'hey Jen do you have a date to prom?' and I was like 'No, I don't know if I'm going,' and he was all, 'If you go I'll go with you.' So I said yeah. Oh can you hold my drink I have to go to the restroom."

"Sure," I agreed snickering at her run on sentence, while grabbing her red plastic cup filled with alcohol of some sort. I waited, making small talk with Danielle, a girl in my P.E. class. Slowly, Will made his way toward me. Hoping, that he wasn't looking for me, I turned so my back faced him. Over the year he had continued to harass me and I had always been polite with him. I never told anyone because my entire family would freak. And with Jake breaking our plans tonight I really wasn't in the mood to put up with his b.s.

There was a tap on my shoulder and before I even turned around, Will rudely intruded, interrupting Danielle. "Hey, Ren?"

"It's Renesmee." My voice escaped like a blunt knife. Very ragged and harsh.

"Yeah, whatever, can I talk to you?"

I really wanted to say no, sort of. Strangely, he had asked to talk to me instead of just opening his large mouth. We never had a true conversation and interested in what he wanted to talk to me about I agreed. I rethought about about my first meeting with him almost seven months ago. Maybe, this would be a more friendly conversation.

"Sure." I countered his comment politely. "Danielle, I'll see you in a bit, if you see Josh tell him I'm talking to Will."

"Okay, I'm gonna go talk to Jimmy." She spoke excited for me.

I was amused with her giddiness, "Have fun."

"You too." She replied walking away. All I could do was roll my eyes.

"So? What did you want to talk about?"

"Let's talk outside," He said placing his hand on the small of my back, directing me back out the front door. _Breath Renesmee, don't hit him_. We stepped out. Tristan and his ex were outside arguing about who knows what.

"Hi, Tristan," I greeted.

"Hey Nessie." he spoke with a much more cheery tone then he had with his ex-girlfriend, Karen. Will rudely asked them to go inside. I could faintly hear, karen say, "Do you see what I mean, you always do that."

"Let's take a walk," Will ordered.

Reluctantly I followed. _Where's Jen? _I meditated looking at the red plastic cup that I still tightly gripped with both my hands. Will sipped his beer while we walked. As he chatted away, I offered him the red plastic cup. Quickly he grabbed it and sipping between the glass beer bottle and cup. I placed my hands in pocket. I didn't pay much attention to what he had to say, even though I was truly curious about why he wanted to talk to me. My hands felt around my sweater pocket, there was some extra change in my pocket. I tried guessing how much change had been left over. The cool metals in my pocket, reminded me of my parents. It was a very comforting feeling. William's mouth was still flapping around as I begun to count my change. One, two, three quarters, two pennies and a nickel. There had to be something I could get with eighty-three cents. In an instant, there was a sudden coldness on my chest. He accidently spilt his foul smelling alcohol on my brand new sweater.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, you should take your sweater off." After that comment, I think he purposely did this.

"Uh, no I'm fine." We only walked around to the side of his house where we stopped. The loud music and voices was easily heard through the paper thin walls.

"So I was thinking if you want, you should go to Prom with me." Was this really him trying to ask me to prom?

"I'm not going."

"Then a date?"

"A date?"

"Come on Ren."

"My name is not Ren, and I don't think so." my temper got the best of me.

"After all we've been though?"

"You've been a jerk to me all year."

"Every guy deserves a second chance." When he spoke those words there were some kind of truth behind it.

"Yeah," I looked down at the dirt that had seeped underneath my feet and between the sandals," you're right."

Before I knew it, he leaned over and forcefully kissed me. He held me tight to his body while he tried to force his tongue down my throat.

"Get off, me." I pushed his away. He stumbled back almost tripping. He looked at me in awe. The fact that someone at my heighth forcibly shoved him away, would shock me to.

"You're a feisty, one aren't you?"

"Ah, no." I replied short with him, beginning to walk away. Quickly he grabbed my wrist pulling me towards him.

"Oh come on Ren." He leaned over and kissed me again. Once again I pushed him away.

"Get the hell of her." That voice made the happiest expression on my face. Will pulled his lust driven lips off mine and looked over to the tall intimidating man. My protector.

"This is none of your business man. Get Lost."

Once again, Will proceeded to kiss me again. This time, I wasn't going to let him. Being very provoked I took the drink from his hand, and threw the plastic cup full of alcohol at him. I hit him, when he was distracted when the cool liquid hit his face and dripped down his body. "What the F***!" He shouted grabbing his face.

Jacob's laugh was in the background but Will's nose started bleeding, that was my focal point. The aroma quickly made it's way to my nostrils, I couldn't help but smell it. I had the feeling in my body, it was hard to explain, but I was ready to strike. It was as if he was a helpless gazelle and I was a lion ready to attack. The only human blood I've ever seen was a tiny scrap on a kids knee at my old job and a man with a bloody nose. Never before have I been exposed to blood so closely. After he realized he was bleeding he shouted again, "You f****n bitch!" I saw his hand curl up into a ball. His fist slowly, was being pulled back. He was actually preparing to strike me and so was I.

"Don't you dare touch her."

Will turned toward Jacob ready to fight. "And what are you gonna do?"

Jake walked closer to us and put his hand on my shoulder, leaning down looking me in the eyes.

"Are you alright?"

A sudden relief fell over my body, "I'm, fine, w-we both know that." I stuttered.

"Have you been drinking?" His expression was very baffled toward me. Almost irate.

"No."

Will then pushed Jacob, away from me. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

"Man, just go inside ," Jacob spoke in his Alpha tone. I could help but feel a bit attracted to him when he spoke that way, above all, how could I not be fond of a man that cared about me so intently?

"F*** you man!" Will cursed at the top of his lungs.

"Don't Get Me Angry." Jacob said. He began to have convulsions. I knew it was coming.

Warning Will, I cautioned, "You better leave. You might get hurt." Rubbing Jacob's back always seemed to calm him down, so I did just that. Except he wouldn't let me touch him.

"I ain't going no where! Come on, Bring it!" Will squawked like an annoying bird.

"Shut up! He's just going to knock you out again," I exclaimed, attempting to rub Jake's back again, "Jake ignore him." He nudged my hand of his back stepping closer to William. It was strange he's never done that before,. He has always allowed me to calm him.

"Come on!!" Will screamed.

"Will, Shut up and get inside!" I yelled pointing at the house.

"No, you listen here bitch, let the men talk."

When William called me a bitch I knew Jake would react. I stepped towards him and he stepped back.

"Please, don't do it. Calm." He didn't allow me to touch him. Stepping around me he walked up to Will and knocked him out. I reached to calm and comfort him but he stepped back, instantly phasing. He turned.

Not knowing what that gesture was for I became very frantic.

"Jake," Before I could say another word, he took off into the forest. I saw Leah and Quil hovering in the forest behind Will's house. They followed Jacob. Like a flash, I ran to La Push because Jacob was heading that way. He would go home. I don't know how I knew he would be there. I just knew.

_CHAPTER 18 Preview._

_"Are you mad at me?"_

_"No." He finally spoke. "I could never be mad at you? But I'm disappointed in you."_

_"For What? Going on that date or going to the party? Hitting Will? Is it because I hit that fool?"_

_" You were drinking."_

_"No, I wasn't."_

_"Don't lie to me Renesmee, you reek of alcohol."_

_" I would never lie to you, and I didn't drink! Jake I know how much you hate it."_

_"Then why do you smell like it?"_

_"That idiot Will spilt his drink on me. On purpose, thinking he could get my sweater of or something."_

_"Damn, Jock."_

_" Jake I would never drink momma and daddy would be furious with me." No reply. _

_"He was drunk wasn't he?"_

_"Yes, Nessie, he was."_

_"I didn't even consider that. I thought maybe for once he'd have a friendly conversation with me. Jake why wouldn't you let me calm you down and why did you run off like that?"_

_I just needed a second to be alone."_

_"Why?"_

_Immediately he spat back,"Because." _

_"Don't get short with me, Jacob Black. You've never been upset with me before, why now? It's Josh huh?"_


	18. Chapter 18 Story

_NOTE: Reminder; Ness isn't IN LOVE with Jacob…Yet. She just feels a need to be with him. This chapter is more of an insight on Ness and Jacob's relationship and how comfortable they are with one another. You start to learn just how much Jacob loves her when he talks about his mother's death and even Ness's death._

CHAPTER 18 -Story-

The clouds have finally released the rain they had been holding for the past two days. The droplets hit my head as I ran to Jacob's front porch. He had to be here. I continuously banged on the front door until someone answered. I was startled as a tall dark hair woman answered the door. She had similar eyes to Jacob but her's didn't seem as beautiful.

"Uhh hello?" I said startled.

"Hello?" She answered confused.

"I-Is Jake here?"

"Yeah, he just got in."

"Nes," Billy called my name form the living room," this is Jake's big sister, Becca." he continued advising me.

"Nice to meet you, Uh, I'm Renesemee." I said offering her a hand. She placed her soft hand in mine and showed me a warm smile that reminded me of Jake's.

" I'm Rebecca or Becca what every you prefer."

I nodded in agreement. "You live in Hawaii right?"

"Yes, I did, but I'm back in La Push, permanently," She expressed a little too happy. She must have gotten a divorce.

"Oh, welcome back."

"Thanks, come in, come in, let me get Jacob." She shut the door behind up and continued," Jacob there's someone here to see you !" Rebecca called out to him.

"I don't want to see anyone!" He screamed from his room. Billy and I had eye contact and both our expressions were the same. Utter confusion.

"Can I go see what's wrong?" Billy nodded giving me the go ahead. I knocked on his door lightly. "Jake?"

"Not now Ness, just go home."

This was hysteria, complete madness. What was wrong with Jacob Black? He has never been mad at me before. Why now? What did I do? I placed my hand on the door knob debating whether or not to open it. With agitation I opened the door, quietly closing it behind me. Jake was there in a pair of gym shorts. He was sitting on his bed with his head in his hands. He lifted his head from his hands as I sat next to him on his bed.

"Jake is this about you hitting Will?"I questioned but got no reply.

"Jacob please, say something. Did I do something wrong?" No answer.

"Is it because I went on that date with Josh?" Yet, again he gave me no reply.

"Are you mad at me?"

"No," He finally spoke, "I could never be mad at you? But I'm disappointed in you."

"For What? Going on that date or going to the party? Hitting Will? Is it because I hit that fool?"

" You were drinking."

"No, I wasn't."

"Don't lie to me Renesmee, you reek of alcohol."

" I would never lie to you, and I didn't drink! Jake I know how much you hate it, I would never want you to be disappointed in me."

"Then why do you smell like it?"

"That idiot Will spilt his drink on me. On purpose, thinking he could get my sweater of or something."

"Damn, Jock."

" Jake I would never drink momma and daddy would be furious with me."

After a few second of awkward silence I kept talking.

"He was drunk wasn't he?"

"Yes, Nessie, he was."

"I didn't even consider that. I thought maybe for once he'd have a friendly conversation with me," Then I turned to him, "Jake why wouldn't you let me calm you down and why did you run off like that?"

" I just needed a second to be alone."

"Why?"

Immediately he spat back,"Because."

"Don't get short with me, Jacob Black. You've never been upset with me before, why now? It's Josh huh?"

"No. sorta."

"Sorta??"

"I hate drunks."

"Huh?"

"I hate alcoholics." He was so sullen and bitter.

"Hate's a strong word."

"Well, that's how I feel, I hate drunks almost as much as I hate Will, Josh."

"I dislike him very much so too, but what's Josh have to do with anything?"

But he didn't let out a low grunt but nothing else not yet has he even tried to make eye contact and I was beginning to get upset. It had to be that date or even something else, it was me he was angry at.

"This isn't about Will or Josh is it or even drinking huh?"

"Yeah and no. Did I ever tell you how my mom died?" I acknowledged his question and shook my head, meaning no.

" When I was your age, nine years old, my mother was in a car accident."

"Is that why your dad's in a wheelchair?"

"No, that's because his diabetes." He sat up and walked over to his night stand. He rummaged through the drawer for a bit until he pulled out a picture album. The album black and aged; the leather binding was falling apart but held together nicely. He handed me the book. There were tribal pictures stamped into the leather. A raven, a fish and a few other designs but the wolf stuck out the most. My finger traced the indentation from the impress. I've seen this book before, I used to steal it out of his nightstand when I was little each time I came over.

With the album still embraced in my hands, he opened the photo album, flipping through the pages he stopped on a picture. Removing his hands from the memory book he finished his story.

" My mom went to the Clearwater's house to visit Sue," He spoke but made no eye contact with me," She told us she was going to be back late. It was a Friday night so my dad let us stay up past our bed times. Eventually, my sisters and I fell asleep. I guess, my dad stayed up for her though and she never came home. My dad was worried, then Charlie called." Jacob had a miserable expression on his face that I had never seen before. He finally looked up at me." She was hit by a drunk driver."

"That's why you were upset with me? Because you thought I was drinking?" I stated even though it sounded like a question.

"Yeah. It was a hit and run actually, she died instantly. Her body was mangaled beyond belief, or so my dad said. The man crashed his car a few miles up La Push Road. He was already dead." That agonizing look was still in his eyes.

Instantly, I leaned over giving him a hug. "I'm so sorry Jacob."

"Don't apologize, this was so long ago," he pulled away," I just didn't want you to be one of those people."

"I'm not."

" Because I hate those people so much. The careless, clueless bastards. I didn't want to hate you. Actually I could never hate you. I just didn't want to be angry with you."

" I know better Jake, drinking makes even the most admirable people become moronic. You taught me that and I'm not one of those people."

"I'm sorry I thought you were, but What if you drove home drunk or you got hit by one of those kids, Ness I don't know if I could live knowing I'll never see your face again. "

"I wouldn't die," I informed him, picking at my cuticles. The talk of death was getting me uncomfortable.

"You could."

"Vampire." I said pointing to myself. He moved my hand down to my lap.

"Half, you're still human Ness. You could still die and I would kill the person who killed you, then I'd probably kill myself."

The way he would react to my death shocked me. I had to do a double-take in my mind, then a third and then a fourth. My eyebrows were forced together to tight. He looked up to me and he heeded my facial expression. I elbowed him hard.

"Jake. You better never do anything like that! And if you do I'll haunt you until the day you die!" I stood up angry and shouting.

He still sat on his bed then gave his brilliant reassessment. "At least I'd see you everyday."

"Jake you're not God you don't have the right to take lives, unless it's defense but that's beside the point."

"Ness let's not talk about death, I've killed dozens and it wasn't always defense."

"But you do it for good, to save lives. Is that bad? I don't see how, especially when most damn _bloodsuckers_ have such evil intentions. If my family can control themselves so could the rest of them."

He gave me an ill faded look, I never used the term bloodsucker but Jake has rubbed off on me in the past months.

"If anyone touches you, I'll kill them," His head was down not looking at me.

"Jake!" I screeched, walking closer to him. I towered over him grabbing his hair, on both sides of his head, "If I ever die, I want you to accept it. That's what God wanted, trust him."

"Well I'd kill myself."

"No, you'll live your life and be happy! DO YOU HERE ME!" I let go of his hair and placed my hands on the sides of his face, "Promise me."

"I can't promise that." I sat down next to him again, and attempted to wrap my arms around his broad, muscular shoulders. After failing I rested only my one arm over his shoulder. I gave a better explanation that hopefully he could wrap his head around.

"Just because I die doesn't mean you should die to. Yes, we're best friends and I couldn't imagine life without you, but I want you to live your life, I want you to find love. I want you to fall in love and I want you to get married and make tons of babies. And you'll be happy."

"Ness, I've been waiting to be happy for too long."

" Just be happy, Please."

He sat silent for a long time, thinking to himself. Moving my arm I waited for a reply to my heart felt declaration. He shifted his weight a bit, causing my body to sink down with the mattress. The old unfinished wood beneath my feet creaked as all the weight from his body settled at the floor. He scooted closer reaching his arm around my shoulder showing the same gesture I had given him. As he spook he tightened his grip. "I promise."

I smiled at him, "Thanks." I picked the photo album, that was sprawled next to me, back up. Looking back at the family picture of his family. His mother had high cheeks bones and a pointed nose like Jacob, but she had green eyes. "Your mom reminds me so much of you. "

"Yeah, Rachel and Rebecca look more like my dad." He familiarized himself, flipping through the pages of the album. Stopping on an picture of his sisters and mother.

"They do huh?"

"Hey, How about I take you home?"

"How about a movie, there's a midnight screening tonight that's playing in Port Angeles. If we leave now we'll only miss the first fifteen minutes."

"That sounds great, but I can't I have to finish my patrol."

"Why'd you come to that party and why'd you come home?"

"I just went to check up on you."

"Ok, well I can run myself home."

"No, I'll drive you. How about we go kayaking or canoeing or something tomorrow? DO you want to?"

"Yeah, we should go to James Island."

"It's a plan, now let's get you home." He walked me out to the porch and we got into his car.

"I'll be at your house first thing in the morning." He informed kissing my forehead.

"Okay, I'll see tomorrow."

I've never heard that story before, it was sad. I didn't know how to console Jacob. I saw how hard it was for him to tell that story to me. He drove me home and was left his clothes with me when he went on patrol.

_CHAPTER 19 Preview._

_"I'm sure he's fine Ness," Grandpa said with a pizza rolling around in his mouth._

_"Yeah, he's okay," Billy agreed._

_I stood up walking to the kitchen."He's missing though." My voice squeaked in a distraught voice and expression._

_"He's not considered missing until at least 72 hours." Grandpa let me know._

_"Well how-about 48 hours?" I wondered._

_"Ness-"_

_"Grandpa!"_

_"If he's still missing by tomorrow, well start to panic but Billy doesn't seem worried so I'm sure he's alright." _

_"But-" Grandpa chuck Cut me off._

_"Trust me Nes, he's safe." I pulled out some paper plates and napkins handing them to Billy and Grandpa Chuck_

_"This isn't normal though." I felt anxious, my breathing became accelerated and heavy. _

_Grandpa finished chewing the food in his mouth, dabbed it with a napkin, I watched as his expression fluctuated to my reaction._

"_Need to know," He informed me._

_"What's wrong Nessie?" Billy wheeled over to me._

_"Ness? Ness?" I heard my grandpa but for some reason I couldn't respond._


	19. Chapter 19 Missing

_NOTE: Long chapter. In this Chapter Jacob goes missing and Nessie freaks out…_

CHAPTER 19 -Missing -

My eyes attempted to open. They struggled to make my hazy vision clear. On my night stand , the dim red numbers said it was 7:57 A.M. _Wow almost two hours of sleep. _I thought to myself. That's the last time I go to a party. Even though I was only out late because of my heart to heart with Jacob. His whole idea of life without me was ridiculous because I could easily live without him in my life. _I think?_ I don't want to think about that but I couldn't help myself. If he left or died, it would be as if the sun had burnt out and I was sure to freeze to death. I won't think about that.

Wearily I got up. I stuck with my normal morning routine shower, teeth, hair, then clothes. Though I had a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. As I stepped back into my room, the clock only read 8:30 am. I need to remember to take my time. I decided on a walk give Jacob some time to sleep in he needs his rest more than I do. I eventually made my way to the kitchen. Rummaging through the pantry, I found nothing. The small refrigerator was empty too. Our house had a kitchen but there really was no need to stock it since my parents and I could solely survive on blood from animal. Quite annoyed at the lack of food in this house, I tapped my finger on the kitchen counter after finding nothing to eat.

"Morning hun," my mom said from the living room. Following her voice I schlepped to the living room and plopping on the large couch.

"Morning momma, morning daddy," I greeted them.

"Good morning," my dad stood up giving me a hug and kiss on the head,"You tired?" Daddy asked.

"Yeah..." My voice cracked and he smiled.

"Maybe you shouldn't be out so late then."

"I know, I know after the party, I stopped by Jake's."

My dad reacted very displeased,"Don't go to Jacob's without asking us Renesmee. "

"Why is going to Jake's all of a sudden a problem?"

"Just, It is. You know better."

"I do. I know, I know but he was upset about some stuff."

My dad clearly knew what had happened as I opened my thoughts to him. He curtsied his head, when I let him know everything that happened last night.

"How was your date?" My mother questioned not taking her eyes of a scrap book she was making for my grandma Renee.

"Pretty boring, but I got to hit Will at the party." I spoke as my nose wrinkled giving it my best shot not to laugh. Daddy didn't like the idea of violence but he understood what had happened. An almost evil smirk showed up on his face. .

"You hungry?" my mom asked, taking a candid picture of me. As soon as the brightness left my eyes and became used to the dim light again I answered her.

"Yeah, when can I go to the store? There's no food in the house."

"You're right, " daddy agreed, "I'm sorry we'll go shopping first thing when we get back from our trip. Actually maybe we'll leave cash for you." My dad was completely aware of my hate for hunting it used to be fun and I love the taste but I can't stand being the one to kill the animal, then guilt filled my soul as I drank each drop of blood from their system leaving an empty carcass of bones and organs.

"When do you leave?" I pondered about my parent's vacation.

"Tomorrow morning." Momma said. "Are you gonna come drop us off?"

"Yeah, I can."

"Well do you want us to go hunting with you really quick?" my mother asked, she still wasn't fully aware of my thoughts toward hunting.

"No."

"Alright, well go see if there's anything at Grandpa Carlisle's. I think there's still leftovers from last week when the pack was over for pizza" daddy's calm voice informed me.

"Thanks but I'm not very hungry, Is it alright if I go to Jacob's?"

"Uh..." my dad dragged his answer out.

"Edward. You know she's safe," momma said as if there was something out there that was going to harm me.

"Okay, Nes we'll see you later." my dad said reading the newspaper.

I bolted to La Push. Although, Jake said he would be over early I just needed to see him. His Rabbit was still parked infront of the house he must have still been home. The red building always seemed inviting, no matter how small it was. The freshly painted front door was still tacky. I knocked on the windows of the door.

"Oh hello,Nessie, Your here early, how are you?" Billy asked as soon as the door opened.

"I'm alright, how about you?"

"I'm doing good."

"Is Jake around?"

"Actually, he uh, just left for your house about five minutes ago. He didn't show up?"

"No, I was on my way here so I must have missed him. Do you mind if I wait here awhile?"

"No, go ahead."

Over the months I had become the designated cleaning lady to the Black men. Last night's stale dishes rested in the sink half filled of dishwater. As I began to do the dishes, I planned that it was a good idea if I bought a dishwasher for these men. I was getting sick of doing dishes for them but I am becoming used to it. Glad my vampire family had no use for tableware. I did the dishes and picked up the house, usually Jake's room was the worst. I picked up all his tattered and torn clothes that were strewed about his tiny shoe box of a bedroom. I grabbed the empty laundry hamper in the corner and placed all his clothes in the bin.

It was a bit drizzly out but I still stepped out to the back porch where the washer and dryer were. Too bad Billy wouldn't allow me to close the back poor up and make it a laundry room. It would be nice, since I do my laundry here and not at home. After throwing a few loads of laundry in and cleaned the entire house, I sat in Jake's room, eventually drifting off in sleep. It was nice I needed to catch up on sleep. A couple hours later, well it was actually two in the afternoon.

"Dad? BILLY?" I called out to him walking in the living room rubbing my eyes.

"Yeah," he asked

"Did Jake ever show?"

"Not yet."

"Oh Okay, I guess I better get him but I'll see you tomorrow for dinner?"

"As always... I'll make dinner though. You deserve a break from the kitchen."

At least he offered but if Rachel didn't come over and cook it would be me, we both knew that. If I wasn't here he would live on burgers and micro-waved foods. At least Grandpa Charlie had Sue to cook for him now but Billy was still a lone wolf.

"Thanks." He replied.

"Hey maybe we should have Grandpa Chuck come up?"

"That's a good idea, I haven't seen him since the last playoff game, I'll give him a call."

"Do you want me to pick anything up from the store?"

His face withered into a frown, " No, No. Well I don't know yet. I don't know what I'm going to make? Whatever it is hopefully it turns out." He chuckled.

I smiled knowing he would burn dinner. "I'll pick up a pizza."

"You're an amazing girl Nes."

"What are you saying that for?"

"You're so good to me and Jacob, thank you."

"For what being good to you or because I always make dinner?"

"Both. Cleaning up around here, taking me places. Keeping Jacob inline," He winked at me, " I really love you, like a daughter."

Over the past year I had taken over a large amount of chores so Rachel and Paul can get things prepared for their first child and help Jake out, since he could no longest take care of his father the way he used to. Things for me were gonna be easier now that Rebecca moved back.

"I love ya too Billy, like a father. So I'll bring an extra large pizza?"

"Sounds good." he said.

"See you tomorrow night."

"Bye."

Making my way home, I still had that strange sensation in the pit of my stomach. I cleaned up around our already spotless house and got some cash for groceries. Then I went to the grocery store. Most of it was just compulsive buying. Shampoo, chapstick, apples and a loaf of bread is what I came home with. All the groceries were put in their designated spots. My laundry was now caught up. My room had been neglected so badly in the last couple of months so I cleaned it much like I'm doing with everything else. Before I knew it I was falling asleep.

Jacob never showed up like he had promised. He's never made a promised to me that he hasn't kept.

There was a sudden crash from the living room, that I shot up and ran into the living room, hoping it was Jake. Only, I knew my parents were in the only beings in the house. What were they doing? Moving furniture around? The living room had their luggage lined up by the front door.

"Sorry, Ness did I wake you?" Momma apologized.

"No, I wasn't sleeping anyways. What was that noise?"

"I dropped this suitcase."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, even as a vampire, I'm still clumsy."

"Where are you going? You're plane doesn't leave until tomorrow evening."

"We're gonna go, hunt, before we leave." daddy said.

"Oh, again, okay?"

"We didn't get to go yesterday."

"Did you wanna come? You have to eat sometime." Momma asked.

"No, I'm just gonna wait for Jacob we're suppose to go canoeing to James Island."

My mom cringed at that name. She had told me the story about the vampire tracker that had hunted her before she was turned when momma and daddy first met, and I understood.

"We'll see you later, but if we miss you have fun with Jake." momma said giving me a quick hug, before both her and my father flew away into the Emerald, Lime and Jade colored forest.

Stepping out the door I could feel moisture in the air, and I felt the porch creek under my feet, I looked out to the dewy greenery, it was beautiful to look at but today it just didn't seem as beautiful. A lot of things felt like they had lost their shine. Everything in my life had dulled nothing was new and interesting anymore. I've already read every book my family and loved ones had. Boredom seemed to creep by constantly, until Jake was around. The fact of the matter is, I can't depend on Jake all the time for happiness.

Slowly, I walked over to my grandparents home. I had time, no need to rush off. Many thoughts clouded my mind, almost just as many clouds were in the sky. My body began to shiver, even though I was prone to coldness like a normal human I was still freezing. Quickly I dug my hands into pockets in an attempt to warm up._Were the heck is Jacob?_ Usually, he was early to see me especially on Sunday mornings, it was our day. Oh, how I wish I had my Jacob, I needed him here to keep me warm, he was awfully good at that. Pausing, I had that strange feeling in the pit of my stomach again. I threw my head back, staring up at the sky. Yep, I knew my mind held ten times as many rationalizations, memories and worrying.

My walking carried on, one step at a time. Suddenly, a loud howling rang through my ears. A growl, then a followed by a yelp. _Jake? _My heart beat so fast I could have sworn there was hummingbirds inside my chest. Holding my breath, I ran. Ran so fast and so far, I could still hear the dog's whimpers. I listen closely and followed the noise. At last, I reached the noise I had been searching for. The two vampires, turned around facing me in a defense stance. After seeing me, my parents calmed their tension.

"Oh, Ness, You startled us." At least, that's what I thought she said.

Stepping forward, the large drained remains of a wolf caught my eye. A sigh of relief escaped my mouth. Moving closer to my parents prey, or dinner, rather, I could feel the creases in my forehead. My lungs filled with air, as soon as I established that it definently wasn't Jake or any other of my wolf friends. _Wait...A WOLF! _

"Ness? Honey?" I could hear my dad but I was so focused on the carcass.

"How could you? What if it was Jake?" I exclaimed.

Momma tried to calm me with her with a soft tone,"Sweetie, we would never. We knew it wasn't Jake."

"I don't care! It was still a wolf!!"

"Ness." Before my father could finish, I ran back home.

I realized my action was impulsive but it just reminded me that I hadn't seen Jake all day. He would never just disappear like this, I would at least get a phone call. He was missing. I rushed back home to find no one home not at my house and not at my grandparents. But Billy was still home. Maybe Charlie was home? I hoped in my truck, it reminded me of Jake that's why I choose it, instead of an expensive Mercedez SUV, like he and daddy originally wanted to get me. Mostly for my safety but we both knew I couldn't die from a car accident.

The nearest pizza place was only a few blocks away, so I got a cheese for me and double meat for Jake and Billy. Grandpa Chuck would eat practically anything placed in front of his face. Driving down to La Push the rain began falling. My nails were now bitten down to the skin.

I was beginning to worry about Jake. Usually, if he had to cancel he would tell me in person or call, and he never called. Hopefully, he would be at Billy's when I got there.

The rain crashed down on my windshield. I flipped my hood up in preparation for the short walk from my car to the front door. The distant front porch light flickerd on and I could see another car along with Grandpa Charlie's police cruiser. Who could that be? Quickly I ran to the front door with pizzas in hand and opened the door.

"Jake?" I called out," Jake!"

Billy and Grandpa Charlie were sitting watching some sort of sports program.

"He's not home yet." Billy answered.

I looked around the home, I almost didn't believe Billy. The could easily look down the hallway in Jake's room there was no trace of him. There was slight footsteps coming from down the hallway, my eyes were affixed on the sound.

" Hey you wanna put the those down?" My grandpa asked pointing at the boxes.

"Oh, " I said startled, "So where's Jake?"

"I think he's out with Paul and Rachel?" Becca said. That must be her Honda Civic outside. "He should be home any minute." She didn't know me too well, I could see right through her lie, She knew something.

"It's 6:30, where could he be?" I walked back into the living room placing the pizza boxes on the coffee table. I sat by my grandpa, but payed no attention to him. _Where the heck could Jacob be? _My thoughts were interrupted by a familiar jagged voice.

"I guess I'm not as good as Jake huh?" Grandpa Chuck smiled. I shifted my body turning toward Grandpa and gave him a hug.

"I'm sorry, Grandpa, you're just as good as Jake, it's just, he was supposed to come over today and he never showed."

"Are you Jacob's girlfriend?" Becca wondered sitting on the arm rest of the couch.

"No, everyone thinks that, " I giggled at the thought, "He's my best friend."

"Mmhhm." She said disagreeing raising an eyebrow.

"I'm serious, he's like my brother," I couldn't help but internally smile at the thought, " Billy is he okay?"

"Oh, no need to worry Nessie, he's fine," Billy replied picking a piece of pizza up.

"Yeah, I'm sure he's fine," Grandpa Charlie agreed.

"You two dab the grease of those pizza's and Billy there's a salad here for you too."

"I'm not eatin that salad."

"Whatever you want but if you get a bad report at your next doctor's appointment you're going on a very strict diet."

"Fine, Fine, I'll eat the salad."

"I know you don't like it but it's good for you."

"Yeah, yeah."

"I'm gonna call Jake."

Billy looked at the salad, giving it a dirty look. Then he informed me, "He left his phone here."

"Again? I need to talk to him."

"I'm sure he's fine Ness," Grandpa said with a pizza rolling around in his mouth.

"Yeah, he's okay," Billy agreed.

I stood up walking to the kitchen."He's missing though." My voice squeaked in a distraught voice and expression.

"He's not considered missing until at least 72 hours." Grandpa let me know.

"Well how-about 48 hours?"

"Ness-"

"Grandpa!"

"If he's still missing by tomorrow, well start to panic but Billy doesn't seem worried so I'm sure he's alright."

"But-" Grandpa chuck Cut me off. "Trust me Ness, he's safe." I pulled out some paper plates and napkins handing them to Billy and Grandpa Chuck

"This isn't normal though." I felt anxious, my breathing became accelerated and heavy.

Grandpa finished chewing the food in his mouth, dabbed with napkin, I watched as his expression fluctuated to my reaction.

"Need to know," He informed me.

"What's wrong Nessie?" Billy wheeled over to me.

"Ness? Ness?" I heard my grandpa but for some reason I couldn't respond. _Need to know? What's wrong?_ My heart beat faster than, it should have. It already beat at such a quickened speed but this wasn't ordinary. Tightening my eye's I held my breath waiting for the discomfort to pass.

"Call Carlisle." Billy uttered. Then all my senses withdrew.

_CHAPTER 20 Preview._

_"What's Imprintee?"I asked._

_"Oh..Uh?" Embry looked over to my parents. But no one said anything._

_"It's a thing werewolves do," Rosalie interjected, giving me no eye contact. _

_"All Werewolves?" I wondered._

_"Mostly, not all of us have imprinted though," Seth spoke, "Like me or Embry or Leah."_

_"What exactly is it?"_

_"Uh?" Embry and Seth had a dumb look on their faces as they looked over to my parents. Then my dad nodded giving them the go ahead. Which was strange._

_Embry began to explain, "Well, when a wolf imprints it's when a person becomes the center of our universe. "_

"_Kay. What's that mean though?" _

_"All we want is for them to be safe and happy because, we can't help but love 's unconditional love," Seth said, giving Rosalie a dirty look. Actually everyone gave Rosalie a dirty look._


	20. Chapter 2o Panic Attack

_NOTE: Jacob is still missing but Ness briefly hears what imprinting is about, thought, Jacob didn't want her to ever know about it. A little filler. Enjoy oh I own nothing! Except the plot…_

CHAPTER 20 -Panic Attack-

The burnt orange walls seemed almost black, my vision was blurred but I knew where I was. I blinked to regain clarity to my sight. My room was bright and cheery usually, but at the moment, it didn't seem right. _Jake!_ I sat up instantly and felt a sudden rush. My head throbbed, the pain help me decide to lay back down. I rubbed my head and the sleep out of my eyes, then a distant well-known voices came from the other room.

"It's the power of imprinting they can't help but love each other."

"Not all of us," Embry said.

"We're waiting for Jake to make his move. I'm surprised he's been so compliant," Seth laughed.

"We can't help it, if it's in the best intrest of the imprintee."

I tried to understand their conversation but Icouldn't._ Imprintee?I think I've heard imprint before, is that the same thing? Billy said the word once but what's that mean? I_ was sure I heard it before but I can't really remember what it meant. Standing up, my head pulsated worse than before. Lightheadedness caused me to sit back down on my bed. I fought the pain and stood up, to see what the heck was going on. Walking in the kitchen I saw my parents and Embry speaking. Seth noticed me walk into the room, as did Rosalie.

"Look who's finally up," Seth smiled.

"Hi to you too Seth."

"Hey Half-breed."

"You're one to talk your half-breed too, were-wolf. Hey Embry." Embry currently had food in his mouth, as he mummbled a hello.

"Well I'm faster than you," he retorted.

"Good come back," I snorted.

"Are you okay?" Rosalie asked worried.

"Yeah, what happened to you?" Embry said staring at his food. I could have sworn he was going to make love to it.

"I dunno," I answered honestly.

"Are you feeling well?" My dad asked.

"My head hurts a bit but I'll survive," I spoke rubbing my temples, "How long have I been out?"

As daddy put down the newspaper he answered, "Almost twenty four hours."

"It's Monday! I missed school today?"

"I called the school, your homework's on your desk in your room," Daddy said.

"I had a Physics Lab and Economics test today."

Momma came and sat by me at the kitchen table, "Sorry Ness."

The silence filled the room for a few seconds but I wanted to know about this imprinting stuff.

"What's Imprintee?"I asked.

"Oh..Uh?" Embry looked over to my parents. But no one said anything.

"It's a thing werewolves do," Rosalie interjected, giving me no eye contact.

"All Werewolves?" I wondered.

"Mostly, not all of us have imprinted though," Seth spoke, "Like me or Embry or Leah."

"What exactly is it?"

"Uh?" Embry and Seth had a dumb look on their faces as they looked over to my parents. Then my dad nodded giving them the go ahead. Which was strange.

Embry began to explain, "Well, when a wolf imprints it's when a person becomes the center of our universe. "

"Kay. What's that mean though?"

"All we want is for them to be safe and happy because, we can't help but love them. It's unconditional love," Seth said, giving Rosalie a dirty look. Actually everyone gave Rosalie a dirty look.

"I have to go, " she said giving me a hug, "I'm glad you feel better." And she disappeared out the cottage's back door.

I felt a grunt in my chest, eating my breakfast. I placed my palm gently on Embry's hand. I could see the black, dark purple and dark orange swirl around in my brain.

"He's safe, he's been with Leah the last couple of days."

"Oh," I said, "Well this imprinting, what happens when the person doesn't love you back or want you around?"

"Well that's rare but we live with it, our main job is to keep the person safe and happy," Seth continued the explanation of imprinting.

"Is it like love, love or just like love?"

" Their our soul mates but it's whatever the imprintee chooses. Whether it be to fall in love or just be friends," Seth said.

"That's pretty cool. You guys are lucky. Oh. Were's Jake now?"

"He'll be by later."

"Did you know Rebecca's back in town?"

"She hasn't been here for years," Embry thought. "I wonder why she's back from a place like Hawaii?"

"I'm not sure but she said she's back in La Push permanently."

"Ness?" momma's soft voice called to me.

"Yeah momma?"

"Sit down in the living room. I need to go get Carlisle."

"What for?"

"He's still trying to figure out what happened to you yesterday."

"I'm fine I just forgot to breath."

"Yeah..? I want you to see Carlisle."

"Fine."

"Hey we gotta go, see you guys later. Feel better Ness."

"Thanks."

"Bye," Seth said, "Don't forget to breath today."

Embry followed, "Peace out home-girl."

As they stepped out the back door, Embry murmured, "Man he's gonna kill us."

"No he's gonna kill Rosalie, " Seth laughed. But I wasn't sure what that comment was about.

Both phased and ran into the forest. Quickly, my mother rushed over to get Carlisle and came back with Rosalie, Esme and Emmett but no Carlisle. Esme greeted me with a gigantic hug.

"Sweetie are you alright?"

"I'm fine." Emmett followed giving me a huge bear hug. "You scared us yesterday don't ever do that again."

"I don't even know what happened."

"You passed out I guess." He informed me.

I shock my head thinking of what must have happened.

"Carlisle's collecting his equipment." Esme informed me, petting my head.

It was a check up I was used to, just like a normal doctors visit. After all I was human, well half. He placed his stethoscope on my back.

The coldness from it made me tense. "It's cold." I notified him.

"I'm sorry."

He took my temperature, then checked my eyes.

"You need to eat Renesmee."

"I'm fine."

"Your eyes are almost fully green."

"Fine, I'll go soon."

" Good, now how exactly did you feel before you passed out?"

Placing my hand over his forearm I used my power to express my anger and worry for Jake. The red, purples and black filled my brain and the image of the wolf I had seen my parents kill, then Jacob being hurt or in danger. _I was scared._

"I see, you were worried."

"Yeah. My chest hurt. So, I held my breath waiting for the heaviness in my chest to pass."

"You have lungs for a reason."

"He was supposed to be at my house early Saturday morning but he never came. Yesterday, he should have been at dinner with me and Billy and Grandpa Chuck but he never showed."

"The other night, he, well, he should be better now."

"Better? What do you mean better?What happened to him? Is he alright?"

"I'll let you talk to him, he should be over anytime. Now is there anything else you would like to tell me?"

"Is there anything you would like to tell me?" I spoke in the most sarcastic tone.

"Ness, he'll be over soon."

"Sorry."

" Now, Did you hyperventilate, feel week or anything of that nature?"

"I was hyperventilating, my heart was beating faster than usual which must have caused the chest pain. And like I said I held my breath hoping the discomfort would go away then I guess I passed out?"

"Alright, you had a panick attack."

"There's no need to worry about things so much especially us and the pack."

"I'll try not too but I worry about you guys so much, but Jacob just I can't help it."

"There's no need to worry," He repeated.

"I know."

"Renesmee?" my dad sat next to me, "We all decided no more wolves, we know how much it bothers you."

"Really?" I questioned looking around the room at my family.

"Yes, even though they're the only decent tasting thing around here." Emmett glowered in his pity.

"Where's uncle Jazz and Ally?"

"Looking at houses, we're thinking of buying one in La Push," Esme answered.

"Why?"

"A new project for me and Alice to work on," Esme informed.

"Oh that sounds fun but maybe you should just fix up Billy and Jake's place."

"Billy won't allow us too."

"Well we better let you get your rest." Rosalie smiled and gave me a hug." See you later Nessie."

"Bye." Everyone filed out of the house and I decided to take a walk and maybe hunt along the way like I promised Carlisle.

_CHAPTER 21 Preview._

_"Ness?" he spoke softly and cautiously, "Are you mad?" Then he sat next to me. I positioned my back towards him."Ness? Talk to me." Then reluctantly turned and faced him. _

_"Where the hell were you?" I exclaimed._

_"Leahs."_

_"Leahs?"_

_When I asked, I pictured him imprinting on Leah, that's where he must have been? Embry said that person becomes the center of their universe, which is why he must have ditched me, without so much as a call. It's been a while since I've never been away from him for longer than a day, but three? Something was up. I guess that's alright as long as he's happy. It makes sense for him to be with his own kind. Now, all I needed to do was find someone like me. Which was going to be difficult. _


	21. Chapter 21 Safe

_NOTE: Jacob returns! Ness begins to feel something toward Jacob. Yay!_

_Enjoy oh I own nothing! Except the plot…_

CHAPTER 21 -Safe-

Strolling along the greenery and the soaring trees, I thought of the reasons I had a panic attack. Was it because I was suppressing all my distress about Jake? Or just other confined anger? School, family, my future or that stupid blonde that had threatened me when I was little, then they followed me to Alaska. It must have been all of those combined but _Where was he? Why didn't he call? _For the past couple of days I was so disturbed about his absence. It was almost as if I didn't function properly. I had Jake withdrawls when I moved to Alaska but this, this was ridiculous, ten times worse. Worry about him missing so much, I almost forgot why I was feeling glum before he disappeared.

Wondering along the thin dirt trail, there was a sense of aloneness that crept back up. A giant collapsed tree had landed to the ground not too long ago. I remembered a week ago it wasn't here. I sat upon the tree, examining the bark. It must have been miserable to be this tree that had fallen so far from its former glory. Before the fall, it must have been happy or at least content with things. Then one day it changed, all of a sudden the other trees and surroundings weren't the same, they weren't comfortable or even hopeful. SO, the tree let time pass day by day occasionally being satisfied with the moment but in an instant it came back, like a boomerang. It was a reaction like a rubber band. The rubber can only be stretched out so far until it snapped. Recently, I had felt the same way, so I know exactly the poor tree felt. Well maybe not but I felt this way, we all know the tree didn't really have any emotions but I did.

Normality wasn't in my vocabulary. Nothing about me was normal. Nothing about my family was normal, with the exception of Sue and Charlie. Nothing about my friends were normal. NOTHING about life was normal. I was not human nor vampire, I was always stuck in the middle. I tried hard to be human but there was no use, I'm not human. I felt lonely as that tree stood and just like it fell, I flipped, my emotions caught up with me in the form of a panic attack and worrying about Jacob didn't help either.

A slight noise came from behind me. Twigs snapped, leaves rustled. Also, a slight growl was lingering behind me. Should I be afraid, excited or angry? I turned around to see what awaited behind me. Suddenly a flash of light brown flew at my face and I was knocked off the tree. My back collided with the ground barely missing a rock that lay next to my head. I was licked in the face over and over again. _Eww gross._

I threw the large wolf of me and sat up in a sitting position. A slight wimper escaped the dog's mouth. Slowly, he sat next to me, nudging me. In attempts to ignore him I tuned the other way, he bite me and in defense, I hit him on the nose. He whimpered again running behind some trees. Then out came Jacob. He came back, I could see him rubbing his nose.

"Geez, what was that for?" he said as he sat next to me. Immediately I stood up and sat back upon the tree he had rudely knocked me off of.

"Ness?" he spoke softly and cautiously, "Are you mad?" Then he sat next to me. I positioned my back towards him."Ness? Talk to me." Then reluctantly turned and faced him.

"Where the hell were you?" I exclaimed.

"Leahs."

"Leahs?"

When I asked, I pictured him imprinting on Leah, that's where he must have been? Embry said that person becomes the center of their universe, which is why he must have ditched me, without so much as a call. It's been a while since I've never been away from him for longer than a day, but three? Something was up. I guess that's alright as long as he's happy. It makes sense for him to be with his own kind. Now, all I needed to do was find someone like me. Which was going to be difficult.

It was also going to be hard to let Jake go. My best friend in the entire world, practically my only friend in the entire world was going to be with another woman. Three days or two and half days away from him was just too long. If he and Leah get married it could be longer. But Leah hates me. Since I was born she has always showed a repulsion toward me. My mind whirled around the thought of the future. A future where Jake wasn't there. Just Like when we moved to Alaska.

_Would he call? _Though, he didn't call when we were supposed to meet me at my house and the three days after that.

"And you couldn't call?" I bellowed.

"I couldn't, I was incapable."

"What?"

"How-about we go to lunch?"

"Why would I want lunch? It's nine in the morning."

"Ness, it's past noon."

I took out my cell that read, 2:34pm, "Crap." I said falling back hitting my head on the tree. Have I really been wandering around the forest since, this morning.

"You okay?"

"Yeah."

"Let's go." He helped me down.

We walked back to my house and grabbed my grandpa's Mercedes that he so generously let Jacob borrow constantly. He drove for about five minutes before I spoke to him. "Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise."

A low muffled annoyed reply escaped my lips, "Whatever." My head throbbed in pain, as I rubbed it.

With concern Jake reached over rubbing my head for me. "Your head okay?"

Allowing him to rub my head, no response passed between my teeth. He still owed me an apology for disappearing for two and half days.

"You're tuff, I know you're fine." He answered for me as his sizable hands ruffled my hair. I swatted his hand away, not looking at him. Anger still boiled inside the pit of my stomach but the relief he is safe calmed it. I had a tough night the last couple of nights, sleep didn't come easily with me worrying about him. I caught up most of it yesterday but for some reason I still felt tired and I slowly drifted off to sleep.

A sudden wave of heat crossed my face, that made me wake up from my slumber. It was night fall now. I looked out the window, we were on not so busy street waiting at a stop light. With all rain droplets collected on the front wind shield, I could hardly see through it with the exception of a passing car. _Gosh, _ _Where the heck am I?_ Blinking a few times helped my vision a little. To my left Jacob sat at the passenger seat. He looked over smiling my smile.

"Hey sleeping beauty, you're finally up. I've been waiting."

"Where are we?"

"Seattle."

"What! Jake, do my parents know where I am?" With no thought I picked up my phone to call my parents. Dialing, a sudden warmth touched my hand, softly pushing my hand down. I tried dialing again, then my phone was grabbed out of my hand.

"Calm down, I told them before we left." He smiled at me, "It's not like you have a curfew."

"What are we doing in Seattle?"

"Well, we're still in town."

"Oh," I sighed a relief, "where?"

"Forks."

"What time is it?"

"Six. I drove to La push first for some canoeing but when we got there you were sleeping, so I waited. When it started raining, I decided to drive back here."

"So, you've been waiting for me to wake up?"

"Yeah."

"You're so stupid. You shoulda just woke me up, it's been three hours."

"I know that, Carlisle said you'd be exhausted though. I just thought I'd let you sleep."

I let out a sigh, so he clearly understood my peeved attitude. I still am upset with him. Not paying much attention to anything we parked on what seemed to be a deserted street. He turned and positioned his hand the seat of my car completely turning his body, until his shoulders were angled in my direction.

"Mad at me?"

"Yeah."

"I don't think you'll be after this."

"Are you going to apologize sometime?"

"That's what I'm doing." He answered leaping out of my car. _This apology sucks. _My arms were crossed in front of my chest and yes, I was throwing a temper tantrum. He came to my side and opened the car door. A cool breeze entered the warm car and I shivered a bit. "Come on." He said cooly placing his hand on the hood of the car leaning over me.

"No." I whined turning my head in the opposite direction of him. "I'm not going anywhere until you say sorry."

"Are you really, throwing a fit like a two year old?" My hand was placed on the handle of the door and I tried to shut the car door with all my might. He pulled it back with such ease. Despite having super human strength Jacob was much stronger than I. He kneeled down between the car door and me. He was at my eye level, I spun once again looking in the reverse direction of him. A soft heated feeling touched my chin, his hand had turned my face towards his. I just rolled my eyes up studying the top of the roof of the car, if I rolled my eyes any further up, I'm sure they would roll into the back of my head.

While I still looked at the leather roof of the Mercedes, slowly he moved the hand that rested beneath my chin to my cheek and his other found the opposite side of my face. Now, his hands were strategically placed on each side of my face, forcing me to gaze directly at him. His light brown eyes met mine, warm and smooth, the color reminded me of milk chocolate. Still locked into his stare and before he said a word, I already forgiven him.

"Come on I'm sorry." He pleaded with both of his palms still firmly pressed to my cheeks. The way he touched me sent waves of heat throughout my body. And now that I think of it, he's always had that effect on me.

Unhurriedly, I looked at him pressing my brows into a furrow. His did the same except he was sorry and worried about me. How come every time he made that face, I always felt…satisfied and happy?

My thoughts were bouncing around my brain, the thought of him missing, the thought of him missing the thought of him dead. But he was here in front of me safe and sound but those thoughts were still in my mind and they scram louder and louder. He was so close to me I'm surprised he couldn't hear them. I about broke down and cried right then and there. I pushed my forehead against his and rested it there for a few seconds. Hopefully, his warmth would calm me down like it always does. His breathing was speeding as was mine. This was working I was able to pull myself together. As I sucked in one large breath, I pulled my forehead away.

"I wasn't throwing a fit like a two year old." I paused pretending to be angry, " I was throwing a fit like a nine year old. "

We both smirked at each other before he helped me out of the car. When he offered a hand to help me out, I placed my thoughts in his mind. He was now, going to know all the anxiety he put me through.

Dark orange, navy, purple and black swirled through my vision. I hoped he knew how betrayed I felt and how worried I was. Seeing him dead on the side of the road, in both human and wolf form. The Volturi attacking him, tearing every limb from his husky body. Following that gruesome vision, I manifested myself standing at his casket after the funeral. When he snapped out of the vision I had just shown him. He shut the car door and looked down at me.

"I was terrified." I admitted.

Remorse and angst was his expression. The unease and concern I had for him appeared next to nothing compared to the illustration on his face.

He pulled me into a tight hug, I fastened my arms around him. The feeling of comfort replaced any left over anger and distress left my body. He was safe and that's all that mattered.

"I'm so sorry, I worried you." His head was now resting on mine. He hugged wrapping his warm arms around my waist. We stood there for a good five minutes. Nuzzling my head to his chest, I could her a low groan his chest. Which always let me know he was at in this moment.

Then his stomach growled.

"Come on let's eat." Of course food would ruin this beautiful moment we were having, food always did.

_CHAPTER 22 Preview._

"_You're so stubborn."_

"_We have that both in common, " I laughed, " Since being in Forks, I have seen you at least every day. Then you disappeared for three days. Now what happened?"_

_"There were a vampires on Quilete land."_

_"Oh, again? Jake, it's probably just my family you guys don't need to freak out. Or was it a nomad? Or?" The Volturi are back?_

_"No, we know your families scent. There we're five of them."_

_"Five?" I wondered placing my hand up stretching my fingers out. Each finger represented a vampire. _

_"We chased them from La Push all the way to Olympia National Park. We had them surrounded and we killed one of them. "_

_The Volturi? Why are they here? No doubt, Jane was here._

_Without even thinking I asked, "Was there a blonde?"_

_Sitting up straight, he ogled me almost with disbelief. "Yeah," He subtly titled his head to the side," how'd you know?"_


	22. Chapter 22 Visitors

_NOTE: Ness is still battling with her thoughts about him, but she hardly notices. Jacob explains why he went missing for three days. I OWN NOTHING! Enjoy. _

CHAPTER 22 -Visitors-

He grabbed my hand and lead me into a building, I recognized. It was my favorite restaurant. A local chinese restaurant I really enjoyed. I knew Jake didn't care for Chinese food but he loved me so much that he would eat here, Oh who am I kidding he would eat anywhere. We waited at the front until the hostess sat us, she shamelessly stared at Jacob as did every other girl. The hostess was talking to us or Jake for a bit but I was preoccupied with my thoughts to even know what they were talking about. The waitress then showed up and spoke. My focus wasn't on her though, any thoughts I were having were gone and it was now Jacob that I couldn't stop thinking about. His eye's always draw me in, his smile helped that. His dark hair short and perfectly manicured, along with his fit body. I realized I've always had an infatuation with him but maybe I was beginning to feel more than I should. He's always been my best friend, my brother, my protector but could we be more? _Come back to reality Ness_. I knew it couldn't happen though, we were completely different species.

"Ness?" he looked over at me, but I was still lost in his eyes. He smiled and laughed a bit, "Ness?"

"Oh, what?"

"What would you like to eat?"

"Oh water's fine."

"To eat..." He howled.

"Yeah, uh, sure." I stumbled over my words. I was a little late on processing what he had asked. Realizing I said water.

"She'll have what I'm having."

"Okay It'll be out soon."

"Thanks." Jake told her.

"Hello , earth to Nessie." He waved his hand in front of my face. I looked up at him, "Hhm?"

"What's up?"

"Oh nothing."

"I'm sorry I went missing…"

"Let's not talk about it, right now."

"Okay," he agreed.

We ate dinner, with very little talk. Glad that he didn't talk, I was taking in the moment. The moment that he was safe and all in one piece.

After dinner we drove along the winding roads of Forks. He pulled off to the side of the road and parked in the Forks Timber Museum parking lot. We were going to sit on the hood of the Mercedes but I don't think Grandpa Carlisle would appreciate that. Instead, we sat on still damp log in front of the museum.

The moon illuminated the night. Everything was visible; every tree, every rock, his face, his smile, his eyes.

"Thanks for dinner." I said expressing my gratitude. Even though I enjoyed human food, I still love human blood and was currently craving some.

"No problem, I know you love that place."

"I do. A lot."

"Again, I'm sorry-"

I cut him off holding my hand up to him biting my lip. I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk about it, I was afraid I was going to burst out into tears. And I never cry.

He continued, "Kay, Can you close your eyes?"

"I don-"

"Please."

"Fine." I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Hold your hand out."

I felt his fingers wrap around my right hand and cool metal surround my ring finger. "Open your eyes."

Opening my eyes, I saw a thin narrow silver ring hugging my finger. It was dull but beautiful. It was molted and hammered, it was rustic in it's own way. It had imperfections which made it unique and I liked that. All I could think was it was simple and simply gorgeous the thing was.

"Oh, Jake it's beautiful, but, you should take it back, don't spend money on me." I took it off and held it out to him donating back to him

"No keep it it's my apology to you."

"Please, Jake you could use the extra money."

"Don't worry about it, I got a raise."

"A raise? You only work for four days a week."

"But I'm the best mechanic at the shop, I'm the highest paid guy there."

" I'm proud of you. Imagine, if you worked full time."

"Hey almost $40,000 dollars a year plus commission isn't that bad for workin only four days a week."

"No, I mean, I'm glad you don't work that often. Otherwise I'd never see you."

"I'd make time for you."

"So business is good?"

"Yeah."

"I really don't see how you make that much."

"We're the only automotive shop in Forks and La Push, unless you want to go to Port Angeles for a oil change and, we're becoming highly known and getting people from, Port Angeles even Seattle."

"Impressive. Now, how much was this? " I wondered, examining every mark and every flaw in silver ring that was a bit too small for my middle finger.

"I made it."

"You made it?" I said surprised.

"Yeah, My dad taught me how to oxidize silver years ago."

"It's amazing. What's it for?"

"My apology..."

"Apology, " I muttered to myself.

He added, "And a promise."

"A promise?" I asked looking up at him.

" That no matter what happens between us, and I mean _no_ matter what happens, I'll always be here for you."

_Oh, no he finally imprinted. Crap, I hope we'll always be in each other's lives. _

"and we'll always be in each others lives?" I added.

"Always." He answered staring at me intently in the eyes.

"Thank you," I showed my gratitude, "I love it, but I'm still mad at you."

"For what giving you an amazing gift or gracing you with my presence?" he grinned at me but I didn't find it to amusing. After he said that I knew I was ready to talk about where he had disappeared to.

"It's about time you graced me with your presence. Where the hell were you?"

"Well I'm busy now-a-days, sleep, eat oh and I had a few dates to go on."

"Oh yeah? Was that waitress one of them?"

"Actually it was."

"Ah, and Leah?"

"No."

He answered sort of defensively. Leah had never thought much about me and my family but she liked Jacob. They always bickered but I knew they cared for each other. I always tried to figure out their relationship. He was at her house with her for the last three days.

"But you were at Leah's for three days?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I deserve an explanation why, this is the longest I've ever been apart from you."

"No, the longest was two year."

"Since being in Forks, I have seen you at least every day. Now what happened?"

"There were a vampires on Quilete land."

"Jake, it's just my family you guys don't need to freak out."

"No, we know your families scent. There we're five of them."

"Five?"

"We chased them from La Push all the way to Olympia National Park. We had them surrounded and we killed one of them. "

_The V__olturi? Why are they here? No doubt, Jane was here._

"Was there a blonde?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"Uhm, A guess."

"I recognized the blonde," he said more to himself than to me.

"Why are they here?" _Why I asked, I don't know. I knew exactly what they were here for. All they wanted was to get to get to me, like they've been trying to for the last eight years. _

"Im not sure but they got away. After we killed one of the woman, they ran back towards Forks and we surrounded them in Bogachial State park but they attacked me all at once and ran off."

"Jake!" I was so worried I knew there was something wrong. "You were attacked no one told me."

"Embry stopped by didn't he?"

"Well, yeah he did, and Seth but they didn't tell me anything about what happened to you they just said you were on your way over. No, no one told me anything though."

"They all attacked me and only me, we don't know why. Seth and Leah scared them off but Leah had to regenerate for a day Seth only had a tiny bruise."

"And you?"

"I was injured lets just say that."

"Why would they attack only you?" _when they're after me,_ " And why didn't anyone tell me?"

"I guess it's better that I told you anyway, I'm fine but If it wasn't for Leah and he damn temper."

Trying to ease the moment, I used sarcasm "Why don't you and Leah just date already?"

"And you're okay with that?"

"Sure, I think you two would make a cute couple."

"So what are you saying you want me to date her?"

"Yeah and no. I would like you to be happy with someone. You should go find a girlfriend."

"Me and Leah can relate to each other?" I asked and stated at once.

"So you should ask her out."

"uhm okay."

I was wondering why he was at Leah's for three days. Did he really imprint? I was fishing for some answers I needed to know.

"So where were you for three days?"

"They got to me pretty bad, it took three days to regenerate."

" That long?"

"Yeah, Carlisle had to come over and brace me so my bones would heal properly."

" You were hurt really bad weren't you?"

"Yes, Embry was supposed to let you know, I was unconscious for half of the regeneration which is why Billy had to call Carlisle in the first place."

"I'm gonna kill Embry for not telling me. You know I was so scared you were dead or even just hurt, I had a panic attack."

"A Panic Attack?"

"Carlisle said I worry too much about you."

"I'm glad to know you really care about me as much as I care about you."

"I always have, always will," I admitted.

There was a chill in the air and I was beginning to get cold and Jacob took notice. We made our to the Mercedes and just sat and continued talking.

Jacob spoke. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I lied.

"Lately, you've been, quiet."

"Can I be honest, with you?"

"Of Course."

"I'm still upset about your attack and I'm a little lonely."

"But, you have me and your family, the pack who are like your family and a few friends at school, how could you be lonely?"

"I don't have anyone."

"You have me."

"I know but I feel lonely. It's, as if there's a hole in my soul, I'm not sure what needs to be there. I don't know what's wrong with me?"

"Nothing's wrong with you."

"There has to be something missing. There's a world out there and I've never been further than Seattle well ,besides Alaska. It's hard being, the only," I caught myself before I actually said being half vampire. I didn't think it mattered until the recent years. I continued, "being me."

"I'm sorry, I wish I could make you feel better." He bitterly admitted. The way he said it was almost angry that he couldn't make me happy.

" Jake, it's not your job to make me content."

I thought I heard him grumble, "_Yes, it is."_ I doubled checked to see if that's what I heard, "What?"

"What exactly do you mean, you're lonely? I'm always here you know that..." his tone seemed angry and concerned at once.

"Can we drop this? You're getting upset."

"No I'm not, you are."

"Stop. Talking."

"Ness, I can't take it when you're unhappy, so please, I need to know why? What's the reason you're so unhappy?" He grabbed the steering wheel and place the keys in the ignition and started the car, as I began to talk he began to drive me home.

"I don't know. I love my family, I love my friends and I love you but there's a piece of the puzzle that's missing. How can I explain this? Momma has daddy, they have my family. You have Quil and Embry and the rest of the guys, Leah and I, I have no one."

He nodded, "You're right." His eyes turned to the road.

"Do you actually, get what I'm saying?"

"Yeah, vampires with vampires, wolves and wolves, and you have no other person like you. I never really noticed, I never thought you would notice either. But when I think about it, it must be hard for you ."

"There's Nahuel, but what are the chances of me ever meeting him."

"Yeah, sorry." He barely vocalized his words. "But you're right, we all belong with our own kind, I guess it should be that way."

The rest of the drive was silent. A few deep sighs from Jacob but that was mostly it. I took in his words, _we all belong with our own kind._ He was right for the most part, I probably belong with Nahuel. I wanted to meet him, fall in love with him, maybe marry him. That's what I was missing was love.

I turned to my left to observe Jake, he was thinking about something, and thinking hard. Sometimes, I wish I had my fathers abilities to hear what the hell that boy was thinking. On the ride back home and I feel asleep again. My next vision was Jacob carrying me to my bed. I awoke in my feather soft queen bed.

"Jake?" My voice cracked. "Of course, it was a dream."

"What was a dream?" He sat on my bed, disoriented by my statement.

"Oh Jacob!" I flew up from my sitting position and hugged him. " It was a horrible, awful nightmare. You were missing for days and was so worried you were killed, then you showed up and apologized giving me this beautiful silver ring." My hands were tossed around as I explained that horrible dream. Clutching my my wrist with his warm hand, he picked my hand up, raising it to my face. On my finger was an astounding silver ring. "OH." I muttered."Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Ness. Don't worry alright?" He asked cupping one side of my face, " I'll see you in the after school tomorrow, now go to sleep."

" I've slept enough today." I whined moving his hand of my face, "stay with me."

" I don't think you're dad would like that very much."

"Since when do you care what my dad thinks? Plus, you've always stayed with me until I feel asleep."

"Not tonight."

"My parents are probably preoccupied anyways."

"Gross." He wrinkled his nose.

"You're telling me." I rolled my eyes.

"Alright I'll stay but you know the drill."

Yes, I knew the drill all too well. "You'll stay until I fall asleep."

"Right."

"Deel." I stated, "Now come keep me warm."

_CHAPTER 23 Preview._

_"Hello, Renesmee," his deep voice greeted me. _

_"Hi, Nahuel right?"_

_"Yeah."_

_Our hands, interlocked and we exchanged smiles."I can't believe I am finally meeting another like myself."_

_"I knew you wanted to meet him and you were feeling lonely. So, I wrote them and asked them to visit and now you can ask him about life as a half-breed. I know you're curious."_

_Not even a second later, my arms were wrapped around Jacob's neck. "Thank you." _

_"No prob, now go get some questions answered. I'll see you later, I have another patrol."_

_"Another one?"_

_"Vamps, they don't sleep."_

_"The Volturi are back?" I whispered._

_"I'm not sure?" Jake whispered in my ear._

_Daddy barged in completely spooked and indignant, "What about the Volturi? Are they here in Forks?"_


	23. Chapter 23 New Company

_NOTE: Ness is still can't notice the fact that she loves Jacob. Jacob gives her a graduation gift._

_I OWN NOTHING! Enjoy. _

CHAPTER 23 -New Company-

There was a late winter storm in March. I tried to become a normal happy girl but I wasn't . I never found out if Jaocb imprinted or not. I'm guessing he didn't because he still spent a majority of his time with me. Much was going on in April, I actually attended prom. With great urgency from my father and my family. Luckily, I went with, the only guy I would not feel too uncomfortable with. I never intended him to go initially, but I was invited by several male peers to join them as a date, and after about my fifth invite my excuse was that I already had a date. That lie was my excuse not to go with anyone and Jacob was my alibi. He made it more bearable and enjoyable. The worst part was that not a one of the guys at school even compared to Jacob. I was hoping that I would meet someone at Forks High. They were all either sweet or just plain jerk-offs. The charming ones were just not the least bit attractive and any guy that was really wasn't worth my time.

Gradually, senior ditch day came and passed, of course I was the only senior who attended school. There was no point in missing out on school. Having the privilege to learn wasn't something I was going to take advantage of. I only did this, because as I recall, there was a time when my parents were never going to let me even experience school. So, as I saw it, I was lucky to have an education, unlike millions of children in this world. The humorous part was that I was sent home by the faculty because, well, there was no point in me being there.

My class ring came in last week, it was nothing that special. Daddy ordered it for me. He said I would thank him one day but I don't see the need for this ridiculous looking ring. Along with the ring, I had just received my cap and gown early today. Bright golden yellow. To sum it up the thing was hideous.

I walked out to the parking lot caring my cap and gown. Today wasn't Jake's day to meet me at school. Usually he would either just be waiting by my car or in his Rabbit. I searched around for a red Volks-wagon Rabbit, even though I knew he wouldn't be here. I felt thwarted that he hadn't shown uptoday. Still searching, the scent of rust and evergreen filled my lungs. I could smell him I knew he was here but I didn't see his car. Before, I knew it I jumped practically five feet in the air, when someone grabbed at my sides frightening me.

I turned ready to verbally attack whom ever it was. As I turned a pair of dark eyes met mine. It was just my Jacob playing a prank on me.

A bit annoyed, I inquired, "What the hell?"

"You nearly jumped five feet in the air." He laughed slapping his knee.

"Ha, ha." My lip snarled up at him, as I walked straight past him. Clearly, I was heading in the opposite direction of my car, not sure where I was going, I continued to stroll along. I hoped he would follow and he did.

I always got a kick out of this. I loved it when he chased me to, because usually I was the one following him around. Constantly, trying to be with him, being a tag along or randomly showing up at his house, it was as if I couldn't bear to live without him. But when he followed me, I felt as if we were even and I didn't need to feel guilty for always having the need for being around him. When he came after me, it made me believe he wanted to be around me as much as I wanted to be around him, hopefully. I always told myself this, hoping I could rationalize his behavior and my own.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He said catching up to me, walking around infront of me to stop my walk. Halting, I acted as if I was still peeved at him.

"I knew I smelt a dog."

"Shut up," he declared, grabbing my things." Here I'll take those."

"Thanks. What are you doing here?'

"I have a surprise for you." He mentioned as he opened the passenger side of my mother's old truck.

"What is it?" I asked eagerly.

His long arm reached to open the passenger side of the car. Completely ignoring my question he spoke, "Get in the car."

"What is it?"

"You'll see. Get in the car."

My lips shaped into a scowl and I batted my lashes to get an answer out of him. I knew it would work, it always works. "I wanna know."

"Nope." He put great emphasis on the P.

"Humph!" I exaggerated, sitting in the truck, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Quit your fussin' you'll see soon enough."

He placed all my things neatly on my lap.

After five minutes of silence, I decided he was right, I would find out soon enough. I'll bring up small talk. Like him dating Leah for the last couple months, or I assumed they were.

"How are you and Leah?"

"Not together, if that's what you wanted to know."

"Why I thought you two would be a great couple?"

"Ness, we went on one date. Actually it really wasn't a date and I only did because you asked me."

"I thought, you? You only dated her because I asked you?"

"Well yeah, I gave it a shot but we could never be more than friends, if that's what we are."

"Oh, didn't you imprint her though?"

"Who told you that?" He asked bothered, as we pulled up to my parents home and something was strange. Jake cut the engine and stepped out of the car.

"No one it's just I heard you wolves imprint and I thought you imprinted Leah."

"No, Renesmee. Imprinting doesn't-."

I cut him off, "Jake? Who's here?" There was a new sent in the air.

"Oh, don't worry."

"No Jake there's a vampire here." I was petrified, stepping backwards. "I can't recognize..."

Jake wrapped his arms around me, "It's okay, Ness."

" ...and I can hear...a heart beat." I trailed off walking closer to my home. There was a heart beat, quickened like mine. I've never heard a heart beat so fast.

"Come on." Jake reassured me. He grabbed my hand, on the spot I was relaxed. With a simple touch he made the atmosphere tranquil.

I made it to the front door, "Happy Graduation." Jake whispered in my ear.

"What?" He opened the door and there stood my entire family and two other's I didn't know but I recognized their faces. There was a short woman. Olive toned skin and long dark hair. I could tell she was a vampire but I never seen eyes the color of hers they were the color burgundy. Very strange for a vampire. Next to her stood a very handsome very tanned skin guy. He had long dark hair that was braided behind him. It bothered me, I just felt like grabbing a pair of scissors and cutting it off. His eyes we're also a color I've never seen on a vampire before, they were lighter than my parents. The thing was, he wasn't a vampire because he had a pulse, I could hear it. His eyes met mine. I grabbed onto Jake tighter because I was a bit frightened, I've never seen their kind before, "Nessie, this is Nahuel and Huilen." Momma let me know.

I turned back to look at Jake, "Really?"

"Yeah."

I looked over to Nahuel again and a smile spread across his face. I walked over to greet them and I greeted him. He wasn't that bad lloking.

"Hello, Renesmee," his deep voice greeted me.

"Hi, Nahuel right?"

"Yeah."

Our hands, interlocked and we exchanged smiles."I can't believe I am finally meeting another like myself."

"I knew you wanted to meet him and you were feeling lonely. So, I wrote them and asked them to visit and now you can ask him about life as a half-breed. I know you're curious."

Not even a second later, my arms were wrapped around Jacob's neck. "Thank you."

"No prob, now go get some questions answered. I'll see you later, I have another patrol."

"Another one?"

"Vamps, they don't sleep."

"The Volturi are back?" I whispered.

"I'm not sure?" Jake whispered in my ear.

Daddy barged in completely spooked and indignant, "What about the Volturi? Are they here in Forks?"

"It may be them, they keep coming from the north. They may be just stray vampires. We have to do a sweep through La Push tonight and you should cover Forks."

"Will do."

"Okay, I gotta go."

"Are you sure you can't stay?"

Rosalie huffed in the distance but I ignored her disagreeing remark.

"Not tonight, sorry kid." I hated it when he called me kid.

"Bye Jake, thank you."

Everyone else said their goodbyes to Jacob.

"Welcome." He bent over and his warm lips brushed against my cheek followed by a slow kiss. Not a peck and actual kiss. My whole body tingled, while he was still looking at me eye level. "See ya soon." He whispered and left.

Watching him step out the front door, the blood rushed to my face and I could feel my cheeks turn crimson. My hand found its way to my right cheek. His warmth still lingered.

Looking up, my father and Rosalie were eyeing me as if I was dinner. Obviously, daddy heard my thoughts, I was vulnerable at the moment, which is the only time he could read my thoughts, and Rose I'm just sure she saw what happened and didn't like it. I couldn't look at anyone else if they were watching. I just lowered my head and figited with my fingers and picked at my nails.

Suddenly, the pit of my heart didn't feel as empty, and my body quivered all the way down to my feet. Never before, has Jacob kissed me on the cheek, let alone in front of my entire family. Not sure what that meant but I couldn't tell what exactly I was feeling. Embarrassment, happiness, nervous, sadness I knew I felt all of these at once_. What the hell_? Unknowingly I felt an undersized smirk I attempted to hide. Clearly, this was an odd feeling. One I've never felt before but I liked it.

Sure to keep eye contact from any family members, I looked at my shoes. The sneakers old, worn out and dirty. Not only did my Aunt Ally hate these aged shoes but the mud in the crevasses surely irritated her at the moment. Jake and I always came back dirty after a hunt just to annoy her for the fun of it. The once small smile grew to a wide grin. And when I looked up both Jasper and Daddy were watching me. Knowing Jasper knew my feelings and daddy hear my thoughts, I looked up at the ceiling seeing if there were any cracks, seeing if the furniture needed dusting and looking behind me just because. Obviously, this was the crush I remember having when I was younger, right before we had left to Alaska. It wasn't right and I needed to get it off my mind.

"Ness?" Daddy called to me.

"Hmm?"

"You alright?"

Looking back at the ground I answered,"Sure, sure." And hide my smile.

"Emmett. Jasper. Carlisle.' My father appointed my uncles and grandfather, "We need to do a quick sweep through Forks, there's nomad here and Jacob's unsure as to whether or not they're from the Volturi."

Aunt Alice jumped up in excitement, "Edward, if I go to we could get it done faster."

"Alright."

"I'm going too." Momma called out.

"Why don't you stay with Esme and make Renesmee and Nahuel dinner."

"No, I want to go."

"I'm sure Esme will need help."

"I'll help." Rosalie offered. Over the years I have notice Aunt Rose's fondness for my mother grow. She always agreed with momma. Personally, I believe she loved to annoy my father. All I could do was smile when I thought about Jacob, I am so lucky to have a friend like him.

I went off to talk to Nahuel for a bit mainly about our home towns and how we felt like misfits in the vampire world. Rosalie and Esme had made fried chicken.

After dinner and much small talk, I was ready for bed. I said good night to my family, Huilen and Nahuel. I was not sure what Nahuel and Huilen were going to do tonight, nor did I care. The only thing that stuck out in my mind about tonight was that kiss Jacob had given me.

A few weeks had passed and I had quickly familiarized myself with Jacob kissing my on the cheek, whether we were alone or in front of someone. He had also been on many patrols this month and I had become worried. Today was Friday, we usually spent all day and night together on Friday's but like clockwork Jake had to go on patrol. I didn't feel tired enough to sleep, so I asked Nahuel on the walk. Quickly he agreed. We left at seven o'clock and I hope by the time I returned Jacob would be waiting on my porch for me.

Nahuel and I walked pretty far before either one of us spoke. Nahuel was nice but a bit too shy. I always had to initiate the conversation and I knew I was going to again.

"So, do you like it better in South America or here, in Forks?"

"Well, Argentina is my home, and here it's nice."

"Oh? Do you like being, you?"

" I used to hate it."

"Why's that?"

"I always felt I had killed my mother when I was born. I always thought of myself as a monster as an evil person or thing, but then I met you and your mother's still alive. I realized it was just circumstance, it really wasn't my fault."

"That's an awful burden to carry."

I really didn't know what to say. I was on this month long blind date that Jacob had set me up on and it was awkward. Prepared for silence I just pretended to see something of in the distance. Before, I could ask him to look at the non-existent object or thing, he released words I've never heard any mouth utter to me , besides my family.

" Do you know how beautiful you are?"

_Beautiful?_ Compared to my family I'm the most hideous thing around. "Uh, Thanks."My face must have been readable. He was contrite when he spoke.

"Was that out of line? I apologize."

" NO, it's fine. I've never been asked that but I guess I'm pretty decent lookin."

"Truth is, you are beautiful."

"Thanks."

"Do you ever plan to leave Forks?"

"I've thought about it, but just to live in La Push. I guess if the right opportunity ever presented itself, I would leave Washington all together."

"Well maybe you'll be out of Forks soon."

"Maybe? I'm tired. I think I wanna go back to the house. Are you gonna come?"

"No. I'm really hungry."

"Oh, okay. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"I'll be here."

"Oh and can I ask you not to eat, a wolf."

"Why's that?"

"It's sort of an unwritten rule around here."

"Okay, No wolves."

"Thanks, Night Nahuel."

"Good Night Renesmee."

I ran home, hoping my Jacob would be waiting for me but all I came to was an empty house. Momma and Daddy must have been hunting or patrolling. The home felt like a hollow shell. Once roaming with a living breathing species but now was empty. Much like I felt again.

I appreciate Jacob bringing Nahuel here but I still felt completely isolated. Something inside my body was longing to get out. It was shouting" _You Need This! You Need This!"_ I just wanted to know what _'this_' was. I went to bed worried as I usually did when Jacob went on patrol. Except recently, since he went missing, I was much more agitated than I used to be.

_CHAPTER 24 Preview._

_My heart swelled at that amazing comment. Soon, a spectacular vision followed. Jacob and I with our children playing at First Beach. Our kids were healthy and immortal like us, living happily in La Push in our own little house with a white picket fence and all. _

_Reality struck almost as soon as my fantasy began. I could never be with Jacob, I mean he was Jacob Black, my brother, my uncle, my second father. It would be great if it was possible but he only saw me as his little Nessie, nothing more, nothing less. Plus, the whole imprinting thing. The thought of him picking up and leaving me for an imprint would be unbearable. Also, knowing my infertility was about ninety-nine percent accurate, I needed to stop imaging what I want and thinking about the facts of my life. _


	24. Chapter 24 Same

**NOTE: Thanks to **_**blondieHb210, Black Phoenix -2009 & bobo 58373**_** for reviewing.**

**But here's some answers to some questions **_**bobo58373**_** had. I started to write this in Jacob's point of view to carry on from Breaking Dawn. Then I decided to start writing in Renesmee's point of view because there's things you know that Ness doesn't, it causes suspense. **

** And **_**Black Phoenix- 2009**_** had questions. No Jake didn't go on a date with the waitress, sorry I didn't clarify. As far as her own kind, he just wanted her to have a companion that was like her, not because he believes she should be with Nahuel. **

**As for her infertility- you'll see what happens. The BEST is yet to come!!!**

** This is probably my favorite Chapter Yet. Ness is beginning to be able to see her and Jacob build a life together. **

CHAPTER -24- SAME

I've grown close to Nahuel, he was sort of a crush. But I don't know whether or not I had a crush on him because he was a good guy or just because he was the same breed as me? Whatever it was, I needed to figure it out, and soon.

Too much time has been spent with Nahuel lately, so I asked Jacob to meet me at First Beach to hang out around six o'clock. I was hoping we could watch the sunset together. I showed up an hour early, and to my surprise Jacob was also there sitting on the sands of the beach.

"Hey." I came up from behind him placing my hands on his shoulders. I didn't even startle him.

"Hey you're early."

"You too." I responded settling myself in the sand, next to him.

"How'a life been going?" he wondered.

"Good, I've been hanging out with Nahuel alot. I finally fit in somewhere, somewhat. I feel normal, comfortable." I lied, pretending that his visit had helped me. " I don't have to pretend because I'm not the same as everyone else."

"Ness, you and me ,we are the same." he stated, with an expression that said I had hurt his feelings.

"No you're werewolf and I'm half vampire."

" That doesn't matter we're still the same."

"You were designed to destroy vampires, I'm half vampire. We're a paradox, completely an unnatural combination, and we're nothing alike."

"Well, yes but I'm half wolf and your half vampire. Can't you see we're both half of something?"

"Yeah but that doesn't make us the same, it makes us similar but not the same." I said as I played with the sand. I let the grains run through my finders, watching it fall.

Jake bumped me. "Gimme your hand."

"What for?" I wondered, clapping my hands together attempting to get all the sand off.

"Just give it to me." He said grabbing my left hand. He looked down at my finger, where the silver ring he had made me rested on my ring finger, on the wrong hand too. It was on my wedding finger.

"You have the ring on the wrong hand," He said tracing the silver with his index finger. I pulled my hand out of his palm and covered it with my other.

"It's the only finger it felt right on. It didn't feel right on my right hand so, I put it on my left and it only fit on this finger." I finished talking, playing with the ring that was still on my left ring finger.

" Sure," he quickly nodded his head with eyes tightly shut," Uh, What were we talking about?"

"You were saying something about how similar we are."

"No I was saying how _we_ are the_ same_."

"Sure, sure."

" Gimme your hand."

Once again, he grabbed my hand. It was the right hand this time. He firmly placed the palm of my hand directly in the center of his chest. The thin layer of cotton between my hand and his skin, didn't distract from his muscles. Underneath all the skin and cotton I could feel his heart beat, rapidly. It was beating at the same rate as mine.

"Do you feel that?' He looked intently into my eyes. I nodded slowly, looking at his hand that held mine against his heart. My sight lead up to his lips. They were in a straight line. His bottom lip was the same size as his top lip. His brows were furrowed so close together, it was almost as if he had one eyebrow. The thing was it wasn't unattractive, it had to be the cutest thing ever. Watching his seriousness gave me that tingling sensation in my entire body again and the hollowness in my heart was filled to the rim again. His chocolate eyes still gazed into mine.

"Our hearts both beat right?" he questioned squeezing my hand, that rested over his chest.

Nodding my head, I responded, "yeah."

"Not only do they both beat, but they both beat at a faster pace than any normal human. We're the same whether you see that or not."

"I don't see it but, I can feel it."

He guided my hand off his chest, playing with my fingers he continues talking, "If your heart wasn't beating , like your families', I would say were different, but yours does beat. Which makes me believe we are exactly the same." He continued to fidget with my hand not making eye contact; I unintentionally laced his fingers with mine. Easily my fingers fit and he didn't seem bothered by this gesture. It was strange how they always seemed to fit there, perfectly.

"You're right. I never thought of it that way," I said playing with his hands.

"Do you really think I'm right or you just agreeing with me to get me to shut up?"

"Both." I responded slapping his hand.I folded my arms together to hopfully warm me up a bit.

We sat there for a few minutes, my feet buried in the sand. He sat there biting at his lip and I scratched my head. The sun was just beginning to set and I was already freezing my butt off and I knew exactly how to stay warm.

"Hey Jake?"

"Hmmm?"  
"Do you know what the best feeling in the world is?"  
"Yep."  
"You do? what?"  
"Being with you."  
"No." I said but smiled internally at his comment.

"Then what?"

"I gotta agree with you though, being with my best friend is one of the greatest feelings in the world but besides that. Do you know?"

"I have not a clue."

"The best feeling is when it's cold out, and you're warm. With the cool air hitting your face but your entire body is warm."  
"Oh, I get , here." He held his arms open and widened his legs for me. I scooted over sitting in between his legs as he wrapped his arms around me. Leaning back on him, I could feel his hot breath reach my neck as he spoke. I could even smell the spearmint flavored gum he chewed.

"You're birthday's coming up soon."

"It's more than a month away. What are we gonna do?"

"I didn't plan anything this year, I thought I'd let you decide."

"Hmm, how about? Dinner or Movie night."

"Well which one do you want?"

"I don't know, you decide."

"I'll tell the pack and your family. We'll let them decide."

Another birthday with the entire pack and my family, that didn't sound very amusing this year. "No, I want it to be just me and you," I told him.

"Just me and you?" That question was being out through the ringer in his mind. I leaned my head back on his shoulder, looking up towards the sky and he rested his chin on my head.

"Yeah, no parents, no pack, and none of the rest of my family!"

"If that's what you want."

"Yep, that's all I want just a night alone with my best friend. "

"So just me and you huh?" I could hear the smile in his voice. I was glad the idea appealed to him too.

" Let's just go do something fun, like camping."

"Whatever, you want."

"You decide and surprise me."

After a few minutes of silence, and watching the sky fade from pink to a dark purple and now a deep blue. I was still snuggled between his legs and his arms were still around me.

Right before he talked he tightened his hold on me, "Do you ever wonder about the future?"

"Occasionally, I always wondered about who I'll fall in love with."

"Do you wonder about marriage or children?"

" It's probably not even possible for me."

"What about kids with Nahuel?"

_Nahuel?_ I wondered. "I don't know."

"What about, kids with me?" I was glad he couldn't see the expression on my face. I was kind excited to hear that, to have kids with Jake. But we couldn't, it's unnatural.

I attempted to drown out my never possible joyous thoughts with sarcasm, "Aww, cute little puppies, every girls dream."

"No, I'm serious, if we had a kid what do you think would happen?"

"No clue. I don't even think I can have kids. I'm beginning to stop growing and I, haven't had a period in the last year."

I looked up to him, as I still rested between his legs, with his toasty arms still wrapped around me. The understanding anguish spread across his face as he started out into the navy blue sea. He bit his lip, and I could see he shared the same bleakness, that I was already beginning to accept, about this overwhelming situation. Overwhelming was the key word. I shouldn't overwhelm Jacob with my sob story.

"I'm sorry, we don't need to talk about that. I'm just upset that I can never have kids with you. With anyone."

"With me?" He laughed, " I was just thinking that would be one messed up kid."

"No, it wouldn't!"

"A human vampire werewolf, that's a foundation of a sane kid."

I turned around to hit him in the face, only to miss and punch him in shoulder, as he dodged the original target of his nose. "Ow. What was that for?" he questioned. In all honesty I have no clue why I hit him. It must have been that his comment bothered me.

"Jake, don't talk about our kids that way!" I screamed getting defensive swatting at him again.

Slowly, Jake's head lowered to me and with a nervous snicker Jake inquired, "Ness, What kids?" A beaming smirk made its appearance on his face. With that smile, his brows condensing into one eyebrow, yet again and a frown followed.

I closely watched as he turned his attention back to the ocean.

"Oh, yeah." I brought myself back down to reality remembering his children would be normal, whoever the mother was. _It defiantly wouldn't be me, which saddened me_ This may be an uncomfortable and negative conversation we were having but I sought out to find the pros.

" Well, if we did have kids, they'd be fine they'd have each other and they'd be more human than anything."

"Two fourths human, Quarter leech, Quarter Dog, " he spoke shaking his head, " They'd probably have a somewhat normal life, more normal than you had."

He admitted to me. Normal. What was normal? I always thought humans were normal. Then again, many humans weren't normal. Making stupid decisions that benefited no one, not even themselves. More hatred, selfishness and greed came more out of humans than I've ever seen in my vampire family and shapeshifter friends. My kids were not going to be perfunctory. There's no way I will let them act the way I've seen. I pondered out loud about our non-existent children.

"I wonder if they'd eat food or drink blood or phase, or be able to run like me?"

"Only God knows."

"They'll die before us. Won't they?" This was a shock to me, I couldn't bare that, I couldn't have children with Jake, even if I could have children.

I had to be with Nahuel, someone like me, so, if I could have a child, my child can live as long as me and they could play with Jacob's kids. Or maybe they would still die before me.

Thinking about it put me through an internal panic. I couldn't bare the feeling I was feeling. And I've never even lost a love one to death. Not yet. If it hurt this much now, when death strolls in I'll be in ten times more pain. In that moment I decided I will have no children, I couldn't bear the thought of living in a world where my child past before I. The thought of human burials always saddened me everyone leaving a piece of their heart in the ground with the human remains and coffin. How they did it, left me in wonderment. I didn't want to bury my own child.

"Ness, don't talk like that." He retorted. At first I believed it was to my minds thought but it was to my last pessimistic comment.

"You are right though, either way my kids are gonna be screwed up." I frowned and my hands were crossed over my chest.

"No, I didn't mean that, I just meant they'll never normal."

"All I want is for my kid is for them to be normal or at least feel normal and I can't give them that."

"Nessie, I didn't mean that in a bad way. Normal is boring. Your kids shouldn't be normal, they won't be. They will be smart and beautiful, like you, no matter what. They'll have the best life, especially with you as a mother."

My heart swelled at that amazing comment. Soon, a spectacular vision followed. Jacob and I with our children playing at First Beach. Our kids were healthy and immortal like us, living happily in La Push in our own little house with a white picket fence and all.

Reality struck almost as soon as my fantasy began. I could never be with Jacob, I mean he was Jacob Black, my brother, my uncle, my second father. It would be great if it was possible but he only saw me as his little Nessie, nothing more, nothing less. Plus, the whole imprinting thing. The thought of him picking up and leaving me for an imprint would be unbearable. Also, knowing my infertility was about ninety-nine percent accurate, I needed to stop imaging what I want and thinking about the facts of my life.

"We shouldn't be talking about this...It's not like I can have kids anyways."

"Renesmee, you don't even know your options or the possibilities. Why are you acting this way?" He questioned peeved.

"What way?"

"So negative."

"I can't help it. I feel, sad. Like, something is missing."

"Still? I thought Nahuel would fix that."

"I thought so too. For the first few weeks I felt at ease but now, I feel just as detached as before. Maybe it's, maybe I need to fall _deeply_ in love, but what if I never find love? Just like I can't have kids."

"Ness, I can't promise you, that you'll have _normal_ kids. I can't promise that you will ever have children, of your own, but I can promise that you'll find love, one day."

"I hope so, one day."

"And as far as Kids, maybe you should go talk to Carlisle." That suggestion he had, was actually a good one.

"I should, huh? I should go talk to him right now." Eagerly I stood up.

"Would you like me to take you?"

"Would you?"

"Let's take our time, I still want to spend some time with you."

_CHAPTER 25 Preview._

_"Can I ask you something?"_

_Grandpa smiled at me, "Of, Course."_

_"It's kinda personal, " I stated, he nodded back and I carried forward with this difficult topic, " And I thought it would be best to ask since Daddy is gone."_

_"Fair enough, What is on your mind?"_

_"Can, I have...Uhm?" I scratched the back of my head out of nervousness, "Is it possible for.... How do I ask this?" I let out a loud sign and decided to let my powers do the work,"Let me see your hand." I grabbed his hand, and sent the pulse of my thoughts and emotions through him. The brownish red and light purple showed itself. I flat out showed him me, being pregnant, than asking '__Is it possible?'_


	25. Chapter 25 Options

**NOTE: Now in this chapter Renesmee questions her fertility. SHe has a conversation with Carlisle but doesn't get many answers. Suggestions for the story are always welcome! I own nothing but the plot. Enjoy! You can skip the underlined area if you would like, it would be hard to understand if you haven't seen the movie. If you love old movies I suggest watching Gaslight, I love that movie!**

CHAPTER 25 OPTIONS

Jake walked with me back to Carlise's mansion of a home. Along the way we saw a couple of frogs along the brooke and a few black tailed deer. The scent invaded all my other senses but I wasn't that hungry. There were a few Bunchberry Flowering dogwoods, they always seemed to catch my attention. We sat there for a few minutes until, it began to sprinkle. Soon we were running, Jake in his wolf form and me sprinting next to him, with his clothes and shoes in hand, to Grandpa Carlisle's. Lightning and thunder quickly began to roll in, it always caused bad dreams, which made me believe that there was bad news coming. Jake dropped me off, leaving for another patrol, again. I left his clothes and shoes on the porch.

Momma and Daddy had left for Denali as they were supposed to a few days ago before my anxiety episode. My parents had stayed back when they had received the call from Grandpa Charlie, that I had passed out. To worried about my mental state or health or whatever, they opted to leave in a couple of days when I seemed somewhat stable. The house was cold as usual. I grabbed a coat out of the closet. Wrapping a cut tweed pea coat around my now cold skin. I knew it was Alice's she had about twenty of them so I knew she wouldn't mind if I borrowed it for a bit.

Rosalie was probably with Uncle Em in the garage messing with Momma's old truck, that I loved so much. They continuously did upgrades to it without ever informing me. They also managed to find a 1957 Chevy Bel Air Nomad shell. I was a bit jealous. Emmett had boughten it for Aunt Rose so she could rebuild it for her to drive. Currently, I couldn't tell you where Alice was, but I knew Uncle Jasper would be with her. Making my way to the living room I found Grandma Esme crocheting something as she watched a black and white re-run of the classic film Gaslight on AMC.

"Hi, Grandma." I called out to her as I walked closer and plopped down next to her on the sleek couch.

"Hey, baby what are you up to?"

"Nothing much, I need to talk to Grandpa, where is he?"

"In his, study."

_I sat and watched for awhile. Paula, the main character, is being told by her husband, Gregory Anton, that she is insane, or in a much more polite way, she was not able to remember simple things. Slowly ,she begins to believe her husband. She believed she was slowly going insane and, I felt the same way. Driven insane not with confusion but with loneliness. I still couldn't come to terms as to why I felt lonely and depressed. Maybe, I needed love, perhaps, I had a biological clock ticking, in fact, it stopped ticking. Suddenly, I comprehended why I may be feeling this way. I could never have children and my body, heart and mind knew it, I just couldn't process this, until this very moment. No longer could I watch this movie, I felt just as insane as Paula felt but barrenness and loneliness must have been my Gregory Anton driving me into a lunatic. Oh man, I couldn't even make sense in my own mind, this movie always did this to me, making me feel like a mental spastic person. Promptly, I stood and dashed to grandpa's study while I sent word to Esme that I was going to speak with Carlisle. _

"I'm gonna go talk to grandpa!"

"Alright." I could faintly hear her now echoing voice as I climbed the stairs. I came to the end of the hall where Grandpa's office was. His study door was always open. I stood at the door frame seeing him read a newspaper. Still I stood at that door frame knocking on the drywall that was next to the molding, framing the doorway.

"Carlisle?"

"Hello, my granddaughter," he smiled cheerfully, folding the newspaper up turning his complete attention to me, "How are you doing?"

"Quite alright, I could be better."

"Oh? You're not really alright are you?"

"No. I need-" I paused.

" What is it you need?"

"Can I talk to you?"

As he made his way onto his feet, he walked around to the front of his desk, casually sitting on it and crossing his arms, "You know you always can Nessie?"

"Can I ask you something?"

Grandpa smiled at me, "Of, Course."

"It's kinda personal, " I stated, he nodded back and I carried forward with this difficult topic, " And I thought it would be best to ask since Daddy is gone."

"Fair enough, What is on your mind?"

"Can, I have...Uhm?" I scratched the back of my head out of nervousness, "Is it possible for.... How do I ask this?" I let out a loud sign and decided to let my powers do the work,"Let me see your hand." I grabbed his hand, and sent the pulse of my thoughts and emotions through him. The brownish red and light purple showed itself. I flat out showed him me, being pregnant, than asking _Is it possible?_

_"_Ness, You're half human, which believes me to lead that it's possible. Your growing has slowed, which may be a concern, if you do become pregnant, I'm unsure how it will affect you and a fetus, physically."

"I'm stronger than momma was."

"But you're still human, and your growth is slowing, as soon as it stops, I'm not sure if you'll still be able to ever conceive."

"But my heart will still be beating, so doesn't that mean I can have a baby."

"Maybe, as long as you have a menstrual cycle."

"It stopped having one a while ago. I know this was a dumb question, I j-just wanted to know my options."

"It's a perfectly normal question."

"But if I can have kids, what if I have a kid with a vampire, or someone like me or..." I paused at the thought but I wanted to know, " someone like...Jacob?"

"Like Jacob?"

"Yeah, Jacob or someone like me or a vampire or even a human." I watched his eyebrow raise high above the other, a slight snicker came from his mouth but I forged ahead with my wonderment, " I was just wondering."

"Well, it's simple math."

"Hmmm, so it could be possible for me to have my own child?"

"Nessie, I didn't even know your kind existed until you were born, so I know about as much as you do. All I can say is, when it comes to you, I am completely unsure of everything. But...If you want my personal opinion..."

"I do, I do."

" I believe it could be possible."

"Even if I don't have my period anymore."

"You've always had an erratic period, perhaps there's still that slight chance. Your growth has halted, but like I said, I don't know much about your kind. Don't count on my opinion though, I just can't give you a definite answer, not yet. I'll have to do some research."

"Okay." I responded gnawing at the inside of my cheek.

"I apologize for not being more helpful."

"No, it's find Grandpa. Thanks."

"Alright, sweetie. Is there anything else?"

"Do you have food in the fridge?"

"You're not going to Jacob's for dinner tonight?" It was now seven pm.

"Nah, Jake has a patrol and Billy was having Grandpa Chuck over I thought I'd let them have guys night, if they don't call to have me make dinner."

"You deserve a night off from cooking."

"I do. Thanks again grandpa."

I left that study even more disappointed than before. The steps actually creaked as I placed my foot on each step. Making the loneliness I have been feeling only echo more in my soul. It was as if all the stars in the sky had suddenly burnt out, all was dark when each star should have shone brightly. Each star being possibilities; of love, of children, of a happy future for myself. Truly, I counted on Grandpa's opinion but if the most intelligent being I know has doubts about my fertility, then I should be to. The fact that I had technically got no real answers, bothered me.

Through this, It was time to come to terms with my barrenness and loneliness.

Feeling depressed, I made my way to the sleek and modern kitchen of the house. At a sloths speed, I made a ham and cheese sandwich. I placed the mustard and mayonnaise back in the fridge, along with everything else. I sat at the counter top staring at my sandwich. We were having a staring contest and believe it or not, I was winning. My eyes were burning as I was day dreaming about the children I could have had. About the soul mate I desired. All I could do was absorb this sudden change in my life. Now, I wasn't as hungry as I thought.

"Hey Renesmee, what's wrong?" My aunt Alice's Alto voice didn't startle me. She always appeared out of no where.

Not feeling like talking, I placed my hand over hers as soon as she sat at the bar stool next to me. I showed her the daughter I was just imagining. She had pin straight dark brown hair, and I had given her green eyes. I hoped daddy's human trait of green eyes would be passed along to my children, but that was a long shot. So I showed her with brown eyes. Her skin wasn't as pale as mine, she had a bit more color. It looked like she had a tan from being in the sun all day.

"Where did you see that girl?" she examined my vision I had shown her.

" I've had dozens of dreams about her and a little boy," I answered playing with my sandwich.

"Don't play with your food," she said slapping my hand, "Why'd you show me her?"

"That's what I would hope my daughter would look like. If I could have children," I said still staring at my sandwich. "But I can't."

"Show me your son." I turned to her, a gigantic smile spread across her face. She placed her hand out, palm up waiting for me to touch her. At first, I was going to say no but I decided to indulge her. I placed my palm on hers and showed her my imaginary son. Dark hair, similar to my daughters, but almost black. He had lighter skin and he for sure would have dark eyes.

"They look so similar yet, nothing alike."

"That's what they look like in my head, in my dreams or at least what I would want them to."

"He looks like Jacob."

"He does huh? Well, I guess my imaginary son would look like Jake."

"Your daughter looks like you and Jake mixed but I think hazel eyes would fit her better."

"Yeah, well those are my imaginary kids."

"They're beautiful," she smiled, " Now eat your sandwich."

_CHAPTER 26 Preview._

_"Renesmee?" Nahuel lightly brushed my arm when he said my name. _

_"Hmm?" I acknowledged him turning my head his direction but never taking my eyes of the fall. _

_" Would you marry me?"_

_My head and gaze turned to him swiftly, I was astounded and flattered. "Marry you?" I spoke in such an impingent tone that he hesitated to answer._

_"Ye- Yeah?" He studdered. I truly was flattered and even thought about saying yes for a second, but thinking about the logistics of the situation. _


	26. Chapter 26 Admiration

**NOTE: **

CHAPTER -26- Admiration

The following morning, I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and took a long warm shower. It was a lazy Saturday morning. Knowing Jake had a late night last night I decided to let him sleep in really late. I had an uneventful boring morning, I ate an apple and sat at my laptop most of the morning googleing random subjects such as the Civil War and the tallest churches in the world. At eleven o'clock I decided I had to get up and do something, anything. Nahuel was out and about with Huilen I assumed so I made my way to the bathroom applying makeup and picking an outfit out. When I looked presentable, something I rarely worried about I arrived at the conclusion that I should go and surprise Jake. I grabbed my keys and rushed outside. Nahuel had met me at the front door before I had even begun to lock the deadbolt.

"Hi, Renesmee."

"Oh, Hi, Nahuel." I was not expecting him to be here.

"Did you want to go on a walk?"

"I was about to," I paused, imagining Jacob sleeping. I should let him sleep. "Sure."

"It's a beautiful day today," he said. For once starting a conversation.

"It is, but I prefer the rain."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I don't know why? I think maybe because my family can come out in public with me."

"Makes sense."

After a lot of small talk we stopped at a small stream. It was a miniature waterfall cascading through the many rocks that were randomly situated in the ground. Douglas firs and countless conifers and ferns suspended and floated over the fall. It was beautiful, it also was where Jacob used to take me to see tadpoles. I smiled staring at the waterfall, I was lost in the moment enjoying nature's beauty.

"Renesmee?" Nahuel lightly brushed my arm when he said my name.

"Hmm?" I acknowledged him turning my head his direction but never taking my eyes of the fall.

" Would you marry me?

My head and gaze turned to him swiftly astounded and flattered. "Marry you?" I spoke in such an impingent tone that he hesitated to answer.

"Ye- Yeah?" He studdered. I truly was flattered and even thought about saying yes for a second, but thinking about the logistics of the situation.

tion, an attachment to each other and strong affection towards one another, adoration and he was handsome, that was a bonus. Was our love austere? It seemed so. If Nahuel saw us... I would understand him thinking we were in love. But what was he doing, spying on me? What an invasion of my privacy!

"I'm...flattered Nahuel really. But, I hardly know you."

"We're the same. We have the same thoughts, fears, we have the same troubles. We need each other to get through this life. We belong together."

He had a good point and I have grown to respect him over these past months, but can a marriage be built on respect and not adoration? I didn't even respect him completely he still ate humans,while eating animals also. Though he has stopped his murdering since he's been here.

"Maybe so, but it's too soon to say, no one should get married after only knowing each other a couple of months."

"We belong together, I don't know another female half-breed, that I'm not related to."

"I understand that but, let's say we do get married...and we end up hating one another, I don't believe in divorce. And we will be married forever, literally. I mean we aren't even dating, I barely met you."

"But we must be destined to be together."

"Destined? Nahuel I apologize, but I won't marry you because you think we're destined. I love you, I do but I won't marry you. There's nothing impending between us." _Did I really love him the right way thought? Or did I just like that he was another of my kind._

"I love you too," he responded. Did our love have the same meaning? I so love him ; like a friend, like a family member but I'm not sure if I am completely in love with him. Not just yet. But maybe I should marry him, grow to love him, could that really be so bad?

"Uhm, I love you but I'm not in love with you." I admitted.

"It's someone else isn't it?"

"No."

"Yeah, It's that Jacob."

"Jacob?" I wondered, why would he bring Jake into this?" Nahuel, Jacob has nothing to do with my decision."

"Oh, yeah? I can tell you're in love with him."

"In love... with Jacob?"

"Yeah, you love him."

"I do love him, he's my ,my brother, my best friend, I'll always love him. But nothing more than that."

"It didn't look that way yesterday when you two were at the beach."

Sure, any observer would assume we were together much like Jen did a few months back. Holding hands with a friend was considered more than friendly and him always holding and hugging me, had the appearance of more than a platonic love. Though, Platonic Love is what we had. Our relationship was based on a strong connec

"You followed me and spied on us?"

"No. I didn't mean to interrupt any fidelity between you and that Mutt!."

"You have no right to call him that."

" Your mother said you were at the beach so I went to fetch you but you were with that, Jacob."

"Whatever. I'm just going to let you know, I was considering saying yes to marrying you."

"You were?"

"Of course, we're the same. But you assume I'm in love with Jake. And let me tell you, I'm not in love with Jacob." _Or am I? NO. _I shook my head to myself.

"I didn't think so, until I saw you both showing this, a desire to be with one another and admiration for each other."

He used that word. Admiration. I did feel that for Jacob. I care and respect him deeply. But that's not love.

"I'm not in love with him," I defended.

"So if it's not him, then why do you not want to marry me?"

"Because, we just met seven weeks ago, and-"

"Don't you believe we have to be together?"

"I don't know. You'll have to give me time to try and figure that out."

"I've got time."

" And you'll have to move up here to Forks. I've been away before and I won't leave my family, again. It becomes very lonely if you don't have the ones you love around you."

"You told me once you'd move if the right opportunity presented itself."

"I meant like school or a career, something important."

"And marriage isn't important to you."

"Not at the moment, no. You'll have to move here if you want it to work."

"Move here? I don't think I can do that."

"Well, I can't even give you a chance then."

"Perhaps we can go back and forth between Argentina and here?"

"That could work but I need to be with all my family more than you think."

"How often do you need to see them?"

"Once a week at the least."

"Once a week? Hmmm," He pondered, "Maybe my aunt would move up here, if she knew we would be married."

"We won't be married though, we would be dating."

"There's no way Huilen would move up here, if we are not married."

"Then you move up here alone."

"She's my only family and she'd never leave South America."

" Maybe she would, then we could give a relationship a chance."

"I've asked he to leave Argentina before, she won't leave that's her home."

" Forks is my home and I won't leave."

"I'm sorry, I won't move up here."

"Then I'm sorry I won't marry you."

"Alight, I best be on my way back to Argentina then. Tell your family I appreciate their hospitality."

"I will."

"It was amazing to meet you Renesmee," Letting a disquieted tone leave his mouth, he took my hand and placed his lips on the back of my hand, " I really wish we could work this out, but I understand your choice, Good Bye."

"Bye."

Quickly he bolted of to the south, disappearing into the forest.

_CHAPTER 27 Preview._

_Oh please, no, no, no don't be here. As I turned I was unpleasantly greeted with a familiar set of red eyes._

_"Don't you remember me child?"_

_"I remember you all too well, how are you doing Jane?" I spoke as if I weren't afraid._

_"Don't ask, especially if you don't care. Did you have an answer for me, yet?"_

_"Not yet."_

_"Well, I'm back because I am not asking anymore, you've had nearly a decade to decide and I am telling you ,you have to come with me."_


	27. Chapter 27 Confrentation

**NOTE: I guess I'm an author so …AUTHOR'S NOTE: I HATE THIS CHAPTER. It was so complicated to write.**

**But it explains what Nessie saw throughout her childhood. She still doesn't understand her feelings about Jacob and even Nahuel crosses her mind. But she is so confused.**

CHAPTER 27 Confrontation

As I walked back home, I was left with my thoughts. Nahuel was nice and handsome. What was so bad about him? Maybe I should have said yes. What was the chance of me ever finding another half-breed like myself? I looked up to the cloudy sky. Today I could really use some sunshine this very moment. Everything was turning sour. First I find out having children may never be an option and now I lost Nahuel. Really could this day get any worst. At that very moment as I had that precise thought A voice rang out, an awful familiar voice.

"Hello Renesmee."

_Oh please, no, no, no don't be here_. As I turned I was unpleasantly greeted with a familiar set of red eyes. No wonder my malaise was on high alert.

"Don't you remember me child?" her child like voice scared me just as much as it did when I was a child. And what was she calling me a child for? I look older than her.

"I remember you all too well, how are you doing Jane?" I spoke as if I weren't afraid.

"Don't ask, especially if you don't care. Did you have an answer for me, yet?"

"Not yet."

A flood of memories came back to me. I was asked to go with the Volturi before, several times. At Strawberry bay, during Grandpa Charlie's wedding reception and several times in between and after. Each time they threatened my Jacob and I never understood why.

A sudden realization hit me, they had been the ones putting the pack on none stop patrols. Were they the ones who attacked Jacob?

"Well, I'm back because I am not asking anymore, you've had nearly a decade to decide and I am telling you ,you have to come with me," Jane said emotionless.

"You still haven't told me exactly why."

"Aro would like a word with you."

"What about? For the past eight years and eleven months not once have any of you told me why I had to go to Volterra. Now tell me, WHY DOES ARO WANT TO SEE ME?"

"That is not my business to state."

"I'm afraid I can't go with you then."

"Then your precious Wolf will die."

_My wolf? Jacob, what will they do to my Jacob? Attack him…Again?_

Instead of showing my concern I played it off, clueless. "Why would he die?"

"I thought you would take his last attack as a warning."

"It was you. You attacked him," I pointed at her stepping closer but I halted. It took every bone in my body not to attack. I practically shut my entire system down just so I wouldn't lunge myself at her. They harmed my Jacob! Maybe, if I did attack I could kill her, I could take her. I encouraged myself in my brain. But I remembered the powers she had and the fact that the Volturi never travel alone. There's always two or more. If I attack another would come out from hiding and they would surly kill me.

"Yes, and next time we will kill him." She just admitted the attack.

Once again, I played it cool, "Kill him, I don't care."

"She's lying." Another came out from hiding just like I had thought.

"You think I don't know that!" Jane shouted at the tall beautiful woman, then turned to me, " Renesmee We've been living a very long time, we can easily tell when the truth isn't being told. Not only that, Chelsea can change the string ties you have with your family or your wolf."

"Then break our ties it would be easier for me to leave, " I answered quickly.

"Chelsea, why haven't you broke their ties?" Jane turned to Chelsea and whispered.

"I been trying, " she whispered but I could still hear her, " but I know that she loves him, I've been trying to strengthen her ties to other things."

I couldn't believe they acted like I didn't hear what they had just said. But what were they strengthening my ties to?

" She knows you love him and I've been studying you two together. You are very much in love."

"No, we're not. Why does everyone keep saying that?" I tried to defend myself, I loved Nahuel. Actually, I loved Jake too. Why was I so confused? I knew I loved Jacob, I always have but did she see something I didn't? Did he maybe love me back? Or did I love him more than he loved me? Is that really what I've been feeling towards him?

"I don't appreciate you lying to me." Jane said menacingly disturbing my pondering.

"Just do it already, Jane." Chelsea looked at me, frowning. I tightened my entire body preparing for the shock I was used to. She did it each time she visited me, this would be the fifth by her but I have been visited by the Volturi a dozen times.

As I tightened the burning and stinging filled up my body. Similar to a tazor shock, it wasn't the mild, diminutive stuns I was used to. This was the worst she's ever sent it to me. My knees buckled and I feel forward, landing on my palms. On my belly I shook as if I was having a seizure. She was serious this time. I tried my hardest to block her out of my mind just the way I had done with Edward when I was little. Slowly, I could feel my legs regain feeling, then my torso and my head and arms followed. I rolled over to lay on my back. Attempting to breathe I could feel her still sending the pain towards me. Except, it was mild so mild that it felt like I was just lying on a vibrating floor that pricked my back.

At last she had stopped and I could catch my breath. I panted as she hovered over me.

"Now listen to me. I will give your wolf a hundred times worst than what I had just given you, " she paused and looked to Chelsea," Maybe we should just kill him now."

"He did kill Demetri," Chelsea assessed, " and it'll make breaking ties easier."

But Jane looked back down at me as I still lay flat on my back, "After that, I'll make sure you watch us kill him. Do you understand?"

I nodded still out of breath.

"I'll give you a week, then I'll return," She turned and strutted away.

"No." I managed to mutter under my breath.

In a seconds time she was back looking down on me. "Excuse me?" she asked with a snarl.

"I'll go to you. Where do you want me to meet you?"

"St. Petersburg square, Russia."

"Can I have two weeks?"

"Very well. Two weeks. I expect you there by September first."

"I'll be there."

"Humph. I thought I was going to have to fight but this was easier than I thought."

I sat up as they began to run away, another two joined them. Four, the pack must have killed one of them.

I sat up and frantically ran back to my house. I had to prepare and block my thoughts out so daddy wouldn't know what happened but that means I'll have to deal with Jasper.

_I'm officially living in hell, I can't take this! I didn't care if I never saw Forks again, if I never saw my family or the pack or Jacob. I just needed to leave. I need to get out of here!_

This was strange, I always felt completely opposite of what I just thought but at the moment I needed to find a way to leave Forks and get to Russia, where I would meet up with the Volturi. Why couldn't Chelsea break my ties, it would be hundred times easier. Why couldn't she break my tie to Jacob? Could I really be in love with him_? Was I that in love with Jacob, that she couldn't break my tie?_

_CHAPTER 28 Preview._

_I loved him, but I still didn't know if he loved me. He couldn't he loved his imprint or would love his imprint. Despite that, I could lose him even if he had similar feelings to me. I won't lose him, because he was never mine and never will be. I now realized I had to keep Jacob safe, so I would marry Nahuel._

**_NOTE: This was complicated to write, so my excuse is that Ness is confused because Chelsea is meassing with her mind. (_Chelsea is a vampire and member of the Volturi's guard. She has the gift of undoing or strengthening the ties of relationships.**

**Also, what do you think Renesmee really looks like and Nahuel? I was going to put a link up but I want to know your opinions first....**

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	28. Chapter 28 Dream

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, this is another strange chapter. I wish I could have wrote this chapter better but I'll get back into the swing of things. **

** I don't write everything to be perfect and fantasy like, because lets face it LIFE isn't perfect and neither should these characters lives be. ****Ya'll are gonna hate me for a while but like I said before, I'm pro Jake/Nessie, so don't freak out to much. Also, let me know if there's any loose ends I should tie up...**

CHAPTER -28- Dream

As I quickly ran upstairs to my room, I kept thinking _Gosh I'm so tired_. I didn't want daddy to know about my little run in with Jane and the Volturi and I defiantly didn't want him to know about my plans to go meet them in Russia. I had to come up with a reason to leave Forks, though but what was an acceptable reason to leave without my parents, family, pack or Jacob questioning why? Jacob. Could I really leave him behind?

Remembering three years ago when we first moved to Alaska, I couldn't stand to be away from him. Everynight I cried to sleep and needed Jasoer to lull me to sleep with his mood changing abilities. When I worked at the restaurant I found myself escaping to the bathroom for a quick cry. I layed on the bed thinking, about those two years in Healy.

_There's no way I could leave La Push. __They'll kill him. If I don't go talk with Aro, they'll kill my Jacob. Why!? He's never done a thing to them. Why won't they tell me what they want!?_

I had the worst head ache I've ever had in my life. I was reevaluating my decision I made about marrying Nahuel, I did like him, I could grow to love him and he's like me, _my own kind. _That would be the reason I left with no question, I'd tell them I'm visiting Argentina or moving there. I didn't think to much about my families safety I knew they could handle themselves. I more worried about my packs and Jacob. A simple bite from any vampire could murder them.

_ Yeah it could work, and if I do marry Nahuel, Jane and the Volturi will have no reason to harm Jacob and the pack._

I thought about several options all night but to marry Nahuel seemed best, it seemed easiest. But Jake was still on my mind and our imaginary children. That night, I dreamed of those beautiful children I was incapable to conceive.

I wasn't in a familiar home, but when I looked out the window I saw familiar dense forests. Standing over the kitchen sink I finished up the dishes and, those two kids, I always dream about, were there running around, chasing each other.

"Hey you two need to calm down before your dad comes home!" I shouted playfully.

Both suddenly stopped and turned to me. Each seemed to be young, around three or four year olds.

"Are you going to tell daddy I was bad?" the little girl with pin straight dark brown hair asked.

"Of course not you two have been so good today but..." I paused building up anticipation in them," I think you deserve ice cream for dessert."

"Yay!" they both cheered, clapping there miniature hands together.

"Go sit at the table." I pointed and they did as they were told.

I scooped each of us a bowl. As I walked over to the round table, I could see the boy had a gigantic smile across his face, it was exactly like Jacob's. I placed the bowls in front of them, giving each of them a spoon. Each said thank you as they grabbed the small spoons. Immediately, the little hazel eyed girl's expression was dismayed. Before the little brown eyed boy took a single bite of his mint chocolate chip ice cream he asked, "What's wrong Sarah_?" Sarah, we named our girl after Jake's mother. What a great idea._

She pouted,"I wanted the green bowl."

"Here Sissy, you can have it." Very lovingly my son handed over his green bowl and took her red bowl.

"Thank you brother, " she said giving him a hug.

_Awww, my children were two of the sweetest things, I've ever seen. Yep, this is defiantly a dream. _

After we finished, I had them wash their own bowls, which them seemed to enjoy. We finished picking up the house, with no problems at all. Cleaning was like a game to them. Both fought over who finished putting their toys away the fastest. Which got old fast and after repeatedly telling them each to quit, they each recieved a time out for fighting.

Looking at the clock that rested over the mantle, it read eight thirty. It was getting a little late for three year olds to be up but I decided to let them stay up for one more hour. They'll be excited to see daddy come home from work or patrol or whatever it was he was doing.

I sat on the couch with the Sarah sitting calmly on my lap and my son tightly gripped my arm. I was engrossed staring at the ring on my finger. It wasn't the handmade one Jake had made me for his apology when he disappeared. It was a shiny silver one with a giant pear shaped diamond. And even though I hated diamonds, I loved it because it meant I was once engaged to Jacob Black. On my right finger was a silver wedding band, which meant I was married to Jake. I leaned back smirking at how lucky I was.

Sarah rested the side of her face on my collar bone and as we watched the television. Not paying much attention, I could here the rain beginning to fall and the staccato laughs of Spongebob Squarepants. I looked over at the top of the boys head and ruffled his hair. I still wasn't sure of the boys name yet but when I looked down at him, he hugged my arm as tight as he could and sent me that smile again. Each of them seemed to be drifting off to sleep. As if by instinct I leaned down to kiss each of their heads and said I love you to each of them. The boy moved his head down to my lap and used it as a pillow.

"Love you mommy." They both responded.

After a couple more minutes they were almost defiantly going to fall asleep any second.

"Come on, let's go to bed," I said moving the boys head off my lap and picking Sarah up, setting her on the rug beneath us.

"No, no, I want to stay up til daddy gets home," She whined rubbing her eyes.

"Daddy isn't going to be home until late, so you can stay up but you have to go in your room" I infomed her, then turned my attention to the boy I knelt down at his level. "Up, up," I whispered to the boy rubbing his back.

"I'm not tired though," he yawned sitting up.

Sarah was tugging at his shirt repeating, "Jay Jay get up, Jay Jay we have to go ni-night." _Hmm, Jay Jay? What's his name stand for? _

As I walked them both through the living room and past the front door they whined about missing their daddy. And as if on que, you could hear the front door open and slam shut.

"Daddy, Daddy!" Jay Jay and Sarah shouted in unison running over to him. He stopped at the front door whipping his boots off. Each of them grabbed a leg and squeezed as tightly as they could have.

He removed his rain drenched jacket off and shanking the rain off of him in almost a canine fashion. As he hung his coat up, he looked up to me and smiled. "Hey Ness."

"Hi, Jake." I smiled uncontrollably biting my nails.

"Thanks for watching them tonight."

"Why are you thanking me?" I wondered, _they're our kids why wouldn't I watch them?_

"Because. You don't have to watch them all the time." He said sympathetically. I began to feel strange when Jacob was so unrequited towards me.

"It's fine." I said rubbing his arm but he just flinched as the children hugged him.

"Say goodnight to Renesmee." Jacob ordered almost in his Alpha tone but it was more caring and loving. Each of them ran over wishing me sweet dreams. _Wait __Renesmee?I thought it was mommy._

Sarah reached her hands up to recieve a hug. As I bent down to return the hug she pressed her face into shoulder and hummed, "Good night Nessie, Love you."

_Nessie? Why is she calling me Nessie?_

Little JayJay came from behind me and wrapped his arms around my neck. He obnoxiously said, "Move Sarah, I want a hug."

"Be nice," I said, calmly reprimanding his behavior. Patiently he waited his turn and wrapped his short arms around my shoulders, attempting to touch his hands behind my back.

"Night, momma. Oh I mean Nessie."

"Night." I smiled at him standing up. _Why were they calling me by my name?_

Jake made me loss focus from the children when he began to speak. "Hey can you try and not get bothered by Jenna's comments."

"Jenna?" I asked as the kids still clinged to my legs. The door then opened and there appeared a beautiful blonde haired, blue eyed woman. "I'm so sick of junk mail," She stated as she rummaged through the mail and took her coat off. She had long flowing blonde hair, unintentinally I reached up to touch my hair. I currently had brunette shoulder length straightened hair. Looking closer at my hair I could see the blonde hues shining in the foyers weak light. Looking over at Jenna, she had blue eyes and I had a hazel brown eyes, depending on my thirst. She was slim and toned and my body, I wondered placing my hand over my belly wasn't toned but I was still slim, and to some they would even say I was skinny. She of course, was taller than I maybe a few inches shorter than Jacob and I was still a short five foot two, which never bothered me until that moment. I stared at her perfect features and instantly became jealous, I didn't want Jacob looking at her.

But it was too late. As I turned to Jacob I found him swallowing her into a hug.

"Hi, mommy, " Sarah let go of her grip on my leg, walking over to her giving her the same hug she had just given me.

Jay Jay followed Sarah and shouted, "Mommy!" as he rannto the blonde giant.

After giving the kids a hug they sent them upstairs and Jenna turned to me a harshly said, "Shouldn't you get home to your own husband." Then she proceeded to walk to the other room with the mail still in hand.

"Who is that giant?" I sent a hushed tone to Jacob. I didn't like her at all but I felt guilty insantly for calling her a giant, that was rude of me.

"I'm sorry, she treats you so bad Nessie, you really don't deserve it," He stated giving me a hug.

"Who is she?" I repeated the question again.

"My wife, my imprint. Come on Ness you knew that," He declared, "I'm sorry she's so mean to you but she understands I love you and Sarah and Jay love you so much too..." I watched Jacob's mouth move but I couldn't believe it. He continued "… I'm sorry they still accidently call you mom, I know you get upset about it."

"Why would I get upset about it? It's a compliment." I shrugged unemotionally as I attempted to accept the fact that he had imprinted on that blonde. Of course he would imprint on her, on someone that looks nothing even remotely close to me.

"We understand you can't have kids and I don't want them bringing up the memory of that," he affirmed. I saw Jenna rudely listening in on mine and Jacob's conversationa nd she decided to put her two cents in.

"After all you're not their mother," she said with such venom, "I know you wish they were but you have to accept the fact that you're baren and quit pretending my kids are your own.

When she said that, I couldn't even react to her beastly, rude and sarcastic comment. I looked over to Jake and he did nothing, he let let her talk to me that way. Probably just because she was his imprint. My world came crashing down around me, and I was on the verge of crying. Those weren't my children and Jacob wasn't my husband. But who was my husband? Why did I have this gotti ring on? On top of all that, I was reminded of my infertility.

I julted up in a sitting position. My head had beads of sweat on it. I hated sleeping, I hated dreaming. There were never dreams always nightmares.

I could never be with him, he needed his imprint, I guess. And I had to disappear for good, I had to get away from him, from La Push.

_GRRRR! The imprint, THAT DAMN IMPRINT! __I am in love with Jacob Black. I'm IN LOVE with Jacob Black.I can't be, I don't' want to be._

_But, _I wanted that more than anything in life. I wanted to marry him, love him, be with him for eternity. He wouldn't age and neither would I. I wanted to be the one to give him children, I wanted to be his imprint. My eyes began to sting as a few stray tears leaked.

I loved him, but I don't think he loved me the same way. He couldn't, he loved his imprint or would love his imprint. Despite that, I could lose him even if he had similar feelings to me. I won't lose him, because he was never mine and never will be. I now realized I had to keep Jacob safe, even if that meant I had to marry another man. So I would marry Nahuel. Jane would see I had married Nahuel and she would believe I didn't love or care about Jacob. She would completely leave Jake and the pack alone. That was the plan.

Instantly, I flew from my bed to my desk and quickly wrote an e-mail and letter:

_Nahuel,_

_I apologize. The nervousness I felt was exposed in a wrong way. Marriage would be a great thing and it would be worth moving away from my family. I retract my previous decision. Please, come back to Forks and we can be married. I love the person you are, and I love the fact that we are the same and think similarly. We have the same problems, fears, anxieties. When you showed up, I felt at ease and comfortable with you. It was as if I actually fit in somewhere. So, please except my apology and come back to me. Hurry Back to me. _

_Love, _

_ Your future wife, Rensemee_

_P.S. I will be moving to Argentina to be with you, forever._

_CHAPTER 29 Preview._

_"Good luck with Jacob sweetie," he wished and kissed the top of my head. Daddy made his way into the kitchen with my other relatives. I missed what everyone was speaking about but I listened in on what daddy was saying._

_"She said she loves him Rosalie," I could hear Daddy ,"It's not like you like him anyways."_

_I listened but I couldn't follow. "He's better than Nahuel," Rose cried, or least it sounded that way._

_"It's her choice." Carlisle said ,"That's what we all wanted."_

_"That's true Bella, that's what you wanted," Dad agreed._

_"I was wrong, Edward, don't let her please," Momma begged in the same tone as Rosalie._

_ Emmett followed her lead, "Yeah man don't let her do it."_

_"Jasper does she really love Nahuel?" Daddy wondered. I hadn't heard Japer once, most likely because he was concentrating on my emotions._

_"She's more upset that we're all upset about her decision." Jasper spoke but I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want to feel bad for marrying my own kind, for keeping Jacob safe, for doing the right thing. I had to tell Jacob at least he would be happy for me, he always was._

_"I don't need luck, he'll be supportive." I whispered to myself._

_**We all know about the characters in Twilight, their personalities, faults, strengths and weaknesses but we don't really know much about Renesmee. Here's how I imagine her.**_

**_Intellectually: _****_She is stable, strong willed, calm and responsible. She is methodical, tough, stubborn, generous and kind. She persist against personal hardship, putting her families needs and welfare before her own safety and needs. She is simple minded and _****_has great respect for authority. _****_She is intellegent but doesn't flaunt it, because no one likes a smart ass. SHe considers her knowledge , common sense. _****_She tries to live in the moment but always focuses on the future. _****_She tries to justify her decisions in life. _****_She sees both La Push and Forks as her home and considers herself part of the pack. _****_She is greatly influenced by her family but even more so by Jacob._**

**_Physically: I'm not sure what her facial features are, but I would say she has high cheek bones and straight nose. Her lips a full but not to large for her face. Her eyes are of course brown but can change to a hazel depending on her thirst, they're usually brown because she's always starving for human blood. She has purple eyelids and dark circles under her eyes that aren't to distracting. Jacob wouldn't just catagorize her as beautiful but she has a very distinct presence about her thst id beyond beauty._**

**_Around five two in height and 110 pounds. She is slim but isn't considered fit. She isn't toned but she is naturally skinny. She had long curly hair, but cuts it constantly. Over time it had turned to a wave. She has bangs and her hair is a brown bronzy color with blonde hues. But at the right time of day In the sunlight it can look redish brown. _**


	29. Chapter 29 The Right Thing

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Reminder, I own nothing but the plot. Oh and let me know if you have any questions. I'm not sure if I'm writing this story well enough so that there is no confusion, about anything. **

**WARNING:PLEASE REVIEW, or I'll stop writing... I'm so evil. I want to know if ya'll are willing to read about nine more chapters? If so then there may be a sequel about Nessie's infertility, and more pack appearances. **

**In this chapter,Ness knows she's in love with Jacob. She tells her family and her best friend, Jake, that she is marrying Nahuel and no one seems to like that idea, especially Jacob. She thinks he's against it only because she has only known Nahuel for hardly two months, but unknown to her, he wants her to wait because he loves her and has to wait until she is sixteen to tell her how he feels, if she feels the same way. (Re-read Chapter 5 if you're confused.) ENJOY!**

CHAPTER -29- The right thing

After doing some lone hunting and researching some colleges, I decided I had to tell my parents what I had just agreed to last night. I explained to my parents that I had been proposed to and denied him at first but had changed my mind. No one seemed thrilled with the idea of me, being attached to him for eternity. I was, after all, only nine years and eleven months old, almost ten, but I had an adult mind and body. I was mature enough, to handle myself and marriage.

"I know I've only known him for a short time but, I love him. He's only been gone a day and I feel..." I paused. All I thought about was how empty my life was without Jake. Even thought he was constantly around, I felt as if just being around him wasn't enough. "...empty," I finished.

"This is so unlike you Renesmee," Edward said.

" Did you really think this through, you don't seem to be thinking clearly as you usually do," Momma wondered in such a worried way.

I needed to be with my own kind, Jacob had told me that once before. So I would be with Nahuel and Jacob wouldn't lose his life. Reluctantly, my family agreed and Alice began the preparations immediately along with Esme. Carlisle just asked if this is what I truly wanted; after I had told him yes he congratulated me he went to the kitchen.

"Well I gotta go tell Jacob," I said still, standing as if I was at the front of the classroom giving a presentation.

Momma sent lucky thoughts my way, "Congrats Nudge." She said it so cold-blooded making her way out of the room. I thought she would be excited for me? Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett followed storming out not even saying a word to me. I guess they weren't to pleased with me either.

Their voices bounced off the walls of the house, though their voices were muffled. My daddy was still sitting on the plush arms chair across from me. My father gazed at me, but I couldn't tell what he was thinking. I made a hard effort to not let my mind be opened to him. Daddy still watched me but I ignored his staring as I was concentrating hard on the conversation that they were having behind my back.

"Why him? He's not the one for her." Momma asked angrily from the kitchen.

"I know it, " Rosalie agreed then something cracked against the wall in the kitchen.

"Stop it, Rose." Emmett told her harshly. As they continued to conversed as if I wasn't there I turned my attention to Edward. He walked over to me and gave me a hug.

"Good luck with Jacob sweetie," he wished and kissed the top of my head. Daddy made his way into the kitchen with my other relatives. I missed what everyone was speaking about but I listened in on what daddy was saying.

"She said she loves Nahuel, Rosalie," I could hear Daddy .

"But what about J-" she began to speak before daddy cut her off.

"It's not like you like him anyways."

I listened but I couldn't follow. "He's better than Nahuel," Rose cried, or least it sounded that way.

"It's her choice," Carlisle said ,"That's what we all wanted."

"That's true Bella, that's what you wanted," Dad agreed.

"I was wrong, Edward. Don't let her, please," Momma begged in the same tone as Rosalie.

Emmett followed her lead, "Yeah man, don't let her do it."

"Jasper does she really love Nahuel?" Daddy wondered. I hadn't heard Jasper once, most likely because he was concentrating on my emotions.

"She's more upset that we're all upset about her decision." Jasper spoke but I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want to be grieve stricken for marrying my own kind, for keeping Jacob safe, for doing the right thing. I had to tell Jacob at least he would be happy for me, he always was.

"I don't need luck, he'll be supportive." I whispered to myself as I ran out the door.

The rain was of course ominous to what was about to happen. As I scampered through the forest my hair and clothes were soaked through. Before, I knew it I was at Jake's door step. I wasn't sure if he was home but I knocked anyway.

My heart beat faster when Jacob answered the door rubbing his eyes.

"Ness?" his voice cracked, "Hey," he smiled and almost seemed rejuvenated the moment he saw me. How I wish he was excited for the same reason, I was excited to see him. Why couldn't he imprint on me? Therefore, I could be his everything, the center of his universe, his soul mate. _Stay focused Ness._

"Hey, how are you?" I inquired examining his tired puffy eyes, " You look tired."

"A bit, I didn't sleep much in the last week, searching for those Vamps but they're gone now."

_Of course, they're gone they got to me like they wanted._

"Aww, get some sleep then I'll talk to you later."

"No, no stay, " he said opening the door wider to let me in. I let myself in and sat on my designated spot on the couch. Walking in the living room, his bare feet padded on the floor. He grabbed the remote and flipped the television off. He wore a pair of sweatpants and noticed he was shirtless. I couldn't help but stare at the muscle between his hip bones that disappeared into his sweats. Of course he wouldn't be wearing a shirt.

" What are you doing here?" he wondered, yawning and stretching. He threw his arms in the air and stretched backwards. I could see each muscle in his abdomen tighten and flex. I bit my lip watching, it was sexy_. Snap out of it Renesmee! _I turned my stare at my fingers as I started picking at my cuticles.

"You okay?" he doubted my fake joyful mood.

" Fine. Fine. I have some ah-mazing news," I conveyed exaggerated. At least what was a believable exaggeration. He sat next to me, so close that his arms grazed my own.

"Hmm, what's that?" he asked yawning again.

"I'm in love." I smiled displaying the biggest bogus smile.

Suddenly, he sat up more alert. "You are?" he said to excited, smiling. _I knew he'd be happy for me._

"Yeah, I really am, and I'm getting married."

"Married?" he frowned.

"Yeah, I'm marrying Nahuel and moving to Argentina."

"Oh, " he said raising his eyebrows both at once. "Moving? Why?" he wondered politely rotating his line of vision away from me and to the magazine that rested on the coffee table. Most likely, it was a dirt bike supply mag. It appeared that he _didn't_ care all that much. Not like I expected he would. At least if he loved me he would fight for me, but instead he sat there and read the stupid magazine.

I repeated what I had already told him. "Uh, because I'm getting married."

Instantly, he let go of his bored tone and launched the magazine across the room. He sat up and with an infuriated expression he talked "So you have to move away from your family, from the pack, from me?"

" I'm only visiting to see if I really like it. I'll be home in a couple of weeks."

"How long do I have to change your mind? A few months a year, maybe two?" he questioned quieter.

Nervously I informed him a little above a whisper, "Uhm, until Saturday."

He was shaking a bit but then he inhaled and exhaled deeply. "That's in two days."

"Yeah."

"Why so soon?" he asked, "Are you an idiot?" He said it much more as if it was a fact, brutally slamming my intelligence. He sat down and rested his head in his hands.

"Because," I responded short.

"Shouldn't you wait a while?" His sarcastic tone was really pissing me off.

"I should, but I want to get married now."

Staring at me, he pressed his back further into the back of the couch. His head flung over the back of the couch finally taking his eyes off of me. I watched his eyes close shut and brought both his hands to cover his eyes. He roughly rubbed his temples as he began to verbalize, "Ness, we can't always have everything we want. Trust me, I would know."

I couldn't think of a response to that as I sat on the soft couch, that Billy desperately needed to replace. I could tell he was still upset and disappointed with me for jumping into this so soon. I didn't want him dissatisfied with me. After he cooled down and didn't utter a single word for ten minutes, he moved from his position. The magazine that was thrown across room was picked up by him and placed back on the coffee table. Looking over to me, _as if I let him down_, he sat on the small recliner adjacent from me.

"Are you happy?" he wondered.

Urgently, I retorted, "Are you?"

"If that makes you happy, I'm happy."

"It does."

"I don't understand though. Just a couple of days ago you said you weren't happy, you said you were looking for love." I remember that evening on the beach, when I began to picture a life with him, when I discovered I was falling for him, deeper than I thought.

But I told myself that evening was just a fantasy I had, then I continued to speak, "Were you not listening? I found him." I said it so rudely that it stung, both him and me.

"Why him!?" he screamed standing up from the recliner. He began pacing the room

"Why not?" I was shocked at his question_, he told me to be with my own kind didn't he?_

"You hardly know him."

"But he's like me, you said it yourself we all belong with our own kind and you're right."

"I never said that."

"Yes, you did."

"No I didn't!"

I sat up from the couch and walked over to him. Stopping his pacing, I placed my hand to his collar bone revealing the image of him saying those exact words. I couldn't understand why he was actually upset, unless, unless, _he loved me? Could he be in love with me?_

"I'm leaving, " he said not even looking at me anymore.

"Why?" I was puzzled as to where he was going to go.

"I'm not going to see you after your wedding anyways, you're moving to freakin Brazil, so I'll leave now."

"No. You can't leave." I stated grabbing his arm.

Pulling away from me he asked,"Why?"

"Because you live here." I said pointing in the air and around the room, not at anything in particular.

He looked at me, brows furrowed, eyes deep and angry. His body language was tense and his fists were balled, his knuckles were turning white. All he could do was shake his head and released his balled fist. "Leave," he ordered as he turned and walked to his room.

"But?"

He answered, "Just go, please." I watched as he angrily marched to his room, slamming his door. Of course, I followed I couldn't just leave this alone.

While knocking on his door, I civilly commanded, "Jake let's talk."

"I don't want to talk! Now leave!" he shouted then muttered, "I have work tomorrow."

I stepped back from the door dazed, he's never shouted at me before tonight. And he's never used his Alpha tone with me either. Sure, I've hear it before but it was different when is was used on you. But the way he said it toward me, wasn't an order it was more of a cruel command. As if I disgusted him.

Even he wasn't being supportive. The one person that always supported me, that almost always agreed with me, he thought I was an idiot for diving into a marriage. _But he suggested I be with my own kind. Why was he being so hypocritical? What was so wrong with Nahuel? _

_I _hate fighting , mostly I hate fighting with Jacob. It was so rare for this to happen. Knowing he is mad at me it's another blow to my heart. It's like our pond is usually smooth, but when a rock is tossed into the water , you can't help the ripples of water that follow. We've never had ripples and now there were many ripples in my pond. My infertility, my love for a man that doesn't love me back, a marriage to a man I don't love and the Volturi.

If this keeps up one day I will lose him for good forever. Which is my greatest concern, even if he imprinted I still would have liked to be in his life but now I can't, I belong to the Volturi. I have 'Property of the Volturi' practically stamped on my forehead.

I hope he finds his imprint soon, so whatever pain I had unleashed upon him tonight, he couldn't feel. If he found his imprint, he would be so in love, that quickly, he'd forget about me and our friendship.

After strolling back home, I spent the rest of the day with Alice and Esme finalizing some plans for the wedding no one wanted. I wasn't interested much because all I could think about was my Jacob.

And his imprint...

_CHAPTER 30 Preview._

_Jacob sat next to me again, as I lied there looking up at him. "Ness, I really have to go." He kissed my forehead yet again._

" _Quo Quowle. Please, I love you."_

_"I love you too." Our eyes looked for what seemed like hours but he leaned over again and kissed me on the cheek. Studying my reaction as he bent up, I smiled._

_"Thank You." I said. He returned the smile and bent down kissing my opposite cheek. I don't know why I responded with a thank you but that's what came out of my mouth. And I truly meant it but the next thing that escaped my lips I had regretted so much, because all it would do was bring future misery. _

_"Jake, just kiss me."_


	30. Chapter 3o The Parting Gift

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: GRRR!!! ****Sorry, I'm so angry I had a better version of this chapter but it didn't save. SO I had to re-write it. **

**Also, I will repost the next chapter as soon as I get three reviews. Boost my ego okay? Also ENJOY!!!**

**Reminder: in Chapter 22 Jake gives her a promise ring, that was hand made. And in Chapter 5 Jake makes everyone swear not to talk about the imprint and promises Edward and Bella he will never make a move on Ness until she is literally 16 years old. And on top of that Edward and Bella made him swear to never show his affection towards her, until she feels the same, if she feels the same. **

CHAPTER -30- Parting Gift

Today was a gruesome day. All we did was try one a hundred dresses. I put on a happy face for the women of my family and they ate it up. But changing into those white dresses felt pointless, all I wanted was to wear a hand me down wedding gown, after all there were four brides that lived in the house and each one of them had a wedding dress. Personally my favorite was Alice's tea-length fifties vintage. I told them but I let Auntie Ally and Aunt Rose have their fun with picking me out a designer gown. By the time we got home it was already dark out and I was tired.

Since the Volturi are gone, I could finally get a good nights sleep. Jake didnt' have a patrol and I wouldn't have to have a restless night sleep worrying about him. Since, the Volturi first visited me, I've gone to his home around six in the morning just to make sure, he was home safe. BUt tonight I couldn't he was angry at me, and who knows what he's doing tonight.

Lying on my bed I debated whether or not to go through with the wedding tomorrow. Alice had already gotten everything; the decor, the cake on order, the tuxes, the flowers and my wedding dress. She had the gold and purple tones picked out. I hated that color scheme but I let Alice have her fun.

Could I really go through with this? I love Nahuel but not, the way I should. Not the way you should when you marry someone for sure. After hours of not being able to fall asleep, I lifted my hands to look at them. My arms were straight in the air, my hands spaced out so I could observe my deep navy blue finger nails, that Rosalie would strongly hate, especially for a wedding. It was my wedding after all, I'll just do what I want. I noticed my fingers were swollen, not doubt from the amount of human food I have been eating, or maybe the hunting I had just done. Attempting to pull the ring of that Jacob had made for me took a good five minutes. After I got my ring off, I placed it on my night stand. When I took it off I felt naked. It was as if Jacob had completely left my soul. Placing my index finger and thumb around my left ring finger, I massaged it to help some sort of feeling back to that spot. Not once has it been removed from my finger since the day Jake had given it to me but my fingers were too inflated.

The cool metal felt familiar, and I even felt more at ease as I played with it. I would forever keep it with me. It reminded me of the bond I and Jacob had. No matter what that ring will be with me until the day I die, along with his bracelet he had given me as a child. I had grown out of it long ago, but I hung it on a nail above my night stand. It was sort of like a home décor piece. And if I so happen to lose either I had the tattoo of the packs symbol I had gotten with the encouragement from Billy and Leah, just so a piece of Jake would permanently be with me. I've had it for months and no one has yet to notice and daddy still hasn't heard my thoughts about it. When he finds out though, Daddy wasn't going to be to very happy with me but it meant the world to me. There was a knock on my door, and I remembered that I was to be married very soon.

I knew it was probably momma or daddy wanting to lecture me on married life or something about my future, for the twentieth time in the past forty-eight hours. The loud bangs from my door echoed again.

"Daddy please go away." I asked but the knocking continued, "Momma I don't want to talk."

The knocking continued, I huffed, probably Rosalie or someone I didn't feel like seeing. I stood up and answered the door. Swinging it open I instantly talked, "Please not tonight." Though, no vampire was standing at my door, a woodsy odor seeped through my nostrils. I then knew who that dark figure was, I could recognized that smell anywhere. Letting my eyes adjust they were axfixiated on the bare chest in front of me. I didn't even have to look up at his face, because I knew it was Jacob. Unintentionally my eyes gazed down at _his_ abs. They were perfect in every way. The dark shadow stepped around me and entered my room, shutting the door behind him.

"Uhm," he hesitated, "I thought I'd say, good night."

"Night." I was short with him.

"Uhm? I-."

" You what?"

"Are you sure you want to go through with this wedding?"

"I thought you didn't want to talk about this?"

"I do now, I'm, I feel, better now."

" I have to." I said responding to his question about me proceeding with the wedding.

"Why do you have to?"

"I love him Jake, I have to marry him."

"Ness, You've only known him seven weeks."

"Jake we already had this conversation. So, stop it! Alright, you're not my dad. "

I had to think what I was saying and push all true reasons why I was marrying Nahuel in the back of my mind. No doubt, Daddy was listening. So I tried my best to shield my thoughts.

"I'm just looking out for you."

"That's not your job, Jake."

"But, it is my job." He stated stepping over to my window looking at the dense forest behind.

Looking at him, his shoulder muscles nicely hung and his entire back had to be one of the most attractive I've ever seen. "How is it your job?" I hated talking to the back of his head.

" I care about you too much. To see you get hurt in any way, shape or form. Even if you don't know it's not good for you now, I know it won't be good for you later. I'm just looking out for you."

Without a second thought my arms flew around his waist. I pressed my face to his bare back breathing in his enticing smell. The scent of him was like steam. It left my scences clean and I felt refreshed. "I know it's to soon, but-" I paused. And he placed his hands over mine.

Before I could even think, I kissed the space between his shoulder blades with my arms tightly around his burly waist."I'm glad you care about me. Please, trust me it's not a mistake."

Roughly and quickly he tore my arms off of him, as if I was ready to attack. And to a certain extent I believe I was. Taken back from the jerky movement he had just put me in, I stood there in alarm. He's never been so forceful with me before.

"There's a better guy out there for you."

" I know there is," I admitted looking at the ground, " but I'm marrying Nahuel."

"So why settle? Find your soul mate, get to know him, date him, for a year at least before you go off and decide to marry the guy."

"I, I?" I stuttered. He didn't love me, he just wanted me to be smart about this. He believed I needed time. At least he wanted the best for me." There's a reason."

" What's the reason? You hardly know him."

" It's justified Jacob."

"Justified!? Justified? Since when do you justify your life?"

"Always. There's a rational explanation for the decisions I make and there's a very good reason I'm marrying that man."

"He's not a man!"

"Neither are you." my words became harsh. I resented what I just said. They say a good man is hard to find and in truth, for me, it was simple. He was standing infront of me. To show my remorse, I spoke with a softer tone," Not completely anyway."

"This is a big decision Renesmee..." I knew his real seriousness when he said my full name. The only time he spoke my full name was when I was in trouble, he was disappointed in me or he was serious., "…and a bad one."

"Just support me, please, that's all I need. "

"Renesmee."

"Please. I want you to be there, supporting me."

"I'm sorry I can't."

"So, You're not coming to the wedding?"

"NO."

I felt tears well up in my eyes. "Okay, that's, fine I guess."

"Ness, are you crying? You never cry." Now that he cared about my feelings, he wrapped his sweltering husky arms around me, " Oh please, please don't cry."

Moving back away from him and out of his grasp. "I'm not crying, I'm just tired."

"Well, I'll leave and let you get some sleep. "

"Yeah, maybe you should." I tucked myself into bed, then began to walk over to my door. I watched as his hand grasped the knob.

"NO! Jake, will you stay until I fall asleep?"

He looked over his shoulder at me, noding. Now he had completely turned around. He slowly positioned himself on the floor leaning his back against the door. Both his legs were up in a natural V-shape and he rested his elbows on top of his knees.

"Jacob, come sit on the bed."

As he stood, I made room for him to sit on the bed. He removed his shoes and rested his back against the head board. He lifted his legs up crossing his right over his left. I hesitated to lean against him, but I did anyways. As composed as I could I placed my head against his shoulder. I felt a bit intimidated but I moved resting my head against his chest, wrapping my arms around his waist. I could feel him shake, not out of anger as usual, but he was just as reluctant as I was. Casually he wrapped his arm around my back then his other arm followed. Softly rubbing my back.

"I love you, Jake."

Tightening his hold on me he replied, "I love you too. I love you so much Ness."

Nuzzling his chest, I could feel his heart beat faster. I've always done this, since I was little and each time I got the same reaction. I smiled to myself as I pressed my ear against his chest to hear his heart. Memories of the night on the beach when he made me realize we were the same, because both our hearts beat at a quickened pace. Suddenly, I felt him nuzzle me back at the crown of my head. This was something he's never done in return. After he stopped and rested his head on top of mine I began to cry. I wasn't sure why but he's never shown that type or even that much emotion back towards me._ He loved me, he had to of_. That's how wolves show affection to each other. _Oh my gosh, he loves me?_

Even if he did, I couldn't give in to my feelings. He still belonged to his imprint.

I pulled my blanket up to my face so the tears wouldn't fall on his skin. It was strange, because I've never cried in front of Jacob. In fact the first time I've ever cried was when we moved to Alaska and the only reason I cried was because I was so far away from Jake.

His warmth always comforted me. No matter what the occasion I always enjoyed his arms around me , it felt more than comfort, it was home, this time it just felt right, as if we belonged this way forever. But I knew better, his imprint belonged with him this way but I was going to take what I could while I had the chance.

He was completely oblivious to my crying, to my knowledge. A while later, the tears still fell, but his warmth was all around me, if it was even possible I tried to get closer to him. I longed to be closer to him eventually he fell asleep.

I was ashamed about what I did, but I hadn't had any form of blood in months. Sure I went hunting, but I could never bring myself to kill. Usually, it was just long walks by myslef. But I nipped at his wrist and sipped for a few seconds. No harm done, he would heal in the matter of minutes and I would get the nutrition I needed.

After I was done, I felt a euphoric high. Still asleep, he wrapped his arms tighter around me. I was satisfied and calm, it helped me fall asleep quicker. His heat pulsated through my body as I slept. The warmth traveled up to my lips, but my entire body then felt cold. That's when I suddenly awoke to find that Jacob's arms weren't around me. I sat up. Jacob was at the end of my bed, preparing to put his shoes on.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to go on patrol tonight." He turned around and layed me back down, tucking me in. Sitting next to me, he leaned over and kissed my forehead. This was something that over the years I had grown accustomed to but it felt different to me. Everything he gestured toward me now seemed to have more meaning. Not just on my part because I was now in love with him.

"I'll see you later." His tone changed as both he and I remembered we were angry with each other, "I Guess."He turned and was about to jump out of my window without putting his shoes back on.

"NO! Please.... stay with me tonight." I said, jumping out of my bed and wrapping my arms around him once more. I looked up at the back of his head, slowly it sunk lower than 'I've ever seen.

"I can't."

"I need you to stay, I sleep better when I know you're safe. When you're on patrol I just have a restless night of sleep. So stay the night with me please, have Sam finish the patrol."

"You worry about me?"

"Always."

Reluctantly, he lied back down on the bed with me. Yet again he wrapped his arms around me. I didn't even need a blanket with his blazing skin touching mine.

"Jake, can I tell you a secret?"

"Sure, I like secrets."

"Sometimes, actually, all the time, I go to your house after a patrol, when I know you should be home. I peek through your window just to make sure you've gotten home safe."

"Wow. Stalker."

"No, well, yeah a little. I only do it because I care about you."

"You really care about me that much?"

"I do."

"No wonder why I smell your scent sometimes, even in my sleep."

"Really?"

He nodded, "Now can I tell you a secret?"

"Sure. Sure."

"When I'm on patrol, I always check up on you, usually you're sleeping but I always make sure you're safe."

"And, _you_ care that much?"

"I do."

After a couple of minutes, I was drifting in and out of sleep. Even so, I could feel that he leaned forward and kissed my head. I, looked up at him kissing his chin, half asleep. I felt him slipping away out of my clutch. I thought he was going to ditch the patrol tonight.

"Don't go." I somehow muttered in my insomnia state, "You keep trying to leave me, don't go."

" I thought you were sleeping?" he questioned.

"No, come lay with me."

He sat next to me again, as I lied there looking up at him. "Ness, I really have to go." He kissed my forehead yet again.

" Quo Quowle. Please, I love you."

"I love you too." Our eyes looked for what seemed like hours but he leaned over again and kissed me on the cheek. Studying my reaction as he bent up, I smiled.

"Thank You." I said. He bent down and kissed my opposite cheek. I don't know why I responded with a thank you but that's what came out of my mouth. And I truly meant it but the next thing that escaped my lips I had regretted so much, because all it would do was bring future misery.

"Jake, just kiss me."

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	31. Chapter 3o The Parting Gift Continued

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I own nothing but the plot. **

**Thanks for the reviews, but I'm going to go with the same rule, three reviews= new chapter. The sooner I get reviews the sooner you get your chapter. **

**I already have the next six chapters written so, it could be posted by tomorrow. **

**Also, I meant to post earlier, sorry. I think my computer is dying…**

**PREVIOUSLY…**

After a couple of minutes, I was drifting in and out of sleep. Even so, I could feel that he leaned forward and kissed my head. I, looked up at him kissing his chin, half asleep. I felt him slipping away out of my clutch. I thought he was going to ditch the patrol tonight.

"Don't go." I somehow muttered in my insomnia state, "You keep trying to leave me, don't go."

" I thought you were sleeping?" he questioned.

"No, come lay with me."

He sat next to me again, as I lied there looking up at him. "Ness, I really have to go." He kissed my forehead yet again.

" Quo Quowle. Please, I love you."

"I love you too." Our eyes looked for what seemed like hours but he leaned over again and kissed me on the cheek. Studying my reaction as he bent up, I smiled.

"Thank You." I said. He bent down and kissed my opposite cheek. I don't know why I responded with a thank you but that's what came out of my mouth. And I truly meant it but the next thing that escaped my lips I had regretted so much, because all it would do was bring future misery.

"Jake, just kiss me."

Chapter 30 The Parting Gift continued…

"Kiss you?"

I nodded.

"Why?"

I should have known, he didn't see me that way. Why would he want to kiss me? I'm just little Nessie, but I had to kiss him at least once. There had to be a bogus reason I could kiss him. I shrugged at him when I figured out my false reason. " Be my first kiss."

Patiently, as I lied on my bed, I waited for his reaction. He still hovered over me but he seemed unsure of himself. I took the reluctant look in his eyes as a no, and rolled over on my side so I wouldn't have to look at him. But he did something I didn't expect.

"Renesmee," he said rolling my back over, and he stared at me, at my soul. It was if he was regretting that he had let me down.

Slowly and unsure he leaned over and placed his lips on mine. It was a short and soft, a peck, but it was caring and loving. I was so surprised that, I couldn't help but stare back at his lips, I wanted more, I needed more. He pushed whatever stray hair I had in front of my face and brushed it behind my ear. His strong, rough, masculine hands cupped my face and yet again, he did kissed me again deeply, roughly and kind of romantically. Tracing my lips with his tongue I opened my mouth letting his tongue in. My arms unconsciously wrapped around his neck pulling him closer towards me.

This had to be heaven, I must have died and gone to heaven. This was what I've wanted for so long. Since I've moved to Alaska I had been so bored and disappointed in life, always searching for something. Though, the missing piece of the puzzle had always been there, it was up to me to put it in place. Jake was that missing piece, his Love was that missing piece. I must have been so disconnected with everything because, _I didn't know I loved my Jacob_, not until a few days ago. But now I knew, I knew I wanted him more than anything in life.

As we kissed, he sat up pulling me with him. Our arms were still around each other. Quickly, he pulled away and my heart sank. I wasn't sure how long we had been making out but it wasn't long enough.

"I'm sorry," he apologized looking away from me.

Now I was so bewildered. Why would he kiss me that way, then unexpectedly stop. "For what?" I wondered.

"You're just so young."

At the end of my bed he buried his face into his bulky hands. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that," he apologized in a whisper.

I began to feel the tears well in my eyes. Rejection, it felt horrible. I recalled how I felt when I was younger, wanting to kiss him and marry him. "Shit," grumbled under my breath. My mind finally comprehended something , that I never believed it would. I've been in love with him, since the first time I laid eyes on him. The day I was born. I even asked him to marry me, after Charlie's Wedding. (Chapter 4) I was so in love with him then and I still am now, but I'm always too young! Except then I was only physically a child and now I was old enough, I looked old enough.

Him thinking I was too young, then and now, really pisses me off. He said he'd marry me when I grew up, and he lied. I know he loves me, not the way I had hoped but he loves me, but was that the only reason he kissed me, because I was his little Nessie? Because he gave me whatever I wanted, within reason.

Then if he isn't in love with me, why does he constantly stick around? Why was he leading me on at this very second? He should just leave and find his DAMN imprint so I don't have to suffer. And...I'm getting married, I'm with Nahuel. If I don't go to Russia, and, I stay with Jake, the Volturi will surely kill him. I can't let that happen. That realization hit me like a ton of bricks.

" Jake get out!" I shouted pushing him toward my window.

"Ness?"

Running to the bathroom, I slammed the door shut. Tears yet again trickled down my face, but I fought hard to stop. "I-I'm getting married!"

"You're still getting married?" _Why did he care, it's not like he was in love with me._

I turned over and rested my head against the door informing, "Yes, I have to."

"Are you serious?" He asked and I wondered disgusted on the other side of the bathroom door.

Abruptly, I became very bitter and angry with him, "Yeah and you're right, I'm too young for you."

"Nahuel's what a hundred and fifty? I'm only twenty five. In our world age doesn't really matter."

I opened the door preparing for an all out verbal attack on his unconscious deceitfulness. "You're such a hypocrite! In our world age doesn't matter _yet _I'm too young for you?!"

"Ness, you're not too young. It's just, we, we, shouldn't think about each other that way. Wait until you're sixteen then-"

"Sixteen, why sixteen? What's wrong with now?"

"It's, I?" he stumbled over his words, "It's, just the right number."

" _Well,_ don't worry, I'm not marrying _you._"

"Ness, please don't be angry with me, I just, can't allow you to get married."

"Jake, I'm marrying him! Whether you like it or not! " I shouted, with him not even inches away from me, catching a frontal glimpse of him. Which only turned the attraction I had towards him up. He was blocking the exit from the bathroom so I pushed him and walked into my room.

"We just kissed Ness!"

"Ah-Ha." I found his shoes underneath my bed. I threw them at him,"Jake friends do this sort of thing all the time." I stated none chalantely.

"No, they don't! It's not every day a guy just kisses his best friend that way. I've never heard of friends doing this sort of thing!"

"Ever hear of friends with benefits?" I asked picking up my room. I watched him place his shoes on as he spoke.

"That's not even closely related, to what just happened. Plus you asked me to kiss you."

"JAKE! I already agreed to marry him, OKAY!"

I watched as his arms flailed around. "Ness, you act like this is some sort of business deal, _You AGREED TO MARRY_. Well, this isn't a damn business deal! There has to be some form of love involved."

"Trust me there is more love involved than you'll ever know!"

And I was right, I was doing all this because I loved him because I wanted to save his life, but I wish I didn't give him such a inappropriate, and ridiculous departing gift.

We were both now standing on opposite sides of the room. He was beginning to shake, I couldn't believe I was the reason he was about to phase" Jake. Calm."

He lowered his head suddenly becoming very aware of his shaking. His face read shame. His convulsions slowed, than stopped... He lifted his head up, looking at me as if I had just kicked a puppy, or him.

"I am sorry, but please, promise me something ?" We always seem to promise things to one another, but I don't know if either of us had ever followed through?

"Anything," he promised grabbing one of my hands, then placing this other hand over the back of my hand.

"Please be there."

"No," he said letting go of my hand.

"Jake, I need you there. I want you there."

"Sorry." He shrugged.

"I just want you to support me, understand that," I couldn't even finish my sentence as I choked back the tears, I didn't want him to witness.

"I don't understand, I never will. But I support you, I just don't like it. I'm sorry Renesmee I won't be there, you're too young, too smart, to-"

"Shut up Jacob." I groaned with my arms crossed.

Then, those stupid tears began to roll down my cheeks, I couldn't believe he wouldn't be there. I don't know why I wanted him there, the fat is I always wanted him around. But if he wasn't there, it was for the best. Not see him. I just couldn't tell if he loved me or not.

He opened my bedroom door preparing to leave, before he stepped outside the thresh hold, he turned to me not letting go of the knob. "Let me ask you one question."

I bite my lip and didn't answer because whether I said yes or no he was going to ask.

"Do you love me?"

With my lip still pinned between my teeth, I indignantly shook my head, "And you wait until now to ask me?"

My hands then wondered to both sides of my head, and I began pulling at my hair. I looked down so I didn't have to look at him, because I'm sure if my gaze met his beautiful eyes I would give in. "You wait until the night before my wedding to ask a f****n question like that !?"

"Do you?" He asked. I decided to fight against my sensations of love for him. I looked up and peered at his stern and cold expression. Even as angry as he was towards me, I couldn't love him less.

I was about to say yes because I could give a damn about his imprint. _Of course! YES! Always! FOREVER AND EVER! I'll Always Love you. You're mine, MY JACOB! But _I thought about his imprint, the one who was his soul mate and true love. The bloody Volturi crossed my mind too, and I gave the only answer that would do both of us any good.

"No."

Heatedly, he turned and punched my door leaving a gaping hole in it. Then he slammed my bedroom door shut. It didn't just slam shut, it splintered and left a pile of wood on the floor. The hinges were torn off as well as the door knob. Quickly, I ran over to my window to see him speedily walking in the opposite direction of La Push. He threw punches at the trees, than instantly phased into his glorious wolf form. He ran clipping and knocking trees and plants. He destroyed everything in his path.

.I was so glad that my parents were at the main house, but it was only a matter of minutes before they realized something was wrong. My bedroom door was a pile of wood and I'd have to make up a lie about what had happened, I hated lying to my family and even more so to my Jacob. I made my way to the bathroom and locked the door, it was the only place I would be able to have privacy.

An empty hole was in the middle of my chest where my heart used to beat. I felt a panic attack coming on as I hyperventilated. I spent the entire night with the flood gates opened wide. I cried until there were no tears left, wishing I could just die and be out of my misery. Eventually, I fell asleep on the cold tile floor.

_Chapter 31 preview_

_Daddy locked arms with me and walked me down the aisle. My eyes scanned the aisles of people. My family pretended to be happy and my pack, well none of them looked happy at all. Each sat practically staring me down, I felt guilty and ashamed which is something they never did, especially Seth. He was my buddy, my pal why would he be giving me a death glare? Billy gave me a false smile, Charlie and grandma Sue sat next to him. Even Sam's entire pack and each one of their girlfriends sat closely by. I was jealous at how close the pack members were with their girls, I wanted that with my Jacob._


	32. Chapter 31 Unhappily Married?

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I guess I didn't clarify in the last chapter why Renesmee lied about loving Jacob. Well, she sees no point in telling him. She's getting married to another man she isn't sure she's in love with. She's only marrying Nahuel because it can easily get her out of Forks with no questions from her family. With that being said, how could she tell Jacob she was in love with him, when she is leaving to Russia and staying would put him in danger. Also, she won't tell him especially since she believes he hasn't imprinted, why would she admit her love for him, when he's just going to leave her?**

**I meant to post sooner but laptop is being a pain in my side. **

**Ya'll are gonna freak out about this chapter, but things aren't what they seem…**

**Happy reading! ENJOY!**

CHAPTER -31- Unhappily Married

Yesterday evening, was by far, the worst night of my entire life. I don't think anything could top it. Telling Jacob I didn't love him, nearly killed my soul. Telling someone, who you are madly in love with, who you believed to be your soul mate, that you had no feelings for him left me indignant. It was beyond hurt, beyond pain, it physically tortured me. Who knew my kind was prone to anxiety attacks? But the only time I've ever had them was when Jacob was involved the only time I is when Jacob had something to do with it. It was strange how only, he, had that affect on me. I never thought being in love would hurt so much.

Things were being prepared all morning but all I could think about was Jacob being angry with me. I cried most of the night. Then took an hours shower this morning to finish up with my leaking night's panic attack left me fatigued and drowsy, two human affects I rarely felt. After brushing my teeth and as I blow dried my hair I had to remind myself repeatedly that I wasn't Jake's soul mate because if I was, he would have imprinted on me. Whoever she was , she was the luckiest daughter of a bastard that roamed this planet, and I hated her.

I locked myself in the bathroom but I knew sooner or later I would have to come out and get ready for the wedding. Rosalie re-did my nails, they were now an amethyst violet color. I hated purple. It took everything in my power not to hurt Alice and Rose's feelings about their choices such as dresses for the bridal party and flowers. Everything cost to much, which I hated. Everythign was to over done, and it drove me insane. But anything to make this easier on them, was worth it.

Everyone invaded my medium sized room as I began to try on stuff for the wedding. My dress was lying on my bed, next to me. Rosalie was getting things ready for my hair, I placed grandma Renee's necklace around my neck. Grandma Renee had given it to momma after great granny had passed. It was a giant oval turquoise pendant but I didn't feel worthy to wear it at an artificial wedding.

Momma was getting my veil ready and Esme and Alice were out back putting the finishing touches on the decorations. _What am I missing? Oh, Jake's ring!_ I ran over to my night stand to retrieve the hand made narrow silver band. I scanned the top of the side table though no piece of jewelry was sprawled across the top. I had managed to fasten my bracelet he had made me around my wrist but I needed that ring.

As I sat on a chair in the middle of the room, Rosa began to do my hair. "Mom! Have you seen the ring Jake made me!?"

Momma looked over to me with the dress in her hands, "I'm sorry Ness, I haven't seen it."

"Rosalie?" I commanded turning my head.

"Me neiter, sorry sweetie now turn your head straight."

When Alice walked in bringing me my cream colored heels that were way to high for my taste, I asked her the same question.

"Ness, you very well know I can't see anything that has to do with you," she spoke as if everything was honky dory in the world.

"Have you ever tried?" I wondered a bit bothered.

"Not in a very long time." She smiled placing the heels on my feet.

My reaction was gall. "Well, try! I need my ring."

"Don't talk to your aunt that way." Momma reprimanded me and I felt guilty instantly.

"Sorry Alice." She just patted me on the head accepting my apology, rushing out the room.

"Don't touch her hair!" Rose shooed her away.

"That ring means a lot to me and I can't find it."

Rosalie began doing my make up and said, "We'll find it sooner or later. You're going to look amazing. The only thing we need to do is take that ridicules bracelet off. " She reached over for my wrist as I backed away. I grabbed the bracelet that Jake had made me many years ago.

"No, it means a lot to me Rosalie I need it with me, just like I need my ring."

She nodded, "We'll find it." She smiled at me,"That bracelet is just too small Ness look at it. It's cutting off your circulation.

"I don't care." I blandly said.

Rosa finished my make-up and I changed into my gown. Alice had picked a true couture wedding dress, that would be accepted by any bride with high-fashion taste. I made sure my back wasn't going to be visible since, my family still had no clue about the pack symbol I had tattooed on the top of my back and below my neck. It truly was beautiful but much too formal for my taste. I preferred a simple tea length dress and a wedding on first beach in La Push, barefoot. Simplicity, not extravagance.

Alice barged in with a giant bouquet of flowers. White Roses, White lilies thistles and stray greens.

Everyone o-ed, and awed and told me how wonderful I looked but I felt horrible.

Momma walked over and gave me a giant hug.

"Momma can you do me a big favor?"

"Sure what is it?" she wondered concerned.

"Can you shield me today? I don't think I can handle it myself today and I don't want daddy listening to my thoughts."

"Sure thing, Nudge."

Momma and Rose helped with my finishing touches, when suddenly Momma's tone changed completely. Rosa and Bella exchanged a knowing look, I could tell they were thinking the same exact thing.

"This is history repeating itself," momma gasped. The assertion about her crushed me. She looked as if she was going to cry, but not out of happiness, I could feel she was disappointed in me too just like Jacob. Why is everyone acting so strangly?

"I know it, " Rose agreed, clipping in my veil.

"What are you two talking about?" I cross examined them.

"Nothing," momma said with her arms crossed. I smiled at her and quickly one hand flew over her mouth. She wanted to cry.

"Momma, are you alright?"

Quickly she stated, "I'm fine, I'll meet you down stairs." Before I could answer her she rushed out of the room.

Rose deeply inhaled and exhaled. "Bella, is, she's," she stumbled over her words, which for Rosalie was rare because she always knew exactly what she wanted to say, honest to a fault. She paused collecting her thoughts, then spoke, "she can't believe it's your wedding day."

"What did she mean by history repeating itself?"

"Well, she was married ten years ago in the backyard and now her daughter is being married in that same exact spot."

I eyed her suspiciously, I didn't believe a word she said, "I don't think that's what she was talking about but I guess it makes sense."

Dad walked straight into my room, and verbalized, "Rose you sure know how to make my already beautiful daughter, look beyond gorgeous." He smiled at me and touched at my chin, I attempted to return the smile but failed miserably.

"Oh I didn't do anything she's naturally gorgeous," She answered still messing with my makeup.

"You're right." It was nice to see Edward and Rosalie exchange a joyful moment. "Ness you have ten minutes alright?" daddy informed and gave me a kiss on the cheek before leaving my room.

"Thanks daddy, I'll meet you in the kitchen at Carlisle's."

I stood looking at myself in the full length mirror. Rose stood behind me with such poise. Placing her hand on my shoulder, she asked, " Are you positive you want to go through with this?"

We exchanged glances through the full length mirror, and I informed her. "Everything spayed for it cost so much."

"Ness, I didn't ask about that. Are you sure you want to marry Nahuel?"

I thought about it for a few seconds then turned to her, "I'm completely sure Rosalie, we belong together."

She offered a hug and left leaving me alone for the remaining time before the wedding began. I walked over to the door frame. My door was gone and part of the wall was missing where the hinges were. The pile off wood must have been collected sometime last night when I was in my bathroom. Jacob crossed my mind again, he was so angry about this marriage but was it because he loved me or because it was just a stupid decision? It doesn't matter either way. I'm leaving to be with the Volturi and he'll find his imprint soon and be fine, but I thought to myself, '_I love him, this is for him.'_

I met daddy at the Grandpa Carlisle's kitchen and he walked me out the back door, we didn't exchange words. Daddy locked arms with me as we walked to where the wedding was being held.

"Nice tattoo." He stated.

"You knew?"

"Yeah, you know I can read minds right?" He asked as we stopped at the end of the aisle.

"Who's?" I was curious who let it slip.

"Billy, he's proud of the person you are, but he doesn't agree with this marriage ya know?"

The bridal march began and felt momma's shield go through me, so I knew she was blocking my thoughts that I couldn't from my father. We began to walk. I ignored his comment about dad, I mean Billy, but I didn't want him disappointed in me, everyone seemed to be disappointed in my decision about this marriage.

"I'm sorry about the tattoo, " I apologized.

"Don't apologize, I know it means the world to you."

_I Love Him. I Love Him. I Love Him. _I lied to myself as my eyes met Nahuels.

During that conversation, my eyes scanned the rows of people. My family pretended to be happy and my pack, well none of them looked happy at all. Each sat practically staring me down, I felt guilty and ashamed. It was odd that they looked so angry with me, which is something they never did, especially Seth. He was my buddy, my pal why would he be giving me a death glare? Then he stood up and walked away, with Embry by his side. Billy gave me a false smile, Charlie and grandma Sue sat next to him. Even Sam's entire pack and each one of their girlfriends sat closely by. I was jealous at how close the pack members were with their girls, I wanted that with my Jacob.

I felt the waterworks coming but I fought it, I had to fight it again. In the back of my mind Jacob was lurking. Throughout the ceremony, I kept looking out into the small crowd but he wasn't there until the last time I looked.

He was standing in the back, not looking up but staring at the ground. I could see sadness in his posture and eyes as he looked up at me. My heart sank so low, I grabbed my chest because it physically ached. Instantly, I turned to Nahuel and began to let tears fall from my eyes.

"Why are you crying?" he whispered, wiping a tear away.

"I'm so happy." I lied.

As the ceremony proceeded, Leah, Quil and Paul left, followed by Sam and the rest of his pack. I couldn't believe they were walking away from this wedding. My family, my pack.

I repeated what the pastor told me to say, But In my mind I replaced Jacob's name with Nahuels.

_Jacob Black, I take you to be my lawfully wedded husband.  
Before these witnesses I vow to love you and care for you as long as we both shall live.  
I take you, with all your faults and strengths, as I offer myself to you with all my faults and strengths.  
I will help you when you need help, and turn to you when I need help.  
I choose you as the person with whom I (would like) to spend my life._

After I said that in my mind I looked back to where Jacob was and he was gone, a majority of my Quileute family had disappeared.

Then the man who was marrying Nahuel and I said, "Do you Renesmee take Nahuel to be your husband?"

This was it, I either do or don't…

_CHAPTER 32 Preview_

_"Ness, can I speak with you?"daddy asked._

_"Uhm, sure...." I placed a few clothes into my suit case. _

_"Yesterday, at the wedding, I heard your thoughts."_

_"So?" I said, closing my suitcase._

_"Well, I heard everything in your head."_

_"So? You heard me say my vows to Nahuel big deal."_

_"Renesemee, I kept hearing you say 'I Love Him' repeatedly. At first I thought it was about Nahuel but you had Jacob in your head the entire time."_

_I turned away from him and placed my suit case by the door. Ifelt my eyes start to sting. Holding back the tears I replied, " Yeah he was, I wanted him to be there. I wanted him to support me. I kept making sure he was there."_

_"Ness, do you love Jacob?"_

_I couldn't answer._


	33. Chapter 32 Leaving

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: We will not be seeing Nahuel and Renesmee's wedding night, because we have to figure out whether or not they even got married? Things are not what they seem. Dun Dun Dun! I'm PRO Renesmee & Jacob don't worry to much. **

**Heads up, I may have to change the ratings soon to M.**

**Thanks for all the reviews and favorite-ing. my hits and visits have more than doubled. I feel so special.**

CHAPTER -32- Leaving

* * *

No, I couldn't get married. Not yesterday, not in front of my family. Not in front of anyone that didn't want me to marry Nahuel. The packs left discontented with me, and that hurt, my family pretended to be content, and that seemed to hurt worse. But when Jacob was there, I felt adequate and even forgot I was being married to another man. I hoped Jake would race up to the makeshift alter and stop the wedding but he never did. He had his reasons not to stop the wedding, most likely he knew he would imprint and this was for the best. And I had my reasons to stop the wedding.

I decided I would marry Nahuel in Argentina, with no other witnesses that didn't approve. No matter how much I didn't want to marry Nahuel I had to, because once the Volturi found out they would leave Jacob alone.

The wedding_ was_ beautiful, but it never captured my attention, not the least bit. There was no reception, as per my request. Immediately I had to talk to Nahuel about future planning and he was already in Argentina. I told my family I would be there for a few weeks; little did they know I was leaving for perhaps longer. While I was in Brazil, I could easily slip away from Nahuel and Huilen and get to Russia. I was scared of course, I was about to visit two new countries and face them alone, without my family, my pack or my Jacob.

I was packing a suitcase, when daddy just walked into my room he didn't say a word. He sent me a false smile, like everyone's been doing. I just smirked back at him as I placed a pair of shoes in my suitcase.

"I can't believe you did that to the door," he said oblivious to the truth.

I smirked at him and said, "Well, what was I supposed to do? I locked myself out of my room."

"You come get me, since I have the every key to our house."

I looked over at the door frame, where the door was still missing. Jacob had destroyed a few nights ago and it has yet to be replaced.

Daddy made himself comfortable on the end of my bed. I felt self-conscious as he watched me pack. I knew he was trying hard to read my thoughts but I wouldn't let him in. "Ness, can I speak with you?" he asked.

"Uhm, sure...." I placed a few clothes into my suit case.

"Yesterday, at the wedding, I heard your thoughts."

"So?" I shrugged zipping my bag up.

"Well," he said grabbing my suitcase and setting it beside my bed, "I heard everything in your head."

"So? You heard me say my vows to Nahuel big deal," I shrugged again, acting oblivious to the accusation I knew he was about to make.

"Renesemee, I kept hearing you say_ 'I Love Him' _repeatedly. At first I thought your thoughts were about Nahuel but you had Jacob in your head the entire time."

I felt my eyes start to sting. Holding back the tears I replied, "Yeah he was, I wanted him to be there. I wanted him to support me. I kept making sure he was there."

I let my shield for a split second and daddy caught a glimpse of my thoughts, which were on Jake.

"Ness, do you love Jacob?"

I couldn't answer.

"You love him don't you?"

"Daddy, stop."

"Before you were to say I do, you thought _I love you Jacob._"

Out of frustration about my father's confrontation I answered thwarted, "No I didn't." I

" You said vows to Jacob in your mind, Renesmee."

_S***! Momma was supposed to shield my thoughts. _Daddy interrupted my short thought.

"**Y**_**ou didn't marry Nahuel yesterday**_, so what makes you think you'll marry him when you get to Argentina?"

"Because I Love him!" False, completely FALSE. I didn't love Nahuel.

"At first you did love him, but that's not what I heard or saw yesterday. You love Jacob, I know it and that's fine he's a great guy-"

I cut him off. "Dad, it's my life Okay! And it's none of your business what I do with my life!"

"It is Renesmee when you are hurt it's my business, " he stood from the bed and began shouting at me, which he rarely ever did. He became allayed after his outburst and continued,"when you are happy it is my business, when you make a bad decision it's my business, and what you're about to do is a bad decision, its wrong."

I stood with my arms crossed. "Dad it's done okay."

"No, Ness, it's not done, think about Nahuel's feelings."

"I am. That's why I am marrying him, he's happy he gets what he wants. "

"But what about you? What about what you want? You don't love him."

He was talking me out of marrying Nahuel and he was doing a damn good job. I had to put a stop to this.

"Dad, Listen! Half breeds with half breeds, vampires with vampires and Wolves with Wolves, That's just how it is!"

"Ness, if that's why you're marrying him, you're wrong."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yes."

"Give me an example of how two completely different species can be together. Cats don't breed with dogs and birds don't mate with fish. Wolves don't fall in love with bats! Make sense!?"

"I married your mother!"

"What the hell does that have to do with anything!?" I shouted.

"Don't talk that way. Now listen, Bella was human and I was vampire. Everything about that combination was wrong and unnatural but we loved each other and wanted to make it work and we did."

"Daddy," I said placing one of my hands over my forehead, "You. Don't. Understand. Now, please let me, finish packing."

"Ness, I-"

"Just go!"

And he did as I ordered. I felt so bad for lashing out at my father, but he was causing me to change my mind. And I couldn't.

A few minutes later, momma made her way to my room.

"Hey, nudge." She said giving me a hug, her mood was a hundred times different than yesterday. She was most likely relieved that I didn't marry Nahuel. Instantly I lashed out at her too.

"Why didn't you shield my thoughts?"

"I guess, I was so involved in the moment, I-I'm sorry I let the shield slip but you can block them yourself as well as I could, you have the power to do so."

"I need to finish packing," I lied changing the subject, I was finished packing.

"Renesemee, do you really love Jake?"

"Yes, I Love him, I haves since I was little."

"You know what I mean," she gritted her teeth as she spoke.

With a shallow mutter I informed her, "I would be marrying him if I loved him."

"So, why aren't you?"

"Because I don't love him that way, he means next to nothing to me!" I lied again. All I've been doing is lying.

"Nudge, stop lying to me and yourself. That's not what Edward said."

"Daddy has no idea what he's talking about."

"Ness, he can read your, mind."

"Usually, he _can't_."

"Yes and sometimes he can, especially when you're so vulnerable and emotional. Unless you pierce through that but he heard what you were thinking about Jake."

"Mom, Guess what? I'm marrying Nahuel. I'm leaving Forks ... and La push, End of story."

"No, no end of story. I don't think you realize what you're doing."

I and my mother were arguing like cats and dogs now. And I hated it, me and my mother never argued except when we moved to Alaska, I hated her and daddy for a short time because she took me away from Jacob.

"I know exactly what I'm doing, it's for the best."

"You'll marry a man you don't love, only because he's half-vampire."

"Mom," I didn't know what to say, I lied through my teeth about everything. Every word she spoke was the truth." You were supposed to shield my thoughts."

"Ness, I can't always do that for you."

"I know. Why do you think I've learned how to shield my own thoughts? I taught Jacob too been tryin to teach Aunt Rose."

"Jacob? Why would you even bring up Jacob?"

"Because he hates daddy being in his head."

"Hmmm, that explains why your dad hasn't been able to read his mind lately."

"Is he good at it?"

"Yes, since you're talking about him, you asked me shield your thoughts because you were thinking about Jacob the entire time?"

"Momma, I feel so confused. I love Nahuel but I can't leave home."

_Once daddy said momma was like his drug, he needed her. But I don't feel that for Jake. For me he is my sun, my moon and my stars. He's the land __I live on and the nature I admire. The blood I survive on and the air I breathe. I love him. More than I should. He was my home__, Jacob was home. Anywhere he went I wanted to__ be._

"Is that what's bothering you? Leaving us? "

"Yeah." I half lied with watery eyes. Momma walked over to me and offered a hug, which I gladly took.

"I-I don't know what to say, "She said and I could feel her cool breath hit my neck.

"I'm just going to miss you guys so much."

"I'll see you in two weeks, it's not forever," she said rubbing my arms.

"Mom, I gotta finish packing and go say goodbye to Grandpa Charlie..."

"Okay, well I'm going to go hunting with your father; I'll see you before you leave."

"I don't want to say bye to anyone."

"Why?"

"It'll hurt too much."

"Okay, you don't have to say bye. It's not even goodbye, I'll see you soon."

"Fine."

I left each one of my family members a short note, letting them each know how much I loved them and how much they meant to me.

* * *

**Did you really think I could marry Nahuel and Renesmee? YEAH RIGHT!? Though they are still together...**

_**The next chapter won't be a chapter, it will be the letters and we will understand what each family member means to her. Also I will put some links of pictures of things on my profile. Something's such as the ring Jacob made her, her wedding dress, bedroom, etc.

* * *

**_

**This is an AMAZING band, I recommend them. If this was a movie I could imagine this song in it, it reminds me of the chapter.**

_Arcade Fire-Bad Vibrations_

We can reach the sea.  
They won't follow me. Shadows, they fear the sun.  
We'll make it if we run!  
Run from the memory.  
Je nage, mais les sons me suivent. ( I swim but the sound follows me)  
Left my name with the border guards,  
a name that I don't need.  
Ce sera un long voyage (This will be a long journey)  
sur les vagues de l'oubli. ( the waves of oblivion)  
Run from the memory.  
Je nage, mais les sons me suivent. (I swim but the sound follows me)

Stop now before it's too late,  
been eating in the ghetto on a hundred dollar plate.  
Nothing lasts forever  
that's the way it's gotta be,  
there's a great black wave in the middle of the sea for  
me, for you, for me, _it's always for you._  
Stop now before it's too late.  
Your lover was for hire, have you noticed he's been late?  
Nothing lasts forever that's the way it's gotta be,  
there's a great black wave in the middle of the sea for  
me, for you, for me, _it's always for you._  
The sound is not asleep, it's moving under my feet.  
The sound is not asleep, it's moving under my feet.  
The sound is not asleep, it's moving under my feet.  
The sound is not asleep, it's moving under my feet.


	34. Letters

_**Authors note : These are letters to Renesmee's family. Stay tuned for the next chapter. I will put links up on my profile for things such as Nessie's promise ring, her wedding gown, where she is going too in Russia, her bedroom etc. Visuals are nice and so are REVIEWS. Three reviews=next chapter. Thanks so much!**_

_-Letters_

* * *

_Momma,_

_I love you so much. I can't express how much I love you. You gave me life and you've been like my best friend, but motherly still. I don't have many words for you but I appreciate everything you've done for me. Thanks for the support and compaction. I've given you these letters to hand out to the family. It pretty self explanatory. Except the one to the pack give it to Esme so she could give it to Billy to read to the pack. Thanks Momma hope to see you really soon._

_I love you so much,_

_Nudge._

_Oh and send my love to Charlie and Sue I didn't have time to write a letter to them._

* * *

_Daddy,_

_Our relationship has always been strange but not uncomfortable. Having you in my head isn't the best thing but at times when I can't talk, you still listen to my thoughts. I don't have many words for you, just like I didn't have many words for mom, but I love you and will see you really soon. _

_I love you. Love, Renesmee_

* * *

_To my family, my pack & Dad,_

_In a world of vampires, wolves and humans, I've never truly fit. But you have always accepted me as one of your own, for the most part. And you have no clue what that means to me. Sure at first I made each of you flinch a bit but we're the same. We're all somewhat human. So I love you guys and go get some bad vamps for me. Oh, remember you are always welcome in the Cullen's home for whatever reason, especially food. Esme will gladly make you guys dinner if you just ask, especially you Billy. Also, take care of Jacob he's been bothered by something lately and I really wish I could be there for him, but life doesn't always work out the way you had hoped._

_I'll see all of you really soon, Love each of you -Nessie._

* * *

_Jazz,_

_Many mistake you for being a cold person but you are one of the most intuitive beings ever to walk the face of this planet. Thanks for always comforting me, maybe not physically but emotionally. I needed you a lot these past years, thank you. Thanks for a few pointers in defending myself, but let's let Emmett believe he taught me everything about fighting. Wink, wink._

_. You once told me you'd take me down south and I'm holding you to that promise. Love you. I'll see you again, soon_

_-R_

* * *

_Auntie Alice! _

_I love you so much, I wish I had an eighth of your optimism. (and premonitions) Sometimes I wish you could see my future just so I know how things would turn out. I could really use your advice right about now. _

_Also, Thanks so much for such a beautiful wedding. I really wished you would have toned it down a bit but I expected nothing less from you. I only agreed to your craziness because I love you. Sorry went through all the trouble to plan a wedding that didn't happen._

_I'll miss you see you soon. _

_Love Nessie. _

* * *

_Aunt Rosalie, _

_Jacob tells me you can be egotisitc and vain at times, but I've never seen that. Not once, you've always been more concerned with me than yourself. You're a great aunt practically my second mother. Also, I'm glad I can bring you and momma together. And I'm pleased that I can bring both you and Jake to agree on something. I really don't understand why you two hate each other so much. You have so much in common, you're both loyal and strong willed. You both share the talent of being mechanically savvy and you both love me so. Please, do me a favor and be nice to him, I think he secretly likes you and I know you sort of respect him. I love you so much._

_-Love Nessie_

_P.S. Also, I've know we've never spoke about this but momma told me how you still wish to be human. All I have to say, is I'm glad you can be around forever.__One day you will have your own child, I just know it. _

* * *

_Emmett, Emmett, Emmett,_

_Where do I begin with you? Without you I don't think I would have a sense of humor. You taught me everything I know about being sarcastic and fighting, so, thanks. A large part of my life runs on sarcasm Along with all that thanks for always playing games with me, growing up, I know how competitive you are and you always let me win. When we moved to Alaska. You were the only one that got my mind off of Jake. So Thanks! I won't miss you at all!_

_Just kidding, Love ya, see you real soon. _

_-Ness_

* * *

_Grandma Esme,_

_You love everyone with a such a passion, that I consider you a saint. You're the first person I've known to willingly accept the pack as you're family. And I thank you because they are my family too. That is why I ask you give them my note I have written for them. Momma should have given it to you. If you could do me that favor, I would greatly appreciate it. Take care of Jacob and his father. I know how maternal you are and with me leaving, they'll need someone to cook their dinners. I love you and you are the best grandmother ever. No disrespect to Grandma Renee but I see you more and Renee doesn't even know I'm her granddaughter. _

_Love you tons Momma bear._

_Love Ness_

* * *

_Grandpa Carlisle, _

_So compassionate, so understanding and non-judgemental. You and Esme are a perfect fit. Saints the both of you. You saved so many, but I especially would like to thank you for saving my mother. I know it was mostly my father who saved her but you gave Daddy the idea that life is precious. I'm not sure if life would have been the same. Love you ,respect you. Thanks for being a wonderful grandfather and taking care of our family. Love You. _

_-Renesmee_

_P.S. I greatly apologize for the amount of money Auntie Alice spent on the wedding. But I couldn't go through with it when everyone didn't really approve. _

* * *

The letter she wrote to Jacob will be in a later chapter.

* * *

**_Chapter 33 preview_**

**_In the next chapter Nessie heads to Russia to meet up with the Volturi and found out what they want with her._**


	35. Chapter 33 A New Life

**Authors note: Eventually you will find out why the Volturi are in Russia. Links are up. Enjoy. **

**Everyone's so angry with me, I might cry. Ness and Nahuel do break up in the next chapter alright I know it's killing so many people out there.**

**Please keep reading I promise there will eventually be a happy ending. We know the Volturi want Renesmee for their "collection" but we just need to find out what the Volturi will do with her. There's about 3-4 more chapters then there will be a sequel. Yay!**

**Happy Reading! **

**CHAPTER -33- A New Life**

After only four days in Argentina I escaped from Huilen and Nahuel and made it to the airport. I had to be in Russia on September first or they'll kill my Jacob. As I stood in line for my ticket I heard a familiar voice call out for me. When I turned I came, face to face with Nahuel.

"What are you doing here?" I asked really ticked off. I couldn't figure out how he knew I was here.

He gently took a hold of my hand and declared, "You left me."

He had such a glum expression, I couldn't believe what I was putting him through. "Trust me, it's for your own good. Now go back to Huilen." I said calmer than before.

"Huilen is dead."

"Dead? I'm so sorry." I showed my remorse and gave him a hug, "How?"

"The Volturi."

"What?"

"Huilen ran into Joham, they started arguing about my mother. My father warned her, she warned me. I searched for you but couldn't find you, when I came back Huilen was burnt to ashes. I knew you had to go to the airport for a personal trip you said so I came here. On the way here I ran into my father, he came to warn us about the Volturi, they want to kill all half-breeds."

"That's not possible." I didn't believe him, us half-breeds were no threat to the Volturi and the Volturi are usually fair.

"I talked to him, he warned me, he told me to run." As he talked he still had a tight grasp on my hand and I could tell he feared for his life and mine.

"Why do we need to run?"

"My father had been making an astounding amount of half breeds, like us. Now, our kind, has become a threat to the Volturi. They've been killing in South America exceedingly, just as if they we're new borns. My father taught all of them to do so. I should have killed him."

"The Volturi will catch up with them."

" They believe we're like the others."

"We're not," I stated then changed the subject,"I have to go to Russia.

"For?"

I knew he feared the Volturi, especially since they killed his only loving relative. So I wouldn't tell him why I was going to Russia. "It doesn't matter."

"Are you alright?" He asked. I could bear to look him in the eyes, I didn't want to tell him but I've lied to him so much already and I can't keep lying to him," I'm going to the Volturi."

"What why? They want us dead."

"It's the only way to keep my Jacob and family safe."

"Jacob?"

"That came out wrong, to keep my family and Jacob safe."

"Why do you need to go to the Volturi?"

"Aro wants to speak with me. He has for almost a decade now."

"What about?"

"No doubt, about how the pack, my family, me, out kind. And the pack killing Heidi. and me killing Demetri."

"Why are they of importance to him?"

"Demetri is their main tracker, it's how they find people, it's how they're finding our kind. They must have found someone to replace him and Heidi, was their Lurer."

"Lurer?"

"She brings the Volturi victims, so they could feed. I'm pretty sure that's what they want to speak about, I hope."

"Don't go please." He begged. I moved up in the line as I came closer and closer to the ticket counter.

" I think I can straighten everything out."

"They'll kill you."

"No they won't, I'm going to them willingly, they'll appreciate that."

"I'm going with you."

"Nahuel, if you want to get yourself killed you're welcome to come, but please don't put your life at risk."

"I belong with my wife."

"We're not married."

"We could be, whenever you're ready."

"Are you sure you want to come?"

"Til death do us part."

"That may be sooner than you think."

We boarded United 846 and had a connection in Los Angeles. Everything was simple since neither of us had any luggage. All I had was a black jansport bag full of snacks and one change of clothes. I had my passport, id and credit cards, which was enough. Even Nahuel had those things on him.

After the flight we took a cab to St. Petersburg Square. Right before we exited the cab, Nahuel gave me a kiss that carried such worry and love. It didn't' compare to Jacob's kisses. I don't know how much longer I could lie to Nahuel.

"I love you," he said before he opened the door to the cab and walked over to my side and let me out.

"Love you," I replied. And I wasn't lying, I loved him, like a brother nothing more. He was a sweet guy but he wasn't Jacob.

There were many people in the square, I wondered how I was going to find Jane. It was exactly a week ago that I had almost been married, since I've last seen Jacob and my family. There was an emptiness in my soul, that I haven't felt sense I lived in Alaska. I knew it was because I was away from Jacob.

Nahuel and I waited and waited but I didn't see any of the Volturi. I remembered that they couldn't be in the sunlight and noticed that the clouds were rolling in. Soon, they would be here. We stayed around the square for hours. I started giving Nahuel a history lesson about Red Square, Ivan the fourths orders to built St. Basil's Cathedral and the Moscow Kremlin. (Link of Red Square on profile)

As we gazed at the cathedral I saw Jane walking towards us. The heavy clouds finally rolled in and I began walking towards the three Volturi members, with Nahuel following. Jane was accompanied by two other members; one familiar the other not.

"I've come, like you asked now what do you want?"

"Who's this you brought with you?" Jane asked pointing at Nahuel.

"My fiance."

"I -" I could hear shock and confusion in her voice and I enjoyed it. Nahuel then came to stand by me and grabbed me hand. The one Santiago, I remember him from my childhood, whispered to Jane. " Hhm," she laughed,"very well." she continued.

"Follow me."

We walked through Moscow for an hour until we ended up at an abandoned castle on the outskirts of Moscow.

I had come to terms that this was my New Life. I was to do whatever the Volturi wanted to keep Jacob alive.

We paraded through the giant door of the red brick building and stopped in the main hall. The orphic blue paint on the walls were peeling. It was strange that they lived in such a dilapidated building. It was kind of contridictory to who they believed they were. Aro, Caius and Marcus came to mind. They must have been here because I could see many people in red, gray and black cloaks wondering around the building and walking up and down the grand stair case. (Link off castle on profile)

It seemed that the Volturi force had more than doubled from when I last remember as a child.

"You," Jane pointed at me, "will be the one to lure victims so we can eat."

I gritted my teeth in such anger and I replied to her, "I can't do that."

"You will do it," She warned as Alec walked past me and stood next to his heinous sister. Renata come from the other room and joined in the line.

"Why should I?"

"Your wolf killed our baiter." Jane said as Alec sent an evil smirk to me.

"She had it coming."

"Well now you'll be replacing Heidi and do the baiting."

"I won't do it!" I shouted. It went against everything I stood for even if I didn't feed upon humans I could bring them to their death. I couldn't have that on my conscience.

"AH!" I gasped, I felt my whole body tense up as I fell to the floor. Suddenly, all my senses went numb, but I battled against their mental attacks. Of course, I won. I stood back on my two feet when Jane gave me a warning.

"You do as you're told or your wolf will be broughten here and you'll witness his murder, then I'll kill you."

"I don't believe in taking lives."

"I don't care." She snarled at me.

"I'll lure people." Nahuel finally interrupted.

I turned to him with pleading eyes, "Nahuel."

"Fine." Jane agreed.

"Nahuel is it?"

"Yes." He answered and I interrupted Jane.

"You said Aro wanted to see me!"

"Soon. Now you'll do as you're told or you're dog will be killed remember that."

"He means nothing to me! Can't you see that I'm marrying another man!"

"Renata take Nahuel to the left wing to speak with Aro. I need to have a private conversation with Ms. Cullen," then she corrected herself, "Oh, I mean the soon to be Mrs. Rodriguez. "

I gave Nahuel a hug, placing my thoughts in his mind with my touch._You shouldn't have came._

"I have nothing now, except you I had to come," he said and guilt set in yet again.

I gave him another hug, before he left with Renata and all the other Volturi members left with him.

"I'm not taking his last name." I informed.

"Hmm," she hummed, then proceeded with a "I wonder why?"

With an austere expression, she cocked her head. "I can see he's your decoy."

"Decoy? Ha, You think he's a decoy?" I laughed mocking her.

"Oh my dear, I know you better than you know yourself, I've been watching you for years."

"Years?" I questioned, and felt almost violated.

"Yes, Aro sends me at least three times a year to supervise your development. Making sure your kind is no threat to us, you see?"

"Apparently we are." I mocked her again. Apparently our kind were since they've been after other half-breeds and Joham.

" Shut up. One thing I do know is that you believe in human rights, for reasons unknown to me, so you're not like the others and you even som how managed to get Nahuel to quit killing humans but you also would have never had a civil wedding, unless... you really didn't love that man. Plus you didn't go through with it."

She was so offensive, and I couldn't talk to her any longer I wanted to speak with Aro.

"I want to see Aro," I announced to her.

"Yes, we will see Aro."

_CHAPTER 32 preview_

_"Go." Jane pointed the way with her eyes._

_"What are you doing?" I asked scared as Aro took a hold of my petite hand. Instantly I stepped back and pulled away. _

_"I just wish to know your life history, I can tell with a simple touch of your hand. May I?" he asked. I knew I had no choice, I did as he asked. I placed my hand in his, blocking everything I could. Sending him only what I wish to send him. My parents and family mainly came to mind, how much I loved them and missed them. My thought and feelings and what I stood for. How Nahuel and I were no threat to the Volturi. Many colors swirled in my mind, each color meaning another emotion, lastly I showed him how much I despised Jane and how much pain she had put me in for absolutely no reason. Nothing about Heidi's death or the pack or Jake was ever shown to him, I had to protect them. After I let go, I felt molested, he now knew most everything about me. _

_"I can't see everything. How very strange." He examined my face, then raised an eyebrow. _


	36. Chapter 34 Break Up

**I was going to wait for reviews but I couldn't I just had to get this chapter up!**

**Authors note:**** This is the last chapter in Renesmee's point of view. There will be a break up. Yay!**

**Jacob's perspective is coming up in the next chapter. Soon we'll find out why he let Renesmee go !**

**We're getting so much closer to a happy ending. **

**Reminder:**** Heidi had no special powers, but since Jacob killed her, (chapter 22) Jane took it upon herself to have Renesmee to replace her, because she has such an attraction about her. After Demetri was killed by Ness (chapter 8) He was easily replaced since trackers are common. The Volturi have more than doubled in size. But why?**

**Sadly this story is coming to an end, but you will get your happy ending and perhaps a battle Cullens/Pack vs. Volturi? **

**So, if there's any loose ends I need to tie up, let me know. **

**Reviews make me smile, so give me that opportunity to smile! Happy reading! Enjoy!**

**Reviews=Next Chapter**

**Chapter 34 – Break up-**

I followed Jane into a large wood paneled room. Each panel was beautifully carved.(#12 link on profile) I stared in wonderment, I thought of how beautiful it could be if it was just refurbished. As I looked closer, I could tell this was an old ballroom. The Chandeliers above our heads frightened me, I was scared they would fall on our heads.

"Ah, Jane. Who or _what _have you brought with you?" I knew that voice and I knew that face, it was Aro, sitting along side Marcus and Caius. _Shoot and I thought I was white. They're whiter than paper._ I thought.

"A Cullen." Jane answered.

"Oh, the werewolf lover." Caius interjected very annoyed. _How did he know?!_

"Yes." I responded.

"You're in love with a wolf?" Marcus looked to me with a very contemplative trouble expression. Yes, he was confused. I could tell Aro and Marcus weren't sure as to who I was but Caius shot daggers at me.

I lied to Marcus' question about my love for a werewolf. " Yes, I love the wolf, he's my best friend, but I'm in love with my fiancé." Marcus moved his head from left to write, rolling his eyes and turning his gaze to the windows.

"I can clearly hear a heartbeat. Yet, you are not human are you, nor vampire?" Aro asked as if he was confused.

I answered," I'm both but at times I feel like neither."

The he preceded, "Ah ha ha, I remember the vampire human amalgam Renesmee, you've grown."

I nodded in concur. "You seem to be the only one of the few cur's in existence now."

"And Nahuel." I added.

"Nahuel?" Aro wondered.

"My fiancé."

"Oh yes, yes, yes." He answered placing his hand out towards me. He didn't take a step towards me and I wasn't sure what to do. With his hand still outstretched toward me, It felt awkward, he was more than ten feet across the giant wooden room.

"Go." Jane pointed the way with her eyes.

As I stepped closer to him, the brief burst of sunlight came through the windows. There was a hole in the thick clouds the hovered in the sky. At least that was my assumption. His skin sparkled, but not like my parents. It was so dull and weak like brightness of sand. Tiny specks shined but most of his skin appeared to be dirty_. It's by the dirty life he lives._ When the sun disappeared his skin went back to its original creamed color.

"What are you doing?" I asked scared as Aro took a hold of my petite hand. Instantly I stepped back and pulled away.

"I just wish to know your life history, I can tell with a simple touch of your hand. May I?" he asked.

I knew I had no choice, I did as he asked. Placing my hand in his, I blocked everything I him only what I wish to send him. My parents and family mainly came to mind, how much I loved them and missed them. My thought and feelings and what I stood for: such as human life, authority, history and family.

How Nahuel and I were no threat to the Volturi. Many colors swirled in my mind, each color meaning another emotion, lastly I showed him how much I despised Jane and how much pain she had put me in for absolutely no reason. Nothing about Demetri or Heidi's death nor the pack or Jake was ever shown to him, I had to protect them. After he let go, I felt molested, he now knew most everything about me. It was like my memories were stolen from me.

"I can't see everything?" Aro said disappointed.

"What?" Caius wondered in a worried expression.

" How very strange." Aro examined my face, then raised an eyebrow. "You're mother is Isabella and Edward is your father?"

"Yes." _I thought he knew?_

"I can clearly tell, you have a very private mind, much like your mothers. You only send the thoughts you want me to hear or visions you allow me to see."

I apprised him, "I've had much practice."

"Practice?" He questioned walking back to the group of large antique push sofas. As he sat his grazed his finger across the wood accent of the red velvety couch.

"I've learned to hide my thoughts from my father."

"Ah, the telepath," he clapped his hands together, "You seemed to have gained some of his powers."

"What do you mean?"

"Instead of reading thoughts you can put thoughts in one's mind."

"Master, she wished to be able to help us in the study of hybrids." Jane interceded with a whopper of a lie.

His smile grew wide,"Oh, you do?"

I looked over to Jane, who in return gave me a deadly glare. I couldn't escape this one without pain being inflicted on me.

Internally, I reluctantly agreed but posed as if I truly wished to help."Whatever I can do to help."

"Well, you will be our main subject. Anything you need we will give you but you must help us anyway we need."

"Yes, one thing I do ask is for a private room where I can get sleep."

"You sleep?" Marcus questioned. I guessed they hadn't done much studies on the half-breeds as I thought.

"Yes, I am half human after all."

Aro shook his head, "Tisk tisk tisk, such a waste of time but if it helps our experiments run better."

"So you will join us?" Marcus inquired bored.

I was ready to scream no, but I felt Alec cut of my vision for a quick second. I turned around to see him standing behind me with a few other guards in red. I blinked a few times to get my vision back, when my eyes met Jane's, she raised both of her eyebrows mischievously at me.

"I will." I agreed.

"Jane," Aro snapped his fingers at her, "I would like you to oversee her development."

"Yes, master." She smirked, eyeing me as if I was her prey.

"Take her to the Blue room, let her sleep." Aro ordered.

"Yes, Master."

She walked me through the mansion, everywhere there were vampires with read cloaks a few grey ones and Jane wore a black one. I thought in my head that is how they must rank people. A faint distant sound echoed almost as if it was a screaming child. The further we went down the hall the noise became clearer it was a child, specifically a little girl crying. As I passed by the peach colored room I could see a small toddler sitting in a play pin crying.

"Corin! Can you get that to be quiet!" Jane didn't shout but spoke rather loudly and menacingly.

The toddler turned to see Jane and cried even louder.

"I don't know how?" The other Vampire complained.

"Who's baby is that?" I wondered, watching as the red eyed Corin, just sit there reading a book, trying really hard to keep that poor girl content. I stepped to the doorway when Corin took notice. She stood up almost defensive. When she did so the girl cried hysterically. She was scared of both Corin and Jane. Without delay Jane told me where the dark haired little one had come from.

"Aro found a woman who had powers, similar to your Alice, Aro let her become our secretary. Before we went to turn her she had relations with one of the new guards, they planned on running away together. He was quickly killed and she, well, she died giving birth. Now that thing has been nothing but an annoyance." Jane answered me with no attitude.

"So, she's a half-breed, like me?"

"Yes..." she said more agitated.

"How old is she?"

"A few months. Ugh, Corin get that thing to shut up!"

Stepping into the stone walled room, I informed Jane. "I know how to keep her from crying."

"You do? Well go, go." she pushed me in the room. It held a full sized bed and a chaise lounge. The play pin was positioned in the center of the room.

I stepped into the room, that was awfully cold. No, wonder this poor girl was crying. Corin stepped away as I picked up the girl and Jane walked me to the room I would be sleeping in.

I made it to a cylindrical shaped baby blue room.(#7 link on profile) Boarded windows adorned the peeling walls, I don't think adorned was the right word. I sat on the bed and wiped the tears of off the toddlers rosy cheeks.

"Hey, baby girl. Why ya cryin?" Her hair was dark and her eyes were a deep maroon with blue undertones, almost purple. It was completely odd, you wouldn't believe she was real. She appeared to be around two years old not two months. She smiled at me when I spoke to her. She was extremely beautiful, she reminded me a bit of Rosalie in a way, beauty beyond compare. Her forehead was burning up, from crying but the skin on her arm was cooler than it should be. I don't think any of the Volturi took into consideration that she was half human. I grabbed the blanket off the bed and wrapped it around, not only her but myself.

I placed her facing my chest, so I could wrap my arms around her to get her warmed up. As she began to burst into tears again. She rested her head against my chest for awhile as I sang to her. Jane and Corin watching the entire time with bewildered expressions. The girl stopped crying completely after a minute or two, she must have fallen asleep.

"Do you guys have any food around here?" I asked with the toddler still in my arms.

"No." Corin said angrily.

"Well do you have any blood, she may enjoy that."

"I tried she doesn't want any."

"Are you sure there's no food?" I questioned again.

"Aro keeps some occasionally for out secretaries, I could go check." Before I could answer Corin was gone searching for food.

"Jane could I trouble you to go into town and get some raw meat for her?"

"No, I won't. You need to get started on the experiments."

"Please, Jane. It will get her to stop crying."

"Ugh, fine. As soon as I return we will start the experiments."

I nodded, thinking that this girl couldn't stay with Corin anymore, she scared of her but seemed comfortable with me."Can I take care of her from now on?"

"I'll ask Aro before I go to the market."

"Thank you so much Jane." I wondered why I even thanked her. She was evil and vile and had made most of my so called, adolescence hell.

"Don't thank me yet," she handed me a black cloak, "Aro may say no and just let her die or she may become a snack."

"You wouldn't."

"It's not up to me." She said with a blank expression. _How could anyone be so heartless?_

"Jane, what's this for?" I asked as the cape rested in my free hand.

"You're cloak." She stated it so repulsed.

"Why is black, don't I get a red one?" I was quite curious.

"You killed Demetri,therefore Aro considered you dangerous." She stated beginning to walk out of the room.

"Jane, can I ask a favor?"

"I guess."

"Can I see my fiancé?"

I could hear the wickedness in her voice, "He's down the hall, I'll go get him."

She was gone and back within seconds, "He's on his way. Now what do I need to get?"

"Get some raw meats and fruit." I said rocking the toddler in my arms. Jane started to exit the room once more and I asked for her again,"Oh and Jane?"

"What!"

"What's her name?"

"I don't know."

"What was her mother's name?"

"Lillian." She stated and left.

" Lillian Cullen."

When I said her name she began crying again.

"Ma ma?" she spoke. I looked into those murky eyes of hers, she must have wanted her mother the whole time.

"No," I corrected, " I'm Nessie."

I watched as the girls bottom lip protruded further than before and it started to quiver. Tears began to roll down her cheek. I sat up holding her closer, hoping it would get her to calm down. With no luck, I sat down on the bed again wondering what I could do to keep Lily from crying.

I placed my hand on her cheek, showing her happiness. I showed her La Push, Jacob, my family I showed her things to that made me happy. I showed each of my family members and each member of the pack, Billy, Grandpa Charlie and Nana Sue.

"Gean." She stated, which meant again. I went through the images again slower, she had me paused at Rosalie. A gapped smile spread across her face where I could see a few teeth coming in. "Ma ma." she claimed.

I couldn't bear to hear her cry again so I nodded. "Yes, that's your Mommy." She smiled again. I placed my hand back on her cheek and showed her Emmett. "Da da." I pronounced for her, hoping she would repeat.

I laughed at the thought of Emmett being a father, maybe he would grow up a little.

"Da, da?" she smiled in awe. I nodded placing my palm to her check once again, showing her Rosalie and Emmett as her parents. I showed them together inside the living room at my grandparents. I knew if I ever made it back to Forks I would let Rosalie have her, as her own daughter. She looked much like Rose to me and Rose has always wanted a child of her own.

"That's your, Ma-ma and Da-da." She giggled after I reassured that Rose and Em were her parents. Slowly her tiny hand, made its way to my face. She pated my cheek, smiling, "N-yes." she attempted to say my name.

She was clearly intelligent but didn't have much nurturing since her birth, I guess I was all she had now.

I layed in my bed waiting for Nahuel, attempting to read books written in Russian, but it was no use. Why hadn't daddy taught me Russian I wondered. He taught me Spanish and Portugese, why not Russian? There wasn't much to do, so I started picking at my nails, then I remembered the ring that used to be wrapped around my left ring finger. My ring from Jacob was missing. I was instantly saddened and couldn't even bring myself to cry. Instead I turned my attention to Lillian.

I watched Lillian as lied in her crib. She must have been a hundred more times scared than I was. It had only been two hours when at last, Nahuel walked in the door with fruit. A red cloak draped across his shoulder.

"How are you?" He asked kissing my cheek.

"I feel like s***. I couldn't do anything to stop this. I'm sorry." He didn't reply, setting the fruit on the small table in the corner. I asked, "Are you angry with me?"

"No," he spoke with no worries. Lillian began to stir on the bed.

"I'm so sorry I've gotten you into this mess."

"It's fine, I don't have much to live for anymore. I have something to do now."

"I'm still sorry." I said now holding Lillian in my arms.

"Can I ask you a question?" he asked sitting next to me on the springy bed.

"Of course."

"You love him don't you?"

"Who?" I asked gazing at Lillian who slept in my arms.

"Jacob?"

It was time to be honest, especially since I let things go to far with Naheul.I turned to him and sent a sympathetic grin, "Yeah."

"Why'd you agree to marry me?"

"I belong with you. We're the same."

"Do you love me?"

"Yeah," I paused, "of course." I struggled, I just couldn't bring myself to say I Love You to him anymore especially since he took it as more than how I meant it.

"Not as much as him though."

" Not the same way. I, love him the way," I paused but stupidly admitted this out loud, "a wife should love her husband."

"You should not have agreed to wed me then."

"But we do belong together, we're the same."

"We are but you should marry him if you love him. I know he's attached to you and you to him. If I knew that was positive I would have never asked to marry you. I mean I had an idea but I trusted you." He said so angry.

"I'm sorry I did this to you."

"It's okay. At least I have my life now, thanks to you." I smiled because I did save his life, by telling Aro he was no threat. The Volturi would have killed him otherwise, especially since he was Joham's son.

"They're sending me to find my father. We're going to put a stop to his breeding. Jane told me now that you must fish for the people."

I heard him, but I was too focused on my own thoughts. _What was I going to do now? What were these experiments the Volturi were going to do with me? Why have they been visiting me since I was a child? What do they really want with me? And there's no way in hell, I was going to lure people to their death. But I had to…_

I had to keep my Jacob safe so I lied and pretended to love Nahuel. But I would do anything it took to keep Jacob safe and alive, at this point I guess it meant even taking human lives. They send Nahuel away, now I will have to fish for their food, unless I found someone to replace me. I could do that.

I've practically held the gun to Nahuel's head, just for my own selfish purpose. He was a good man and I used him but I did save his life.

"I've been so selfish." I muttered to myself, "I'm going to hell."

_CHAPTER 35 preview Jacob's POV_

"_Jake, I know this is hard on you." Edward said to me understandingly._

_"I appreciate your empathy but you really don't Edward. This is history repeating itself, to see someone I love hitched to some guy. But the second time around hurts a hundred times more. Damn it! She hardly knows him."_

_"She didn't marry him." Bella said. _

"_She didn't?" I asked. _

"_She couldn't not in front of so many that were against it and she said she couldn't unless you were there."_

"_But I was there."_

"_Well, she said she was going to get married in Argentina. She wanted it to be just her and Nahuel and she promised to inform us on the marriage."_

"_So she might _not_ be married?"_


	37. Chapter 35 I Don't Care

**Authors Note: Dang, I've been re-reading my chapters and my spelling and grammar is horrible. I'm sorry I hope it wasn't to distracting.**

**In this chapter, we're about to find out how Jake could actally let Ness go and why he left her wedding. We'll be diggin deeper into his mind so pay close attention. He'll talk about memories he and Renesmee had since she came back Alaska. Memories that Renesmee didn't notice. **

**I own nothing but the plot... R&R R&R R&R R&R.**

HAPPY READING!

* * *

**PART III**

**Chapter 35- I don't care to be Alpha I just want my Renesmee…**

JACOB'S POV

Renesmee's wedding nearly killed me. I simply showed up to show her, I supported her and that I loved her. I had to let her go like any good imprintee would do. Ultimately, who she wanted to be with was her decision, just like Edward, Bella and I had conversed about. I should have never freakin promised to wait until she sixteen to show any of my true affections and it was even stupider to promise to never make a move on her unless she felt the same.

I felt cheated becasue I never had the chance. Maybe if I had told her about the imprint she would have changed her mind, and recognized that she loved me also. But if she didn't love me before I told her about the imprint, what makes me think she would feel different after? I never wanted to persuade her decision and I didn't because she love me on her own terms. We were past that now, she chose Nahuel. Her own kind.

Half way through the ceremony I had to leave, I couldn't watch her kiss another man. Plus, I smelt a leech hanging around and I had to handle that. After I killed the woman vamp, I chased the other who escaped. The one I killed was a tall woman from the Volturi I could tell by her grey cape. The other one with the black cape escaped, within a few minutes my pack was there all in there, in wolf form, along with Sam and his pack. It wasn't something I was used to most of the wolves had stopped phasing years ago. Many of them wanted to grow old with their imprints and that was understandable, at least I could say they all held up well. None of them looked a day over twenty-five still.

The murmuringand conversation churning about in my brain became louder as I came back near the old treaty lines, that no one really payed attention to anymore.

_Damn will you guys just leave me alone, please just for today!_ I shouted at each of them mentally.

_Dude don't be so dramatic. _Paul replied, jokingly. But I really wasn't in the mood for sarcasm. Particularly my brother-in-law's smart ass comments.

_Wait Paul, how can I hear you? _How was that possible? Since me and Sam had separate packs I could only hear Sam's thoughts Alpha to Alpha. Why was I hearing Paul? He stopped phasing three years ago after he and Rachel got married.

_Sam has to talk to you Jacob. _Leah informed.

_About? _I questioned.

_He asked me to tell you to meet him at his house, that's it_. Leah said_. I see you handled whoever was lurking about. Is there anything else you need? _

_No, no. _I said then Leah disappeared. She hadn't stopped phasing, she was proud to be the Beta.

_How was the wedding? _I asked who ever was listening.

_Who knows, we all left. _Brady informed.

_We smelt a vampire but you seemed to have handled it ._Jared then was in my mind also_. _

_Jake can I get back to Claire or do you need me here? _Quil wondered.

_I don't care, whoever wants to go back to the wedding just go! _I could feel a few presences leave.

Embry began to talk again,_ Man, how could you just sit back and let your imprint marry another guy?_

_Embry leave me alone, it's what she wanted. _I said sternly.

_I could never let Kim just marry another man, and I couldn't be there supporting her, the way you did. _Jared added.

_Shut up Jared, leave Jake alone. _Seth spoke up. _Jake we all left we couldn't watch her marry him._

I was irritated by them._ You all left she's going to be upset that you guys left._

Paul said,_ Hey we all love Renesmee, like a sister but you're our brother first._

_We can't support that marriage._ Embryspoke. _She belongs with you. But that's my own opinion. _

_Hey can I go? _Paul asked.

_Yes, Paul you don't have to ask me, you should be with my sister right now. (_Rachel had been depressed since she miscarried.)

_Jacob you have to go talk to Sam. _Seth urged.

_Where is he?_

_At his house._

After going to Sam's he informed me he had stepped down as Alpha and now I was the only Alpha. He said it had always rightfully been my position and he couldn't phase anymore, he needed to stay with Emily and their two children.

I didn't know what to do, with the information that I was now the only Alpha, that I was in charge, I don't want to be. One false decisions could cause devistation and it was on my shoulders. This is when I needed Ness, to keep me level headed. Right now I just needed privacy and Renesmee. So I took the only thing I could have. Privacy.

All I could do was leave. I left Leah, in charge as temporary Alpha, at least until I returned.

**Five Weeks Later.**

I tried to go wolf, like I had when Bella had decided to marry Edward. It was difficult. I hadn't seen anyone in over a month, or had a decent meal in a weeks either. I missed Renesmee's tenth birthday, we were going to go camping just me and her. That's all she wanted for her birthday, just to be alone with me.

She was constantly on my mind. I had hoped that if she didn't choose me, the imprint would just fade but it didn't. Which led me to believe she wasn't through with me in anyway, shape or form.

After, thirty six days of loathing and self pity, I figured it was time to head home handle things within the pack and get my life on track. I couldn't' make my father go through this again, my pack didn't deserve it either. I told myself I had a future that was coming whether I wanted it to or not. I've been looking around at houses, Esme was always calling me so she could take me to look at them. I;m glad she always found affordable one's. Run down dumpy houses were the only ones I could afford. I've been saving up now for seven years, enough to pay off a $100,000 house. Perhaps, I would invest in the shop I used to work at. I quit two days after Renesmee left, which was a bit rash but I'm sure they would take me back. If not I could always work a Quiluete Nation.(It's real Google it)

And I felt even optimistic, that there was someone out there for me that I could spend my life with. Sure I would never love her as much as Renesmee but I want to be happy and I will spend the rest of my life trying to be. I can't spend eternity feeling sorry for myself, just because I lost out on the love of my life, and her mother before her.

I planned to go see my father but somehow I ended up at the Cullen's homestead. I knocked at the Cullen's door, hoping Renesmee would be home. But I wasn't sure if she had come back from her honeymoon.

I got straight to the point when Edward opened the the door. "Do you care if I stay the night here?"

"Where have you been?" Edward pondered.

"I've needed some time alone. Now can I stay here or not?"

"Why?" He questioned letting me in the cottage.

"I got into a huge argument with my dad." Clearly I lied and Edward knew._ I just need to be here tonight, please._

_"_Why?"

_To be surrounded by... Her._

"What are you two talking about?" Bella wondered as she walked and grabbed Edward's hand. I was so glad I was over Bella.

"He wants to stay in Nessie's room, he misses her." After he informed Bella, he turned back to me,"Jake, I know this is hard on you." Edward said to me understandingly.

"I appreciate your empathy but you really don't Edward. This is history repeating itself, to see someone I love hitched to some guy. But the second time around hurts more."

After a quick pause I shouted "Damn it! She hardly knows him."

I nearly broke down in tears for the first time since Renesmee left Forks. In the last month it was hard to cry especially since I had been in wolf form, but I still held on to that hope I had found, for whatever reason.

"She didn't marry him." Bella said.

That was why I felt so hopeful, she wasn't married and I still had a chance, the next time I see her I need to tell her that I love her. "Wait, she didn't marry him?" I asked.

"She said she couldn't, not in front of so many that were against it. I think the fact that a majority of the pack left in the middle of the ceremony hurt her feelings."

"I know, it must have crushed her, she loves them so much. What's she doing then and where is she?"

" Well, she said she was going to get married in Argentina. She wanted it to be just her and Nahuel and she promised to inform us on the marriage."

"So she is married?"

"I'm unsure, she hasn't given us a call or written an e-mail or letter in three weeks." Bella spoke sadly.

Even sadder I stated,"I miss her."

" She'll be back soon." Bella tried to reassure me with a hug but it didn't work.

"She's been gone five weeks, I don't think she's coming back.I can't believe she never said goodbye."

"She didn't say goodbye to anyone, she doesn't like goodbye," Bella told me as if I didn't know.

" Maybe if you came to visit us sooner, you would have gotten the letter she wrote you." Edward said, so smug but it didn't really phase me, I was to depressed to even care about his mocking remarks.

"She left a note?"

"Yes," Bells smiled as she ran to her room and back to the entry way of the cottage that we were still standing in.

She handed me an envelope. I opened the, rectangular antique white envelope that simple read: To Jake.

_Jacob, my Jacob,_

_You mean more to me than I could ever express. I really wish you understood me, my thoughts, and my decisions, the way I understand yours, or at least I like to believe I do. Remember, you will always be my Jacob, my best friend, and I will always be your Nessie. I will love you for all eternity._

_Love Always and forever, _

_Renesmee Black. x0x0_

My eyes watered but I wasn't going to let Edward or Bella see me cry, I had to much pride at the moment. Since, Renesmee left, it felt like pride was the only thing I had been left with.

" I just thought she'd say bye to me in person." I blubbered folding the letter slipping it into my khaki shorts, that needed to be washed.

"Sorry," Edward said patting me on the shoulder, "but you can stay here tonight."

"Thanks."

Bella interrupted, "And I promise Edward won't be listening to your thoughts."

"I would really appreciate that Ed."

"No problem." He agreed leaving the entry way and parting from the foyer of the cottage.

"I'll shield you as long as I can." Bella informed me and I was thankful that I wouldn't have to try hard to mind my own personal thoughts.

"Thanks Bella."

"Good Night Jake." She offered a hug and a kiss on the cheek. As she walked away she said, "You need to cut your hair, Renesmee likes it short."

"Night, Bella."

It was hard to look into Bella's eyes when they so much reminded me of Nessie. I made my way to her room. Observing the burnt orange walls and cream curtains I have been through one too many times. Everything was neatly placed in its appropriate spot. Her bed was made with the quilt that was made for her second birthday. It had wolves on it. The painting Alice had given her for her fifth birthday hung over her desk. I looked at her graduation cap that hung over the bedpost and remembered her graduation day. I saw the picture off her and I at prom in a frame on th wall.

On prom night I had stayed over, we slept for a total of an hour that night. We decided to hunt but she wasn't thirsty considering she took a swag of my blood when she thought I was fast asleep. She still had her white art deco inspired dress on, (Link on profile) her hair was still done up and a bright red rose behind her ear. The way she looked in that white dress blew my mind. I on the other hand was still in the most uncomfortable monkey suit ever! I didn't mind I spent the whole night pretending it was our wedding night. Her in the white dress me in the tux.

Since we couldn't get any sleep and she didn't want to hunt, we walked through Hoh Rain Forest. We just hiked at human pace barefoot until we reached First Beach and watched the sunrise. _Then,_ it seemed everything was going to be okay and fall into place. I should have known better.

Everything seemed so empty and hollow without her here. Though, it seemed like she had never left. A pair of dirty sneakers rested under bed, not strategically placed but tossed as if she had just taken them off. I looked over to the night stand she had always kept her jewelry on.

The night before her wedding we had the argument about her marring Nahuel, Renesmee ran into the bathroom and I grabbed the ring off that exact night stand, right after I had somewhat expressed the love _we_ had for each other. I wanted to give back to her, I wanted to place it on her finger ask her to be with me and not Nahuel but before I had the chance, she wanted me gone.

Actually, I denied her after we kissed. _Gosh that kiss, was? I don't even have word, I sure didn't' feel that with Bella_. It left me completely oblivious to the world. While Renesmee and I kissed, I became focused on what I had promised Edward and Bella. The promise to never make a move on Ness until she was sixteen, to never show her those feelings unless she felt the same. What sucked was I felt that she loved me the same way I loved her , but when I asked if she loved me, she said no. Why I had sworn to never do anything with her until she was sixteen years old, was beyond me. It was a thing I mentally complained about constantly.

I never got to explain myself to her but she clearly expressed we were no more than friends, friends with benefits I guess. She just wanted her first kiss and that was it? I took off astonished with the ring I made myslelf still hand. I dropped it when I phased. Not caring at the moment but the next morning I went to look for it. I would keep it as a memory of what we once had.

I couldn't understand why she would still want me there, at her wedding. I almost felt used by this beautiful girl, well woman. I've never felt so vulnerable in my life.

When I did find the ring, I placed it on a extra long chain that hung around my neck. Running around wolf form with it wasn't safe, I was scared I would lose it. After wearing it a few days, it just brought back the memory of her, a painful memory. So I left it in a drawer in my room.

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**CHAPTER 36 preview**

Stepping into that room, it still heavily smelt like her, nothing had changed. I bet not a single soul has been in here since she left. As I walked over to window, I stepped on something. Under my foot, I found a book lying on the ground. She must have dropped it before she left. I opened the first page of the brown leather book, neatly written in it was _The thoughts of Renesmee Cullen. _

I thought I knew everything about Renesmee but apparently not. I never knew she kept a journal.

**What could be in her diary? Dun Dun Dun!**


	38. Chapter 36 She Lied

**Authors Note: Gosh I did it again! I wanna cry. I would have posted earlier today but I accidently deleted this chapter and I had to re-write it =( It was a hundred times better. This one's just mediocre but it's vital to the story. **

**I gotta say if a story makes you smile, angry or anxious it must be a pretty damn good story. I hope my story makes you feel that way.**

**R&R ENJOY!**

**Chapter 36 She lied**

Stepping into that room, it still heavily smelt like her, nothing had changed. I bet not a single soul has been in here since she left. As I walked over to window, I stepped on something. Under my foot, I found a book lying on the ground. She must have dropped it before she left. I unbound it and opened the first page of the green leather book, neatly written in it was _The thoughts of Renesmee Cullen. _(Link on Profile)

As I lied on the bed, the perfume of Renesmee released and hit me in the face. Trying hard not to remember that she had gone, I open the journal. Flipping through it I scanned a couple of entries. Some made me smile such as memories of me and her at First Beach when she had expressed her love to me as a child. Fishing with Charlie and my dad. The night of Charlie's wedding she asked me to marry her. The journal said if we were married we could be with her best friend forever. How she couldn't sleep well without me, because I kept her warm and how much she enjoyed going on weekend patrols with the pack. She wrote about how our friendship meant more to her than anything in the world. How much she hated Alaska and she was getting sick of crying herself to sleep.

As I read it I saw that I was in most of her entries and every problem or concern she had was about me and if it wasn't I had heard about it. I assumed her attachment to me was the imprint, she couldn't help it. The thing was she had expressed herself to me just as if I was her journal. She was always open and honest with me and here I was lying about my feeling, or at least not admitting to them. I was lying about the imprint and maybe if I told her she would feel the same.

Nope, no such luck, if she didn't love me before I told her about the imprint, what makes me believe she's feel any different after.

Most entries were of her desire to be fully human or fully vampire and even more so a wolf, like me and the pack. How she longed for love and somewhere to belong.

I then realized she did belong with Nahuel, with her own kid. It was something she had been adamant about for the last couple of months. Was I really made for her or was I just meant to protect her? She was my imprint, weren't we meant to be together? Isn't she my soulmate?

Instead of questioning myself on questions I currently had zero answers to, I scanned through more but eventually made my way to the end. Hopefully, I could find out information about this Nahuel or even some insight on why she would use me the way she did.

Edward said Nahuel's truly loved her and his thoughts were mostly pure. Which made me want to kill the guy each time I saw him. It reminded me of that Josh guy she went on a date with, I just wanted to clobber him. With both Nahuel and Josh she asked if I was alright with it. Of course I had to be, let her experience a couple of losers until she could see how perfect I was for her. With Josh I knew it was nothing but with Nahuel, I thought she wanted to get to know her kind, not get engaged to the guy. Each time I saw them together I wanted to walk straight up to her and kiss her, to tell her there's no one better for her than me, but I promised I'd never make a move. (Chapter 5)

I came so close to on telling her on prom night, when we lied in her bed but she didn't feel the same. Ness was so forward about most topics I didn't think this would be any different. And the night I had explained to her that we were the same(Chapter 24)I wanted to tell her, it's the first time I felt she had some wort of feelings to reciprocate to me. The thing that backed that up, was how she even mentioned children, as 'our' children. I felt completely peppy when she said 'our' children and even happier when she asked me not to speak badly about them. She would be an amazing mother. But she explained her fears about bareness and I felt disheartened but I would always love her no matter what. Sure, I wanted children but I wanted Renesmee more.

I forced myself to forget that night though, I tried clout all my good memories of her. It was difficult considering that all our memories together were good, with the exception of the night before her wedding. Another bad thing was the fact that she was with Nahuel somewhere, hurt.

When Nessie came back to Forks she quit writing for whatever reason, but recently she had written a few passages.I continued to read her diary.

_~August 23~_

_We fought, again. This wasn't like any other fight we've ever had. I've never seen him so...angry. He even threatened to involuntarily phase because of me. He's upset and I can't take it when he's hurt. Especially when I am the reason he's offended or wounded or whatever I caused him to feel. _

_Maybe, if I had left when I was a child like Jane suggested, I wouldn't be so attached to Jake. But I can't turn back time. _

_After the confrontation with Jane I knew I had to marry Nahuel, he was a pawn to get me out of Forks safely with no questions. If I didn't go to the Volturi, she would harm my Jacob and my pack. I realized I had to keep him alive. I understood now, why he said he would kill for me. I would kill for him too, I have before. Not sure if Aro was going to like the fact that I killed Demetri but he would had killed Jacob, so I had to. By marrying Nahuel I will keep that from ever happening. _

_The good that will come out of this, is- I'll be gone but I know he'll be alive and safe. I'm leaving so I WILL never have to see him in pain. All I want for him is to be happy. _

_~August 24~_

_Tomorrow, I will be married. I will be Mrs. Renesmee Cullen. There's no way I'm taking the name Ramierez. Mrs. Nahuel Ramierez, Renesmee Ramierez, too weird, plus, I love my family to much to give my name up. _

_I never could picture any man standing with me at the alter, except one. The rare times he would wait for me after school I would always imagine I was walking down the aisle to marry him.. After graduation, I realized it wasn't normal to picture you friend as your husband. To be honest no one has those thoughts about someone they should see as only a friend. Something clicked, I knew I wanted him to be more than a friend but clearly he doesn't want the same things as I. I wanted his children, but God prefers otherwise. I am now barren. I wanted to be his and I wanted him to be mine, forever and I couldn't have that. I love him. More than I should. I could never act on it though because he would just die. _

_Once daddy said momma was like his drug, he needed her. But I don't feel that for him. For me he is my sun, my moon and my stars. He's the land I live on and the nature I admire. He's the blood I survive on and the air I breathe. He's the only reason I exist. He means more to me than I ever noticed._

_Love,had always been just a simple word, Right? It was as if love had just been a four letter word, then he had come along and given it a meaning. _

_Renesmee, You are so STUPID! I hope next time you read this, you tear it out of this damn Journal!!! _

_Besides all this drama, I had that stupid dream!_ _That DAMN dream changed everything. (_Chapter 28 _) The dream where I thought I was his wife and I had his children. I was blissfully living in a perfect world, the world I longed to live in, only to find out I was just the baby sitter. I wished I was full vampire, so I could never sleep, so I could never dream. Dreams never come true only nightmares. _

_~August 25~_

_Goodbye to my childhood, Goodbye to my freedom, Goodbye to Forks, Goodbye to my Jacob. _

August 25 was her wedding day and they way she wrote about that day, she didn't seem content.

Something's made sense, like why she was so concerned about me when she little. Like at Strawberry Bay and when she was hidden in the forest during Charlie and Sue's wedding reception. I remember how she said she would be in major trouble if she ever told anyone about what she saw. Why I overlooked it, was stupid. The way she acted now made sense, always attached to me, always asking if I was safe.

At least she wrote about me, but who was this guy she was in love with? Someone who went to her school? A guy that could die, human no doubt. Why didn't she picture herself being my wife? Not some random guy that went to school with her. She could fancy about having his kids, just like she had apparently imagined kids with me. It just didn't make sense that she could imagine us having kids but not us being married. It confused me and pissed me off at the same time.

I came out of Nessie's room to inform Bella as to why she wanted to marry Nahuel and why she left. I ran about the cottage but neither Bella or Edward were there. I ran to Carlisle's where I suspected everyone was, with the journal in hand. I had to tell Bella why she wanted to marry him. Oh and that she was with the Volturi.

"Bella...Bella!" I shouted walking through the front door.

"Jake, Jacob! What is it? What's wrong?" Bella ran to me concerned with one hand over her chest.

I looked her dead in the eyes and said, "She only married Nahuel to keep me and the pack safe."

"What?" she asked shaking her head so confused.

"It's in her journal."

"She has a journal?" she frowned eyeing the green book in my hands.

"Here." I opened the journal and pointed at the entry.

"And she's in love." I said disappointed as I watched her start to read.

With her head still down at the book, she eyed me smiling, "With who?"

"I don't know some guy from her high school," I admitted angrily.

"Oh." She was puzzled looking back at the journal.

"She's with the Volturi Bella!" I exclaimed pacing in tiny circles in front of Bells. I felt the sweat begin to form on my forehead and my breathing was becoming difficult.

"Edward! Edward!" She yelled out for her husband. Instantly he was by her side. The she enlightened him on on some crucial info, "Jane was here."

"Jane." He said with a snarl and flared nostrils.

"Read this." Bella said handing him the journal. She rubbed her face and began pacing as I was. Edward read pressing his fingertips through his hair.

With a sarcastic chuckle she said, "My little Nudger is a little liar."

"She lied to us." Edward said with raised eyebrows. We were all surprised Renesmee would never lie to us.

"Yeah and she lied good." Bella disclosed also running her fingertips through her long hair.

As I marched around agitated watching them stand there and do _nothing_, I said,"I have to go get her."

"Wait, wait why was Jane here?" Alice barged into the conversation.

I turned to Alice . "The Volturi came and left often, but we've had new scents. Usually they come from the east or southeast. Now they've been coming from the north." I began pacing the room again, worried.

"Renesmee, is trying to keep you alive, which is why she was going to marry Nahuel?" Edward wondered as he continued reading. I felt like my arms were going numb, I began moving my hands and arms to hopefully get the feeling back. I felt week and sick to my stomach. Watching as they read Ness's journal guilt set in. I should have given them the journal. It was Renesmee's personal thoughts. How could I have done that when she tried so hard not to let Edward hear her thoughts.

"Alice how did this get past you?" Edward asked handing the journal back over to me.

"I don't know, I can't see anything that has to do with Ness, but I've been keeping an eye on the Volturi, they're no threat to us. I have no clue as to why Ness lied I have no idea what the Volturi would want with her?"

"To be their pet, part of their collection." Edward crisply verbalized.

"What if they're just waiting for us?" Alice said, "could they be?" Alice stood there staring blankly through me.

"So let's go to Italy." Bella said, "Let's go get her."

"They're not in Italy." Alice said disillusioned.

How could Nahuel let her go to the freaking Volturi!? What did they want with her? I kept pacing around the house thinking. Where were the Volturi if they weren't in Italy?

Boo!!!! I am so t-off-ed about accidently deleting the original. Hopefully the next chapter makes up for this horrible one.

Chapter 37 preview

_"I don't care why or how they're in Russia I just want to go get her and bring her home safe." I said walking out the front door._

_"He's right," Leah said._

"_Everyone get their things ready we're going to Russia." Carlisle informed everyone."Jacob, who are you bringing with you?"_

"_Seth and Leah."_

"_No, Seth is staying here."_

"_Leah?"_

"_Seth, no Jacob you sould take Embry and Quil. I and Seth will hang back and watch La Push."_

"_Okay."_


	39. Chapter 37 Let's Go!

**Authors Note: This is going to make up for the last chapter I hope. **

**We are gonna start to see the sexual tension that Jacob's been feeling. I've don't this the classiest way possible. **

**Please Review... **

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CHAPTER -37- Let's Go!

By now the entire family had gathered in the kitchen, trying to figure out where the Volturi were. Alice couldn't see them therefore we had no leads as to where to go. We could go to Volterra but Alice was sure that they weren't there and I wasn't going to bet against the little pixie.

Esme attempted to feed me, many times but I couldn't think of food at the moment. Renesmee was in the care of the Volturi and it freaked me out. I called Leah instantly.

Frantically I called out, "Leah, Leah!" over the phone.

"Jacob, it's flippin midnight," she paused and then asked, "Wait when did you get back to town?"

"It doesn't matter. Now listen Renesmee's missing."

"What do you mean missing? Where could she have gone?" she asked worried.

"I don't know where she went, she's with those damn bloodsuckers from Italy."

"Why?"

"To save my life or some bulls*** like that, I guess."

"Well, they're from Italy right? So go to Italy, bring her home and let me sleep,"

"They're not in Italy."

A heard a ruffling on the other line. Leah huffed, "Hold on are you at the Cullen's?"

"Yes."

"I'll be there in a few, do you want me call anyone?"

I was glad for Leah right now. When Ness wasn't here to calm me, Leah did so. Usually I was pretty put together with my tactics and reasoning but when it came to Renesmee, I couldn't think straight not matter how hard I tried. Leah always put me back in line. Even when Ness was little I got a little confused but it's been magnified more since she had came back from Alaska. Things were ten times more complicated since her beautiful face stuck in my mind, more often.

The day I saw her in Alaska, everything changed. She was no longer Nessie the little girl but Renesmee the grown woman. I instantly became attracted to her. For the first time, I had thought of her sexually and inappropriately. Edward didn't like it at all. She wasn't of age yet, though. She was only eight, physically eighteen or nineteen when I saw her that evening. She wasn't literally sixteen yet! Which drove me up a wall. How could I have those feelings for her so soon? At that moment I saw her, if it was possible she meant more to me than before.

The short childhood she had flickered in my memory. Every time I cracked a joke or attempted to, her eyes would squint together and creases would appear. Her nose would crinkle together and she would try her hardest not to laugh. Sooner or later she would give in a giggle and if not I would tickle her. Her intelligence never intimidated me because she never flaunted it but I would get relevant information if the subject came up.

The way she said Quo Quowle to me for the first time, sent tingles up and down my spine and she was only nineteen months old physically three. Even as a little girl she would tap her tiny fingers when she was anxious. She did it unconsciously because every time she did it, I would point it out to her and she would stop. It reminded me of my mother, she used to so the same thing.

Dismal emotions boiled inside me when I remembered my mother but then I pictured Ness. I contemplated how mature she had gotten from her days in Port Angeles. She had developed in those two years she was away, so fast. I smirked to myself remembering her toothy grin each time she saw me as a child then as a grown-up. She was similar but different in many ways. She was still curious as she was in adolescence. Even in her youth she was strong willed, kind, calm and even nurturing. Now she was the same just physically older. She still tried hard not to laugh at my jokes and if not I would tickle her, just like I used to. But when we did this now I could feel a sexual tension bubbling in me.

She scowled more in the last month than I've ever witnessed and that mild pleat between her brows was more prominent. Her skinny body had grown curves in all the appropriate places. Areas I couldn't help but gaze at occasionally. Every time I was too close to her or she grabbed a hold of my hand I could feel pressure below my waist. It was an aggravation I could never relieve, at least not the way I wanted. Each time she grabbed a hold of my hand or leaned her head against me shoulder I could feel the dirty sensation and thoughts seep back into the caverns of my mind. When I would stay the night, those feelings were a hundred times worse.

Sleep overs weren't uncommon when she came back from Alaska. We had many when she was young, the only difference from then and now was she was developed and I wanted to show her just how much I really loved her. I couldn't imagine how Edward let me stay the night with the thoughts that were in my mind. Each and every time we did so, she would fall asleep in my arms and many thoughts were in my mind. There were times though I couldn't help my thoughts. In her insomniac state she would pull me closer to her body, nuzzle her head against my chest and kiss it. Commonly, she would place one of her legs over my torso and she would pull me so close to her that I could feel her pelvic bone rub against my hip bone. It turned me on in ways you wouldn't believe. She would stir and wake as I pretended to be asleep.

Almost each time we were in a bed together she would try to ensure that I was asleep so she could take a quick nip at me. She would sink her teeth into wherever she wanted, my wrist, my arm, my torso. She knew I would heal in the matter of minutes. Sometimes she would bite into my neck or inner thigh that it was so difficult to not become stiff, if you know what I mean. Luckily, she never caught me having one. If I could feel myself begin to harden I would let her finish, then head off to the bathroom. She would take quick swigs of my blood that never lasted longer than five seconds. Each time she would stop and lightly kiss where she had just pierced the skin and try to get sleep.

I thought about it often, the pack thought it was disgusting. I didn't though. I could never deny her something that she craved so badly, so I never stopped her and never thought about it being disgusting.

Leah's voice then pierced my thoughts, "Hello, Jacob? JAKE!"

"What, what?"

"Do you want me to bring any of the pack?"

"Bring Seth, Embry and Quil oh see if Brady and Collin can come too, actually no just Quil, Embry and Seth. Uh, I don't care."

Within twenty minutes they were all there. Esme, of course, offered food and none of them turned it down except Leah. The corners of her mouth were turned down, with her arms crossed. Her eyes gazed intently at the ground, even though she wouldn't want to admit it, I knew Leah was concerned.

Alice sat on the corner with her legs crossed and Jasper stood next to her. Rosalie and Bella cleaned the already spotless kitchen, with the exception my pack was making. Esme ran about doing random chores inside and out. Carlisle, Edward and Emmett went upstairs to see if they could contact any of their allies, that had helped us years ago. Hopefully, one of them knew where the Volturi had gone.

"The Volturi," Alice grunted leaping of the counter and walking across the kitchen, " I can't see them they're to fuzy."

"Can you see Nessie?" Rosalie asked.

"I never really could in the first place."

"Well TRY TRY!" I yelled.

"Jazz can you calm him down?" Alice closed her eyes and pressed her index and middle fingers to her temples.

"Yeah." I could tell Jasper did as she asked because I felt a sudden urge to relax, so I did so.

"Where could she be?" Bella questioned, with puffy eyes. It was strange to see, she looked as if she had been crying but no tears had left her eyes. For as long as she has been a vampire, it was still hard to get used to..

"I don't know." I said.

"Maybe she's on her way here." Embry said with half a sandwich rolling around in his mouth.

Seth smacked him in the back of the head and Quil just stated, "Wishful thinking."

We all lingered in the Cullen's modern kitchen when we heard the front door slam shut, we all turned to only find Esme with stack of mail. All we could do was stare at Alice and wait to see if she could have a glimpse of Ness.

"She's-" Alice began, "somewhere with churches, many churches and cathedrals, red brick, there's a river."

Alice kept talking and stumbled over her words. But with her eyes squeezed shut, she continued, " there's a powder blue room, the countryside." Everyone intently listened.

"She's in Russia." Esme stated. Everyone turned their gaze to Esme who was holding a letter.

"Russia?" I wondered walking over to her, she handed me a letter from Nahuel. The envelope had been processed in Moscow a week ago. It read that the Volturi planned to kill all the half-breeds because they have become out of control in South America. He and Renesmee went to the Volturi to sort things out. He was assigned to go to South America Blah Blah Blah. He carried on about himself and I didn't care why he was going back to Argentina. The Volturi wanted to kill all half breeds and Ness was one of them.

I began to freak out immediately.

"What is she doing in Russia?" Leah asked.

Bella wondered, "How the Volturi is in Italy."

"No, She's with the Volturi." I said as I read the letter, "Alice said her vision if the Volturi was fuzy and only I or Renesmee does that to her vision's we need to go to Russia."

"He's right we have to go to Russia." Esme said taking off upstairs to inform Carlisle.

Stupidly Rosalie opened her damn mouth, "Why is she in Russia though?"

"That's where the Volturi is, don't you f****n listen! Now stop wasting time, Nessie's in trouble." I stated outraged, grabbing the green journal. I threw the letter to the floor and began walking out of the kitchen and towards the front door.

"Listen you damn mutt!" she said angrily as she followed me through the house.

"Wow! Congratulations you used all the words you know in one sentence!" I turned and shouted at her.

She stopped dead in her tracks with a saddened face, " You're not the only one here that loves Ness."

"I know I'm not, but if there's a word that means beyond love, that's how I feel about her. I may literally die if I lose her. I won't lose her. I can't."

"Ha." Rosalie mocked. I looked around to see everyone standing around us.

"I don't know what'll I do if she dies." I almost broke down in tears, but unexpectedly Rosalie walked over to me and hugged me. After she hugged me, I did break down.

What if the Volturi had killed her already? I couldn't bear the thought of a world without her. I thought about it, and then I spoke with tears trickling down my face, "What if they killed her already? I can't live in a world where she doesn't exist."

"Jacob calm down she'll be alright." Alice said so sure of herself.

"How do you know you've never been able to see past me or the rest of the pack."

"I know, but I've been trying really hard to see Ness' since the day she was born and after a decade I can see her, barely. It's more like fuzz on the television you can't see but you can hear the voice and emotions, which is more than it's ever been and she's hurting Jacob, she wants you."

"We have to go to her we have to go now." I said as I kept walking through the house to the front door.

Carlisle, Edward and Emmett walked down the stairs having their own conversation that I eavesdropped on. Carlisle stated," This doesn't sound like Ness though she would never have brought Nahuel, considering how much she loved him she'll never put anyone she loves in danger."

"She would put her own life in harm's way before ever sacrificing Jacob's," Edward said then turned to me.

He noticed I had been crying.

"You read her journal. She's doing all of this, because she loves you." Edward said so certain.

Bella added, "Yeah and for some reason she thinks she has to suffer for true love."

"Why would Nahuel go with her though?" Emmett asked.

I knew why. So I said, "Because he loves her, like all of us."

"Nahuel said she was on a personal business trip and he was following her." Esme informed everyone as I turned back to the letter and re-read it.

"How did Renesmee find the Volturi in Russia though?" Leah asked.

Quil and Embry looked at each other dumb founded they were lost. Seth listened closely to what we all were saying.

"I don't care why or how they're in Russia I just want to go get her and bring her home safe." I said walking out the front door.

"He's right," Leah said.

"Everyone get their things ready we're going to Russia." Carlisle informed everyone."Jacob, who are you bringing with you?"

I was standing on the porch when I said, "Seth and Leah."

Leah coldly said, "No, Seth is staying here."

"Leah?" Seth whined.

" Jacob you should take Embry and Quil. I and Seth will hang back and watch La Push."

"Whatever you want, I don't care I have to go."

"Jacob take my car." Carlisle said handing me his keys. "Don't forget your passport and id's."

I agreed and headed home. I collected my things and gave myself a haircut, since Renesmee liked my hair short.

I went back to the Cullen's and we were on our way…

_

* * *

_

Chapter 38 Preview

_She stepped in the room, looking more human than ever. Her skin was no longer glowing the way it used to, it was dull and breaking out. There were dark circles under her eyes, darker than I've ever seen. Behind all the imperfection, she was still perfect to me, she was beautiful still. We made brief eye contact but she shifted her eyes down ward after seeing her entire family there. I studied her face, it read shame and embarrassment. She attempted to turn and walk out of the room but that Jane, had made sure she stayed._


	40. Chapter 38 We Found Her!

**Authors Note: We're coming to an end, soon and very soon Ness and Jacob will finally be together!**

**This chapter will be split into two parts. Imprinting gets brought up, they struggle to find Nessie. Then find her but what has happened to her?**

**Oh and I fixed Chapter 36, if you would like to re-read but it's really no different just cleaned up a bit. **

**Reviews? Maybe? Maybe Not?**

**Enjoy!**

**CHAPTER -38- We Found Her!**

We finally arrived at the Seattle airport after a two hour drive. I was going insane wondering and thinking about Renesmee. Was she safe? Was she married? Was she alive?

We boarded the plane and because it was last minute, all of us got separated. Except me, I wish I was alone, so I could think and pray that Renesmee was alive, and not married. I rested my head against the uncomfortable pleather seat, I stared out the tiny port hole window watching the sun begin to rise, it reminded me of Renesmee. From a plane it looked completely different than what I was used to. You could see the sun and the dark starry sky but between were the colored of the rainbow; I never expected it to look any different from this view. It was like the way I saw Renesmee. She has always been beautiful just as a sunrise but from a different view she was even more alluring than before. A sudden pain smack in the middle of my chest ached, I've felt this way sense Ness left. Since, she came back from Alaska I really couldn't go a day without seeing her. And if I did, the empty feeling pain returned.

I thought that I had calmed myself but I felt anxious again. My palms began to sweat and my stomach churned. My foot began to bounce around and I couldn't stop it from shaking. I was nervous and scared. This has to work out, she has to be safe. _It will be fine, she's okay she's safe._ I told myself. But then my pessimism lurked back into my mind_, what if she's dead? They wanted Half-breeds dead, she could be dead. She could be married? _

"Jake, can you calm yourself a bit?" Jasper looked over Alice and asked me. I knew he felt what I felt and it was probably driving him insane.

"No!" I said aloud and freaking peeved that he would even ask such a thing. The people in the row next to us stared at me and I just glared at them.

"Then I'll do it for you." Jasper leaned back and muttered to himself.

Alice slapped Jasper's hand. "Jasper, leave him alone. Jacob, I really do believe everything is going to turnout."

I really can't stand their pestering I wanted to be left alone. In a low grumbled I politely ordered, "Alice don't talk please."

Leaning my head back I closed my eyes and attempted to get my leg to stop shaking but it didn't.

"I will but Jake are you alright? You look kinda sick." Alice asked putting her cold hand on my shoulder then over my forehead.

"I feel kinda sick," I bit my lip trying not to cry. I sucked in a couple of breathes and talked. "She has to be okay. Alice you can't even see her, why you being so calm?"

She and I looked over at Jasper. "Not me," he admitted.

"Alice, you know I love her right?" I tried to collect all my nervousness, frustration and frightfulness in my fists but they were so sweaty that I just grabbed a hold of the arm rests.

"Duh."

"Imagine, if you lost Jasper. No, what if he was helpless and he was being tortured and you couldn't be there to help. How would you feel?" I questioned, I hope that hit a nerve somewhere for her to understand.

So sure of herself she stated, "She's not being tortured Jake."

"You wouldn't know, you can't see her and I feel what she feels." At least I thought I did, my body had been sore for only a three weeks and she's been gone for five. She must have gone to them only a month ago. "I think." I added to my last statement.

"I can't see her but I can see the Volturi. Sure they're fuzzy but for a brief second I swore I saw Ness and she was sad. I just think she misses you. She's been that way with you since she was little."

I huffed to myself staring at the back of the seat; I then noticed I was denting the arm rests so I folded my arms over my chest and let my legs continue to bounce out of nervousness. I felt the cold sweat break across my head.

Then Alice completely changed the subject. "You are going to tell her about the imprint, aren't you?" she directed surprisingly serious.

"No." I spoke quickly.

With a high pitched squeaked she asked, "Why not?"

"Alice, you're annoying him, just leave him be." Jasper interrupted.

"Yeah leave me alone."

"No, I can't understand. After all of this, after nearly losing her, after nearly losing her to Nahuel," she started but I interrupted her.

"She might be married."

"No, she's not. You read her journal she only wanted to marry him to get out of Forks with no question from us, to keep you safe. Come on Jacob, I never knew you were so stupid." I could tell Alice was beginning to get upset with me, but it was none of her business whether or not I told Renesmee about the imprint.

"You know you guys are talking kind of loud?" Embry laughed from the seat behind us.

Completely ignoring him, I spoke softer to Alice, "I can't persuade her decision. I want her to love me on her own terms, not just think she has to love me and I don't want her to think I have to love her, because I don't have to. The imprint was meant to show me who was best for me, it points out the most amazing people to the pack. All the girls have always been so nice and caring…" I didn't know why I was trailing of about that but I got back to the main topic, "…believe me I want to tell her but I want her to, know she loves me. I want her to tell me she loves me. But she doesn't…"

Now she interrupted me, "She does."

I continued, "…not the way I hoped. I asked her if she loved me and she said no. And her journal said she's in love with some guy from her school."

Alice rolled her eyes, "You really are a dumb mutt."

"No, Ness never lies. At least not to me." I was challenging her but she didn't really fight back.

"Are you _ever_ going to tell her?" she wondered.

"I decided a long time ago, I will tell her. After we're married. If we ever make it to that point."

"You will."

" Jacob, she's right you are a dumb mutt." Embry whispered thorough the seats."

After, we landed we knew it would be a struggle to find the Volturi. It was sunny out and the Cullen's had to wait until the clouds came in. After about twenty minutes we left and took a taxi out the square, where the big church was. Renesmee would sure love it. She loved architecture. It was hard to pick up a scent, especially since I couldn't just phase into a wolf in front of thousands of people who hung out in the square. (Link on profile)

Eventually, we caught a scent of some vamp, assuming it was the Volturi we followed until we caught up with it. Carlisle reasoned with him, he told us it was clear in the opposite direction. So we headed west and we wolves had to be on foot.

We followed a scent out to the deserted countryside. By then Quil, Embry and I got to phase. It seemed like a completely different world outside the walls of Moscow. We sniffed around a bit, until I found a mild familiar scent. Eventually her scent was drowned out by more leeches scents. Horrible scents, the Cullen's never smelt like this, not this pungent. Ness's scent was still there though.

_She's here, we found her._ I thought.

_Where the heck are we? _Quil questioned confused.

_Just follow me. _Everyone followed. In the distance I could see a building a larger building. _She has to be there._

I charged towards a giant red brick building, almost castle like. I was a good ten feet in front of everyone. We I made it, I was a bit disheartened. It seemed abandoned, dead, like the countryside. She had to be here, she just had to be here. I followed her scent here.

"Jake are you positive?" Edward asked.

Bella rubbed behind my ears and smiled.

"I never knew you could run that fast." Emmett smiled a bit disappointed that he couldn't pass me up.

I took the clothes from Bella and placed them in my mouth and phased around the side of the building.

Bella and Edward just charged in unannounced while us wolves changed. Everyone followed; Edward, Bella, Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Embry, Quil and myself. Carlisle suggested he handled the Voturi and Edward agree.

"Jacob, keep calm here." Carlisle asked.

"I'll try."

Bella placed her hand on my should, "I can't believe you found them," she wrapped me in a hug, and then broke away, "Jacob they can kill you, please don't act stupid."

"Bella, I still can't believe you have no faith in me."

"I do but when Renesmee's in the situation, you kinda get aggressive."

We walked into the room, I could smell many bloodsuckers around, but they were long gone. There were still a few but not nearly as close as how many there used to be. We ran into a Volturi member, who was on their way down the stairwell. Instantly she froze scared stiff.

"Were the hell's Renesmee?" I stated walking towards her. Suddenly I became calm and prepared for whatever was to happen. Yeah I was aggressive when it came to Renesmee but I didn't get as confused as I thought I did. I knew I would be able to handle myself yes with force but as wisely as I could.

"Uh?" the woman stayed frozen.

"Jacob, what did I just ask you?" Bella whined, peeved I didn't take orders from her. I wonder if she realized that things between us were so different then they were eleven years ago. She was no longer my best friend, she was no longer the most important thing in my life. Ness was my best friend, she was the most important thing in my life. What I felt for Bella never could even compare to what I felt for Renesmee,.

I haven't done what Bella asked me to do in years, but if Ness asked I would do anything that benefited her.

I felt emotions I never knew existed when Renesmee was in the picture. The best way to describe it was like seeing a color you never knew was real, that you never seen. But it was beautiful.

Edward pulled me back and let Carlisle speak, "May we please speak with Aro?"

The lady leech was still frozen stiff as eleven others stared at her. All she did was point to a pair of doors and went back up the stairs. (Link on Profile)

"Ah, Carlisle. My dear friend." Aro said as we walked in. "For what do we owe this visit?"

"Renesmee." I stated seriously looking him dead in the eye.

Bella pushed me. "Shut up Jacob," she whispered. I stared down each one of the Volturi, Somein gray or black most in red. They were the reason Ness was here why she was in pain, I despised each of them. But the look on Aro's face gave me hope. _She's Alive. She's Alive. She's Alive. _I chanted in my head.

"She is." Edward said, and instantly I felt relived, I just wanted to cry.

"I would like to see my Granddaughter." Carlisle, ordered really politely.

"Ah, the Cur." Aro smiled wide, he had a sick perverted smile on his face. Then an image of him, with Renesmee entered my mind. _NO NO she wouldn't she's rather die._

"No, her names Renesmee." Bella said almost as angry as I was.

"What's a Cur?" I asked Esme, who was now at my side behind, Carlisle.

"My mother used to call mixed dogs that, it means mixed breed."

"Go get my dear little Renesmee," he asked another Volturi in a red cloak; it irritated me the way her called her his dear little Renesmee. After he spoke that image popped in my mind again. _NO!_

"Jacob that didn't happen." Edward reassured me.

He asked, "She will be right out, what else would you like?"

"We want to take my daughter home." Edward stated as calmly as Carlisle. How they did it I didn't know.

"She's stays with us," the white blonde bloodsucker spoke. I remembered him, Caius. I eyed him and cocked my head at him, sending false threatening glances. I just wanted to frighten him, and then he removed his eye contact. I was prepared to attack but I couldn't not yet. Not unless they wouldn't hand over Renesmee.

"Exactly." Edward said from behind.

My palms began to sweat again, I just want to see her face. Her beautiful face.

After waiting, you could hear the pitter patter of short stance steps.

She stepped in the room, looking more human than ever. Everyone gasped. I couldn't take my eyes of her, she's never looked so human before. Her skin was no longer glowing the way it used to, it was dull and breaking out. There were dark circles under her eyes, darker than I've ever seen. Behind all the imperfection, she was still perfect to me, she was beautiful still. We made brief eye contact but she shifted her eyes down ward after seeing her entire family there. I studied her face, it read shame and embarrassment. She attempted to turn and walk out of the room but that Jane, had made sure she stayed.

I felt allayed when I saw her, half of my worries were gone. She was alive, now I wondered if she was married or if she had been harmed. "What is she doing here?" I demanded an answer in a much more milder way then I was speaking.

"She has offered to stay, and join." Jane had informed us about false information.

"Renesmee? You want to stay here?" Bella asked saddened.

She spoke still looking down at her feet, "I'm only here to help."

If I really knew Renesmee the way I believed I did, I know that lying to her family was killing her. Watching her lie was the hardest thing to witness.

"She has offered to help research amalgam's." Caius the white blond man said sitting on the old read antique furniture.

"She would never." Alice stated.

Aro verbalized exactly when he knew, "She's never once said she had no desire to be here."

"Have you even asked?" Edward questioned, balling his fists just as I already had mine. He was fighting very hard with his angry, I could tell he wanted to attack.

"Renesmee, do you wish to leave?" Aro turned to her and asked so cocky. Like she would actually say no.

I began to count there weren't many Volturi in the room but that didn't mean there weren't more around. I counted nine and there was eleven of us. If we had to we could handle them quickly, we've handle newborns and they were stronger than older vamps. Shoot! I forgot about the powers some of them have.

I watched Renesmee and noticed her wrist was bright red and bruised. I was shocked I didn't even know she could bruise. My mouth hung agape and she had realized I had seen her wrists and pushed the black sleeve of her cloak down to cover it. Her tiny hands disappeared inside them to and she crossed her arms.

"What's on your wrists?" I asked her worried.

She jerked a bit but straightened back up, almost like she was just tazered or having a seizure.

"Nothing," Her voice cracked. I felt it in my heart, they have been torturing her, they have been.

"Why are you lying?" I tried to ask nicely but it came out very agitated and almost angry.

"I'm not lying." she spoke looking down at the floor. Her head sinking down. Then another jolt came from her.

Rosalie was grunting from behind and Bella was breathing heavily, most likely dry heaving. I really couldn't turn around behind me to take a look, I just couldn't take my eyes of Nessie. It's been to long since I've last seen her.

"Please, please," I begged, "Renesmee we're here to take you home, please don't lie. I'll be safe I'll be fine, I swear to you. I can't die remember. Just tell us what's happening, tell me you want to come home to me, please. Please."

Her brunette head finally lifted, she was biting at her top lip. She was thinking not looking anyone directly, her eyes wondered about. Her fingers flew to her mouth, as her lose sleeve slumped down exposing her arm. You could see the bruising was only on the inside of her arm. She was going to bit on her nails but she instantly pulled away. Then she looked at me and I could see her blood shoot eyes. I had tunnel vision and so did she.

"Please, Quo Quowle, you're my best friend." I began to step forward past Carlisle. She shook her head, not once taking her eyes of me she spoke, " I-" she gulped, "She-" suddenly she fell to the ground. Seizuring and her whole body stiffened. I looked around at what it could be. Just as fast as it happened it had stopped. I looked back at the line of cruel vampires, that Jane was staring intently at Ness with hatred. I knew it was that f****n blonde.

I charged and phased in mid-air, clothes shredding, my shoes ruined. I was prepared to attack that little b****. I could feel Embry and Quil phase but I was going to kill that freaking bloodsucker for putting Renesmee through pain.

_Chapter 38 continued… preview_

_She ran to me, and embraced me in the tightest hug she's ever given me. She repeatedly kissed my neck as she cried. She kissed my chest, cheeks, collarbone and forehead as she still cried. _

"_I missed you, I'm so glad you're alive." She wept taking her black cloak off and throwing it to the wood floors. _


	41. Chapter 38 We Found Her! Continued

**Authors Note: I've had many messages and reviews that hope, I continue my story. Well I'm here to inform you that I could probably expand this story into two sequels maybe three. So there's more to look forward to. Only two chapters left after this, then the sequel! Ignore my grammar and spelling...=)**

**Previously….**

_Her brunette head finally lifted, she was biting at her top lip. She was thinking not looking anyone directly, her eyes wondered about. Her fingers flew to her mouth, as her lose sleeve slumped down exposing her arm. You could see the bruising was only on the inside of her arm. She was going to bit on her nails but she instantly pulled away. Then she looked at me and I could see her blood shoot eyes. I had tunnel vision and so did she._

_"Please, Quo Quowle, you're my best friend." I began to step forward past Carlisle. She shook her head, not once taking her eyes of me she spoke, " I-" she gulped, "She-" suddenly she fell to the ground. Seizuring and her whole body stiffened. I looked around at what it could be. Just as fast as it happened it had stopped. I looked back at the line of cruel vampires, that Jane was staring intently at Ness with hatred. I knew it was that f****n blonde._

_I charged and phased in mid-air, clothes shredding, my shoes ruined. I was prepared to attack that little b****. I could feel Embry and Quil phase but I was going to kill that freaking bloodsucker for putting Renesmee through pain._

**Chapter 38 We Found Her! continued…**

"No! JAKE!" Ness jogged toward me as I growled at that damn tiny blonde. With her full force she pushed me back but I kept scuttling forward. Ness was standing between me and Jane, I needed her to move so I could kill her. My ears were erect my tail curled up. My fur was bristled down my back. I crouched and eyed Jane the whole time until Renesmee's hands pulled at the fur in the sides of my face as she said my name, "Jacob Ephriam Black." She was now all I saw, her bloodshot deep black eyes looked at me. I knew she was she wanted blood of some sort, her eyes have never been so dark. She started rubbing the space between my eyes to calm me and repeated, "Calm, calm." I could feel the rumble in my chest, almost like purring. I felt peaceful and collected and oblivious to everything besides her. I wondered if she really did have that power over me or if Jasper was being nosey.

She looked me in the eye placing her hand on my cheekbone. An illustration of the Voltui ripping me to shreds. _Calm down, please. Don't act stupid. Don't get yourself killed. I can't lose you. Not again. _I nodded at her then returned to the Cullens line up. Quil and Embry were still in a defensive stance. Jane just stood there, relaxed, but you could still see the wickedness in her expression. I was waiting for some sort of twinge from that blonde b****, but I felt nothing. Bella was probably shielding everyone.

"Ask those others to calm down also." Aro gestured to Nessie. Many red caped Volturi guards were now, guarding.

Ness looked back at Aro then back to me. "Jake, tell them."

_You heard Nessie the first time, we could be killed. _I hollered in my mind at Quil and Embry. They returned to the line up too. All of us had burst into our wolf form and I wondered what I was going to do when I needed to phase back in front of all theses vamps?

"Amazing, " Aro laughed, "You have such control over them. You should get them to stay here with us."

"I can't ask them to do that." Ness said turning back to Aro walking over to the Volturi's side.

"Why not? You control them very well."Aro gazed at her with such admiration. The way her looked at her pissed me off. It was as if he wanted her, as if she was his. _Well, FYI idiot she's mine!_

_Jake calm it down man. _Quil said shifting from one side to the other. I forgot my thoughts weren't to myself in wolf form.

Aro turned to Ness and he grabbed her hand. I growled and Edward spoke to me. "Listen to what Renesmee said Jacob."

_Yes, I'll listen to her. _She said to stay calm. Don't act stupid. Just like Bella had asked before her but Ness still needed me in her life. She wanted me alive, so I'll listen.

"I don't control them, their abilities will fade if they stay away from their home land." She responded, removing his hand from hers.

Ness lied, but Aro couldn't tell the difference, he knew nothing about the Quiluete shapeshifters.

"Aw, I see, " he promenaded to his previous spot.

"Renesmee, only joined to keep him safe." Carlisle said placing his hand on my large shoulder blade. I kept watching each of them. My ears stood up, my tail was straight out and my senses her heightened. My hair stood up from my neck down my back and my tail. I was ready, I was prepared for a fight.

_So are we_. Quil said. _Yep. _Embry mirrored his enthusiasm.

"Safe?" Aro questioned with a frown at Carlisle's statement.

"Renesmee? Come give me your hand, _and show me everything I need to know this time." _He frowned at her.

She must not be showing him the entire walked over to him biting her lip.

Marcus interrupted, "Aro she's done nothing but be a help to us, don't insult her or her family."

Rensemee placed her hands in his, which still aggravated me. His eyes went blank and he snapped out of the visions Ness was sending him.

"You and?" Aro gazed at her attentively as he waived his finger in the air at nothing. He gave her a disgusted expression as he released her hand and whipped of the invisible cooties on his pant leg.

She nodded with tears starting to roll down her cheek, "I'd appreciate it if we left that between us."

"Yes, yes. I apologize on Jane's behalf" he directed his glare to Jane and turned back to me, "I and my brothers never intended for you to be black mailed. You are free to leave child."

"Thank you." Edward said. We all began to retreat from the building. I was completely ecstatic that this was easier than I thought it would be, but also that my Nessie was safe and sound and single? Where was Nahuel?

She walked towards us and gave everyone a hug, patted Quil and Embry. She went to say hello to me than I watched as Renesmee turned and darted up to Aro and placed her hand into his palm. Aro's eyes gazed of into the distance. I knew that Renesmee was showing him something.

"Yes, you may."

"I'll be right back." She called out to me and her family, while running out of the room

Aro looked over to the Cullen's and sent a apologetic smile. But of course, he had a reason for sparking up a conversation. They all seem like snakes, I knew there must have been a ulterior motive.

"Carlisle you must send me the information about theses hybrids they are so fascinating." He asked walking up at me. _Only, if Renesmee says so._

"That would be up to Renesmee." Edward repeated what I had just thought.

"Precisely." Carlisle agreed.

"May I?" Aro asked pointing at me, looking at Carlisle.

"Ask him."

"May I?" he asked putting his palm up to me.

"He wants to hear your take on things. Know your life story, just a simple touch." Carlise said but I didn't know if I wanted to. I was still in wolf form, could it even work? Hopefully, no just like Alice's powers are useless around me, or now I guess they were very weak when I was involved.

I held my paw up, not sure what he would see, I just kept thinking about where Ness had disappeared to. In a quick instant I pulled my paw away, I didn't want him to see all my memories.

His head tilted in a speculative fashion, "You love her? The half-breed?"

I nodded.

"You have such a pull towards her, like gravity."

_More than gravity, she's the only thing that keeps me living. _I thought but all I could do was nod at him.

"Take care of her, she's very special to me."

I just rolled my eyes and turned sticking my tail up at him.

"Oh and Jacob, do not reproduce with her. That may become a problem."

Renesmee walked back into the room with a dark haired toddler girl. _Oh my gosh! _

"I hope you will offer the information about you hybrids that I am after."

"Yes, You're allowing me to take Lillian with me so, thank you Aro. She will be much more happy in La Push with my family."

"You are welcome. I hope she is more content with you and your family. She was a hand full from what Corin said."

Renesmee, walked forward smiling at the baby girl, named Lillian. She giggled as Nessie kissed her cheek. My heart began to beat faster as they came closer. I observed the entire clan, they all wondered the same as I did. Quil questioned in his head, _Ness had a kids with the halfbreed?_ After he heard my thoughts he put that idea to rest. _Sorry Jacob. Embry _

"Do you wanna meet your family?" Nessie asked. Lillian's little head bounced up and down in excitement. Ness, walked closer to the Cullen's pointing at them, "Fam-il-y."

She pronounced for the child. Instantly, Lillian wrapped her arms around Nessie's neck, resting her head on her shoulder burying her face into Ness's neck. She must have been nervous or just shy around new people. Instantaneously random thoughts came to my mind. C_ould Nessie give birth to a child within a month? Her mother did. So, maybe she could. But could she really have a child? Could she really of had his child?_

As Renesmee came closer, I could have sworn I was having a heart attack but she walked right past me, past her parents, past everyone and walked right up to Rosalie.

"Lily look." Renesmee's soothing voice asked the child to look at Rosalie. Petting the girls black curls, slowly, her head picked up off Nessie's shoulder and turned around to face Rosalie. A giant smile stretched across Lillian's face. "Ma ma!" She shouted reaching for Rosalie. Renesmee placed the toddler in Rosalie's slender hands.

"What?" she spoke shocked and almost emotional.

"Mama." Lily repeated smiling. Rosalie looked as if she was crying. She kissed the blue eyed girl hugging her so tightly. Then she placed her hand on Blondie's collar bone asking, "Were ah-r da babies?"

That was confusing but Ness turned and ran to me, immediately I phased back. She embraced me in the tightest hug she's ever given me. She repeatedly kissed my neck as she cried. She kissed my chest, cheeks, collarbone and forehead as she still cried.

"I missed you, I'm so glad you're alive." She wept taking her black cloak off and throwing it to the wood floors.

"Me too." As told her as I hugged her, then I grabbed both sides of her face, kissing her forehead and cheeks. I wasn't sure if she was okay with me kissing her on the lips. She wrapped her hands grasp around my wrists still crying. I couldn't help but cry along with her. As we admired each other, her head lowered down.

"Oh," she said and quickly looked up. She walked over to where she threw the black cloak and picked it up off the ground and wrapped it around me. "I guess we'll have to get you some clothes," she laughed. It was nice to see her laugh, to see her smile. After she said that I knew I should be embarrassed that I was bare naked in front of everyone. To be honest, I couldn't care less, Ness was safe and sound. But was she married?

"Where's Nahuel?" I asked.

"It doesn't matter right now." She said standing on her tippy toes and wrapped her arms around me.

"Let's go home."

_Chapter 39 preview_

_I inched closer to her and took a hold of head. Her face was nicely cupped in my hands, immediately she stopped talking as we stared into one another eyes. My eyes scanned between her eyes still, then they started gawking between her eyes and her parted lips. Her breathing slowed and her eyes closed shut. She inhaled and released the deep breath, opening her eyes back to me. _

" _You belong in La Push with me." I stated sincerely. Of course, her mind was constantly running and she was going to find some reason it wasn't possible. _

"_But the-" she started but before I let her speak another word, I pressed my lips to hers. Swiftly, she put her arms around me and pulled me closer. _


	42. Chapter 39 She does love me

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**Author's Note: If you read chapter 35 you remember she wrote him a letter... No one made a comment about what Ness wrote Jacob, so I guess no one caught what I assumed they would. Or perhaps you did. If you did congrats. **

Let me know if you like the ending, Reviews PLEASE!!

Also, I've already started to write the sequel I guess, I'm going to call it Gravity. Let me know what you think might happen... You comments may spark some great ideas for me.

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CHAPTER -39- She does love me…She Loves ME!

We made it out into the center of Moscow. Renesmee said it was called Red Square or Saint Petersburg. Her brilliant mind started to explain what the history was here. Her lips moved but I couldn't hear, all I could do was stare at her. Not sure if she knew that I was gawking at her, but I decided in that moment, I will never go longer than a day without her, again. I needed her with me like I needed air. As we walked along the cobble stone walk, with clothes, I still stared at her. Thank goodness Bella thought to bring us clothes. We were in such a hurry that all I could think about was to bring a backpack full of well, nothing. I had my license, passport, a pair of shoes and Nessie's journal.

When Alice finally shut up on the flight over here, I re-read it. It was comforting to know she valued our friendship as much as I did. Though, I still tried to figure some stuff out. Like who this guy was that she was in love with. I wanted to be that guy. I wanted to be the one she thought of as her husband. When she was younger she had asked me to marry her when she grew up, well she's grown up when do we get married? She even kissed me once before, that had to mean something, right? Maybe I could be that guy? In all truth, I was that guy, that's why I existed.

We kept walking, Ness's arms were around my waist and one of my arms were around her shoulders. I couldn't even explain what I was feeling. My heart was full and my soul was satisfied. Could I want anything more?

I still had many questions like where Lily exactly came from, where Nahuel was when he should have been taking care of Ness. Why she had bruises up her arm and what they did to her. What she's been doing in the last five weeks? I didn't think now was an appropriate time to ask any questions. We needed to get home. With that in mind we tried to hail a cab to the airport. As we tried to get a cab Lillian started talking.

"Dada we go home?" Lily asked Emmett with her wrapped around his broad chest.

"Yeah, we have to get some things before we go home Lils," he smiled at her then Rosalie tweaked her nose and she giggled.

I always pictured Emmett as immature, but as I sit back and watch him he seems, just childlike not immature. He would be a good dad. And yes, I will admit Rosalie already was a good mother and she didn't even have a child until today. She always took such good care of Ness.

Lillian outstretched her arms to Ness. Ness held her when Lily asked, "Where the babies, Nessie?"

Rosalie looked over to her lost, "What babies Lily?"

"The babies." She stated in a precise manner. Her brows were pushed together just like Ness did when she was little. That's when I believed that Lily was Nessie's daughter. But that couldn't be true why would she give her away to Rose. I pushed it in the back of my mind, that couldn't be it.

Alice just smirked to herself, with her hands folded and her foot taping waiting for a taxi. She knew when the next taxi would stop.

"Edward, I think Ness and Jake need to get out of here first. Just in case the Volturi change their mind about her or they remember that we have powers," Alice suggested.

"You're right." He agreed. They carried on and their conversation was basically a staring contest. Alice shoved us in a taxi and we caught the next flight to Seattle with a connecting flight in London.

Ness and I sat in a hotel room near the London airport. I tried to pay but she wouldn't allow it. She got a one bed hotel room, which I wondered about since she could have gotten two. The room was tiny but I couldn't complain we were only spending a night here to get some rest. As I lay down, Ness made a call to Bella and all I heard was Nessie's end of the conversation.

"Mom, they over booked our flight so we have to wait until tomorrow morning to catch the next flight out." She paused biting her nail, she only did that when she was nervous. What does she have to be nervous about? "What about Lillian how's she doing?" She wondered and repositioned herself facing me and pulled her legs into Indian style. I felt kind of awkward just lying there staring at her. She seemed at ease though, she sent quick glances at me and slight smirks but her expression became confused and she said, " Seth?" I watched her expression, it was cute. The little lines on the edge of her eyes crease as did the line between her brows. She kept gnawing at her bottom lip or biting her fingernails. She's been doing that sense she walked into this hotel. It seemed like a contradiction, she looked comfortable yet so anxious at the same time.

Her hand was tracing the seams of the bed spread. She was scrutinizing the bed spread, we were both on, to hard. What did the Volturi do to her, that she is acting like a basket case? Still inspecting the covers slowly her eyes flickered up to me and she just watched me. Her dark coffee colored eyes carried such craving in them, I figured she must be starving, I should probably offer some of my blood. Intently, she gaped at me and she bit her bottom lip harder then before. As quick as she did it, she stopped and her nose crinkled up. She had a puzzled look on her face. She stood up from the bed and peered out the hotel window, " But I never showed her any babies."

Looking back at me, she gave me a weak grin and one side of her lips curled up. Turning back around she gazed out the window at the cloudy skies. While she listened to her mother, I leaned over the side of the bed and took her journal out of my bag. She kept pacing the room listening to her mother not paying much attention to the fact that I was now reading her journal. She steeped back to the end of the bed and tapped my feet. I assumed that meant to move them, so I moved them and she sat. "Okay, Love you. Have a safe "

I decided to start to asking the questions I had. Starting with Lily. I closed the journal and wrapped the leather chord around it, sitting up.

"How's Lily?" I asked.

She smiled pulling her hair out of the ratty bun it was in. "Good."

"I thought Lily was yours and Nahuel's" I admitted. She turned to me and raised an eyebrow and shook her head. She got up walking over to the mirror that hung over the dresser and chuckled to herself, "That's impossible."

"How?" I wondered. If she was with him, most likely they've had sex, don't you think?

"We never had sex." She said setting her cell on the dresser. She had her back to me and look her up and down. She had lost a bit of weight but she was still very attractive.

"But- I thought," I staggered a bit but got a question out that I've wanted to know for some time now, "You've never had sex?"

"Not that I can recall," she said playfully sarcastic. Through the mirror I watched her gaze at herself, biting her lip yet again. Her hand flew to the back of her neck as she rubbed it. She added, "…and we never got married."

"You didn't?" I questioned as she stood on the other side of the room still staring into the mirror observing herself.

" I couldn't go through with it," she turned around looking at the red plaid carpet of the hotel room, " Also, I reminded him about both his mother and my mother's labor and he understood. Not wanting to put me in danger."

I became very interested in what happen between her and Nahuel. I wanted to understand what kind of relationship they had. I scooted closer to her, with the journal still in hand. "Is that the only reason you two never had sex?"

"No. I-I mean, I liked him and it's not like I can have kids so there's no worry about that," she spoke sadly to the floor, It was as if now all of a sudden couldn't look at me. She hesitated at bit with her next statement but she let it out, " I just, I didn't want to lose my virginity to him, I didn't love him, not like I thought I did."

When she finally looked up to me, she noticed the journal that I held tightly too.

"Jake, why do you have my diary?" she conjectured with a frown.

"Oh," I looked down at it and told her the truth, "I took it from your room, it reminded me of you."

"You read my journal?" she questioned snatching the journal from me. She gave me a glare and I wasn't sure how to handle this. Should I make it a joke and she'll forgive me or handle this cautiously and carefully?

"Yeah, I never thought I'd never see you again and I just wanted to get inside your head on why you did what you did and now I know you only married Nahuel, to keep me safe. And now I know that you're in love with some guy. Which is great," I falsely gave her my consent, "He went to Forks High right?"

She waived her hands about with the diary still tightly grasped in her hands, "You think by just reading my personal diary, you could get inside my head?"

"I hoped…"

She interrupted me exclaiming, "You should have just talked to me!"

"Ness, I couldn't just…" I tried to explain myself but she just eyed me miserably, shrugging.

"So, you think you know me now?" she asked in a hushed angry voice.

"No I, I..."

"Well you sure act like it. You think I'm in love with just some guy!?" she was angry, I don't like to see her upset but I let her rant and rave about it, I did invade her privacy by reading the journal. "He's not just some guy! And he doesn't go to Forks High! Damn it Jacob! You know nothing about me!" she shouted slamming the journal on the dresser.

The I started fuming, how dare she say I know nothing about her. I stood up from the bed and started to sternly defend myself.

"Renesmee, I know everything about you. I know you better than anyone in this entire world. I know, you tap your finger when you're agitated. You bite your finger nails when you're nervous and figit when you're impatient. You hate the amount of money your family spends and you love La Push," I looked at her and her mouth hung open. We stood on opposite sides of the room and she stood there like she was being scolded, but that wasn't the case. She took a hold of her journal again and held it tightly to her chest.

I continued," I know that you only stick to human food for my sake and try not to hunt, mostly because you don't have the heart to kill animals. I know secretly you bite me when you think I'm asleep, to drink my blood."

Instantly, she covered her mouth and spoke with her mouth still covered."You knew about that?"

"Ever since you we're little. I would let you, I know you crave human blood," then my voice raised a few octaves, " and I know you're in love with some guy and it kills me!"

She unraveled the chord of the journal and opened it to a page I was reading. She took the makeshift bookmarker out. It was the note she wrote to me when she left for Argentina. Opening the folded and creased letter, she read it and whimpered a bit.

"You want to know who I'm in love with?" she asked.

"Yes."

"You seriously want to know who I love?"

"No s*** Renesmee!" I exclaimed.

"Read this," she handed me the worn out note, "I gave you a clear clue."

I took it from her gentle hands and read:

_Jacob, my Jacob,_

_You mean more to me than I could ever express. I really wish you understood me, my thoughts, and my decisions, the way I understand yours, or at least I like to believe I do. Remember, you will always be my Jacob, my best friend, and I will always be your Nessie. I will love you for all eternity._

_Love Always and forever, _

_Renesmee Black. x0x0_

My heart sank, but in a good way. "Renesmee _Black_?" I muttered looking from the note to her tired, beautiful face. I stared back down at the note, it read Renesmee Black.

"Why do you think I couldn't marry Nahuel?"

" You love me?"

"So, much," she nodded. Bowing her head, "More than I should."

"But you said you didn't love me when I asked?"

"I don't know why I said no, I felt like I didn't need you or my family or anyone around me."

She started rambling about God knows what, how Chelsea must have been there controlling her mind. And she was killed apparently, I wondered if that vamp I killed during the wedding ceremony was that Chelsea and that's why Ness couldn't go through with the wedding.

She did love me, she loved me and my world felt complete. All I wanted in life was to be loved by this girl. I stared at her pretty face while she was still talking. My eyes scanned between both eyes as she continued on with her blabbing, "It felt like the right thing to do to marry Nahuel, to save your life, to go live with the Volturi."

I inched closer to her and took a hold of head. "It was like I belonged with the Volturi." Her face was nicely cupped in my hands, immediately she stopped talking as we stared into one another eyes. My eyes scanned between both her eyes still, then they started gawking between her eyes and her parted lips. Her breathing slowed and her eyes closed shut. She inhaled and released the deep breath, opening her eyes back to me.

" You belong in La Push with me." I stated sincerely. Of course, her mind was constantly running and she was going to find some reason it wasn't possible.

"But the-" she started but before I let her speak another word, I pressed my lips to hers. Swiftly, she put her arms around me and pulled me closer.

As we stood there we kept kissing for some time but she pulled apart and whispered into my ear,"Quo Quowle."

She still had a tight grasp around my neck when I retorted her comment, "Where did you here that?" I wondered.

"I think you said it to me once before, when I was little."

"I don't think I did."

"Maybe not but it was in my memories since, I was born. You told me once in grandpa Charlie's kitchen. Why?" she asked. It was strange because I said that to her mother not her, how could that be in her memory.

"It doesn't matter." I told her and kissed her forehead, " I love you so much."

"I love you too." She smiled kissing neck.

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Chapter 40 preview

Virginity (enough said)


	43. Chapter 4o Please

**Author's Noter: This is the final chapter to Last Sunrise. Awww! But don't cry. **

**This chapter is a bit racy I must say, but it's an important and vital part of the story. This chapter sets up the sequel so stay tuned** **for more. If you want more, let me know I may just stop writing I'm not sure…Reviews would be nice.**

**Chapter 40 Please (Renesmee's Point-of-View)**

Five months without Jacob, was painfully heart wrenching. I suppose I've been through far worst. Two years apart from him, impaired me and affected me negatively. Those two years in Alaska were scarcely bearable. I barley functioned right, I felt like an old car or computer with a virus. Sure you could fix either but neither would every work the same. In those two years, Jasper was always by my side, sending good vibrations my way. Because God knows I needed an attitude change. I was negative, angry, bitter and resentful towards everything and everyone. Especially, my mother. I knew she was the main reason we had moved, but Jacob had the best at heart. He believed I needed that time with Momma and he didn't think it was right for me to see them argue.

But then, Jasper changed my mood and now he couldn't. At least in Alaska I had contact with Jake, he would call or send e-mails and packages of gifts. Now, it was different. There was no contact. I didn't tell him where I was going or that I was leaving for good, just a simple letter was left. I shouldn't have kissed him either, it made the situation a million times worse.

While in Russia I had lots of time left alone, to think. Every brain cell that I had left yelled' Go home! Go to him!' And I wanted to, with every fiber of my being I wanted to fall asleep in his arms, just as I used to. But if I did go, his life was at stake. Not only that, but for how much longer would I be allowed to call him my Jacob? Soon, he would imprint and leave me in the dust.

It almost felt as if the world stopped turning, just so I would be eternally suffering. The world laughed in my face, proving that there was no happy ending. At least not for me. Things looked up. One day after the bi-daily experimentation on I the half-breed, I took Lily and snuck off to the city of Moscow as I did often as I could. On this particular day I went to the library, read her a book that I found in English and read it to her. She soon fell asleep and I looked at books to read for myself. I found a rather new published book of quotes and sayings. I read but one struck a chord with me the most-

_Your heart says stay and battle the pain, but your mind says leave for all this isn't needed- broken into pieces for that one and only. But follow your heart because the heart can only take so much_

It didn't seem to make a bit of sense, but my heart could only take so much. That quote left me reflecting on th alternatives I had. I had two choices; One, stay and suffer through the pain, keep him safe and alive, because he has never really been mine or, two, leave Russia, now and go to Jacob and love him as much and as long as I could and deal with the Volturi and his imprint later

My final decision was to let fate handle what should be, let it go where it may. I just never expected Jacob to come and save me, to take me home where I belonged. Since I had already lived through my first option of suffering and pain, I would live through my second option also. That meant to love him as long as I could bearably do so. I would give him myself in every way possible. I was fixed on it.

I would love him. Yes, momma and daddy educated me on sex as did Jacob. 'Don't have sex until you're married,' they'd say. But did I really have an option. I wanted to loose my virginity to someone I knew I wanted to marry, that I knew I loved beyond all reason, that I knew…would pick up and leave me for another woman. I didn't have much time left, so I would do this as soon as possible.

When we had that extended layover, I decided it was time to tell him how I feel about him. Because last time he asked I lied to him. That left me wounded but what choice did I have five weeks ago? Now I had opportunities, I could loose one of the most precious things I have, to a man I loved more than my own life or to a man I settled for? I would choose Jacob, time and time again. And if he wanted me, I would give myself.

Before we checked in I had already bit all my nails off and I knew Jacob could sense my nervousness. But he left me be. And eventually an argument irrupted. A good argument. He read my diary, but I wasn't upset about that. I was upset because he thought he could read my diary and get inside my head, when all he had to do was talk to me. After that it spilled over. He talk about how well he did know me, and I never gave him enough credit before, but who knew me inside out. But on one subject he was way off target. He knew I was in love with some guy and it killed him. But I had to tell him it was him, it's always been him.

After that, all we did was make out for hours into the night but eventually I just lied there in his arms. I pressed my ear against his chest to hear his heart beat. It was at a fast steady pace it's always been. Rolling over I let out it a huge sigh. Staring up at the ceiling I thought about the happiness I felt but also the things I saw.

Jacob laid on his side with his elbow propping up his head staring at me. And the honest truth was it left me at ease. I loved that he couldn't take his eyes of me. I just closed my eyes and felt his warm hand inched under my shirt and he began rubbing. I'll admit that while it was comforting it hurt also. He noticed my whimper and lifted me shirt. Underneath were bruises and scratched and scabs. Much like on my arms.

Quickly he sat up and demanded an answer, "What happened to you?"

"I don't want to talk about it…"

"But-" he started but I really didn't want to talk about it, not tonight.

"Please, Jacob, not tonight. I'm just glad you're with me."

I still laid looking up at him as he scooted closer looking down at me, "Renesmee I would like to talk about it sometime, I want to know what they did to you." He was worried and he pressed his hands through my hair and leaned over and kissed my forehead.

"Some other time. Not tonight." I promised.

"What were they doing in Russia?" he asked.

"I'm not exactly sure. I know that Moscow is more populated than Volterra, which meant more humans to feed upon. Also, in Russia vampires aren't much of a problem there, werewolves are."

"Werewolves, like me?" his eyebrow lifted. I guess I wasn't exactly telling the truth but eventually he would here the whole story.

"No, not like you. You're more, _controlled_ then they are."

"Controlled, meaning?"

"Can we just we'll talk about everything when we get back home. Right now I just want to spend time with you." I asked putting my arms around his neck pulling him down to me. We kissed, and I could feel the smile his mouth held.

Casually, he was wedged between my legs. He had his head now pressed against my chest as he attempted to hear my heart beat. The amount of weight he put on me didn't bother me much. It was nice to know he was real, I could feel it. I scratched the scalp of his head and he wrapped his arms tightly around me.

A decision was made, since he loved me I would, give myself to him. I love him so much, I never could explain how I felt. "You're hearts beating faster, Ness." He stated. I wanted him to be my first, my first kiss and everything else. Since he does love me back, I should take what I can get from him right? Before he imprints.

Since he showed up to the Volturi's Russian Mansion, I planned on telling him everything. About the dreams I've had and the fact how much I loved him. When we checked into this hotel, I planned to take it as far as I could with him, I was ready.

He interrupted my thoughts, when he took his head off my chest and rested his chin where his ear was.

"Uh-yah-so-chuh?" he questioned in Quiluete. I'm a bit rusty but I remembered it meant, 'How are you?' I tried to remember what little Jacob and Billy taught me when I was younger.

"Uhm…" I paused trying to recall a few sayings, "Hah-ch-lee ho. Tay-hwah-lee." (I'm good, I'm going home.)

Instantly, he smirked and his lips flew to mine. Our lips were like two ends of the magnets that stuck together.

As soon as I could get his entire weight of me I took his shirt off, revealing perfectly sculpted chest and abdomen. With some instinct my hand just touched him. _Damn_. I thought as my palm was firmly pressed against his chest. He chuckled, "I heard that." Eventually a majority of our clothes were off.

We were wrapped and tangled in each other and in the sheets, each of us laid on our sides with our foreheads pressed together. I just breathed in his wonderful musky scent, when I decided to break the ice on a sensitive subject.

" Jake, have you ever, with anyone?" I whispered.

"Um," he studdered pulling his forehead away from me, "you want the truth?"

"Yeah."

" Almost, once before you were born, before I even knew what it meant to be in love."

At first I felt my heart break in two, but life isn't perfect,"How old were you?"

" Fifteen."

"Was she pretty?"

"Yeah, in her own way. She just looked like every other girl that went to my school. Dark hair, dark eyes, Quiluete. But I knew there was a beautiful girl out there, not just a pretty girl."

"I wonder when you'll find her?"

" I've already found her." He stated positively kissing at the side of my lips.

"You're so cheesy. Have you ever wanted to have sex with anyone else?"

"Sure."

Here it is the main question, "Do you wanna have sex with me?"

A smile stretched across his face, his thumb traced my bottom lip as he said, "I want to make love to you, Yes."

And that was it, I kissed him, his neck and every part of his exposed body. He was positioned wholly between my legs with his hands firmly at my ribcage holding me. My bare chest was exposed to him, his mouth softly grazed at my breasts, leaving me aroused. We began pleasuring each other in every way possible but when we were finally about to take it to the level I wanted, he stopped

"Ness, I don't think we should have done any of that, and I don't think we should do this now."

I pulled his bare chest to mine and whispered and begged, "Please."

"But-"

I pressed my hand to his cheek and used my powers on him, I showed him us finally making love and I said in my mind, "I'm ready Jacob, I love you."

"I love you too but it's not the right time, you should wait until you're married."

In his eyes he was honest and sincere, it's just one characteristic that attracted me to him more.

His patience and happiness seem to rub off on me, two things I wasn't exactly born with.

"Jacob, I do understand that. I know but I love you. I love you more than anything." I pull him as close as I can to my naked body, " Please, please, please." I whisper into his ear.

If telling him I didn't love him, was the worst night of my life, then tonight, when I told him I was in love with him, had to have been the best night I will ever have in my life.

He pressed himself into me slowly. Each time I whimpered and moaned, "I can't, " he pulled out, "I'm hurting you."

I;m not surif he meant my brusing body or the fact that this was my first time. Which ever it was they were each tolerable and I just wanted him to continue.

"Jacob, please."I pleaded with him. So he continued pressing himself further and further into my core.

That night he took something, away from me I could never get back.

After the deed was done, we did it again. After we lied naked in each others arms watching the rays of sun peek through the closed shades.

"When did you know you loved me?" I asked him.

"I've always loved you Ness, since you born. I loved you're personality and your good spirit. But I knew I was in love with you when, I saw you in Alaska, when I saw you grown up."

Then he retorted the same question, "What about you when did you know you loved me?"

"Well, um, I think I've always loved you too. Since I was little, I always saw you as mine, my wolf, my Jacob…" he just leaned over and kissed me then I continued"… Sometime during the school year I began to realize that the way I thought about you wasn't how you should think about a friend. Like, I always pictured you as my husband." I rolled over a nuzzled my face to his neck and go the almost purring sound ripple from his chest, "Remember when I killed Demetri?" I asked.

"Yeah."

" I only did that because you were in danger. I never wanted to kill, ever. You said so yourself, killing is bad, but if it meant to keep you alive, I would do anything. That's why I went to live with the Volturi. Jane said if I didn't go with her, she'd kill you. And I couldn't understand why she would threaten you and not my family but Chelsea said I was in love with you. At that second, I knew, they were right. I was deeply in love with you. Everything about you, how could someone not love you."

"You'd be surprised."

"Then I started to recall how I saw you before I realized I was in love. It's embarresing some of the things I pictured, like us being married or having kids. I even wore a white dress to prom, because I pretended it was our wedding. I didn't," I laughed, "I don't , " I giggled again, "I know it sounds stupid."

"No not at all, I pretended it was our wedding too." He and I chuckled together.

"I was in love you and I didn't even know it." I stated.

He kissed at my mouth, my cheek, the hollow of my neck, my collar bone and began kissing my bruised stomach and arms and wrists, "I love you."

Then another quick session of love making and we had to hurry and catch our flight.


	44. BOOK II  Gravity Summary

**SUMMARY: Wow, I've had al lot of messages about my story Last Sunrise, I guess my first fan fic wasn't that bad. Thanks for the reviews! **

**So this is my second fanfiction…****This story is a literal continuation from Last Sunrise. I **_**strongly **_**suggest you read my other story if you wish to follow this Sequel, Gravity.**

**Some sexuality but nothing to graphic- I'm trying to keep it classy!**

Ness has sexual tension but Jacob won't give in like he did in London.

After being in Russia for five weeks, Renesmee's views on things have changed. She no longer wishes to stay in La Push, she now wishes to venture the world and put her education on hold. But after an unexpected pregnancy, she's stuck in Forks. She isn't exactly content, not yet anyways. Jacob has fears about the pregnancy. While he worries about the physical part of labor. He recalls, that Aro had mildly warned Jacob about reproducing with Ness. As Jacob fears what may happen, but he still accepts it and proposes. Ness pushes him away because she still worries about Jacobs imprint. And having a baby with a man that was going to leave her is eating way at her. His pride gets in the way, he still won't tell her. Through out the story, she explains a few things that happened to her in Russia. After a huge argument between Bella, Edward and Jacob they find out Alice has been murdered and Jasper has fled. (But is she really dead?) Billy's in the hospital and the entire time Leah and Renesmee grow close. There are a few surprises, this may end in a marriage =) and a death =( or two.

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	45. Chapter 1 Yep, I'm Guilty

**Author's Note: Gees! Long Chapter. Warning this is getting a bit racy. Renesmee has urges, she's cooler than usual and isn't craving blood? What's up with her? ALso I was so excited to get this up I didn't doub;e check my grammar or spelling. I apologize.**

**REMINDER: This will be hard to follow if you haven't read Last Sunrise. SO please read Last Sunrise and come back to this story.**

**Reviews = next chapter.**

**No review= No nect chapter.**

**Also, suggestions and Ideas are always welcome. They inspire some ideas I have.**

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Chapter 1 Yep, I'm Guilty. (Jacob's POV)

That night in London was ecstasy. She admitted her love for me, it was something I had been hoping for since, forever. That she had loved and never knew I imprinted on her was exactly how I wanted things to go. Still the imprint thing hadn't come up and I was glad. I would wait until we were married or at least until we had decided to be married to inform her about the imprinting. What followed after our admittance to being in love, sent shivers down my spine each time I thought about it.

It didn't even seem like Ness was a virgin, she was a natural I guess you could say. I almost couldn't go through with it, her whimpers upset me. With the assumption I was hurting her, I stopped but she urged me to continue. Following our repetitive love making sessions, we had to quickly get up and check our flight.

Renesmee had gone down to the front desk to check out, while I collected a few things out of the hotel room. I got the back packs each of us had brought with us to Russia. I grabbed her journal from the night stand, and the basic things we had to buy at the Heathrow Airport. After shoving the toothbrushes in one of the bags I began gathering the few clothes sprawled across the room. As I picked up Renesmee's black lace bra of the bed, I noticed a small blood stain on the white sheets. _Shit_. I thought. I shoved the bra into her bag. As I ran my fingers through my thick hair I felt a glimpse of regret.

The guilt instantly surged through my veins. I couldn't believe I had taken advantage of Renesmee. I was hypocrite. All those phone calls, e-mails and I chats we had were occasionally about sex. I constantly was telling her to wait to have sex until she's married. And there I was, unmarried, taking her innocence being a complete hypocrite.

As I walked down the hallway and rode down the elevator I decided no more sex until we were married, just as I taught her. If she wanted to be married. I was going to have a hard time hiding this from Edward.

When we made our way home, Roaslie and Emmett had picked us up. Lily was glad to see us. She liked me and she kept talking about Seth, she wanted to meet the pack. Rosalie and my relationship has changed, we're more accepting of one another but she still says things that make me want to punch her.

When Carlisle had came back he wanted to counsel Ness but she said she was fine. He informed me that Renesmee had grown a slight bit. Also I eaves drop on her check up, she had informed Dr. Cullen that she had been given lethal amount of drugs. Luckily, they had no affect on her. How they pierced through her skin, left me puzzled? She has such tough skin. Yes soft to the touch but try and cut it with a knife the blad would break. Along with that, they had pumps vast amount of fertility drugs into her system too. It worried me but if other drugs had no influence on her system then neither would the fertility drugs.I remembered the hard truth though, Renesmee was infertile and not even fertility drugs could affect her system.

As I pressed my ear the solid wood pocket door, I intently listened. The next things that left Ness's mouth made me sick to my stomach.

"Aro wanted to try to have me reproduce," her smooth voice verbalized.

"Reproduce? Why? Who did they want you to reproduce with?"

"I don't know," she faltered with her words. I could hear her suck back a few sobs, "Just another experiment. I told them you said I was infertile. Aro still wanted to see if could become pregnant but Marcus wouldn't allow it. He said to question you was foolish and to make me do something like that was sick and malicious."

"Yes, Marcus has always been the nicest of the three."

"He kept me safe," H_ow could the bastard keep her safe_? I wondered but kept listening as she continued, " he allowed me to leave the mansion and visit Moscow often but he told me to be secretive about it. He bought Lily the sturdiest toys he could find but she would still break them. I'm not sure but I think he left the Volturi, or he was thinking about it."

"Is there anything else?"

"You said I grew?" she questioned.

Carlisle calmly stated, "Nothing to dramatic."

"Will I ever stop growing?"

"Nahuel did."

"Nahuel's male. The Volturi killed the female half-breeds, How can we be sure?"

"We can't but we will take it one day at a time. Is there anything else?"

"No, I just want to be with Jacob right now."

I recalled her desire to have me comfort her as a child but now it felt a million times better to comfort her. I was glad she still wanted me around and she never knew about the imprint, which in my mind meant we were meant to be and we would just be.

TWO MONTHS LATER

We had just finished hunting, but Ness wasn't thirsty for blood, not even mine. Since returning from Russia me and Ness have been attached at the hip. She hasn't talked much about her time with the Volturi or had mentioned to me her immunity to drugs. After reading her diary, I knew she told me everything. I figured she would tell me in her own time.

We walked into the empty red house I called home. She made a bee line to the new stainless steel fridge she had gotten my father. As she rummaged around, I couldn't help but notice she had, had an appetite in the last few weeks. She bent over looking through the fridge for a snack. Her teal cotton sundress was a bit shorter than she usually wears and I could see her black boyshort underwear with part of her buttcheeks peeking through. What was she wearing a dress in November for anyway? I stared at her butt, even though I vowed to not have sex with her until we were married, I still had 'urges'. I planned not to propose until we were dating at least a year. There was no sense in rushing things, the way we rushed into them in London. I didn't want to freak her out with a quicky proposal, two months was to soon. She needed time to grow as a person and I would allow that. Patience, I just needed patience.

Her hair had grown back, her waving dark auburn hair was past her shoulders. As she still faced the fridge she stood erect and pulled her hair into a messy bun and asked, "Jake, you hungry?"

She turned her head over shoulders giving me a glance. Her eyes have never been so hazel before which lead me to believe she wasn't craving blood at all but I wondered what had kept her so satisfied. I knew she wasn't getting blood from me.

Waiting for my answer she shut the fridge door and turned her body in my direction.

"Not, really but I can see that you are." I joked with her.

"Ha, ha," she mocked,"Are you saying I'm getting fat?"

I walked over to her patting her stomach, "You are getting a bit pudgy."

She reacted to my comment by laughing and smacking me across the arm. Her face then turned serious, "Are you serious?"

"No," I stated honestly, she was still lean as ever. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her cheek. Her arms wrapped around my waist, Her touch was chiller and her body was cooler than usual but it was nothing like her vampire relatives.

"You haven't had blood in awhile."

"I haven't craved it in awhile. I guess I'm just used to it now, I had gone without it in Moscow for so long, I just don't crave it an longer." She affirmed pressing her face into the center of my chest. She rubbed her face in the cotton and nuzzled at the bottom of my chin. Still wrapped in each other's embrace she leaned up on her tippy toes and kissed the bottom of my chin. Immediately after I kissed the top of her head , she released me from her clasp and walked through the kitchen to the short hallway.

When the coolness of her lips touched mine, I realized how cold she really was. I stated, "Ness you're so cold."

She stopped in her tracks and turned to me, seductively she let words ooze from her lips, "I know, come and warm me up."

Instinctively, I followed her. I knew she ended up in my bedroom but when I stepped in she wasn't there. Out of no where she pushed me down onto my bed. Her hands firmly pinned me down as she hovered over me and kissed me. It was so lust driven, that I thought about giving in and taking her right then and there. As she removed my shirt and quickly, straddled me and kissed my chest. Her kisses trailed up to my neck where she stayed for a few seconds. I couldn't help but be turned on at the moment.

Lifting herself from my neck, I could sense her arousal. Looking up at her I saw the sly smirk that graced her face. _Oh no here she goes again_. I thought_. _

Since we had sex, she's had an active sex drive. Almost every day she could she was trying to get me to sleep with her. Me being human, wanted to give in.

I could feel her inner thighs rub against my bare hip bones. She leaned over and kissed at my collar bone and followed straight down to my naval. She slipped back up and that mischievious grin was back. She pulled her hair out of the bun and I could she her arm twist to her back. The zip of the zipper echoed in my ear.

I leaned up as she still straddled me, wrapping my arms around her. I could hear her pant and giggle but I reached around and zipped the zipper of her dress back up.

Her forehead now rested on my shoulder. "Jake, Please,"she pleaded whispering. Still straddling me she wrapped her arms around me neck and whispered in my ear ,"Please, I want you so bad."

As much as I wanted to I couldn't. I had to practice what I preached to her.

"No. Ness I love you and I respect you," I stated kissing at her cheek.

She removed her legs that rested around my pelvic area and sat next to me with a pouty face. I turned and rested both my feel firmly on the floor wrapping my arms around her shoulder. "But we've already done it-" she whined.

I knew her argument, we've already had sex why can't we do it again? Same excuse she's been using the last two months, I cut her off and spoke my piece, "We went to fast last time, let's just wait a few months until we even think of having sex again."

She crossed her arms and huffed. I watched her nose crinkle up and her bottom lip pertrude, I still couldn't believe that once upon a time she was a child. It was strange to imagine her as that child, I always somewhat felt like Ness the child was a completely different person that Renesmee the adult. But as I watched her pout I coulds see the were the same.

Her childlike pout turned into a hurt facial expression. I didn't want her to think I didn't love her. I couldn't completely cut her off, so surprised her. I stood up and place both my hands on each of her shoulders as I passionately kissed her. As I kissed her I leaned her back to the bed as her legs still hung over the side. "Don't move." I ordered.

I slid my hands from her ankles and up her legs then underneath her dress.

I could see her lately hazel eyes trying to watch me, "Ness just lay down."

She laughed nervously to herself and and lied back down. I pulled at her underwear and gently removed them.

I lifted her dress and teased her by kissing her hip bones. My kissed went lower and lower and lower. She had her legs tightly pressed together. As I journeyed further down I spred apart her silky legs and kept teasing her by touching her most sensitive spot. WIth her wetness I could tell she was ready. I teased her again by kissing her hips bones and slowly movfed lower. When I kissed the right spot she gasped and put her hands on the top of my head. As I was giving her the satisfaction she's been craving she pulled at my hair and her back arched. I had a tight grasp on her hip bones and pulled her closer to me. As I sucked harder on the piece of skin that would bring her the most pleasure her legs flew up and over my shoulders. Her legs wrapped tighter around me as she tried to pull me closer.

Her light moans stiffened me. I knew I was pleasing her but before I finished I heard the front door shut,"Jacob!" My father called out.

"Oh shit shit shit!" Ness murmured sitting up. The bottom of her dress was now over my head where I had a sightly view still in front of my nose. I kissed where I had just been pleasuring her.

"Here!" I said handing her, her black button fly boy short underwear. I was glad she was wearing a dress, because in the process of me pleasing her, she was still fully clothed.

"I thought he was gonna be at Charlie's?" she whispered.

"So did I."

"Jacob?" My dad called out again.

I watched as she frantically pulled on her underwear and pulled her hair up.I already had my Nike gym shorts on but now I had to make the swell in my pants go down. She walked over to me and kissed me. "I owe you," she smirked. She walked out of my room, stretching and I began to follow.

"Oh hey Ness, what are you two doing?" my dad asked her.

"We actually were taking a nap, until you woke me up." Ness lied, "Did Grandpa Chuck cancel on you?"

I watched her walk over to the small love seat and sat. Slowly, she reached her hands an arms over her head stretching. She lied her head on the arms rest pretending to be tired. I watched as she whipped the fake sleep out of her eyes and held a conversation with Billy. I thought about everything I could to make my erection go down.

"No, he has the stomach flu. He kept leaving going to the restroom ever five minutes. When Sue got home she suggested I leave unless I want to get sick. SO she dropped me off. "

"Oh, poor Grandpa."

"He'll be fine."

"Did you at least eat or do I have to feed you?" She smiled at him.

"I ate." He stated pausing then saying, " You and Jake having a good time?"

That was the last of the conversation I heard. I walked back into my room put a shirt on and grabbed some cash I was going to give my father for rent.

"Here." I said handing him a white envelope.

My dad took ahold of the envelope and looked inside, "Jacob what's this for?"

"I know the house is paid for but I'm sure there are some bills that need to be paid. So, there's seven hundred."

"Jacob, you're my son and you do enough for me, but Renesmee does more, you should probably give her the money."

"Dad, just take it. I've lived with you for twenty six years it's the least I can do."

"You're only here about six hours to sleep, then you're gone. Just give the money to Renesmee or save up for something you want to get."He tried to hand it over to Ness but she pushed it away.

"Billy, I don't need any money," she said pushing the envelope back at him,"Take it, buy something for yourself."

"No, I can't take it." He said with pride, handing it back to Renesmee. She cautiously took it, intently looking at Billy.

"Dad pride isn't a good thing." Ness said the same thing my mother used to tell me father.

"It's not pride, I don't need it, I'm okay."

" Fine," she said grabbing the envelope. "You need a new stove, so one day you might have a new one just appear in your kitchen." Ness said playfully.

"No, no you go get something for yourself."

As I listened to Ness and my father bicker, I placed a pair of tennis shoes on. I sat there thinking of every thing beside what had just happened, at least my semi had gone down.

"Your birthday's coming up. Is there anything you want?" she questioned.

"I could use a new stove or a new water heater."

" Alrighty, you may get a stove or water heater for your birthday or maybe both." She smirked and turned to look over at me.

As I stared at her beautiful face, I said, "Ness?"

"Hmm?"

"You wanna go on a walk?" I asked.

"Yeah." She got up and put her sandals on and waved bye to my father walking to the front door, "Bye Billy."

"Bye Ness."

"Bye dad," I said farewell following Renesmee to the front door.

"Hey Jacob?" he asked, I stopped right before I headed out the thresh hold and said, "Yeah?"

My dad chuckled then stated, "Be safe."

The old man knew to much.


	46. Chapter 2 First Fight

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**Author's Note: FYI- I fixed the grammar and spelling in my summary and in chapter one. **

**In this chapter Ness and Jake have their first argument and some other stuff. **

**Reviews=Next Chapter... **

Enjoy, I own nothing but the plot.

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CHAPTER 2 First Fight

We took the walk I had wanted to go on Nessie was ahead of me for awhile. The clouds heavily lingered the past few days but had yet to release any rain. It was considerably warm for the time of year with Thanksgiving coming up then Christmas. I observed Nessie stroll along the side of the road. She had her sneakers on with her dress and her hair pulled up into a loss messy bun. She had pockets in her dress and she placed her hands in it as she kicked at the pebbles on the asphalt of the road. I jogged up to her and wrapped my arms around her waist. She took a hold of my hands and unwrapped them from around her waist and laced her right hand with my left.

An old maroon car speed by and nearly hit Ness. After the car passed, I moved her over so, if God forbid someone got hit by a car, it would be me and not her. I was amazed at how at ease we were with each other. No words left either of our mouths but it was still comfortable and nothing was forced. We could merely look into one another's eyes and could tell what the other was thinking or what the other wanted to say.

She averted her eyes from the road beneath her feet and she glanced over at me. Promptly I turned my gaze away from her gorgeous face. She huffed a silent laugh, she had yet again, caught me staring at her.

As we walked she pointed up to the sky. My eyes followed where she pointed. Up above us there were two eagles gliding in the sky. I stared up at the sky watching them disappear from my vision, when I looked back down to her she was staring fixedly at me. I was pleased to know that she gawked at me the same as I do to her.

_Love you_ she mouthed with no sound. I bent down kissing her on the forehead retorting , "I love you."

"Hah-chah-th hah-heck-tee-yuh," I stated to bring up conversation. (Nice weather today.)

"It has been nice out," She agreed.

I brought her hand up to my mouth and kissed it lightly. I rubbed the back of her hand with my other arm and I noticed the bruises and scabs that were once on her arms had healed nicely, no scaring. The cut marks and bruising on her stomach, back of her legs and neck were healed also. I really wanted to ask her about it but I knew she would eventually tell me, I had to be patient with her. So I decided to talk about another subject.

"So what do you want to do with your life?"

"Travel," She vacantly stated leaning her head against my bicep.

"I was sure you'd go straight to college, but you always amaze me. Where do you want to go?"

Before she spoke she grabbed a tighter hold on my hand . "I'm not sure. It's a pretty big world out there."

"Sure is?" I paused looking down at her, " Can I come along?"

"Uh," she hesitated turning her head behind us watching the car pass by, " I kinda planned on, going alone," _Ow that hurt. _Involuntarily my extra hand grasped my heart. "You should probably stay here anyways, and watch over La Push, and Forks."

As much as it mildly offended me, I attempted to brush it off.

"Na, I'll just leave Leah in charge."

"Jake, I don't want you to come_." F***! Another stab to my heart maybe she wasn't as in love with me as I thought she was_. "I wanna handle this on my own, and if I decide I'd rather go to school, I'd want to do it alone," she watched me but she read me so well and offered her reasoning, " like a normal human would."

Her motive for wanting to handle human experiences alone, was understandable but it still upset me she didn't want me to be apart of those experiences.

We kept walking along the road when I asked,"You don't want me around?"

My arm jerked back and she stopped dead in her tracks. I turned to find her expression very irate. Her brows furrowed and her mouth hung agape almost as if she couldn't speak, "Of course I do. Don't ever think I don't want you around," she embraced me in a rigid hug. I knew I hurt her feelings by asking that but I needed to know.

We made a u-turn and toddled our way back to my house.

" I'm not going to be gone forever ya know?" she said it to calmly. I couldn't stand to be away from her, could she really take being away from me?

"Yeah, like you said you'd only be in Argentina for two weeks, tops." I spoke harshly throwing that back in her face. That was a topic that upset me.

"That was different Jacob, you know why I had to go."

Yes, I knew why she had to go, to save my life because the Volturi used me as a wager to get her to join them. But things were different now what if she left and never came back?

"Five weeks Renesmee, you were gone five weeks! And if Nahuel didn't write that letter to us, we wouldn't have known where you went." I mildly convulsed, she didn't take notice. I quickly put myself in check.

"But he did and you came to get me, I love you for it. After being there I just realized I want to live as humanly as possible. I want to try and do things as a normal human would do. I don't want to be reminded I'm part vampire."

"Well, guess what you are."

"Ugh!" she tugged her hand out of mine storming off infront of me tiny pebbles flying behind her from underneath her feet.

"Renesmee, why are you so ashamed?" I called out to her.

She turned and angrily spoke with her hands flailing around, "Well once upon a freaking time you hated vampires!" She pointed at me, and stood still dropping her arms to her sides and lowering her head, "I don't knw what changed your mind, but you would have hated me."

" I could have never hated you Ness."

"But we weren't meant to be this way, we should be enemies." Her miserable voice triggered a guilt complex. _Maybe I should tell her about the imprint?_

"Hey," I caught her attention by taping her chin. When she finally looked up to me I continued speaking, "Understand that none of the pack feels that way anymore, especially me."

"Leah does," she muttered to herself but I wouldn't respond. I wasn't going to speak for Leah, even if Ness's perception of Leah's attitude was off. Leah loved Ness she just wouldn't admit it.

I didn't understand why she was so upset about us _once upon a time _being enemies. It honestly wasn't that big of a deal, we were all past the old grudges we once held. Even my father who was the head cynic about the Cullen's but Ness's father wouldn't like the idea about her leaving Forks.

"You're father won't like this idea," I stated following her down the road. I caught up with her and observed her mood.

She speed walk getting closer and closer to my home, she bit her lip nervously then her thumb moved to her mouth where she bite at her nail. She always seemed to wear her heart on her sleeve. I had to call her out on her actions.

"Don't do that." I moved her hand from her mouth.

She pulled her hand to her chest and asked, "So, Are you, fine with me going alone?"

We were now walking across the lawn to the side of the house and to my make-shift garage.

"If it's really what you want, I guess. At least I know you can protect yourself," But I put more thought into it, _what was the one thing that could hurt Ness?_ "Unless you run across the Volturi. No, nope," I said waving both my hands in front of myself very disapproving, " I change my mind, you can't go."

"Jake?" she questioned tilting her head waiting for my say-so.

"Ness I don't like to boss you around or anyone else for that matter but they're dangerous."

"Not really they like me." The way she said that was so calm and it irritated me.

" They liked you so much they cut , bruised and attempted to drug you up!" Wow, word vomit. I didn't mean to let that slip but it did.

"Damn it! You were eaves dropping!" she pointed at me, walking over to the Rabbit. Of course I followed.

"Yeah I was, " I admitted, "When did you plan on telling me?"

"I didn't want to remember any of it! S*** all you had to do was ask me!" she yelled trying to open the car door.

I rubbed my head in frustration.

"I want to go home." She said still attempting to get into the Rabbit. I reached inside my gym shorts pocket and retrieved my keys and unlocked the passenger's side of the car.

This was officially our first fight, with the exception of the one we had in London. It was similar to this fight except then were hadn't found out we were in love with one another. We were past that now, we knew we loved each other. The hard part was getting to know each others flaws. Apparently I didn't communicate well. I didn't want to push the issue because I didn't want her to be upset and just like most of my instincts I was right.

She stared out the car window at the millions of green trees. I knew she was trying her hardest to ignore me because there wasn't much to look at except the trees, they all looked exactly the same. Once you've seen one you've seen 'em all. I could also tell she was angry when she wouldn't sing along with the radio. when her favorite song came on I gazed over at her but she didn't even tap her foot. Most of the car ride over to her house was quiet until I broke the silence.

" You're dad won't like this."

She finally looked over to me and offensively stated, "But momma would let me and Rosalie."

"No," I shook my head watching the road, "I don't think they would."

"We'll see about that," she snarled turning her attention back out the window.

"I don't want to go to school, not just yet anyways." Ness argued with her parents.

Edward paced as Bella and Ness sat on the small loveseat in their cottage. I stood behind the couch waiting for his reaction. Hoping he would say no.

He halted briefly turning to Ness, "But you were so adamant about going to school."

"I think, I want to travel, see the world."

Edward began pacing again, "Renesmee, I can't allow that. You have an eternity to see the entire world, every state, every country and every ocean."

"But-" Ness started before Edward cut her off.

As glad as I was that he had put his foot down, I didn't like knowing Nessie's dreams were being crushed right infront of her eyes.

"No," Edward said.

Bella wrapped her stone cold arms around Renesmee and uttered, "Edward, how can we say no to something she wants so much?"

"Bells-" He began but I cut him off.

"Ed she's right, this is what she wants." _Even though I was a hundred percent against this, I didn't want Renesmee to resent me for trying to control her life. _

"It'll be me not you." He stated then sighed, "On one condition."

"Anything," she accepted with such approval and she didn't even know her father's conditions.

"Jacob goes with you."

"I don't need a body guard." She voiced her anguish.

Edward stopped pacing and sat on the coffee table directly infront of Bella and Renesmee."He's a companion not a body guard. He'll just happen to be there if something puts you in danger."

"I like this idea," I said. _I do, I could be there to protect her but she wanted to go alone._

Edward could hear my thoughts but neither Bella or Ness knew about our silent conversation.

"Well, I don't." Bella sulked about the idea of me traveling with Renesmee.

Edward took a hold of Bella's hands and softly stroked the top with his other. _Geez what a_ _marshmellow, I've never seen a guy so emotional_. He raised his eyebrow at me,_ Yeah I know I'm a hypocrite. _I acted the same exact way with much as I wanted to touch her and comfort her at this moment she was angry with me. I was being so irrational and emotional at this very moment I couldn't control my thoughts around Edward the way I usually did.

"Bella, we both know she'll be safe with him." Edward said still patting her hand.

"But what if-" She brought her comment to a stand still and I knew what she was implying. I stared at the back of her head. _FYI sister we've already had sex._

Instantly Edwards eyes flew to me in disgust but neither Bella nor Ness caught his expression since I was standing behind them and they both were not paying much attention to either of us.

Edward deeply sighed. "Bella, it's not up to me, or you."

When he said those words I was shocked, I was shocked that he wasn't ripping my head off at this second.

"Yeah you are," he said directed at me.

Bella sat up and walked over to the other side of the room. "I just don't want anything to happen to her and you know what I mean."

"It's not up to us, " Edward stood up walking over to her, "it's her choice."

" What are you talking about?" Ness wondered. I walked around the couch and sat next to her and stated, "Nothing, Ness. We just worry about your safety that's all."

She scooted forward on the couch anxiously trying to persuade them,"You know I won't put myself in harms way, just let me do this alone. I can handle it."

Unexpectedly Bella gave her input, "Edward, she can go alone."

_The Volturi? _I wondered placing my hand on Ness's knee.

"What if the Volturi comes back for her though?" Bella asked the same question I had.

"You'll be there than." Edward reveled pointing at me.

Bella shook her head. "I'm uncomfortable with that idea."

"Send anyone, I don't care, as long as Ness does what she wants to." I expressed clearly what I thought was suitable.

"Maybe, we could-" Bella started.

"Why do you act like I'm not in the same room? I want to go alone and if I can't, I guess the only person I would want with me is Jake, but Momma doesn't want him to go, and we know momma always gets her way. So I'm not going." She spoke impartial and walked out of the room.

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**CHAPTER 3 preview**

Ness goes to a bon fire with Jake and hears in more detail about imprinting, something Jacob wasn't to happy about.


	47. Chapter 3 Note to Self

**REMINDER: If you haven't read Last Sunrise I _STRONGLY _suggest you do to follow this story. **

**Author's Note: Gosh, this is another long one. Ness is being weird and Jacob's being irrational. What's up with these two? ****I hope as you are reading this you feel frustrated with how they are acting, that means I got my point across. **

**Now I'm going to be mean and require that there are at least 5-10 reviews for me to move on the the next chapter, Muah ha ha!**

** Also tell me what you think Jacob should do, (In review or messaging) I'm just curious. **

**REVIEW, just do it!**

** Happy Reading. I own nothing. **

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Chapter 3 Note to self: Bon Fire's upset Ness

After that ridiculous first fight Ness instantly dropped it, she didn't really care. We went about I lives as if we never were angry with each other. It was nice to know she didn't hold grudges. Thanksgiving came and went. Not much happened except a giant meal Esme made. Charlie still gave me an odd look sometimes, and I noticed that he gave everyone that look now. Always questioning who may be a werewolf like I was. Rosalie and Emmett have been missing since we returned to Washington from Moscow. They travelled around with Lily in tow. I wondered if this is where Ness's screw ball idea of voyaging through the world came about.

Bella was still undecided about me travelling with her but whether or not I was going, Ness still wanted to go. While I internally condemned Renesmee's choice to travel, I still helped her plan out her trip. She planned to head down to through Mexico then to South America. She had hopes to meet up with Nahuel to see how the search for Joham was going. After we decided that heading straight to Africa, specifically she wanted to visit Egypt. Since she's already been to part of Europe she made the choice to head through Asia. After that she'd go to Hawaii then come home.

This trip was going to take a month, and that's without all the spur of the moment visits she might make. Adding those would most likely stretch her travel plan to two months. She reassured me she wasn't going to leave until after New Year's which was in six weeks. The dread of our relationship changing was my worst fear. Yes, the separation from her would be painful but what if our time apart changed her mind about our bond. What if she come across a man who she believed to be better than I was?

I'll leave that thought deep in the crevices of my mind and spend as much time as I could with Renesmee. I set off to see Ness tonight in hopes to get her to visit her Quiluete family at our bi-monthy bon fire. As I stepped onto the porch Edward was already waiting for me.

Defensively Edward stood with his arms folded over his chest. "Jacob we need to talk."

_Crap, it this about what I said the other week? _His head bobbed up and down, I wasn't expected to be investigated and lectured. I accidentally let it slip in my mind that Ness and I had sex but at least he waited until after Thanksgiving to tear my limbs off. Hopefully he'd wait until after Christmas also.

"Jacob I know you love Renesmee, there's no questioning that. But," he paused causing me suspense, "I can't trust you."

"That's understandable," I was in agreeance.. _I won't do it again, I wasn't thinking clearly._ I thought.

"It was right after we got her from Moscow wasn't it?"

I nodded, " In London." _I wasn't thinking clearly. _I thought frantically. I really did want his trust, he was Renesmee's father, I needed his approval. Actually, I needed Bella's approval she still didn't know about Renesmee and I being officially boyfriend, girlfriend.

"I heard you the first time, I know you can control yourself. You can manage your thoughts and your phasing but why didn't you control this?" he grunted, with a much more heated tone he continued, "How could you defile me daughter?" His lip curled back.

"It's not like that!" I shouted.

Bella walked out the front door with a purse hung over her shoulder. "What are you two shouting about?" She asked not paying much attention to either Edward nor me as she searched around her purse.

"Renesmee."

"Of course," she rolled her eyes. When she found a pair of keys she noticed I was standing there and walked over to give me a hug. "Hey Jake," she smiled.

"Hey Bells."

"Edward I'm going to go with Alice to buy something for the new house they're flipping."

"Alright," he agreed giving her a kiss.

" I'll see you guys later," She said running to the Cullen's mansion.

When she was gone I finished cursing Edward for suggesting I used his daughter in such a vulgar way, when he clearly knew she meant the world to me.

" I didn't defile her! You know don't think that way. I love her!"

"You thought about Bella that way!"

"Edward shut the hell up about that, it was over a decade ago."

"You're right," he groaned, "but explain to me why you couldn't wait?" he asked loosening his tense muscles.

" The night before her wedding she asked me to kiss her. I tried hard not to because I wasn't supposed to make a move on her until she was sixteen like you asked but, she wanted me to be her first kiss. How could I deny her that? After I asked her if she loved me and she said no. When she left, for what I assumed was her honeymoon, I craved her presence. Everywhere I turned it reminded me of her. Even the loose thread on the hem of my shirt reminded me of her. I felt tortured, I felt like I was dying. I didn't want to hang around and see her married. I had to leave. I came back a month later because I needed to see her, married or not, I wanted to be around her."

"You could have saved yourself the trouble if you didn't leave the wedding early. You would have seen her tell Nahuel she couldn't marry him."

"Quit throwing the past in my face." I demanded in an austere tone, my Alpha tone. " When we had that lay over in London she just came out and admitted she loved me and explained why she lied. We just," I sort of felt uncomfortable talking about this but Edward already knew. I scratched at my scalp and let my timid voice speak, " We took things too far and I regretted it the next morning. I always lectured her on staying a virgin until she was married and I just was a hypocrite."

Breathing a heavy sigh he leaned against the siding of the cottage, "Jacob, people make mistakes and I understand you two are very in love but…"

"Edward trust me, _you've heard my thoughts no more sex, not until we married. If she wants to marry me."_

"I kind of want to kill you," he chuckled. I just couldn't believe he was being easy going, especially about this situation, " but Ness loves you and you've always had my daughter's best interest at heart."

"Always."

"From now on take it slow."

"Am I allowed to take her to a Bon Fire?" I asked following him into the cottage's pale green door.

He nodded.

I walked into Ness's room where she sat cross legged and lying on the floor was a now five year old looking Lily.

"Hi Jakey," Lily greeted looking up and focusing back on what she was doing.

I walked over to Ness planting a kiss on the crown of her head. I could smell not only her distinct scent but the aroma of her shampoo, she must have changed her brand or something.

" Hey baby," I greeted.

Her hazel eyes peered up at me and rolled like a teenager would so if they found something annoyed. "Don't call me baby, I have a name," She spoke playfully.

I sat on the bed gazing down at the floor watching what Ness and Lily were doing. She was learning to write her name, very neatly I might add. Lily was smart but not nearly as brilliant as Renesmee was.

"Kay, write it in cursive now," Renesmee ordered writing Lillian Hale Cullen in cursive and passing the paper over to Lily. Renesmee was so even-tempered and nurturing. Ness leaned back on my knees as she kept encouraging Lily to write. Watching her do this just made me think about what an amazing mother she would be, or could have been.

"Look, look I did it!" Lily hoped up jumping up and down waving the paper around. "Look Jakey."

"Lets see," I said holding my hand out for the paper. "That doesn't say your name, that's my name," I teased her handing back the paper.

"Your silly. Your name isn't Lillian Hale Cullen, that's my name," she giggled handing the paper to Ness showing how proud she was of her work. Renesmee began to shift and I helped her up stand up.

"It's beautiful Lils, you want to hang it on the fridge?" Ness asked.

"Yeah, yeah." The blued eyed girl snatched the paper from Ness running out of the room.

We followed Lily, I trailed along behind Ness and talked. "Hey were you still up to going to the Bon Fire?"

"I want to but I'm baby sitting Lily."

"Bring her along"

"Is Sam bring Kai and Little Sam?" she wondered about Sam and Emily's two kids.

"Yeah. Rach is bringing her belly too. I know Claire wants to see you."

We were now in the kitchen where Lily was whining for a snack. Ness grabbed a go-gurt and set Lily up on the counter. Lily didn't budge as her now opened snack was handed to her. Ness protectively stood infront of Lily making sure she wouldn't fall. While her little feet swung back and forth she enjoyed her snack.

"I haven't been spending much time with Claire or anyone else either," she stared of into the distance. I knew she felt guilty for something she didn't need to feel guilt about, She popped her head up to meet my gaze and asked, "Is Rebecca going?"

"No, she went back to Hawaii to smooth things over with her husband."

"That's good," she responded clipping a barret into Lily's straight bobbed ebony hair. Yeah I knew about hair products and accessories, I used to do Ness's hair.

"Yeah, she misses him."

"When are we going to see Seth?" Lily interrupted handing Ness her trash.

"Tonight," she answered lifting her off the counter, "Go get your shoes on. Grab your jacket it's cold!"

Lily ran out of the room screaming Yay! Ness walked over to me and wrapped her arms tightly around me leaning her forehead to my chest.

"Is there going to be food?" she raised the question.

"Food and stories as always."

"Let's stop by the store I'm sure the kids will need a distraction they don't pay much attention to the stories anyways."

"Good idea."

"Hot chocolate too, since it's so cold."

We walked along a tiny trail to the cliff side meeting sight. The fire's smokey smell hung in the air. The sun was just beginning to set but it was still brightly lit out.I held the grocery bags of the essential smore stuff and Ness held Lily's hand.

"Nessie, why we walking so slow?" It was a reasonable question for a child such as Lily who was used to her parents running around at light speed. She pulled impatiently at Renesmee but she didn't budge. Lily hit Ness's leg aggravated. She was throwing a mild fit. She was pretty well behaved but she did somehow inherit Rosalie's temperament.

"Be patient," Ness lightly tugged at her hand. Lily looked up at Ness and knew she meant business.

Nessie attmepted to refocus Lily by having a conversation with her. Ness lifted her up and placed the girl on her hip bone. "Now listen, No hitting or biting. You need to behave yourself."

Lily frowned as Renesmee continued and I shadowed their path. Ness continued, " You know how we have our family?"

"Yeah." Lily said.

"Well, these people you're about to meet; _They are mine and Jakey's family_, you need to be very polite." I smiled when she exaggerate the part about how we were family.

"If I'm polite can I see Seth?" What was Lily's obsession with Seth? Renesmee said she showed her visions of the pack and for some reason Seth was stuck in this girls mind.

"Yes, but you need to listen to me really good." Her tiny now blue eyes lit up. Her head bounced up and down in anticipation. As we walked up some people waved and other's were too busy roasting hot dogs over the flame or already stuffing their faces with food.

Ness was still holding Lily on her hip. Lily rested her head on Ness's shoulder when Ness stopped and I passed her by. I turned still holding the groceries, "What is it Ness?"

"Why is Seth staring at me like that?" she questioned with her brows furrowed. I looked over to Seth who was immovable and adamantly staring at…… Lily. _Shit _I thought.

"I don't think he's looking at you." I told Ness.

"Seth!" Lily shouted reaching out for him. She jumped out of Ness's arms and ran up to him and wrapping her arms around his leg.

"Who's this?" Seth questioned picking her up.

"This is Lily. She wanted to meet you," Ness spoke.

"Jacob, I-I think I just, I-I just…" Seth stumbled over his words but I knew what he was going to say.

Ness sort have felt frustrated and showed it in her tone."Spit it out Seth."

"I think I just imprinted."

Ness's face went paler than usual. She looked over to me with no sight of a illustration on her face. She had no expression. Her voice cracked and she said, "I'm going to say hi to Rachel and Emily," then she walked away.

"Well talk about it later," I told Seth before following Ness.

She was already sitting talking to Rachel and Leah. I was surprised to see her and Leah getting along so well. I decided to let it alone. Eventually, Ness had to pry Lily apart from Seth and feed her. After everyone ate Ness made smores for the kids and hot chocolate for everyone, she finally sat down. Everyone hovered around the fire to listen to the legends. Lily happily sat on Seth's lap on the ground. Ness and I sat next to each other on a log I and Paul moved over near the fire.

I didn't pay much attention to my father telling the stories tonight, I knew them by heart and have been hearing them since I was little as bedtime stories. I knew them better than my dad. I gazed around at my pack, my brothers, my family.

Kai (5) sat with Collin. She was very calm and shy and as for her little brother, Sam Jr. (3) was a live wire. I could see the layer of chocolate and marshmellow smeared across his face. I wasn't sure if chocolate was a good thing to give to him. In a few minutes he was going to be a live wire. Emily and Sam had made I and Leah their godparents.

Jared and Kim have been married for eight years. They wanted to financially establish themselves before having kids and now they could try since each had stability co-owning the Newton's old sports store with Sam and Emily.

As for Quil he was patiently waiting for Claire to grow up. She was now thirteen and deeply in love with him but he was waiting until she was fifteen. Paul and my sister, Rachel secretly got married, my dad still bitches about that one but they held a mock wedding so my dad could walk, or roll her down the aisle. Last year she had a miscarriage that devastated them both, but now she was three months along and you could tell, the kid was going to have a big head like Paul. Leah and Embry hadn't imprinted yet nor Brady. Collin imprinted on Kai when she was about a week old and apparently Seth had just imprinted on Lily.

As Billy kept telling the stories I pulled Ness close. It was the beginning of December and of course she would be sort of cold but she was freezing.I began putting friction on her arms to warm her. "You're so cold Ness."

"I know," she responded very weakly staring into the flame.

"I brought a blanket," I stated. She's been very cold lately but now she was emotionally being cold. "It's in the car let me go get it."

"I'll go with you?" she said without a thought it sounded like a question.

"Stay by the fire and stay warm. I'll be back," I stated kissing at the top of her head.

"Kay."

I ran down the trail to where my car was parked and as I turned Ness was already stomping her way to the car.

"I want to go home," she ordered.

"Wait why?"

"Just take me home." She was pulling at the door handle, when I heard a metallic crack, then a crunch. I hope she didnt' put a dent in my car.

"What about Lily?" I wondered.

"Seth's letting her say bye and bringing her right now."

She threw a something to the dirt of the ground. I walked over to find the door handle on the ground.

"I'll pay for your door handle," she said climbing in the car on the driver's side. I wasn't sure what was wrong with her, I don't think it was me. Was it?

She didn't sing along with the radio and she stared at the dashboard so indignant and angry I could have sworn she was trying to melt it. I pulled up to her house around eight forty. Ness hoped out through my side of the car and woke Lily up.

"Lily come on, we're home," she picked her up. She left Lily's beanie and gloves she had been wearing out in the cold weather. I handed them to her and she said, "Thanks, I'll see you later." She stated , not giving me a kiss or showing any form of affection.

I went home and waited for my father. I bombarded him with questions. I found out he started telling the story of imprinting, which pissed me off. He knew, I didn't want Ness knowing about it. The less she knew the better.

"Damn it Dad! You know I don't want her hearing that story." I cursed at him.

Scolding me my father spoke in his regal tone, "Jacob you may be alpha but I'm your father and you don't tell me what to do."

"She already knew about it, but now she knows more than she needs to know."

"She didn't even hear the story as soon as I said the word 'imprint' she got up and left. She didn't look angry she said it was getting late and she needed to take Lily home."

"When she came to the car she was pissed, she pulled the door handle off and she put a dent in the Rabbit. She shouldn't know about imprinting."

" You're not thinking clearly son, just tell her."

I grunted in frustration he didn't understand, no one understood. Yet again I'll explain my reasoning. "I don't want this to backfire. I love her and I don't want her to believe it's only because the imprint."

"I don't see how something as amazing as being an imprint would upset her." Sighing he wheeled himself into his room and I began to go to my own room. Billy turned and looked at me, ". As your father I'm only here to guide you. Your old enough to make your own decisions, even if they are stupid."

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In chapter 4 **Ness's POV about the bon fire. Well see what triggered her little episode.


	48. Chapter 4 Imprinting Sucks

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: In life nothing is perfect. There are many misunderstandings and miscommunications and in Jacob and Renesmee's life, there is no difference. They don't live in a fairytale world though they wished everything was that easy.**

**This imprinting topic will stretch for awhile since Jacob is stubborn as is Renesmee on her thoughts about imprinting. **

**Chapter 4 Imprinting Sucks!**

(Renesmee's POV)

Traveling seemed like a good escape but would it really make my problems go away? I wanted to forget about what happened in Moscow. Jacob coming along would be a dream come true but that would just increase his chances of imprinting. Having him come along wasn't wise on my part but he was going to imprint eventually. I went back and forth on deciding if I wanted him to come along, if he did it would just ruin things. I want to live as normally as human would. No vampires, no Volturi, no werewolves, no imprinting. I would like to live in the world were all of that was make believe, where it didn't exist. Was it so wrong to want to get away and forget your concerns?

That's why I got angry with him and the eavesdropping annoyed me too. All he had to do was ask about what happened to me, what the Volturi did to me. Was it so hard, lately he was always being too cautious with me, something I wasn't used to. His straight forward attitude turned into a waiting game. He just was waiting for me to talk, but I didn't want to. If he had questions I would answer but I wasn't about to bring up the pain I was in and what I went through in Russia.

Rosalie and Emmett had just came back after Thanksgiving. Some time was spent in Denali with

Knowing they would probably want a night off from parenthood I offered to take her for the night. I missed her, I haven't seen her since we came back from Moscow.

"Hey Nudge I'm going to go with Alice and Esme to Port Angeles Do you and Lily want to come?"

"When will you get back?"

"About nine or this evening, maybe later."

"It's not like that!" Jake shouted from towards the front door. As soon as I heard his voice I knew he was near and all my senses heightened. I inhaled deeply trying to smell his woodsy aroma. His light scent did hit my nostrils but it wasn't enough.

"Uhm," I remembered momma was talking to me, " naw I should just stay here."

"You sure?" she questioned, tilting her head. Her eyebrows lifted high, making her forehead wrinkle. "We're going to home improvement store."

I was about to say yes, I loved home improvement stores. I enjoyed looking at flooring, lighting, carpeting, furniture and all the rest of the home deco stuff. As strange as it may seem I enjoyed imagining how I could beautify an old home with all these things scattered around the store. I even tried to convince Billy a few times but he was awfully prideful. The old man was stuck in his ways.

Then Bella made an effort to bribe me with food, " I'll take you to dinner."

But Jake's voice rang in my ears, "… I love her!" I wondered what and who he was talking to. That was dumb I knew he was having an argument with my dad, about me. Maybe he was telling Jake to break it off, because we all knew there was no good outcome for me or any girl with a wolf who hadn't imprinted.

"Ness?" Momma interrupted, "You've been acting strange lately."

"I'm fine, just feeling a bit off."

"You should probably talk to Carlisle. So yes or no? I will take you to eat."

"No thanks I might take Lily to the bon fire tonight, we could eat there."

"Alright bye Renesmee." She bent over and gave me a hug and a kiss on my cheek.

"Bye Momma."

"Bye Auntie Bella," Lily said with a toothy grin.

"Bye Lils."

Jake walked into my room planting a kiss on the top of my head. Lily said hello not really waiting for his response.

" Hey baby," he greeted.

I hated it when he called me that, I wasn't Bella and he wasn't Edward. I didn't like pet names or overly romantic gestures twenty four hours a day seven days a week.

"Don't call me baby, I have a name," I acted angry but he knew I was teasing him. He walked positioned himself behind me and sat down on the bed. Lillian smiled showing me how nicely she wrote her name.

"Kay, write it in cursive now," I told her writing her full name so she could, copy it.

I comfortably leaned my back against Jacob's legs watching Lily finishing up writing her name. I could feel the heat from legs emitting through his jeans. It was nice, since lately I've been so cold. I wondered if those drugs the Volturi put in me may now having some effect on me.

Proping my head on Jacob's knee I was glancing down at his boots, I saw that one was untied. Unknowing to him I tied it, I'm sure he didn't even take notice as messed with a strand of my hair.

"Look, look I did it!" Lily hoped up jumping up and down waving the paper around. "Look Jakey."

"Lets see," he stated stretching his arm over my head reaching for Lily's paper. "That doesn't say your name, that's my name," he teased handing it back to her.

"You're silly. Your name isn't Lillian Hale Cullen, that's my name," she giggled handing the paper to me. I knew how proud she was of it. Her temperament was a hundred times different since that first day I spent in Russia.

Then she was scared and crying constantly. It took her a few days to be completely at ease with me, I began to see her act like an actual child. She started smiling and giggling and even throwing fits. She's been gone with Rose and Emmett for a few months now traveling.

I knew I had to be fragile with her since she still mentioned Jane every so often. I had to remind myself to treat her extra special and make her feel of worth. When we were in Russia she kept calling herself 'stupid Halfling.' Which angered me, I knew every Volturi member that came in contact with her called her that. To boost her ego, I decided to let her display her work.

Attempting to stand, Jake hoisted me up, by placing his hands under my armpits and lifting.

"It's beautiful Lils, you want to hang it on the fridge?"

"Yeah, yeah." She grabbed the paper out of my hand and ran out of the room. I momentarily looked down at the large mess on my bedroom floor. Crayons, markers and papers spread around. _Children. I'll never have my own children. _Did I really want children? I didn't start thinking about it until I knew my the possibilities were slim to none. Maybe if I never questioned it, it wouldn't matter to me. Maybe if I didn't have an amazing boyfriend, I wouldn't think about having his children.

I guess being barren is a good thing though, he shouldn't carry the guilt of leaving me and his child behind. That thought hurt to, the almost positive possibility of him picking up and leaving.

As we walked closer to the fire and large gathering of people I felt my blood run cold and right away it was back to normal. I spotted Seth and waved hello. He waved back giving me an odd grimance. The way he looked at me frightened me but not a bit of fear was felt. It was difficult to explain how his face looked. It carried care and love also a recognition of his adulation for, me? I stopped dead in my tracks suddenly feeling uncomfortable. I stopped looking at Seth and looked to the dirt beneath my feet. Lily hung on my hip, her head buried in the crook of my neck. She was slightly still pouting after I reprimanded her for an outburst. She twirled a strand of my hair between her fingers, humming. When I looked back up to Seth he was still staring.

Jake breezed by me and turned, he frowned noticing my stand still.

"What is it Ness?"

"Why is Seth staring at me like that?" I wondered, it felt weird. Jacob looked over to Seth, I watch as Jake trailed Seth's vision but he Jacob's eyes were on Lillian.

"I don't think he's looking at you."

The little girl that was once resting comfortable on my hip made a sudden jerk. She outstretched her arms reaching.

"Seth!" Lily shouted. I forgot how fond she was of Seth. I should have never showed him the vision of him. Her squirming was becoming difficult for me to keep holding her. As soon as I set her down, she was off like a flash. She instantly went to Seth engulfing his leg into a hug.

I followed closely behind. Seth peered down at Lily and back at me, "Who's this?" he inquired picking her up.

"This is Lily. She wanted to meet you." Jacob was now behind me.

As Seth and Lily looked at one another, Seth mumbled, "Jacob, I-I think I just, I-I just…"

I felt nervous and anxious about what he was going to say next. I felt the lump in my throat swelling up. While I waited for Seth to talk and in each second I felt the lump grow. Becoming agitated I harshly ordered, "Spit it out Seth."

"I think I just imprinted."

The lump in my throat stopped growing and fell to the bottom of my stomach. I felt the blood leave my face and it felt like the bags under my eyes weighted ten pounds.

I scanned the scenery around me. Trees to left and the sun's orange glaze rested over the ocean. The sun was setting and Quil was throwing more wood to the fire. Claire was at his side helping. I spotted Leah and Rachel talking to one another. I was going to attempt to forget about the news of Seth imprinting. Hopefully, I could feel so uncomfortable around Leah that I wouldn't think about the reality that all the pack were eventually going to imprint.

I turned to Jacob saying, "I'm going to go say hi to Rachel and Leah."

I took off, saying hi to them. Jacob of course followed sending me weird expressions. "Hi Rach," I greeted and gave her a hug. "Hey Leah."

"Hi, Ness. Hey Jake." The way she said hi to him irritated me. At the moment she said his name she let her knuckles brush his forearm. Almost like flirting.

"Hey Leah, Hey Rach." He acknowledged both of them. I started talking to Rach about when her baby was due and Jacob left. We talked a little. Leah was actually nice to me tonight, it wasn't something I was used to. Rachel was talking about how Paul swore her house has been haunted since she's become pregnant, but it only happens when Rachel is sleeping. I just rolled my eyes at that, I think he just wanted attention from Rach.

I finally made my way over to Claire, she knew about me being half vampire just as she knew about Quil being about wolf. We started talking about how Seth imprinted. Quil mentioned that Seth was smart not to get himself into a relationship and have to leave that girl for his imprint like Leah and Sam. I asked about what happened with Sam and Leah. Quil went on about it and Embry joined in. It just upset me and Embry could tell. He just gave me a hug and suggested that I not be upset. Leah was over it and though Sam carried guilt till this day he was at peace with what had happened.

After everyone had finished eating, everyone found their seat around the diming fire. Orange from the fading flame graced everyone's. Rachel and Paul sat next to me and Jake. Paul had his hand lightly touching Rachel's baby bulge. Across from me was Emily and Sam Sam Jr. sat on Emily's lap licking his fingers collecting the melted chocolate and sticky marshmellow off his hands. Kim and Jared made googley eyes at on another all night and it pissed me off. Another imprinted pair. Quil and Claire were apparently in charge of the fire as they threw more wood on. Seth sat next to me on the ground leaning against the log. Seth cradled Lily in his arms. Smiling and gazing at her as she yawned.

That stare was familiar, it was how the imprinter looked at the imprintee. I like to tell myself that Jake looked at me that way, though it wasn't. It gave me hope though that maybe Jake did imprint on me. But Jacob would never lie to me, he was so upfront and forward about things. No matter how small or big , sad or uncomfortable the situation was he would be honest. It was just another reason on my list, of why I love him. Why would he lie about something as major as imprinting?

For a brief moment I was jealous of that little girl. She already had an imprint, she had what I wanted. Thank goodness Jake didn't imprint on her. I almost hated everyone who sat around this camp fire.

Billy was speaking of Taha Aki and the spirit warriors but I couldn't focus on the story. All I kept thinking about was Sam and Leah. It was odd to think that Leah and Sam were ever together, I've always seen him with Emily. Did I really want to go through that? Could I let Jake go through this? To let him feel guilty. Thank goodness I was infertile, having a child with him was useless. Him leaving us behind would be more painful than if I just broke it off with him now.

Jake starched one arm around me and he felt my hand.

"You're so cold Ness."

"I know," I answered inexpressive.

He said something about getting a blanket and I responded to him not exactly sure what I said. All night I've been not ignoring him but passive with him. I was too preoccupied in my own thoughts.

Everything that had happened to me and Jacob was in vain. I had to break this off before I got deeper than I was. Tear hung on the rim of my eyes but I quickly shook my sensation of crying off. Biting my top lip, I knew what I had to do. I had to break up with him

When I heard Billy utter the word imprint, I made up my mind I had to let him go and I had to leave before I would burst into tears. I couldn't hear about the imprinting. I turned to Seth and used the time as an excuse to leave.

"Seth we have to go it's getting late."

"Ah Ness, please stay longer, " Seth begged.

"No, look at her," I pointed at my sleeping cousin, " she's tired I need to take her home."

"You're right."

"I'll meet you at the car."

As fast as I could I made it down to Jake's car. It's been a while since I've used vampire speed. Jake was walking up to me with blanket in hand.

"I want to go home," I muttered stepping on the passenger side door.

I grabbed the handle denting it. It was as if I had just pressed my hand around play-doh. I alarmed myself doing that, it's been so long since I've lost control of my strength. In frustration I pulled up and broke the thing off. Ugh! After that, kneed the poor Volkswagen leaving a hardly noticeable dent. I wasn't in control of my emotions but I tried very hard not to start crying.

"Wait why?"

"Just take me home."

"What about Lily?" he asked. Since I couldn't get in on my side I walked over to the driver's seat he already had opened placing the blanket back inside.

"Seth's letting her say bye and bringing her right now."

I threw the door handle to the dirt ground and told him I would pay to replace it.

Driving home, I couldn't gape at the dense forest that we passed by or the cresent moon that hung in the chilly winter sky. Both reminded me of him. I closed my eyes to not see it but the music on the radio made me reminiscence about the thousands of time I drove in his car and sang along to the songs. I just pressed my lips into a hard line and looked at the dashboard trying to concentrate on the sound of the wheels spinning.

When we arrived home I grabbed Lily and said bye to Jake as quickly as I could. I dropped her off with Esme and made it to my room. Walking into both my grandparents home and mine my nose stung. The sweetest scent hit my nose practically burning the hair of in my nostrils. I buried my face into my pillow so I couldn't smell and let myself cry. Only for him I cried. I never cried; when I slipped and fell, when I got my first B on a test, when I first started my period, when I stopped having my period. I only cried when he was in the equation. I was too engaged with him, almost obsessed and possessive.

Tomorrow I had to tell him, I had to put an end to this worthless love affair. Then my body ran cold. Lately, I've been chilly. What if the drugs the Volturi had altered me in some way? I became paranoid and was beginning to feel like a hypochondriac. There had to be something wrong with me. I should probably have a that check up Momma suggested.

Chapter 5 preview

"Hey Nessie!" He smiled happily waving as he jogged over to my side of the road.

"Hi, Jake."

"Hey, where are you going? I was just heading to your house."

"Well I needed to talk to you about some stuff…" His smile faded and I couldn't look at his beautiful face. I don't think I could break up with him at this moment. I planned to do it but not just yet, so I just rambled on about nonsense. " Or I guess I just needed to talk to someone. Rose and Emmett are in Seattle getting Lily some clothes off, Momma and Alice went with them and Daddy and Jazz are hunting. I didn't want to bother Esme she's at that house on Neslon Road she's flipping."

"What about Carlisle?"

"He's busy too. So can we talk?"

"Sure,." His deep brown eyes concentrated on me. He softly placed his hand on my cheek expecting an answer, "Are, are you okay?" When he frowned his nose wrinkled and the edges of his lips fell. He was genuinely concerned for my feelings.

"I'm fine, as far I know."

**What would you guys like me to do to I guess "Spice" things up? Is it interesting enough? **

**Do I need to change something? **

**I need a little input, please. I'm going to take a short break but I'll be back, soon. **


	49. Chapter 5 Hope

**Author's Note: Up sooner than I thought. I will be taking some extra time to update, I need to put some thought into the story (get into their head more) Also I'm going to try very hard to work on my grammar and spelling. Usually, I write this late at night after I get home from work and after re-reading many of my chapter I have noticed missing letters words, punctuation and even comments I wanted to add to the story. **

**Please bare with me... **

**Reminder: Jacob knows Ness like the back of his hand. So, his refusal to tell Ness about the imprinting isn't only based on his promise to Edward and Bella (chapter 5 of Last Sunrise)but he feels he'll save Renesmee the stress of knowing. Either way Ness is going to stress herself out. **

**In this chapter she is going back and forth about breaking up with Jacob. Her thoughts are definantly scattered. Try and sympathize with her. Link up of the scene where Jacob and Renesmee pulled over to the side of the road.**

**I OWN NOTHING... You better review!**

Oh I posted a link on my profile about imprinting, check it out.

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Chapter 5 Hope

**(Renesmee's POV)**

Thoughts, my head was filled with reflection upon today's events and tomorrow's. I've been lying in bed for five hours now. No such luck as to falling asleep. I spent all night contemplating what had just happened at the bon fire. The things that were on my mind: My Jacob, my family, my future, love, death, infertility and… the Volturi. At last I drifted off into weak sleep only to wake up a few hours later in the early morning.

The malaise I was feeling always seemed to dissipate when Jacob came near. But when he left my side for a second, it was an ache I couldn't even explain. Everything in the world didn't seem right. On the whole, the topic that was largely resting in cracks of my brain was imprinting. How exactly did it work? What were Jacob's options? Did he even have choices?

Sam and Leah must have had a rough time dealing with a break up. I made an effort to put myself in Leah's shoes. I could almost imagine what Leah went through: the grief she felt and the heart ache of losing someone you loved. How would it feel to lose someone so special too you? To your own cousin. Even though Leah has always been bitter toward me, I still loved her; she seemed to care about me, she was a part of my pack, Jake's pack. Now I held a new understanding of her. Maybe this was the root of her acidic attitude.

I could carry empathy for her but I could never really comprehend because, I haven't felt what she felt. I prayed I never had to. Maybe this imprinting isn't all that it's cracked up to be. There had to be some down side right? It's like they're all forced to love someone. I head Jared never gave Kim the time off day until he turned wolf and imprinted on her. I had the best of Jacob right now, there was no force and obligation to me, he loved me for me. That thought made me smile.

I had to speculate about the chances of Jake's imprint not even existing yet or perhaps she has died already. Optimism rushed through my body just as the cool tingling sensation overwhelmed my body.

Quickly I got up it was nearly six in the morning. I did my morning routine and when I came out of my room my parents, Alice and Jasper were in the cottage living room speaking about the Volturi and some recent visions Alice had. I said my good mornings to each and I informed my parents I was going to have a checkup done by Carlisle. I rushed over to my grandparents, hoping he hadn't left for work yet. I followed the bacon scent into the kitchen. Esme was in the kitchen searching for a new house to refurbish, since she was nearly done with the three bedroom home on Nelson road. Rose and Emmett were making breakfast for Lillian, who must have still been sleeping.

"Morning Ness," Rosalie smiled.

"Morning," I reciprocated giving her a hug. She handed me a piece of bacon.

"Morning Em, morning Grandma." I addressed them eating the bacon and getting myself a cup of apple juice.

Esme eyed me and wondered, "Renesmee, you're eyes are so hazel sweetie, when's the last time you hunted?"

Suddenly I became conscious that I haven't had blood in over two months, not since the wedding that never occurred, "Gosh, I can't even remember. I was meaning to talk to Carlisle about that anyways, is he still here?"

"Upstairs."

When I went to Carlisle's office he was where I expected, sitting at his desk reading an anatomy book. I cleared my throat to let him know I was there. Raising his head he said, "How is my favorite granddaughter?"

"You can't say that anymore."

He smirked and said, "I didn't mean it, but I can still tell you can't I?"

"That's lying."

"Well I can still make you believe you are my favorite to boost your ego."

"My ego is fine Carlisle," I said rolling my eyes. I got back to business changing my sarcastic tone to serious. " Uhm, I was hoping for a checkup and, do you have time to answer some questions I have?"

He sat up and rummaged through the wood cabinets that lined an entire wall in the huge office. "I have a late shift tonight, so I have all day. Sit on the desk," he suggested.

I did as he asked. Carlisle pulled out my medical chart that stayed in his desk and did the routine checkup. Cold stethoscope against my back and my chest, my eye and ears were checked. While he continued, I made conversation. "Carlisle, I think this is my final check up."

"Oh, and why's that?"

He wrapped the cuff around my arm to check my blood pressure. I could feel the scowl on my face as I spoke, "I've stopped growing, and menstruating."

"Hmmmm? Your heart rate has slowed. It's at a normal humans pace now?" he questioned to himself taking notes then he carried on, "So what questions do you have for me?"

"My eye color has changed," he nodded listening and I continued, "They're hazel now. My body has been acting weird. Like my blood runs cold and I mean that literally. My entire body feels cold, then feels normal. And I have no desire for blood the burning in my throat has dissipated."

"And how long has this been happening?"

"Two months maybe three? I was thinking it's the drugs the Volturi gave me, it has to be."

"I'm not sure what to do Renesmee; it sounds like you have some of the vampire traits coming through. I find it fascinating that your eye color has completely changed. That must have something to do with your craving for blood. You may be going through menopause. "

Playing with the necklace around my neck I proposed, "I was hoping you could do some blood tests."

"How?" he queried, "Renesmee your skin is so tough, like mine. We've tried this when you were younger it didn't work."

"Carlisle, how do you think the Volturi put drugs in my system?" he jerked his head up acknowledging what I had just said. Deep in thought he jotted down my symptoms.

"Explain to me what they did," he asked with his pen fiercely scribbling across the paper.

"They did experiments, like the fertility drugs hoping they could get me to '_reproduce'. _It was hit and miss with the syringes, blades, knives. Anything that could harm a human they wanted to see if it could harm me."

"Did they have an effect on you?"

"I don't know, they put so many into my system at once I usually just felt slow, it was a relief to feel numb."

"What about your skin?"

"The cutting and bruising did happen in certain spots of my body."

"Where exactly?" he asked preparing to write my answer in my medical file.

"Anywhere my veins protruded. The insides of my arms, wrists, back of the knees, the jugular and the lower part of my stomach was sensitive to blades. Like I said it was hit and miss, with the cutting and injections. If the object couldn't pierce the skin in those areas, I would bruise. Oh and apparently parts of my back too."

"What did they do to your back?"

"Nothing, I just have a tattoo there. Tattoo's penetrate the skin so I'm assuming there's some sort of sensitivity on my back."

His vacant face worried me. "When was your last period?"

"About eleven months ago and six months before that," I responded. The withheld information in my mind was now up and front. As I replied I rubbed my arm, the limpness revisited me, as if I had just been injected with some sort of drug. The way the Volturi did hour after hour, day after day.

"They're that sporadic?" He caused me to reexamine this.

"Yeah." I nodded.

"We'll check and see." We did a quick uncomfortable gynologic examine. It was something I've never had to deal with but I couldn't go to a regular doctor, I was half vampire. After, he just took more notes in that damn file and got things ready for titers.

"Your growing has halted in all aspects."

"Finally." I smiled attempting to be witty, my eyebrows raised, " I won't die?"

"No, Renesmee you won't pass away." He answered taking some blood. "Now, I'm going to run every possible test just to be positive nothing is wrong."

I nodded in agreement. He walked to the furthest side of the room and put the two tubes of blood on a stainless steel tray. I had an epiphany and recalled a lingering question I've asked once before.

"Carlisle?"

"Yes," he turned.

"Do you think this is some sort-of half breed menopausal thing?"

"It maybe."

Inhaling I asked, "Does, this mean I could never have kids?" His face held a benevolent expression, "It does doesn't it?"

"I'm afraid so, but let me test the blood and I'll give you a positive answer."

"How long for the results?"

"Give me an hour or so."

"Alright," I jumped of the desk, "I'm gonna head to La Push, can you tell momma and daddy for me?"

"Yes, have fun with Jacob."

Things came to perspective for me. Knowing I couldn't have kids hurt but that was a hurdle I would jump some other time. Now, as I drove down to La Push, I had to deal with Jacob. I turned the radio off so I could organize the million thoughts that were in my brain.

Was I ready to break up with him? No. Did I want to break up with him? No. But would it make our lives easier, simpler, and less dramatic? Yes. It was going to kill me to let him go. I would need to ostracize myself from the pack, something that was going to break my heart. They were my family, my pack.

Driving down La Push Road, I could see Jake's red Rabbit coming from the opposite direction. I pulled over on the side of the road placing momma's old Chevy in park. He rolled to a stop across the street and he hoped out. Waiting for a car to pass.

"Hey Nessie!" He smiled happily waving as he jogged over to my side of the road. I loved the sparkle he got in his eye every time he saw me, the way I could tell he loved me.

"Hi, Jake."

"I see the Chevy's holding up well," he said, landing his hand flat on the hood.

"The best mechanic in Washington worked on it," I flirted, " And if it ever breaks down I may have to take it to someone else."

"Whaaaat?" he exclaimed playing along.

"I'll have too. Apparently you didn't fix it to well the first time."

"It's still running and I guarantee you'll never need to see another mechanic."

We just laughed about it as he gave me the familiar giant bear hug I loved. Walking to the back of the truck, he opened the tail gate. He lifted me up and wedged himself between my legs before kissing my forehead. I wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him a giant lust driven kiss, tongue and all. _Those stupid thoughts are back again. _ Am I going to end this relationship now? Maybe but I had to get a kiss in before it was over. As turned on as I was, he of course pulled apart finishing the kiss to the top of my head.

Gazing at his tan eyes, I wondered how anyone as gorgeous and caring as Jacob couldn't find a date all these years. With the exception of Leah. Why did I encourage him to go out with her? (chapter 22-Last Sunrise) Oh yeah, because I wanted him happy. Then, I wasn't fully aware of my feelings for him until I was told so.

Like I said when he was gone and out of sight I couldn't even feel the least bit content no matter how well my day has gone. I always had the worst possibilities draped over my thoughts. I lost countless nights of sleep over that man. Whether it be good thoughts or bad, he was constantly on my mind. My thoughts were like a factory that ran twenty-four seven but the factory didn't have properly functioning machinery. It _was_ as if I couldn't function without him. I hardly existed. The world stood still and it didn't continue rotating until he was back in my presence or I was back in his arms.

Pressing me fingers through his hair that slightly hung over his forehead, he conferred, "Where were you going? I was just heading to your house."

"Well I needed to talk to you about some stuff…" _Okay Ness just do it, just break up with him._

No such luck my heart wouldn't let me, he was true amazing to just let go. Being with him felt right. "…Or I guess I just needed to talk to someone."

The truck weighed down when he sat next to me.

" So can we talk?" I wondered if my lips were trembling, if seemed as if it was but I tried hard not to let it shake.

"Sure, are, are you okay?" Staring straight ahead at the side of the road, I could see him staring at me, out of the corner of my eye.

"I'm fine. As far I know."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I stopped growing," I consented pulling my head up, meeting his deep brown eyes that concentrated on me. When he frowned his nose wrinkled and the edges of his lips fell. True concern. Only someone that is that loved someone would act the way he did around me. I just smiled. _Screw the imprint; I should just stick it out with him. His imprint may no longer exist or not exist yet. _

"And you said you're happy about it right? Your growing must have stopped, no more worrying about dying before all of us," he leered revealing those pearly whites._ How the hell did he know me so well?_

"I was happy, because I finally stopped growing, but then it hit me, this could be menopause. I can never have children. If, "I licked my bottom lip nervously gaping my words, "I, knew there was positivity that I could never have kids, I would have already been having them." Thinking to myself_ Yours perhaps. "_Or I woulda kept Lily for myself." He didn't say a word; I know he didn't know what to say, so I continued talking, "I know pretty selfish right? Rosalie's one desire in life was to have a kid and I could have been havin kids for years now."

"But you did the right thing; I've never seen Blondie so happy."

No longer looking at him, I felt a cool December breeze hit my face, "But will I ever be that happy?"

Wrapping one strong warm arm around me he articulated something I hoped was true, "Renesmee, you will, be happy. I swear on it."

As he kissed the side of my head, leaving a warmth there. Gnawing on the side of my cheek I could taste the blood. "Will I ever have the happiness of motherhood?"

"There are so many orphans out there-" he began.

"I've seen too much death," the release from my mouth stark, but if he knew what I witnessed in Russia. "I don't want to watch my child pass away."

Covering my eyes with one hand, he tried to cheer me up with his ideas. "Maybe when they're old enough, they can be turned…"

"No," I interrupted.

"… or there may be another child like you, you found Lily so maybe we could find another hybrid."

"No, no, " I shook my head, "I'm just upset. In the last year kids have been on my mind on and off. I always had, hope it was possible. I'm half human after all."

"Renesmee, what's meant to be is meant to be," he pulled me close to him. I leaned over pressing my lips to his heated neck and rested my head in the crook of his neck.

Surprisingly, he picked my body up and set my on his lap. Wrapping his arms around my body pulling me as close to him as possible. After kissing cheek, low and husky he again said, "You will be happy, I promise."

I flashed a fake smile to him.

_How?_ I thought.

**Chapter 6 preview**

Jacob's cell rang interrupting our beautiful moment. Damn it.

"It's Carlisle," Jake said answering the phone, " Hello? yeah she's right here."

Handing over the phone I said, "Hi Grandpa, are you already done?"

"Yes, I have a few results I need you to come home right now."

"It's only been thirty minutes." I said guessing about the time.

"I know but I have to tell you right-away."

"Anything bad?" I questioned grandpa Carlisle.

"Depends on what you considered bad."

"Well, will I be upset?"

"I'm not sure? I have a feeling you'll be quite pleased. Or, it's easily curable, if you're heartless, but most people live with this and they don't mind it."

"Alright I'm confused. Can you just tell me?"

"I have to have a few more tests, just to double check. I'll tell you when you come home."

"I'll be home in fifteen."

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**Oh I'm also toying with the idea to introduce Leah's point of view. Yes or no?**

**Answering a few of these following questions will help me in future chapters. **

**PLEASE REVIEW & Answer...**

**What are the first things you notice about a person?**

**Sexiest body parts?**

**What area's tell you most about a person?**

**If you saw a relationship developing, what are some person things you would want that person to know about you?**


	50. Chapter 6 Good News?

**Author's Note: This is an interesting chapter, I attempted to tell the story of how vampires came about and we will find out what has been happening to Renesmee.**

_**ALSO Thanks to:**_

_**Yoda 11 & randowmeow for favorite-ing**_

_**Also, luv2beloved, gjmb2000, Patty (heart)cake & Black-Phoenix 2009 for reviewing**_

_**I really appreciate it. More reviews please… **_

**Oh and tell me what you think about my origin of vampires. A little religion thrown in there but it adds to the story. **

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Previously:

"Renesmee, what's meant to be is meant to be," he pulled me close to him. I leaned over pressing my lips to his heated neck and rested my head in the crook of his neck.

Surprisingly, he picked my body up and set my on his lap. Wrapping his arms around my body pulling me as close to him as possible. After kissing cheek, low and husky he again said, "You will be happy, I promise."

I flashed a fake smile to him.

_How?_ I thought.

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Chapter 6 Good News?

**(Ness's POV)**

Still sitting on his lap on the truck bed, a cold front was coming in and not even the jacket I was wearing kept me warm, not even Jacob was keeping me warm? He reached for my hair as he commonly did and tucked it behind me ear. Firmly placing his palm on my cheek, he gave me a thoughtful grin but as he held his hand to my face, my skin burnt. It was beginning to bother me. I jumped of his lap and gazed at the dark cloud filled sky. The tall pines blocked most of my view of the sky but you could tell snow was coming soon. It was strange that it hadn't snowed, it was December. Winter, was my favorite time of year because Jake's arms were always around me in the winter. Throughout my life he was was the sun in the winter keeping my warm. Missing his warmth, I looked back at him still sitting on the bed of the Chevy, nodding for him to come stand by me.

A crack of a tree falling in the forest caught both of our attention, both our heads twisted to our right waiting to see if it was anything dangerous. Trying to smell as best I could there was nothing. Just pine and mildly Jake's scent. Jacob placed his hands in his pocket taking steps in front of me. He tensed up and was hunting for what was out in the forest. Completely focused on the sounds of snapping of twigs, Jake closely payed attention to the noise and stepped closer to the forest.

My chest tightened and wasn't sure what to expect. I could feel my heart beat throughout my body and in my stomach.

"Elk," Jacob stated ceasing his walking and released his once tense stance.

I raised my head to smell, but I couldn't. There was no burning in my throat either. I really was sick.

"Not very thirsty," I responded waiting for him to return to my side. Jacob being as hot as he was had only a thin sweater. And when I say hot I literally mean he's hot, he wasone hundred and eight in temperature. Remembering that his skin was burning my skin few moments ago, I missed it. Even though it was uncomfortable I missed it. I was having hot and cold flashes again; I guess it was the menopause? As I thought of that, that odd sensation of cold water running through my veins was back and quickly it would stop.

Being anxious, I jogged behind him until I could reach him. I grabbed at his shirt tail pulling him closer. I needed him close to me, as always. It was a sensation I could never make clear. I just didn't want to lose him. Nuzzling my face into his chest it didn't burn this time, it felt right. He imitated my action by rubbing his nose at the top of my head. I could hear him breathe in my scent. I was glad I took a shower this morning. Then, Jacob's cell rang interrupting our beautiful moment. _Damn it._

"It's Carlisle," Jake said answering the phone, "Hello? Yeah she's right here."

He handed over the phone and I said, "Hi Grandpa, are you already done?"

"Yes, I have a few results I need you to come home right now."

As I walked through the soggy green beneath my feet, I stopped on the asphalt edge of the road.

"It's only been thirty minutes." I said guessing about the time.

"I know but I have to tell you right-away."

"Anything bad?" I questioned grandpa Carlisle.

He stated, "Depends on what you considered bad."

"Well, will I be upset?"

"I'm not sure? I have a feeling you'll be quite pleased. Or, it's easily curable, if you're heartless, but most people live with this and they don't mind it."

"Alright I'm confused. Can you just tell me?"

"I have to run a few more tests, just to double check. I'll tell you when you come home."

"I'll be home in fifteen."

"What was that about?" Jake questioned halting his stride next to me. After shutting the cell phone I shut it and slipped it back into Jacob's pocket.

"I had Carlisle run some tests to see what's wrong with me."

"Like your eyes?"

"Yeah, Uhm…" I stood there and explained the Volturi's plans to 'breed' me and my kind, which was hypocritical of them, especially since they sent Nahuel to hunt Joham who was doing the same thing they forbad. Jacob became rigid and overly concerned.

"I'm glad you told me. Can I go with you? I wanna know if you're sick or okay?"

"Yeah I don't care."

I got into the truck and drove back to Forks and Jacob followed me in his Rabbit. We both walked hand in hand. Jacob tagged along close behind me through the house, until I stopped at Carlisle's office door. I wanted Jacob with me but I wasn't sure what I was going to be facing. I needed to be brave and I had to practice being brave & face this alone. Since one day I was going to be facing many things..._alone._

"Jacob can you wait out here, please?"

"Sure," he kissed my forehead and waited down at the end of the hallway where an accent chair was.

I knocked on the door and stepped in, "Carlise?" I looked around to see he was in the corner of the office writing something down. I shut the door as Grandpa announced, "Give me a few more minutes Ness."

I said yes as I sat in his office chair behind his desk. He was still finishing up whatever he was doing when I looked around his desk, my eyes falling on a book that was opened in front of my face. At the spot my eyes stopped, I read:

Become sober as you ought and stop sinning. For some have no knowledge of God; I say this to your shame. But someone may say, "How are the dead raised? With what kind of body will they come back?" You fool! What you sow is not brought to life unless it dies. And what you sow is not the body that is to be but a bare kernel of wheat, perhaps, or of some other kind;but God gives it a body as he chooses, and to each of the seeds its own body.

I wedged my thumb between the pages shutting the book, so I wouldn't lose the spot. On the cover it in bright gold letters it said the Holy Bible. By the looks of it, the book was old. I wondered what the passage meant, the only one to explain religion to me was Carlisle. He no longer held a spiritual title, he's been researching the true religion but things always stopped his research. I knew he just believed in God and the well-being of human life.

"Grandpa how do you thing vampire's came about?"

Answering to quickly, he said, "The devil."

"Why do you think that?" I questioned opening the bible back up and placing it exactly as Carlisle had it.

"The devil must have consumed Lilith, she caused it."

"Who's Lilith?"

"The first human wife of Adam. Though I'm not sure how true the story is," I listened intently wanting to know about the vampire species," Unlike Adam Lilith was made of sediment and filth rather than pure dust. The story goes, that Adam and Lilith were never at peace with one another. When Adam wished to lie with her, she took offence at the recumbent posture he demanded. Lilith asked, 'Why must she must lie beneath Adam? When they were equals, though they weren't. Because Adam tried to compel her obedience by force, Lilith, in a rage she uttered God's name in vain, and she vanished into the sky."

I listened overly compelled by the story. What was Carlisle getting at? That we were demons? Carlisle continued:

"Adam prayed to God, wondering why she left. And we were never meant to live as alone as most vampires do. God sent angels to search and retrieve Lilith for Adam. They found her beside the Red Sea, a region abounding in lascivious demons, to whom she bore lilim at the rate of more than one hundred a day. Who knows how long she was gone from Adam and how many demonic children she had? The angel ordered her to return to Adam but Lilith was austere and she refused. They angels told her if she declines she would then be drowned to death. `How can I die,' she asked, `when God has ordered me to take charge of all newborn children: boys up to the eighth day of life, and; girls up to the twentieth day."

"She promised if she ever saw the likenesses or amulet displayed above a newborn child, I promise to spare it.' To this the angels agreed; but God punished Lilith by making one hundred of her demon children perish daily; and if she could not destroy a human infant, because of the angelic amulet, she would spitefully turn against her own children killing it, eating it and drinking it's blood. They say she was a demon woman who drank the blood of men and their flesh if needed, who kills infants and women in childbirth."

We he said the last part, my mother's birth; I remembered I killed her, if my father hadn't turned her she would be dead. Was I the spawn of a demon, like Jacob once said I was? Were I and my family evil? The evil of Lilith seemed to run in our blood, we craved human blood and killed because of it. I hadn't had the ornament of God nor the angels hanging over my head.

"Carlisle we're not demons?"

"I never said we were. I believe that, our kind is more vulnerable to comit sin, a major factor is it's in our nature to want to distroy humans but we must learn to use the will power God gave us, correctly," he pointed down at the book on the desk," That bible is our guide to life. "

"I killed before Grandpa, where does that leave me?"

"Let's finish this conversation later," he said turning his attention to the medical files that were in his hands. I was so consumed by the story I almost forgot about my reality this second. He walked over to the desk I sat at; he stood before me with uneasiness about his face.

"I'm menopausal, aren't I?" I said so sure of myself. By the look on his face it had to be true.

"Renesmee you're pregnant."

"Ha, Ha Very funny," mocking him with my surliness.

In a much more serious tone he said, "You are."

My breath hitched and my hand flew to my heart then moved down to my stomach. I couldn't help but smile. _But how? _"I don't see how it's possible; I haven't had a period in a year."

"Yes, that happens when you're pregnant."

"I know, but- I stopped having my period before I ever had sex."

"Perhaps those fertility drugs had some effect on you. Some things are meant to be." He shrugged.

The happiness passed and now I was shocked, which was ass backwards. Usually women were shocked then happy. "I'm, I thought I couldn't? I'm pregnant?"

"Yes. You got a good thing out of your marriage, now you can carry on Nahuel's name."

_Crap._ I never told my family what had happened between I and Nahuel, I never told them that we never got married or that he was in South America searching for his father.

"Uhm? Carlisle?"

"Yes, Ness?"

"I never really officially, married Nahuel."

"Oh?"

"He's in Argentina hunting down his father for the Volturi."

"I thought he was killed like the rest of the half-breeds?"

"No. And," I admitted and paused preparing to tell him, "this baby's not Nahuel's."

"Oh," his head nodded up and down, "I see. It's Jacob's."

_How did he know?_ "How'd you know?"

"It's destined."

"Destined?" I examined baffled.

He laughed, he was so cheerful about this, "You two, well, you've always had a gravitational pull towards each other."

There was some truth in his words:We did but we didn't. "Not true when I was younger, he distanced himself; I mean I didn't see him for two years."

"You both were attached at the hip, until we moved to Alaska. At that time he had to stay away from you for your sake. It wasn't the closeness, you wanted but he was always there for you, in any situation. Or as Rosalie puts it, he's your guard dog."

"Nothing more than my protector," Then I whispered to myself, "Nothing more."

"Apparently now, he's a bit more than just a protector and the entire family sees it."

"You can tell?"

"It's not something you can hide Ness. How long have you two been together?"

"Uhm, a couple of months."

"Congradulations."

" Carlisle? Please don't tell anyone about this."

"I won't patient confidentiality. But I don't know about my thoughts."

"Do I have to teach you how to block your cognition too?"

_.KNOCK. _Impatient knocks came from the closed pocket door.

"Is Jacob waiting outside?" Carlisle asked.

"Yeah, he wanted to know if there was anything wrong."

"I'll let you teach me how to block my thoughts later. Jacob come in!"

When he walked in my palms began to sweat. I stood from the office chair and walked around to the front of the desk. "Hey, Jake," I greeted. He rushed over to my side his eyes scattered all over my body.

" uh-YAH-so-CHUH (How are you), you sick?" he fussed.

"Yeah. " I informed. Making a long pause, I finally told him, "I'm pregnant."

His worried expression fell to somewhat of devastation. I then became nervous; his expression made me convinced that did he not want a child with me. As soon as I went to bite my finger nail, he stopped me. Grabbing my wrist, he pulled my hand from my mouth and that giant grin spread across his tan face. Immediately, I was engulfed into a giant hug. A hug I needed.

One of his muscular arms encircled over my shoulder, his other hand was placed over my stomach, protectively. "How are you? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?"

I wasn't sure but I looked to Carlisle who's head dipped up and down.

"We're fine."

" Nessie," he said then started laughing, and enveloped me into another hug, " we're having a baby."

I could tell he was excited. Placing my hand over my chest I realized, " I got pregnant that night. I've been pregnant all this time." With one hand over my belly and another over my mouth, I could feel the tears coming.

"That explains a lot," Jake said towards Carlisle then he noticed I had a few tears straying," Don't cry Ness, please."

"I'll leave you two alone." Carlisle spoke. With all the commotion I forgot he was here.

"Thank you Carlisle," Jake said.

Imprinting, f***ing imprinting! Being with him was now was different. I planned on staying with him as long as I could, it was something I think I could do if it was me and him. Now it was me, him and our baby. What's going to happen when he did imprint? I'd be left with a child to raise on my own but I couldn't complain or say a thing about it. I didn't was to make Jake feel ashamed for what he was and something he couldn't help. I turned my real concern into something else.

"I'll never, do anything I've wanted to do."

"Yes, you will," he cupped my face encouraging me and comforting me, " We have eternity to travel just as you wanted to do."

"Forget about traveling, I can't go to school now." I said lying again, I was only concerned about what was going to happen to me and our child after he imprinted. The warmness of his hand tingled around my own hand. He gazed directly into my eyes and I knew I could trust him with anything.

"Yes, you can. I can watch the baby or your parents, Blondie would definantly do it."

"Not now, she has Lily."

"Well, if Rose doesn't Bella will. Ness your entire family would help out."

"They would, wouldn't they?"

"Of course," he smiled.

Jacob's joyful face fell into a state of seriousness that concerned me. He sat at the one of the two accent chairs that were in front of Carlisle's desk with my hand still in his.

"I think we have some important things to talk about."

"Like what?"

"Our future, the baby and,"he bit his top lip shaking his head. Not in a disappointed way but in nervousness, I could tell he was nervous when he began shaking. Not as if he was going to phase but as any normal human being would tremble. Then he said the word, " imprinting."

As curious as I was I didn't want to hear about it. I wasn't ready to talk about it.

"Jacob listen to me, I know-"

He frowned as he interupted me,"You know?"

"I love you. Forever and always but don't ever talk about imprinting."

"But Renesmee-"

"I don't want to hear about it! Let 's live our lives and be happy as long as we can."

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**Chapter 7 Preview**

(We will see Jakes POV of finding out about her pregnancy)

"So you-" Bella paused grunting but she persisted with her angry reaction, " when she was born, you took her from me, you took the time I should have spent with her as a child, you taught her everything I wanted to teach her, and now you took virginity! Why, Jacob you just own her don't you?"

She was so abrasive and abusive in her words. Jacob didn't deserve it, I was as much at fault s as he was. My mother was being barbaric and the anger boiled inside me. As I was about to yell at her, Jacob spoke first.

"She's not an object Bella!"

"Can't you just keep your damn filthy paws off her!"

"Don't you dare touch him." I stated through my teeth. Hopefully she could tell how serious I was.

My mother returned my frown and yelled, "Renesmee you better move!"

Though, I was shorter than my mother, I stared at her angrily in the eyes. I tried to dominate her the way Jacob would as Alpha. In a very threatinging manner I said, "If you, DARE, touch him, I'll kill you."


	51. Chapter 7 New Persepectives

**Author's Note: **

**Here's a review/question I was asked: _I'm a little confused...by this summary did you not essentially give away the entire plot line of the story?_**

**Dear anonymous reviewer, **

**Don't be confused. My summary is, in all actuality, a plot overview. I apologize that I didn't clarify. I can change it if you would like. But mind you, there is tons more going on than just what my "summary" says. Also, a good thing was I didn't give away the ending. =) ****Just read please, I promise you will enjoy it! Well, I hope you will enjoy it. **

*****Thanks to*****

**gjmb2000, ****Yoda11, luv2beloved, ernrs for reviewing and thanks to **

**o0dancer4ever0o for favorite-ing. **

**I will be doing this from now on, I feel it's only right to thank you guys for reviewing. **

**Tons more to come, Happy Reading! I own nothing but the plot (I guess)**

_**Oh and… Special thanks to…*Patty(heart)cake*; I really enjoy long reviews…SO THANKS!**_

**

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Chapter 7 New Perspectives

(Ness's POV)

I ignored Jake's wanting to talk about our future, our baby and imprinting. I told him I already knew. Yes, I knew what the future held and I knew he would imprint one day so, there was no need to talk about it. But as excited as I was and excited as Jacob was, there would be a grim future ahead of us. But I was, more than willing to suffer later on to be with him for however long a time it would be. As long as he wanted me, I was his.

Many questions were answered when Carlisle came back into the office. Why I was having strange cold flashes, my appetite for blood cease to exist, my eye color also my families scent occasionally burnt in my nostrils. These were the side effects of my pregnancy. He said he would bring back a sonography machine from work, so we could see an ultrasound.

"We have to tell my parents," I stated sitting in the chair next to Jake. He sat up from his chair and leaned over in front of me, kissing my forehead then my lips. His rough manly hands on each side of my face, stating, "I love you."

"I love you more."

"Sure, sure. Keep telling yourself that."

Before I knew it he was down on his knees.

My chest began beating erratically. I was frightened, and then I saw him place both his knees on the floor. Cocking my head I was no longer nervous I was confused. He then, pressed his ear to by belly and held it there for a good minute.

"I can hear it!" he voice boomed so excitedly, like an explosion.

My voice resonated back to him shocked, "Are you serious?"

Jake nodded with his head still pressed against my abdomen. You can hear my tummy gurgle, longing for food.

"Are you hungry?" Jake sought out an answer.

"Yeah," I laughed.

"We'll, tell your parents after lunch?"

I expressed my agreeance by nodding.

The smell of Christmas was in the air of my grandfather's home. Rosalie and Emmett had just brought home the Christmas tree and were getting all the decorations ready so everyone could help decorate. In fact, my woman relatives decorated as the men stood around waiting for us to be done. I was eager to decorate tonight because this was Lillian's first Christmas.

I followed Jacob down the stairs and stopped when I saw Lily crying, anytime I heard a child cry I felt my heartstrings pull to them. AS I stood still watching Lily, Jacob kept sauntering out the front door.

In Emmett's arms, was Lily, her five year old body was still small compared to him. Rosalie gave Lily her strained attention wanting to know what she was crying for.

"I wanted to meet the baby!" Lily cried, large tears rolling down her rosy cheeks.

Rosalie brushed her bangs out of her face and asked, "What baby Lily?"

Lily pointed at me, and I felt that my knees were going to give out. _How did she know?_

Before Rosalie and Emmett turned to see me I ran out the door, to my Chevy where Jacob was waiting.

On the way to Forks Coffee Shop, I decided to spark conversation by telling Jake the story of vampire origins. His face was in a hard mask, I guess because I told him the story in such a lurid way. I explained the story of Lilith. How the demon spawn of Lilith, called lilim, must have gotten to human kind, turning them into vampires. We had a choice though, to fight what was in our nature, just like humans have to fight human nature. As vampires most human nature is out the window. Humans try not to lie and steal and while they try not to kill, we have to try harder. Vampires almost have an animalistic nature. We hunt and kill because of our thirst because it's in our nature, while humans kill by vengeance, hate and greed.

We have to fight it, we all, humans and vampires, have the will power to do so. My family did, so why couldn't all other vampires? I explained to Jacob how Carlisle told me when a child was born, any child with ambulant or was in the likeness of the angels were freed from Lilith's harm. I hadn't had the ornament of God nor the angels hanging over my head, nor my family_. My mother's death is the proof of that._ I couldn't risk my child being evil or being harmed, they had to be baptized. That's what the ornament of Gos meant, right?

My family should be, since we were all 'supposedly' demonic creatures, needing the grace of God.

As we sat to eat, I thought about these things again and again. Jake took notice and asked, "What's on your mind Ness?"

I watched him anxiously play with his napkin. His eyes tensely stared down at the napkin in his hand, and his eyebrows furrowed peeking up at me, when I didn't respond right away he grabbed reached across the table and grabbed my hand.

"Jake, were you baptized?"

His once pressed eyebrows pulled back into two separate brows and he answered, "Yeah, why?"

"I want our children baptized."

He agreed immediately, "Alright."

Out of sheer curiosity I asked, "What religion are you?"

"I was raised Catholic. After my mother died we stopped going to church and since _turning wolf_, I haven't even had religion on my mind. I haven't thought much about it. Many things changed when, _I changed_."

His line of vision wondered out the window, his expression seemed to read there were great consequences in our future. I folded my arms over my chest not suddenly I didn't feel so hungry. Why was he acting this way?

I'll just speak to relieve the tension I'm feeling. "You think God has a purpose for my kind? Our kind? Our child?"

He pressed himself back further into the booth seat and straightened up. He was taken back, by my comment, but it was on my mind. What was I meant for, why did I exist? Why did Jake exist? What was out child's plan in life?

After a long pause, Jacob took a sip of his soda. He ignored my statement and said, "I never thought about this, but what religion is your family?"

"Gosh I'm not sure. I know Carlisle's Angelican or was. Jasper was Baptist. Rosalie was either Lutheran or was it Protestant? I'm not sure. Esme and Edward, were Catholic. Alice can't remember a thing about her human life and Emmett I'm not sure about him or momma I believe they're non-denominational."

Not much was said after that except, that we had to find a church to begin to attend.

After lunch we left, and on the car ride I wondered how I could tell my parents about me being pregnant out of wedlock. Something my father was almost positively going to be angry about. Now that I think about it, it was his Catholic upbringing. Geez, I could see his face once he finds out I'm not a virgin. After countless hours of the sex talk he was sure to be pissed. And I wasn't sure how my mother would handle it, I think she would be more supportive but knowing her, her mood may go either way.

I touched his throat to make sure; I wouldn't be bothered by the heat of his skin. When the touch didn't blaze under my skin, I cuddled up to Jacob in the truck and buried my face into the crook of his neck. I jumped when the heat of his skin burnt me, It was like I had just accidently burnt my arm on the inside of the oven or if I held my hand over a blaze. Truthfully I was over exaggerating, it was like when you first get into a hot Jacuzzi but your skin gets used to the heat. Eventually the feeling became soothing and comfortable.

Soon, my thoughts were on a subject I didn't want to acknowledge. Imprinting. I didn't want to lose Jacob. Jake left one hand on the steering wheel and his other arms found its way around me. And mine surrounded his broad torso; I closed my eyes taking in the perfume of himself through his thin sweater.

_He has an imprint_. I thought. But I needed to see the Brightside_. What if she was dead, married or yet to be born? How would this affect him and our relationship? Does the imprint have a choice? Could Jacob move on if she refused him? I should ask Billy, but do I really want to know?_

I stepped through the threshold of my parents home, with Jacob closely behind.

"Hey Momma. Daddy," I shyly hailed to my parents sitting on the couch. Jacob took his place behind the couch directly behind me.

Looking over to Edward, he let out a low grumble. My vulnerable mind was open, I knew he heard what I was about to tell him_. Let us talk, I_ thought. He nodded and Momma just stared at daddy then back to me.

She sat at the arm of the couch still having her eyes fixed on my father but she spoke "What are you hiding?"

Directing her question towards my father he said, "Ask your daughter."

Her head flipped to me, with her hair following. "What do you want to tell me?"

"I'm, I'm." I stuttered, and then I stood up practically preparing to run away.

Momma mirrored my action and stood, inquiring, "What is it Renesmee? Are you okay?"

"No, but I'm-" I could speak, I paced around ending up at Jacob's side behind the couch.

_Daddy help. _I thought.

Daddy and Jacob spoke in unison, "She's pregnant."

"She's WHAT? By who?" she question unpleased and shocked.

Jake came closer to my side and wrapped his arm around my waist, saying "Who do you think?"

Momma's eye's skimmed our body language and she put two and two together, I think she got four. I took Jacob's arm from my waist and laced my fingers with his. I blocked my mind the best I could now. _Jake be prepared_, I told him in my thoughts. And in my thought I recalled my mother attempting to attack him once, when I was young. I'm not sure why she did, perhaps her jealousy of him, but I remember it well and I didn't like it. When I witnessed it I didn't know what to do, I was helpless. I killed Demetri, because he was going to hurt Jacob, but was I going to kill my mother for Jacob's safety?

She turned all her attention and rage to my father, "I can understand how this got by Alice but how did it get past you?"

Daddy stood at the corner of the living room, his arms crossed and he didn't say anything but momma kept complaining, "You knew? You knew and you didn't tell me?"

"Bella, you always told me to give her, her privacy. Just as every teenage girl deserves," Edward harshly made the very true remark to her. And she didn't seem to like to hear the truth right now.

"She's clearly not a teenager anymore! And when it's something as major as pregnancy I would hope you would tell me!"

Then he began pleading with her, something I hated when my dad did. Always giving in, always giving her, her way. "I had no knowledge of the pregnancy until now. I knew about," daddy temporarily halted his statement. I prayed he wasn't about to tell her what I believe he was going to say.

But like I said momma got her way and when she asked, "About what?"

He answered, "I knew about them having sex."

Turning back to me, her eyes seemed to have a crazy look, "You've been having sex?"

"No, I've only had sex once-" I didn't finish my comment momma cut me off; I knew she was going to be a raging fire soon. "Why wouldn't you tell me? That's important. I should have know!"

"I may be able to hear people's thoughts but I don't tell their secrets. Especially my daughter's and someone as respectable as Jacob." I smiled when Daddy said he respected Jacob, I was glad, Jake deserved respect. But mother looked back to me and wiped the grin away from my face.

"It was their personal thoughts, and Jacob only let it slip once," daddy sternly spoke back at her through his gritted teeth.

Momma very slowly, even slow for a human began stepping towards Jake.

"So you-" Bella paused grunting but she persisted with her angry reaction, now pointing at Jacob, "… when she was born, you took her from me, you took the time I should have spent with her as a child, you taught her everything I wanted to teach her, and now you took virginity! Why, Jacob you just own her don't you?"

She was so abrasive and abusive in her words. Jacob didn't deserve it; I was as much at fault s as he was. My mother was being barbaric and the anger boiled inside me. As I was about to yell at her, Jacob spoke first.

"She's not an object Bella!" Jake yelled at he pushed and flipped the couch to the other end of the room. It crashed into the built in shelf. He was trembling preparing to phase but he could control himself I had that faith in him. Now he and my mother were face to face, Momma was in a guarded stance.

"Can't you just keep your damn filthy paws off her!" With her brusque tone, I was filled with rage.

"Don't you dare touch him." I stated through my teeth putting myself between my Jacob and my mother. Hopefully she could tell how serious I was by my tone.

My mother returned my frown and yelled, "Renesmee, you better move!"

Though, I was shorter than my mother, I stared at her angrily in the eyes. I tried to dominate her, the way Jacob would as Alpha. In a very threatening manner I said, "If you, DARE, touch him, I'll kill you."

It hurt to say that, I rarely had acrimony, especially towards my own mother. I've always been close with my mother and I love her but if she harmed Jacob, I don't know what my reaction might be. It sounded wrong but I think I might actually harm my mother to protect Jacob.

My mother and I were locked in a staring contest, brows furrowed and heavy breathing was between us. Jake wedged himself between me and my mother. He scooted me back a bit by pressing his hand at my shoulder but I was still leaning forward locked in an angry gaze with my mother. Jacob attempted to thrust me backwards but now I was staring straight at his chest, his shoulders were angled in my direction and he gently pressed his hand to my still flat belly. With his free hand he grabbed my hand placing it against my stomach alongside his.

"Renesmee," he whispered. Taking notice I looked down at our hands placed over my stomach and up to his eyes. He didn't have to say a word; I knew what he was suggesting. I need to think of the baby. "She's your mother."

Now I was seeing things in new perspectives, I was going to be a mother. This wasn't safe for our child. Stepping back, I couldn't meet anyone's gaze, felt ashamed. For a second I practically forgot, Bella was my mother. The mother that loved me and gave birth to me, despite the negative outcome. The woman that would wipe away my tears when I cried myself to sleep, the woman who made me breakfast and always came back from shopping trips with little gifts. The woman that told me she loved me every chance she got.

_What the hell was I doing? What was I saying? Was I really going to attack my mother? I __was a demon. _

_We were demons a mother and daughter prepared to kill one another?_

"I'm sorry," I muttered still looking at my feet.

"Bella," Jacob began but daddy interrupted, "Renesmee, please go visit Charlie and Sue."

Before I left I turned to Bella and said, "Momma I'm sorry."

**_(Jacob's POV)_**

Renesmee's been acting strange, like she used to as a child. She was my shadow and everywhere I went she was there on my coat tails. I didn't mind, but last time she acted this way it was because she was scared of losing me. Was she still scared of losing me?

The amount of love and protectiveness she held for me was just witnessed when she threatened her own mother's life. Renesmee ran out of the cottage embarrassed with guilt. I stood in the living room where I had just destroyed the built in shelves that once graced their walls. In the distance I could hear the truck start and drive away.

When I first found out about the pregnancy, I thought I was happy but I was practically devastated. I knew I made a mistake and though I wanted to be happy, I was more scared. Scared for her safety not only because what Bella had been through but because Aro warned me when we retrieved her from Russia.

When he read my mind he saw the imprint, he felt the love I had towards her but one thing he said stuck in my mind, "_Oh and Jacob, do not reproduce with her. That may become a problem." (Chapter 32 Last Sunrise)_

_I wondered what would happen if the Volturri found out? What would become of our child?_ When we were at lunch, she said "You think God has a purpose for my kind? Our kind? Our child?"

I wasn't sure how to respond to that. So, I changed the subject to her new fondness of religion.

"Did you tell her about the imprint?" Bella asked.

I shook my head no.

"I tried. Like I assumed something would upset her about imprinting and I was right. She said she knew, but I'm not sure what exactly she was speaking about. Either way, she doesn't want to hear about it, she said we just need to live our lives and be happy. She told me to never talk about it, and I'll never will."

Bella didn't say a word but Edward did. "Bella, the baby doesn't like yelling."

Bella, had a delay in her breathing, the same way I did when Edward said the baby understood what was happening. It was a sight I haven't seen sense she was human and she needed to breath. She looked as if she was about to cry, and she just looked to me remorseful. She walked over to me and gave me a hug, "I'm sorry Jake. I'm happy for you. It just wasn't supposed to happen this way, Alice said-"

I had to stop her there, "Alice can't see our future Bella."

"Make her understand how much you love her."

"She knows," Edward said, adding more information, "Also, as soon she grabbed your hand both your minds went blank."

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Chapter 8 preview

"_What do you mean Alice is missing?" I asked. _

"_She was killed, I think? Here's her necklace, we found it in a pile of ash." Momma said holding the necklace in her thin pale hands. Bella buried both her hands in her face, saddened. _

_Could she really be dead? Or was this Alice up to her tricks again?_

_QUESTION_

Should I reintroduce the Volturi. I could go either way with this, I leave the final decision up to you. Please REVIEW!

_**Oh and I have tons of people who favorited my story, so why don't you review? Let's shoot for 10 reviews= next chapter. Hurry and review. **_


	52. Chapter 8 Accepting

**Author's Note: Sorry it took so long to update but I didn't get 10 reviews like I wanted, only eight. Oh well... You better hit the ten mark next time if you want the chapter's up sooner.**

**Anyways, this chapter blows! It wasn't very creative in my verbiage. I apologize, I'm having writers block I guess. But thanks to Black Phoenix-2009 I sort of found the direction I wanted to go. It's long and though I don't particularly like this chapter, I hope you enjoy. Next chapter will be up ASAP, Reviews PLEASE! Good or Bad, thanks. **

**Thanks to: SabrinaCullen2010, gjmb2000, luv2beloved, Noble Korhedron, Patty(heart)cake, randomeow, and ernrs for commenting, It means a lot to me. **

**Also thanks to: sexycullenchick for favorite-ing**

**Any questions or comments please just ask and enjoy! **

**Previously:**

_She walked over to me and gave me a hug, "I'm sorry Jake. I'm happy for you. It just wasn't supposed to happen this way, Alice said-"_

_I had to stop her there, "Alice can't see our future Bella."_

_"Make her understand how much you love her."_

_"She knows," Edward said, adding more information, "Also, as soon she grabbed your hand both your minds went blank."_

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Chapter 8 Accepting

**(Jacob's POV)**

_A new power, Ness has a new power? Should I really be surprised? My Ness was one of the most astonishing human beings, or half human beings in this world. Gosh I can't wait to brag about this to the pack_. As I thought that, Edward moved the couch back to its original spot while speaking, "I guess she has the power to show us her thoughts and the power to block her mind, when she held your hand all went blank."

"Let's get back to the topic," Bella interrupted still peeved. Bella had her mood swings and I was anticipating one at that very second. I hoped after she had just given me that hug that this was past this but I wasn't that lucky.

"You took me daughter's virginity!" she shouted moving her head back and forth. I was taken back by her counteraction. Also the way she referred to Renesmee as her daughter, she had always said our daughter. Edward and her daughter.

Shaking whatever thought I had out of my head I spoke, "Bella, I know." I persistently pleaded with her, " I wasn't thinking straight but, I hadn't seen her in five weeks, that's nearly an eternity for me. I was thrilled that she was able to get away from the Volturi, that she was alive and _not married_. Yes, it was a mistake, I'll admit that, but she, she said she loved me, it just happened."

She peered over at me then to Edward with a frown still upon her face. She moved back over to the couch and sat down, giving Edward a deep intense glare.

"How come you're so calm?" Bella started to articulate her thoughts very calmly but then they became accusing toward Edward, "I thought when this day would come you'd be the one disturbed by this, not me."

Edward and I had a history, and not a good one, but those strong infuriated emotions I had towards him no longer existed. I knew that when I wasn't around Ness was safe and I could respect him for that. He had become someone who I could depend on, and dare I say it, he had become a friend.

"I told you, I don't like it anymore than you but what am I to do now? Tell them to quit seeing each other? Tell her to have abortion?" Edward said his piece though he seemed irritated with Bella, something that rarely happened.

"You asked me to have one!" she screeched.

" This isn't like when you got pregnant love. I thought Ness would act like a newborn plus she was killing you. I believed she was just as evil as Jacob thought but when I heard her thoughts, I knew she wasn't evil. I heard that baby's thoughts Bella. I heard our grandchild, it's more innocent then Ness was in the womb, it's more human than Ness. And if she's as strong willed as you she's keeping that baby no matter what anyone tells her."

"Because it's Jacob's," she spoke with blank stare but she knowingly knew Renesmee wanted that child, because it was my child. Ness had been worried about not ever being able to have a child and now she was pregnant. Abortion was never even an option why would they bring it up? Bella proceeded, "But Alice said-"

Edward interrupted her, "Alice isn't always correct with us, how can she be correct with people she could hardly see?"

Bella turned her direction to me, and intently asked, " You are going to tell her about the imprint, right?"

"No, for the millionth time she's calling the shots! Whatever she wants she gets, until the day we're married I won't tell her about the imprint!"

"You should tell her, but if you're not going to Jake?" she made sure our eyes met , "Can you please, stay away from her, for awhile."

"Excuse me?" I turned to Edward; he did nothing just stood in the corner with his arm crossed. Angrily I pulled my brows together and I could feel one raised as they were furrowed, "No."

"YES! She needs time to think. Let her be my little nudger for a little while longer."

"She's not your baby anymore; she's not even a teenager anymore. She's an adult, a full grown woman with a child on the way."

With pleading eyes she begged, "You can't do this one thing for me?"

After all I've done for her; she had the nerve to ask me to do her a favor. I was beyond pissed, why was she being so selfish? Since I can remember she's been selfish. I've forgiven her for most of the s*** she pulled with me. The leading me on, putting my life in danger for her safety. She only wanted me around because the pull of the imprint I understood that but she took my imprint from me she made me suffer, she put me through hell.

Deliberately I shouted, " Damn it Bella! You've been so selfish!"

"How have I been selfish? ! If I was, I'd be tearing your head off for stealing my daughter's innocence but I'm not because it will upset Renesmee. I let you see her grown up didn't I? I let you see her now?"

I was pacing the room furious, I just thought about not phasing, not destroying the home Ness lived in. Edward still stood there in the corner, it was as if he wasn't there and I'm glad he didn't open his freaking mouth. He just rolled his eyes as I thought this. _Do you understand?_ I questioned.

He just nodded, I knew he heard my complaint about Bella and for once he was on my side.

I told her my side, "Just shut it Bella! I already told you I'm sorry! And I can't say I regretted it, not completely. But you took her away from me by moving to Alaska because you were f***in jealous. Remember when Edward left you! Do you remember?" she winced from bringing up that memory. I had intentionally brought that up. I had to get through to her, help her realized how I felt when I wasn't with Ness.

"I felt that way except a thousand times worse. It was like, I wasn't even living I just existed."

Then Edward opened his mouth to defend Bella, just like I didn't want. "Jacob, you're being harsh."

"Shut up Edward! I'm talking," then I turned back to my former best friend, " You did everything in your power for me not to be around her. In case you haven't noticed she's always wanted to be around me and because of your envious issues, you made not only me suffer but her too. S*** haven't you put me through enough? For two years," I held up two fingers, " you left for Alaska and made _us both_ suffer. For two years! I know she cried herself to sleep. Jasper told me she was depressed and I know she was in pain because I was. How could you let her go through that? Let me go through that? Especially after all I've done for you. And now _you_ have the freaking nerve to _tell me_ to stay away from my Nessie!"

She didn't respond to my question, she spoke what she wanted, "Jake, I am happy for you, both of you I am but-"

"But nothing, I don't want your excuses Bella! You've had your happy ending well now it's my turn."

I began to walk out, then Bella's cold hand wrapped around my wrist stopping me.

"Jacob stay here."

I pulled my wrist out of her grasp and turned back to her, "Why should I?"

She grabbed my wrist again and pulled me down to the couch to sit next to her. She inhaled and exhaled, "I know you've been suffering and I apologize for being a part of that, I carry guilt for that. But you don't think I haven't been suffering cuz I have, maybe not as much or in the same way but I suffer"

"How?"

" With my jealousy," her head bowed down as she spoke with great humiliation, "I hate it, I just want time with her without the mention of you. I want it to be just me and my daughter. Maybe this could baby could bring us together, I want to be closer to my daughter, our daughter. I've never had that."

Now, I could comprehend the way Bella felt but she was still her mother I knew how much Ness loved her parents, she just didn't feel the need to constantly be around them. "You're her mother Bella-"

"But she's never really been mine. She's always been yours. How do you think it feels to know your daughter has already found her soul mate? That she's always preferred to be with you, rather than spend an hour with me. Hell Jacob, she just threatened to kill me, over you."

What was I supposed to say? I never saw things that way but it was hard to pick a side, because we both spoke the truth. Renesmee has always been at my side and I could empathize with Bella. But on the other hand Bella had taken her away from me, any chance she got and that was hurtful. But Ness was having my baby, there was no way I was staying away from her, she needed me. Bella needed to get over this.

Bella finished bringing up the cause of this topic, "You took my daughter's virginity Jacob. We wanted her to wait until she was married."

'Listen Bella, I wanted her too also. I'm ashamed of what happened and I know what I did was wrong-"

"I'm not angry. I have to face facts, she's not my little stranger baby anymore she's just the stranger she's always has been."

"She's not a stranger Bella she's your daughter, she loves you and even Edward." I added attempting to make a joke. It worked when she had a sad grin on her face, " I just didn't want to go back on my word, I swore I would never make a move and..."

"I don't doubt your self control Jacob. Not like I used to, but did you? Because I think Renesmee did."

"No, she just told me how much she loved me and things got out of control."

Edward then said, "Neither of us are angry Jacob. Shocked, yes."

Then Bella said, "Surprised, yes."

"So was I, so was she we thought she was infertile."

A loud roar resonated in my ears. It was "Leah," I said, "I'll be back."

The only time Leah would howl out loud was when she needed someone from the pack. I had to go.

"Jacob! Wait." Bella said.

"I have to go something's wrong."

Edward said, "We'll go with you."

I ran out phasing on the fly, Bella and Edward were close behind. We sprinted through the forest, snow flying from beneath my feet. In the distance, through the trees and the frost covered underbrush I could see Seth running at a steady pace.

_What's wrong?_ Seth wondered.

_I'm not sure. Something big. _

Then Leah finally dialed in on our wolf frequency, _Jacob, Jacob! I think the Volturri were here._

**(Renesmee's POV)**

I left and the guilt consumed me. I went straight to Grandpa Chuck and Nana Sue's as Edward had ordered. Particularly, with the bomb I just dropped on him I wasn't about to push my luck. I thought about telling my grandparent's the good news but I wasn't sure if I should. I was only two months along and I wanted to tell people with Jacob at my side. Leah visited for a pithy time before she headed back out for patrol. She was polite to me, and even gave me a hug before she took off but she seemed worried. It was nice to see Leah happy, for whatever reason. I had a brief conversation with Seth before he left to visit Lily. After an hour visit, I left to grandpa Carlisle's where everyone was decorating. Most everyone was there even Seth, Embry and Quil who brought thirteen year old Claire.

Lily greeted me when I showed up asking, "Where'd the baby go?" She pouted a bit and I wasn't exactly sure why she was so interested in the baby or how she even knew. I had asked her to keep it a secret. She listened to me and agreed asking if I was sad. Not sure why I would be sad but being puzzled by her behavior I turned tried to redirect her focus on the ornaments that were to be hung on the tree. But she kept asking strange questions like; what happened to the baby in my tummy? Why was Auntie Alice leaving? She said she was sad to see the baby go and it would have been happy here.

All I did was try to make her focus on decorating when that failed I passed her of to Seth. Then I put all my attention on decorating the house. It was going to be Christmas in a few weeks.

It was nice to spend time with some of my family. Though, there was no sign of Momma or Daddy and Jacob never showed up either. Since none of them showed I figured they were still arguing back at the cottage. To be on the safe side, I went up to my parents old room and curled up onto the queen sized bed attempting to sleep.

It was difficult, as usual. A million things were on my mind, how I wished there was a switch I could just turn off so I could sleep. The sky was purple from the setting sun and eventually turned into night. The moon light leaked through, the glass wall of my father's old room, too much light for me to find a near slumber state. There were pines and Sitka spruces out that window, covered in a fresh blanket of snow. They stood still, some covered in frozen moss and icicles. Gazing at the coldness, I could feel my body turn cold. I needed Jacob right now.

Lying on my side, I found my way underneath the covers where it was somewhat warmer. A sharp pain hit my side, much like cramps I hadn't have one of those in years. I was alarmed by it, and I gasped from the twinge but cramps were normal during a pregnancy. The last I checked the time was seven. I could still hear people down stairs chatting and laughing. I shouldn't have been rude by going to bed early but I felt tired. I was so tired I couldn't sleep, to many thoughts. Now, I gawked at nature's beauty. The outdoors always reminded me of Jacob.

Sudden rage hit my heart, like a speeding car that hit a wall with no brakes. At this second, Jacob was being yelled at. Why the hell was I here letting my parents chew out Jacob, for something that was my fault? I practically forced him to have sex. What if momma attacked him like she tried to when I was younger? I sat up instantly running over to the cottage as quick as I could, I ran down the stairs and past everyone who rested in the living room. I didn't even think twice before I ran barefoot through the snow.

I charged in the cottage, my feet stinging from the freezing snow. The couch was back in its proper spot and the mess Jacob had made was already cleaned up. Before I even addressed anyone I screamed, "What is so wrong with Jacob and me being happy?"

Momma and Daddy were sitting on the couch side by side. Edward's arm was so comfortingly resting across her back. Inside my mind I just laughed, why was dad feeling sorry for Bella when I was the one enduring pain, when I was the one pregnant with a wolf's child and he was going to most defiantly leave me!

"I never said you couldn't be."

"You sure as hell don't want us to be happy! I can tell! You want to have a freaking pity party for you. You take your aggression out on Jake for getting me pregnant, well FYI Bella, I had sex with Jacob. I wanted it! He didn't force me. He respected me, he tried to talk me out of it, he asked me to wait but I couldn't, I just," "I needed him to know how much I love him and that seemed to be the only way. And we didn't use protection because I thought I was infertile, the Volturi gave me fertility drugs and I guess that's how I ended up pregnant."

"He never said any of that."

"We've already talked about everything. I love you." Momma said hugging me.

"I love you too Momma but why is it such a big deal that I'm having his baby?"

"It's not, it really isn't a problem. I'm glad for you two but Alice said-"

I had to cut her off why the hell was she so dependent on Alice's visions, "Alice can't see our future!"

"Yes, sort of. But there's things about your relationship with Jacob that, you don't understand yet."

"Momma I love him."

"I know."

I sat on the couch and wondered, "Where is he anyway?"

When I asked neither of my parents answered. I took a noticed both of their expressions, "What's wrong?"

" Alice is missing," daddy informed.

"What do you mean Alice is missing?" I asked.

"She was killed, I think?"

" Here's her necklace, we found it in a pile of ash." Momma said holding the necklace in her thin pale hands. Bella buried both her hands in her face, saddened.

_Could she really be dead? Or was this Alice up to her tricks again?_

"Alice isn't dead." I said almost sure of myself. Then daddy told momma, "Ness is right, this is Alice we're talking about she can't be dead."

"Where's Jacob?" I repeated asking again.

"The Volturi were here," Momma said.

"They were? Where's Jacob?"

I was scared, Aro wanted Jacob, and he wanted their kind. He attempted to take govern over the Russian werewolves what if he's come here and has tried to take control of the pack?

To my relief daddy told me, "Leah was on patrol she needed help, Jacob joined her."

I breathed a sigh of relief when I found out he was just patrolling, daddy preceded"They chased them back toward the Hoh rainforest. I and you're your mother joined them. Alice's scent ended at the cliffs edge where we found her ashes, Jasper's scent headed toward Canada."

"So, you think they killed her?" I questioned still doubtful that Jasper would let anyone get near Alice.

Momma sat in silence, I almost felt bad for verbally attacking her.

"They couldn't her gift is too valuable to them."

"Jasper's gone too? I wondered.

Then I had another fear, "Do you think they found out about the baby?"

"They would have come to us."

"Yesterday Lily asked me why Alice was leaving. She can't be dead, she's not Lily must have overheard, just like she overheard us talking about the baby." I sat up and prepared to go out into the cold and fight whoever was out there, I was ready Jasper had taught me everything I needed to know about fighting, "So what do we do?"

"You, are not going out there!" momma finally said something, "Go stay with Emmett and Rosalie, we have to go and see if there's any clues." She pointed me in the direction.

"But"

"GO!" I ran over to the house, wanting to see what Lily knew but she was sound asleep.

**CHAPTER 9 preview**

"_There are some sketchy vamps around; Leah swore it was the Volturi. She's been patrolling for three days. Now that we know it's the Volturi I'll be patrolling more often. And Leah needs a decent night sleep."_

"_So do you," I told him._

"_I'll be fine; we just need to keep the Volturi away from you in case they're after you."_

"_It couldn't be the Volturi they're worrying about Joham in South America and the werewolves in Russia."_

"_Werewolves in Russia?" he questioned with furrowed brows. _

_I shouldn't have brought it up, I wasn't ready to talk about my time in Russia, so I changed the subject," It worries me when you go on patrol."_

"_I wouldn't dream of worrying you," he said cupping my face and planting a firm yet soft kiss on my forehead," But I want you safe. Now what about these were wolves from Russia?"_

"_Jake, I don't want to talk about it, I just-"_

"_Renesmee, I've given you enough time I want to know what happened to you in Russia!"_

**Can anyone guess what Lily's power is, yet? Please you have to know! Next Chapter up ASAP**


	53. Chapter 9 That Look

**Author's Note:**** Also, I started to do revisions to Last Sunrise/ Gravity and got several PM's about this. Continue to read the original Last Sunrise and I will continue with the revisions after I complete my story. Sound good?**

**TAKE NOTE! I promise Alice isn't DEAD, nor dies. I repeat _Alice is NOT DEAD! _There's been an uproar about this. But **_**seriously**_**, how could I kill off Alice?**

** I hope you've all figured out Lily's powers because she's giving clear signs what it is. (Chapter 34 Last Sunrise)**

**Thanks to:**** Patty(heart)cake, luv2beloved, ernrs, gjmb2000 and randomeow for reviewing so quickly. You guys are amazing! **

**Special shout out to Randomeow for the review for chapter 52!** I especially enjoyed this part of your review:**_ I have been soo obsessed with this, the other storys i have read i've left behind, even facebook_**

That left a gigantic smile on my face!

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Chapter 9 That Look

I did as momma told me, I headed back to Carlisle's. I wished they would have allowed me to help but I was pregnant. I had known about my pregnancy for a day and I was already being given orders and needed to be given permission to do things; such as go out and help with the patrolling. _Grr! _The night was spent with Rosalie and Emmett speaking about Lily and pregnancy. Before I headed of to bed I admitted to them I was pregnant. Emmett naturally gave me his giant bear hug, practically squeezing me to death. "Uh, the baby," I informed him, then he finally let go. Rosalie made a contortion on her face, but a small smile followed. She appeared to be genuinely happy for me and even Jacob.

I headed back to my parents old bedroom, it was becoming all too familiar. I really didn't like that, I wanted to be in my own bed, in my own room, in my own home. Actually, where ever Jacob was, was home. Even if it was in the middle of the Bogachiel State park. I just wanted to be next to him, with him, wherever he went. I found the protectiveness and my selfish need for Jacob bizarre. I was obsessive, possesive. Why was it whenever I was without him, I didn't operate correctly? I hardly lived, I just... _existed._

There was no longer moon light shining through the windows, the clouds hovered overhead and released the soft flecks of snow that floated to the forest floor. By this time next year I would have a baby around, Jacob Jr. or a girl. I had to figure out what would I name a girl? I would have a baby to celebrate Christmas and their birthday. The hard look I could feel on my face from worrying about Jake, softened when I thought this, I was beaming now. Still unable to sleep I watched the once light snow become heavy, I wished Jacob wasn't too cold out there. The snow that touched him probably melted away.

When I heard the click of the door I open, I looked over my shoulder and there _he_ stood. Always on my mind and always there when I wanted him near.

Sitting up I whined, "You've been gone for seven hours."

Snapping my mouth shut, I couldn't believe I was counting the time he was away. Was I really that obsessed? He shut the door behind him and came to my side. Sitting next to me he took hold of both my shoulders and put me back where I was. He affirmed, "I know, I just came from my house. I told Billy."

I felt sort of disappointed I wanted to be there to tell Billy but as long as he was happy for us I didn't care. As he guided my head back down to the pillow, I rested and wondered, "What'd he say?"

"He's happy for us, thrilled."

"What did you talk to my parents about?"

"Stuff," he stated vacantly lying by my side, " We'll talk about it later."

"No, it's fine. I already talked to my parents, most likely the same stuff they talked about with you. How'd Bella treat you?" I wondered with a straight-face. I was still upset with myself for flipping out on my mother but I was still angry at her also for being so mean to Jake.

"She's better," he frowned staring up at the ceiling, "You should probably spend more time with her."

I rotated to my side looking at his picturesque face. Even with his grave expression he looked as beautiful as he ever did, like he always does. "Why? I've been around her my whole life."

"She misses you, you hardly see her anymore and, " he tapped the tip of my nose as he said, "that little threat you made, made her even more upset. She sees you as a stranger."

That made me feel miserable, "I'm not a stranger I'm her daughter."

"I told her that, she's hoping this baby will bring you two together."

"I guess, I could spend more time with her," I reluctantly agreed, not wanting to take time away from Jake but I knew I had to. I owed momma for threatening her life and spending time with my mother wouldn't be so awful.

"Good, and she said something about Alice not seeing things happening this way..."

_Like we weren't supposed to have a baby? Like it wasn't supposed to happen because we weren't meant to be with each other?_

Jake finished "… I guess that's why she was upset, she depends on Alice so much."

"I know she told me the same thing. Alice can't see our future though," I conversed. After I spoke my last word, I had an unexpected soreness pinched at my lower abdomen. Cramps.

"I told Bella the same thing," he continued.

"She's only innate with us like she feels, we're nearby or thinks I may be sad but she's never sure."

"I know," he agreed, "I don't understand why Bella even brought it up. Oh, Edward says the baby doesn't like yelling."

I raised my brow in astonishment. _At two months our baby already had thoughts?_

"He can hear it's thought apparently," he nodded," Also when you held my hand, our thoughts went blank."As he spoke he completely rotated his body facing me entirely.

"Another mysterious power _I _have or were we just blocking our thoughts well?"

"Not sure," he smirked wrapping his arms around my waist dragging me closer to his warm body.

"How was the patrol?" I asked, then I felt the sharp pain in my side, return. I tried my best not to make a big deal.

"We didn't find much…" he kept talking but the pain in my side was bothering me, I didn't hear a word Jake said.

"Ahow!" I said as my hand flew to my stomach. I felt a pressure beneath my hips. A pain I've only felt a few times. Like cramps, I haven't had those since, I started my period when I was five years old.

Jacob let go of me, afraid he had hurt me. His brown eyes gazed at me and propped himself onto elbow. "Did I hurt you?" he asked concerned.

"No, no. I have some cramps," I reassured him.

Though, he didn't believe me, "Are you okay?"

I already googled a few things, I again assured Jake I was alright and this was normal, " It's normal in a pregnancy."

Still he went against my judgment and asked, "Are you sure?"

"Yes " I grinned rolling my eyes. I was glad that he was worried about me, about us, "I'll ask Carlisle tonight."

He sat up and kissed me on the forehead, " I wanted to come wish you good night."

"You're not staying?"

"Not tonight."

Sitting up I took a hold of his sweat pants since he wasn't wearing a shirt, "Jake, stay with me."

"I have to finish the patrol tonight."

"Please," I beseeched him, with a clutch still on the waist of his pants and my other hand took a hold of his wrist pulling him towards me.

He turned looking down at me. "There's some sketchy vamps around, Leah swore it was the Volturi. She's been patrolling for three days. Tonight, we defiantly found out it was them. Now, that we know it's the Volturi I'll be patrolling often. And Leah needs a decent night sleep."

"So do you," I told him, positioning myself on my knees. With the bed and blankets beneath my knees, I was still shorter than Jake.

Looking up at him, I pulled him closer to me with my hand still lingering inside the waist of his lose sweat pants. I bit the bottom of my lip in the most seductive way possible my eyes fluttering from his manliness to his lips. Tonight, I was going to get what I wanted.

With a few fingers still inside the waist of his pants, I glided my index finger from hip to hip, between the warm flesh of his lower abdomen and the cotton of his grey sweatpants. His hip bones were one of the sexiest things I've seen with his ab muscles resting nicely on top of them. I couldn't help but stare at his perfection.

Glancing back up at him, I wrapped my arms around his well built shoulders and his masculine hands clutched to my hips. My heart quivered and my blood pumped at a steady pace in my ears. My blood rushed throughout my entire body, I felt the excitement of lust and love. I needed him. As I pressed my forehead to his, he had to open his flippin mouth, "I'll be fine," he said referring to the amount of sleep he could do without, " we just need to keep the Volturi away from you. In case they are after you."

He totally dodged my advances, something he's been doing since we returned from Russia. He didn't' know what he was talking about, though.

"It couldn't be the Volturi they're worrying about Joham in South America and the werewolves in Russia. They're not after me."

"Werewolves in Russia?" he questioned with furrowed brows, releasing his grip on my hips. I followed his lead and undid the hold I had around his neck. I changed the subject I wasn't ready to talk about my time in Russia, " It worries me when you go on patrol."

"I wouldn't dream of worrying you," he said cupping my face and planting a firm yet soft kiss on my forehead," But I want you safe. Now what about these were wolves from Russia?"

I, still on my knees, sat on the heels of my feet, disappointed that he didn't want the same thing I did, at the moment. But I responded to his question, "Jake, I don't want to talk about it, I just-"

"Renesmee, I've given you enough time I want to know what happened to you in Russia?" he was stern and serious, I had to tell someone what if what happened in Russia had something to do with Alice's disappearance?

"It's kinda a long story," I confessed.

"Well, I have to go now but we'll talk about it tomorrow?"

Disappointed that nothing happened, not even a gentle kiss on the lips, I retorted, " Sure, sure."

I rolled on my back and laid on the feather down comforter completely let down by the man I love. Why can't he show me affection the way he did in London? Why is he holding himself back?

I lied there crossing my arms and pouting like the eleven year old I was. Yes, I was behaving like an adolesent stuck in a twenty year old's body.

But he surprised me and hovered over me, saying, " I'll stop by and check on you later," after he said this he leaned in a kissed me. And I mean he really kissed me, the way I've wanted him to kiss me for the past two months. It was so lust driven that I knew he had a hunger for me the way I did for him. I must have done something right.

His hand found its way to the back of my head and the other around to the small of my back. He somehow gracefully sat himself on the side of the bed and lifted me comfortably sitting upright. He urged his tongue into my mouth, and me being completely turned on, let him. But he pulled away when I showed more progression in my sex drive.

"See you tomorrow night," he said leaving a warm kiss in the crook of my neck.

As he pulled away and stood, I questioned, "Tomorrow night?"

"Or tonight?" he corrected himself since, it was now three fifteen in the morning, " I still have to work Ness, I've been taking too much time off."

"Just quit. Alice can invest some of your cash into the stock market and-"

"No, I want to be able to take care of you and the baby on my own, not your family."

He situated himself near the door, just gazing at me. Giving me that look; the look that said I was the _only_ thing in his life that kept him going, like I was the _only_ one that could make him happy or sad, like I was as beautiful as the nature God has given. Like Bella looked at Edward, like Seth gazed at Lily, like Sam and Emily, Kim and Jared, Paul and Rachel, Embry and Claire. Jacob stared at me like… _I was his imprint. _But I had to quit wishful thinking, I had to just live each day as if it was our last together. I recalled what we were just speaking about. He wanted to be able to support me and the baby, with no financial help from my family.

"Pride isn't a good thing Jacob."

His soft expression, carried a smirk after I spoke those words. He strolled back over to the bed, never once taking his eyes of me. His hand brushed hair behind my ear and he rested his hand on my cheek.

"You remind me of my mother," he informed me with distress.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"It's a very good thing," he said with his hand still loitering on my cheek, "I think it's one of the reasons my dad loves you so much, it's one of the reasons I love you so much."

Not once did he let his eyes move from mine, and somehow I couldn't even blink. I was awe struck by him, I always have been. Not once did he take his warm hand of my cheek, so I wrapped my grasp around his wrist and sent him a vision of my thoughts, something I hadn't done in a long time.

Using my powers, I sent him the memories I had of him as a child. The hunting trips and sleep overs. The pain I felt when I was away from him. Red and blue hews dominated but I showed him more. I let him feel the respect I had for him and the love I felt towards him. I sent images and memories of the night we made love and this morning when I fould out I was pregnant with his child. The I thought, _Love you, Quo Quowle. (Stay with me always)_

"Forever and ever," he promised kissing me again, followed by a kiss on the cheek and another on the forehead.

He took large stride steps over to the door but before he opened it I yelled, "Oh, Jake, Jake!"

"What?" he turned.

"Don't forget, tomorrow we have to see Carlisle about the baby."

He jogged over to me and left another warm kiss lingering on my lips, " I know, do you think I forgot?"

"Maybe?"

"I'm a wolf, I have a pretty damn awesome memory," he ruffled my hair like I was as a child, something I used to get irritated over but now I didn't mind. He trotted over to the door and opened it promising, "I'll meet you at Carlisle's around five or six."

Before he shut the door I shouted, " Hah-ch uh-way!(Good Night)"

He peeked his head back in the door retorting, "Hah- ch uh-way, I love you."

The next day flew by so slowly. I just played with Lily, who seemed to stop growing. Her growth rate was different from mine, at a year old she appeared four or five but her mentality was at the same age. Unlike, I who had the mentality of a full grown woman at the age of We colored a majority of the day where she drew pictures of the old volturi mansion, her home now, her and Seths' wedding and a Christmas picture. We talked and played games, she kept reminding me how much she loved me for taking her away from 'the bad people'. We colored again, she drew a picture of a woman in a wedding gown and a man in a tan suit, another wedding picture. I smirked to myself, she really loves Seth.

"Oh, another one of you and Seth," I teased.

"No, that's you," she pointed at the bride," and that's uncle Jake," she finished pointing at the groom.

After that I was done coloring, I became upset. But I put that behind me, _Jake's imprint could be dead_. I reassured myself.

Of course Lily didn't' want to quit, because coloring was her favorite thing to do. We had to eat lunch and while we did so, I kept asking her about Alice.

"Alice had to leave," she said in her tiny voice.

"Why?"

"I don't know?" she shrugged, "To keep us safe?" she frowned looking at her sandwich. He little nose wrinkled in disgust, "Can we go hunting?"

"No," I shook my head,"the bad people are out there." I reminded her of the Volturri and I pointed to the snow cover yard, her gaze followed where my finger pointed , "Not until your mommy says you can."

She pouted eating her PB & J sandwich. I ate mine with her along with a glass of chocolate milk.

"Nessie? We're they babies?" she wondered.

"There's only one," I informed her placing my hand over my stomach," in my tummy."

"You're not sad about the baby?" she asked. I couldn't comprehend what she was speaking about.

"No."

"But? The baby's gone," she stated.

All day she mentioned this subject but I think she was speaking about me being sad and she spoke about two babies. I assumed she meant mine and Rachel's babies. Then it dawned on me, her biological mother did have powers like Alice, perhaps she was able to see the future? But that couldn't be true nothing she said made sense. (Chapter 34 Last Sunrise)

Eventually, five o'clock rolled around where I waited at Grandpa Carlisle's. Jake showed up at five thirty, in his mechanic's uniform and grease all over. He looked so adorable.

Carlisle made a make-shift doctors office in his home office. Everything that was to be needed was there. He did the normal routine check-up then asked me to lie down on the table and lift my shirt. I did as he asked and he placed cool gel across my surprisingly, still flat stomach. I should at least have a bulge, especially with the rate I grew and I heard Jake grew fast before he phased. So why was our baby small? Then I heard it, there was a clear strumming.

"There's the heart beat," Carlisle said. "How far along did you say you were?"

"About eight or nine weeks?" I said wondering why I was telling him, he was the doctor.

"Well, by now it's about the size of a strawberry," he spoke looking over at the moniter frowning. I was staring at the sonogram along with him but I didn't see a thing, just fuzziness.

At my side Jake was holding my hand, "It's real Ness." He gazed at me, not at the monitor, completely in wonderment.

"I can't see through the amniotic sack," Carlisle said, "but there's a steady heart beat, and you appear to be healthy."

"Is that normal?" I wondered.

"Bella had the same problem with you." I wasn't sure what to do with that information but apparently it wasn't bad if Carlisle wasn't worried.

Grandpa asked, " Do you have any questions?"

"Is cramps normal?" Jacob asked for me as he still had a tight grip on my hand.

"Yes, all PMS signs are quite normal," he chuckled.

"I've had the same symptoms, your scent's burning my nose at the moment, cold flashes, the burning in my throat is still gone. Also, I've been having sharp pains in my side, like cramps and I've had some bleeding."

"Bleeding is normal, just not excessively and cramps are normal also. But this is you Renesmee I'm not sure what is normal or what is dangerous to your pregnancy. You understand I can't have all the answers for you right?"

"I understand," I concurred.

"It's in God's hands," he said.

**Chapter 10 preview**

_**So we found out what the Volturi did with Ness, like the testing and experiments with drugs etc. But in the next chapter we will find out what else happened... It's gonna get interesting!**_

"_Aro ranked me as dangerous, I'm unsure why, Jane said it was because I killed Demetri but I also think it's because I can pierce through her and Alec's powers. You see Edward and Alice would only be ranked as grey, they have abilities but they are of no threat they're just useful. Momma on the other hand would be considered dangerous and even Jasper."_

"_Why, though?"_

"_Bella can't feel a mental attack what-so-ever and a large amount of vampire's powers are mental. And Jasper he can control feelings, he could easily make the Volturi's enemies frightened. You see Momma and Jasper would be beyond useful."_

"_That doesn't make sense as to why you are dangerous."_

"_I'm not exactly sure Aro always called me strong willed and I guess with powers like Bella's I'm ranked as she would be."_


	54. Chapter 1o The Wawkalak & Bodark

**Author's Note****: Okay in this chapter was so **_**LONG **_**I had to split it into two parts… You will seriously need to pay attention to understand. Questions are welcomed and expected. Please pay attention to what's going on. But I got the idea when I googled Russian werewolves. I took some key points of the story and formed my own. **** (Link of Russian Werewolves on my profile.) Oh and mild lemons, sorry = ( . **

**Thanks to: ****Randomeow, luv2beloved, Yoda11,Black Phoneix-2009 ernrs, patty(heart)cake, gjmb2000 for reviewing! **

**Thanks to: Elloducky & Mickey J for favorite-ing**

**and Final Thanks to: iaminlove for putting this stroy on story alert**

**Ha Ha! Randomeow thanks for another good review especially this part- **_Aww, jacob needs to tell nessie! haha. it frustrates me. But i guess if he told her the angst would be gone._

**EXACTLY! **

**Now I know I have tons of favorite-ing people and story alert people but why don't you review? I would like to see at least one new person leave one.**

**FYI I like long reviews, what do you think is Jake's next move after this? And how do you think Ness is truly feeling? Just wondering **

**Happy reading!**

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Chapter 10 The Wawkalak and Bodark

Nine days later, we had another appointment with Carlisle. Whatever the amniotic sac was made of made it difficult for Carlisle to see through. The doppler let me hear my child's beautiful heartbeat, it sounded as galloping horses. Although I felt ugly and bloated, I was overcome with joy when I heard this. Jake at that point had been working overtime at the shop and doing double duty patrolling.. Another reason I knew he wasn't my imprint. If I was how could he leave me every chance he got? Especially with patrolling, he could have taken a night of to spend with me.

I was beginning to become bored with myself sitting at home all day. Maybe I should get a job or join Peninsula College in Port Angeles. In that one week, my clothes were becoming tighter and I've never thought much about vanity but I've never felt so unattractive in my life and gaining five pounds didn't help. I began having morning sickness, it wasn't enjoyable at all. My sense of smell was so strong now that I couldn't be in the same room as my family for longer than a few minutes. I couldn't believe Jake stuck around so long, smelling _that_.

Momma, Edward, Emmett and Esme headed off to Russia to see if the Volturi were in Russia. Lily insisted Alice and Jazz weren't there. And like Lily predicted they came home empty handed. It was a dreary holiday without Auntie Ally and Uncle Jazz but we made the best of it. Christmas came and went; Lily somehow knew I had bought her an art set. She had to be able to tell the future but something's she spoke about mad no sense just like the babies she always mention. She kept repeating I was having two babies not one and that she doesn't want to see me sad. I let what she said roll off my back, after all she was a child and her imagination was going to run wild for a few more years. For Christmas I replaced Jacob's passenger door, since I had dented and ripped the handle off last month. Also I got the seats reupulstered as a bonus. Jacob had made me a new bracelet since my old one was so small I couldn't wear it. When he given it to me he promised he would always be there for me and I thought about my promise ring he had made when he went missing last year. It broke my heart that I had lost it but he said he could always make a new one.

A few days later, on the twenty ninth of December, Esme had suggested Jacob go look at a house on Mora road. It was halfway between La Push and Forks. On the way to see it, I was having strong cramps that made me have to catch my breath a few times but I played it cool, no use in worrying Jacob. We drove down Mora Road and pulled off onto a dirt drive that lead up to the house. Good, there was privacy, Jacob needed privacy with him phasing all the time. As we pulled up, I knew it was perfect for Jacob. It was uncomplicated like Jacob. It was simple and served a purpose. Nothing to gigantic, flashy or fancy like my parents and grandparents home.

It had a wraparound porch and a small garage of to the side of the property. The tall trees hide the house from the world supporting the idea of privacy. Sure it needed some TLC and thought the snow covered the shrubberies I could tell they needed to be cut back. I loved it. (Link on profile) We stepped out of the Rabbit in unison staring at the magnificence of this house. It had cedar siding and wooden side boards and stunning original windows. My logical side thought about the heating bill and the cost of one month's pay. Then I remembered this was Jacob, he didn't need a heater.

We walked up to the porch steps and peeked inside. Perfect was the only word that came to mind, simply perfect. We walked around the porch peeking in each room. It was a three bedroom two bath home, with no bulls*** room, just a kitchen and living room nothing more. It had rustic charm. It was old but had character, like my father. I giggled to myself.

"What?" he laughed. As he stepped nearer to me I could hear his boot hit the wood beneath it.

Looking at his coffee colored eyes, I sniggered, "Nothing, I was just thinking, how perfect this house is."

"I'm glad there's a garage," he said taking his hand out of his thin sweater pockets and pointing to the east.

"I know that's great for you. I wish would could see inside," I uttered glancing through the paned window.

"Do you like it?" he wondered stealing a look at me.

When he did that it made my face redden, I'm amazed that after all these years he still made me blush. Feeling the sensation of blushing under my cheeks I responded, "It doesn't matter whether or not I like it you're buying it."

His brows furrowed and his head cocked at my statement. "Well, you're moving in with me. Right? I don't want to buy a house if you don't like it."

He actually wanted me to move in with him! I reflected upon an optimistic future. A future where he had no imprint, a future where he was mine forever. I imagined our child, a boy, this baby was a boy. Grinning, I could see Jacob and our son playing in the front yard, maybe soccer or catch . I sitting on the porch watching them as the spring air was swiping the hair around my face. My entire soul surged with elation and complete excitement. I couldn't wait for my hopeful forthcoming. I was ecstatic and the only reaction I had was to kiss him. I skipped over to him jumping on him wrapping my legs around his waist, and my arms surrounding his neck, planting kisses up his neck and his cheek repeatedly. He firmly gripped his hands under my bottom , making certain I wouldn't fall from his strong arms.

Next, I planted a demanding kiss on his tepid lips. Felling his smile in our kiss put me on cloud nine. Him being happy made me delighted. I deepened our kiss, hoping it would help him understand how much I needed him near me, in me. I wanted him to be aware of how much I loved him. Currently, I was in a cold in a cold flash, thanks to the pregnancy, but I couldn't tell with the warmth of his body on mine. So when his warm tongue touched my cold one, I was sexually awakened. I could tell his rouse when he pushed me up against the outside wall of the house.

His lukewarm hands creeped up beneath my jacket and shirt and he rubbed my back. My feminine core was now tightly pressed against his member. At that second I could feel his hard stimulation. Slowly, as he intensified our kiss, he easily rocked against me. I now knew he was as sexually provoked as I was. He pulled away unzipping my jacket so my collar bone was exposed. The cool December breeze brushed my wet lips. He started trailing kisses down my neck stopping at the top of my chest. As quickly as I could I pulled of his light sweater and threw it to the deck porch beneath our feet. Leaving one hand on the small of my back, his other hand found its way to the back of my head. His fingers were tangled in my wavy hair and yet again he kissed me with such desire. _I was ready. Here and now_.

Still thrusted against the siding of the house, my hands lowered to his jeans. As I began to unbutton them, he let up on the pressure he had put on me, that was keeping me pressed against the wall. My feet found their way to the surface under my feet. His hands found their way to my hips and now he started kissing at the hollow of my neck. Still I attempted to unbutton his jeans when his hands found mine and he laced them together. Leaning over my right shoulder he whispered into my ear, "Not until we get married."

A second ago I was so eager to have him to start a future with him, but when he put it in words I was negatively provoked. Why would we be married when he was just going to leave me for his imprint! Frustrated, I stepped back away from him saying, "You're an idiot."

"Why am I an idiot?"

He was on loan until he found his imprint. I'm taking what I can get. Wrapping my arms back around his neck with an undertone I sighed, "Come on we've done it before, and we don't have to worry about getting pregnant."

"Renesmee, even if I said yes, we're not doing it out here, on a splintered porch, of a house we don't live in."

"No one lives here, its empty. Please, there's no one around," I whined releasing my hands.

"No, that's final."

Freaking Alpha tone, how come every time he used it I obeyed, I wasn't in his pack. I walked away from him, irritated. _I just needed to have him, all of him._ Pissed off, I positioned myself on the rickety stairs resting my elbows on my knees. I stared at his car that was parked in my line of vision. I wanted to punch something, and it would be his car. My metal punching bag. For a second I was actually going to get up and let all my frustration out on the Volkswagon. But he stepped down past me standing in front of my view of the metal punching bag.

"Do remember all those talks we had about premarital sex?"

"Yeah," I nodded, not looking at him.

He sighed and said, " I made a mistake in London."

Wow. What a freaking stab to my heart. Hurtfully, I murmured, "What are you saying? That I'm not good enough, that what happened was a mistake?"

"That's not what I meant," he stated ruefully.

"Was I not worth it?" I complained looking up at him.

His eyes always carried his expression, it was one of his best features. His eyes dropped in a puppy dog fashion and he whimpered, "Of course you were…don't ever think you weren't!"

"I can't comprehend."

"I practically lied, I-I," he released a heavy sigh kicking at the snow under his feet. Looking back up to me he said,"What a hypocrite I am for telling you to wait until you were married and there I was having _premarital sex_. "

I just listened to him and snickered at him acting as a parental figure. He wasn't a parental figure anymore, I wouldn't want him as one, not like he once was. A long time ago he was a caring uncle, then a protective brother, then a faithful friend, and though I was not his soul mate, he was mine. He wasn't my parent, he was my lover! This is so strange, that he's seen me grow up and I used to see him one way and now, everything has altered.

As I fretfully played with my fingers, I blankly stated, "You're not my father Jacob."

"No, but we should have waited."

"Are you sure I was worth it?"

He kneeled before me, making sure our eyes met, "You're worth more than my life. I went half way around the world to save you, Renesmee," then he whispered almost ashamed, "_I lost my virginity to you."_

"But do you regret it?"

"No, not entirely," he stated still seeming ashamed, then he added, "I was scared."

"Scared?"

"I wanted you so bad," he stated standing up again towering over me, "I needed you but in the very back of my mind, I thought about your age," when he said that I rolled my eyes, "how much I missed you and loved you but I was afraid of what would happen when _that_ moment came. What if I lost control, what if I hurt you?"

"You wouldn't have hurt me Jake."

"I could have," he stood and started pacing in front of me.

"No, you know how to control yourself better than the other werewolves."

Stopping in his tracks he looked to me, like dear in the headlights, "The wolves in Russia?"

"I'm just talking out loud," I shoke my head attempting to blow it off. A ache in my stomach returned, I inhaled deeply. Why must cramps hurt so freaking bad!

Jake noticed and just frowned saying, "NO, no you're supposed to tell me what happened in Russia and you brought it up, now tell me."

" Technically I don't think you are a werewolf, but the technicalities don't matter, there are other werewolves out there. Which is why the Volturi were in Russia."

"I'm not following."

" I didn't exactly tell you everything."

"You're right," he said ridiculing, "you've told me nothing."

Licking my chapped lips, I prepared to tell the story I wished I couldn't remember." The Volturi had originally moved to Russia because the weather is cloudy a good percentage of the year, and the population was more than doubled from Volterra. Another advantage was in Russian they're more worried about werewolves than vampires."

He leaned himself on the rails and crossed his arms and legs listening. His head lowered to my level, his face was hard and serious. He was in Alpha mood, yes he was all business at the moment.

My eyes peeked up to his tall stature and then I looked back down to the snow on the ground. " There's two types of were-wolves in Russia some called Wawkalak and the other are Bodark. The Bodark make themselves known, they're just as bad as the Volturi hunting humans as prey, to eat. They've made life easier on the Volturi."

"Because people thought more about werewolves than vampires?"

I nodded, " The Wawkalak are good they protect, like you. They're cursed, some say by the devil himself, like us vampires."

He frowned at that, but if Carlisle's opinion on Lilith and the origin of vampires it was true. The devil cursed us making us demon like as the Wawkalak.

"Not even the Wawkalak know why they were turned, I believe it's because they're good people and the devils thrives on their suffering. The only down fall of them is that they only turn when the moon is out, unlike you when you can do whenever you choose to do so. If it's a cloudy night they can't protect people from the Bodark or vampires."

Looking up to my right he was still standing tense and intently, gazing at me. Unenthusiastically I continued, "The Bodark's are people who chose to be werewolves. Something with a copper knife, tree and a chant anyways they want to be werewolves. I guess to be strong and powerful, somewhat similar to the Volturi. They turn only at nightfall and they become animalistic, they have no conscience. Which is how they must be in human form. They starve for human flesh the way vampires crave human blood."

"Why are you telling me all this? What happened in Russia?" he questioned concerned.

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Chapter 1o continued preview

"There was a war."

"A war?" he wondered.

Vacantly, I stared of at the frosty greenery verbalizing, "You think people would be frightened about a vampire verse werewolf war but I wasn't. It doesn't even compare to human war. Or the humans caught in the crossfire of these wars."

"What do you mean?"

"To me, I used to think, human life was so much more precious than a vampire or werewolf. Aro told me vampires have no soul, and if so where does that leave me? With half a soul?"

"Renesmee, you have a soul and a conscious."

" I don't know whether I believe him or not? But many human lives were lost in this war. It consisted of several small battles and one major one in a small deserted village (Link on profile) but, I was glad to see so many members of the Volturi die and the Bodark. But I felt guilty for leading them to their death, because once they were apart of humanity. They were humans and I lead them to their death. If I have a soul that's on me."

"How did you lead them to their death?"

**WOW! I think this is beginning to get VERY interesting**


	55. Chapter 1o continued

**Author's Note: ****I'm officially going to throw my freaking LapTop out the FLIPPIN window! Because I promised to improve on my spelling and grammar I spent two hours editing this chapter, I was literally on the last paragraph, when whada ya know? Internet f***ing explorer unexpectedly shuts off! F***!F***!F***! excuse my language. I'm so angry. My verbiage was flawless and now this is only a half fast version. I'm SO SORRY! It was a million times better but I'm so frustrated I just had to get it posted and forget about this stupid chapter. **

**Okay sorry about the last chapter, my grammar and spelling was horrible. I need to stop editing at 1am when I'm already half asleep. I'll try better. **

**Woo! Now understand this, Bodark are like the Volturi and Wawkalak are like the pack. Make sense?**

**This is sort of a heart wrenching chapter, Ness witness's death for the first time. = ( **

**Yet again, please stay focused if you want to understand the story. Questions and comments are expected for this chapter.**

**Thanks to all of those who reviewed, alert-ed me and favorite me as an author and my story. I'm so sorry about not listing your names I promise I will next time. So leave many reviews and I like long reviews that explain: what you think may happen, what you fear might happen, what you wish would happen etc. **

**SHOUT OUT TO: Kakayla because of this review **

this is one of the best fanfic i have read yet of twilight. are you going to update soon? my favorite part is well the whole thing. keep writing this please

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Previously:

Licking my chapped lips, I prepared to tell the story I wished I couldn't remember._ " The Volturi had originally moved to Russia because the weather is cloudy a good percentage of the year, and the population was more than doubled from Volterra. Another advantage was in Russian they're more worried about werewolves than vampires."_

He leaned himself on the rails and crossed his arms and legs listening. His head lowered to my level, his face was hard and serious. He was in Alpha mood, yes he was all business at the moment.

My eyes peeked up to his tall stature and then I looked back down to the snow on the ground._ " There's two types of were-wolves in Russia some called Wawkalak and the other are Bodark. The Bodark make themselves known, they're just as bad as the Volturi hunting humans as prey, to eat. They've made life easier on the Volturi."_

"_Because people thought more about werewolves than vampires."_

I nodded_, " The Wawkalak are good they protect, like you. They're cursed, some say by the devil himself, like us vampires."_

He frowned at that, but if Carlisle's opinion on Lilith and the origin of vampires was true. The devil cursed us making us demons as the Wawkalak_. _

"_Not even the Wawkalak know why they were turned, I believe it's because they're good people and the devils thrives on their suffering. The only down fall of them is that they only turn when the moon is out, unlike you when you can do whenever you choose to do so, hence the name shape-shifter. If it's a cloudy night they can't protect people from the Bodark or vampires." _

Looking to up to my right he was still standing tense and intently. Unenthusiastically I continued_, "The Bodark's are people who chose to be werewolves. Something with a copper knife, tree and a chant anyways, they want to be werewolves. I guess to be strong and powerful, somewhat similar to the Volturi. They turn only at nightfall and they become animalistic, they have no conscience. Which is how they must be in human form. They starve for human flesh the way vampires crave human blood."_

"_Why are you telling me all this? What happened in Russia?"_ he questioned concerned.

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Chapter 10 The Wawkalak and Bodark continued…

"There was a war."

"A war?" he wondered.

Vacantly, I stared of f at the frosty greenery verbalizing, "You think people would be frightened about a vampire verse werewolf war but I wasn't. It doesn't even compare to human war, or the humans caught in the crossfire of these wars."

"What do you mean?"

My mind was off in another place thinking of all the human lives involved in that stupid senseless war, all the lost lives was devastating. All losing their lives just so the Bodark and Volturi could gorge on the blood and flesh. Then, I just began to babble, "To me, I used to think, human life was so much more precious than a vampire or, a werewolf's life. I don't know why? Many human lives were lost in this war but, I was glad to see so many members of the Volturi die. It knocked back their ego a lot. Over half of the Volturi and a good percentage of the Bodark died. But I felt guilty for leading them to their death, because once they were apart of humanity. They were humans."

"How did you lead them to their death?" While he asked, a mild pain hit my lower abdomen causing me to inhale deeply but I continued to finally tell him about what had happened.

"Secretly, Marcus let me go to the city. On this particular day, I took Lily to a wood mill. I wanted her to feel like a normal child. The mill had wood carvings of animals, bears, wolves, people, all beautifully painted, and there was a playground. We were there a whole five minutes when I caught a whiff of a scent that reminded me so much of yours. It ended up being a family of three that had the similar odor. I initiated a conversation with the happy family. When I came in close contact theirs smell wasn't as great as I thought, not like yours. Lily and this couple's son Joseph got along. I spent all day letting Lily play with him. The couple eyed me questioning many random things but they were friendly. Eventually, I found out they were Wawkalak's and they their story. They could tell I was part vampire, but they trusted me."

My heart ached a bit speaking of them as I continued, " I would visit the Wawkalak's often, their fragrance was the only reminder I had of you…"

He wheezed a silent chuckled. My cramps were becoming irritating and my butt was becoming sore from sitting on the hard wooden stairs but I ignored it and continued, "What?"

Jake smirked as he questioned, "What about that tattoo you have?"

When I returned the smirk, his tension eased up and he was no longer in Alpha mood, he was just my best friend, my Jacob. He leaned against the railing still and casually placed one of his thumbs through the belt loops of the same jeans I was trying to take off him not but five minutes ago.

"Oh and that too," I confessed, "Occasionally I visited them when they were in their wolf form but usually they were human. They have prejudices against vampires like you. The Bodark's gave Wawkalak's a bad name, they made them become feared because people couldn't tell the difference between either. Tensions were always high between these groups but the Volturi came in and created more friction. They feared a battle would be soon. So I helped them plan out strategies."

"Why would the Wawalak get involved in a war between the Bodark and Volturi?" as Jake asked he sat on the porch stairs, they creaked when his weight was set on the step. I was positioned on the second step from the bottom and he sat few stairs up from the one I was sitting on. Most likely so his long legs wouldn't be at his chin. Where he was I had to look back at him and say," Because they're like you. They want to protect their loved ones and human life."

"Oh," he bobbed his head up and down.

I turned my gaze back to my hands then up to the snowy trees. I could feel his gaze at the back of my head."I had told them the Volturi had ranks, and if there was ever a war between the Bodark and Volturi like they anticipated, I told them I would inform them and they would need to pose as Bodark's. When they agreed the word spread to all Wawkalak's in the area, collectively there was seventy two Wawkalak's.

"Wow," I heard him gasp from behind.

" The first plan was to take the red guards down first."

His voice reached my right ear, "Why the red guards?"

"The Volturi have ranks, red is non-threatening vamps with basic abilities. Attack them and the Bodark first, I told them, because the grey and black ranks would be on the sidelines watching."

"What do the greys and blacks rank?"

" Grey were stronger, with powers. The black ranks, had powers also but they were considered the most dangerous, like Jane, Alec and myself."

Still not looking back at him, I still observed the lovely view of the flurry covered yard infront of me."You?" he inquired with a squeaky stunned tone.

"Aro ranked me as dangerous, " I scowled, now I was starting to feel dizzy. _Pregnancy symptoms kinda suck _I thought and continued, "I'm unsure why, Jane said it was because he favored me and didn't want me harmed in battle. I think it was because I killed Demetri. You see Edward and Alice would only be ranked as grey, they have abilities but they're of no threat, just useful. Momma on the other hand would be considered dangerous and even Jasper."

He raised the question, "Why thought?"

For some reason I couldn't look behind me, I couldn't look him in the eyes. I found comfort in him and if I dare gazed into his eyes he would suck me into his comforting ways. I would just break down and cry and I was sick of crying. Though, for once, I wouldn't be crying over Jake.

"Bella can't feel a mental attack what-so-ever and a large amount of vampire's powers are mental. And Jasper he can control feelings he could easily make the Volturi's enemies frightened. You see Momma and Jasper would be beyond useful."

"That doesn't make sense as to why you are dangerous."

Finally, I turned my head to my right stating, "I'm not exactly sure but Aro always called me strong willed and I guess with powers like momma's I'm ranked as she would be."

"That's why as soon as you hit the ground, you were up within seconds."

I recalled the many times Jane and Alec would use their powers on me, only to be disappointed a few seconds later when I could drown out their powers and pierce through them. (Chapter 37 Last Sunrise)

"How did the war begin?" he asked scooting closer to me. Now I could feel his knee resting on the side of the back of my right rib cage. _Why couldn't he just wrap his arms around me?_

"Aro remembers your pack, he remembers how strong and powerful you wolves are. He appreciated the fact that the Bodark took the strain off of vampire suspicions, so he attempted to make them his allies but failed. He used far too much force with them. Of course Marcus, was against it, Cauis wanted to see them dead and Aro decided to use more force. He captured one of them, causing a riot among the Bodark. I was glad I thought ahead to talk to Svetlana and Stepan before the war ever broke out. "

"Who were they,?"

"The Wawalak's I sniffed out. The couple with the son," he nodded and I continued, " They were the first two friends I've made in a long time and their son, Joseph was the cutest thing."

"So there are children werewolves and there are more female werewolves like Leah?"

"No, Joseph wasn't a Wawkalak he was just a normal little boy and yes there are others like Leah. Female Wawkalaks are more common than female Bodarks. Uhm," I swallowed back my whimpers. My soul ached thinking of them and my voice shook as I proceeded, " before Svetlana and Stepan were turned into Wawkalak, they had a Joesph."

"Also Wawkalaks communicate with each other only if they wish to communicate with each other. The Bodark can't. And because of that Bodark's cannot tell the difference between themselves and Wawkalak. There were a few small battles in random villages near Moscow. The Volturi and Bodark would wait to fight for they, feasted before each battle. Killing all the villagers or at least most of them. When the main war did break out, I," pausing, I snapped forward in pain, not emotional but physical pain. My head was resting on my knees as my hands wrapped around my stomach. These cramps were hurting horribly. Jake's hand patted my back soothingly. The combination of emotional and physical pain made my eyes leak with salty tears.

I fought those tears back the best I could, hoping Jake didn't' see the few that had rolled down my cheek. I sat straight back up from crouched position, then I carried on. "I suggested female Wawkalaks stay back until the majority of the battle was over. The male Wawkalak fought against the Volturi posing as Bodarks, like I had told them to do so. Aro had me hide in this old wooden church, Stepan and Svetlana dropped Joey off before the moon came out. After more than half the Volturi were dead,they retreated, but I hung back because I was watching Lily and Joseph out in the old abandoned church." (Link of profile)

"The Wawkalak females came and joined the males and turned on the Bodarks, killing a majority of them. Overall the Wawkalak won. Only forty out of seventy-two survived. After both Bodark and Wawkalak were killed, they turned back into human form. No one came for me but Marcus. Lily was in my arms and Joseph clung to my leg, I saw two bodies that I had to hide from his vision," I halted trying to fight back tears, " Stepan and Svetlana didn't make it."

My eyes stung and Jake's hand left my back. It felt cold now and I was upset having to recall these memories. Jake then sat behind me with one of his legs on each of my sides. He drew my back closer to his chest wrapping his arms my shoulders. And I leaned my elbows over his thick muscular quads.

Nuzzling at the side of my face, I leaned into him as he asked, "What happened to Joseph?"

"His parents were dead, what was I supposed to do? I took him back with me to the Volturi, then they, they," I hitched my breath and I carried forward, "they killed him."

"Why would they do that?"

"Because he was only four, he was a liability to them," I cried.

"Oh, Ness," he gasped pulling me even tighter to him, kissing my neck.

"Now I know why momma and daddy tell me not to get attached to humans, because losing them hurt so much."

Jake rested his chin on the top of my crown saying, "But Billy, Charlie…"

"I know, but they're family. I experienced death Jacob, there was so much death. And I killed Svetlana and Stepan….and little Joey."

"Ness, it wasn't your fault."

"I told them to fight, I told them to fight… I lead them to their death."

Now my tears were visible, and Jacob did what he's always done, what he does best. He soothed me, nuzzling his face at the top of my crown and kissing it. He asked, "Would they have fought whether or not you gave your strategy?"

"Y-y-yeah but…" I sniffled but he just comforted me as I needed.

"They would have gone whether or not they met you. None of this was your fault, there was already tension between them right?"

He was right, I didn't cause it but I did help kill of half the Volturi. A few tears eased and I said, "We returned back to Moscow and you were there the next week to save me. The one thing I fear is that, " I couldn't even fathom what I was going to say, so I didn't utter the words. The contraction in my lower abdomen hit again, but I forged ahead saying, " Jacob I'm scared."

My back was pressed even tighter to his chest and his arms clasped around my waist. He nuzzled his nose in the crook of my neck ," Why are you scared, you have me?"

" I'm scared they'll try to build up the Volturi again and come after us. That's probably why they came for Alice and Jasper."

He rested his chin on my left shoulder stating, "We don't' know what happened to them."

"I think they're with the Volturi. Lily says they are."

"Why would you count on what she says?"

"Her mother was like Alice and I wonder if she has those powers, she told my dad that the Volturi weren't in Russia and when they went no one was at the mansion. But I'm sure they only came after me to get to the rest of my family and now he has his eyes set on you."

He stiffened behind me, I could feel his warm breath on my neck as he said, "They'll never get to me."

"I told Aro you can only phase in La Push but if Alice and Jasper are with them, Aro will see I was lying. They'll just come here and try to kidnap you."

I sucked in a breath and felt a cold flash surge through my body but I could hardly tell with Jacob's arms around my waist. As I cried, Jake moved my hair from the left side of my neck to the opposite. I could feel the frosty air tickle my neck. My collar bone and top of my chest felt the cold air also, since Jacob had unzipped my jacket exposing the skin earlier. He nestled the tip of his nose in the crook of my neck and he spoke into my neck like a microphone saying, "Renesmee, I love you."

I could feel his hot breath in my ear as he nibbled at my ear lobe. My head leaned up and the back of my head rested against his left shoulder. Now, I was becoming sexually agitated and I could feel the moisture beneath the belt flow. I stretched my hands up in the air and brought them behind me, since Jacob was directly behind me my hands were clasped on his neck.

His kisses journeyed from ear lobe and crawled down to my neck. I pushed my shoulder blades against his chest as I absent mindedly arched my back. His soft lips remained at my neck nibbling, sucking and kissing. As he did this, his hand found its way beneath my shirt. His scorching arms made contact with the skin of my soft stomach and his other hand was on its way down my shirt. _Why was he doing this to me? Why when he had no intention to give me what I really wanted?_

He loving touched and petted my breast. Before I knew it, the hand that was beneath my shirt fondling my breast found its way to the waist of my jeans. His hand played at the most sensitive area and then his fingers cruised to my core. As he thrusted, slight whimpers escaped from my lips. Now, I wasn't even focused on the cramps I was having earlier or the emotional strain I had all, I could only feel his fingers deep inside me.

This wasn't the exact intimacy I wanted but we were half way there. I guess I could meet him half way, soon I would have to return the favor. I turned my neck and he leaned down to kiss me. As we started kissing, the pain in my stomach was so sharp, that I shouted, "Oww!" Then I felt a similar sting at my back. I hissed in pain and right away Jacob pulled his fingers out of the area I still wanted them.

In great disappointment, I didn't reach my climax. With the back of my head resting on his shoulder he said, "Ness, there's blood."

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Chapter 11 preview

"_Well, what does it usually think?" I asked curiously. _

_Daddy replied instantly, " Usually it just thinks of colors, warmth and comfortable things, like the sounds of your voices. Sometimes it isn't thinking at all, like now."_

_I lowered my head to my soft belly. I came as close as I could and started speaking to the baby, "Listen, please. Wake up baby, wake up!"_

" _It's not like you, you understood things before you were born, your baby doesn't."_


	56. Chapter 11 Lilith's Curse

**Author's note: We're all giving obstacles to leap over and Ness is facing some pretty serious mazes to journey through.**

**Thanks to: Sammie0014, Patty(heart)Cake, Randomeow, luv2beloved, gjmb2000 and my random reviewers for reviewing. **

**And to okiou1, for not only reviewing but favorite-ing. **

**Oh I did a one-shot called PROM NIGHT. It's a piggy-back one-shot to this story based on their prom night. Please read it! I will be doing many one shots that dig deeper into their rising tension. =) **

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Chapter 11 Lilith's Curse.

Frantically, Jacob sat up wiping the red discharge on his jeans. He stepped back beneath the overhang of the porch, grabbing his jacket from the outdoor lumber floorboards. At first I thought his response to what had happened was disgust but his quick actions told me otherwise. As his heavy weight sunk each tread he stepped on, I looked into his eyes and saw concern.

"You okay?" he wondered anxiously placing one hand on my cheek.

"Yeah," I countered with no worries, " just cramps and blood but that's normal," I informed his as I still sat on the porch stairs, shrugging.

Stepping back from me, one of his eyebrows raised and his nostrils flared. His puckered brow told me he didn't agree with my comment. "Ness, that," he pointed at my blood drenched jeans, " is NOT normal. You have to see Carlisle right now."

As I looked down, there was more blood than I expected, I realized how serious this could be. I could have sworn my heart stopped. _What if something was wrong with the baby?_My hand flew to my tummy and I did something, that I could never remember doing. I prayed. Before I could respond to Jake, he was already talking to Grandpa Carlisle on the cell phone. He was opening the doors, and shuffling stuff around in his car. He pulled out a blanket he kept in his car, since I had cold flashes, and he placed it on the passenger side sea, all while talking to Carlisle. As I started to sit up he strictly instructed, "Don't move!"

I obeyed his order putting my butt back to the uncomfortable timber stairs. Severe cramping and bleeding wasn't normal in a human pregnancy but I assumed since I was half vampire, that things would be intensified for me_. Maybe I was wrong, perhaps I shouldn't had taken my symptoms lightly_. _This had to be normal for me. Correct? _

Watching Jacob pace around making footprints in the snow, he put his light sweater back on. The phone was still presses to his ear as he shouted, "Carlisle, I don't care if you're shift doesn't end for another two hours, we need you here!"

I would have willingly went to Forks Community Hospita, where grandpa Carlisle used to work, l but I couldn't, I wasn't human. If they took my temperature, I would be legally considered dead. Especially now since my temperature ran low, instead of my usual temperature of one hundred in three point seven. People could have quite possibly asked too many questions, forcing I and my family to move. And I wasn't leaving La Push, I belonged here.

"UGH!" In frustration, I could hear Jacob growl and he threw his phone into the large cluster of trees. You could hear the echo of it crashing against one of them. "Damn it!" he shouted.

Running his manly hands through his dark hair, he collected himself and turned to me. Jogging over towards me I could tell he was distressed. He grabbed one of my arms and draped it across his shoulder helping me get up. It was sweet but I could still walk. His arms swept at the back of my knees and suddenly my feet were listed from the ground. As quickly as he could he treaded over to the Rabbit where the passenger door was already open.

His eyes smoldered with great purpose. His brows were drawn together and I could feel his heart beat, that was at a quicker pace, just as mine was. My body quivered as it would in adrenaline, but what I was feeling was clearly not adrenaline, it was fear. A deeper fear than I had when the Wawkalak's went to war, when I hung back in the abandoned church, and perhaps I held more fear now for my child than I did when Jake charged at Jane back in Russia. He could have been killed.

Setting me in the passenger seat Jake kissed my forehead before slamming the car door. Hoping in the Rabbit, he started the engine and sped off. His hand had a tight grip on the wheel but still he said no words. He was focused on his mission, one which I knew nothing about.

With my curiosity I asked, "Jake where are we going?"

"I'm taking you to Carlisle's."

"Carlisle's at work though," I said and thought perhaps because of this, that's why he threw his cell.

A low grumble rumbled in his chest and with great irritation he stated, "He left but it'll take him two hours to get home, so we have to wait."

Jake never once mentioned my health or the baby's and I was glad, I tried hard not to think about it. The blunt ache in my back lowered and dulled before it returned. Jake took swift action, it was nice to know he could stay calm in extreme situations. He sped through the streets at ninety miles per hour. Don't think Grandpa Charlie would forgive him for this.

Even thought Jake didn't speak of my well being, I couldn't help but let a few tears fall, not only from the pain but from knowing I could be losing my child. Months ago I didn't even think having a child was possible, which caused me to desire them even more. People always want what they can't have.

We made it to the house and Jacob yet again carried me inside. In the foyer of the home everyone seemed to gravitate.

"Jacob I can walk," I whispered.

After I said that he put me down, wrapping me in a troubled hug. When he finally released from our hug, I turned to see everyone staring at my stained jeans. "I'll go get you some pants," momma said rushing out to the cottage in vamp speed.

"Sweetie, are you okay?" Esme asked.

Turning to Jacob I didn't answer my grandmother. "Go to Carlisle's office," he avowed.

"But," I started before being cut off.

"Go!" he ordered pointing the direction he wanted me to go.

Before I headed to Carlisle's office, momma met me at the bottom of the stairs handing me a fresh pair of sweats and underwear. She smiled placing the clothes in my arms. Before she turned I took a page from Jacob's book and showed my mother that I still needed her no matter how old I became. I took a hold of her hand and showed her my worst fear. Jacob and I standing in the rain, with an umbrella over head blocking the rain from hitting our black clothes. In the background there was our families walking away venturing between the tombstone maze. I cried and Jacob comforted me as we looked down at a miniature headstone. Both of us were clearly grieving.

"Don't think that way," she stated wrapping my in a mothering hug.

I waited in Carlisle's office, for those two hours alone. I didn't know where Jacob was or why he wasn't here comforting me. Then a slight thumb hit the door a few times and Carlisle walked in with Jacob following closely behind. Something was off about Jacob, he walked in with his arms crossed , seeming distressed. One thing about this man was every time he was near I always caught myself gazing into his eyes, whether or not he returned my stare. But now, his head was bowed down and I couldn't stare into his mesmerizing brown eyes.

Carlisle walked over looking into my eyes not as a sympathetic gesture but as a doctor would observe how eyes would react to light. But he didn't shine a light into my iris. "You're right, Jacob they are brown again," he notified Jacob as if I wasn't there. _Wait, my eyes?_ Jacob's head dashed up nodding then looking to me.

I nearly burst out in tears when I saw his heartbreaking facial expression. His eyes were red and puffy, as if he was crying. In my entire life, I've never seen Jacob so distraught. I couldn't stand to see him like this_. He knew something I didn't._Now I knew why he didn't wait up in the office with me, he need comfort from everyone, because Jake had this mr. masculine complex, he didn't want me to see he was crying.

I was officially scared out of my wits.

"Ness, has the burning in your throat returned?" Carlisle asked interrupting my assuming thoughts.

"Uhm," I thought about it. Yes, the burning was so mild though I didn't think twice about it, it was like heartburn. "Yeah, why?"

"Just a question Renesmee."

Carlisle had me lay down to do an ultrasound. I complied and glanced over to Jake who still hung in the corner, with his crossed arms and bowed head. I flinched when the chilled goo covered my very tiny bumped belly but I still stared at Jacob. With his arms still crossed, I saw one hand brush at his cheek. _Was he crying? He was_! Witnessing this made me believe the world was beginning to crash down and I was waiting for it to smash into a million tiny pieces.

I turned away, the sight of a man crying was a sight I couldn't bear. Seeing Jacob cry wasn't tolerable, I couldn't endure it, I needed him to leave before I had an anxiety attack. Who knew half-breeds like myself was prone to panic attacks but I had one when Jacob went missing a few months ago. Now, I sensed one coming. When I turned my head away from him, I inhaled. I had a drawback, and I was hyperventilating. I started shaking almost as if I was cold but it was out of nervousness. Taking noticed Jacob finally came to my side and grabbed my hand, while kissing my forehead. Right away the panic attack that was coming diminished when his warm skin came in contact with mine. My shaking stopped and I caught my breath. And when Carlisle placed the utensil to my glob covered stomach, I heard….

_Nothing._

"There's no heart beat," Carlisle said evenly wiping the gunk of the ultrasound utensil.

"It's vampire?" I questioned. Worried. Hopeful.

"No. I'm sorry to both of you, but you've had a miscarriage."

My world had officially crashed down. The pieces cracking and shattering all around me. I've only known about this pregnancy for almost three weeks and before I even got to experience it, it was gone?

"A miscarriage?" I asked in disbelief. Frantically I shook my head, " No! NO! Dad, where's my dad! Daddy!" I shouted involuntarily immobile. _Where was he? I needed him_.

"Edward!" Jacob shouted, releasing my hand and opening the pocket door to Carlisle's office ," Edward!" Jacob yelled louder. In the speed of light my father was at my side, "What is it?" he invited my worry.

"Can you hear the baby's thoughts?"

"No, I rarely hear it's thoughts," he said brows furrowed.

"Listen, please just listen!"

He slightly cocked his head so his ear was facing down at my tummy. He scooted closer when he realized he couldn't hear. As his head moved back and forth he blankly stated, "Nothing."

"What!" I uneasily screamed. I screamed so loud I could feel the damage I had just done to my vocal chords.

"What does the baby usually think?" Jacob added.

" Usually it just thinks of colors, warmth and comfortable things, like the sounds of your voices. Sometimes it isn't thinking at all, like now."

I sat up patting at my stomach , leaning down I cried, "Listen, please. Wake up baby, wake up!"

" It's not like you, you understood things before you were born, your baby doesn't."

"No, no. This, this can't be happening!" I exclaimed, but I couldn't release any tears for some reason. Lying on the medical table, my mouth hung open in shock.

"I'm so sorry," Daddy said, planting a kiss on my head.

Death it was all around me, everywhere I went. First Russia now home. _What if Alice and Jasper were dead? I mean it's just my luck, right? I want them safe and alive._

After all the absurity in Russia, I finally headed home. Jacob declared his love and was mine, for however long it would be, until Miss Imprint strolled into his life. But I put that in the backburners of my mind because We had a child on the way and I anticipated the happiness I could finally obtain. Presently, things weren't as perfect as I thought they would be. The child I wanted and didn't think I could conceive was deceased. Before it got a real chance to live life it had passed. I wonder if Lilith had placed her curse upon me?

For a brief moment, I sighed in relief. _Was I ready to become a mother_? However, what did Jacob think of this mess? He must have desperately wanted this child, he was crying over this. I can't once recall ever seeing a tear roll down his cheek. Maybe, I'd witness his eyes glaze over in tears or them hanging on the rim but that was only one time in Russia. The worst part was, I had already formed a strong bond with our baby. He had thoughts, not very discriptive thoughts but thoughts none-the-less. This had told me that this child was alive. _I wasn't sure if Jacob's bond was as strong?_

When daddy left the room, Jacob found his way back to my side. He examined my devastated expression with his warm bloodshot dismayed eyes. At the moment our eyes met, tears spilled down my face. I saw that we were feeling the same thing. The pain pierced my heart and wounded my soul.

Crying I scrapped the junk of off my belly and sat up. Jake started, to wrap his strapping biceps around me. Whispering with a cracked voice, "Ness, please…"

Although, I desperately needed him to relieve me from this devastation, I wanted to be alone, "Don't ask me not to cry!"

Attempting to wrap me in another comforting hug, I elbowed him off of me shouting, "Kay-h-kuh!" (Get away from me!)

Acting in accordance with my order, he stepped back from me. Leaning down he cleared the tears from my face, kissed my forehead speaking with an unfilled emotion, "I gotta go, anyways,"

He stormed out almost too quickly, not even shutting the door. The fell back down on my back and the backs of my hands flew to cover my eyes, this had to be a nightmare. Tomorrow, I would wake up to find out I never went to Russia, I never accepted Nahuel's proposal, I never told Jacob I loved him, and we never got pregnant. I would have to wake up at seven am and make it to homeroom by 7:55. This wasn't real.

"I'm very apologetic I-I think you should speak with Esme," Carlisle atoned asking pardon.

With the backs of my hands still covering my eyes I said,"Not now, can we just deal with this?"

I don't know why Jacob left the room, sure I yelled at him but I just didn't want him touching me. Trying to comfort me because this was something he couldn't assuage, I had to make this less painful on my own.

"Since it's a missed miscarriage we can have a D& C which means…" Carlisle started.

"I know what it means," I brutally stated sitting up. But it was truth, since becoming pregnant I researched every possible outcome for a human pregnancy that I could be a doctor. But I wasn't human, so I guess none of the information I obtained concerned me. I carried on, " are you sure he's dead?"

"Ness, I am so sorry but I don't see how it's possible for its heart to stop beating and the fetus still properly grow. Last week it had a heart beat and now it doesn't. I'm not sure if your health is at stake but I can remove the fetus surgically or you can wait for it to naturally pass."

"Just get rid of it as soon as possible." I couldn't sit and wait for the tissue to pass, it would be insufferable.

"We have to dilate the cervix, if it's not already dialated."

He checked and notified, "Alright, it hasn't dialated. So," he stopped at took notice to my mourning. "Renesmee, are you going to be okay?"

"This is for the best anyways. I'm glad this happened," I confirmed wiping tears out of my eyes. That was one major LIE!

"I-I? Why would you be glad?"

"It wasn't meant to be," my head wobbled back and forth, in agitation. A distince wolf's howl rang in the afternoon sky. And both mine and Carlisle's head whipped to the window. The howl was so haunting and depressing that all this became more than overwhelming.

"Renesmee-"

"Carlisle," I cut him off, " I honestly don't want to talk about it, what time and where should I be tomorrow?"

"I can do it here, at ten o'clock but remember it may be uncomfortable a few days after, and we'll have to see if the anethsia even puts you to sleep."

"It will, the Volturi pumped me with drugs and they only made me tired. Anesthetic should put me to sleep. Can you do it sooner? Maybe tonight."

"I have a late shift tonight at the hospital so, it will have to wait until tomorrow, maybe you should wait in case but I don't want infection so we have to expell it as soon as possible."

Now, whatever connection I had to my Jacob was going to vanish. This child was my connection to him forever and I hoped that, maybe the love of his child would outrank the love of his imprint. After I had the baby I longed for, I presumed he would stick by my side and love his imprint from afar.

Everything was going to be different after this. I'm not sure if I could stay with him, any longer. Knowing I was worthless, and incapable to amount to anything, I wasn't good enough for Jacob. He needed his imprint now to keep him high in spirits. I really did think I could be with him until he imprinted but I won't put myself through the suffering anymore, I couldn't. I don't want him if he can't be mine forever.

"Just take it easy for the night try and get some sleep," Carlisle patted my knee.

In shock and realization, my angled head straightened and my vision went to Carlisle. I asked, "It's because of who I am, isn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

"The amulet isn't over my head, I was never baptized and because of this Lilith got to my baby before it even had a chance. It's because I'm a bad person, because I've killed, because I killed so many. God's punishing me!"

Taking ahold of my shoulders my grandfather spoke so softly, so understandingly, "Ness, these things happen. It's circumstance. Sometimes it just happens."

"I wasn't meant to have children, I wasn't meant to have Jacob's children. The Voltrui gave me those fertility drugs and I got pregnant. Naturally it wasn't possible for me but with drugs, that's why I got pregnant."

" I know you and Jacob each have twenty-four chromosomes, so I don't think it's your DNA. I seriously believe it's circumstance, it's quite normal for humans Ness."

He waited for a response but I didn't speak a word. I couldn't. In my head I shouted, I'M NOT HUMAN!

" Tomorrow, after the surgery, if you allow me I can run a few tests in on the fetus..."

Offended by his suggestion I shouted, "No, no experimenting, no testing, no disecting. This kid isn't a science project it's still_ our_ baby!"

That instantly shut Carlisle up. He nodded and apologized, "I'm sorry I thought I could just figure out why this happened."

"I know Carlisle, I'm sorry for yelling. What do they do with a fetus at the hospital?"

"Well, it's really up to the parent. Some wish to keep it, and hold a funeral other's don't care and when the hospital keeps it, it's considered clinical waste."

"That's horrible. I want to bury _our_ baby. "

"Alright," he nodded.

"Could you find out the sex for me?"

"Yes you're almost twelve weeks, so if I get the fetus at in whole, I could tell and I am sorry."

"Sure, sure. Oh Carlisle?" I called out to him as he was leaving the office.

"Yes?" he turned answering.

"I can't do it tomorrow, can you give me until the 31st to have the..."

"Yes."

This was an emotionally trying time for me, and I needed to face it. Alone. I would face the reality of this and allow myself to grieve. However long it would take.

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**Chapter 12 preview**

**I_ wasn't going to cry in front of her, all that would show was my weakness. I only want her to see me as strong, like the rock she leaned against but if she saw me crying, who could she lean on? Could she fall into the arms of a blubbering idiot? Probably not._**

**_Reviews please..._**


	57. Chapter 12 A Loss

**Author's Note:****Sorry it took so long to repost. Hate this chapter and wish I would have gone a different way with the story but it is what it is. I can't turn back now. **

**Thanks to****:_patty(heart)cake, gjmb2000, AugustFirst, Randomeow, Black Phoenix-2009, luv2beloved, ernrs, katy marie, allalou _for reviewing I appreciate it!**

**And thanks to****:** **_mandiemoo, Missbeach, xXxsupermanxXx_for favorite-ing and allalou and _katy marie _for putting my story on story alert.**

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**(Jacob's POV)**

She was drenched in blood, there was something wrong! What do I do? Before anything I called Carlisle I wasn't sure what was happening. I drove as quickly as I could to Carlisle's. Every outcome played in my mind. No matter what I just wanted her safe and healthy. But I wouldn't ask or mention her health, she didn't need a to worry, I didn't want her to worry.

Over the past few weeks, I had gotten attached to the idea of becoming a father. We told our families and I even bought a few micsilanious things. Edward didn't kill me over this so, that was good and he would let me stay over more often. Like every night and those nights I would fall asleep with my hand over her stomach and Ness wrapped in my arm. When she was in deep sleep I suspected the baby's presence. I felt the weight of our child rest between us every night, literaly.

I would leave Ness's side for a midnight snack or go to the restroom and the first time I did this I heard the sound of screeching cats or the sound of a crying baby. I followed the sound that lead me to Ness, but there was no baby. For the first few nights, I swore I was going insane. I did a few patrols and Paul wanted to help since Rach was pregnant and he didn't want anything happening to Rachael and the baby. I involuntarily gave Paul the vision and thoughts of that screeching cat sound. He didn't know how to respond except he told me he thought his house was haunted since Rach has been pregnant but he suggested I go talk to my dad.

My dad said it was strange, but it sounded like the spirit warriors. I had to pay attention but then a few days ago, that spirit of our baby didn't come around.

As soon as we showed up to the Cullen's house I sent Nessie upstairs. I wasn't going to cry in front of her, all that would show was my weakness. I only want her to see me as strong, like the rock she leaned against but if she saw me crying, who could she lean on? Could she fall into the arms of a blubbering idiot? Probably not.

Yes, I cried okay, I cried. Not only for my child but for Renesmee. All this time she's been concerned with her infertility and now that she was pregnant, she could lose out on this one thing she wanted so badly. I cried for a majority of those two hours waiting for Carlisle. Like any other problem, the entire Cullen clan was involved, all of them observe my pain and weakness. Ness was my oneweakness, what hurt her hurt me. And right now, though she showed no concern I knew she was.

Rosalie stood on the opposite side of the room with Lily in her arms. Lily just said, " I told Nessie the baby was leaving, now he's gone."

Lily was right and Rosalie handed Lillian over to Emmett. Emmett walked by me patting my shoulder on his way out.

"Jake, it's okay," Bella hugged me while I sat on the couch. I couldn't recipricate the hug, I just sat there staring at the coffee table.

"Bella I appreciate your concern but please leave me alone."

She did, Edward went with her. Esme told me not to worry and left with them. Rosalie just hung back though with an anguished face.

Slowly she walked to my side sitting a little too close for my liking. "Jake," she whispered, " I'm sorry, I think the baby's, gone."

"Thanks for that insight Rosalie, now leave."

But she ignored me. "Lily kept telling me, 'the baby's leaving, I don't want Nessie to be sad,' but I wasn't sure what she meant, then Ness said her mother was like Alice," she paused shaking her head, " I miss my sister."

Was Rosalie trying to have a heart felt conversation with me? Since Lily had come into her life she was less rude and more enjoyable. So seeing her upset, kind of , made me more had a dull edge on her face, she was sad.

"Anyways," she continued, "I always hated my life for not being able to have kids, but now that I thought about it, I'd rather be barren than beinag able to have a kid and losing it. I know Esme didn't make it through. Maybe, Esme wasn't strong enough to make it through but Ness is. She's so much stronger than all of us and …so are you."

I knew that must have stung when she said that but I appreciated her, saying that. If she got the nerve to say how strong I was it must be true. She didn't hug me, but she left me in the living room to cry. I tried the rest of the time to pull myself together before I had to go upstairs to see Ness.

Carlisle showed up, and immediately started asking questions. I explained how Ness said she's had severe cramps and mild bleeding. Not like today but she said she felt it was normal since she was only half vampire and her symptoms would be magnified. Why she would think this was idiotic. But I finished explaining to him what we were doing and what had happened.

"When she got pregnant her eyes turned hazel and now they look so brown," I informed him with my head buried in my hands.

"She may have had a miscarriage," Carlisle said

"Was it something I did? Did I use too much force? Did I-" I questioned hysterically.

"Jacob, it happens. Some women become pregnant and miscarry without ever knowing about it. "

"But we knew, Carlisle. She wanted this baby more than anything,I mean Edward heard it's thoughts."

"I hate to say this but I don't think she wanted that baby just because she wanted a baby. She wanted that baby because it was yours."

"No, she's been talking about this for the past year and a half," I said disappointed.

"And before she was with you, before she was with Nahuel, she asked about her infertility but she was more interested in what would happen if she had a child with you."

"And now we know," I stated harshly frowning at him. My elbows rested on my knees and I sank my head back into my hands.

Was there something wrong with me? With my genes? Maybe we weren't meant to have kids. Perhaps, we were only meant to liveout our lives together. I knew he was given fertility drugs and maybe that had an effect on her. Carlisle and I spoke about these things breifly but he believed our genes were compatible, with our same chromosome count and as far as the fertility drugs maybe they did help her become pregnant.

"Is Ness upstairs?" he questioed.

"Yeah."

Following him up to his office, I finally collected myself and there were no tears. Before he opened the door I inhaled releasing a giant sigh Carlisle stepped in but I couldn't just yet. I exhaled a groan again and stepped in after Carlisle. I concentrated on my folded arms and I tighted my fists. I focused on them staying locked together so I wouldn't start to cry again. I knew I have been crying for a while and I didn't want to look Ness directly in the eyes. But when Carlisle notified, "You're right, Jacob they are brown again."

I looked up to nod at Carlisle but met her familiar chocolate brown eyes. I was surprised to find her not crying, but quickly I looked back to the hardwood floors, I still didn't want her to see my bloodshot eyes. Carlisle tried to find the baby's heart beat but during I could hear Ness hyperventilating. So I ran to her side, I didn't give a damn if she saw me being weak, I loved her and she needed me. I jogged over to her side taking ahold of her clammy hand and kissed her forehead. Instantly I could feel her calm , it was amazing that with a simple touch I was able to calm her down. And when Carlisle placed the utensil to my glob covered stomach, I heard….

_Nothing._

"There's no heart beat," Carlisle said.

"It's vampire?" she questioned so hopeful.

"No. I'm sorry to both of you, but you've had a miscarriage."

"A miscarriage?" she asked in disbelief," No! NO! Dad, where's my dad! Daddy!"

She needed him, for what I wasn't sure but I ran to the door and called for him, "Edward!"

All Ness wanted to know was if Edward could hear the baby's thoughts, and he couldn't. I hung back in the corner as Edward continued to try. My heart sank, when he couldn't. This was really happening, we just lost our child.

I walked over to her with stinging eyes. My heart fell apart in away I've never felt before. It wasn't like when I lost Bella or when I believed Renesmee was in love with another man, or when she left the country. This was a new kind of heart ache.

All I wanted to do was make her feel better, but how could I? This was major this was big. She sat up to quickly and I wrapped her in a hug begging her not to cry.

She shoved me off her yelling, "Don't ask me not to cry!"

I knew I had to be non-judgemental with her, she was going to be very angry for the next couple of months. Making another attempt to comfort her. "Kay-h-kuh!" (Get away from me!) she shouted elbowing me.

I knew she was hurt and I couldn't blame her for behaving this way. Leaning down I cleared the tears from my face, with my thumbs as I cupped her beautiful, distraught face. Then I kissed her telling her, "I gotta go, anyways."

I wasn't sure where I was going to go but it wasn't home so I phased. Running as far as I could, at least in this form I couldn't cry but I howled. I howled for my first child. This was an aweful lose.

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**Chapter 13 preview **

"_Did you imprint?" I questioned very seriously._

_His stare went to the floor, and he shook his head. "No Ness," he sighed, " that's something we'll talk about another time. Right now we're talking about the baby."_

Chapter 12 - A Loss-


	58. Chapter 13 I'm Sorry

**Author's Note: Basically in this chapter Ness isn't sure how to handle the entire situation and Jacob is trying to figure out how to handle Renesmee. Heart breaking I know…= (**

**Special Thanks to: Natalie, luv2beloved, Patty(heart)cake, Black Phoenix-2009, gjmb2000. I did this by memory so if I forgot any other reviewers I'm sorry...**

**And for all you Favorite-ing, Story Alert and Author Alert people, why don't you review? You must have something good or bad to say about this story and I know it! **

**Review, Just do it!**

**HAPPY READING!**

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Chapter 13 I'm Sorry

**(Jacob's POV)**

Dodging trees and leaping streams, I bolted to the North. The snow melted beneath my paws and the cold bitter air brushed through my fur. Where exactly I was charging to, I wasn't sure, I just needed time to think.

"_Hey Jac-ob,"_ Seth's enthusiastic tone faded when he heard what I was thinking, when he saw what I saw. He felt what I felt.

Then Embry's thoughts channeled in. "_Hey Jake."_

Of all people, I really did not want to hear his thoughts. Lately, our friendship has been tested since he has developed new found feelings for MY IMPRINT. I appreciated him throwing his attention to other girls to get his mind of her but it didn't change the fact that he pictured her naked.

"_Man…I'm sorry,"_ Seth said.

"_Yeah, sorry,"_ Embry added.

"_Damn it Embry, phase back! You too Seth!"_

Instantly, Embry was gone. Thank God.

"_Well do you wanna talk?"_ Seth asked concerned.

"_NO, tonight I want to be left alone with my own freakin thoughts for once!"_

"_Jake, you're my friend I don't like to see you like this-"_

"_Seth_," I cut him off, "_phase back. Tell everyone to not phase tonight, unless there's an emergency."_

"_But-"_

"_THAT'S AN ORDER!"_ I growled. I hardly used orders that way but at this point it was a necessity for my sanity.

"_Okay,"_ he stated and then he was gone.

Running around the entire night didn't cause the agony to disappear, it lingered in my soul and it would forever. Although, in truth, I felt shamefully relieved. Bella's pregnancy flashed into my vision constantly. It troubled me, I didn't want my Nessie to go through that. Along with a difficult labor, the Volturi finding out daunted me. Aro clearly warned me about 'reproducing' with Renesmee. Though, I wouldn't call creating a beautiful child with Renesmee, 'reproducing'.

What would they do if they found out?

It was a battle I was prepared to face, I was willing to with or without help. But now I didn't have to stress about the Voturi, but I had to worry about Ness. How could I tell her everything will be alright when clearly, things aren't okay. That was part of the reason I left Ness alone in that office. The only way I could think to comfort her was to hold her in my arms, but she didn't want that. It wasn't the contentment she wanted, this was all a psychological struggle both of us were going to have to learn to manage. Hopefully, a long run would help me collect my thoughts and figure out how to handle this.

Finally, when I reached the shores of Neah Bay I decided to turn around. I had work tomorrow, it was sure to be a slow day since New Year's was in a couple of days. Yesterday, I was planning on putting in an offer on a house and planning out a marriage proposal. On New Year's I had the scheme, all mapped out, I would wait until midnight, and kiss her then propose. If things went right I would tell her the entire story of imprinting and the fact that she was indeed, my imprint, my soul mate.

Making my way towards Forks and La Push, I decided to stop of at home and grab a change of clothes. Then I saw the giant box shoved in the corner of my room. I didn't tell her but I ordered a crib from online and had it rushed ordered._ Stupid move Jacob. _I wonder how Renesmee would feel if she knew I spent, over a five hundred dollars on an unneeded crib. She hated me spending my money when her family could cover it, but I guess it's a pride thing. I grabbed a change of clothes and took the box into the makeshift garage behind my red house.

I laid my folded clothes on the back porch and phased. Placing the clothes in my mouth I trotted to Forks, as the snow began to lightly fall. Snow was once a mystical thing and now it was just going to remind me of tonight.

After a long gait to the Cullen's residence, I used my nose to find where Renesmee was. Her scent lead me to Carlisle's office. I could tell she hadn't left that room since I left. I pushed the wood door into its pocket, and saw her lying across a modern oversized leather chaise. It was straight and squared and looked very uncomfortable. Slowly I took strides over to the chaise. My Renesmee, was on her side with her head buried in her crossed arms. Her hair was sprawled over her head so her face wasn't visible to me.

I wasn't sure if she was sleeping or not, but I called her name anyways.

"Renesmee?"

She stirred a slight bit, but she didn't respond. I wanted to see her face, just so I knew all would eventually be fine in our world. We needed to talk with no subject changes. And though she didn't want my comfort I would love for her to give me a hug. I could use a hug, despite my macho attitude, I needed her to alleviate me.

Sitting next to her, her back was to me but cautiously I removed the hair out of her face.

"Ness," I whispered but she didn't respond.

Her eyes were closed and her breathing steady, she was sound asleep. I decided to do something, I haven't done in a very long time and I pulled her palm to my cheek. But there was nothing, just black. I gently placed her hand back where it was.

Leaning down I kissed her on the cheek, and " I love you…I'm sorry."

Esme suggested, I stay over for the night since my car was already here and it was past midnight. So I used the living room couch as a makeshift bed, but I couldn't sleep. I waited to hear our baby crying or noises from upstairs like I would when she was fast asleep but there was no sounds.

_**Renesmee's POV**_

I felt his presence, he woke my restless sleep with his soothing voice. I couldn't open my eyes, I still could not face him. I didn't want him disappointed in me, or ashamed of me for what had happened. I acted as if I was fast asleep making my breath even and precise. He tried to listen in on my thoughts but I blocked them out.

All he said was _I love you and I'm sorry _then left the room_._ Yes, I loved him but with what had happened all he could say was _I'm Sorry! _It angered me_. _

Quickly, sleep found me again.

The next day I just slept in and stayed on this uncomfortable chaise in Carlisle's office. With what had happened I couldn't cry, I was shocked and in a state of disbelief. Because I felt this way, I asked daddy to stay with me and listen and try to hear my baby's thoughts, because perhaps it was still alive. He did and everyone siphoned in and out all day. For some reason I had a unreasonable anger towards each of them, but eventually instead of lashing out at them like I was, I began to ignore each person. Carlisle left for work, Esme begged me to eat, momma rubbed my back, daddy sat listening, Emmett and Rose stayed in the corner with Lily. Seeing them as a happy little unit hurt.

I felt isolated from each, except Esme, she knew what I was feeling. She committed suicide over her miscarriage but I wouldn't. It was my own fault for my pain. I allowed myself to become pregnant, I knew it wasn't natural for me but fertility drugs changed nature. I shouldn't have gave myself to Jacob, because he wasn't mine_._

_DAMN IT HE'LL NEVER BE MINE!_

Esme was the only other that didn't once leave the room, along with my father. At five o'clock I called it quits for him and sent everyone out of the office. Not once did he hear its' thoughts and Carlisle did another ultra sound when he had come home. Like I suspected, there was no heart beat. Carlisle was going to perform the operation either tonight or tomorrow morning, on New Year's Eve. I had promised to go to Emily and Rachel's party they had planned but I think I would skip it. Too much was on my mind like the Volturi, Alice and Jazz, the baby, the burial, Jacob and his imprint.

Never moving from the chaise I waited for my Jacob, I wanted him to know how much I loved him. Finally, he came home to me, saddened look on his face.

"Hey," he sent a fake smile. I turned not glancing into his eyes, they were quick sand. I would just burst into tears and I didn't feel like crying anymore, over anything.

As much as I wanted to run into his arms and cry for some reason my body and mind wouldn't allow it. He walked to me, and positioned himself beside me. His legs faced one way but the entire upper half of his body was in my direction. His hand lovingly pushed my hair out of my face. I was looking out the window, because I still could find the will to look into his disconsolate brown eyes. He grabbed my hand lightly and placed his other over mine.

With my right hand sandwiched between his rough hands he inhaled as if he was ready to speak. Nervously, I pulled the blanket up over my body and my knees came to my chest. With my free arm, I held it close to my body and rested my head against my knees.

"We need to move on. Don't dwell on it," he uttered almost emotionless.

Anger boiled inside me, my head flew up to met his confused expression. How could he just pretend nothing had happened this would live inside my soul forever. Did he even understand, could_ he? _That fact was how could he understand? I carried the extra weight, I held my head over the toilet vomiting my brains out, I felt my breast swell and I had the stomach cramps, they that was an indication of this child being destroyed inside me.

He could only imagine how I felt, physically he didn't feel the same. I could feel the horomones changing inside me and my body imploding. He had no clue. Instead of blowing up and shouting at him for being careless and heartless, I thought of something that I've wondered about for months.

"Did you imprint?" I questioned very seriously. I needed to know, now.

His stare went to the floor, and he shook his head_. "No Ness_," he sighed_, "that's something _we'll talk about another time. Right now we're talking about the baby."

I didn't even fight him, I didn't have the energy to do so. I let my hand slip from his grasp and I lied down, with my back facing him. "Jacob just kay-h-kuh (get away from me)." I could feel the chaise become lighter and his steps on the hardwood floors.

Still staring in the opposite direction of Jake, I spoke into the back of the chaise, "Oh and, Edward couldn't hear the baby's thoughts, so I'm having the surgery tomorrow morning. Happy early freakin New Year's."

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**I had a good review about Lily seeing two babies, yada, yada... I forgot what it said but r****emember, Lily told Ness about the baby she told Rosalie too. She can see the future so I guess all I can say is you better pay attention to what she has to say. **

**Next Chapter up As Soon As Possible. I have a heavy work load this week so it may take a few days or a week. If I get enough reviews I will update earlie because I know how consuming an interesting story could be, constantly in your thoughts disrupting your life. HA, HA! Seriously it happens to me...**


	59. Chapter 14 A New Year, A New Start

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry it's been so long for me to post been writing some other things. I believe there is one thing you guys now I'm clearly trying to get across, a good story isn't a fairy tale. But, One point I'm trying very hard to make, is that in the story YOU, the reader, are going through the highs and lows _with_ these Characters. So if you feel gloomy, happy, confused, nervousness, anxiousness and downright frustration, at times with the story I'm doing my job. = )Things are going to happen, and you're going to be like "What the Hell!" But just feel for the characters, love them hate them be annoyed with them… **

**This chapter is totally filler, not as well written as I would have liked but I thought a little Seth and Lilly interaction would be nice. Ness is hostile, Jake just becomes somewhat passive again, but he needs to be right now. **

**Oh and I noticed I've been spelling Lilly, Lily and I'm not sure why? Especially when her name is Lillian, I don't know…Go figure?**

**THANKS TO: Randomeow, patty(heart)cake, ernrs, gjmb2000, luv2beloved, and the annonymous reviewers and the favorite-ing people. Yet again I went by memory sorry I couldn't name all of you. = ( **

**Happy Reading.**

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Chapter 14 A New Year, A New Start...

This morning Carlisle did one last ultrasound, and I asked my father to sit with me during the night to make sure there were no thoughts and as I feared, nothing. Carlisle brought home a pint of blood for me to see if that was part of the problem but I drank and zilch. I felt no different, the ultra sound was still eerily silent and there was no difference in my baby's health. After the surgery I felt so lost, so empty inside and on top of that I was physically drained. I took my position upon the leather chaise in Carlisle's room sobbing letting tiny tears escape.

Jacob was at work when I had the surgery. He called and informed my mother about his decision to start working full time in the shop and maybe taking up some offers for over time. My eyes turned green when she informed me, I was envious that he calls my mother instead of me. Quite possibly he only called Bella because I've had my cell phone off since I found out about the miscarriage. Currently, I had no desire to speak to anyone, not even him.

Carlisle collected the fetus to find out the sex and examine my genetically mutated child. Before the surgery, I gave my permission, for him to study as long as it wasn't dissected. Grandpa has been in some other room observing the fetus, since I had seized his office from him. Why I didn't leave the room was beyond me, I just couldn't make myself move.

Soft taps on the office door, found its way to my ears_. Great who's here to bug me now!_ The wooden paneled pocket door rolled into the wall. A halfway open I looked but saw no one, then my vision lowered to Lilly. "Nessie?" she questioned with a pouty face.

Instantly sitting up, I was actually glad to see her. As hostile as I was towards everyone else I couldn't be so adverse with my baby cousin. "Hey Lils, what are you doing here?

She left the door still halfway open as she stepped through. Her minute strides pated against the floors. Standing next to the leather chaise, her vivid blue eyes pierced my soul. _Gosh, I wish I could have a daughter like her._ "This morning Uncle Jakey asked me to keep an eye on you."

I shuffled, sitting upright, my head throbbed. Feeling faint, I positioned myself straight and crossed on leg over my other letting my ankle rest on my knee.

"Oh he did?" I questioned in a teasing way.

"Yeah," she said squinting an eye thinking," and… He told me to tell you, 'he loves you and he'll see you tonight."

"Why didn't you tell me this morning?" I asked glaring at her. _He should have called me before the surgery instead of freaking calling my mother about him working over time, honestly why would she care?_

When her face hardened appearing to feel fault and her bottom lip quivered, I felt responsible for making her upset, I was the reason she was going to cry. _Did I really nearly bring this child to tears? What the hell was my problem!_

"Mommy wouldn't let me see you this morning…" her head lowered and she peeked up at me through her eyelashes. " Are you mad at me?"

"No, no I'm just," I rubbed my temple feeling like s***. _Why was I so harsh with her?_ "This is what happenswhen you don't have naps. You get kinda mean when you don't want to be and you hurt people's feelings, especially the people you love. This is why when your mommy wants you to take a nap you have to or you get mean. So, I'm sorry for being mean, I'm not mad at you, I'm just feeling a little tired."

After giving her an explanation on a child's mentality level, I gave her a hug pulling her up onto the chaise with me, showing her that I was truly sorry. Now she was on my lap playing with my necklace my locket my mother had given me on my first Christmas.

"Maybe you should take a nap?" she said in an entirely new tone, she was herself again.

"I'm not that tired but speaking of sleeping, are you excited for tonight?"

Cocking her head and pushing her brows together she questioned, "Excited for what Nessie?"

Soreness crept into my soul, Nessie was the name given to me by Jake. Why was I so obsessed with him?

"For the party tonight."

"Oh yeah, yeah," she clapped and giggled, "Mommy said I get to stay up until midnight!"

"Oh, that's late," I gave her fake enthusiasm, but any child would believe it in the tone I used.

Thinking about it staying up til midnight didn't seem like a feat, our family never slept and both I and Lilly could go days without sleeping although it probably wasn't healthy.

"Yeah," she smiled, then her smile faded as she wrapped me in a hug, " Don't leave me Ness."

"I won't leave you."

" OH! Did you know all the bad people are gone , now we can hunt again. You wanna go?"

"No, I don't feel like it. Sorry Lils."

"Okay," she answered resting her head on my chest, "Do you love me Ness?"

"Of course, I love you, you're my favorite cousin." I said wrapping her into another hug, kissing her head.

"Good, because I love you."

"Why do you love me?" I asked resting my head on the crown of her head and my arms still around her.

"Because you're funny, and nice, and you took me away from the bad people."

"Lils?" a voice came from another room.

"Seth! Seth!" she jumped up from me and ran to the door.

"Hey Lilly! Hey Ness," Seth gave a weary smile.

"Hi Seth…"

"How you doing?"

"I'll be fine, eventually."

"Uhm, we're going to go to Rach and Paul's in a few hours do you wanna come?"

" What time is it?"

"Almost seven."

"No." I shook my head.

"Lils lets leave Ness alone…" he said putting his hand out, she grabbed it.

I really wanted Lilly to stay, I almost forgot the reality that was around me.

"No,no you can stay."

"Lilly you wanna stay with Ness for a little while? " he asked with her hand tightly grasped around his hand. With that question her head flipped back and forth between me and Seth at least a dozen times, trying to decide.

It dawned on me that I still knew next to nothing about imprinting. Yes, the whole center of the universe, gravity thing clicked I understood that part but was it that way with the imprintee too? Did they feel the need to be with their imprintee? Did they always love him, or her?

"I wanna go with you," she finally decided, still holding Seth's hand and tugging at his shirt with the other.

"Alright, say bye to Ness," he said walking her to my side.

She gave me a hug as did Seth and we said our good bye's and happy New Year to one another. Seth picked Lilly up placing her on his hip and they walked out.

I saw the care that Seth had towards Lilly and sometimes I tell myself Jacob was like that with me. Seth and Lilly's mannerism's reminded me of mine and Jake's when I was little. The way her little face lit up when he was near , the way she was so proud and admired him and he did the same with her. Everytime I saw these two together, I tell myself like me and Jake. I always fell for that lie, always making myself believe Jake imprinted on me, he had to of. But I knew Jacob well, he was always so honest with me, he would have given me that information long ago.

Angry footsteps made their way, I knew someone was coming to bug me. Quickly, I flopped back onto the hard leather chaise covering myself in a blanket pretending to be asleep. I really didn't feel like being bothered. The voices became distinct and clear, Momma and Jake were in a heated argument, I could tell. Their peeved voices became louder as they neared the office.

"I'll tell her then." Her voice raspy and angry all while trying to keep quiet.

"No, I should be the one to tell her."

"Jacob, just tell her the truth."

"Bella, right now isn't the best time. I really want to but she needs…"

Right away, I plugged my ears like a five year old child would, if there was a loud siren going off.I wasn't really didn't want to hear, whether it be good news or bad news. Good news would just seem undeserved after my body had rejected Jacob's child and bad news would just put me into a depression, if I wasn't already in one?

I lay there for however long, until a familiar warm hand was placed on my shoulder, shaking me. Looking up, I unplugged me ears and rolled over to him.

"Ness?"

"Hi Jake."

"What are you doing?"

"Oh, I had a ringing in my ear, it was driving me crazy," I spoke then tried to get an answer from him, "Maybe someone was talking about me."

He completely ignored, my failed attempt to find out what mother and he were speaking of.

"Did you want to go to Rach's I know she wants to see you."

"Do you really think I feel like going anywhere?" I asked spiting venom.

"Maybe to get your mind off things-"

"You're stupid." I spoke to him with such acidity and it hurt. Hurt couldn't even describe it. Here this man is attempting to comfort me but I push him away, why? This man I love was all I think I could ever want and I push him away? I sighed not understanding why I was behaving antagonistically with him.

After a long pause he sat up from the chaise and paced, then said, "I was thinking you should start school or get a job or something,"

"To keep my mind of things?" I mocked him.

See another thing that made me see I wasn't his imprint, I was so mean to him and it was uncalled for. He's done nothing to me, but try and be nice but he acted like, like this never happened. My heart flooded with ire, why washe acting as if I never failed him, as if I never had a miscarriage. He treated me like he would any other day. I stared at him. His jet black hair was getting long, covering his eyebrows. His lips were in a hard line, and dry with stubble above his lip. His eyes dark yet light brown, in the dim light. His face emotionless.

It's been so long since we just gazed at one another this way, not romantically but trying to read each other's minds. And for once, I couldn't even tell what he may be wondering about. When he charged forward towards me sayin, "Renesmee come on get off this chair, you've been here for three days."

Now, I knew what was in his mind."Get up," he pushed forcing me to stand.

"No!" We struggled, I hit him and he let me. "Get your damn hands of me!" He picked me up, carring me out the office door.

"Give Carlisle back his office."

"STOP! You jerk! Knock it off!" He held me closely to him as I flayed around attmepting to fall from his clasp.

By now my entire family was standing in the hallway. Why must they all be so nosey? I've never behaved like such a toddler before in my life, not even when I was a toddler. Embaressment found me, and fatigue. I gave up and made my body limb, hoping that would be more of a struggle for him than if I was squirming but no Jake was a strong and could easily carry my one hundred and ten, scratch since becoming pregnant I gained five pounds, now I one hundred and fifteen pounds.

He carried me outside all the way to the cottage, where there would be privacy, I guess. Placing me in my own bed, lovingly tucking me in and kissing my forehead but his face was still stiff and angry with me. He stood at the end of my bed never removing his eyes from me, it was an uncomfortable I've never felt eith him before. His eyes were caustic and burning with...pain? anger? sadness? I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but whatever it was it made me want to cry, it made me want to crawl into a hole and die.

I lay on my bed with a pillow suffocating in my clutch. I couldn't stand him just standing there, judging me with those eyes. "What the hell are you still doing here!" I yelled

After holding it in for so long, he finally shouted at me with a large boom, "You need to get back to a life! Go back to school, take up quilting, go on the internet, commit a crime! I don't care just do something!"

"Oh go talk to my mother about it," where that came from I don't know, I guess my jealousy with their relationship was getting to me. In the last three days I've finally got courage to say or ask a few things that were on my mind. But I only mentioned them when I wanted to stray from another problem or conversation. "Why don't you just leave me alone for a f***ing day! Stop being so cold towards me, " why I said that I don't know either, he's never really been cruel, "Hell don't talk to me for at least a week or two! Is that possible?"

"Yeah it is…" he said walking out and mocked me saying what I had told him yesterday, "Oh, Happy New Year."

Then he slammed my door shut. The rest of that night, one thing stuck in my mind that he said _YOU NEED TO GET BACK TO LIFE, GO BACK TO SCHOOL, TAKE UP QUILTING, GO ON THE INTERENT, COMMIT A CRIME! JUST DO SOMETHING._

_He was right right, it was a new year and I needed a new start. _

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Chapter 15 Preview

"_**At least, I have some sort of feeling about this," I ridiculed his behavior and made an assumption but actions speak louder than words. **_

"_**And you don't think I have feelings." I could tell he wanted to shout and he wanted to be angry but he could only brink his resonance to a dull roar. **_

"_**I don't know," I shrugged my shoulders. Now I was going to be honest, " I saw your blood shot eyes and once glistening tear once..."**_

_**I placed my index finger in his face exaggerating, his one time emotion I witnessed.**_

_**Then I continued "…but after that, all you told me was I'm sorry don't dwell on it. This isn't, this isn't like a friend talking bad about you and you brush it off, this is the death of our child, and this may be the only child I was able to have! Only someone with no heart would not dwell on something like this!"**_

"_**I'm not heartless and you know it," he barked not loud but menacingly, " Ness I'm just as disappointed as you…."**_

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I still wonder what happened to Alice, don't you? Hee Hee, what do you think happened to her?


	60. Chapter 15 This is No State of Normalcy

**Authors Note****: In the last Chapter, I left a preview Well, I wrote this conversation between Bella and Renesmee long ago and I decided it would fit perfectly here. So, the next chapter will be Jake and Ness's convo on the miscarriage. It will be a bit 'depressing' for a bit longer but I know exactly how I want GRAVITY to end. =) **

**Thanks to:****luv2beloved, gjmb2000, patty(heart)cake, Black Phoneix-2009, and Randomeow for reviewing. ****Also to, Edward-jacob-taulor-lover and JacobAPotter for putting this on story alert**

**Special thanks to****: NateNotorius for their LONG review, loved it! Especially this tid-bit:**

"_**so far this is the best fanfic version of twilight continutation so pretty please keep writing"**_

**-Thanks so much and you better keep your promise and keep reviewing!**

**Oh and say a prayer for a the flash flooding around the US and a prayer for the world in general. **

**PLEASE ENJOY… I own nothing except the plot and Lilly hee hee!**

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**Chapter 15 - This is No State of Normalcy- **

Over the next few days, I didn't move from my room in the cottage. I slept a majority of the time, but when I wasn't in my mini-coma or with Lilly, I was doing research on schooling. I needed a new start, I had to find that sense of commonality I had been craving for years. Yes, I thought Jacob cured that thirst, but now I knew he was a mere distraction that kept me satisfied for a short while but now, I was back in that state of agony. I know it was mainly, the miscarriage driving me back into this depression. This was the same feeling I had in Alaska, the same acceptance of a dishearten existence. I wanted to leave though, I didn't necessarily want to run away but run to my normalcy.

Turning down my acceptance into many universities wasn't necessarily bright on my end but Jacob's life was in peril and I was the only one who could handle. I Looked back into my accepted letters from Washington State, University of California San Diego and Los Angeles, Stanford, Dartmouth and Vanderbilt. I almost settled for Vanderbilt who had a school of medicine and a major music program but that was clear across the country in Nashville, Tennessee. Even though, I currently didn't want to see them, I'm not sure if I could be that far away from my family, or Jacob.

With that awareness, I did my R and D on Washington state colleges, but all were over four hours away from Forks. Western Washington looked alright but it was still four hours away in Bellingham. Finally I settled for Saint Martin's University in Lacy, Washington. It was only three hours away and only a short drive to Olympia. I sent an e-mail to admissions hoping I could go to school there. Also another major factor was it was a Catholic College and I hoped to be able to learn and do research on religion and maybe find out more information on Lilith. Maybe get baptized so, if I could have a child they wouldn't be cursed.

It was the beginning of January and the snow still feel consistently. I positioned my desk underneath my window, so I could gaze out into the wintery wonderland. Sometimes staring out there made my mind go blank, forgetting everything and admiring the nature. My head was in many books I had my father bring me from Carlisle's office. I had to start my research on Lilith and maybe something to do with Lycanthropy and imprinting. No luck, but my head was still in the books and the bible. Every time, I saw slight movement my vision snapped up thinking maybe it was Jacob but it never was.

For four days he's been gone, but he's been calling my mother two to three times a day. Mom relays his status updates and informs her about his overtime and plans to invest in real estate. Not a house like he wanted but the mechanics shop, in Forks, he worked at. The owner was planning on retiring and selling. How many sighs do I need that he wasn't meant to be with me? That maybe he didn't want to be with me? He didn't even want to buy a house anymore? To have me live with him? _UGH! To many questions. Though, apparently he was doing well and I was glad for him._

I put my head back in the book and checked my e-mail. I received an e-mail from .. When I opened it was an acceptance letter and in a nut shell it said they were willing to have me. A flash over brown in my window caught my vision but I saw Elk galloping in the thick forest behind my cottage home. There were about twenty or so Roosevelt Elk. How they made it here was odd, usually they were only in the Olympic National Park. Watching them bolt North, my throat burnt. I wondered if I should go hunting, I hadn't had blood since my surgery but it was human blood, which kept me content until now. To think of it I haven't had food in over twenty four hours. There was only one type of blood I craved most, and my mouth started watering thinking of the smooth, bitter yet sweet blood of Jake's.

The beating on my door, made me shake in my wooden antique chair. Rolling my eyes, I shouted, "Go AWAY!" Then I turned back to reading a century old world's religion book.

"Please," a familiar nurturing voice pleaded, " Please, let me come in Renesmee?"

It was my mother... again. Recently in the last few days I have been giving her a miserly attitude, and the rest of my family for that matter. Feeling guilty I walked over to my newly replaced door. Jacob slammed it to hard when he left.

As I opened it, I questioned short, "What do you want?" When the door was fully open, my mother's imploring topaz eyes met mine and she stated, " I need to speak with you."

"What about?"

"Stuff."

Walking away leaving the door open, I hoped she took the gesture as an invitation inside my cave. Turning back to my window I sat at my desk facing my mother. Her beautiful face was clearly distressed. She shut the door behind her and sat on my bed facing me. Our knees were touching as she wrapped me in a shivery hug.

After that, we sat in silence for a short while until she broke the absence of sound with this question, "How have you been keeping your mind so closed off you've been so…"

"Vulnerable," I finished. She dipped her head up and down in acknowledgment. "Why, is it bothering daddy?"

"Yeah," she nodded again, "he hears you slip once in awhile but he's amazed at how well you've hidden your thoughts."

Honestly, I couldn't even answer that, I didn't realize I was becoming more like my mother. I may never be as gorgeous as momma but I had her eyes and that was enough but now I had her closed off mind, which was okay I guess. I gave her the only answer that seemed right, "I guess it's just second nature now. Uhm…" I paused picking at my nails. I was fearful she was going to bring up the miscarriage. I'm not sure if I'm prepared to speak about it, yet, especially when Jacob and I haven't even spoken about the topic.

"…What did you want to talk about?"

Her shoulders lowered as she began to talk. "Well, it's about Jacob."

My heart stopped and sank, what if he was hurt or even worst, what if he imprinted?

"Is he alright?" I asked desperately.

Lifting her hands, in a reassuring way saying, "Yes, he's safe."

"Then what is it? Did he..?" I swallowed the lump in my chest because I wouldn't even say the word, " Oh No, no, no, no he didn't!"

Tears sat at the rim of my eyes, and both my hands rested on the side of my head as I shook abashed. Momma's eyebrow's touched together when she asked, "Didn't what?"

Clearly, she didn't understand and how could she, she didn't have to worry about losing her one true love. The one and only man that could ever make her happy.

"Does this have to do with me and Jake?"

"Sort of."

"Is it, gonna affect my relationship with him?"

My mother shifted nervously, scooting closer to me. "That depends on you, and how you feel about the situation."

Again she shifted, which was unusual because she's a vampire they hardly make those types of movements. My heart began racing because whatever she was about to say was major. Truly anyone should be worried when you could sense a vampire's apprehension.

Taking my hand she rubbed it in the most nurturing way, but I wasn't sure if her cold hands could comfort me. She licked her lips and made another dramatic sigh, "You see me and Jacob we're okay with this, we're past it."

"What are you talking about?"

"What I mean is…"She inhaled deeply and didn't exhale. Somehow she managed to still speak, "Jacob and I were," she paused, causing me to salivate in curiosity. " involved? We…"

"Excuse me?" I shreicked pulling my hand from hers standing up, knocking the chair behind me onto the floor. " Did you just say Jacob and you were involved?"

Never had so much anger circulated in my veins, my mother and my Jacob? What the hell was this world coming to!

"Yes," my mother answered short and ashamed. As her head bowed to the floor, a quick thought of punching her came to mind, but she was my mother.

Towering over her I looked down at her, breathing deeply, "My Jacob?" I asked her pressing my hands to my chest.

She simply nodded, her face was hard but her eyes were sympathetic? But who was she sympathetic towards? Me? Apparently, at some point she loved my Jacob and_, he loved her back?_

That was a tough pill to swallow. The thought of them two together made my inside crawl.

"You two were in a relationship? Like boyfriend, girlfriend?"

"Oh, no, no , no. He was in love with me…"

"Oh thanks," I replied agitated, "that makes me feel a hundred times better."

She grabbed my and sat me next to her on the bed, "At some point I realized I loved him also. I love your father so much more though, but I want you to understand we are just friends, now."

None of what she said made sense. If Jacob loved my mother, how could she turn him down? Sure my daddy, Edward, was a catch but Jake was above a catch, he was heaven sent. He was everything a mother would want for her daughter, everything a girl wanted in a man. How could she just want to be friends with him?

"Friends," I muttered to myself. Then a pang of realization hit. "Friends?" I repeated looking at Bella.

"Yes Nudge friends, " momma answered messing with my hair.

After swatting her hand away from my head an awful thought popped into my brain. It was worst than when I originally thought that Jacob had just once loved my mother.

"Oh my Gosh!" I shouted immediately sucking in a gasp, "Now you're friends?"

"Yes," she spoke cautious when she noticed my grimace, " Do you not want us to be friends?"

" Is that what you want momma, or wanted? To be just friends with Jacob."

"Yes, of course."

I ran out of the room, I was going to break down. I held my breath hoping it would control my crying. Even as I held my breath tears still streamed down my face. I had to remember to breathe

After making my way through the snow and into my grandparent's home, I ran up the wooden stair case and down the hall the long hallway of the main house. I made it to my father's old bedroom. I slammed the door shut and locked the dead bolt. Better yet I'll break the dead bolt.

Rarely did I ever use my strength but lately I couldn't help put break things, especially doors. The door knob, practically melted under my touch as bent it off. I was coming around, thinking I could face my family but once again, I didn't want to see a single soul not even my Jacob. Because he wasn't my Jacob.

The mere mention of him in my thoughts, caused me to cry even more hysterically. The whole conversation replayed in my mind momma wanted to be friends and Jacob excepted that, only because momma was his imprint.

Hours passed by slowly as I cried none stop in that room. Every now and then, I would here a knock at the door but I never answered it or spoke. In fact, I never moved from the bed. I somehow had to wrap my head around what I had just found out. Jacob imprinting made me nauseated, it gave me a severe migrane and crying for five hours straight didn't help. And my mother being his imprint wad just the freaking cherry on top.

For being a mythical creature I wasn't living in a fantasy life, I was in hell. A literal hell. There was too much reality. With these thoughts my stomach turned again. I felt as if my heart was sinking into the pit of my stomach. The aching journeyed up my stomach and lingered around my collar bone. Before I knew it I kicked the door down and charged for the nearest bathroom.

As I hung over the toilet I let the whatever contents that were in my stomach drain, soon I was just vomiting water, then dry heaving. Sitting on the cold tile floor I was able to put two and two together. It was all making sense now. Jacob imprinted on my mother. It explained why Jacob hung around vampires when we were sworn enemies. He was able to see past it because Bella needed him to be his friend. It's why he constantly calls her, instead of me.

When momma moved us to Alaska it was because she was so mad at Jacob and didn't want to see him. And he did as he was told by his imprint. It had been why daddy was so irritated with Jacob when he came to move us from Alaska to Washington. When he was around, it's also why daddy tolerated him because momma wanted him to be his friend. He was reading Jakes mind and his mind was on my father's wife, my mother.

It's been the only reason he loves me so much because I'm similar to my mother, because I was a part of Bella. He was only with me because I reminded him of her. When he holds me he holds me tightly and imagines my mother, when he kisses me he wishes it was my mother, when we made love he dreamed it was her.

More tears escaped my eyes when I imagined our baby that I miscarried. It's entire life would have been based on a lie, been made out of false love. I had to leave, I had to be a normal human being, because this was not a state of normalcy. I needed no vampires, werewolves and Volturi. Especially no IMPRINTING, I never wanted to hear the damn word again.

I was finished with this drama. I most defiantly was going to attend and start school in eight days.

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**Chapter 16 preview**

_"How dare you ask me not to dwell on the death of our son!"_

_"Renesmee, I love you I can't stand to see you this way," he took a hold of my shoulders lightly shaking me._

_I snapped, removing his clasp from my shoulders. I saw the nurse down the hallway through the door windows, eavesdropping._

_Stepping away from Jacob, I charged out the doors and past her saying, "Should you be working?"_

_Frantically she scattered back to her work. Jake grabbed my wrist causing my body to jerk back . He rotated me so that our faces were inches apart._

_" I don't like seeing you this way," he muttered upset._

_"How the hell would you even know how I've been, you've been gone for a week," taking control of my wrist I pulled away from him, and continued, " where the hell were you?"_

_"You asked me to leave you alone. You we're so, depressed and I can't see you that way."_

_"UGH! At least, I have some sort of feeling about this," I ridiculed his behavior and made an assumption but actions speak louder than words._

_"And you don't think I have feelings?" I could tell he wanted to shout and he wanted to be angry but he could only brink his resonance to a dull roar._


	61. Chapter 16 Talk

**_Author's note: This is a long one, but bear with me, you're in for a rude awakening. Everything is being twisted and Nessie is making to many assumptions. _**

**_I've had more hits and visitors (YAY!) and less reviews (BOO!) What's up with that? I know it's been awhile since I updated and I apologize . I better receive more reviews if you want the chapters up sooner, I could stop writing? Perhaps I should, =)_**

**_Thanks to: Jacoblover, JakeForever3, JacobAPotter, Patty(heart)cake, luv2beloved, gkmb2000 for reviewing, _****_Veraleeon, tamira44 for putting the story alert and favorite-ing and _****_simonbruneau for favorite-ing._**

**_SPECIAL THANKS TO VERALEEON FOR CALLING MY STORY THE BEST EVER! THANKS!_**

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**Chapter 16 Talk**

It was midday, possibly around two in the afternoon, and I was sensing drowsiness but that was common. I figured I mind as well take a nap and try to sleep since my slumber was never restful now-a-days. I laid down thinking about the day's events and how unproductive I was. It was strange how my body knew to wake itself up around the time Jacob got off of work, if he wasn't working overtime. It was a habitual routine at this point. Sitting at my desk staring out my bedroom window, I anticipated Jacob's arrival or at least hoping I would at least see him trot by, human or wolf form. For some reason I had more pride than ever, I kept my phone off since the miscarriage and didn't try to make contact with him just to smite him. If he wanted to talk to me, he would come visit, even if I wasn't his imprint.

Though, I was petrified, how my reaction might be with him, I still wanted him around. I was terrified I would attack my mother or him when they entered my room. Could I handle my mother being his imprint? I'm not sure because my head and heart are in a battle, again. My heart tells me he's mine and my head says he only sees you as the next best thing to Bella. Both hurt, emotionally and physically. Was he so heartless that he would leave me here grieving alone? Even thought I wasn't his imprint I never knew Jacob to be a jerk, but he proved me wrong.

My body had been physically fatigued since pregnancy and ten times worse since the miscarriage. I'd wake usually when my mind felt mildly rested and if I wasn't hungry, I'd be setting things up for school. Auntie Alice would have been the one scouting for my future apartment but since she had disappeared I found a dignified studio apartment online, in Olympia. I purchased furniture for the apartment and went with Rosalie to put a deposit down. I went down to the school got my schedule and ordered all my textbooks as well as bought the allotted school supplies. It was like I filled the void, where my Jake used to be. It was as if I could actually survive without him. Except, because everything that has happen and that's been exposed I wanted to learn to be without him, I had to become stronger and less dependent.

But I was wrong, four days turned to eight and I hadn't seen my former bestfriend, in over a week. Oh who am I kidding he'll always be my number one . My heart was paper being torn and damaged with every tragedy that crossed my path. Jake was now drenching my paper heart in lighter fluid and lighting a match. All that was crammed in the hole in my chest was ash. A chest full of Ash didn't make it easy to breathe.

On the contrary, the time I spent alone was spent thinking. Things were clearer now, that I fully understood why Jacob hung around. He imprinted on momma years ago, before she was ever turned. _DAMN LEECHES!_ If my father never turned, he'd be long gone and would have never met my mother. Then I wouldn't exist, I wish that was the case. If I never existed Jacob would be happy with my mother and I wouldn't be going through all this s***. I never doubted Jacob's love for me but I just replaced an emptiness that he felt. He was sick for going after his imprint's daughter!

Daddy came in and out often trying to speak to me and keep my spirits up until he turned blue in the face. I forcibly closed my mind to him, I didn't want him to understand how much I hated him at the moment. His kind was the reason all of my pain has erupted. He said I was so closed minded that it frightened him and in the middle of the night my heart rate slowed so slow, that he presumed I had attempted suicide. Since then, all of my family members checked up on me constantly ever hour, especially Esme, for obvious reasons. Even though I had no gratification with my father right now, I still gave him a hug each time he left my room, to let him know I do in fact love him.

My door cracked open as I made the effort to sleep. _Can you guys get out and let me sleep on peace for once!_ I shouted in my mind. I knew it was my father.

"Renesmee you have to go to the hospital," momma's voice cracked.

"What!" I sat up," Why?"

"Rachel's in the hospital, she wants you and Jacob there."

Instantly, I stood throwing a hoodie on and slipped some shoes on. Rachel was only four months along with her first child and I really prayed she was okay. She'd already been through a miscarriage and I don't want her to go through what I was for a second time. Even though I was in a depression, I had to go see her, she was my sister. Or that's how I always saw her. Before I could even blink I was in my daddy's Volvo driving to the hospital.

I ran into the infirmary questioning where Rachel Black-Young's room was. Running up to the second floor, I came to room 232. I knocked and walked in. Rach was lying on the bed, IV's and heart monitors were on her and around her belly. I sighed relief, glad she hadn't given birth yet. Paul was standing by her bed side holding her hand caressing it. Billy sat at the end of her bed in his wheel chair.

"Hey Dad," I staggered over giving Billy a hug, suddenly I became very self conscious about calling him dad. Was that normal? I always called him dad but now that his son and I were disconnected, could things change?

"Hey Ness," he replied normally adjusting himself in his wheelchair.

"Paul." I bobbed my head smiling a weak smile to him and he to me. "Renesmee." We were always short and good humor with one another.

Paul moved out of the way so I could give Rachel a hug. "How are you?" I asked Rachel as I hugged her.

"I'm alright, it was a false alarm."

Walking over to the bedside chair, running my fingers through my greesy hair, I sat questioning, " How's the, baby?"

"Fine, as far as we know. She shouldn't be here for a few months, they just want me on bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy."

"Where's Jake? I was sure he would have came with you," Billy added.

"Honestly, I don't know where he is?"

I played it cool playing make-believe, acting as if I had not a care in the world but they all saw through my phony behavior. " What's wrong?" Billy wondered and Rachel followed suit, "Renesmee, what is it sweetie?"

"Uhm, I don't mean to bring you guys down more and be a killjoy but, I miscarried."

"Oh Sis, I'm so sorry!" she gesturing me to walk over to her bedside so I she could give me another hug, " I wouldn't have invited you here if I knew."

I complied allowing me to give her a hug, "No, it's fine," I stated gravely sitting back down in the chair.

"No, it's not, we know what it feels like. Paul, Dad do you two mind?"

Billy rolled himself out and Paul turned to me, nudging his index finger under my chin. "Chin up," he stated but I gave him a week smile.

The door clicked shut and right away Rachel spoke, "I'm sorry Renesmee. Does Jacob know?"

"Yeah, " I dipped my head. She noticed, I was trying to hid my feelings, everything.

" What'd he do to you?" she asked angry.

"Nothing. That's the point. I haven't seen him in a week, it's like he doesn't even care. Why would he care?"

"Ness he loves you."

"Sure, doesn't feel like it."

"Renesmee, guys grieve differently than women. Men are told to hide their emotions their whole life so when something major happens, they act like asses. They seem, like they don't care and start doing strange things, like putting time into stupid things, or shopping, over eating. Paul patrolled like crazy after I miscarried," she informed while playing with her admittance wrist band, this must be hard for her to talk about. The she disclosed that Paul had almost lost his job because he patrolled so much.

What was I to say? My mind was only on Jacob at the moment, his absence killed me. I missed his woodsy smell, his excellent sense of humor, his thoughtfulness, his love, the taste of his bllod and the warmth of his touch,everything.

"It sucks huh?" she said.

"I haven't felt this way since I lived in Alaska," I recalled my depression, it was so similar to how I currently felt. I needed Jasper to cure my dark mood, " I've never felt so, hollow inside."

"Have you talked to Jake?"

"I don't know where he is, I haven't even tried to look for him. Rach?"

"Yeah?"

"Who did Jake imprint on?"

Her eyes scanned to the door. She was looking at it as if the door would talk , answering my question for her. " Paul said they're bound never to speak about Jake's imprint. He won't allow it."

"But he did imprint?"

She simply nodded, giving me a tired smirk.

"I'm guess I'm going to go, let you get some rest."

"Alright, Sis. I am sorry."

"Feel better okay?" I replied hugging her.

As quickly as I could, I rapidly walked past Billy and Paul saying goodbye. As I stomped down the hallway, I heard many screeching noises. As I followed the sound it became clearer and I knew what the noises were. The hole in my heart throbbed at the sound. Then I stopped at the window, that held dozens of newborn babies. I stood there for a while, watching couples and family members stand nearby peering at their newborns.

If I was human, and Jake was human we'd be standing here together. If I was Jacob's imprint I wouldn't have failed at the one duty I had to offer him , to give him a child. If I had some sort of self control over my raging horomones around that man, none of this would have happened but something somewhere carries a cruel fate for people like me, like that lingering demon spirit of Lilith. The worst part was, although I wanted Jacob's baby, I was deeply ashamed of my sense of relief. I hated myself for it. But if the Volturi discovered we had a child, we would have opened a giant can of worms. I'm not sure I was willing to put Jacob's life at stake, or our child's life for that matter. It would be best if I never had children, the way nature intended.

Soon, I was standing alone, watching these tiny humans cry and sleep. I knew I couldn't take standing here but my feet wouldn't take me away from window. I was staring at what I hoped my future would hold but, I would keep dreaming. Then a sound of heels invaded the silent hallway. _Click, clack, click, clack…_ Whoever the woman was she sounded heavy built and tall. The long strides echoed in the hallway, she had to have been bigger than your average woman but I shouldn't judge. So I wouldn't stare either, it wasn't polite.

I waited for the noise to walk past me, but they abruptly stopped then that familiar husky voice said, "Hey, Paul called."

Not wanting to look at his face, I glared at the window full of newborns. Glad he decided to show up after eight days, to see his sister and not me. I said ,"Carlisle, said it was a boy. I named him Joseph."

"Why Joseph?" he asked. Closing my eyes, I inhaled and turned my head in the opposite direction of Jacob. I let all my weight rest to my left food, moving my upper body away from him. He was standing so close to me, I could feel the heat radiating of him.

"I guess in memory of the little boy from Russia. After all, they had a lot in common, the Volturi had no good reason to kill Joseph, the same way nature had no good reason to take our baby's life."

"Renesmee-"

The way he said my name made my heart melt. I looked down at the cream linoleum seeing a pair of men's dress shoes that looked rather pricey. The clicking of heels on the linoleum wasn't heels it was his dress shoes. My gaze followed him up to his perfectly fitting jacket and cute skinny tie. Though, he looked incredible in a suit, the man that stood before me was not my Jacob. Where was his boots and jeans, his shaggy disheveled hair and the stubble above his lip? Now, his hair was perfectly gelled and his face has never been so smooth before. Gosh, he looked so incredible, but where did he go? In the last few days he had completely altered. There he was cleaned up nicely and I stood infront of him with my greesy hair wearing a pair of form fitting sweats, a hoodie and my old chucks.

Jacob took notice to my stare, "I know, what's with the suit right? Alice bought it for me a while ago. She said always wear a suit when you make business transactions."

"Business transaction?" I frowned. What the hell was he doing that he couldn't tell me?

"I was about to head up to Seattle to close on a motorcycle business today, until Paul called," he pause waiting for my reply. Then continued, "I decided maybe, maybe I should hold off on a house and buy a business. Get some stability, and a better income than just a mechanic?"

"I'm sorry about not seeing you but you…"

"Joseph Ephriam Black," I interupted him turning back to the babies resting infront of both our eyes.

"What?"

"That's what I named our son, he would have been a beautiful baby."

"Like his mother."

Internally, I smiled at his compliment but it was far from the truth, especially since I hadn't showered in five days. I bit my lip and kept talking, "Ironically, Joseph means God with add, or he will add and Ephriam means fruitful. Which I am not."

"Ness don't start that, don't think that way, don't even think about it at all," he took ahold of my shoulders rotating my body so we now stood eye to eye, " If you got pregnant once you can get pregnant again. If you want w could try and-"

"I got pregnant because I was stupid," I stated with bitterness lowering my gaze to his shiny new shoes.

"You're not stupid," he said bending his head down making our eyes connect.

"I had fertility drugs in me, obviously nature didn't want me to, have one."

"If you want a child we can try."

"You won't have sex until we're married," I derided his offer with a comeback.

"And that's up to you, we could try fertility treatments and as for Joseph I asked you not to dwell on it."

"How dare you ask me not to dwell on the death of our son!"

"Renesmee, I don't want to fight," he said in his Alpha tone, then he licked his lips, gazing at mine, "I love you."

"Yeah right."

"Don't ever doubt that." He now had a firm hold of my shoulders lightly shaking me. It was if he was trying to wake me from sleep. I snapped, removing his clasp from my shoulders. I saw the nurse down the hallway through the door windows, eavesdropping.

Stepping away from Jacob, I charged out the doors and past her saying, "Should you be working?"

Frantically she scattered back to her work. Jake grabbed my wrist causing my body to jerk back . He rotated me so that our faces were inches apart.

" I don't like seeing you this way," he muttered upset.

"How the hell would you even know how I've been? You've been gone for a week," taking control of my wrist I pulled away from him, and continued, " where the hell were you?"

"You asked me to leave you alone. You we're so, depressed and I can't see you that way."

"UGH!" I clenched my fists storming off still talking, _"_ At least, I have some sort of feeling about this," I ridiculed his behavior and made an assumption but actions speak louder than words. I owed it to him to stop and talk, so reluctantly I turned to him.

"And you don't think I have feelings?" I could tell he wanted to shout and he wanted to be angry but he could only bring his resonance to a dull roar.

"I don't know," I shrugged my shoulders. Now I was going to be honest, " I saw your blood shot eyes and once glistening tear once..."I placed my index finger in his face exaggerating, his one time emotion I witnessed. Then I continued "…but after that, all you told me was _I'm sorry, don't dwell on it_. This isn't, this isn't like a friend talking bad about you and you brush it off, this is the death of our child, and this may be the only child I was able to have. Only someone with no heart would not dwell on something like this!"

"I'm not heartless and you know it," he barked not loud but menacingly, " Ness I'm just as disappointed as you…."

Scorning him I stated, "Yeah clearly."

"What the hell is your problem? Why do you think I have no feelings? Ness, I may not have the same connection you had with Joseph, but every night I swore I felt the presence of the baby resting between us and I'm sorry I can't cry in front of you, I don't want you to see me as weak. I want you to be able to come to me no matter what, I want to be that one person you can count on, that you can come to when things go bad…"

"Jacob, you are."

"Let me finish," he stated placing his hand on my cheek, I leaned into the wramth as he continued to talk," all I wanted was to comfort you and you wouldn't allow that"

He was right, I was afraid to have contact with him now. He wouldn't make love to me before, but now after all this what if he changed his mind. I most likely would give in and I don't know if I wanted to take the chance to risk pregnancy. I pulled away from him facing the wall.

"I'm going to school."

"Why do you do that!" he yelled.

"What?" I revolved, on the heel of my foot pivoting to face him.

"Change the subject, we need to talk about this!"

"There's nothing to talk about," I persisted with my walking finally reaching the elevators and pushing the elevator button.

"You know this kills me right! It kills me to see you this way," his remorseful tone always stopped me dead in my tracks. The elevator rang, opened and closed. He carried on, " There's nothing we can go about Joseph, all I can say is the toughest part is dealing with seeing you in so much pain, even in your sleep. Baby, you used to be so spirited and cheerful, you made everyone's day better, now you bring everyone down."

"I have that right!" I shouted pressing the elevator button again, but I didn't want to wait and let him rag on me more. As I walked over to the stairwell, he used his Alpha tone again, stopping me dead in my tracks. How the HELL does he do that!

"No you don't, you can bring yourself down and me if you choose but Bella says you're taking everything out on your family."

Of course, he mentioned Bella. "Why don't you just talk to me? Not my mother!" I was waiting for it I wanted him to admit to me, that Momma was his imprint.

"You asked me to leave you alone and not talk to you so I did as you asked. I called her to see if you were doing better…"

_Liar_, I thought, raising an eyebrow.

" …You're phones off," he informed as if I didn't know, " but I gave you space, but taking everything out on your family won't change the fact that you had a miscarriage!"

_OW, just stab my heart you a-hole!_ "I'm done Jacob," I snapped running down the staircase.

"What?" he followed.

I stopped with my keys in my hand and a hand on the safty railing, turning to him, "I'm done with this conversation."

I continued to hurry down the flights of stairs until I was able to make it outside. I was half way to the Volve when I could hear him yelling, "Where're you going!"

Yet again, his voice called to me and I followed it, walking up to him, I had to tell him, " I'm done with my family," he looks confused as I pressed forward with my speech, "I'm done with Forks and La Push and, and…" I sucked back a whimper, "I'm, I'm done with you."

"Wait! Wait, what do you mean?"

"I mean, I-I need some time…"

Both his brows pushed tightly together and I could have sworn he was becoming teary eyed, or at least I told myself that. "Time for what?"

"I need a different life, Jake. I want to be human and I thought I would live out a human life here, but I can't escape any of this supernatural crap, especially with _you,_ and my family around."

We gawked at one another and he could just read my mind. "Are you really going to school?"

" I'm going to school, and I'm living life as any regular eighteen year old human would."

I left it at that, walking away driving home. 

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Chapter 17 preview

**"_He's already been through enough, why you doing this to him?" she pleaded with me. _**

**"_He imprinted Leah!"_**

**"_Yeah."_**

**"_I can't deal with that."_**

**"**_**So you're leaving? You're the only thing that**_ gets him through the day."

Link of College on profile...


	62. Chapter 17 Time

**Author's Note: Yes the miscarriage is consuming them both, because could you imagine going through that yourself. Things such as that tear people apart.**

**In this Chapter, Leah for once is stepping in because she can't stand feeling Jake's anguish. Here's a tidbit of Jake's thoughts. Oh and there's an unexpected visitor for Nessie.**

**Thanks to: ****JacobAPotter, Randomeow, Gjmb2000,luv2beloved,ernrs, Yoda11, Black-Phoenix2009, veraleeon for reviewing...**

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Chapter 17 Time

**(Jacob's POV)**

At first I perceived this entire situation as sad, but not as death. I thought about it more and more, and I recognized that our child had thoughts, and a spirit. With that comprehension, it sent my thoughts into a whirlwind of mourning, everyday, as week affliction and stress about Ness's health. She asked me not to speak to her or see her for a week and I did so. I threw myself into work in order to take my mind off my own grief and to avoid my feelings of helplessness of Ness's depression.

I checked on her when I could and called Bella to relay information. I witnessed her denial; it took her three days to have the surgery to remove the fetus. She held her guilt, which I believe is part of the reason she's pushing me away. She wasn't talking about it, she was just being angry and bitter, and blaming herself for something that was partially my fault. I was the one who couldn't give her a healthy child. With all this tension and conflict have risen so high, which was so odd to me and it was pushing us apart.

The only person I could talk to that may understand was Paul. Though, my brother-in-law irritated me beyond all means, I went to speak to him about this. I knew he could understand since he and my sister went through this. We talked and he never once cracked a joke or messed with me, I've never seen him so serious.

"You need to talk about it," he spoke monotonic and earnest. It was something I defiantly wasn't used to.

"I did, but she, she says there's nothing to talk about. She wouldn't even let me hug her or comfort her?"

"She'll never be the same Jake. After about a few months your sis was finally back to her old self but she put off having a kid for so long because she has that fear that, it could happen again."

"For Ness it's worse because she doesn't think she's capable to have kids. Those damn Leeches in Russia put fertility drugs in her. "

"What's that have to do with anything?"

His face read perplexity so I clarified, "She believes, that's the only reason she became pregnant and she believes in some curse of a demon called Lilith and that is why this happened."

He stood there still mystified by my story, he didn't know of Lilith. So I simplified the story.

" She thinks her being a half vampire is the reason she's incapable to conceive. And now she wants to move, and I don't know how she feels about me. She's never been so offensive or impolite, especially with me. The miscarriage consumes her."

"I don't know what to say man except give her space. She's not fully human so, I know you too have forever to make your relationship work. Give her time."

For once, Paul had good insight. I'll give her time. Time heals.

**(Renesmee's POV)**

"Bye Rose." I gave my second mother a hug as she crossed her arms. She was upset with the fact that I was leaving her. Eventually she gave in a returned my hug.

"You'll visit?" she wondered.

"Yes, "I nodded to my aunt as I petted my niece that stood by my side.

"We'll miss ya," Emmett took a hold of my ruffling my hair attempting to not make this a sad fairwell.

"Get of her daddy!" Lilly yelled defensively, hitting his leg.

"Lillian no hitting," Rose ordered trying to pull her away from my side but she was glued to my leg.

"Daddy was hurting Nessie."

"No, he was just teasing me," I told her then hugged uncle Emmett. Rose stepped back, her arms crossed over her chest again, and her face was an exact replica of Lilly's desoalte attitude.

"Bye Emmett. Bye Gran, Bye Grandpa." In between each adieu, I received a hug and then came to Lilly. Her face was devastated and her lip pouted and trembled as she held back tears.

"But you said you wouldn't leave me, remember?"

"Oh Lillian," I said apologetically, taking her in my arms, " I-I, I'll only be gone a little while, I have to go to school, to be smarter and learn. I'll visit as often as I can, promise. Kay?"

"Okay?"

"Come on, Lilly," Rose said from the garage.

"No, I want to stay will Nessie til she leaves," she still whined wrapping her arms tightly around my neck.

Picking her up and placing her on my shoulder I called out, "It's okay Rose, I'll bring her in."

She nodded as the rest of the family went into the house, with the exception of my parents and Lilly on my hip.

"You sure you don't want us to drive up there with you?" Momma asked hugging me.

"No Momma, I'll be fine. I only have clothes and nic-nacs to move in."

"Alright call as soon as you get in," Daddy said ," it may snow on your way there so, please drive safely."

"Yes, daddy."

"I found it in your dad's old room," mom stated handing me my cell that has been off for nearly three weeks,"Please call home."

I nodded trying to set Lilly on the slushy ground, but she wouldn't let go. I let her hang tight as I hugged my mother, "Bye, Momma."

"Leah's coming to talk to you."

"Great," my emotions began to be wound up, she was just coming to yell at me I know it.

"She's not very happy with you," daddy informed me.

"I don't care," I shrugged finally setting Lilly down, but she rapidly took a hold of my hand.

"Here her out okay?" daddy said so calm and rational.

"Okay, I'll call you when I get to my apartment." I hugged him with one arm since Lilly wouldn't let go of my hand. He and my mother stood in the garage watching me say bye to Lilly again.

Guiding Lilly's hand toward the garage I said, "Lilly go with Uncle Eddy and Bella."

She looked up to me with her poignant eyes and I felt guilt. I was leaving her when I swore on New Year's Eve I would never do so.

"I have to go."

"But what if the bad people come back? The red eyed people, you won't be here to keep me safe."

Leaning down, I gave her another gigantic hug and tucked her shoulder length black hair behind her ear. "Your mommy, daddy and Seth can protect you better than I ever could, so please be a good girl."

"But-" she began to cry as I stood up. She hugged my leg tightly and I had to have my mother come get her off.

As momma walked over to me Lilly whispered, "Tell uncle Jasper I say hi, Love you Ness."

"Love you."

Bella took Lilly's hand and gave me one last hug, " I love you more than my own life Nudge, so be safe and smart. Call if anything happens or goes wrong. And about Jacob, you two are meant to be..."

"Momma don't."

"I never got to finish our conversation, I need to tell you about Jake..."

"I don't want to hear about him, I gotta go."

My sighed walking into the garage with Lilly holding her arm. I watched the two walk into the garage and Lilly turned her head looking at me and waving. Waving back I witnessed my parents step inside the house, and left me to put the last few things in the Volvo. Looking over to my truck in the garage pained me. I can't tell you how many countless hours Jake and I spent working on the rust bucket. I loved it none the less, it held good memories but the whole point of me leaving was to learn to live independently, away from my family and Jake. That old Chevrolet was going to be a constant reminder of him. At that hypocritical thought, my hand reached behind my neck and I grazed the top of my back, where the permanent tattoo was.

The cold air carried a floral woodsy scent, much like Jake's but more feminine. I placed the lamp in my hand in the truck and walked back into the garage, waiting for my aunt Lee-lee. I had to mentally prepare myself for an argument, she's never just visited me for the sake of visitation. How was I going to defend myself? Why did I need to? I knew her visit wasn't a friendly goodbye, it was positively going to be an argument.

Then there was Leah's irritated voice, "I heard you're moving to Olympia?"

"Yeah what's it to you?" I asked rudely. As I picked up the final box in the garage, she walked in the garage bare footed and in her cut of shorts and tattered tank. My eyes met hers and for once they weren't loathing, they were pitiful. There was still a hint of disgust in her dark eyes but the air wasn't full of tension as usual. I felt as if she was just going to have a normal conversation.

"Ness, you belong here with us."

"Who's us?" I shrugged, placing the box in the truck. Leah still hung in the garage as I slammed the trunk of the Volvo shut.

"The pack, your family… Jacob"

She hesitantly stepped out of the garage and closer to me, her feet touching the muddy snow. She now wasn't looking me as she was popping her knuckles nervously.

"I don't belong with Jacob," I confirmed short, opening the car door, pressing the button to shut the garage door.

"He doesn't want you to go, you know that right?" she was so beseeching, something I've never witnessed with her. Leah always seemed so ruff around the edges and not one to plead but she really was going to beg on Jacob's behalf.

"I do," I agreed with her, " but it's something I need to do."

"I know, I heard the conversation you had with Jake. It's all he's thought about for the last few days. It makes me feel better about myself."

_What was she talking about?_

"He's always thought about you, as…so faultless and compassionate. I used to think you were so perfect."

I slammed the driver's side door turning to her, "You understand he only has those thoughts about me because I'm the next best thing to my mom. I guess she's his imprint."

"I never thought you were so stupid," suddenly her soft and understanding expression turned sour. _Yep Leah was back and I returned her sharpness._

"Excuse me?" I spat back.

" Uh? Renesmee," she took a deep breath and her mood was switched yet again to calm, "You know nothing about imprinting or even if he imprinted."

"Well did he?" I implored with every fiber of my being. I prayed someone would tell me, God's honest truth.

Biting her lip she dropped her vision and shook her head stating, "I can't say."

" I know you're bound right? Can't talk about Jake's imprint?" I said so sarcastically walking back to the Volvo, then I turned back to her because I had more to say. Flailing my arms around I began yelling, " I've been to hell and back and I don't have time to play games or time for your hot and cold attitude, I already have one of my own. I gotta go."

As I walked back to the Volvo opening the car door, she laughed so sardonic, it caused me to turn and see her facial expression. Why was she behaving so strangly?

" Oh. My. Gosh! You. Are. Clueless. "

Now I was lost, I couldn't understand her Jeckle and Hyde attitude.

"Jacob's has had only wonderful thoughts of you, until your conversation and since you..." She paused, respectfully not wanting to bring up the miscarriage but I said what she was thinking.

"Lost _his_ baby."

She sympathetically nodded.

"That's part of the reason I'm moving."

"He's already been through enough, why you doing this to him?"

"Doing what? I'm just trying to have a life, where he's not so?" I breathed in the crisp wintery air finding my words,"I need to learn to function without him. "

"You never will."

"He imprinted Leah!" I shouted almost crying.

"And you know that for sure?" she inquired. The way she asked made me really think about whether he imprinted or not. But all the signs said he did on my mother.

"Yeah, and I can't deal with that, right now."

"So you're leaving?" she questioned so rudely, "You're the only thing that gets him through the day. Do you not understand what I'm telling you?"

"Why are you even here, you hate me?"

"I don't hate you, I'm uncomfortable around you," she said still messing with her fingers. I watched her ,me and Leah had that in common because I was currently mirroring her action.

"Because I'm half vampire?"

"The reason's don't matter, you should just think about what you're doing. "

I stepped into the s.u.v. before Leah ran over not letting me shut the car door, "If you leave I don't know what Jacob might do. "

"He'll be fine," I went to shut the door but our strength was the same.

"He won't admit this to anyone not even himself but, he, thought about suicide when you choose Nahuel over him, he tends to that when he falls hard for a girl."

"I didn't choose anyone over Jake, Leah. I love him, I just need a, new life, to take a break, to have time to think. If I stay here I swear I'll drop my basket!"

And it was true I really feel I would go insane if I didn't seperate myself from the things that stressed me out.

"So, I can't change your mind?"

"If Jacob can't what makes you think you can?"

As she held the car door open I could hear a growl in her chest, "You already put him through hell with Nahuel, don't do this to him again."

Now I was scared, she was shaking preparing to phase. I couldn't understand why she was so worried about how Jacob felt, he seemed fine.

"But if you only knew…" I now was pleading with her.

"SHUT UP! You and Jacob are both idiots! Why can't you guys just make life easier and be completely honest with one another?"

"What?" Was I lying to him? No I've been honest through and through. It was he who was being dishonest. How confused can one person be?

"One day when Jacob acts like a real man, you'll understand the mistakes you've both been making," she slammed the car door in my face and took off.

My conversation with Leah went in circles, I couldn't understand what the heck was such a big deal, why did she care so much about Jacob's feelings? On the drive to Olympia I kept repeating the things Leah said. She was so abrupt and abusive with me. Was I really that clueless? What was she trying to say?

The way she spoke made me almost believe, I was the imprint but Jake let me go, hell he encouraged me to go school this morning. He simply let me go, how could he do that to me if I was his imprint? Hopefully, this time away for him will let me grow as a person. Help me learn to deal with the fact that Momma was his imprint. In time I will learn to deal with that, date a little and figure out whether or not I could stand a life with him knowing such a disturbing fact.

It was a teary drive but I pulled myself together. I was much to tired to take the boxes from my car to the second floor. Wearily stepping up the stairs, I smelt a familiar smell but it couldn't be him. I hurried and put the key in the door, took deep breaths preparing to fight a vampire if I mistaked the scent. When I slowly opened the door I saw a familiar face. The face of a man that's been missing, the man that I needed in these last few weeks, the only man that could change my mood.

"Jasper?"

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_**Chapter 18 preview**_

_**"You're working from the inside?" I asked him. My Aunt and Uncle were so sly.**_

_**"Can you control your thoughts? Well, enough from your father?"**_

_**"Yeah of course but-"**_

_**"Don't tell anyone I was here."**_

_**"But Uncle Jasper you should have spoke to Momma, she's the one with the metal block?"**_

_**"Renesmee, I would have gone to your mother but she wasn't in Russia, she didn't fight in those battles."**_

_**"Neither did I, I fought in one and just stood on the side lines with Lilly, Aro wouldn't let me fight."**_

_**"He's overprotective of you, I'm surprised your father didn't try to kill him when we rescued you**_."


	63. Ch 18 Return of the Southern Gentlemen

**Author's Note**: **Ugh! Not a lot of detail in this chapter just dialogue. I didn't want too much going on distracting you from the conversation. =) But things are picking up again!**

**Thanks to: Lena0123, silver07 & seventeen4ever for putting my story on story alert**

**And too: Luv2beloved, Randomeow, Rosie Doll Corpse, JacobAPotter, patty(heart)cake, gjmb2000, veraleeon for reviewing.**

**Special thanks to seventeen4ever who totally go this concept:**

**"This stroy is probably the most realistic so far of any other that ive read. I"**

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**Chapter 18 Return of the Southern Gentlemen**

"Jasper? " I saw him sitting on the small tan loveseat pressed against the footboard of my bed. Being the Southern Gentlemen he was he stood and nodded. My small studio apartment was cold but he couldn't tell the difference. Placing my purse and keys on the small granite countertop I ran to him stealing a hug. Jasper unenthusiastically returned the hug. He has always been discomfited, and without Alice he was unusually and remarkably ill at ease. I was relieved he was here despite his uneasiness, I could use his capability to calm my feelings and infrequent emotions. Hysterically I asked, "Where have you been? Where's Alice?"

You could see the sadness in his eyes when he said, "I had to leave her with the Volturi."

"The Voturi? " I gulped, "Lilly was right!" sitting in the couch shocked, Jasper sat besides me.

"Right about what?" He wondered.

"She knew you were coming to see me? She says a lot of things that haven't happened yet, she says hi. "

"She knew I was coming?"

" She's like Alice. She's like Alice! " I repeated shocked. She knew Joesph was going to die, she see's my future the way Alice can't, " She said Alice left to keep the family safe."

"Yes, she did."

"Then what happened to you?"

"I'll explain but tell me why are you so angry and depressed?"

"I, did you know I was pregnant?" I became restless when he didn't speak, " Well I had a miscarriage."

"Sorry."

" Whatever it's done," I retorted ruthlessly fiddling with the strings that held from my sweater. After a long attentive pause, Jasper spoke, "You know this isn't homesickness or you missing Jacob, I can't make this go away."

Damn, that's all I wanted was to rid the feeling of failure and a sense of loss. It ate away at my very soul.

Don't think about it Ness. My thoughts transformed back into my original stupefaction.

" Now who's ashes did my parents find if they weren't Alice's? Her trail ended at the cliff and your scent went North."

"A Voltrui guard, Alice and I were hunting and got into it with a few members. Killed one of them, when we noticed Jane was there we split, I one way and Alice the other. We couldn't lose them though, they caught up and gave us an ultimatum."

"Of course, " I said with no surprise. I thought back to the deal they made with me join or they kill Jacob, but that was Jane speaking. Curiously I asked, "What was it?"

"Join, or Alice gets murdered, then me, then our family. Alice and I had to join or they were going to kill our entire family and the pack."

"How could you join them? We could have fought back." I gritted my teeth with infuriated disappointment. It was as if someone had told a secret you never wanted repeated.

"True, that was the original plan but when Jane informed us that after they've destroyed the family, they'd keep you alive…"

"Why?" I interrupted.

" …Aro has sick plans to breed with you, with that information, we couldn't take that chance to fight, we had to enlist with them ."

"_With me_? He wants to breed _with me?_ I thought he just wanted to breed me with Nahuel, not with him?" I hollered in disgust. Now his veneration aimed towards me made sense. Always keeping me out of battles and scouting trips to villages. He practically gave me everything I asked for, and his favoritism made absolute sense. The sinister way he touched my hand or my leg and the eerie feeling I held when he gazed at me with his blood red eyes.

Jasper took a hold of my left shoulder and gave me an uncanny command, "You have to be on alert all the time. Alright?"

"Yeah, yeah," I agreed breathless.

"Before I leave Ness, do you have any information about the Volturi? Anything at all?"

"Well, wh-what do you need to know?" I asked stuttering.

"What are Waywalaks and Bo-yarks or Bolarks?" The way he mispronounced their name, gave me the conclusion that he genuinely didn't know who these groups of oversized canine's were.

"Bodarks and Wawkalaks?" I corrected.

"Yeah, are they covens, groups of vamps?".

"They're werewolves ."

Very intrigued he alleged, "Werewolves? What does the Volturi want with them?"

"Aro wanted to have them to be allies for battles I guess, I'm not sure who the Volturi would be battling though?"

"I have an idea." Watching Uncle Jasper's expression made me know who they wanted to combat with was…

"Us!"

Suddenly, the cold room was becoming a humid sweltering sauna. My palms were clammy, my stomach was queasy and my body was becoming drenched in sweat. This was an ardent feeling. Jasper continued to explain as I ripped the sweater of my back.

"Our family is a threat, we have too many allies and with you, the Volturi don't stand a chance."

"What's so special about me? I'm like faulty wiring you can't count on me with anything." It was true, I never operated properly.

"I don't know where all this self-doubt came from Ness but knock it off. You and your mother have the most useful abilities. And you, you attract people."

"Attract?"

"When people meet you or just see you they have two reactions, they either immediately like you, or they're jealous of you. You have this intimidation factor ."

Some-what offended I disagreed with my uncle, "I'm not intimidating."

"That little line between your eyebrows either wise," he said putting his index finger on the crease in the middle of my brows, " Your scowl says listen to me and people do."

"People don't always listen to me."

"Yes, they do Ness. Your opinion has always mattered to everyone not just Jacob," hearing his name stung, "Do you understand you're able to talk anyone up or down?"

"Meaning?"

"You have this ability to talk people up or down, with your words. You have the ability to lure people, all people."

"Okay, I understand Jazz but what about the Wawkalaks and Bodarks? What does Aro plan to do with them?"

"Aro and Caius are speaking about trying to befriend them again, and now he's been thinking of producing more half-breeds?"

"But he had all the half-breed's destroyed."

"Since seeing how useful Nahuel was at tracking down Joham."

"Nahuel found Joham?"

" Yes, and Aro saw how talented you were, he thinks half breeds are less, conspicuous than vampires. And because our family thinks all half breeds are destroyed you guys will be fully unaware of halfbreeds coming to tear down our family and kidnap you."

Worried, I grabbed his hand and was going to rush him out of the apartment, informing "But Jasper Aro will know you were here? You have to go!"

Calming me with his useful talent he responded,"He trusts me."

"So they are building up the Volturi again, creating halfbreeds?" gasping I covered my mouth. _It was what I feared._

"No halfbreeds yet, that's his strategy though. Alice has talked him into holding off on that for now."

"You're working from the inside?" I asked him. My Aunt and Uncle were so sly.

"Can you control your thoughts? Well, enough from your father?"

"Yeah of course but-"

"Don't tell anyone I was here."

"But Uncle Jasper you should have spoke to Momma, she's the one with the metal block?"

"Renesmee, I would have gone to your mother but she wasn't in Russia, she didn't fight in those battles."

"Neither did I, I fought in one and just stood on the side lines with Lilly, Aro wouldn't let me fight."

"He's overprotective of you, I'm surprised your father didn't try to kill him when we rescued you."

Was he really suggesting, that Aro sees me in an wrong repulsive way? It caused me to cringe.

"Never mind," he interrupted," You were involved with Wawkalak and Bodark, yes?"

"Wawkalak yes they're reasonable, like Jake but Bodark No?"

"That's why I came to you, you know about the Wawkalak and Bodark and now you answered some questions Alice and I had."

"How did you get away from them without anyone knowing?"

"Like I said Aro trust me," he said opening the front door, " One more thing if Marcus comes to visit don't be alarmed. Since Jacob killed Chelsea, many ties were broken. Now Marcus has left the Volturi."

"He has? Why exactly?"

"He dismissed himself. He doesn't like the decisions the Volturi have been making."

"I knew I could trust him for a reason."

"He said that he couldn't do that to Carlisle and his family since we've been nothing but respectful towards them and to hurt you was wrong."

"Where is he now?"

"Not, sure."

"Should, I do anything or help, I can't just stay here…"

"Renesmee, do whatever you were before, Alice and I are working on a plan."

"Hey Jazz, what did they rank you?"

"Black, I heard you were ranked black too?"

"I don't know why?"

"You can block out mental attacks and attract people for the Volturi. You know the ranking is new."

"Yeah, Jane hates it…"

After a quick goodbye Japer left and promised to come visit as soon as he could. Lying on my bed I turned my phone on and plugged it into the charger. The sudden ring shocked me and I sat up on my bed to read the message but then another message came in, then another and another…

I left my phone on the side table until the ringing ceased and when it at last stopped, I read the first message was from Jacob.

_-This will be hard to get through but we can do it together, just call me so we can talk. Get some sleep love you._

The next was from Jake again.

_-I wish I knew what to say, but honestly i don't know what I could possibly say to make you feel better. Love you get some rest I'll see you soon_

_-Call me, I need to see you. _

_-You know this is not your fault, right? There is nothing you could have done to prevent this. I am sorry and I love you. _

_-If you need anything, let me know._

_-I love you, please call me _

_-Come see me, I miss you_

_-Hope you're getting some rest, I'll stop by if you want?_

_-I really want to talk about things, am I allowed over?_

_-Please answer your phone._

_-Is your phone even on?_

_-I've been thinking of you. Hope you're having a good day._

_-__Nessie, I don't know what to say anymore, I've been trying to get a hold of you. Just talk to me__. _

_-__I'm here if you need me, __okay?_

_-__Remember, I am always going to be here for you. Say the word and I'll be there._

After reading all the text's he sent me over the ten days since the surgery, I checked my voicemail. 'You have ten new messages," the voice informed. He left one from each day he and I were seperated. I listened to each.

_-"Please, talk to me, share your thoughts, feelings. I know that you haven't forgotten the baby or your pain, this is my pain too. Please call." _

_-"How are you doing today? If you don't feel like answering the phone, I'll just leave a message to let you know that I love you and was thinking about you. I'm sure you'll return my call when you feel up to it. Uhm? Talk to you soon."_

_-"Is there anything I can pick up or do for you? Anything you need at all, let me know. "_

_-"Don't feel guilty because you laughed today. I would love to see your beautiful smile as soon as possible. " _

_- "Let me come over to comfort you, I know you're in pain. If you need to cry, I'll bring the tissues, we can cry together just please, let me come see you." _

_- "Hey Renesmee, I really would like to see you, your mother said they're worried about you please, please call. I love you. "_

_-" I'll cry with you, I'll listen to you and I'll even laugh with you. Just say the world and I'll be by your side."_

_-"I know it seems like a long time, though it's only been a few days, but you don't have to 'get over' the loss of the baby on any time table. Paul said you'll feel better and when you do, I'll still be here." _

_-" Hey, just calling to see you were doing, Uhm? Call me. Love you."_

"_It's me Uhm, I was thinking maybe you would like to go for a walk, or to eat? I would love to see your beautiful face, Renesmee call me I can't stand to be without you. ." _

At that moment, I hung up the phone and placed it on the tiny side table next to my bed, letting the tears stream down my cheeks. He really did care and I ran away, leaving him . I do need him, more than air and blood but I will learn to survive without him before I cave and decide to spend a life with him. Life with a werewolf who imprinted on my mother. THen my phone rang again. One new message from Jacob:

_-I hope you got there safe, at least text me back and let me know you're okay._

-_I'm here, safe and sound, I replied _

-_Remember, I'm here always. Call me any time of the day or night. I Love you._

For some reason I couldn't text back. I attempted to call but each time I pressed the red button instead of the green call one. What the hell was wrong with me?

THE END…

no I'm totally joking stay tuned for the next chapter…Ness starts school…


	64. Chapter 19 Like Jacob

**Author's Note: Sorry I've taken so long, I hate my laptop so much! I finished this chapter long ago and it didn't save to my word so I had to re-write. SO It's not detailed like my original but oh well, I'm not wasting anymore time on this chapter I think you all with get the gist of it. Renesmee's at school she enrolled in classes that she thought may help her with her questions. All these are actual courses offered at St, Martin's University. She really struggles with religion, the miscarriage and of course missing her Jacob. **

**Thanks to Whipstitch for favorite-ing as well as veraleeon, JacobAPotter, Patty(heart)cake, Yoda11, gjmb2000, BlackPhoenix-2009, randomeow for reviewing!**

**THANKS SO MUCH I'm trying to respond to you're reviews and PM's to answer questions and comments, why not right?**

**SPECIAL THANKS TO Rosie Doll Corpse! Because I'm her favorite!**

**Here's Ness's course schedule:**

_**Monday-Intro to Biological Research, Creative Writing, Comparative Religions **_

_**Tuesday- Microbiology and Lab, philosophy, religious thought patterns**_

_**Wednesday-Intro to Biological Research,Creative Writing, Comparative Religions**_

_**Thursday-Microbiology, Philosophy, Religious Thought Patterns**_

_**Friday-Intro to bio research, Intro to Hebrew Scripture.**_

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Chapter 19 Like Jacob

With all the information Jasper leaked, left me on edge the rest of the week. It was a broken record in my thoughts, they're building the Volturi up to exterminate my family, my pack and my Jacob. Why? Why can't they leave us be? We have no power struggles or jealousy issues. Every last one of us know the Volturi keep order in our world and although, we don't always agree with their methods or decisions but we're content with their power.

Doing as Jasper had asked, I put those dreadful thoughts to rest and carried on with my life. The first day of school came and I was scheduled for Creative Writing, Introduction to Biological Research and Comparative religion. Three courses that I thought could aid to my healing process. Creative Writing was just as I expected, it was self explanatory. I had a mild hope that in taking this course I could learn to transfer my feelings on paper, much like I used to do with my journal.

The following class was Introduction to Biological Research, it was an intense research course. I looked forward to learning the techniques of examining biological subjects. With my miscarriage I would hope afterward perhaps I could put the methods to use and investigated the cause of my miscarriage. Especially because it wasn't a normal miscarriage, my body discharged a human vampire shape shifter breed. Maybe Jacob and my DNA were not meant to intertwine. That made sense since vampire venom could kill a werewolf was that why I miscarried? In a couple of weeks, I would have to collaborate with a senior student. I was not looking forward to that, I wanted no contact with any human. I thrived to be alone so I could think. Was it so much to ask to just be able to get through this semester with no human interaction?

By one thirty I could take a lunch break after my first two classes of Monday. I drove around for a short while, until I ended up at a place called Cutter's Point Coffee Shop. Nestled among a strip mall, I decided it was a reasonable place to stop since I wasn't hungry just thirsty. . Coming from Forks and Healy it was like an entirely different world . In between the various stores such as a Home Depot, Costco and Best Buy was the Coffee shop. I bought a green tea as well as a bottled water and noticed they were hiring. Having a weeke4nd job would fill my time and be a good excuse not to be able and visit my family.

After filling out an application I headed back to campus for my last class of the day, Comparative Religion. The class was a study of major religions with emphasis on history, doctrine and ethics. I thought perhaps these religion class would help me found out more about, stories that haven't made it into the Bible, stories such as Lilith.

Tuesday I had my classes the first of the day was Microbiology and Lab. This course was a structure and function of microorganisms that illustrate biological phenomena at the cellular level. Laboratory exercises include the isolation, cultivation, identification,and quantification of microorganisms and their growth responses. I took this class the same reason I took Biological Research course to hopefully apply this to my miscarriage.

The first day was difficult. My heart nearly dropped when I saw this man's face. His hair was lighter than Jake's and he had dark eyes, darker than Jake's. Jake's eyes were mystical, they held a liveliness and light spirit and behind those deep caramel eyes was seduction and was it pure admiration.

T his guy's eyes I didn't see the lightness nor liveliness all I saw was the seduction, flirtation and a harshness. He was shorter less muscular and thinner than my Jacob but still handsome none-the-less. Knowing this guy was in my class was hell, seeing a man that reminded me of Jacob. I sat the furthest from him as possible so I didn't have to see his face, so I didn't have to be reminded of Jacob. Philosophy and Religious thought Patterns Course trailed behind the class that I had the Jacob wannabe in.

After Microbiology was Philosophy and Religious Thought Patterns. My Religious Though Pattern class, questioned and confronted modern believers about issues such as death and dying, symbols and sacraments, faith and justice, human suffering and the existence of evil. This class was a changing subject-matter course. Maybe I could learn about the struggles of willpower and put application to the topic on vampire life.

On Friday I had Biological Research again, and introduction to Hebrew Scriptures . Googling Lilith I found out Lilith was not only a Jewish Folklore story but it was also in the Old Testament. Being in this class may help further my research in Lilith.

Two weeks went by and I haven't visited my family, I got that job at Cutter's Point Coffee working weekends and was getting into the swing of things. I did pretty well not conversing with anyone until today, for my Biological Research. I had been given a number the number thirty two for my partner. Walking to Harned Hall (Link on Profile as St. Martin Online Campus Tour) I waiting in my class of fifteen anticipating the arrival of my partner that would help me with my Biological research topic.

I waited for my partner when in walked in the guy who carried the hauntingly similarity of Jacob. _Please not him, please don't be my partner. _He strutted over smirking carrying his folder and one book. The opitomy of cool he was with a pen behind his ear, a beanie and his tight jeans.

"Number thirty-two?" he asked.

Solemnly my head dipped up and down.

"Hey," the tan boy reminded me to much of Jacob as he greeted. He had a similar grin and that same sparkle in his eye , like Jacob. Despite how infuriated I was with fate, I had to be polite.

"Hi," I replied civilly.

"So we're partners?" he smirked, holding up his note card that read thirty-two. Taking the pen from his ear he sat at the desk next to me as I looked through the list of topics my professor had handed out.

"Looks like it." My enthusiasm was so low-key but he couldn't make out my peeved demeanor.

"You don't talk much do you?" He wondered as he tapped the pen on the desk.

"I talk," I replied defensively looking up at him. Gawking at him, was strange he was too much like Jacob, it was the only reason I could maybe, like him and spend every others day of the school week with him.

"I have Microbiology with you and I haven't heard a word outta you for two weeks."

" I just try to concentrate on my work."

"That's good staying focused," I could feel him eye me but I continued to decide on a topic, "by the way your name's Renesmee right?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?

"Professor Lombard calls roll every day in Micro. I'm Brandon."

"Nice to meet you," I held out my hand to make our meeting official. As he placed his hand in mine I half expected the hot touch that Jacob had, but Brandon's touch didn't measure up to Jacob's contact.

"How did you get into Microbiology if you're only a freshman? You have to have at least a prereq to get into that class."

"Honors Biology at my school has college credits."

"Oh, what other classes do you have?" As he said his query he moved his desk closer to mine.

"Here's a list." I passed over my folder. In the insert of my folder was a list of my classes. I gave him the list in hopes to get him to pipe down while I looked for a topic to research.

"Dang girl, you're gonna kill yourself, your taking more classes than you need for a full time student."

"Yeah, I need to keep some stuff off my mind, so I took as many classes as my time would allow."

"You don't work?"

I wasn't sure if I could trust him. I stupidly gave him my entire list of classes so I lied, "I don't have too, my parents rather me concentrate on school?"

"Oh, these are all Religion courses and Biology, ohp I'm wrong there's a creative writing class in there. Are you majoring in religion?"

"I'm not sure, I'm just taking classes that interested me."

"Cool, well what topic are we going to research? Somatic Cell Nuclear Transfusing, Cloning, Stem-Cell Research , SCNT?"

"I'll do human growth and development, genetic variation."

After two hours with him, I could genuinely say he was enjoyable. Religion was a touchy subject with him as well as politics even talking about history bored him. Jacob always enjoyed talking about all themes with me so it was strange to deal with someone who didn't care to hear about my interests. At least there was one subject we could agree on. Music.

I could never bring myself to call Jacob, but we texted. Eventually he began calling but I couldn't talk to him without my eyes burning. To know he imprinted on my mother hurt and I wanted time to get over it. Remembering Lilly drew that picture of me and Jacob getting married caused me to assume I was going to go back to him and she even said things about two babies but that could have been about anyone. I deemed about how accurate Lilly's visions were. Was she anything like Alice, was what she saw subjective to people's choices?

After school today, I went to the library with Brandon to borrow some books on Genetic Variation. He was polite and kind and even offered to buy me dinner since it was almost seven in the evening. I told him I was tired and needed to finish a story for my creative writing class, which was the truth.

Halfway through editing my short story, Jake called. Letting it ring a few times, I wasn't sure whether I wanted to answer it or not. Holding the phone in my hand, it lit up and vibrated waiting for me to answer it. I went against my original plan to not talk to him and picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey Ness, " his voice was silent and calm. Pleading as always.

"Hi Jake," my voice cracked as I walked over to my bed. Just hearing his voice after so long caused my legs to go numb and my heart to beat faster.

"Do-do you feel up to talking to me? "

Taking a silent gasp I responded, "Uhm, yeah why not?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't come see you before you left, but I had work."

"It's fine, I knew you had work. You're a busy guy."

"I'm never too busy for you, Ness. Anytime you need me I'm here." He was so earnest and sweet. Talking to him healed me as much as it destroyed me. Just thinking about him, caused me to think of what might have been with Jake and Joseph always crossed my mind too. Who's eyes he would have had, what color hair, what tint of skin and even which traits he would have held more, vampire or werewolf?

"But I'm glad you called before I headed out," I informed him.

"How are you? How's school?"

"Good, it's nothing like I thought it would be, but I enjoy it."

" That's good," then there was a lasting pause. Much too long to say it wasn't awkward.

I didn't say anything as the silence carried on, I wanted to cry, I missed him so much. And as always he was on my same waved length. " I miss you," he said in all sincerity.

"I miss you too," my choppy voice, spoke out in a hushed breathe.

Eagerly he asked, "Are you going to come down to visit? Or can I come up there?"

"Jake I thought we agreed to take a break?"

"What exactly do you mean by take a break?" now his calm straightforwardness diminished into honest aggravation, " I figured almost a month from seeing one another was enough of a break."

"I mean we need, UHM? ta, we" I kept stuttering," Uh, I? See other people?"

"See other people? Like break up?"

"Yeah."

" After all we've been through? Why the F*** would you want a break, I love you!" he shouted.

"Jake, I love you too but can you just be my friend ?"

"Just like Bella…" he mumbled, "What did I do wrong?"

Sitting up from my bed I bellowed, "Nothing, nothing."

Now I was pacing around the room, a nervous wreak and I brought it upon myself.

"Is this about your mother?" he questioned so angrily and too quickly.

Yes this was partially about my mother and his damn imprinting and the Volturi. Was it so horrible to want to be human where none of those circumstances existed? Rubbing my forehead furiously I could feel a head ache coming.

"What, no," I lied.

"Bella told me, she talked to you."

"Of course she did. "

"I want you to know kissing her, never meant what it means as when I kiss you. It doesn't even compare."

Completely surprised by that I asked, " You kissed her?"

"Well, yeah didn't Bella tell you?"

"She told me you were in love with her and she loved you back but never once said anything about you kissing her."

My mouth was covered by my free hand as I tried to hold in my sobs and cries.

"Renesmee, we have a lot to talk about and I want to do it in person, please let me come and see you."

"NO! No you, you ," I blubbered as yet again tears collected in the rims of my eyes, "why didn't you ever tell me! Why didn't she tell me!"

"Ness,-"

"Why the hell are lying to me Jacob! You've been lying to me my entire life and I can't stand being in the dark about s***."

"I'm not lying about anything to you, I already said we have lots to talk about. I'm heading up there this weekend, I want to visit."

"No, I don't want to see you! Ever! Again!"

"Renesmee, stop. Don't you dare do that to me, I need to see you, as much as you need to see me."

"I don't want to see you!"

"Ness, I Love YOU."

" What my mother wouldn't take you so you settle for me?"

"I'm not settling for anything, I fight for what I want!"

"Well you didn't fight hard enough because you lost my mom!"

Hanging up I threw the phone at the wall. Ashamed of losing my cool, I collected the shattered cell. I cried again, I didn't want to cry I didn't want to feel. I knew it was unrealistic but just when I began to things could not get any worse, Jake had to tell me my mother and him have kissed.

Trying to cool myself off I went for a walk in the cool January air. I walked down the street and brought home takeout. After making my way back to my apartment I opened my mailbox and found a letter that was processed in Rome. Where the Volturi back in Italy? Setting my chinese food on the cemet I opened the letter.

_Please, Renesmee do as I asked. Continue your life as if I had never stopped over to see you. I also failed to mention that Alice needs you to stop visiting our family. AT least limit it to one a month. You and the pack are not helping her in seeing what is forthcoming. I know this is a terrible thing to ask of you, but it is vital to aid Alice's visions, as well as her sanity. _

_Love your Uncle Jasper. _

_(**Jacob's POV)**_

This was a tough battle with Renesmee, I thought I understood her and knew her in every way imaginable. Her leaving was not something I ever considered but it made sense for her to leave for awhile. Since the Volturi has completely stopped visiting all together and wanted no more to do with us, it was safe. I had an eternity to make her mine and I would willingly wait that long for her. Ness breaking our relationship off, never crossed my mind. I thought it was clear we couldn't live without one another? Gravity stopped holding me to the ground the day she was born. She was my everything, that my whole world revolved around her. I couldn't explain it any other way. Next time I saw her, I was telling her about the imprinting I had to, she needed to understand that there was more something stronger than love that connected us, that would always bind us to one another.

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Chapter 20 preview

Ness visits home against Jasper's wishes.

"But he imprinted on my mother."

"NO, He didn't."

"But he did imprint?"

NOTE: Did you know there is such thing as sexual imprinting in humans? Strange right? So there may be such thing as love at first sight. WEIRD.

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	65. Chapter 2o Not Momma

**Author's Note: Oh my! On the last chapter Ya'll reviewed so quickly, my head spun. So I quickly wrote this just for you guys because I won't be updating until I get back from vacation, seven days from now. **

**In this chapter, Ness just can't get Jacob out of her mind, no matter how hard she tries. Hmmm? Wonder why? That and she finds out that Bella isn't Jake's imprint. Also, please understand Ness is so stupid and oblivious to the whole imprinting thing because she trust Jacob so much. ENJOY! **

**(Oh Emily had three children, just to be clear)**

**Thanks to: gjmb2000, seventeen4ever, JacobAPotter, veraleeon, Rosie Doll Corpse, Black Phoenix-2009, patty(heart)cake, luv2beloved, randomeow, and yoda11 for reviewing and favorite-ing my story. **

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**Chapter 2o- Not Momma**

Brandon and I spent our weekends together, sat next to each other in Microbiology and I had to dedicate three hours a week to do my biology research project with the guy. He became accustomed into my life, and my only friend at school. I made a solid effort not to become attached.

A majority of the time, I pretended he was Jake in a full human form. There were distinct differences between the two men. I saw Brandon as a man that would never have a set soul mate the way Jake did nor phase as he. When I sat next to him, I couldn't feel the heat radiating off of Brandon's body, the way Jake's one hundred and eight degree temperature did. He didn't chew his bottom lip the way Jacob did when he was deep in thought, and although he was kind, he was not as caring as Jacob. It wasn't until now I recognized the gentleman like things Jacob did for me. For example he would pull out a chair, open the door and let me order first when we were out to eat.

Gawking across the pine table, I studied his features. Those dark brown eyes that carried such seriousness, Jake's held so much more significance. Also his weren't as closer together as Brandon's. Making a hard effort to concentrate, my vision found its way back to Brandon who was taking diligent notes for my biology project. _Nice of him._

Looking out the window, I blinked trying to un-blur my vision. The florescent bulbs from above wasn't good for studying. Brandon's top lip was the same size as his top, he had his ears pierced which bothered me. The light bronze hair sitting on his head was long and unkempt. I wanted to cut his dang shaggy hair or braid it at least. At least Jacob had manicured hair, he knew I hated it disheveled and over grown. To be honest, it looked good on Jake but Brandon needed to keep a shaved head to not look like an idiot.

_Gosh, stop staring at him! Why do I compare him to Jacob?Don't think of Jake. Don't think of Jake. Don't think of Jake_.

Bending over I went to reach for my anatomy book in my back pack. As I rummaged through my book bag, I remembered, I left it in Brandon's Toyota yesterday after we went to lunch.

"Hey, Jake?" I called out to him. _Oh NO, not again_! _Renesmee you idiot_! I cursed myself.

When I looked up at him from across the table, both his brows were pushed together when he confusedly said, "Jake?"

"I mean Brandon, " I apologetically corrected myself as I continued to read about genetic variation playing a major role in natural selection. Through my peripherals, I saw Brandon close his book and reposition himself. Angling his shoulders at me he lied his arms flat across the table as his hand reached over and closed my Biology book. "You always call me Jake or Jacob?" he stated in a questioned tone.

Again I apologized for, yet again, calling him Jacob, "Yeah, sorry."

"Why is that?" he inquired leaning back in the wooden chair of the library.

Nervously, I softly pounded the table with my fist, making a steady beat. I picked up this habit since moving to Olympia, it took the place of tapping my finger, since doing so, reminded me of Jacob. Calmly throwing my head back I bit my lip not wanting to talk about the subject. Deeply inhaling, I stopped pounding and stared straight ahead stating, "You remind me of _him_."

"Who is he?"

"My ex," I paused not wanting to let Brandon in on my personal life I added, " friend."

"Ex-friend?" By his pitch, I knew he didn't believe me.

Opening my book back I said, "Oh, we forgot to mention mutation."

Brandon stayed silent long enough so that I could take notes from the book. I read the passage from the book: Some of these mutations affect only gene order and organization; others produce duplications or deletions that affect the total amount of genetic material. They can also involve the entire DNA molecule or just segments. Several kinds of mutations can create new genes, just as several types of mutations can create new alleles.

_Did this mean Jacob and I were mutants? Vampires have twenty five chromosomes in their DNA and Humans have twenty three. Both Jacob and I had twenty-four chromosomes, mutant DNA. Compatible mutant DNA. Clearly, our DNA wasn't the reason for my miscarriage, we were a genetic match to have a healthy baby. This was all on me, on my body. This was obvious this was Lilith's curse, it had to be! _

Intruding on my studies and most personal thoughts Brandon says, "Are you sure you don't want to talk? You always get that glazed look in your eyes after you mistake me for this Jacob guy."

"Yes, I'm sure," I responded still not looking at Brandon. I couldn't he was too much like _Jake. _Scratching at my neck I said_,"_If we talk about this it'll only bring up bad memories_." And the good memories._

"Is he your ex or something?"

Changing the subject I said, "I need that anatomy book I left in your car." The I looked passed him at the metal bookshelves behind him.

"I take it you won't even try and talk about this," he countered under his breath.

"Can you go get the book?" I asked pretending to continue reading my book.

Opening his book back up he replied, "It's actually in my dorm, we could go get it after class."

"Nah, bring it to me on Monday. Yah know it's almost five, I think I'm going to head home."

Stepping out of the library we stepped down the Grand staircase (Link on Profile) When we made it to his truck, Brandon collected my anatomy book and as he handed it to me he asked, "Wanna go get something to eat?"

I thought my anatomy boook was at his dorm but maybe he forgot? "Actually, I haven't seen my family in over a two months so I'm gonna head home for the weekend."

"Oh, cool," he unhappily uttered , "I'll see you Monday?"

As I nodded I said,"Don't forget chapter eight questions are due."

"I know, I already started them."

Stopping at the Volvo, I opened the door, throwing my book bag inside.

As I turned Brandon was standing closer, in my personal bubble. I wasn't sure if I could get angry with him, even if I was uncomfortable.

"See ya soon," he said when he leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.

"Bye," I muttered, completely confused.

Driving home, I wondered what that was about? Did he see us as more than we were? He's been so nice to me how am I going to let him down easily? I rattled my brain with this dilemma on the entire four hour drive home. I arrived in Forks at nine, hastily I greeted my family and headed off to bed.

The following morning, I got a text from Rachel about going to Emily's this afternoon. I had to, I hadn't seen them in so long either. Hurriedly, I got dressed and talked to Rosalie about taking Lilly with me. She was a good excuse to leave early in case things became too uncomfortable. Since breaking it off with Jake, I wasn't sure how the pack imprints' would deal with me, and Leah too.

After spending the morning with my family I went to look for Lilly who was in her room, coloring. She was so like Alice with her art and Auntie Rose with her temper.

"Come on Lilly we're going to go see Emily and Leah!" I told her so excitingly.

Flying to her feet, eagerly she asked, "Will Seth be there!"

"I don't think so…" very ruefully I said sorry, "He's at work Lils, you'll see him tonight."

Walking into Leah's home there were three children that greeted Lilly and I. Lelah, Kai and Sam Jr. Emily embraced me in the same comforting way as always. Sam was at the sports store and Leah was already waiting in the kitchen.

"Kai, Kai!" Lilly shouted," Nessie got me paint to play wif!"

"Yay!" Kai shouted so loudly. The two girls fit together perfectly the way Claire and I did when I was younger but soon Lilly would out grow Kai. It was almost sad to think about. After saying my hello's Emily and Leah. Eventually, Rach and Kim arrived. We all sat at the dining table talking about my schooling, my disappearance to Russia and I prayed they wouldn't bring up my relationship to Jake.

Of course, Rachel brought up Jacob. "Ness, how's that brother of mine?"

"Not sure, I haven't talked to him in a while." _Eight days to be exact._

"I heard you broke up with him?" Leah snapped. The way she spoke to me was like shoving a dagger in my side, it hurt my feelings.

"Yeah," I replied closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose. Another head ache is coming my way.

"What for? He loves you so much," Rachel asked. When I looked up to her, her expression was literally upset.

Pleading with her, I had to tell her why I had broken it off. "He imprinted Rach."

To my dismay she retorted unhappily, "So? And that upsets you."

"She doesn't know who," Leah furthered the dagger in my side once again with her harshness.

Kim leaned closer to me from my right and placed her hand on my shoulder stating, "Renesmee, you should talk to him about the imprinting."

"But he imprinted on my mother," I whined, slamming my hands on the table.

Leah rolled her eye at me, "NO, He didn't."

"But he did imprint?"

Rach cocked her head at me as she said,"I told you he did when I was at the hospital."

"Is she pretty?" I wondered, I some-what wanted to know," How old is she? Where's she from? Who is she if it's not my mother? Tell me, please TELL ME!"

Emily sadly smiled, "We're not a loud to say anything."

"Are you kidding me, he got to you too?" Turning to Rachel I implore more information with my eyes.

"I promised my brother, I'd let him talk to you about it," Rach retorted throwing her hands up as if I was pointing a gun at her.

"I'm bound," Leah muttered.

Turning to Kim, I waited for an answer. Tightly pressing her lips together, I still eyed her.

"I have too much respect for Jacob to go against him," she breathed.

"Apparently she didn't want him," Leah garbled looking away from the table and at the children in the living room.

"How could anyone not want to be with Jacob?"

"You tell me, you broke up with him," Leah said impulsively.

"Can we talk about something other than my personal affairs."

When they all agreed Kim shook excitedly and smiled widely. One of my eyebrows rose up in speculation.

"Well, I have some good news," Kim clapped concurrently as she spoke.

"What?" Emily asked wound up over Kim's excitement.

"I'm pregnant," Kim squealed overjoyed.

I didn't know whether to congratulate Kim or curse God for throwing me into another cruel irony. Rachel turned to me with a concerned illustration on her face. She knew how I felt. Leah had her hands folded her arms as she eyed the floorboards.

"Congrats," Emily said cheery as she got up to hug Kim.

"I thought you didn't want kids?" Leah finally thought out loud.

"Well no, Jared and I didn't, but it just happened."

"Jared excited?" I wondered.

"Ecstatic."

"Congratulations," Leah said dully but you could tell she truly meant it.

Sitting up I walked over to Kim and hugged her, "Aw I'm so happy for you Kim."

"Thanks you guys, I'm so nervous."

I ignored whatever they began to say and excuse myself to the restroom.

It hurt, to think I would have been five months along now. I collected myself and stepped out to find Leah leaning against the wall in front of the bathroom.

Nudging her head she asked,"You doing okay?"

"I'm fine?" I asked puzzled.

"Evidently you're not, you've been in the bathroom for ten minutes."

"I don't know what you're talking about, I was in there a whole two minutes"

"Renesmee, "

"Leah, I-I can't talk about this."

"I some what feel the same?"

"How?" I snapped, she didn't know what it felt like to lose a child, to be barren. To loss the love of your life! Oh, maybe she understood that but not the being barren or losing a child.

"Watching everyone around you get pregnant or having kids hurts," then whispering under her breath she added, " especially the two men you love the most."

"Two?" That was a shock I only thought she had been in love with Sam.

"Ness, my point, I can't have kids."

"Oh."

" I heard you have the same problem and I want you to know, I'm here for you okay?"

"Since when?"

"Since now. Believe it or not, I've love you Ness, you're my family, and even your blood sucking relatives are my family, my distant family, whether I like it or not," she shrugged walking away.

Was Leah actually being nice to me? That was...weird.

Now, was the time to go, I wanted to cry in peace without anyone bothering me. After wo months of healing, the pained memories resurfaced when Kim gave her happy news. I headed out, dropped Lilly off and went home, to Olympia. Crying the whole way home wasn't smart but I wanted to get to my apartment before sundown. I didn't even visit Jacob.

_Chapter 21 preview_

_Our lips crashed together. Now, I was flat on my back with his hand on my neck and the other on my hip. Closing my eyes, I imagined Jacob. As our tongues feuded with one another, his body heat felt so cold to me. Positioned between my legs he began tugging at my shirt. As I inhaled deeply, my eyes flew open. Jacob's scent wasn't there, this wasn't Jacob! What was I doing? _

**ALSO I JUST GOTTA SAY GO LISTEN TO THIS SONG! I have been obsessed with it for the last two months, now it's everywhere all over the TV but I don't care, it's a happy feel good song GO LISTEN! **

_**HOME-the magnetic Zero's**_


	66. Chapter 21 The Inevitable

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I know the last chapter seems like filler and to a certain extent it was, but there was much more happening than you would think. Here's some points I wanted to get across in the last chapter (#1) Ness is trying to function w/o Jacob (#2) She still believes in Lilith's curse, which is why she was researching genetics and secretly applying what she has discovered to her and Jacob's DNA (#3) She finally is getting over the miscarriage, then Kim gives the news of her pregnancy which only slams Ness back down (#4) Leah's trying to be nice to Ness, for whatever reason (#5) Leah is or was in love with two men. We know one of them is Sam but who's the other man?**

**And special Thanks to_:_**

**_ BlackPhoenix-2009 _for always giving me an honest review. ****_JacobAPotte_r for recognizing Renesmee getting slammed back down after she was beginning to pull herself together,_ Rosie Doll Corpse_ for questioning who the other man Leah was in love with,_ Patty(heart)cake_ for always giving me great long reviews, _Randomeow_ for wishing me to have a great vacay, _veraleon_ for begging for more, _luv2beloved_ for reviewing, _ScorpiusRoseLover_ for favorite-ing my story and putting my on favorite author as well as reviewieing, and ****_RandJ4ever_ for favorite-ing my other stories. **

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Chapter 21 The Inevitable

After getting home from my trip to Forks, the guilt complex I already had swelled to double its size. It only grew larger the rest of the week because I didn't stop over to pay Jake a visit. It was a required commitment, that I didn't fill. My greatest endeavor since leaving home, was to learn to live without him, to function properly with him not by my side, to mend myself together after the miscarriage and to find myself. However, all I found was that my heart yearned for him more and more. My reliance on him not once ceased since leaving home. That emptiness was still there, the same sense of purposeless and uncertainty. My security and sense of being vanished when Jake wasn't around. I guess, that's what happens when a person is a constant in your life, like a parent or relative, goes absent from your everyday life. It was inevitable, I had to go and see him as soon as possible.

Hebrew Scripture Class was my last of the week, two hours of class and I could go home and take a nap. The entire week and first hour of my class all I could think about was going back to La Push to see Jacob. Three months have passed since I've seen his beautiful face, to think about it, it's been longer since I have seen his russet fur in his wolf form. I pined for the old times when we had not a care, when being together was simpler than breathing and we hunted for fun. It was amazing how things have changed in the last year. A year ago I was in school, convincing Jacob to go with me to prom because daddy was forcing me to go. A year ago, I didn't even know he loved me.

Sitting at my desk I pulled out a notebook, ready to take notes but wasn't very unsuccessful with it with all my pondering. " There is a strong debate as to whether Lilith ever existed…" my professor stated and finally caught my attention when he mentioned Lilith. We were at last going over the folklore connect to the Torah. Watching my professor, he adjusted his glasses and scratched his gray balding head as he was standing at the podium and continued, "In Genesis, we encounter a brief claim that Adam had a first wife before Eve. This interpretation arises from the two creation stories of Genesis: in Genesis one, man and woman are created at the same time, while in Genesis 2 Adam precedes Eve. This is where the story of Lilith surfaced. How many of you heard of Lilith?"

When the professor asked my hand rose and peering around the room, I noticed I was the only one with a raised hand.

Pointing to me Professor Grier pointed at me saying, "Alright one student, Renesmee what do you know about Lilith?"

"Uhm," I swallowed nervously, "She denied Adam's advances, seeing herself as equal to him. She didn't wish to lie beneath him and essentially she became bored with Adam and his dominance."

"Exactly," he agreed and went further into detail about what had happened for the other students. I knew this story and now wanted to do more research on the demon Lilith. Then the professor continued explaining where she is mentioned in the Torah and Talmud.

"'There goat-demons shall greet each other, and there the lilith shall find rest.' Lilith means the night but is also mentioned and referred to as a screeching owl and lilit means night owl. So she is some-what in the Torah like in this passage, but she is also in Talmudic Tales and Hebrew traditions and folklore. It is cited in the Talmud,"the professor paused reviewing his notes, looking back up to class he continued, " Shabbat 151 says: 'It is forbidden for a man to sleep alone in a house, lest Lilith get hold of him.' Lilith is said to fertilize herself with male sperm to give birth to other demons or to breed with demons in general."

A Student across the room raised her hand and the professor pointed at her giving her the go ahead to asked her question. The slightly obese girl asked, "So what is she? Human or Demon?"

" According to a Hebrew tradition Lilith did not eat of the Tree of the Knowledge. The tree gave the knowledge of Good and Evil, and hence she is immortal, some even say she is a vampire or an incubus."

He didn't know how right he was, how right these legends had to be. It made sense, humanity didn't begin until after Adam and Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge. Death was humanity's punishment for disobeying the one rule God had given Adam and Eve. To think that we were never meant to live the way we do, never meant to feel pain or sadness. All we were ever meant to do was live in pure bliss. Except if I was similar to Lilith therefore, demonic as she. I am immortal so evil must loiter inside me. My thoughts were interrupted as the professors voice became lounder.

"In Jewish Foklore she now rules one of the levels of Hell in the company of Namah, Machlath, and Hurmizah. Her power is over newborn children and women in childbirth. She may take boys up to the eighth day and girls up to the twentieth. They say this is why you should be baptized to keep Lilith away."

Professor continued with other folklore characters but I was stuck on Lilith. Did I need to become baptized to prevent any further destruction in my life, to prevent death of my children that I may or may not be able to have? I was now more lost and confused than ever. What was my purpose on this earth? Wondering about this weighed heavy on my conscious. It brought back memories of me putting my entire family in danger as a young child, for just being who I was,sparking a gigantic collaboration between many vampires, werewolves and my family. All whom, because of me, had their lives at stake. And recently I had put Jacob's life in harms way after I joined the Volturi.

My thoughts evolved from that to the first child I never had the privilege to meet, Joseph, then back to Jacob, again. I started to question the decisions I've made with my life. What was the real reason I moved to Olympia? To learn? To be normal? Let's face it I wasn't normal, I never would be no matter how hard I tried. I told myself I moved to learn to live without Jake but was that the truth? Or was I trying to run from guilt and problems that would never go away?

Walking down the Grand Stairs at school, I ran to the student parking letting the cool air hit my face. Today, was a pretty nice day for March in Washington. The sun was out and no clouds were in the sky, my family was definantly inside today. I got out of class five minutes early and I didn't want to face Brandon and his polite advances, so I quickly ran to the Volvo. I hadn't really talked to Brandon much after he placed the chaste kiss on my cheek. I hoped he could tell my avoidance meant I wasn't on the same boat as he. He was nothing more than a friend that reminded me of my Jacob.

Finally arriving at home, I turned my phone on and read the message I received from Jacob.

- Bon fire 2nite please come Love you

After reading that I checked my messages, listening to my voicemail I was shocked at what I heard, "Hey Ness, it's Leah. I haven't seen you in a while. Just thought I'd let you know there's a Bon Fire tonight at the cliff uhm, hope to see you there. Bye."

That was weird, Leah calling inviting me, wanting to see me? It was nearly three and if I left now I would be in La Push by Seven fifteen. Maybe I would go, I had a longing to see Jacob.

Just as I had that thought there was a knock at my door. Unsure of who it was I took on a readiness attitude and stance as I answered the door. With my hand balled into a fist the door opened, and I was greeted with another surprise.

"Bradon?"

"Hey Ness," he smiled. Handing me my binder he preceded, "you left your notes in my truck."

"Oh, you coulda just given them back on Monday."

"Yeah, I know I wanted to come and see you though, I haven't seen you all week."

I didn't know what to do I couldn't slam the door in his face, so politely I invited him in, "Ah well come in, I was just uh?" not sure what to say I looked over at my kitchen countertop that had dozens of paper and open book strewed across it. I didn't have enough room in my tiny studio apartment, so when I did do school work I pulled up a bar stool and did it there. "…doing some homework," I lied, "I've been so busy with my other classes, I apologize."

"It's fine," he said closing my door.

Standing at the edge of my bed, I shrugged and said, "Well, this is my place."

"It's nice," he said entering my bubble. He had been invading my space way too often.

Sitting at the edge of my bed, I saw him scan my apartment before he sat down next to me. Uncomfortably, I became stiff and I clasped my hands together. I watched the front door, imaging me throwing him through it. I shoke the thought out of my head because this guy was nothing but nice to me and in ten weeks I had known him, he has never been disrespectful towards me or perverted. He was my friend, I liked him for the most part.

At my left, he scooted closer and grabbed my left hand breaking the hold it had on my right. "Renesmee, do you like me?"

Wanting to pull away from his clammy hands I didn't because I couldn't hurt his feelings, looking to him, I saw the odd similarity to Jake. At this moment I hated him for it. "Sure, I do," I answered thinking it was an innocent question. Closing my eyes, I had a mental picture of what Jacob was doing, he was apparently thinking of me since he had texted me not to long ago.

With my lids closed, I smiled, remembering all the experiences and memories I had with Jacob. Canoeing, sleep overs, riding dirtbikes, prom, my first time driving a car, my first kiss, the first time I made love. Seeing Jacob behind my eyelids was the only thing that got me through the day.

Jake placed a small kiss at my neck and I smirked. Wrapping my arms around him, I returned the kiss to his neck. His kissed journeyed up my jaw. Things went to fast. Our lips crashed together. Now, I was flat on my back with his hand on my neck and the other on my hip. Closing my eyes, I still saw Jacob. As our tongues feuded with one another, his body heat felt so cold to me. Positioned between my legs he began tugging at my shirt. As I inhaled deeply, my eyes flew open. Jacob's scent wasn't here, this wasn't Jacob! What was I doing?

Was I that dillusional, to think I was kissing Jacob at this very moment. Placing my hand on his face, I still imagined Jacob.

"Brandon…" I broke our kiss, "Stop, too much."

"What the hell was that?" he asked weirded out.

"What are you talking about?"

"I thought, I just saw, a guy? He looked like me? That was weird."

Playing stupid I asked, "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing, nothing. What time is it?" he inquired as we both sat up on my bed.

"Nearly four," I said zipping my sweater up.

Swiftly, he stood up fixing his shirt and grabbing the keys out of his pocket, "S*** I'm going to be Late for work." _Thank_ _God, he was leaving._

He ran over to the door and quickly turned and placed a kiss on my lips. "See ya later girlfriend."

Then before I could utter a damn word he was gone. Did he just call me girlfriend? I prayed he didn't see us as a couple. Before anything, I went and took a shower. I felt dirty, wrong, quilty. How could I do that to Jacob? I know I broke up with Jake and we were no longer together, but my loyalty was still with him. It was inevitable I was and always be in love with Jacob Black. In the real world, a girl would have no guilt for just kissing a guy but not me, I wasn't normal. _GRRRRR. Why, why am I stuck on Jacob!_

**(Jacob's POV)**

Pulling up to my tiny red house, I saw Bella's car parked next to my father's truck. I thought getting off of work early meant I would have a nice relaxing Friday afternoon to myself before going to the bon fire. When I put the Rabbit in park, I saw Bella get out of the car and walked at a humans pace to my own car. Before, she reached my car I sent off a text to Ness begging her to come to the bon fire. I wanted to see her. In the three months I had to endure without her, sucked. I think I was literally wasting away, the feeling of my happiness drained each day I went without her.

Leah, showed me Ness when we both phased at the same time but it didn't give much detail except the fact that she knew I imprinted and that she believed it was Bella. Which shocked me because with all the information she had about with werewolves and vampires being sworn enemies, she knew the stench they held she witnessed that when she was pregnant and knowing I've stuck around since her birth, how could she not see that she was my imprint?

Keeping contact over the phone was not ideal, and no longer being her boyfriend crushed my soul but at least she was still in my life. That's all I needed, to know she was safe and sound. I had that much but I knew she was not happy, because I was not content with anything. I tried to tell myslef the more I suffered, I would reap the benefits in the end. I would win her over again, but I was giving her space and time, like she said she needed.

Opening my car door Bella was at my side. Stepping out of my car very short I asked, "What are you doing here?"

"I haven't seen you in so long Jacob," she stated giving me a hug. I weakly returned it.

The sickly sweet scent of her reached my nostrils but I had becomw used to it. Harshly I uttered as I grabbed some paperwork from my car, "I've been busy Bella, I work."

Frowning she says, "Are you angry with me?"

Huffing I turned to her slamming the door of my car, " Ya think?"

Walking to my front door, I unlocked the deadblot and stepped in placing a copy of my closing papers on the shop I had just boughten. I knew she was behind me as I screamed, "You told her about us! I wanted to tell her."

"Jacob, to be honest I was going to tell her about the imprint."

"WHAT!" I shouted again completely furious," You're not supposed to tell her."

I could feel the heat shiver down my spine, I was quivering ready to phase. I went outside just in case I didn't want to phase in the house. I could control myself but this infuriated me so.

"I didn't, I didn't get the chance and half way throught talking to her I-I decided not to because I promised you I wouldn't."

"Bella, you caused an argument that didn't need to happen, she broke up with me becasue of it."

Folding her arms she started to speak her piece."I'm sorry Jake, really I am. I had good intentions. I thought I knew what love was," she calmly taking her eye contact from me to the forest behind my house. She stepped over to her fancy car and turned to me when I asked.

"What are you talking about?"

" I thought I understood love? Jacob she's miserable without you. Worse than I was when Edward left, she was unbearable in Alaska, and now, she can hardly carry a conversation with anyone. She tries very hard to pretend everything is alright but she wants to be with you so bad."

"Then why won't she come home," I asked sadly, " Why is she distancing herself from me?"

"Not just from you, from me too and the rest of the family. She only calls maybe once a week and like I said, she can't carry a conversation. The most I've gotten out of her was, she thinks she can be normal, she says she needs to learn to function without you. This all makes me think, I couldn't make it without Edward, so how is she making it without you?"

"Maybe she doesn't love me as much as I thought?"

"No, she loves you Jake. Jasper used to tell me, he's never felt a love so strong not between him and Alice or me and Edward. He explained it just as you had, if there was an emotion beyond love that's how you feel for her," opening her car door she said,"You have to tell her about the imprint."

"I'm going to the next time I see her," I admitted, " but she's told me before she doesn't want to hear about it, and for some reason I can't go against a simple request as that."

Sitting in her car she explained, " I can't take both of you being depressed. You better figure it out your next move Jake. You both need one another."

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_Chapter 22 preview_

_"I, I don't know. I don't like seeing you with other girls okay?"_

_"And why do you think that is Renesmee?" he implored cocking his head sarcastically. He was wanting me to ponder it, but I knew why, I was jealous. He didn't need to tell me that and I didn't have to think about it._

_Pointing in the direction of the bon fire I instructed, "Return to the party Jake," I finished my statement rolling my eyes and softly hissed , "leave me alone."_

_In a quick instant, Jacob rushed me. Using what reflexes I could I stepped backwards, frightened by his action I crashed my back into a tree. His hands sprang at the side of my face before he pulled our faces intimately together. Watching my hands make contact with his warm firm chest, I pushed aiming to put distant between us. When that failed, I tightly gripped his wrists putting my entire force to remove his hands from my face. I couldn't he was strong. With my eyes securely closed I tried to lower my head to the floor but he had a tight clench on the sides of my head. SO tight that is scared me._

_"Jake," I whimpered slightly frightened by him._

_Using that growling Alpha tone, that turned me on, he ordered, "Look at me Renesmee."_

_Unable to deny his command my vision met his. His eyes were even more beautiful than I remembered. The two tones of brown mixed together reminding me of chocolate suede leather. The light caramel and deep coffee color blended and glowed beautifully in the dim moon light._

_His thumb grazed over my lower lip as I witnessed his eyes scan back and forth between both of my eyes and my lips._

_Here's my Eclipse REVIEW __Alotta Babble about the movie feel free to read or not whatever floats your boat I have some opinions and suggestions._

_I saw Eclipse, and I liked it but I didn't love it, not like I thought I would. I thought Taylor Lautner shined in this movie even more so than in New Moon. I actually jumped when he freaked out on Bella. Everyone else was amazing of course as well. __Everything was good up until the fight scene. _I hate to be critical but I didn't see what I wanted to. For example the scene where Jacob gets angry and cuts himself with knife in chapter ten, Bella freaks then we find out he heals quickly or that Bella didn't see Jacob get hurt in the book but she did in the movie? I didn't like that, also the dialogue at the end between Bella and Jacob bothered me.

_ Here's how I think it shoulda went down-_

_After the fight Edward tells Bella that Jake had been hurt, there should have been a Flashback of what Bella assumed happened then, she should have passed out when she found out Jake had been hurt. (LIKE IN THE BOOK) then the Volturi coming to speak with the Cullen's. Then they kill Bree. Cut to black. (Just like it happened in the movie)_

_Then the next scene should have been Alice and Bella in Bella's room. Bella gets ready to go see Jacob all while Alice is explaining that Jacob was fine and Sam was beginning to trust the Cullen's. Bella see's Charlie before she takes off lying to him about her little visit with Alice. (I thought it was a nice scene that was missing. )Charlie and Bella where he finally eases up on Edward and says he has a feeling he is going to lose his daughter. Then she rushes off to Billy and Jake's (and for theatrical reasons to really see Jake was in pain) his bones are being rebroken again. She hears his shouting. Witnesses Billy and Carlisle's hand shake then she speaks with Jake about their relationship. I wanted to see Bella finally feel and cry over Jacob, to really see her pain and guilt. Jacob being surprised by this causes him to feel guilty as well and talk about the King Solomon and he says, "I'm not going to cut you in half anymore." I thought that was a great analogy to the story. And it should have ended with "I'll be good now."_


	67. Chapter 22 Almost

**Author's Note: In case you haven't caught on, I try to wait for ten reviews until I update, so leave a review and the next chapter will be posted sooner. Just a hint ; )**

**Special Thanks to: luv2beloved, patty(heart)cake, Randomeow, seventeen4ever, veraleeon, Scorpius Rose Lover, Black Phoenix-2009 & Noble Korhedron for reviewing. 96nic-twihard96 for placing my story on story alert and favorite author. Jacobzwyfe for favorite-ing, PassWrit11 for story alert, favorite author, favorite story and reviewing I appreciate all that!**

**Amira for saying that they're addicted to my story and can't stop thinking about it...**

**And with that I must say my job is done… or done well. Oh and there will be another story after I've finished this one. Also I've been forgetting to thank Stephenie Meyer for writing her books and making people read again. SO Thanks Stephenie Meyer.**

**Author's Note #2: Wowwy Wow Wow, this is a long one and I'm rather proud of this chapter. My verbiage isn't up to par but it's better than the last chapter. So in this chapter, Ness is struggling with her independence from Jacob. She really wants to learn to be independent from him before she takes the next step. (Just like any sane person would. I believe every woman should feel independent and know who she is wholly, before ever marrying) Jake plans to tell her about the imprint. Let's see how this goes…**

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Chapter 22 -Almost-

(Still Ness's POV)

There was absolutely no way after that unfulfilling kiss with Brandon, was I going to go another second without seeing Jacob. I had to take a trip to La Push, hunting may be a good idea also. My throat had completely restored itself to its original state and the ache from before my pregnancy was in full swing. My eye color had transformed from their hazel to a deep murky brown. Brandon even noticed my eyes amend to their original state. I had no alibi for him, I enlightened him by saying he was crazy. And as far as going to La Push, Leah invited me therefore, if Jacob asked why I came, that was my excuse. Yes, I knew Jasper asked me not to visit often but I was going to see Jacob not my family. Two times in a month wouldn't make that much of a difference for Alice, would it?

Quickly, I got through my shower after thoroughly scrubbing every inch of my body. The unclean sensation radiated on my lips, I even scrubbed the hell out of them. I couldn't believe I let another's man lips meet mine. As soon as I dried off, I wrapped the tan towel around my body and rummaged through my drawers for the most suitable seducing outfit. As I went through my clothes I laughed to myself, I didn't have any scandalous attire. With not many decisions, I threw on some skinny jeans, a loose fitting navy blue, the lowest cut tee I owned and an old pair of all black chucks Jake had given to me as a gift a few years back. Yes, they were old faded stained onyx Converse but they reminded me of my Jacob._ Everything_ reminded me of my Jacob.

After observing my outfit in the mirror, I put on some moisturizer, chap stick on my raw lips and a coat of mascara. When I stepped back I really saw my reflection and even though my hair was still undone, damp and beginning to wave, for once I didn't look at my image and hate myself. I must say I looked, alive and jovial, more or less. All the weight I gained from my short pregnancy was gone, there was rose in my cheeks again and a twinkle in my eyes that hasn't been there since I could remember and I assumed going to see Jacob was the reason for that. Maybe, just maybe I would get back with Jacob, even if that meant being wounded.

Apprehending such a thing put me back into a deprived state. I actually felt the tips of my lips curve down and the twinkle leave my eyes. Facing Jake was unavoidable and I had to face the fact that his imprint may want him back someday. Truth was, I want him, even if it is for a short time at least I could say he was once mine. Whatever made him happy would make me happy.

On the drive there, I was becoming frantic. While taping my finger on the stearing wheel I kept thinking about seeing him. Did he change, was he any different? Remembering, I couldn't see his face without turning into a senseless idiot, in the weeks after the miscarriage I feared how I would react seeing him now. When I went those weeks without him, he had changed entirely. He held a different persona, with his suit and manicured hair. What if he wasn't my easy going Jacob anymore? As I thought about this, I could feel my weight pressed further back into the seat and I grasped that I was pushing ninety in the Volvo. If I didn't slow down I was almost positively going to be pulled over. Consequently, I slightly eased up on the gas pedal and told myself, _you're going to get there. _

Pulling up to the road near the cliff I became shockingly overwhelmed. As the sun dipped below the horizon, I stared down the road at the dozen of cars that were bathed in an orange light from the sunset. There were more cars than usual, seeing this told me it wasn't a small get together like usual.

Once finding a parking spot, I stepped out of the Volvo. The familiar crispness of the air carried the scent of food grilling over a barbeque and firewood burning. Speedily, I walked in the direction where the bon fires were commonly held. Biting my lip, I became panicky. For what reason, I'm unsure. Perhaps, it was because I was at last going to see Jacob after so long, after losing our Joseph. Stopping dead in my tracks, I shoved my hands into my jean pockets and looked up past the tree tops and at the crescent moon. Pretending the moon rays were courage, I soaked up whatever light would hit me. Taking a deep breath in through my nostrils I thought_, Come what may_. Exhaling through my mouth, I began to walk again.

As I walked up the street, I found the dirt pathway that lead to the cliff, along the way I was talking to myself. If there were in passer by's I was sure to look like a lunatic.

"Hey, Jake," I delicately performed my lines, " Oh, hi Jacob I didn't expect you here." _Stupid of course he was there_. "I missed you Jacob." I shook my head to myself, I was sounding so stupid. " Hi Jake," I attempted again rubbing my forehead. Repetition didn't make any words sound better and nothing that left my mouth sounded right. As I was approaching the flames and tens of people that hung around it, the sweat glands on my palms activated. There was no reason to be uneasy, this was Jacob I was talking about. We had a history and a child between us, I shouldn't be nervous. He loved me.

Strolling along the dirt trail, the clay beneath my feet was soggy from a recent rain. I hung on the outskirts of the party as I searched for Jacob. Before I couldn't spot him, Leah caught sight of me as she walked by. Gleefully she waved me over and gave me a hug. Another odd gesture from Leah sent my head spinning but I took it. I've disconnected myself from everyone and she was the only one who had reached out and been brutally honest with me. I respected her for being honest to a fault.

I voluntarily embraced her back and greeted, "Hi Leah."

"Hey Ness, you look good," she spoke with enthusiasm and validity, "How are you?"

"I'm alright, you?"

"I'm good?" she questioned herself, " I'm glad you came I feel completely ridiculous with all these children around."

We glared out at the crowd, this wasn't your usual bon fire regulars. There were no stories being told, Billy, Sue were absent and Old Quil passed some years ago. I spotted a keg near the grill and kids with red plastic cups. At least there was food and kids weren't just drinking.

"Who are all these people?" I let my query be known.

"Seth invited them from his school and some how kids from the high school heard about it."

"Word got around?"

"Yeah, Jacob's freaking out because everybody's drinking."

" That's understandable," I said remembering the story of his mother," where is he?"

"Over there," she pointed in his direction. And there he was in all his glory, no suit just his jean shorts and a plain sleeveless shirt that exposed his muscular shoulders. Even though I only saw his back, all stress left me body. When he shifted his weight, my stomach clenched and my heart dropped. I could see a girl he was talking to, she was shamelessly flirting. Rage, I felt pure rage.

Leah interjected, "I'll see you later Ness."

"Bye, Leah."

Examining this girl I could tell she was taller than me, younger than me at least physically . She looked to be around sixteen. The dark haired girl stood across from, my Jacob! Or was he her Jacob? The curls that graced her head were beyond perfect. Mine on the other hand had lost its natural curl and it waved and lied spontaneously where it pleased. Gazing at her, I wondered was this Jacob's type and medium height average weight girl with…blue eyes or were they green? Sure the girl was a slight bit over weight but she was pretty nonetheless. How come all the gorgeous girls flock to Jacob when I wasn't around? How could he pretend to be in love with me, when he was passing advances to another woman. Was that his imprint? My shoulders sank in great disappointment. No, there's no way, she was to into him and Leah said his imprint didn't want him. It had to of been momma all signs pointed to Bella.

Watching them interact, enraged me. Was this jealousy? I've never felt green-eyed over anything other than the relationship Jacob and my mother once had. Putting those thoughts back in the box they came out of, I falsely confidently marched up to him. I had to get him to pay close attention to me and not that twelve year old giant. His musk filled all my senses, the scent tingled in my nose and his the mild rust scent of his blood reached my taste buds. Before I spoke a word, I saw his entire body stiffen. He could sense me.

"Hey Jacob," I whispered in his ear from behind. As I placed my hand in his tepid rough masculine hand, I knew the mysteriousness in my voice would drive him crazy. His head twisted around in such rapid and surprised fashion. When he realized it was sincerely me his grip on my hand tightened before his voice shook with an extent of relief, "Ren-es-mee?"

Covering me with his muscular arms he gathered me into a close hug but for some abnormal purpose I could not bring myself to return the hug. Possibly it was from shock of just being in his arms. I haven't been in his warm embrace for over four months. When he released me he looked completely paralyzed with astonishment. Glad that I sent him a bolt from the blue, I planned to offer the biggest brightest smile I could. Instead I bit my lower lip with full anxiety. How did he see me now?

Wrapping my free arm around his neck I pulled him downward to my lips, before his lips made contact with mine, I already felt that spark. When our lips met, it was just as I remembered, pure bliss. I missed it. He hungrily slipped me his tongue and I eagerly took it, before we were so rudely interrupted.

To our right I could hear the girl he was speaking with clear her throat. Jerking my head from Jake I turned to this girl. Moving my arm from around his neck, I rolled my eyes, moving my vision to her direction. I pivoted my heels and angled my head to her not sending a very welcoming smile. It was quite a bitter grin.

"Oh, hi," I smiled placing my hand out, "I'm Ness who are you?" She in gave back the same vinegary smirk and her perfect little curls bounced as she cocked her head and said, "I'm, Katie."

"Ah, well. Nice to meet you, I hope you don't mind if I steal my boyfriend for a second?"

Instantly, her arrogant attitude vanished. "Uh, no. Not, not at all," she stuttered walking away.

As soon as she was out of our line I vision, I turned to Jake and gave him a frown. "Stay away from her," I commanded authoritarian like. Sulking, I started speed walking back to my car.

"What? She-" his voice faded as I made my way down the dirt path that ended at the road.

Hearing his the thudding of his foot prints follow me, he spoke again, "What was that?"

Still making my way down the path, I turned my head as I shouted, "Just shut it Jake!" To my right he took a hold of my arm stopping me." Hey. Stop," he grunted very viciously.

In doing so, I jerked my arm out of his clamp. As I continued to walk, I stared at the ground following the narrow trail. I then started to jog wanting to get away from him. I should have lifted my head and observe the trail ahead because since I did not I ran into him. Standing in front of me, he stopped me a second time. Trying to step around his tall frame, he grabbed my wrist. Snapping my wrist from him I freaked.

" You invited me here why! HUH! So I can be a bystander to your flirting with another girl!"

"No. It wasn't like that I was just talking to her. Now what did that kiss mean? "

"I had to get her away from you, and that was the only way."

"Why though? Why does she have to stay away from me?" he shrugged.

"I, I don't know. I don't like seeing you with other girls okay."

"And why do you think that is Renesmee?" he implored cocking his head sarcastically. He was wanting me to ponder it, but I knew why, I was jealous. He didn't need to tell me that and I didn't have to think about it.

Pointing in the direction of the bon fire I instructed, "Return to the party Jake," I finished my statement rolling my eyes and softly hissed , "leave me alone."

In a quick instant, Jacob rushed me. Using what reflexes I could I stepped backwards, frightened by his action I crashed my back into a tree. His hands sprang at the side of my face before he pulled our faces intimately together. Watching my hands make contact with his warm firm chest, I pushed aimed to put distant between us. When that failed, I tightly gripped his wrists putting my entire force to remove his hands from my face. With my eyes securely closed I tried to lower my head to the floor but he had a tight clench on the sides of my head that is scared me.

"Jake," I whimpered slightly frightened by him.

Using that growling Alpha tone, that turned me on, he ordered, "Look at me Renesmee."

Unable to deny his command my vision met his. His eyes were even more beautiful than I remembered. The two tones of brown mixed together reminding me of chocolate suede leather. The light caramel and deep coffee color blended and glowed beautifully in the dim moon light. His thumb grazed over my lower lip as I witnessed his eyes scan back and forth between both of my eyes and my lips.

Moisture was pooling in places it shouldn't have at the moment, I huffed as my chest rose up and down. A hand went for my long bangs that hid half my face, at last he detached his hands from me and stepped back. When I sighed it was both a sigh of relief and disappointment, I thought he was going to lean forward and place his wet lips to mine. God, knew I needed a sexual release, but I could never give myself to anyone but Jacob.

"Your eyes are so dark, Ness. You need to hunt."

"I don't want to hunt!"

"Here," he said placing his arm as if he was about to donate blood. He clenched his fist letting the blood collect in the pulse points of his arm. At his height his arm was at my eye level. Looking up to him I leaned further back into the tree and denied his offer.

_Stay independent Renesmee, you don't need him or his blood._

Pushing his arm away, when our skin made contact I put my rarely used talent to use,_ "I don't need it."_

Dropping his arm, he fixed his stare on me. His brows hooded over his eyes like a broken canopy and when I looked into his eyes, I could see the reflection of the moon and the green trees. But past those reflecting illustrations I saw his concern. Ashamed at my outbursts I visually examined my shoes. He took one giant step forward his feet were both now in my sight. Softly, he placed his hand on my jaw and I leaned into it, gazing up to him.

"You need to hunt Ness."

Throwing my head back, I looked up at that moon again wanting those moon rays to give me strength and courage. I rested my head against the bark of the tree, still looking to the constellations. In the night sky there were millions of stars. I wished I could see my life as clearly as I could see the stars. Squeezing my eyes closed, I confessed, "I know."

Surprisingly, he placed his hand on my hip and wrapped his other around my waist pressing my back closer to the tree. Not once taking my vision from the sky, I could feel the weight he put against me and I could feel my weight against his hand that was placed at the small of my back. I could hear his heart beat fast and his breathing become shallow. Nimbly he placed a single kiss at my neck. Flabbergasted, my head dropped to meet his still intent gaze.

Staring into each other's eyes, we both swallowed and I saw his adams apple bob. Not a moment later we were attached at the lips. We acted as if we were starved for each other. He leaned forward more thrusting his entire body onto mine. Unable to keep my hands of him any longer, I wrapped my arms around his neck and began biting his bottom lip. Then using less of a desperate action I allowed my tongue to lightly lick his upper lip, so lightly that I saw him gnaw at his upper lip because it must have tickled him.

If it was possible, his arm tightened around me, wanting to draw me closer to his warm body. His other hand pressed my head harder into his lips. Our tongues finally met and after a few minutes of this, I was so out of breath my head became light headed. Him, being so advertent with me pulled away and began sucking on my neck, allowing me to catch my breath. Startlingly Jacob clamped his teeth down into my neck causing me to gasp. As he still kissed at my neck causing my intimate starvation to become out of contol, I was gnawing at his shoulder. Without even realizing it, I sank my teeth into his shoulder. Accidently I bit down so hard that blood seeped between my teeth, into my mouth and touched my tongue sparking an entirely new emotion. Without thinking I went for his jugular and began sucking whatever blood I could to satisfy me.

_As I did so he moaned my name._ When I was done, I left a virtuous kiss over the puncture I had made with my teeth, just as I always have done. He landed one more austere kiss to my lips. I rubbed my forehead into his chest, smiling to myself. With our arms wrapped around one another, he said, "Renesmee, we need to talk."

"About what?" I asked feeling troubled by what he might ask.

"Us."

Moving myself I loosened my arms from around his waist and thought to myself._ No, no he had an imprint!_ And although I was told it wasn't Bella all the signs still pointed to her, my opinion on that hadn't changed. Not only that, I had to remember what aiming to achieve. Independence. I was learning to live without Jake. I had to attain some sense of security on my own. I believe I'm slowly and surely getting over the miscarriage but there wasn't a chance in hell I could get over Jacob if I kept acting a fool throwing myself at him, allowing myself to stay attached to him.

"There's no _us_ Jacob, I'm gonna peace out," I acted so juvenile, trying to act as if I wasn't even fazed by anything. Hurriedly I jogged down the path until I hit the asphalt.

"Let's get back together! Please," he pleaded grabbing my hand, clinging on to it for dear life.

"I-I," stumbling over my words I wanted to have a second chance with him but I NEEDED to be my own person before I gave him my entire self. Once I conquered that, I knew I could live without him, in case his imprint came back into his life and choose to be with him. Not sure how to get out of this mess, I murmured one major lie, "I have a boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?" He stated confused letting my slip my hand from his.

"His name's Brandon."

"Great, Renesmee, wonderful," he gave pure sarcasim, "I don't even know this guy. If he's anything like that Josh guy he's not good enough! I haven't met him, how do I know you're safe?"

Walking to the Volvo, I said out loud, "I'll be fine Jacob."

Making it to the car, I unlocked the door. When I got the door opened, Jake slammed it shut startling me. "Break up with him."

"What?"

"Break it off with this guy, come on Ness I want to be with you."

I tried to get open the car door back up but he blocked me. Angrily I whined, "We weren't meant for each other."

"And how would you know?"

"I just know!" I yelled pushing Jacob out of the way.

"That's it!" He hollered, "Apparently you know something, right?" I didn't answer so he continued, " About the imprinting?"

"Yeah I know a thing or two," I said scornfully opening the car door.

" You know nothing about imprinting," he gritted his teeth as he growled, "but I'm gonna let you know now," he said slamming the car door shut again and moving our bodies to the side of the road.

On the verge of tears, I tried really hard not to let any emotion be shown. "I've told you once before, and I don't want to _ever _have to tell you again, I don't want to hear about it!"

Quietly he stated," Renesmee, I need to tell you e_verything_ about imprinting please, please let me tell you."

Looking at him I shouted in my head wanting him to hear my thoughts,_ JUST LET GO OF ME!_

"Okay I'm sorry," he said throwing his arms up in surrender.

Confused by how he heard me shout out in my mind, I placed my hand firmly over my forehead. _My hands had no contact with him how could he have heard me? __Oh God, did I have another power_? Ignoring what just happened I walked back around the driver's side talking.

" I don't want to hear about it, I've previously told you that."

"I have to tell you, let me tell you. Ask and I'll tell you."

" Ya know what I think of imprinting? IT is completely ridiculous."

"Why is it so ridiculous?"

"Being forced to love someone! You should have the right to choose! What a horrid existence, it's absurd!"

"We're not forced to love Renesmee. Hear me out kay?"

Prying the car door open, I finally got to seat at the driver's seat telling him, "Nope, won't do it Jake, I gotta go."

Placing the keys in the ignition, I reached out to grab the door hand to shut the door. Before I did close it my gaze turned to him. Pleading with me he didn't stop me physically but the pained look on his face did.

"What do you want from me?" he asked shaking his head with clenched fists at his side, " What can I say to make you feel better? About everything."

Gnawing at the inside of my cheek I retorted him with a question, "They said you imprinted and that she didn't want you. Did they lie?" I could see his jaw clench after I asked. I preceded, "Tell me you didn't imprint on some frail _undeserving_ human?"

"They lied…" he said. Slamming the door shut I sped off. I was too scared to hear the entire truth. He was willing to give the whole truth and I ran. Why do I always run?

(Jacob's POV)

Not seeing her was like not having the sun, or air, or food. I lived in a dark room, a hospital to be specific. I had oxygen and an IV to keep me living, but I still lived unconsciously as if I was in a coma. The worst part, she wouldn't allow me to see her or tell her about imprinting. I _almost _got to tell her about it which would make our lives a million times easier.

At this moment, I hate the power she had over me. Usually, I could be care free and careless about obeying her but she wasn't making things easy for us. I would do anything she asked for, anything she absolutely was positive she wanted. She was so set on not knowing about imprinting. So, like a submissive imprinter, I'll give her time and the separation Bella said she needed to become independent. I knew she couldn't live without me for much longer, the way I couldn't live without her. But me being the imprinter meant to satisfy her, even if not telling her about the imprint made her content. I wish she would quit running.

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_Chapter 23 preview_

_"Do you know anything about imprinting?"_

_"No. No one will tell me who he imprinted on, and now I don't know if he imprinted and I don't want to know. I might kill her."_

_"No one's told you a thing?"_

_"Just that he has imprinted and that she didn't want him. Jake said they lied though. Other than that, they won't give me any information about damn imprinting. He ordered everyone to not say utter a word, I don't think he wants me to know."_

_(Billy tells Ness the story of imprinting)_

_"You're story doesn't make me feel any better."_

_"Ness, the point is you needed to hear the story. Jacob's gonna hang me once he finds out I told you."_

_"I won't let him."_

_"You know he loves you, why do you put yourself through hell?"_

_"Because of what happened with Leah and Sam, I don't want to go through that and I don't want Jacob to feel guilt, what if I had the baby and he imprinted? Huh?"_

_"My son's a jack ass." He muttered to himself looking up at the IV bag. I pretended I didn't hear him curse his son, it kind of irritated me._

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Oh the picture on my profile is what I think Ness looks like... No just joking that's me but seriously does anyone have a link or something of what they think Ness will look like, I really want to see who you guys are imagining. There's a link of what I believe she may some-what look like. Except I wish in the pic she didn't look so…O I don't know, OLD?

_Also, I saw Eclipse again, I liked it a tad better but I stand by my review. Also, can not wait for Breaking Dawn, I'm salivating at the moment thinking about it. _


	68. Chapter 23 Becoming Independent

**Author's Note****: This chapter was much to long so I had to split it into two. This will be chapter 23 and the next is chapter 24. I'm not to fond of this chapter but it had to be written.**

**Thanks to: ****Black Phoenix-2009 for another honest review, as well as luv2beloved, randowmeow, veraleeon, Lena0123,Patty(heart)cake , Scorpius Rose Lover , Amira, Rose Doll Corpse for reviewing thanks SO MUCH also, HMC35 for being confused as to what happened to my story and gjmb2000 for reviewing this and my other little story.**

**Here's answers to some questions and comments: ****In the next chapter's things will finally become interesting again. ****Oh we're getting so close to Ness finding out the whole truth of imprinting. Nessie wants to be self-sufficient, but it is a giant struggle for her, we're seeing that. I mean this is Jacob, her unknown imprinter, her soul mate, certainly this will be a tough tussle for her. But SHE IS going to become independent, unlike Bella. This chapter shows that she is finally taking control and when she does defeat her reliance on Jacob (& Brandon) she'll go back to home. Yes she mopes just like Bella did in the Twilight Saga. Let's face it Bella was kinda annoying, and Ness is being that way too. As for Jacob, it's been a struggle. Throughout, the Twilight series we see him very secure with himself, hotheaded, as well as very dominant and now he's submissive? Thus, it is weird seeing him so obedient to Ness. Right? I totally get why this doesn't seem like the Jacob we know and love. We've seen him with Ness when she was young but we haven't seen how he will treat or act with her when she is older, when she's already so defendant about returning the love he feels for her. I guess the way he will ACTUALLY be will remain a mystery until Stephanie Meyer writes a book on these two love birds, if she writes a book… SHE BETTER WRITE A BOOK!**

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-Chapter 22 Finding Independence-

On the way home I cursed myself. What the hell was wrong with me? Being angry with Jacob for talking with a girl was hypocritical of me, since I made out with the unknown aspirant Jacob, name Brandon. I can't keep letting these conflicted feelings between my head and my heart control me any longer. Though, I feel my heart is fully correct, I need to listen to my brain. Where had all my common sense gone? How could I be with a man that was meant for another?

When I stepped through the thresh hold of my apartment, I through my purse to the floor and I plopped straight on my bed. My shoes were still on, along with my clothes. I was too preoccupied with Thinking, to take my garments off. I lied there with my head face down in the pillow while I let my thoughts take over. Deliberations of how to handle these troubles circulated the crevices of my mind. Go home? Stay here? Date Brandon? Be with Jacob? Or don't be with Jacob?

Every misstep I've had made from birth was there. Going to the Volturi, almsot marrying a man I settled for. All were giant errors,that I had brought upon myself, except the miscarriage. With that, I had made it to the point where I wouldn't burst into tears at the sight or sound of a baby. Bringing my hand to my flat stomach I still could imagine what I would have looked like. Me, with a five month swelled belly, my hands gracefully cradling it with Jacob's strong hands over mine as we lied in the bed of our home. Rolling over I released a giant sigh. As far as Jacob, I was still vulnerable and bitter with him being destined to be with his soul mate. And after speaking with Jake tonight, I was even more perplexed than I originally was. It confused me as to whether or not he has imprinted. Was he lying or everyone else? I thought I could trust my family? No doubt, I trusted Jaocb more than anyone lese in this world, so I believe him. He hasn't imprinted on some frail undeserving human. Now I had to find the answer to the question; Do I move on from him or come to terms with the situation? One thing I knew for sure, was I couldn't process things rationally no more, not with him involved. I wanted to function.

Lying in my bed, of my pitch black apartment, I only could think of what an idiot I was had to stop, my self loathing and guilt for every mistake I've made. I was human after all, half, but none the less, I was human. We make mistakes except, I wasn't going to do make stupid errors in my eternal life any longer. I had forever to live and I wasn't going to regret any more choices I made. _This was it, no more._ My first move was to turn my cell phone off, no more contact with Jacob what-so ever. Yes, this was going to be excruciating but I had to quit him cold turkey.

Flipping the lamp on, that rested on my nightstand, I went for my purse. I got up from my bed, to search for where I had tossed it. Not being able to spot it, I opened the green curtains, I used to blackout my room. With more light in the apartment I found the bag under my bed. Grabbing my cell from my handbag , I went to shut it off. Then_ he _crossed my mind. He deserved to know why I was cutting him out of my life. With a strong hold on my cell, I sat there with my leg bouncing uncontrolably. I was in this nervous position a good half hour debating as to whether or not I was prepared to confese to this affectionant man. I decided to make one last phone call to him before he would no longer exist in my world, at least for an indefinite period of time.

As the phone rang on the other end of the receiver, I realized I had no clue what I was going to say or precisely what I would insinuate to Jake. When he did answer, I could hear the panic in his voice, "Ness, it's three in the morning, is something wrong?"

"Oh, no-no nothings wrong. I didn't realize it was this late, or early in the morning. I'm sorry for waking you."

Urgently he responded, "That doesn't matter. Ness, I had something important to tell you and you took off."

"Sorry but listen, don't say anything understand that I do love you. I want you to know I love you with all my heart. To answer your question I want to be with you but I still need time."

With that answer everything seemed clear. The fogged mirror I kept tring to see through was dry and I knew unerringly, how I was going to handle this bewildering state of circumstances.

"More time?" he complained, " Four months isn't long enough?"

Pressing my fingers through my tangled hair I said, "Jake I asked you not to say anything."

"Fine," he answered short. I could tell he was gritting between his teeth as he continued, "I'm not going to be an obedient pup forever."

"Oh-kay, uhm,"I responded puzzled by his comment, " I ought to be able to know who I am, I should have some role in my existence without you, I want to know that's possible. Simply breaking up with you didn't solve anything. Everything in my life is still built up around you and it shouldn't be that way..."

Among my talking Jacob shouted, "BUT IT IS THAT WAY! It will always be that way."

I carried on verbalizing, "…We still talked, you were still in my every thought and all it did was bring on sulking judgments of myself. I don't want to hate myself, I don't want to resent you or be angry with you Jacob because of what might come, what might seperate us. What I'm trying to get at it… I don't want to see you or speak to you or receive any letters or care packages…"

"Ness-"

"This isn't like Alaska okay? This is like when I went to Russia, no contact. It will be best for both of us."

"Damn it! Renesmee is this Brandon guy worth it?"

" It's not about him, this is about me. Just leave me alone for a while. I'll come to you when I'm ready, when I'm secure with myself and the decisions I've made, when I'm comfortable with things that have or will happened with you. Eventually, I can take being second best for you."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I want to be in the band Jacob, even if it means playing second fiddle but not just yet."

" Are you saying we'll never be… us?"

"No, we will be _us, I hope. A_s long as you want me but I need to know that my life can revolve around something other than you. Now I'm going to go, I'll be seeing you."

"But I love you Ness, you're my…"

_Click_. I hung up on him. Clutching the cell in my hand, I wondered if this actually happened? Walking over to the kitchen counter, I place it in the junk drawer with the papers, pens batteries, and phonebooks.

Even though I would have a giant gaping hole in my heart, that did hurt, it was a weight off my shoulders.

The next step was to lift more weight off my shoulders and that was Brandon. I debated as to whether or not I should date him, after all I was trying to move on from Jake. As soon as I returned to school Monday, I agreed to give him a chance. Six days went by and even thought he resmbled Jake, I couldn't see him more than a friend. I knew what I felt for Jake wasn't purely physical. I told Brandon, I saw him as no more than a friend. Remarkabley he concured because he still noticed I looked at him oddly. I explained why I was acted strange, saying that I had baggage, so much baggage that I wasn't allowed on the plane. The fact that I had, had a miscarriage with another man bothered him and he was mildly offended that the only reason I hung around him was because he reminded me of that man. After our short relationship, he didn't make passes at me, subsequent to the information, he actually ignored me outside our required contact and confided in me with other potential girlfriends. My biology research project was nearly done, so after I completed it, I wouldn't see him outside our microbiology class.

April rolled around when Rachel went into labor early. They named her April after the month she was born in. April came into this world eight weeks to early. She has respiratory distress syndrome which causes her to need an aid in breathing. Poor little thing, will be in the neonatal center in Seattle until July. I sent flowers and an apology for my absence. Only to feel more guilty when my mother told me Rachel wanted me to be her god-mother. No, I didn't visit. The risk of seeing Jacob was too high and I had a double shift at work. Taking up more of my time was working at a local coffee place. During spring break I picked up as many shifts as I could to fill my time, so wouldn't have to go home. In early May, I began working so diligently and often that it came to the point where they even offered me a management position. I turned it down. I didn't need more money nor power, I was perfectly content with running the cash register. Along with work taking up my time, I started catechist classes to convert. If this Lilith demon was true, and had power over the life a future child, I wasn't taking any more chances. By the end of this school year I would be baptized, which was a few weeks away.

Now it was the last week of May and I only had three weeks of school left. Also, it was Friday afternoon which was when I called home. The same week I disconnected myself from Jacob was the same I connected a landline to my apartment and left the number unavailable, just so no one could contact me. I made calls to my mother more often than before, I hoped now she knew I wasn't a stranger, I was her daughter.

Placing a call home, the voice on the other end wasn't one I was used to.

"Hello? It this Nessie?" an adolescent voice answered. A more matured voice of my cousin.

"Yes it is."

"Hi, Nessie. Are you coming home?"

Sadly, I replied, "Not just yet."

" But Alice is coming home soon I think? Which means you should be too?" she questioned.

She was still so unsure about her intuitions, but she was spot on with things in the past. Now, I know I'd be home in next to no time and Alice was to come home sometime in the future. "Lilly have you told anyone that?" I wondered.

"No. No one listens to me, only you do."

"I believe you Lils, and I'll come home as soon as I can. Now, can you get auntie Bella for me?"

After a muffled crackly noise, you could hear Lilly running through the house calling, "Auntie Bella, Auntie Bella! Phone! Phone! Phone!"

"Hello?"

"Hi momma," I greeted cheery. I missed my mother, I loved talking to her.

"Hey Nudge," her pitch heightened when she said my nickname, " how are you?"

"I'm doing really good. Oh, they tried to give me a raise at work again."

"I hope you didn't take it, you're supposed to quit," she said in her knowing tone. Momma wanted me to quit and head home after the semester was over, I was still undecided.

"Ma?" I pleaded. I wasn't in the mood for a guilt trip.

" I want you to come home, I miss you. We all miss you."

"Soon, mom I promise I'll come see you soon."

"No, I don't want just a visit you should be back permanently."

"When school's out, I'll decide."

After a long awkward pause on booth lines, my mother finally said, " It's nice to talk to you."

"We always talk."

"No, Renesmee you don't, not generally. I used to be the only one who talked. You were always on the other end but you didn't speak. It wasn't until the last couple of months you've been able to hold a conversation with me. We were all worried about you for awhile."

"I didn't mean to worry anyone."

"I know that baby. Now, we haven't talked about school yet, how is that going? Have you made friends?"

"Schools fine, I'm learning a lot," I really was learning but not academically. I was finally learning independence and self reliance. "And I have made friends, some people at work and in my classes. The closest person is Brandon."

"Brandon? Who's Brandon?" she frantically wondered.

"Oh, just some guy that's helped me on my biology project."

Very irate she conveyed, "Are you dating this guy?"

Scowling at why she cared I counterclaimed, "Not really, I wouldn't count the week we dated as anything. At the moment I spend time with him, we kissed a few times but-"

"Renesmee, how could you do that to Jake?"

Flabbergasted by my mother's disapproval I sucked in a breath and used an unruly tone, "I'm not with Jacob. You know I don't like it when you bring him up."

"I know, I know. He's been on my mind lately I'm worried about him, ever since you broke-"

"MOM!"

She didn't say anything for some time. Of course he was on her mind, like his is always on hers. See, just the mention of his name, made me be batty. She kept the annoying ball rolling by saying ," He goes missing for days at a time, no one knows where he goes. It scares me Ness."

"But Seth and Leah…"

"He doesn't phase," she answered my question. I assumed with wolf telepathy they knew where he would be, " He doesn't phase when he leaves. Leah said he hasn't in months. And Billy is really sick there's something wrong with him."

"What's wrong with him?"

"We're not sure but Carlisle can't treat him here he won't go to the hospital until we find Jacob. Is he with you?"

"No, I haven't seen or heard for Jacob in months."

"That explains why he hasn't phased in months, he probably wants his thoughts for himself," she was talking to herself more than me, and it irked me at how well she knew Jacob. "If Jake get's a hold of you let us know?"

"Yeah, I'll be home next weekend."

"Good, I miss you."

"I miss you too momma, tell daddy I love him and miss him."

"I will. I love you Renesmee, more than my own life."

"I love you too momma."

Quickly, I went to the schools office before closing and arranged my finals to be held two weeks early. I, being half vampire, didn't have a difficult time to convince them, I used my charm. I didn't like to do that to get my way but this was an exception. I tried calling Jacob but his cell was off. I wasn't sure if he had ever made it back home. After my finals, school was officially over for me. I took my cell out of the kitchen drawer and turned it on, there was no messages from Jake just everyone else. When I was on the last message Momma said that they found Jacob and Billy was being emitted to Grandpa Carlisle's hospital in Seattle. The same one where April was at the NICU. With great relief I decided I was ready to head home, I had complete control over my emotions now and I was ready to see my Jacob.

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Chapter 24 preview

Billy and Ness talk about imprinting


	69. Chapter 24 A Fate Worst than Death

**Author's Note: Not much to say but...**

**Thanks to: Patty(heart)cake, JacobAPotter, veraleeon, luv2beloved, and SabrinaCullen2010 for reviewing. It puts a smile on my face when I hear that you guys are enjoyong. **** for placing this on story alert, ****Randomeow for sending a PM when my review board wasn't working. ****immortality beloved for favorite-ing the story. Ashlijayne andfor putting it on story alert. Vampxlover story alert and reviewing.**

**In this chapter...**

**We see Ness is independent and now she can function, but as soon as Jacob is thrown back in the mix of things, she if confused again. Even so, she has decided to be with him despite the imprint. _Billy tries to insinuate that Jacob had imprinted on Ness but she's so blinded by her trust in Jacob that she completely denies what she feels. Let's see if she can catch what information Billy is throwing at her. _**

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Chapter 24 A Fate Worse than Death

When I went away to school I left with my heart torn in two, my soul shattered into millions of pieces and my mind frayed with confusion. Now I was coming home with a mended heart a repaired soul and a sane mind. The emotions I felt became manageable and things became understandable, for the most part. After the news that Billy had become ill, the wrench of shame seared at my side, the way a cattleman would brand his cattle. I sought so badly to become my own that, I forgot about the people around me, the ones who loved me and missed me. What if Billy was on his death bed and I hadn't been there to say goodbye? Or if Jacob had become hurt? I don't think I could ever forgive myself, for abandoning them. Listening back at my voicemail and remembering the e-mails I had been sent, it was clear everyone pined to see me. Jake was the only one who hadn't tried to contact me, like I strictly solicited to him. I was glad for that he gave me the space I needed, he respected me.

That burn, from the sear of guilt, at my ribcage speedily healed when I thought about my selfishness with solidarity. It's been so long since, I have been docile with everyone. Usually, I was so set on authority and respect but for once, I was glad that, I was taking control and saying no and doing what I wanted with no consideration for my family, my pack or even, Jake. One good thing was I subsisted without him. When I moved to Alaska I felt the absence of his presence, in Russia I knew I left him behind when I fled to keep him safe, but in Olympia there was that eerie feeling he was always with me. I couldn't explain it, it was like he never left my side even though we were miles apart. During the school week, occasionally, the sense of unoccupied warmth in my soul would depart. But hastily it would return leaving me content.

That's all I sought to know was possible, to be capable of living without Jacob. It was, but I could never have him completely removed from my life. No matter what, I would always need him because of this invisible bond we held. I couldn't explain this connection I had with him but no matter the circumstances I always want him in my life. He promised me this long ago when I had that devastating dream, where I was watching the two children that were unmistakably his kids. The children I assumed were mine, turned out to be his and his imprints _Ugh!_ That memory stung but Jacob was still my Jacob, even if his imprint hated me.

One thing that troubled me was Momma said Leah had informed her that Jacob had relinquish phasing and I suppose all other pack duties. Maybe that's why he stopped phasing so the imprint would eventually wear down? It was a wishful thought. Howbeit, I had to find some way to steer him clear of the problematic event.

On my drive to Seattle, these thoughts circulated and sank in. I was walking through a fog and I didn't know where I was taking my next step. Jacob plainly adored me, and had a hankering for me to be in his life but did I want a relationship or just have him included in my life? I was unsure. It's been an extensive while since I've thought about him so much in depth. To completely honest, I made a conscious effort to keep my thought on imprinting to a minimum.

Half way to Seattle it was all I could think about.

Imprinting, there had to be some way around it, somehow I could break it. I would find a way. But how, how can I break something that was undoubtedly destined to be? Lock him in a basement and never allow him to see the light of day? No, and even in spite of his love for his soul mate, he would love me also. That quite possibly could be enough for me. Second best, _it was enough. _And as sick as it sounded, I would consider sharing him. If he wanted me as a backer, I'd be there.

Little specks of water hit the windshield, as I approached the Seattle skyline. Not only did I have a fresh pair of eyes on the acceptance of Jacob's imprinting in my head, but I prayed Billy, was okay. Stepping out of the Volvo, I jogged through the misty hospital parking lot. Walking through sliding doors of the lobby I caught Rachel and Paul waiting for the elevator.

"Hey Rach!" I called out removing the hoodie from my head. Her and Paul were about to head up to the sixth floor in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. On the way up we had a small conversation and they gave me Billy's room number. When the elevator dinged, I promised I would come see April before I left. Making it to his room, I leaned against the metal door frame to find that he didn't look bad, not like I expected. He hadn't changed much since I left, I or since I was little. The hair on his head was jet black with charcoal gray along his hair line. He's aged well.

Serenely, he sat there in the hospital bed not noticing I was present. When he impatiently began clicking the buttons on the channel changer, I could tell he was frustrated for some reason. Letting out a howling cough, was proof he was in worse shape than I had thought. I was angry that no one had been here with him. Still he didn't notice me, as he flipped the television off as he scratched his nose and took out his oxygen throwing it to his side. That was so like Billy.

Rushing into the room I called, "Hey old man there's a purpose for that." I picked up the oxygen tube and handed it back to him and I asked, "How ya doing?"

"Okay, I guess. I'm officially a weak old man," he smirked putting the oxygen back in his nostrils muttering under his breath, "My time's coming."

When it was securely back in his nostrils I leaned over giving him a hug saying, "Not yet."

I patted him on the back, as I went to sit on the chair next to his bed side.

When he put a cheerful expression on his face I announced, " Billy you're so much stronger than you think."

"I don't know if this will be easy for my kids, having a paraplegic father with extensive medical bills."

Shaking my head, I thought_ I would take care of that, whether he like it or not._ "What do you have?" I asked.

"Double Pneumonia," his voice cracked, " Your grandpa had my lungs drained yesterday."

It was odd how no matter what he said, you listened because he was a governing man, he was chief Billy. Coughing his brains out, I looked for water. There was a pitcher of water and a cup on the food cart that was shoved in the corner. Getting up I poured him a cup, saying, "You'll be fine. You're strong."

Handing him the plastic cup, he smiled to himself and said, "So optimistic, just like Sarah."

My entire life he always verbalized the similarities between me and his late wife. I wonder if seeing me was painful for him? Jacob didn't say too much about her, the story of her death was the last I heard him speak of her. There were no physical resemblances between us but my mannerisms and character traits, reminded Billy of her. He bathed her in such a flawless light, I couldn't see how I was like her. My mother or Esme seemed like a better comparison but I wasn't going argue with him right now. As I became older he mentioned Sarah more often, and I guessed this would continue until his dying day. I constantly felt the need to ask him about her, but I never had the heart to. It would spark his tenderness and I couldn't take it when he looked distraught. Now that I was high on my independent and inconsiderate kick, I was going to ask about her.

Taking notice to the chilly temperature in the room, I grabbed the blanket from his feet and covered him up. Pulling the only chair in the room closer to his bed I asked, "Billy, what was Sarah like? "His strong majestic face turned grave, instantly I felt bad for even asking, but spent my whole life worrying about everyone's feelings and now I was being selfish. Apologetically, I stuttered, "If-if you, don't want to talk about it we don't have to I'm just curious."

Biting his lip, he looked up to me and grinned. "You've seen pictures of her. Green eyes, your jaw line. You could tell Jacob is her son," pulling his arms out from under the cover he continued, " She was set in her ways, some would call it stubborn but she always admitted her mistakes. You know Jacob gets his hot head from his mother," he chuckled," But we rarely witness that from her…" He spoke about her as if she was still living and dead at the same time, using past and present tense. Biting my head I raised my gaze to the flickering light of the bulb.

The flustered edge in his voice bothered me, I could tell he's never gotten over her. "…She was, kind and nurturing and she could take control of a situation and commanded a room if needed. The way she handle things was always so caring and loving, she was the matriarch of our family and she was selfless, like you…" When he said that, my head lowered to his, is shock. With glazed eyes, he redirected his vision away from me. Then he lightly muttered, "She's so much like you."

He described her with so much veneration and the way he held high regards for his deceased wife was proof that he still loved her with all his heart and soul. I was no contrast I saw in how he portrayed her.

"I'm not an altruistic person, I'm actually quite selfish Billy. Ask Jacob."

Crossing his arms, leaning further back into his bed he rotated his head to me again declaring, "He only sees you as a self-sacrificing individual." _I didn't see how. Jacob could have his opinions and I could have mine. _

Changing the subject from his son, I asked_, _"So why didn't you remarry?"

"I could have, but I would always analyzed every woman seeing if they carried a likeliness. After a couple years I –I knew I never want anyone other than my Sarah. "

"You Quileute men are loyal aren't you?"

"Loyal as a dog, or a wolf," he winked. It caused me to grin. Leering back at me he said, " If it wasn't for my kids, I wouldn't have lasted. I've only held on this long because, I need to be sure all my kids are secure, well taken care of and happy."

Rachel was delighted with her life, a new baby and a husband that would take a bullet for her. Rebecca as well. Rach had just informed me on the elevator ride up that Rebecca just found out she was expecting a baby and that she was beyond content living in Hawaii, a literal paradise. Although, there was Jacob. Was he not happy? Was it because his imprint tossed him aside?

Interrupting the conversation I was having with myself in my mind, Billy asked, " Now, did you come all the way down here on my account or do you have another reason?"

"My mother called me, I rescheduled to take my finals early so I could come down here and see you. No one was sure what was wrong and in case you were," I paused then whispered, "_biting the dust_ I wanted to be able to say my goodbye's."

"I appreciate that, soon I will no longer be a burden..."

"No Billy, we love you, you have twenty years left in you, thirty years. Hell! Forty years. You're gonna live to be a over a hundred. Plus you have to wait until your kids are happy and you have to meet your grandkids."

"I have grand kids," he said so sure of himself.

Thinking of this I knew he had one for sure. Holding a finger up I said,"One and she's only a month old," then I corrected myself, "Oh two. Ran into Rach she said Becca's pregnant."

"Yeah she called yesterday," he countered.

"But I meant your sons kids."

"All my kids have kids. I have three grandchildren. Joseph, April and Rach's baby but I'll try and wait until he has more children."

When he finished his statement the nurse came in a hooked him up to an IV for his daily fluids. It was so sweet how he considered Joseph his first grandchild. Hearing Joseph's name no longer sent emotional agonizing pain through my veins; I've laid that unfortunate situation to rest. And the thought of my child's father didn't bring on the effect it used to. I can function without him, if I had to but I didn't want to. No matter where I went he left that strange presence in my heart. I wonder how he was doing?

"Uhm, speaking of, where is your son? Shouldn't he be here?"

"We weren't speaking of him, we were talking about my grandkids but if you must know, he went home to grab a change of clothes this morning. He should be back any minute."

"Oh," I retorted much too fast. Picking at my peeling teal painted finger nails, the memory of him only left a warm sensation in my body. Looking around the hospital room, I started to think about Jacob ending up hurt. What if he had been hurt? I might die if knew he was in the hospital and I couldn't be there for him. Billy interrupted the thoughts I was having, again, saying,"You miss him, don't you?"

"A lot," I nodded.

"He misses you too. When I do see my son, you're all he talks about anymore."

I didn't answer, or even try to. I was staring at the white wall of the hospital room thinking of how different things could have been, if I made different choices. But there was no point in dwelling on the past. I was moving forward, and I would continue to move forward.

"Since he won't say why you two split, may I ask what happened between you two?"

"Sure. Sure. Uhm? To put it simply, I took off. I rather not have him at all if I can't have him forever. I can't lose him," I moaned placing my forehead to the hospital bed. Billy patted my back while I thought about what I had just said. I thought I could be second best? But what I just revealed to Billy was truth, it's what I keep running from. Every time I had I was supposed to face some hard topic, I ran away not wanting to hear the truth.

"You can't lose him? To what?" Billy questioned. As I sat up straight I saw him pressing his eyebrows tightly together. The crease between my brows became so prominent that I felt it.

"His imprint," I whispered resting my elbows on the side of the mattress.

"Do you know anything about imprinting?"

"No," I griped putting my head in my hands, " but I heard one story about it."

"What story?"

My smoldering face was buried in my hands and when I spoke it came out very muffled. "How Leah and Sam were together. And he loved her so much then Sam imprinted on Emily."

"But have you heard the legends?"

"I don't want to hear about them, I think of all the legends and all the things that the pack has to go through _imprinting_ is preposterous. It's a catch twenty-two!" I shouted standing up, then adding, " for me anyways."

Sitting up I grabbed the keys out of my pocket, planning to leave, preparing to run away . But before I could take a single step Billy ordered, "Sit down."

Instantly, I was back in the pleather seat. I thought I would burst into tears, he scared me. I've never seen Billy raise his voice at anyone. His command was familiar, he had done it the way as Jacob has done but Jacob's was so much more prominent, even more masculine and so much more alluring.

"Renesmee, I'm sorry," he asked for forgiveness," I only yell at the people I love, my kids. And I love you like a daughter but these legends are more than just stories or the pack being bound to something they don't wish to be. It's fate, and imprinting is the best thing that could happen to them."

" But losing Jake is…" licking my lips I blurted what I felt out, "a fate worse than death. I tell myself I rather have him in my life than not at all but on the other hand, it would be easier not see him with, not to ever be with him or think I was with him."

"So you know nothing?"

" No one will tell me anything about damn imprinting. He ordered everyone to not say anything, I don't think he wants me to know. He's hiding something from me, I feel it."

Billy then went on about the power of imprinting and the true extent it was. It wasn't something that could be broken, like I hoped, and it was unexplainable phenomenon apparently. He said if they found their imprint, they would no longer date because they would never see anyone other than her. And that made me hopeful because Jacob had never dated another except me but Jacob has told me he didn't imprint. As well as that, they would do anything you say, and Jacob did do anything I said except, whenever I asked him to stay from a patrol he never would. The last one left me fearful for the future. If Jacob had met her and she died, he would want to be dead too.

And with that, I was back in my baffled state of mind, something I worked so hard to get straight.

Sadly I responded to his epic legend, "You're story doesn't make me feel any better."

"Ness, the point is you needed to hear the story. I'm not supposed to say a thing to you, Alpha's order, but you love him and he loves you."

"But what about what happened with Leah and Sam, I don't want to go through that and I don't want Jacob to feel guilt, what if I had the baby and he imprinted? Huh?"

"My son's a jack ass," He muttered to himself looking up at the IV bag. I pretended I didn't hear him curse his son, it kind of irritated me.

" Jacob doesn't do much or go out unless he's with you."

"But one glance of his imprint and he's hooked," I stated petrified yet again on the verge of tears.

"Yes it's true but he only has eyes for you. When you're in a room he doesn't seem to notice the people or things around him, only you."

"But what if one day _she _strolls in to get her car fixed at the shop…"

Cutting me off he said, "Half a loaf is better than no bread at all."

As smart as I thought I was I couldn't process what Billy's idiom meant in this second. Lifting my right leg up, I rested the side of my calf on my knee, and pressed my back further into the uncomfortable stiff chair. I slumped crossing my arms, sulking like the eleven year old I was. I probably appeared like such a slob in this position. I rose an eyebrow at Billy because of his idiom comment. Knowing I was confused, he stated, " Take what you can get."

Everything in my heart says it's me, I'm his imprint, it has to be me but Jacob would never lie to me. Ever. I guess I would go wherever the wind blew me, and if that was in Jake's direction. So be it. If he wants me I'm his, if he doesn't I'll learn to deal with his choice.

Hearing thumping footsteps, I knew the sound of those boots anywhere. Taking a giant gulp, my stomach clenched and my breath hitched. The lump in my throat swelled and I must be sweating bullets in anticipation. Slowly, I brought my eyes to my right to look at him, keeping my head straight. Not being able to see him, I rotated my entire body. Our eyes met and he beamed. I knew my face turned white, because I didn't imagine our paths would cross quite so soon. I never realized how much I did miss him in the last three months until this moment. He looked even more beautiful than I had remembered with his smooth copper skin, shiny dark hair and those light caramel colored eyes. Even the extra stubble on his chin and above his lip was beyond words, I love him everything about him.

Staring at me, Jake showed his bright whites but then held back, tightening his lips covering his teeth. Observing him hold back on that famous grin of his, caused me to die a little inside. He forced his brows up and became very serious. Closing my eyes, I listened and concentrated hard on the heartbeat to my right. It was fast, and slow at the same time and I could hear his breathing.

Re-opening my eyes I sent a remorseful expression to him, but he didn't move and the hard look on his face didn't alter. But his breathing was still steady, his chest rose and fell in a steady pace. Wearing a tight tan colored cotton tee, my eyes traveled lower. _Those abs haven't changed_. When my gaze began to go lower south, although it was in the matter of seconds, I took notice that it was still much too long to be gawking at his physic. Turning my sight away from him, I sucked in a breath recalling the look he had just given me. He's never given me such an expression, like I was an unfamiliar person, like he almost hated me.

Bringing myself to my feet, I faced the chair using my knee to budge the chair back to its original position. When I turned to look at Jacob again his eyes were still locked onto me. He didn't look at Billy, he looked straight at me and never took his eyes away.

"Hi, Renesmee," he said finally relieving his face from anger, giving me the full Jacob grin that caused me to right away be lifted from my despondency.

Then I was well aware that he didn't ask how Billy was doing, he wanted to know about me.

"Hey," I replied unintentionally biting my lips with uneasiness. Nervously I leaned on the counter tapping my fingernail on the tiny countertop in the room.

His eyes looked down to the pattering of my nail against the laminate counter. Like always he gave a simple look and reprimanded it. He used to think it was cute, it reminded him of his mother he said. Maybe he didn't see me that way anymore and his greeting was a polite gesture. Self conscious about my anxious tapping, I pulled my hands around to my back pockets.

Then he asked, "How are you?"

"I'm alright. You?"

Pressing his lips together again, he bobbed his head and his tired voice whispered,"I get by."

Forgetting Billy was in the room, he broke the awkward moment Jacob and I were having.

"Do you two mind chatting outside? The old man needs a nap."

"Sure, sure." Jake and I said in unison.

Jacob for the first time looked over to his sick father and announced, " Rachel and Paul are going to come down from NICU after April falls asleep."

Billy's head dipped up and down as he closed his eyes, bending over I gave Billy a goodbye hug, and grabbed his hand. Looking back at Jake, I noticed he was gaping at me sadly. His lips curves down and his eyebrows lowered. I showed a week smile to my unofficial father and let my thoughts enter his mind, _Feel better Billy._

"See only you," he whispered referring to Jacob unable to take his eyes of me.

_Until you see your grandchildren, kay?_

"I have grandchildren, ones lucky enough to be in heaven with his beautiful grandmother… and my second is two floors up."

_I wish you'd wait until Jacob has kids…that are physically here._

"I didn't say I wouldn't try."

_Feel better dad. _I squeezed his hand and walked past Jacob, not turning back to look at either men.

Walking out the door, the echo of Jacob's voice said "Hey dad I'm going to head off with Ness…"

Stopping I turned to him, stating, "Oh, no Jacob you should spend time with your dad, or Rachel they need you and I have a long drive back to Forks."

"Oh..." he looked down, dissappointed in my words. Rocking back and forth on his heels I watched him place his hands inside his pockets. Blinded by his handsomness before, I observed him closer. This wasn't the man I saw in a slick suit rediating professionalism, maturity and confidence. The deep bags under his eyes were purple, he had stubble because he had put off shaving, the white in his eyes was red lined, his hair undone, and his posture was very unsure. I didn't like seeing him this way, seeing him insecure and practicaly unliving. He literally meant he was getting by.

We both stood in the hallway, outside Billy's room, and for once it was uncomfortable between us. Both of use leaned up against opposite walls as a thirty something year old lady passed by. He didn't see when the lady walked past, she was checking him out. Frowning at her, I stared at the back of her head. But when I looked at him, I knew no woman could help herself.

Still, he wouldn't speak so I decided to break the silence I said,"But do you work tomorrow?"

"It's Saturday I don't have work."

"Then can I come see you tomorrow?" Lightening the mood I fake pouted saying, "The Chevy's sick."

"Yeah of course," he chuckled with his hands still in his pockets. It was cute when he did that.

Slipping my hands into the pockets of my jeans I smiled saying, "Okay, What time?"

"I'll be hangin around the house all day so, whenever you like."

Biting my lip I gazed at my feet and quickly said, "It's a date then."

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Chapter 25 preview

(Jakes POV)

"Renesmee is an amazing person Jacob, you've been in and out of a relationship with her one too many times."

" She keeps pushing me away, I can't pin down the reason either. I don't believe she really wants to be with me."

"Why's that?"

"First off, she has a boyfriend. And she seems unsure about the whole relationship, I mean when she was pregnant, I wanted to buy a house and have her move in with me, I insinuated marriage isn't that enough to prove I'm not going anywhere?"

"Jacob, she's unsure of why you want to be in a relationship with her, she's scared to lose you too. Maybe you should bite the bullet and ask her to marry you."

"I don't think I could take it if she said no."

"You could, because any decision she has or will make, you'll always agree. You always have agreed with anything she suggested, even if it brings you misery."

_I'm beginning to get very wound up. (In a good way) All the boring chapters are behind us, this will only become more interesting. At LAST, the excitement is returning because soon the Volturi will be back as well as some old characters. What's to come you may wonder? We'll see who Leah is in love with, there'll be a faceoff, a marriage proposal, the imprinting, the Wawkalak and Bodark might return to the story, maybe a death and Ness will take on a very dominant role, you'll see what I mean. _

**_REMINDER: I update fast if you review sooner…= )_**


	70. Chapter 25 Decision Made

**Author's note: I'm kinda losing steam here. I've been outta town, the heat makes me tired, I start a full time externship next week and not sure when I'll be updating. Also, I can't make this chapter work right, I've been writing and re-writing this chapter for the last three days and I'm done. So I'm sorry it took so long to update.**

**Thanks to: I had many PM's from several people so thanks for the chat. Also I'd like to thank my reviewers I appreciate it A LOT!**

**Victoia Viper, Musiclovelight93, SoniaBella for favorite-ing and Randomeow, Rosie Doll Corpse, BlackPhoenix-2009, Amira, Verleeon, Gjmb2000, Patty(heart)cake, Dianeygleek, JacobAPotter all for reviewing.**

**More notes:**

**I know I know the imprinting thing is driving people INSANE. To PLEASE you people I re-arrange everything and even though it wasn't I had originally planned I like it, maybe even better than before. So thanks for all you're honesty.**

**The whole with Renesmee is after her miscarriage she stops listening, I really don't know how else to put it. But after a major negative event people stop listening to the people around who love you. I've done it my family members have done it. But I've been focusing too much on her lets how Jacob is handling things…what's he been up to?**

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**Chapter 25- Decision Made-**

(Jacob's POV)

Three months, three long agonizing, extremely excruciating months, I've been without her. That's twelve weeks, two thousand and sixteen hours . The first few days I really thought I could let her go. I went against my better judgment, of arguing and begging for her to stay. I was under some false impression that letting her leave would be effortless. It really did seem simple to let her make a departure from me, knowing she was on a journey for healing. Even though all her resources were here, allowing her to take off, seemed easier because she, even now, wanted to be in a relationship with me, eventually. Every minute that ticked by, I worried about her, I wondered about how she was doing. I missed and starved for her presence.

My dad and Sam said what I was doing was unnatural and idiotic. Paul and Rachel informed me that I was doing the right thing. Only they were familiar with this predicament because, they had gone through what Renesmee and I have. But I was torn. As agitated as I was, I knew she needed space and time but Sam was right, I was going against nature. Not being with her felt abnormal, as if I was walking around with no head, stumbling my way through the days. Instead of picking a side, I agreed with both and handled the situation at hand, my own way.

No, I hadn't spoken with her or made contact, like she wanted, but little did she know, I was around. After the first forty eight hours I couldn't do it, I had to see her, I knew where she was. When I was about to phase to shadow her, it dawned on me that any thoughts I had weren't going to be mine. They would be every pack member's in due course. I couldn't handle that, I had to stop before these thoughts were passed around like a piece of gossip. I just needed time alone. I thought I would give up phase forever like I have before with Bella. Except this wasn't Bella, it was my Nessie. I couldn't give up my Ness. Plus, she said when she felt it was right, we would be together and I would wait an eternity. Damn I'm getting to mushy, _Ugh_!

Every few days, when I could get away from work, I'd take my bike up to Olympia to check up on her make sure she was safe and hoped she was happy. As creepy as it seems, it's the only thing that kept me sane. She seemed like she was handling life outside Forks fine. Better than I wanted her to. Part of me was waiting for her to come home because she was desperate for me, but it never happened.

She apparently had a boyfriend, Brandon. I spotted them together, they got along well. He was shorter than me, thinner than me HELL the brainless fool looked almost exactly like I did, but I was better looking. Hotter, for sure, literally. He was to into his own vanity, that it sickened me. He was complete opposite of what Ness stood for, I couldn't understand what she was thinking being with that guy. But this was Ness trying to see the best in someone. Why would she be in a relationship with a random guy if she was trying to recover from the lost of our son?

Over the months, bits and pieces of her changed. The cute mannerisms were gone and she replaced them with strange ones. She used to tap her finger and bite her nails when bothered, now she would softly pound her fist against her hand or on a surface, like she was banging a gavel during a trial. She didn't frown as often, leaving that adorable crease between her brows. A specific type of scowl held a different emotion each time, anger, confusion, sympathy, sadness and nowadays, she held a blank expression a majority of the time. It drove me insane to see her completely unemotional . Then she would flash a smile, to that nimrod. Part of me was satisfied, within that five seconds, to see her grin even if it was at that kid. After, a vacant glower would return pleading for me to kiss that dead gaze away.

Her nose was in a book non-stop, or she was studying with that idiot. It took everything in my power to not walk over there and smash his head into the table, for sitting to close to her. One thing that bothered me even more, was she worked at a coffee place, quite often, too often. It wasn't healthy for her to disconnect from her family so drastically.

After stocking her for the day, I'd park my bike off in the middle of the woods, phase for the night and sleep. Before the sun rose, I would get up, check on her, if I had time I'd make sure she got to school and I would go back to La Push for work. It wasn't ideal but it filled a deep void in my soul. I knew she was safe and each time I saw her she was _okay._ And for now it was fine.

When she gave up staying in touch with me, I limited the contact I had with my family and pack. The one person I did see was my dad. Somehow our conversations always started innocently and ended with Renesmee. Even Charlie asked me for updates on her, but I couldn't give him accurate data about her, I'd always tell him the basics like "she's safe ," or "I'm not sure ask Bella."

Charlie was beginning to see the connection Renesmee and I had together. Bella told him about the miscarriage and that I was the father but he still couldn't place the intense feelings we held for each other. The week following Renesmee's move to Olympia, Charlie came over for game night with my dad, Paul, Seth and me. When we were both in the kitchen he told me, " She's been in love with you since, I can remember. Since she was able to talk? It doesn't make sense for her to want to move away." I agreed with him of course and he again brought up the powerful bond we had with each other. He stopped by the shop once, to visit, talk cars and to notify me about Bella flipping out over Ness dating some guy. "Jacob there's no better kid than you for my granddaughter. You should call her," was how he left the conversation. Him and my dad must have been gossiping like two teenage girls.

Talking to him made me feel stupid, I was being stupid trying to stay away from everyone and everything I was. During one of my trips to Olympia, I found out my dad had been sick for awhile and he wouldn't go to the hospital until I was home. So, I cut my stay in Olympia short and called telling him I'd meet him at the hospital. There, is where I finally came within five feet of her, the first time since March.

Seeing her, tensed up my entire body and left me sore. Like I was just shocked with a defibrillator, it hurt like hell but it kept my heart beating. As I smiled at her, in that exact moment, I knew I was angry with her. As infuriated I was, at the same time I loved her for trying to be her own person. There was an attractiveness about the independence she searched for, but that made me feel inferior. Like, I wasn't enough as if I couldn't take care of her. It's what made me want to buy a business, keep my mind off that and the fact that we had lost our first child. I knew I was good enough but it made me think she didn't believe I could support her or take care of her. Part of me had to prove that.

We had one of the most unnerving conversations ever. It was brief and as soon as I got to my father's room, she was leaving. At least she wanted to see me tomorrow. Slowly stepping into my father's room, I could see him eyeing me. I wondered what they were talking about for him to look at me baffled and annoyed. Pressed brows and a hard expression.

"How you feeling?" I questioned leaning up against the white walls of the hospital room. After the few hour drive to La Push and back here to Seattle, I didn't feel like sitting.

"Fine," he quickly replied irritated. He stopped looking at me, sat up straight and flipped the television on pretending to ignore me.

Rolling my eyes, I talked to him anyways. "What'd you speak with Ness about?"

And with the same attitude he responded, "Stuff…"

I couldn't believe he was acting childish, and me being no better than him, I returned my father's bitter attitude with calm rage, expressing, "What _stuff_?"

"Stuff you should have told her about long ago..." he spat back calmly.

Leaning away from the wall I stepped closer to the side of his bed. Snatching the remote from his hands, I shut the tv off. When he went to retrieve it, I decided on tossing the changer to the other side of the room where he couldn't get it. Through gritted teeth I said, "What _exactly_, did you _enlighten_ her about?"

Shocked by my action, my dad used his hands pressing his body up and angling himself to me.

The burn was beginning to flow down my spine, I was becoming furious. My dad was always the calm type, never shouted unless he needed to and as I examined him CALM himself, I saw how I should act. I've always been short tempered and I never knew why. I blame it on uncontrollable raging wolf hormones.

"Imprinting," my dad stated, "Why haven't you told her? You should have told right now. Instead, you stood there like an idiot responding with one word sentences."

I put my emotions in check, inhaled and acted like an adult. Collecting the remote from the corner of the room, I handed it back to him. When he grabbed it from me, he set it at his side and kept his eye on me. The look was one I haven't seen in a very long time, not sense I was about twelve and had used my dad's tools without asking. It was a reprimand without the verbalization.

"I want to tell her I really do," I affirmed walking to the chair Renesmee had been sitting in five minutes ago, "but for some reason I just can't, something stops me I always get so close, but she doesn't want to know."

"Has she told you she doesn't want to know?"

In acknowledgement of his question, I dipped my head up and down.

"That's why you're struggling and that's why as soon as I said the word imprint she was ready to bolt outta here."

Still nodding, I was in a trans staring at the picture of the Seattle skyline on the otherside of the room. I let him continue, " Jacob, you have control over the pack, you're alpha, they listen to you whether they want to or not. In similar ways she has that control over you, and you over her. "

Frowning, I thought about it. It was weird but he was right, she controlled me and I noticed I could control her too. Breathing in, among the god awful scent of the hospital, Ness's smell floated around the room. It was refreshing. With the scent, my thoughts were back on her. The authority we had over one another was something I've never noticed, she always seemed to be in charge. I didn't have to listen to her, I was going to tell her, I tried once before and I WILL do it. We were practically one soul, not two, in my eyes at least. She had to see we were literally, meant for each other, made for one another. I had to tell her, I'm going to tell her tomorrow but then there was that fear about how she would react.

"When I tell her, I don't know how she'll handle it. I can't have her upset with me. Paul was right."

Being cynical my father chuckles, "Paul? When has Paul ever been right about anything?"

"He said after the miscarriage that Ness would never be the same."

My dad knew I became morbid when I talked about the miscarriage. His expression fell and muttered, "I don't see how she's different…"

"Nessie never used to run from things. She's always faced her problems, she went all the way to Italy to keep me safe, she didn't run. Now, anytime things begin to upset her or if she can't handle something, she shuts me out or leaves. She isn't carefree anymore, both of us used to be that way…"

It was because we weren't with each other I knew that, she that but didn't want to admit it. Why wouldn't she admit it? I have to tell her and I have to tell her the right way. As I thought of romantic ways to tell Ness about the imprinting, my dad stayed silent. I figured I was a mans, man, a mechanic who enjoys motorcycles and outdoor activities and I never once thought I'd be the guy doing romantic things for the woman I loved.

"Renesmee is an amazing person Jacob, you've kept her in the dark to long. You've been in and out of a relationship with her one too many times."

"Dad, I know you don't have to tell me twice okay…but I don't believe she really wants to be with _me_."

When I emphasized me, I meant me being a werewolf. That must be the reason. After I told her the truth of why I was werewolf, it had always bothered her that that's why us werewolves existed.

"Why's that?" my father questioned.

"She seems unsure about the whole relationship, I mean when she was pregnant, I wanted to buy a house and have her to move in with me, I insinuated marriage isn't that enough to prove I'm not going anywhere?"

"Jacob, she's unsure of why you want to be in a relationship with her, she doesn't believe you two were meant to be."

"I know," I responded rubbing my face looking at the mud on my boots.

" Maybe, you should bite the bullet and ask her to marry you."

Popping my head up, I decided that was a good decision, the I had a pessimistic idea.

"I don't think I could take it if she said no."

"You could, because any decision she has or will make, you'll always agree. You always have agreed with anything she suggested any simple request, like her not wanting to know about imprinting."

Crap, that was her problem. She thinks I imprinted on someone else, she doesn't know it's her, how can she not see it's her? Why did I forget about that? That's was her problem, that's why she said something about being second fiddle. She'll never be second anything, she'll always be number one.

"I gotta tell her, I feel lost without her. If she says no…"

" She won't. That girl may be half vampire, but she's the one, she loves you. She's a good person Jake, so much like your mother, she'll be an amazing mother. "

Shaking my head, I didn't want to hear it. My dad always pointed things out about the similarities of my mother and Ness. I already knew them, he didn't need to point them out but could I blame him? I would do the same with Renesmee.

"Remember how mom used to tap her index finger when she was annoyed or impatient?"

"I saw her doing that," he witness the action she did. I agreed, she didn't do that weird fist pounding thing, she tapped her finger. It was nice to see her acting like herself.

I smiled, saying, "She does that the same exact way mom did and comforts me, she comforts me as mom did."

"Like I said she's an amazing woman. Son can you do me a favor?" Looking up to him, he half smiled at me and continued to talk. "Rachel brought me a bag clothes and things, it's in the corner over there can you get it?"

"Sure," I complied, sitting up from the chair, grabbing the bag from the corner.

Tossing the old canvas bag to him, I stood at the end of his bed watching him rummage through it.

"I want you to give her something," he said taking out a small wooden box.

"What is that?" I asked stepping over to him.

"Here, take this."

Holding my hand out, he placed the box in my hand. The top had a rose carved into it, my mother's favorite flower. There was a gold hook on the front to keep it shut. Holding it between my thumb and index finger, I examined how tiny it was. (Link on profile)

" I made it for your mother when I was sixteen. Your mother's engagement rings inside, I made both myself."

Opening the lid to the small box, I felt overwhelmed. This was my mother's, the ring and the box. _Why would he give these to me?_ Memories of my mother flooded back and I couldn't think about it. Our family fell apart when mom died, I feel apart thinking about her. Remembering what had happened to her wasn't a good feeling. Trying to hand it back to him I said, "Dad this was moms I can't take it."

"Oh sure you can, give it to Nessie."

"What about Becca and Rach? They're gonna be blue in the face once they find out."

"They're already both married."

I was pacing the room now, with the box firmly gripped in my hand. "Why me?"

" We don't want Rachel and Rebecca fighting over it do we?"

"Guess not."

"Your mother always told me she was going to give it to you anyways, just for that reason. She wanted to give it to you when you decided to get married. She said each time you see it, she hoped you'll remember her, because it was hers and me, cuz I mad it. That ring means the world to me. Only someone like Ness deserves it."

Still pacing, I had made my decision. I'll ask her to marry me, tell her about the imprint and we could live our lives together, we'll have our eternity.

I quit my pacing and turned to my dad, "I think I'm gonna do it."

"It's about damn time."

I shoved the small box in my cargo shorts pocket. I had alot to do alot to plan for tomorrow. How was I going to pull this off, when she is so reluctant. I said, "I'm gonna head home, I'll come by tomorrow."

"Don't worry about it, spend the day with her," he gave me a persmission and approved of a marriage between me and Ness. Looking at him I could tell his prejudice against the Cold Ones were long gone and I was on an adrenaline high.

"Bye dad, thanks."

As I left the hospital room, my dad shouted out, "And tell her about the imprint, that's eating away at her."

Peeking back into the room, I asked my dad's opinion, "Do you think that's why she's been loathing? Angry?"

"Like I said, it's eating away at her."

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**Here's a tid bit of chapter 26 **

"Ness… I don't know how to say this? I don't want you to be upset because it's a good thing. I promise you what I'm about to tell you isn't going to be the end of the world for you. Damn it. I wanted to explain better, I wanted to be better for you, before I said this... Nessie, I imprinted."


	71. Chapter 26 The Whole Truth

**This is a long, long, looooonnnnggggg chapter but it's a good one. Part one of Jacob telling Ness about imprinting! YAY! They're clearing the air. **

_**THANKS TO: **_**JacobAPotter, Resseme, Jn, Randomeow, inomniaperatus2, luv2beloved, and vampxlover, all for reviewing. Also, ****patty(heart)cake, gjmb2000 and veraleeon for sending me a PM review because the review link wasn't working. If it fails again keep tryin. Oh and ****inomniaperatus2 for placing this on author alert, story alert as well as favorite-ing. As weel as, ****insertbrain here for putting this on your favorite stories.**

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**Chapter 26 Part I –The Whole Truth-**

All my brilliant plans to swoon Ness were ruined when I caught scent of vamp's that swept through La Push. The romantic dinner and a movie idea was out the window, but I was glad, there was no originality in that. I really thought I had it all mapped out, but as I patrolled, the idea of how I was going to break the great news to Ness, about the marriage proposal and imprinting, never seemed good enough. All I needed to do was to put in plain words, how much she meant to me. But how could I clarify something that was beyond words? She really had no clue what she is to my soul. In reality, she knew the truth. My girl isn't stupid, she knew but wouldn't admit it. Nor let herself fall for something she longed to be real. If I knew my Nessie like I believed I did, she wouldn't allow herself feel deprived of something that was too good to be true.

She never heard the words leave my lips, we weren't with each other long enough for me to explain the extent of my love and truest emotions toward her. She did not know that she was the only person who could keep me calm when I was prepared to phase or make me feel better in a stressful situation. Whether or not she was physically with me, the image of her face in my head cooled off my hot head. Once upon a time she was the only person in my life that made sense or kept me completely happy. I think now, a piece of my heart was gone with the son we never got to meet.

Besides that, I felt the same about her. I adored how caring she could be, even though I hadn't seen it in months. I love her because she's the mother of my first child and _will_ be the mother of my future children, if she was still capable of such blessings. That and she did what she could to keep me safe not only from the Volturi but from anything else. For example, she was willing to go against her mother to keep me from just getting punched in the face. That showed the extent of her love for me.

Gazing out the open door of the garage, I watched as the million of rain drops hitting the ground. Cloudy and rainy days were Nessie's favorite. Sighing to myself, there was a million and one things I cherished about that woman. Many of them faded after we lost Joseph. I think the thing I missed the most was her ability to be assertive, in a positive way, but like I told my father, presently, all she does is run and hide from the things she needed to face. She's so absolute about not hearing what the truth is and that is something I can't take anymore. The confidence she once held was washed away but I think slowly it will make its appearance again. From what I've seen her nurturing side never went missing, even if she tried her hardest to be heartless and mean. Yet, with her apathetic and impassive tendencies she had a heart of gold. I was just waiting for the storm to pass. All the demeanors of her stability gone but she was responsible and analytical with most situations.

I finished up last night's patrol to find whatever what had been lurking around was gone but I needed the pack to stay on guard. Sam even phased back for the night with Brady and Collin helping me out. I hadn't slept in nearly three days anyways so I had to get some rest. Leah and Seth came early morning, about twilight, and Embry was going to take over with Seth when Leah was ready to go home. I got my sleep but it was noon, I hung out in the garage rebuilding the engine to the Rabbit. I had been driving around a street legal dirt bike for months now and since I was waiting on Ness anyways I began to take the engine apart and drain the oil.

Pondering more ways to propose to Ness, it was difficult to stay focused on my work. Nothing seemed good enough. The rain on the tin roof slowed and I went to the house real quick to grab the engagement ring from my room. I opened the box looking at my mother's ring and smiled sadly to myself. I missed my mother. My dad was dead on when he said she was just like my mother: Her behavior, her attitude and mannerism was nearly exact to Sarah Black's. Ness was the closest thing to a reincarnation. I wish they could have met one another.

Setting the wooden box in my tool box, I thought of recreating a romantic movie for her, but she had so many favorite movies, too many favorite bands, types of music and there was a little known fact that Renesmee wasn't your typical girl. She enjoyed researching things, studying architecture and learning about history. She loved antique stores, home improvements stores and hanging out in the middle of the Hoh Forest observing nature. She was so brilliant and full of random information, that I couldn't get away with something like a proposal. _Wait!_ _She was bringing the Chevy over for a tune up or fix up, maybe I would catch her off guard? Pop the question and spill the truth about imprinting. Yeah, I like that idea the element of surprise would freak Ness out_. Chuckling to myself, I was excited, I was ready. Once, I heard the chugging of her mother's old truck, that was once my father's, my palms began sweating. The pitter pat of her tiny steps hitting the mud outside came closer.

In she walked, pulling the hood of her head, fixing her disheveled hair with one hand. When she looked over at me she squinted and let the crease between her eyebrows soften ans disappear. With her crimson brunette hair hanging past her shoulders, waved and slightly damp from the summer rain, I noticed it had grown longer. The perfect lips on her face were tinted an appealing pink hue and her eyes were a stained deep brown. She needed to hunt, I hated when she would suffer because she assumed hunting bothered me. The truth was if I was in wolf form and starving, I'd eat a deer or elk. That's why most animals were put o n this earth, to eat. Anyways, I had tunnel vision when she stepped in and nothing mattered other than her being here, wanting to be around me.

"Hey," she greeted with a crooked smile and a white bag clenched in her hands.

"Thinking about something?"

"Hey," I saluted back, dropping everything I was doing. The wrench that was in my hand was placed back in my red toolbox and I wiped the grease from my hands on the leg of my khaki cargo pants. Holding the white grease stained bag up she informed, "I brought you a burger."

"Thanks," I smiled grabbing the bag. See she was so thoughtful and must be a mind reader because I was starving. _She should have brought two_.

"I'm sorry I only brought one, I wasn't sure if you ate already?"

"I did but I'm starving still. Thanks Ness."

Sitting on an old car bench seat, I ate and sparked a conversation talking about the weather. She began talking about her memories of me right before she left for Alaska. Ness wasn't allowed to hunt in the rain but she snuck off anyways, making her way to my house and we stood in a summer rain taking in its beauty. Then she appeared twelve, and she said all she remembered was the steam emanating off my skin. We held a conversation for awhile but it wasn't going the direction I wanted. Getting up I threw the garbage from my second lunch in the trash can of the corner of the room.

When I stepped back over fronting Ness, I heard an annoyingly familiar voice. The blurting was directed from the entrance of the pathetic excuse of a garage, "Yo JAKE!"

Turning to the misshapen door, Embry barged in hailing the goddess that stood before us. "Ness! What's up sexy?" he shouted too eagerly, too intended. For a quiet and reserved guy he was awfully keen for Ness. She jumped up from her seat and he jogged over to her wrapping her small frame in a hug that was to intimate for my liking. Friendly, Ness returned the hug with a gigantic smile plastered to her face.

"Embry!" she barked slapping his back as they continued to hug. At long last, Embry released his close hug, bringing his hands down to her waist, were they shouldn't have been resting. It only irritated me more knowing she wasn't letting go of him. With her hands positioned on his shoulders she maintained that grin and said, " I haven't seen you in…Well?" she squeezed one eye thinking and I got to admit, it was the cutest damn thing I've seen her do in months. "Since…? Well, It's been months huh?" she finished.

"It's been to long that's what it's been," he added as he pulled her into another tight hug.

Stepping apart Ness still rested her hand on his bicep looking intently into his eyes and muttering, " I miss all of you."

Her head darted back to me and her face got serious, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news but there's leeches out there, maybe the Volturi or passer bys? Lilly says they're the red eyed people, then she says they're not from here but they're our friends. I'm not precisely, sure but I know there's more than one group."

"Group?" I wondered.

Ness walked closer to me as she nodded her head and spoke, " I had Lils all morning while my family patrolled Forks, it's clear for now."

"We patrolled La Push most of the night. Did Lilly say anything else?" As I talked, we were so close to one another that I could feel the air being released from her nostrils hit my neck. I wanted to lean in and kiss her but the thought of her rejecting me wasn't very appealing.

Thinking back at what we were speaking of, I thought it was nice to have Lilly here since Alice wasn't. But could we really depend on the visions of a year and a half old girl, that appeared to be six or seven? Ness put her faith in her, so I will too.

Ness and I were talking to one another as if Embry wasn't there, then he made a fake cough noise. Her head darted to Embry. "Embry I think you should run a patrol," she ordered the way I would have, the way I already have.

"We've been on it," he retorted.

Renesmee and him were locked in a stare when her head cocked, pointing Embry's way out. Her eyes showed the pathway out. Smirking to myself, I knew what she was doing. She wanted to be alone with me, but Embry hesitated. His averseness sent a growl threw my chest that both of them heard.

"Well man it's nice to have you back-" he meant it but his voice oozed sarcasm, "I'm gonna head out."

"Yeah," I grunted short and annoyed.

Once he was gone, Renessmee made one tiny stride closer to me that sent my heart in a panic. Was this it was she making a move? I was let down when she took my hand and moved the finger nails that was being dug into my palm. I didn't know I was clenching them so tight that my knuckles were as white and creamy as the skin on Ness's chest. I could see down her shirt. Shaking my head, I tried not to look down at the cleavage that showed in her low cut v-neck shirt.

Taking a seat back on the car bench she frowned offended. She placed her feet closely together and folded her arms and began complaining, "Can you be more rude!I mean it's Embry, he's your brother."

Pointing in his direction, I retorted, "I'm not related to him."

"I didn't mean it like that, he's your best friend Jake."

"No, he isn't, you are," I stated abruptly. It caused her to lower her head and fidget with her fingernails and bite at her lower lip. For a while she didn't speak. The truth bit her, she couldn't deny that we were best friends.

I went to grab a wide blade screw driver, and get back to working on my Rabbit. As I sifted through the brand new "o" rings in the tall red Craftsman toolbox, there was the Red Adler wood engagement ring box. My finger grazed the top figuring out how to do this_. Soon, _I thought, _and_ _I should see my dad today, he'll want to hear the 'hopefully' joyous news._

She continued talking to the back of my head, defending Embry with her kind heart, "Jake he is your brother to a certain extent. He's in your pack you shouldn't treat him so rudely."

"I know, I know," I agreed, " but Ness if you only knew," I stumbled with my words as I turned to face her, "he's always liked you. And if you knew the way he thought about you, you would understand."

"I-I?" she stuttered with her hand pressed to the chest I was staring at earlier, shocked at the news.

"What you couldn't tell? He's been lusting after you since we did it," I informed thinking of the first and last time we made love. I couldn't wait until we were married and she and I felt comfortable with being romantic together. Her head shook in confusion, her mouth agape and her eyes wide.

" Telepathy remember? He can see the thoughts of what happened that night in London. He can hear my thoughts like I can hear his, and I'll tell ya the bastard's lucky I haven't murdered him."

Ness pulled her legs up into Indian style and kept fidgeting. She took slight offense because I called him a bastard, Embry in fact had no clue who his dad was. He may very well be my biological half brother, though I doubt it. My father would have never strayed from my mother. Looking at Renesmee, I observed her bothered stiffness and still face. The tiny pale hand with lime green painted nails brushed her bangs out of face and tucked other stray strands behind her ear. Sneering at her, I recall another thing I knew about her, she always had her fingernails painted a bright color never bland colors.

Hurriedly, I decided this was the moment. The precise moment to tell Renesmee everything, I had the adrenaline rush of courage circulating. She would defiantly be inattentive with the situation. I went to grab the engagement ring out of my tool box when in barges Leah saying, "Hey Embry just went on patrol, so I'm gonna go home, get some shut eye."

Although, I didn't loath Leah like I once did, she was currently on my shit list for ruining my burst of courage. Rolling my eyes very short I reciprocated, "Fine, do you have work?"

"Not until tomorrow afternoon."

Leah worked part time at random jobs through the years. Currently, she was part time bank teller at our local Bank of America. She had gone to school for financing but she never really cared much for it, I offered her a spot to handle the finances of the garage I owned. She still hadn't answered and it's been months. Another side job she had was a travel agent, she said she enjoyed sending people off, so they didn't need to worry about the urgency and disappointment of everyday life. She still had a past she had yet gotten over. To this day, Sam and her break up still upsets her and her love for another pack member was disturbing but we all tried to treat her no different than before she developed these feelings. Also her fondness of Ness was beginning to irritate me, Leah tried to give away information that I ordered her not to tell. She was trying to find a way around my gag order.

"Get some rest then patrol until you have to go to work," I ordered agitated with her presence.

"Pull it out Jacob!"

"Leah, shut up and go."

Pushing her perfectly plucked brows together, she snarled at me and looked to Ness saying, "See ya later Ness."

"Bye," Ness waved and Leah skipped off to God knows where. They seemed like good friends now, I wasn't sure if I liked it. Leah returned peeking her head back in the doorframe informing, "Even though you're being an ass, Embry is right, it's nice to have ya back boss."

Standing up Ness shouted, "Bye Leah!" And faintly you could hear Leah say "See ya later."

Lingering around my tool box I took a screw driver and leaned over the side dipping my head underneath the hood and started to tinker with something's absent mindedly. Soon, I could feel a slight weight on my car. I turned my head slightly able to see beneath the end of my hood and through the front wind shield I could tell Ness was resting her shoulder along with the entire side of her body against the driver's side door. My eyes were locked on her still soft flat stomach from the pregnancy. The light pale skin peeking beneath her unusually short shirt and above the button on her low cut jeans was going to be the death of me. What the hell was she trying to do, kill me by getting me hot and bothered. _Where the hell did her hoodie go?_

"When Embry said…' nice to have you back' he meant?" she asked.

Staring at the engine, I leaned up not removing my eyes from the car shamefully declaring, "I haven't been around the pack in a while."

"Why not?" she questioned

"I've been busy…" I started but didn't finish telling her about my stalking, it would probably creep her out. I know it would cause me to think of the person as a cretin.

With the screw driver tightly gripped in my hand, I had a sudden urge to throw the damn thing through the tiny dusty covered window. I was peeved, that this conversation hadn't gone the direction I wanted it to. Unexpectedly, Ness's voice boomed, louder than I've ever heard her scream, "Why would you stop phasing? You know you can't do that! You'll start to age!"

Bugged by Ness's assumption, I went to my toolbox putting the tool away surprisingly, I released the words collectedly, saying, "It would take years before I start aging and I lose all my wolf traits."

"Years?" she wondered trailing me like a little puppy over to my side.

"Yep," I answered looking down at her distraught face and pouty lips.

"Everything?"

"Strength, temperature, telepathy everything involved in becoming a shapeshifter would fade."

"_Everything_?" she repeated.

"All of it," I expressed clearly with my hand gestures, "GONE."

"But…" her breath hitched. Her eyes scanned across the ground with her hand lightly pressed to her temple and her voice made a silent squeaking noise but she caught her breath and continued," Then why would you stop! How could you do that! I don't want you to die, I'm not ready to lose you!"

With her face turning red and tears straying from her eyes I took the tear drops from her cheeks away with my thumbs and pulled her into a hug.

"ShhShhSHHHH calm down Nessie," I comforted feeling her shake like she was shivering cold. I kept stroking her hair and rocking her in my arms, "I haven't stopped phasing."

She firmly pressed her ear to my chest and wrapped her arms around my waist. Gosh, how I missed this feeling. Nuzzling my nose onto the top of her freshly shampooed head, I breathed in smelling an expensive new shampoo. If she only knew what a high I was on right about now.

"Bella says you go missing," she whispered, "and Leah says you stopped phasing."

Instantly, my hands were placed on her shoulders stunned and the tone in my voice held the same emotion, "You're going to listen to that bipolar shewolf over me?"

Stepping back from me, she pushed me annoyed.

In a ruthless swoop she asserted, "You're just bashing your pack left and right, you know Embry is entitled to his own thoughts and Leah may be bitter, but she has the right to be! I would be too if I had to go through what she did! But she would never lie to me! She's the most honest person I know!" her face was still red, except not from an earlier emotion, it was exasperation now.

"Knock it off Ness, my least favorite thing in the world is to argue with you."

An eyebrow of hers raised, and lowered just as fast. Releasing a loud gasp she licked her lips, fighting her urge to continue to argue.

"Now let's get the truck in here, so I can check it out," I said opening the barn like garage door so I could park the front end of Ness's truck in the garage. Handing me the keys Ness continued to follow me like a shadow, I could feel her trailing behind me as she I came closer to the Chevy near the side of my house.

"Are you mad at me?" her voice quivered and the mashing sound pace of her shoes hitting the mud stopped. I couldn't believe she pestered me with a ridiculous question, but when I repeated the words in my head, I knew I was upset with her.

"Yeah I am," I exhaled my answer breathless.

Opening the trucks door, I started the engine and Ness was still questioning me.

"Do hate me?" she wondered making wrinkles in her forehead and securely pressing her lips together anticipating my answer.

Making sure our eyes meet, I took a seat in the truck and said, "I could never hate you, even if I tried but I'm really pissed at what you've put me through."

"Oh…" was all she could reply with.

After pulling the front of the truck in keeping it dry in the shelter of the garage, I cracked the hood open checking out the engine. Everything appeared in place and I rolled under to see if all the parts were in place below. Ness's eyes studied me, the entire time. She stood with her arms crossed watching my every move with a lethargic yet bummed out expression.

"Is she going to survive?" she attempted to sound cheery and playfully.

"There's nothing wrong with her," I informed passing the information along, " but she needs an oil change."

Still under the truck, I asked, "Hand me that pan so it can collect the oil." Within milliseconds the pan glided under the truck to me. I placed it in the spot where the oil would be drained and slid out from underneath the truck.

She was at my side in an instant, clearing away the little oil that splashed on my face with a rag. I felt like a child, she was taking care of me. It was something I could to look forward to. Then she handed the old piece of t-shirt over to me, so I could get the oil of my hands.

Rubbing the cloth across my hands it collected the oil.

"You know you don't need an excuse to come see me," I said smirking at her.

Ignoring my comment she examined, "How are you?"

"I get by," I answered honestly, I was getting by but I wasn't sure how much longer I could live without her being mine.

"Anything new?"

"I own a mechanics shop, we plan on making it a customs shop."

"Wow," she tilted her head stunned, she didn't know that I was sole owner of La Push Body Shop. "Who's we?"

"Seth and me," I stated preparing the truck to be filled with new oil, " Could you hand me the funnel?"

Quickly, she dashed over putting the funnel in the exact spot I wanted. "Custom what?"

"Bikes, cars whatever. Embry's been in welding school and Seth just finished in AA in Business, so he knows all the legal crap." I leaned my elbow against the front of the truck as I waited for the oil to finish draining. She mirrored my position more gracefully, intently hanging on my every word. She hadn't been this way with me in so long our eyes hadn't been locked on one another this way in forever either.

Raising my brows I informed, " I'm still looking for a painter."

Jumping up she excitedly verbalized, "I could do it! Jake, I really could, let me. Please?" she begged and kept babbling, " I could do it, I don't know what I want to do for a career, at least with this I could spend time with you and…"

With my index finger and thumb I clamped her lips shut and said, "Ness, if you really want to I'm fine with that. We have to find you a school or something where you can learn the ins and outs."

With the back of her hand she wiped the invisible oil and grease from her lips and said, "There's an ASE in Seattle."

"I know, I had to get some things from the Automotive Excellence Service place up there."

"Well, I'm sure it'll only be a few weeks before I could be certified as a painter."

"You need proof of two years experience as a car painter."

"And that's why we have Uncle," she started her comment out pleasantly. Her excited articulations fell and she mumbled, " … Jasper."

Remembering Jasper and Alice had been gone for months, she looked as if everything was her fault. She always carried a burden that wasn't hers. Running her fingers through her hair, she stopped at the crown of her head and scratched her scalp in agitation. She sat on the ground and leaned against the bumper of the truck.

Wanting to get her mind of things I sat next to her and kept talking about the shop, " I offered Leah the position to control finances since she went to school for accounting but…I don't know. She says she wants to help and then she doesn't so I don't know what's up with her?"

"Yeah, she's been peculiar."

Gazing at the side of my head I asked something that I had forgotten about, "So how's your boyfriend?"

Her head jerked at me giving me an angry scowl. She snapped defensively, "I don't have a boyfriend."

"What about that guy who looks just like me? Brandon right?"

"He's not my boyfriend… and I don't…" she messed with her fingers and her face had a guilty edge in her cracking voice, " Wait? How did you know he looks like you?"

I didn't reply, I didn't want her to know that I had been following her around. Her being intelligent caught on.

"You've been in Olympia?" she question standing up, " You checked up on me? After I asked you not to have any contact with me."

Looking up to her, I still stayed seated on the ground resting my head against the warm grill.

"I didn't have any contact, but I did check up on you. I can't just completely cut you out of my life, the way you did."

Her tense shoulders fell, she bent her knees and kneeled next to me attentively kept her eyes fixed on me. The warmth of her hand brushed my cheek. Sitting back down next to me she scooted closer facing me watching the side of my face like a television set.

"The thing is Jake, I can't," she confessed, " I NEED you and I-I'm not sure why?"

"Then why would you leave me? Why, when you know you need me?"

Not looking me in the eyes she spoke. "I'm not sure? To clear my head, or at least try too, the only time I can think clearly or feel complete is when you're around. It infuriates me. Maybe it's why to you I came across as content, even though I really, played a stoic role for the past six months."

"Stoic?"

"Yeah stoic," she replied resting her forehead on my shoulder.

"Ness don't use words, I've never heard of before."

"Stoic, is showing little or no emotion."

Unconsciously I wrapped my arm around her and she asked, "How often did you come up?"

"Every few days, I'd go when I could get away from the shop."

Leaning back up she brought herself to her feet. The appearance of her face showed that she became aware of something. I stood up freaked, thinking she knew something about the visitors to Chlallam county.

"What?"

" It's just," she rubbed her arms, " How come I only feel whole when you're around? It's been like that my whole life."

_Should I tell her now?_ She reached for her sweater and put it on_. _I truly felt it was almost right but instead I said, "I'll let you think about that for awhile."

She really knew but let's see if leaving her with her thoughts for a bit would make a light bulb light up in her head.

Removing the pan of oil from underneath the truck, I kept thinking of the perfect words to say but I couldn't. I disposed of it and filled the funnel with new oil when she asked, "Are you still mad at me?"

"No, but don't_ ever_ leave me again," I sternly insinuated.

She giggled wrapping me in a hug as I still let the oil escape from the plastic bottle to the truck. "What's funny?" I asked wrapping my free arms around her.

"Remember when I was so angry that you left me for three days?" I nodded letting the last drops flow from the bottle. "How big of a hypocrite am I?" she wondered.

"A big one," I responded letting her go and throwing the bottle in the trash.

" Though there's a big variation between what I did and what you did," I added.

"And what's the difference Jacob?"

" You wanted to leave," I said slamming the hood shut, " I was unconscious."

Taking her in my arms, I placed a kiss on her forehead and ordered very politely," Never leave me again."

"By no means," she retorted putting her arms underneath mind clenching the cotton fabric of my shirt on my back.

Placing my finger under her chin I forced her to look up at me, "I mean it… next time I won't be so nice…" I used a maudlin expression we both knew well, " Que Quowle."

Squeezing me tighter, she said, "I love you Jacob."

"I love you more…" I talked back kissing the crown of her head. Now was the time I had to do this since our dialogue was going by breezily.

"Remember how you said we weren't meant for each other?"

"Ye-yeah?" she muttered into my collarbone.

"Ness I don't know how to say this?"

"I swear if you imprinted Jacob, UGH it's freaking STUPID!" she yelled pushing me away heading for the door. Clenching at her arm, I thought of how sick I was of chasing her this way.

"Where are you goin?" I demandingly asked.

"I have to go!" she exclaimed yanking at her arm making a good effort to get out of my hold.

I didn't want her to do that she'd hurt herself.

Tugging her back to me I roared at her louder than I've ever shouted, angrier than I've ever been, "Not this time! You're not going anywhere."

"Wanna bet?"

I grabbed her by her shoulders and accidently slammed her back into the side of the Chevy.

Composing herself, she inhaled and exhaled causing her b-sized cup breast to hit my chest.

" Come on Jake," she whined trying to push me as if I was a swinging door that would easily move. Her head stayed lowered, with her palms firmly pressed to my chest, putting her full force against me. When I wouldn't budge she starting hitting my chest with her fist whimpering," Move, move, let me go."

"Sorry, Renesmee."

" I don't want to get mad at you or be upset just give me, give me today. All I wanted was to spend time with you and you're ruining everything."

"I apologize for you feeling that way but we're talking about this."

She tried to move again as I was pinning her against the metal of the truck. "No, I want to go we'll talk about this some other time…"

I covered her mouth with my hand stopping her from saying anything more. The whites of her eyes were bloodshot and tears welled up. She began to breath harder as I told her, "No, not this time Ness I'm sick of this crap, I've been nice and given you what you wanted."

Moving my hand for me, she freaked out,"I never asked for anything!" I let her unyielding words hit me. I've given her everything at my expense.

Mocking her I stated, "Time and space to clear you head." That definantly, shut her up. " Now will you give me what I want?"

Easing up on her I turned wanting to pace but I didn't, I was bolted to the ground and she didn't run like I expected. She too, was stuck. Gnawing at her top lip we stood there for a good few minutes before she hummed, "Yes, what do you want?"

"Pay attention, keep an open mind and listen."

She concurred bowing her head, I grabbed the engagement ring from the tool box and held it tightly with one of my hands.

"I don't want you to be upset because it's a good thing. I promise you what I'm about to tell you isn't going to be the end of the world for you," I started and took ahold of her hand lacing our fingers together, " _Damn it_. I wanted to explain this better."

Eyeing me her breathing was heavy but I kept talking, "I wanted to be better for you, before I said this..." _Just do it Jacob Just DO IT! But she doesn't want to here it. _

My thoughts were recalling the pain we were both in because of this. I had to tell her, F*** it.

"Nessie, I imprinted."

Her jaw dropped and her body started convulsing as if she were about to phase. She let go of my hand and stepped about eight feet away from me. Before she got a chance to run, I said, "Ness one thing I believe, NO I KNOW, is that I want more than anything is for you to be my wife. Marry me."

I opened the box that was in my hand, she watched me as I showed her my mothers ring and removed it from the wood box. She had a hard look on her face and before I had an answer from her I jumped the gun, placing it on her finger. (Ring on Profile)

Tears finally spilled over the rims of her bloodshot eyes as she stared at the ring.

* * *

Chapter 26 part II preview

_"Your mom?" he laughed._

_"Considering your history, it makes sense. It's why you've stuck around her and my family for so long. Ya know us being vampires, you being a werewolf, I know they stink so bad and we're not meant to be on friendly terms."_

_"That's not why I've stuck around."_

_"Every time you were with me, you imagined my mother."_

_"Not once. I always imagined you, and I'll always imagine you."_

**_I'm gonna be mean and wait for 15-20 reviews then I'll post part II. SO START reviewing!_**


	72. Chapter 26 The Whole Truth continued

_AUHTOR'S NOTE: I was thinking I really wish I didn't switch between POV's so much but it is what it is and like I promised after 15-20 reviews I would post. Not as well written as I would have liked but, I promised. So HERE IT IS!_

_Specials thanks to: luv2beloved, lena0123, gjmb2000, ScorpiusRoseLover, JacobAPotter, Ellakeat, Ellaina, amira, PastWrit11, patty(heart)cake, verleeon, inomniaperatus2, SabrinaCullen2010, bobo58373, Randomeow, ernrs, Noble Korhedron for reviewing and Black Phoenix 2009 I always appreciate an honest review and I really hope you can understand that Ness is just a psychotic mess w/o Jacob. Hopefully your frustration with her is because this reason._

* * *

**Chapter 26 -The Whole Truth- continued...**

(Nessie's POV)

My chest tightened as my heart beneath my rib cage furiously, resembling a fist banging on a door. With each beat it left a pain in my collar bone that hurt worse than the thud before. The tightness constricted my breathing making it tricky to let the air leave my lungs. Along with the involuntary spasms, I launched steady pacing and hoped this wasn't a panic attack, it sure as hell felt akin to one. My wheezing turned to heaving and I had a case of serious cottonmouth. My legs were ready to give out and my shoulders and arms felt dead limbs hanging at my side. The adrenaline flash from my rage and puzzlement at what had just happened reached my finger tips.

I leaned my back against the old dilapidated wood preventing me from falling over from the rush of sudden nausea. It swirled about in my stomach and rapidly I could feel my sinuses aching. The sting of tears were threatening to spill out but I held back, sucking in breaths. I was already being a blubbering idiot I wasn't going to let him see me weep over this. I'm stronger than this, I'm independent. I brought my index finger and thumb up to the sensitive skin on the inside of my arms, pinching firmly, so I could focus on the nip of the pinch and not the pain from the recent hearsay Jake gave me.

For a few minutes everything was fine, we were together, we were joking, holding and somewhat of a normal conversation, normal for us anyway. In the months away from him, I assumed I had evolved into this autonomous woman, boy was I wrong. At the sight of his face, sound of his voice, and the scent of his skin, I melted like butter. I was at his ever beck and call. When he needed something I had it within seconds, I wiped the oil from his face for him, I brought him lunch and although I thought I easily lived without him he told me he was in Olympia at least every other day. I left every piece of him in Forks, the pictures of him, the bracelet he had woven for me, my cell was turned off, every little thing he was connected to was not with me, and left in my parent's home. It made me realize that even though I rid of all these things and though I didn't physically see him, I felt his presence that I assumed was the comfort of Brandon. The only reason I felt at ease every other day was because he was bodily near me.

Besides that awareness,it was nice, being with him. After getting Embry to leave and getting over his annoyance with his pack mates, all I could remember was how much I loved him. Being with him was like riding a bike. You could never forget how to ride a bike. The peddles were still there, along with the seat, handles and wheels. Everything was still the same, but after so long without using it now, it was new and exciting. Smiling at one another, we just ogled each others facial appearences, body language and bodies in general. The pupils of his eyes dilated each time he caught site of me, and when he attained that glimmer in his eyes I was relieved he didn't hate me.

We were making a mends, patching up our torn and tattered relationship and he had to go and ruin the entire thing. Yeah, Embry and Leah interrupted dampening the moment but they were gone as soon as they came. Besides that, Jake alone killed the mood by telling me about his imprint, and then asking me to marry him. The entire situation mystified me. Everything I had thought I decided was altered. I really believed I could be with him but why, how could I have a marriage with a man that was meant for another? It just didn't make sense.

Taking a hold of my hand, he glided the frigid ring onto my left ring finger. When he did this, I heard the rain begin to pour down on the thin roof above. As delighted as I pined to be, I could not bring myself to be jubilante, I was troubled. Taking my left hand into my right, I saw how perfect the old piece of jewelery fit, and it felt so right. Now, I was detached from everything at the moment. As I looked at my right bare fingers, I remembered the promise ring Jake had made, had gone missing so long ago.

I was having a vision as Alice would or Lilly, except instead of the future, the history amidst Jacob and I flashed in my head. From the first moment I saw him I in Aunt Roses arms, I was meerly hours alive, I loved him from the moment I saw him. He, taking me on long forbidden hunts in the rain, to my platonic marriage proposal at Grandpa Charlie and Nana Sue's wedding as a child, to our first kiss in my bedroom, him coming to take me home wherer I belonged when I ran off to Russia, the moment I found out I was pregnant, and when I lost our baby Joseph. He was constant, a caonstant that I always taken for granted. Us, felt right, yet the logistics were off. To him, I'm sure, my face appeared blank and withdrawn as I thought about the things on memory lane.

A rough hot touch wrapped around my hand, snapping me out of my daydreaming. He showed me the wood carved box and without thinking I took it examining the wooden cube with my fingertips. When I traced the notches with my fingernail Jake began to tell me where it had came from.

"This was my mother's. Dad made the box when he was sixteen and the ring and he proposed to my mother."

I redirected my fixed stare, maintaining a lowered head. With my head still angled at my hands, I lifted myself from the crutch of the garage's walls peeking at him through my eyelashes. Somehow, I managed to say, "That young?"

"When you know, you know," he said attentively looking into my very spirit. Leaning only his head down, he wanted a better look at me.

" My dad said, my mom wanted me to give it to the girl I planned to marry. He said you're the only girl that deserves it and I agree," he grinned.

Looking back at my hand, I observes his mother's engagement ring. It was intricate, definitely one of a kind. The tiny pearl was pressed into the middle on its own little platform. It wasn't gaudy in a flashy sort of way but mildly ornamental. In the bronze, zig zag patterns were whittled into it. Perhaps it was faded gold, either way it was amazing, completely original and hand made by the man I've always considered my second father, the man who I once openly called dad. It was recycled not going to waste but being given to the woman who only both he, his deceased wife and son, Jacob, felt worthy.

" Jake..." I stuttered stepping around him, to the front of the Chevy. The faded red of the truck had waterstains that turned it a cherry red, the rain wipped away the dust from it since it's been hanging out in the big house's garage for months. Faintly, I could see my reflection in the windshield, as well as Jake's massive silhouette behind me. Shutting my eyelids, I thought back at everything that has happened between us. _Was I ready to be second best? Was this predestined?_

"I, I-I can't," I began faltering taking the ring off my finger putting it back in the box placing it on the hood of my truck. It belonged to his true love, his imprint, only her. It didn't make sense that he imprinted but wanted to marry me. _Should I have said yes? _I really thought I'd be his second, but from what Billy said, Jake actually wanting me for life was unnatural. We would have to literally be together for all of time. Divorce was entirely out of the question for me and it was very much a possibility if his imprint wanted him back. Also, what would happen when he catches word that his imprint has passed? Billy said they would let themselves die. I couldn't' live without him. _Unless, his imprint was immortal like us? He hasn't aged since I was born, if he imprinted long ago, he would have aged along with her._ I thought to myself.

While my mind was racing at a million miles an hour, he was in slow motion. Calmly, snacthed the box from the hood of the truck, clutching it in his hand so distraught. He held onto it for dear life, gaping, practically burning a hole in it. Lifting his head, his eyes pierced through me like a knife cutting and slicing me with guilt. But what do I have to feel guilty for? He was the idiot, he knew why I was turning him down.

Jacob eyebrows hooded lower than ever, giving off a very grave glower. Sedately, he declared, "Then talk to me tell me why? You always said come talk to you, not Bella. Well here I am wanting to hear what you have to say, to know how you feel."

No words could escape my mouth, when I attempted only air went through my vocal chords leaving a weird squeaking noise. Only he was capable of leaving me at a loss of words.

Stepping closer to me, the hook on the box caught my eye. It was firmly still gripped in his hand but he then shoved it in his pocket, when he ordered, "Talk. Just talk. Speak." He didn't use his alpha tone, he was so composed, rare for Jacob. Waiting for an answer, I kept shaking my head wiht my mouth hanging open, yet to able utter a word.

Jake was more commonly like a pot at the burner set on low, he would bubble but never boil over. The only time I've seen him angry was when he had a reason to be. A minute ago he startled me, by tightly gripping my shoulders, shoving me into the truck and covering my mouth. Why was he so antagonized that he had to be vigorous? I can't remember anytime he's been so forceful without reason. Why was he acting that way? Even with his burst of wrath I had so much faith that he wouldn't harm me. How could I be so trusting with him when he could just lie to me about imprinting?

"Why? Why can't we talk?" he begged getting closer.

In that moment, the morose, disheartened, deathly, expression on his face killed me. Now all the tears I held in, were released like an over flowing dam. Zipping my cotton sweater up, I flipped my hoodie on and said, " I don't want to cry anymore."

"You don't have any reason to cry."

Pivoting on my heals, I turned jogging outside into the drizzley weather.

"Ah-thlah chud?" (where are you going!)

"None of your damn business!"

My hoodie fell back from the vampire speed I hardly ever used. I wanted to get away, how was I going to deal with this? Not sure where to go I stopped halfway to the red house, realizing I had to go back and get the key to my truck. Turning back, Jake was already behind me. His shirt was slowly becoming an even darker shade of black when the droplets form the air hit it and his thick hair was turning shiny. His shirt was lose excluding the material at his biceps, frequently he would just tear of the cloth in that area.

"Nessie take this," he shoved the box into my hand and he had that dominating tone, but it was soft and pleading.

Ignoring him I dodged him and sped walked back to the garage, the drops of rain hit my body soaking my clothes. As I trotted into the garage, I didn't look back to him, there was no doubt he was following. I ranted and raved, "I already lost my first child, and I'm not sticking around to give myself wholly and then lose the man I love, to his... FREAKIN soul mate!"

Wanting to hide my tears, I couldn't. When I reached the garage that protected us from the downpour, I halted, quickly rotating direction, and like I assumed I found him right behind me.

" We-we can't be together, we can't be married."

Lightly, he placed his thumb on my chin, bearing my head so close to his face. "Do you not understand what I just told you? Do you know who I imprinted on?" he started out to be serious and it followed with a chuckle, which was infuriated me adding more fuel to the flame.

"This isn't funny!" I shouted stomping over to the driver's side door of the Chevy. He still was grinning like a fool. Was this a joke to him?

"THIS ISN'T FUNNY!" I scrame taking two huge paces nearer to him. As I shouted, I used hand gesterures to show my peeved emotions. " It's best to nip this in the bud and pretend, we never had any kind of relationship, and that we weren't in love."

His face remolded to irritability. Scorning me he kicked the dirt bike stand sternly saying, "You're pissing me off girl, you want me to pretend we didn't have a child, to pretend we don't love each other?" He did all this while the engagement ring box was yet again back in his clutch.

"Jake," I whispered under my breath beseechingly, "We were only together for a few months. How could I even decide to marry you? I thought I would rather have you for a short while or be a backer to_ her_, than never have you at all but I decided if I can't have you forever… I-I, I can't…" I stopped sniveling and trying to control my wheeping. I brushed any tears I could feel on my face, and recited a lie, "I don't want you."

"My Nessie isn't as smart as I thought." He looked amused by my reactions. "You should understand what I'm trying to say, you're brighter than that Renesmee."

His arms reached out for me, but I resisted. However, he managed to kiss me on the forehead and the cheek.

"I don't get why you're doing this?" I cried.

"Can I tell you who I imprinted on?"

"I don't want to know," I said opening the truck door.

"Ness, please let me tell you, just give me permission," he requested an answer. _Why the hell would he need my permission_?_ I ordered him not to tell me that he imprinted in the first place. Didn't I?_

Stepping up into the truck I sat on the old springy bench seat and heard him blurt, " I Love her."

Completely pissed by his outburst, I recipricated retribution," Of course you love her she's just an imprint, you have to love her!"

My head was resting on the large steering wheel, letting the water from my eyes roll down my face. "Come on Billy told you about it," he said placing a warm hand on my back rubbing circles. " He told ya how lucky I am to have this imbedded in my genes."

"You love her, right!" I bawled with my hands clamped down to the steering wheel, "You love her more, than me?" I questioned silently.

"I love her more than life itself."

With my forehead pressed to the steering wheel, I looked over to him interrogating him, "You want to be with her?"

"More than anything in this world."

"Then, go to her, leave me outta your life, quit stringing me along, quit playing games."

With delicacy, Jake scooped me up and removed me from my truck. Setting me on the ground, he shut the truck door and said, "I can never leave you Renesmee."

He who angers you conquers you, and Jake was doing just that. Earlier and now Jacob had some sort of power over me. Hell, if I knew he wanted his boots cleaned, I'd beg him to allow me to lick the dirt from them. But I didn't want to be this way. I retaliated.

"Save your breath Jacob! You belong to her not me!" I spat back to him.

"She belongs with me and I belong to her. I do, that's true."

"Then go to her," I yelled pointing my finger out the garage towards the sprinkling outside. For good measure I added, " But my mom's already taken."

His eyes went wide when he uttered, "Your mom!"

"I thought maybe, you?" I spoke wanting to defend my comment but I was tripping over my tongue, and I was left befuddled. _Did he not imprint on my mother?_ "Didn't you imprint on my mom?"

"Your mom?" he laughed slapping his knee, making feel like a complete idiot.

The line in between my forehead hurt severely from my crying and frowning.

"Considering your history, it makes sense. It's why you've stuck around her and, me and my family for so long. Ya know us being vampires, you being a werewolf, I know they stink so bad. We're not meant to be on friendly terms. "

His arms stretched out and bundled me. He encircled me with comfort, resting his head on the crown of my head. I couldn't help but cry.

"That's not why I've stuck around," he promised.

I put my hands out to his chest, giving it my best shot to keep distance between us. But he wouldn't have that, he pulled us tighter together. Jake constrained my head in his direction, forcing me to look at him. Bursting into more tears, I made it mandatory that I shut me eyes to not look at him. Irately I babbled, "Every time you were with me, you imagined my mother."

"Not once," he spoke confidently into my ear, " I always imagined you, and I'll always imagine you."

Squirming my way out of his tepid envelopment, I crossed my arms feeling the cool air fold around my body. I was deprived of his warm embrace.

It was still raining cats and dogs and I could smell the scent of a summer rain. Now, I wasn't sure what to do so, I went and sat on the front bumper of the truck. Jake followed and I gazed up to him questioning about who he imprinted on, I swore it was my mother.

"You always imagine me?" I retorted, "You're a liar Jacob. It has to be Bella, it must be why you've been around my entire life, it's why you always talk to her, why you always argue with her, it's why my dad bothers you."

Standing before me, he looked down at me as I repositioned myself on the uncomfortable bumber. "Trust me if Bella was my imprint she wouldn't be married to your dad. And Edward can get on my nerves sometimes, because he can read our minds. He knew you lost your virginity to me in London, he knew you were pregnant before we told anyone, _he knew you were my imprint before I had the chance to explain to your mother_. I never let any of those things slip and he already knew, can you imagine why he would bother me?"

Processing what he said I questioned, "What did you say?"

He looked pleased that he let the truth slip.

"It's you Ness."

Now, I had the same emotions as when he told me he imprinted, the loss of breath, beating heart and sweaty palms. Except even though they were the same feelings they felt better. He imprinted on me! ON ME!

"Me?" I pressed both hands into my chest.

"Of course, it's always been you since the day you were born."

"Me? Why-WHY THE HELL haven't you told me!" I wondered sitting up, aggravated grabbing at his t-shirt almost prepared to hurt him.

"We or, I didn't want you to believe, you had an obligation to be with me," he informed with one of his arms around my back, rubbing the small of my back and a hand stroking my hair. Releasing loud whimpers, I sobbed, "You should have told me I've been racking my brains out for over a year, worrying about you leaving me for some other girl. Then to find out you did imprint… "

Hanging on to his tee, he removed his hand from my back then, enfolded his large hands around my wrists.

"I'm sorry," he cut me off," I always wanted to tell you, but I thought I'd let you make up your mind about, how you feel about me , then we'd be married..."

"Why'd you lie?" I asked.

He answered, guiding my arms around his middle. "I never lied to you."

"I asked if you imprinted and you said no."

"You asked if I imprinted on some undeserving human yes," he said with his hands swathing the sides of my face, kissing my forehead," but Ness you're no undeserving human."

Oblivious to my prior impatience with him, I hugged him. As did he, all while running his touch down my sides and over my back. _I forgot how good his touch felt._ I burrowed my face into his firm chest completely roused, provoking my sexual nature. He always roused me. Still running his hands over my back, he placed a small kiss at my neck repeatedly. He brought his head down kissing the center of my collar bone and up the other side of my neck. His arms were big and strong as I recalled, they always held security and calmed me. I wiped my eyes as he continued to kiss my neck. This man was so solid, so reliable, so constant and dependable and now it all made sense. He imprinted on me. He loved me.

Unable to hold back any longer, I stood on my tippy toes finding his mouth. When my lips met his, I couldn't think back at a kiss that felt this good. It was a strange new sensation. This is what it felt like to kiss the man who imprinted on you, to kiss your soul mate. Urgently our tongues met but I cut his kissing short by speaking as we locked lips, "Say it."

"Huh?" he questioned pulling back looking at me.

Repeating I said, "Say it."

"It," he teased.

With heavy breathing, my chest rose and fell quickly and I begged, "NO, say it."

He also panted asking, "Say what?"

"Tell me who you imprinted on."

"Renesmee, I imprinted on you."

"That didn't sound as romantic as I thought it would be."

Putting his lips to my numb mouth, he gave one more electrifying kiss and then said, "I imprinted, on the most beautiful, intelligent, charming, entertaining, caring MOST AMAZING woman that has ever roamed the face of this earth..."

* * *

UNDERSTAND: Basically, what I am trying to show is how CONFUSED Ness is, her heart is saying one thing but she wants to listen to her head. And her head is saying, think about the gravity and truth of the situation. What she knows is Jacob has imprinted, but he has failed to say who because he is still under this sort of imprint spell, where he will do anything she tells him. And one thing she ordered is that he isn't allowed to tell her who he imprinted. When he proposes her head reminds her that he has a true love and she isn't it, no matter how much she wants and feels it is her. When she sees the truth unraveled, she knows she can never be the second best.

* * *

_Chapter 27 preview:_

_Jake and Ness spend the night together, maybe a little lemon IDK you tell me? I'm starting the next chapter from scratch so give some suggestions. But they'll definantely be conversing about the imprinting, there maybe some visitors and they'll find some trouble in the woods. _

_Dun, Dun, Dun! REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW! Let's do the 15-20 reviews and I'll post ASAP._


	73. Chapter 27 A Question I didn't need to

**CHAPTER 27 -A Question, I didn't need to ask-**

A cute smile graced her face, a true genuine grin. I hadn't seen that expression since she was a child. I recall it as if it was merely last week. She was jumping out of a car running to me wrapping her arms around my leg , hoping around in excitement and complaining about the math Edward forced her to do.

But, no longer was she small enough to comfortably hug my legs or me to be able to hold her on my hip like a child. If it is possible I loved her more than then. At this perfect moment, she fit perfectly into my arms, cozily her cheek rested upon the space between my chest and shoulder. She tightened her hold, encompassing me firmly. She was eyeing me, with her grin, then her eyes widened in excitement as she looked up at me. I couldn't help but be amused, I had to smile back. Sometimes, I still saw my little Nessie, this moment she was that kid I remembered but I was in love with the woman she was now.

Uncomfortably, she became stiff in my arms. She nudged away from me , sucking in a breath taking a seat on the dirty ground leaning her back against the front bumper of the Chevy. That quick odd action, rattled my brain. Was she alright?

Taking a seat next to her, I wrapped my right arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to my side.

The rain was falling harder, and the fresh scent of summer rain was all around us. She was rigid with me and then she began quivering as she did earlier, most likely from the shock of the news. In spite of all this, I was unable to read her emotion. Both her legs that were stretched out in front of her were pulled up. She comfortably placed the soles of her shoes flat on the ground. She fidgeted with her hands turning her head away from me.

"Jake, I-I can't even say I love you, cuz?" she stumbled over her words with her eyes on the ground and her whole body shuddering. As she shook her head, her vision then panned between everywhere and everything, excluding me. I gazed upon her face in profile. It held more beauty than I remembered. She had a minor bump on her nose that was unnoticeable unless pointed out, dark circles that attempted to come through her pale skin, purple shaded eyelids, and faint freckles on her cheekbones. These things I noticed were only viewed by the few that have ever came in such close contact to her. I was that lucky to be a witness to her beauty so near. She licked her plump lips wet with saliva, still not looking to me. The splotches of light red over eyes, her nose and above her lip inundated her already flushed face. The pink and red was caused by my teasing. I brushed my hands through her hair for the hell off it , listening to her reason.

I know I should have been upfront, open and honest about the circumstances of the imprint. However, there was still this incredible power over me, she had in her custody. I begged for her to allow me to tell her numerous times, but like I said, the authority she had over me was uncanny. In mild frustration I well-versed my opinion on why her father irritated me. Immediately after, I was pleased with my accidental slip up.

No, she wasn't exactly in high spirits after I let it slither through my teeth. I expected her reaction to be more negative. I don't think she realized, it was about five minutes before she spoke. Her delicate hand uncovered her mouth and both moved to her chest. She simple asked, "Me?" And as quickly as she freaked her backlash was turned to elation, when her lips crashed into mine. For a short while, we kissed and were touching, caressing every publically appropriate place on our bodies. I told her in clear words "Renesmee I imprinted on you." Now we were sitting on the cold soil of my garage resting our backs against the front bumper of her Chevy. Then she says _'she can't say she loves me' ?_ Thinking about those words, my heart was being submerged into a dunk tank of acid. But I listened, all I could do was listen to her explanation for those hurtful words.

"I-I've always felt our relationship was…" she paused one of her miniature sized hand rested across her heart and the other she place on my knee. She turned her head and made eye contact continuing,"… so much more than love. And it all make sense now. This unseen bond we had, that I questioned, accepted and was affected by, was the imprint."

Damn, she felt it before I ever told her, before she ever fully understood our connection.

She tightened her grip on my knee, staring at me. Behind those deep chestnut eyes were mixed emotions of love, lust and a hunger for blood. Two things I could never mistake her showing. After licking her lips, she began sucking on her bottom lip, gazing back and forth amid my eyes and lips. Rotating her shoulders and entire direction of her body to me, she ran her fingers through my hair, while a leg of hers was brought to my lap. I ran my hands up and down her jean covered legs, from her knees to thighs and stopped at her hip bone.

She tugged at the bottom of her shirt letting her v-neck expose the tops of her breasts. I unthinkingly peered down to her chest, seeing it expand and contract with each heavy breath she took. I watched her, lazily fight herself of what she really wanted to do. She was giving clear signs that I have somehow provoked. Before, I knew it, I reacted to her not so subtle erotic codes. My lips were back on hers, the arm I had around her shoulder tightened moving her body closely to mine and the other glided to her back end, that still had dirt clinging to it. Wanting to be gentleman like, I held back the natural animalistic heat I was wanting to comply with. But she responded to her own lascivious thoughts by bringing herself to her knees, never once removed her lips from mine. As her height rose above me, one of her legs was brought over my lap, were she straddled my lap.

As she sucked on my neck, she rested herself cozily on my lap with both legs on each side of my lap.

"I feel the same thing but despite that, I do love you," I whispered into her ear.

Both her hands were on the side of my face when she said, "I love you too." Then she gave me a quick kiss.

Both of us were grinning like fools, I brought my hands to her hips and pressed my forehead to her chest, placing austere kisses on her warm chest. Settling her arms around my neck, she kissed the area beneath my ear and my cheek. Bringing herself to her feet, she wiped the soil from her back pockets and reached her hand out to me, cocking her head smirking, wanting to help me up. When she did so, I instantly pulled her into a compact meaningful embrace, laughing and kissing her repeatedly.

The wood box, in my pocket, that held a very important item felt like an anchor. It weighed heavy and as much as I wanted to give it back to her, I came to the conclusion that I would propose another time. Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow. I thought of countless ways, I'd write an entry into her journal telling her all the reasons I love her, hang the engagement ring from the Christmas tree with a note, invite her outside and write in chalk the question, no that's seven months away. However and whenever I choose to do it, it would be at the opportune time.

"You know for being an intellect, I thought you would have figured all this out a long time ago."

She reached out her hand and placed her palm on my neck, using her power to put her thoughts in my mind. _"Leah, Rach and Kim said you imprinted and failed to say who. Actually, they said you wouldn't allow them to let me in on your little secret. But you told me you didn't imprint and I trust you. I'd believe you over anyone else. Why couldn't you just tell me?"_

She replayed bits and pieces of the conversation she had with the wolf women, followed by every second she could remember being pestered by the thought of imprinting, she sent all sentiments she had at the moments she could recall. I didn't like feeling those exasperated emotions, I caused her.

When she pulled her palm away, the hazy vision blurred back to her face, much like a movie. I was greeted with the articulation of her face, being thwarted and frustrated. I nodded understanding her comment. Binding our fingers together, I stated, "I asked my dad that same question. I don't think you understand the control you have over me. My dad says it's some strange imprint thing, that we control one another. We'll have to talk to him about it."

"We should go see your dad and April," she said purposely and seriously.

"You're right, Rachel said they should be bringing her home in a few days."

Stretching her mouth wide she let out a yawn.

"You tired?" I examined.

"Yeah, " she muttered barely audible under the loud patter of the rain, " I was so keyed up to see you today, that I didn't sleep well last night."

"I had the exact problem. I could use a nap too."

Hand in hand, we ran over to the back porch of my house covering ourselves from the falling rain. When I noticed she wouldn't loosen the clasp of our hands, I just guided her through my house to the bedroom. She giggled along the way.

When we made it to my room she collapsed on my bed, lying on her stomach. As she situated herself I sat next to the bed so our eyes were aligned with one another. I kept petting the crown of her head. For some reason, this afternoon, I couldn't keep my hands of her long wavy locks. She grinned most of the time, as we casually chatted about any subject that popped into our brains. She brought up things, like taking notice to the dream catcher she made for my birthday when she was two years old, the smell of my room, the wolf pack symbol poster she made me while she was in her high school art class and eventually, she drifted off to a light sleep. I removed her shoes and when I took a look at my it was already five o'clock.

As she sleep, I at some point took my eyes from her and looked at the nightstand at the foot of my bed. Technically it was an oversized cot, so it was tinier than a twin but what did I care, I used it for sleep and pleasing Ness once or twice. It was horizontally pressed up against the wall of my rectangular closet of a room. Slowly, I sat up and pulled the engagement ring out of my pocket and placed it at the drawer. Amongst the random crap in the drawer, I found a old familiar leather bound photo album.

I opened the album I reserved strictly for my family. I saw the dozens upon dozens of pictures I had of my immediate family. As I came to the end, there were many with Renesmee. Her, Charlie and my father fishing, her and Bella at Charlie and Sue's wedding, even a picture with Edward and her playing the piano. As I flipped the pages you could see her grow. Illustrations of her became a bit morose but I knew why she was that way, she was dealing with the stress of the damned Italian leeches. Also, a few with the pack and the last was of us hugging on her graduation day.

I couldn't believe I was at this point in my life, where she knew she was my imprint. I thought this day would never come. Setting the album back into the drawer, I shut it as silently as I could and turned to leave the room.

"What are you doing?" a groggy yet velvety voice asked.

I altered my direction and walked to her side. "I thought I'd let you get some sleep, I was gonna take the couch."

"Really?" She raised one of her perfect brows. "Lay with me," she suggested rolling over on her back, scooting closer to the wall making room for me.

"I don't want you to be uncomfortable, in my tiny ass bed."

Sitting up she removed her socks stating,"The smaller the better."

"Do you mind?"

Rolling her eyes, she took a hold of my shirt pulling me down to the bed. With her arms encircled around my neck, she dragged both our bodies in a laying position.

"Jacob, I don't ever want to fall asleep without you by my side and I don't ever want to wake up and you be gone."

"Never," I promised kissing her nose.

Quickly, I repositioned us, so that I could take her in my arms. After a few minutes of silence, I watched her become antsy. With closed eyes, she started unbuttoning her jeans, but I stopped her, I wasn't sure what she was planning. She placed her hand over mine and her thoughts say, _"It's too hot Jake."_

She unzipped her hoodie, flinging it on the chair at the head of the bed and I let her kick off her jeans exposing a rather sexy pair of lace boyshort underwear. She draped a bare fleshy thigh over my body. "Jake?" she hummed into my neck "Can I show you how much I love you?"

She didn't wait for an answer, her hands went to lift my shirt, instead she ripped it off and her palms ended up in a southern region. Her lips followed where her hands were pleasantly badgering me. I almost felt guilty for letting her act so erotic, I felt as if I was taking advantage of in her some way. As much as I resisted, she stayed persistent.

When she finished satisfying me, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She sat on my lap looking down at me.

"You only love me cuz the imprint don't you?" she wondered, throwing her hair in a messy bun, but I didn't see her lips move.

Assuming, I was flustered from the amazing release, I asked, "Is that what you think?"

Her body straightened up as she balled her fist bringing them to her sides. "How did you hear me? I wasn't touching you," she frowned completely baffled.

"I'm not sure but listen,"I commanded ignoring the weird thing that happened, pulling her down to my side. I made she was comfortable in my arms, kissed her. Both of us were laying on our sides facing one another, I placed my forehead to hers continuing, " I want you to understand this, my dad said it points out our soul mate to us. So even if us wolves didn't imprint, I'd want you. Ness you're my soul mate, my perfect match. You're the one person I could never live without, I love you so much," I could spot a stray tear or two roll sideways down her face. "Don't cry."

"I'm not," she fibbed with a few tears rolling down her cheeks, "You always tell me that, and I don't understand why?"

"I hate to see you cry, my soul dies a little each time you cry."

"But I'm so, I'm on cloud nine but there is something I don't understand."

"And what's that?" I requested an answer.

She flew up crossing her legs like a kindergartener and she took a hold of one of my hands, sandwiching it between her satiny hands.

" Why didn't you tell me when you began to fall in love with me, in London, when I was pregnant or the miscarriage or when I moved to Olympia? You had a million chances. All that wasted time."

Moving, I stretched my legs out over the side of the bed and reached for her locating her body on my lap. I hugged her, wanting her nearer and rested my head against her shoulder.

"I guess, I figured we have forever. Remember your prom the night?"

With a gesture of her head, she acknowledged my words.

"We were in your bed, tangled in one another, and I was so close, I wanted to wake you up, tell you that I wanted to stay in that position forever, and tell you it's only possible because you're my soul mate. Or the night I had to explain to you how we were alike on La Push Beach, the night before your wedding to Nahuel, the day of your wedding, when you were pregnant. But I swore I wouldn't because I knew you needed to make the choice on your own. I didn't want you to think that because the imprint, that's the only reason I love you."

She gave a short banter like laugh."You know me to well."

"Yeah that and you ordered me not to tell you."

"Did Edward have anything to do with your decision not to tell me?"

"Sort of but I think he wanted me to tell you, everyone else did,"

"Everyone knew?"

"Yes, you can't keep an imprint a secret."

"You kept it from me."

"That was for a good reason I wanted you to pick me on your own, not because you had to. Anyways, I promised your dad that I wouldn't try anything until you were sixteen."

"I've been sixteen for four years now," she whined.

"No, he wanted me to wait until you were literally sixteen. I guess I just wanted to prove myself to him."

With realization she jabbed her fingertips into my forehead, lifting my head from her shoulder.

She had a half smile as she looked me in the eyes and wondered, " That's why the first time we kissed you said I was too young?"

"Yeah, " I nodded, "I mad a promise and I won't go back on a promise, ever."

She was on my lap, making small circles in my forearm with her fingers. After staring at her profile, my forehead made it's way back to her shoulder and she rested her ear on the crown of my head.

"Jacob?" she asked, placing her hands over my arms that were already grasping her waist tightly.

"Hmm?"

She took a giant breath and said, " Am I old enough for you now?"

"Yeah," I muttered into the crook of her neck. Nervously, she played with my hands not meeting my gaze.

"I'm grown up now," she declared to me what I already affirmed, the way a little child would.

Agreeing once again, I said, "Yes, you are Ness."

"Do you remember the promise you made me?"

"Which one?" I grinned.

"The one when you said, If I wanted to marry you when I grew up, you would."

I had a flashback to Charlie and Sue's wedding, when she said those words. I remembered the promise I made her. And like I said I never go back on a promise.

"Yes, I remember that promise."

She made sure our eyes were connected and she apprehensively bit her lip. " Will you marry me?" she asked so unsure.

Laughing, I knew I was beaming, never in a million years would I think she would be the one proposing to me. Especially, after she denied my first proposal.

"Nessie, I already asked you that."

"I know, I know but a few hours ago I didn't know I was your imprint. I was doubtful about the future we had," she swallowed the lump in her throat.

With her still sitting on my lap, I reached back opening my nightstand drawer. Unable to see, I ransacked through the drawer, feeling the photo album, an old chapstick, a candy wrapper, the silver promise ring I had made her.

"Stand up," I ordered tapping her butt. She did so turning to watch me rummage through the drawer of endless crap. After eventually finding the wooden box, I turned to her.

I decided to do this the traditional way. I kneeled putting one knee on the cool floor, opened the box, pulled my mother's ring out,(Picture on profile) took her hand and asked, "Renesmee, you now know my entire life has revolved around you. You know the extent of my love can't be measured in words or even by my actions but marrying you is one way I can prove to you that I will always be there for you, to calm you, help you, guide you, support you, enjoying your company and love you eternally and forever. Nessie Cullen, marry me. Be my wife. Please, marry me. Will you marry me?"

Her eyes were tearing up, and without answering, she kneeled in front of me, cupped my face and kissed me. Many memories of Nessie and I went through my head as she thought, _"You don't even have to ask, give me the date and the time. I'll be there."_

With the box in one hand and the ring in the other I wrapped my arms around her, kissing her. Letting her catch her breath I pulled away, setting a trail of kisses up her neck. I asked a question, I didn't need to ask.

She rested her bottom on the heels of her feet removing her hands from my face, and I took hold of her hand and placed the engagement ring of her short, nail painted finger. It was official. I was going to marry my soul mate, my imprint, my best friend, my only reason for living.

* * *

**Author's NOTE:**

**Wouldn't it totally suck if I said this was the end? Well don't worry about that, t_his story is far from over. I'm so excited for the next chapter! _**

**Sorry it took me so long to update just finished my externship and I'm back to writing this and a few other stories and a screen play.**

**Thanks so much for all of you who reviewed:**

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_**Chapter 28 Preview:**_

_**I could feel the air breeze across my face and my skin tingle from the cool liquid on my face. Bringing my hand to my head, I touched the thick rust scented substance dripping from my hairline. It was blood, but who was this oddly familiar, tan yet pale, massive, dark haired, red eyed woman hovering over me?**_


	74. Chapter 28 Why Now?

**CHAPTER 28 – Why Now?-**

(Renesmee's POV)

My eyes fluttered open to distinguish that I wasn't in my own room. Too much sunlight leaked through Jake's broken blinds, and the bright radiance was cast against the asparagus green colored walls . As I squeezed my eyelids shut, a warm grasp tightened around my waist. Last evenings events came back to mind, I proposed, he proposed_. We're getting married!_ With that, I couldn't help but smirk. Forcefully, I loosened his hold and went to rotate my body, to have my fiancés beautiful face in my vision. I spun around and grazed my hand across Jake's cheek. Settling my hand on his masculine cheekbone, I lightly stroked his jaw with my thumb. Sending my thoughts to him I said, _Love you._ He left his eyes closed and a toothless smile crept onto his face.

"Love you," he whispered stroking my curved side, from my ribs to my hip, rib to hip. His touch was soothing me, calming me, practically putting me back to sleep. Although, I desperately felt the need to close my eyes I couldn't stop staring at him.

"Quo Quowle," I murmured. Even though it didn't mean I love you, saying stay with me forever was the next best thing or even better.

"Forever," he said flickering his eyes open. He leaned forward bringing one hand up to cup my face and he kissed my cheek and my lips. "When did you want to get married?" he asked.

"Asap, " I conveyed leaving a quick kiss on his forehead. Sitting up I looked for my pants. When I squeezed my skinny jeans on Jake asked, "Wow desperate are we? What's the hurry?"

"The sooner we get married, the sooner we can consummate."

I laughed because what I said was a bit immoral but I couldn't help my perverted mind. I didn't want to have sex for my personal enjoyment, because if that was the case, I'd be sleeping around with every available man. The fact is not only do I love Jacob, but I am in love with him and I can show him how much I truly love him by this one act. It's why we both went against our beliefs of staying abstinent until marriage. However, after nearly losing one another and me still believing I would eventually lose him caused us to make the drastic decision. That and just the sight of him can rouse me. I couldn't say I regretted it. I knew that if there was a positivity that I was going to die tomorrow, I would still make love to him even if we weren't married. At least, then I would die knowing we were once connected on the most intimate level possible. I guess it's a sin I'd have to claim and serve time for in my next life.

Bringing his arm around, he positioned it under his head as a pillow avowing, " I was talking about you getting dressed. What's the hurry? You have plans?"

"No hurry, just thought I'd get dressed."

"Get back in bed," he grinned.

I skipped over then slipped back onto the bed. We rested for a few talking about our time apart. I found out that both of us functioned as if we were on autopilot , I informed himI received several sacraments in the church and was now hoping the curse of Lilith would now be behind me and Jacob was now a business owner, that aspires to go back to college. Who knew?

Soon enough, Jacob began complaining about my eyes and my thirst and after a light hearted argument, I gave in. I took a nip at his palm, taking a quick taste but he wouldn't have that. "It's not enough to fill you, Nessie," he spoke completely worried with my satisfaction.

"Jake, you don't always have to donate your blood for my thirst," I laughed internally to myself, thinking about the way he always gives his blood so willingly, as a donor would at a blood drive.

"I've always been your blood donor, why stop now?"

I grabbed his arm bit and began sucking whatever blood would drain from his puncture.

Long ago, I'm sure he used to think the thought of draining any kind of blood for drink was disgusting, completely sickening . The pack still felt it was revolting, though, why didn't I repulse Jake? I couldn't help but wonder what changed Jake's mind about this?

Both my hands held his forearm as a piece of meat and when I was fulfilled, I released my bit. Seeing trickles of blood roll down his forearm from the piercings, I licked up the remaining blood and kissed the prick marks, just as I've always done.

"I don't disgust you?" I questioned setting his arm down. I pointed at his arm saying, "This, doesn't nauseate you at all?"

"Nausea no, but I get a little light headed," he chuckled. But when I raised a brow at him he knew I was serious. Changing his tone and straightening his face he became solemn. "The first time you did it was kinda, shocking. But you were young. I got accustomed to it and I like to know that my blood's the only thing that can satisfy your thirst," he concededly informed, "you'll always need me."

Pulling my legs into criss cross I leaned forward holding his temples, kissing his forehead, assuring, "You're too good for me, you know that?"

He repeated my words, "You're too good for me. You know that Nessie?"

Standing up, I cocked my head and gave him a sly smile. "Yeah, I know," I gloated playfully as I shrugged my shoulders. Rapidly, he picked up a pillow and gave a warning look. I jogged out of his room before the pillow he threw at me, made any contact. Peeking my head back in a teased him, "Missed me."

Walking from Jake's room strait into the living room, I noticed how lonely and different it was without Billy here. I went to long without visiting my family and my family in La Push, I wasn't going to do that anymore. Getting through the living room I walked into the short hallway and I went to the bathroom. I washed my face, got ready and decided to head off to church and get my life started right. Surprisingly, Jake willingly came. It was different to see him in such a faithful light but it was a quality I liked. The church was right across the street from the hospital and everyone looked at us as if we grew scales. It must be strange for such a small parish to see two new comers but we got through it. After church it was nine thirty and we went to breakfast. Jake practically ate the restaurants entire food supply.

We drove off to Bogachiel State Park, because Jake thought he was brilliant suggesting we needed to go hunting, for fun, not sport. Even though, I knew he had a hidden agenda of getting me to hunt. We were the only two people parked in the lot, and it felt we were the only ones who existed in Olympic National Forest. Most likely it was due to a misty Sunday morning.

Jake held my hand along the natural trail we took. The cool air was refreshing and the soft soil beneath my feet was something I missed, since I moved to Olympia. I was so glad to be back home, I missed my forests, my beaches and salty foggy rain scented air of La Push.

Jake and I found a natural bridge from a fallen tree. The branches and limbs were able to be used as railing and you could see the bark ware away from the traffic. Jake being the gentleman he was let me go first. As I walked along the trails and over the bridge, we didn't speak much but I couldn't help but wonder about our lives. How did we end up here? Together. How did he handle his life waiting for his imprint? And once he did find me, how did he deal with it? He must have suffered.

Crossing the end of the tree, I released a loud sigh thinking about this. Jacob looked at me but I shook him off. I really never considered how bad Jake would be suffering, each time I left him. And with information about the imprint, I now know he under went more pain than I had originally thought or would want him to bear. Maybe, he was ten times worst than I was. Ten times more depressed and ten times lonelier. I wasn't sure but I sought after our happiness, now. We just needed each other.

Somehow, I had to show him I loved him and make all his past anguish or resentment with me disappear. Last night, I got carried away with demonstrating those things for him but what's done is done.

Stopping I turned waited for him to be at my side. "Did you really suffer?" I questioned as serious as possible. His head snapped up and his lips parted a bit, I knew he wasn't sure what I was asking by the expression on his face. So I elaborated, "All this time you had to wait, and deal with my ridiculous decisions, did you suffer?"

We pulled off the trail and began to wonder our own way as Jake stated, " You almost married a man that, wasn't me. Suffering is an understatement. It was more torment than when you moved to Alaska, or left for Russia because it was proof you loved some guy more than me. Pure, agony, is the right word."

"I didn't mean to cause-" I broke off mid sentence searching for the right way to apologize, I couldn't find the correct words. I shrugged replying, " I can't even explain how so sorry I am for making you feel that way."

"I'm not as angry about it as you think. I would shoot my foot if would make you happy. And how, could I be upset with you, when all you're guilty of was trying to protect me? I would have done the same for you, except marry another woman."

Pulling my hands inside my sleeve I peered at the forest floor shamefully expressing myself, "I didn't marry him."

"You're right, I didn't make you believe I married another woman."

He spoke not angry but as if the whole thing was a joke, like it never had happened. He seemed more interested in the scenery around us than the conversation. I looked up seeing the moss covering countless Sitka Spruce's trunks up it's bark and along branches, there was every shade of green you could ever imagine in our view. The Doulas Fur's, subalpine fir, mountain hemlock, or Alaska cedar guaranteed we were higher in the mountains than I originally thought. To our front left there was a clearing, covered in mountain wildflowers. There was sorrel collected in large gatherings under decaying Douglas firs.

It sort of made sense why he was admiring the nature, it was beautiful. When I visually examined my Jacob, he still appeared distant. It peeved me but I was glad he wouldn't hold a grunge. Jacob just wasn't that kind of guy. He was carefree and easygoing, I needed that because sometimes I could be awfully uptight with things.

I continued to reveal why I had done what I had done. "I had my family to deal with, I didn't need them questioning my where-about's."

"I know," he voiced putting his arm across my shoulders.

" I hope I made it up to you last night."

"Oh, believe me. You did," he sniggered and rubbed my arm warming me a bit, but still not detaching his vision from the landscape, " you know it's been too long to wait for the woman of my dreams."

"I can't believe daddy did that," I said irked and stiffened up, "You should have been allowed to tell me about the imprint, whenever you felt it was right, not when I turn sixteen, that's five and a half years from now. That really would have saved us alotta trouble and heart ache."

He kissed my cheek snickering, "Don't get mad, he was pretty good with the whole pregnancy thing. Better than I assumed, better than your mother."

The mention of it left me detached and now I was staring off into the distant greenery.

"Joseph would have been beautiful," I spoke impassive.

"He would have been perfect," Jake said giving me another peck on the cheek, "We can always try again."

I wasn't going to let this affect me, it was sad but what's done is done.

"Now?" I raised my brows and asked pulling him into a hug.

"Let's go hunting, then we'll talk more about kids and after we get married we'll try to make some."

I grumbled to myself, then flicked Jacob in the forehead before taking off at vamps pace. He couldn't catch up with me in his human form but he didn't phase.

Kids. I really did want children, once upon a time. Now, going through a miscarriage, I wasn't sure. I couldn't go through another loss of a child. I may only be able to handle it, if Jacob was dead set on kids.

I slowed and let Jake catch up. He caught my waist from behind and swathed me with his arms. Nuzzling his nose to my neck, he kissed and I said, "Jake, it's not possible."

"What isn't possible?" he hummed the question against my neck.

Nudging him off with the shrug of one shoulder, he loosened his hold, and I spun around to face him. But I couldn't directly make eye contact, I rested my head on his shoulder murmuring, "Kids," I declared. I could feel the indentation from Jake's army green jacket forming on my forehead. Though, I knew doing this wasn't going to make the situation disappear, I hoped when I said what I was about to say I wouldn't see the disappointment in his eyes. Not wanting to I continued with my forehead pressed against him with closed eyes, "That's why I miscarried, my body just wasn't, designed for it. I'm frozen, not moving forward not moving back like Rosalie or Leah, and… and…" I breathed, " I'm-I'm okay with that."

"Ness," he spoke outraged as his grip on my hips wobbled, causing me to lift my head from his shoulder, "Stop it. You're doing it again."

"What?"

" Getting all depressed."

"I'm not depressed, I can never get depressed."

He gave a quick glance at me but wouldn't intently look me in the eye, his eyes flickered about lush forest backdrop. His neck became erect as he looked around the forest. By the frown on his face I could tell he was aggravated. He was rigid as he pulled me into a hug. "Do you remember the last six months or were you that delusional in your misery?"

"No," I huffed, "And yes I recall how I was being, but I have you, now. The gist of my depression was triggered because I was scared you'd leave me and when I lost Joseph, it sent me over the edge. That's why I moved, I didn't want to face it, to witness you being with someone else. TO learn to live without you and now I get why Leah said, ' I'd never function without.' Another thing was I did research up there, about Lilith, and human anatomy and mutation. Did you know, we're practically mutated, how can you expect me to have a healthy baby?"

Kissing my right temple, he was rigorous, still stiff. I looked to him to see a very straight face and wrinkled nose. Usually, he would be back to his careless self, smiling and relaxed.

"We will have children one day, you'll see," he stated so absent mindedly as he rapt me in his arms tightly, squeezing the oxygen from my lungs. He was holding onto me as if, I was a string on a balloon. He wouldn't let go because he feared I would float away.

Ignoring his vagueness, I responded, "The possibilities are slim but children aren't a priority, all I need is you." I wrapped my arms around his thick midsection and I rubbed his back.

"So, you don't want kids?" His tone was taut and emotionless.

" I can't say I do, and I can't say I don't but if it happens, it happens and if it doesn't, oh well."

"Whatever makes you happy, makes me happy."

When he said it, I couldn't tell if he was sincere. He didn't look at me, he just gazed at the forest around us. I gazed up to find he was snarling with his front teeth exposed. I tried to follow his gaze to see what he was looking at but he placed his arms tensely around me with one hand forcing my nose into his clavicle bone.

The way he was holding me was as if a bomb were about to go off. I'll admit I felt protected but what did I need protecting from? I heard the rumbling growl in his chest and his quivering body. What the hell was wrong with him?

"Jake are you okay?"

It was beginning to sprinkle when Jake brought one of his hands to his nose. "Do you smell that?"

"No. It can't be," I whined, once I grasp what he was speaking of. Slowly swiveling myself to look who may be at my back, I was half expecting intruders standing before me.

Standing back to back, Jake and I could sense something. I grabbed his hand, showing him our future the wedding, a house, and kids. _I love you, whatever it is we'll get through it, we have to get married._

He turned me, grabbing my shoulders and kissing me.

"I love you now, go," he pushed me.

"What?" I asked.

"Go," he ordered throwing his green jacket to me. I caught it staring at him confused.

" Go, so I can phase, get as far from me as you can. I don't want you to get hurt. Go get help," he sternly ordered. He was in full Alpha mode, and for once I wasn't turned on, I was scared.

Unable to take my eyes of him, I put his jacket on and obeyed him by starting to jog in the opposite direction of him before I tripped over a rather large rock sticking out of the ground. Luckily, a patch of shrubbery on the forest floor cushioned my fall. Abruptly, Jake's threatening growls echoed and bounced of the trees. Laying on the moist ground, my hands were flat in the dirt as I pushed myself up the slightest bit. Still on my belly, I turned my head to see what Jake was growling at. Jacob's massive horse sized wolf form was standing straddling over me, protecting me from four cloaked enemies.

_Why Now!_ _Jake, why don't they just leave us alone?_ I shouted in my head. When everything seemed to finally fall in place, why did they have to return now!

_Hell, I don't know Ness. They apparently don't want us happy. _

When I heard Jacob, I nearly felt my lung pop. Did he just talk? I slipped out from underneath him, trying to catch a breath from that shock. I came and stood at his side. The four stood across from us, waiting for the stand off. Two of whom, I didn't recognize, one male and one female but they were the enemy, I knew those burgundy red cloaks from anywhere. Afton was there, and he knew a wolf killed Chelsea, whom was his mate. Jacob killed her on my fake wedding day to Nahuel. He was most likely here for vengeance. And Alec who would most likely sit back and watch the battle unravel just like he and his demon sister always do.

_Leave Renesmee! _I could hear Jacob's thoughts amongst his canine left me dumb founded, I stared at him as I said, "NO."

He brought his head down, whining at me but I, in the midst of his whimpers, heard him, _You leave now, go get help._

I thought back at only one other time we were in the similar situation. Then there was only one vampire, Demetri, not four. At that time, I was five young and maybe even a little naïve. I recalled hearing him chant, _run, run, run._ Was it really possible that we had this telepathy connection all along? Like that time, I wasn't going to run, I couldn't leave him then and I wouldn't leave him now. I was staying at his side and I will continue staying at his side, fighting. And if it came to death, so be it.

I raised my arms as if I was being arrested to show him I wasn't touching him,_ Can you hear me? _

His ears stood upright as he cocked his head at me, nodding.

_Think Jacob, don't charge them! Wait for them to come to us._

_Okay. _He agreed.

Before, anything Jacob dropped at my side like he was frozen. His body mildly convulsed and I could hear him scream in my head, _Go! Go! Run Nessie!_

Was he joking? There was no way in hell I was taking off leaving him to battle off four vampires at once, Volturi guards at that. Hell, he couldn't even fight them off he was stuck to the forest floor like a fly to flypaper. If Aro has done as I knew he planned, they were even more strictly trained than before the Wawkalak and Bodark wars. That and I'm sure Alec was using his abilities to cut off senses.

I stood my ground, waiting. I bent my knees crouching just waiting. The unfamiliar dark haired girl charged me, with all my might I used my palm for a blow to her chest. She fell back and the unknown man in the burgundy cloak mimicked the move I dropped on the girl. My back was slammed back into a Red Cedar knocking the wind out of me. Reaching my arms over my head, I attempted to quicken the recovery for my lungs to get air. But it wasn't soon enough, I helplessly watched as Jacob struggled with his senses and the vampires hovering around him.

"Alec let him breath!" I shouted still catching my breath and waiting for the pain running up my back to disease.

But when all four started to pick Jacob up like a roasted pig, I charged, I didn't think I just charged at the evil beings trying to take my Jacob away from me. I aimed for the weakest, the burgundy cloaked girl. That color cloak meant she had no powers, so I came up to her side snapping the girls arm off. When Afton took notice he rushed me from behind, knocking me over to the ground. I wasn't like the rest of my family, who could gracefully operate themselves into a front flip. My chest hit the ground and it hit hard, yet again knocking more wind out of me. My head hit the grassy floor and perhaps a rock, I want sure but my head stung. Afton took ahold of my tried my wrists, and I couldn't tell you what maneuver I pulled. Some how, by the grace of God, I got out of his grasp rolled over onto my back. He went for my neck with his freezing hands but I lifted my legs using my feet to push him back. I brought myself to my feet. Jacob's yelps, whimpers and howl troubled me, I became focused on him.

Before I knew it, someone kicked me in the chest sending my body flying. Not sure what I hit, my head started throbbing. The ache radiated in the center of my back, I kept trying to get a mouthful of air but failed.

My vision was blurring, my head was spinning and my lids drooping. As I began to close my eyes I could hear a conversation amongst the Volturi guards. I knew, I couldn't block Alec from desensitizing me any longer. I was halfway to unconsciousness and my body beginning to go numb.

"Aro, wants her alive."

" I want to kill the disgusting Halfling," the girl had a annoying high pitched whiny voice.

"She's the last of her breed left, what does Aro want with her? I thought he wanted her kind extinct?" Afton questioned.

"Why can't we just kidnap her and not this rotten stinking canine?"

"Because Aro said so!" Alec yelled, he seemed to be the only one in the know.

"I want to kill her, she ripped my arm off!" the girl shrieked.

"Patience, by the time this is all over, we'll be able to kill this wolf and perhaps her."

Then all was dark.

_**Chapter 29 preview**_

_I scuttled back until the back of my head hit a tree. I was scared out of my mind. Was she a Volturi guard, I scanned my memories and she was there._

_"You okay friend? You're bleeding from the head."_

_I could feel the air breeze across my face and my skin tingle from the cool liquid on my face. Bringing my hand to my head, I touched the thick rust scented substance dripping from my hairline. It was blood but who was this oddly familiar massive dark haired, red eyed woman hovering over me. _

* * *

**Author's Note:** Okay this chapter was longer than expected so the chapter preview was the same as last chapter. Do you get what's happening?

**Special thanks to all my readers:**

gjmb2000, inomnia peratus2, Jacob A Potter, Randomeow, luv2beloved, SabrinaCullen2010, patty(heart)cake thanks alwasy for the long reviews YOU'RE THE BEST! oh and lena0123 all for reviewing. Rylie 16 for reviewing and favorite-ing the story. Melody Cullen for placing this story on Favorite story and and me for favorite author. Volturi Rules for putting this up on story alert. Thanks to theavidreader4life, nicloe123456, Rylie16, becmoingawriter, for favoriteing and dont-think-be for I forgot what it was, but thanks.

15 reviews, then you'll see the next chapter.


	75. Chapter 29 What's the Plan?

**Chapter 29 What's the Plan?**

(Renesmee's POV)

The faint light of the sun emitted on my lashes, leaving my vision dim yet bright with the sun's rays. And when it dissipated I could catch glimpse of my surroundings. Above head was a sliver of blue sky peeking the dense gray clouds. Slowly, the baby blue slit drifted away with the clouds. The tall dark green Sitka Spruces towered over, higher than I ever remembered, all still glistening with moisture from the last rain fall. The wind caused each to tree to sway resulting in drops to roll off the branches and land on my face. I heard a constant knocking of a woodpecker and the crackling of a nearby water source. With all the things around, my mind was blank and my body was freezing cold. Pressing my hand to my abdomen, it was drenched in water. _Do I have amnesia? No, I knew who I am and what I am_.

The breeze would rub against my body sending shivers throughout my body. At this very second I needed Jacob's warmth. _Wait, Jacob? Where was Jake?_ The bark of the tree was collecting my hair like velcro when I shifted myself. Speedily, I sat up then a sudden head rush was a cruel result. As if things weren't bad enough. My legs were straight out, my hands hung at my side lifeless and I lowered my head as I tried to collect myself and not break down. To any outsider, I probably looked like a puppet waiting to be manipulated and brought to life. Taking a breath, my eyes caught sight of the green jacket I wore, Jake's jacket. The feeling of numbness assaulted my body, and my eyes began to sting as I fought back the tears. Human emotions sucked! I never felt the need to cry until I moved to Alaska, until I was taken from my Jacob. Now, I couldn't believe the Volturi had taken him away from me. _Why didn't they take me too?_ _What did they want with him?_

While I sat there, a gust of air hit me and the noise of something stood ahead of me. I peeked up through my damp hanging bangs but saw nothing. My breath deepening as my heart pounded, I knew there was someone here with me. At a snail's pace, I lifted my head to see who stood before me. When my eyes met the woman's crimson iris' the abrupt dash of numbness spread throughout my body.

The deadness I held a second ago wasn't the same lack of sensation I felt at this second. I was frightened, my chest was heavy with pressure and my lungs tingled from the lack of air supply . Reflexively, I scuttled back until the back of my head hit a tree. I was petrified out of my mind. _Was she a Volturi guard? _I scanned my memories and she was there.

"You okay friend?" she spoke in a thick accent and reached out for me. When I shuddered, she pulled back offering a smile. "You're bleeding from the head," she informed.

I could feel the air breeze across my face and my skin tingle from the cool liquid on my face. Bringing my hand to my head, I touched the thick rust scented substance dripping from my hairline. It was blood but who was this oddly familiar massive, dark haired, red eyed woman hovering over me?

I studied her, everything about her. Her face was soft yet strong, her brows were deeply arched and long. Once I saw she had no cloak, which was standard for the Volturi, I was mildly feeling less fearful of this woman. I wasn't sure what to think of her at this point but she was so familiar.

When she stood back up she glanced to her left seemingly looking for someone.

"Hey!" she bellowed. I gulped wondering who she was calling over. I was in one hundred and ten percent shock when I saw Nahuel's face.

Kneeling down, he tucked stray hair behind my ear. Seeing the wound on my head caused a loving reaction in him. Being concerned, he started examining my arms moving them around and taping my legs waiting for a reaction or reflex to come from me. But I didn't stir the least bit, I felt like the energy was sucked right out of me, like my soul left with Jacob. My eyes burned because I couldn't blink. I was lifeless.

Taking the sides of my face in his hands, he lightly tapped my face querying, "Renesmee? Honey, are you okay?"

When I went to say, sure, I absentmindedly uttered, "Gone."

"What's gone?" he asked.

Silently, I muttered, "Jake."

Sadly, and disappointed Nahuel removed his hands from my face, sighed and declared, "It was a matter of time."

He stood , crossing his arms giving me a gloomy sympathetic smile. I hoped he didn't resent me for taking advantage of him almost a year ago. He may not know it, but he helped me more than he would know and I still never repaid him for his kindness. I'd have to figure that out, but not now. I have forever to pay him back, right now I had to put the pieces together to Jake's kidnapping.

"Alice!" the tall woman in leather and hide clothing called out. _Alice? My auntie Ally was here? _The lady persisted, stepping closely alongside Nahuel, "Renesmee, do you remember me? I'm Zafrina."

I wanted to say, "_Yes I remember you, you helped save my family as well as my life. You showed me pictures."_

The only word that left my mouth was, "Jake?" I couldn't explain what had happened I involuntarily said his name. I feel like I had a mental breakdown - and I needed morphine. Sitting there with my mouth agape, I watched Nahuel and Zafrina take an expressive glimpse at one another. So, Zafrina joined the Volturi with Nahuel. In disapproval I kept shaking my head with my mouth still open.

A pinging voice startled me. "Oh my goodness gracious!" my aunt Ally exclaimed. She brought her face so close as if I couldn't see her or hear at all. "Ness can you hear me?"

"She's not moving or saying much," Nahuel informed.

Alice brought herself to a seat next to me. I just gazed at her, speechless, as she caressed my face with her frozen hands . Pressing her lips into a line, she worriedly turned to my uncle saying, " Jasper, how does she feel?"

Inside, I felt a smile. I missed my aunt and uncle. I'm so happy they were okay but Jacob was gone. Without him I'm nothing. I hoped they didn't' plan to kill him, what would they want with him?

When I looked over to Nahuel and Zafrina, I saw Marcus and two other women, one tall with a long torso, who went to Zafrina's side and the other muscular with untamed hair stayed by Marcus. All women appeared to be related. If I was wrong then they were just similar to Zafrina, tall, muscular, dark haired and tan with a odd pale complexion like coffee t At this sight, of these vampires, I was petrified again. Jacob's life was in the Volturi's hands. They couldn't be trusted with lives, I witnessed them repeatedly kill and punish innocent beings for trivial reasons. I watched them slaughter a harmless four year old boy when I offered to take full responsibility for him and now they took Jake. I hated them. I hated them even more than before.

Jazz frowned looking straight through me searching for my emotions. " Purposeless," he uttered.

"I don't like the way she feels, " he shook his head, " Hatred, fright, relief but most off all she feels extreme misery. Purposeless ."

Alice petted my head whispering, "Do you think Jacob told her?"

"I don't know?" he responded with a shrug, "Maybe it's why she's feels totally meaningless."

" Their relationship is…even stronger than before," Marcus said.

" We have to get her home," Alice said as she pulled back my hair pinning it up with a bobby pin.

Taking a note from Alice, Jasper began to pick me up. Even though Jasper was dead on about my sense of purposeless, I wasn't useless. I spent the last six months fighting for my dependence upon myself and although I failed miserably, I wasn't giving up what little progress I did make. I pushed him away, raising my hand up. I wasn't useless, I could walk.

Alice helped me up, when our hands made contact, I gave her the play by play of what happened yesterday in Jacob's garage. The heavy rain falling on the thin roof of the garage, our conversation about intruders, the glances he took at me as he leaned over the engine and the fresh scent of rain. The coolness rushing in from the outside and how every time he needed me for the littlest thing I was at his side, wiping grease from his face, handing him any needed object needed. And when he's reach for it, he'd slightly graze my hand. Each time it was like an electric shock and I was being brought back to life, falling in love with him just by his hands hot touch. I recalled, the strange sensation and desire I had of doing anything he asked. It was a necessity to my life to do everything for that man, and I couldn't explain why. Then things turned from easy to complicated, Jake's proposal, my rejection of said proposal, me mistaken my mother for his imprint, the bickering, the rain falling harder and rumbles of thunder that came with the sudden mood change. However, our past was washed away with that rain when he told me the news that confirmed what my heart always felt. I existed for him. I was his imprint. My dreams, hopes and wishes came true.

_Yes, our bond is stronger because he told me. _I thought tapering my clasp on her hand.

With Alice's help I brought myself to my feet. Leisurely, we started to amble our way in the direction of Forks and the rest followed behind. The air was still cold, the gray cloud still hovered high and Jacob's scent was lingering on his jacket. I couldn't release my hand from auntie Ally's, as bitter cold as it was, I didn't want her to leave me again. Yes, I was relieved my aunt and uncle have returned in one piece, but despite that fact, Jacob was gone, and meant a little more to me. I took my free hand and patted my opposite shoulder, rubbing my bicep. With every stroke Jacob's smell wafted in my nose.

Stepping over a small log, the other's muttered in low tones about the Volturi but I payed no attention. Alice gave a fake cough then said, "I want to say I'm so happy for you but, I'm not sure this is the right time."

Taking a quick glance at my aunt, she gave a half smirk. Revolving my head back to the eerie greens of La Push, that only reminded me of my Jacob, I thought, _It's not, there's nothing to be happy about now. _

From behind, I could tell the others were getting agitated with my pace. Alice guided me and Jasper walked on my other side. The others were still conversing about what may come and the changing weather. The sun was filtering between the clouds, my aunt glimmered on and off.

Gazing up the disc of bright light could be seen through the clouds, and judging by its placement in the sky it was sometime in the afternoon, maybe three or four.

"I told you to stay away from the family, from Forks," Jazz said, but I was unobservant to the things he had to say, it didn't matter now, Jake was gone.

" Mmhmm," Alice shook her head at my uncle to not bring my mistake up, "Jasper save the lecture, she has Edward for that." She gave a whistle then continued, "As soon as everything went blank, I knew something wicked was coming this way."

"She shouldn't have came here, it caused you to lose your visions."

I fell to my knees, not letting go of Alice's hand and wrapping my other hand around Jasper's leg. Burring my nose in the dirt, I began finally spoke in s sentence. I was begging, "I apologize, I swear I'm sorry, I just, I planned on moving back home, I had to come home and see Jacob."

Alice laid her other hand on top of mine and I looked up to them with a quivering lip, I carried on with my pleading, "I'll do anything you guys ask" I whined pulling on Jasper's shirt, "just give me my Jacob, give me my JACOB BACK!."

"We can't do that," Nahuel said from behind.

My eyes flashed back at him with a glower, "What do you mean! You're all in the Volturi, aren't you?" My knees were becoming raw from kneeling on rocks but I stayed still hugging Jaspers legs continuing to beseech with whimpers, " I don't care what Aro wants, I'll do anything just keep my Jacob alive! I swear on my life, I swear to you, all of you! I'll do anything, no matter what it is. Anything. Anything. Anything."

"Renesmee, we aren't in the Volturi," Zafrina said.

Alice pulled me up so I was now standing. "No cloaks, Ness," she informed as she held her arms out revealing that she had indeed had not been wearing a cloak.

Pointing at the others men, I stuttered, "B-but, Marcus, and Nahuel?"

Jasper placed his hand on my shoulder stating, "Ness, I told you, Marcus is no longer a member of the Volturi."

"I broke away. As soon as Chelsea was killed, I left," he spoke collected and pleased by his choice, "All my ties were gone. And intentions with the Wawalaks, Bodarks and with you, were not admirable nor what the Volturi originally stood for. Aro and Caius are more interested in their personal vendetta's and desires than to keep our kind, hidden from the human world."

"Okay, then what about you Nahuel are you in the Volturi?"

" They believe I'm still am, but I'm not, " he spoke shaking his head, "I found my father."

"Yeah?"

"My father and Aro have a sick little friendship, they're trying to create half-breeds."

I closed my eyes listening to his words, I chipped away at my memory searching for the information Japer had given me months ago. When the light bulb flicked on I said, "To destroy my family."

"Yes."

Jasper zoomed to Alice's side, affirming, "They're waiting on getting the cooperation of the Russian wolves first."

"And they're waiting for me to return and give the go ahead," Alice clued me in and with a tug of my arm I was forced back into walking towards the Cullen compound.

"So your still in the Volturi?" I wondered, jogging alongside Ally, as she walked at a quickened pace.

"They think we are," she giggled.

None of it mattered. I didn't care that Aro wanted me, I didn't care that they were waiting to destroy my family, or the Russian werewolf population. It seemed pretty heartless, but all I cared about was Jacob. Right now, I needed my mother. Without another thought, I took off like a flash wanting to make it home. I desperately needed my momma.

Barging through the door, I pushed it with such force that I punched a hole in the dry wall with the knob but it didn't concern me.

"MOMMA! Momma!" I shouted running to the kitchen and the entire bottom floor searching for her. _Where is she! _I felt the stinging in my eyes again, but I forced them back. This wasn't the time to break down and cry. I had to be strong. I ran back into the living room where Rosalie and Esme stared at me. I'm sure they were asking me questions but I could barely hear them with all my own frantic thoughts shouting in my head. "Momma!" I yelled so loud, my voice cracked.

My mother rushed down the stairs, barefoot at a human's pace, her light gray robe swept behind her. It didn't hide the flannel pj shorts and tank she was wearing at three in the afternoon. She gave me an evil eye as she came to the landing, probably because I interrupted her and my father's love making. "What is-" she started out irritated but cut off mid-sentence darting to me.

"Oh my gosh, Renesmee, you're head," she whimpered with anxiety. Immediately, she collected the hem of her robe and began dabbing at the blood from the cut on my hair line.

"Did Jacob do this?" Rose asked from behind.

"Rosalie, come on," Emmett retorted annoyed. He was coloring on the living room floor with, a seven year old looking, Lilly.

"It's just a question, accidents happen."

My mom was pressing the soft cotton fabric to my head when she retorted, "Rose, Jacob would never hurt her you know that. He'd kill himself before letting an accident happen."

I could feel myself begin to hyperventilate when she said Jacob's name. I went to speak but couldn't. Grabbing tight on her forearms my mind shouted at her, _They took my Jacob from me! _

"Jacob? Who?" my mom snarled pulling the end of her robe away from my head.

Thinking about it more in depth, I cracked. _Jacob could be dead! _I wrapped my arms around my mother, and hers fell behind my waist holding tight.

"We-we," I wiped my tears on her shoulders and stammered. Taking a gulp, I pulled back to look into my mother's golden eyes, "were supposed to get married."

Her jaw hit the floor when I said it, and she countered shocked, "Married? "

I flashed her the engagement ring. She grabbed my hand , gawking at the antique and my mother's face fell. Her forehead wrinkle and her lips pulled apart preparing to say something but she covered her mouth shaking her head, she was heartbroken.

Gathering me up into another hug she whispered into the crook of my neck, "Oh Renesmee, I-I can't, how could they do this to you?"

Her head adjusted up staring at the roof. If I knew my mother like I thought she had just opened her mind up to my father and called for him. Both her hands rested on my cheeks when she said, "Open your mind to your father please."

Taking hold of one of her wrists, I steadied my breathing and thought_, I don't have time to focus on that ma! They took my Jacob. The Volturi kidnapped him. I have to do something._

"We'll figure it out."

Dad was now here brushing a hand through my hair. Momma murmured startled, "Edward, the Volturi."

"I heard," he said. My mother moved aside so he could give me a hug.

"We just circled the perimeter, no sight of anyone or anything," Alice informed, "Ness did you do this to the door?"

"Alice? Jasper?" Esme rushed over wrapping both in her arms.

"Where the hell have you two been?" my mother asked.

The other's lingered at the thresh hold of the door until I gestured that they come into the house.

Momma turned and whispered ",the Amazon's." When she said it I remembered that's what momma called them. All followed in Nahuel came in last behind Zafrina. His hand was on the small of her back directing her in. She was a few inches taller than him, but by their body language, I wondered if that mattered to them.

"Hello Marcus," Carlisle greeted actually quite rudely. Something I never witness from my grandfather was impolite behavior. I thought he'd be in Seattle today at work.

Daddy pulled me into the living room but I couldn't sit, I observed Marcus and Carlisle speaking.

"Marcus," my father also coldly welcomed.

I looked over at Lilly whose little eyes were watering up. The sight of the red eyed people scared her to death. She clung onto Em looking at me, I looked to Rosalie making eye contact and turning back to Lilly. My expression was clear, I wasn't sure if Rosalie knew the extent of torment Lilly felt with the red eyes. Rose sat up, kissed Lilly on the forehead and ordered that Emmett take her upstairs.

"My friend, Carlise. How are you?" Marcus addressed him politely.

"I'm well, now what happened to my granddaughter?" My grandfather shocked me again with another sharp, rude recall.

Daddy looked at Alice with a death glare asking, "You joined the Volturi?"

"We had to."

"How could you?" Esme questioned. The disappointment was written all over her face.

"Why would you? No offense Marcus," my grandpa examined their decision, "but why would you two leave us without an explanation? Were you not happy with us?"

"Carlisle, you know we love it here. We searched for you to live our lives with you. This is our family, this is where we belong but-"

My momma cut Alice off ,"But what?"

Momma stomped over to the white couch and sat crossing her legs and arms peeved. I didn't notice I was pacing until I stopped behind the couch and laid a hand upon her shoulder saying, "Momma don't be mad at them."

"They've left me before when I needed them most and this time they take off to join the Volturi," she grunted.

Daddy stood by me, wrapping an arm around me. He placed as kiss on the crown of my head then added, "Ness is right, Bella listen to what they have to day."

Alice skipped over to my mother and took a seat beside her. She tried to form an apology but instead of apologizing she gave the reasons for their disappearance. "They were going to kill us, all of us and once we were dead, well , Aro planned to keep Renesmee."

Momma uncrossed her arms and requested, "What do you mean?"

Daddy grunted next to me. I looked up at him and his face held the angriest frown I had ever seen him express. He breathed deeply and heavily through his nostrils as Jasper said, "Aro wants to breed with Renesmee."

"That's disgusting, he disgusting!" Momma shouted bringer herself upright. Rose just had her mouth covered, Esme gasped and the rest of them either gritted their teeth or frowned at the those words.

"Which is why we left and joined. If only mine and Jasper's lives were at stake we would have fought but once Jane said Aro wanted Ness, we weren't taking a chance about something about that," Alice said reassuringly.

Momma turned to Alice giving an apologetic expression. "You joined to keep Renesmee safe?"

At last, Jasper spoke, "Yes, Aro bargained with us. He'd hold back on his plans if we joined and helped him."

Esme wrapped Jasper in a hug cooing, "I'm so proud of you two for keeping our Renesmee safe."

Momma draped her arms around Alice nearly in tears, but momma's eyes wouldn't give her that release. You could only see the thanks momma's eyes held. Alice turned back to Esme, "We only postponed it, Aro is waiting for us to return."

"What does he think you guys are doing?" Carlisle questioned with one hand in his pocket.

"They think we're finding Nahuel to bring him back."

Rose sat on the opposite of my mother, crossed her legs, brushed her fingers through her hair and questioned, "What's Wawkalak?"

Scratching my head, I began pacing again. Everyone gathered in the living room, finding their designated spot but I was behind the couch still. I answered as I nervously moved around, "Russian werewolves but they're good. They just can't control when they phase."

Japer and Alice nodded in agreement. " He thinks we're trying to convince the Wawkalak to join forces to kill off the Bodark."

"Now what are Bodark?" daddy countered.

I answered, "Bodark are Russian werewolves too but they're more animalistic. They phase only in moon light but they wanted to be werewolves so, they made a deal with the devil. However, they can't control their actions. They feed upon human flesh, Wawkalak don't."

"What's their purpose with destroying Bodarks?" Carlisle asked.

Shaking my head, I really had no clue. Why couldn't they leave them be?

Marcus retorted the information I could not give, "Their prejudice or Caius's prejudice against them. Selfishness, like this is why I left the Volturi."

Momma gritted her teeth and walked over to daddy, taking his hand. I didn't pay much attention to everyone's actions I kept paing, thinking, listening. I had to formulate a plan, we had to figure out where they had taken Jake.

"Okay," momma furiously said but tried to remain calm, " so, that's what Caius wants. Why does Aro want to breed with Renesmee? "

"He's sick," Nahuel heatedly retorted. I looked up to see his teak eyes burn in anger as he blankly stared at the floor. He carried on, " just sick. It's his little fantasy. He wants to see if it's possible."

Zafrina took his hand, and brought it up brushing it across her cheek. She rubbed it along her jaw line and kissed it. They turned to one another and spoke to one another with their eyes. She offered a smile and he calmed himself. Their physical contact made me wonder if Nahuel had finally found his soul mate.

"What's Jacob have to do with any of this?" I asked.

"They took Jacob for many reasons. Your connection to him is remarkable, unearthly. Aro knows if they have Jacob with them, you'll follow," Marcus to a seat as he began to talk to me, " They want you more than for breeding, you're friends with the Wawkalak."

Momma stopped my pacing and said, _**"**_Renesmee you should have told us."

"I don't want to relive it, especially to think about Little Joey."

"I'm sorry about that," Marcus apologized.

"It wasn't your fault, you were the only one who tried to stop it, as lazily as it was."

Finally, I thought of where I needed to start. It was common sense to start asking questions. "So where are they taking him?" I inquired putting both my hands on the back rest of the couch, I leaned all my weight on it waiting for an answer.

Marcus brought his hand up saying, "I have not a clue."

"Did they take him to Russia?" Momma wondered.

Nahuel said,"They left Moscow, they must have gone back to Volterra."

"Doubtful, the Volturi has more than double even tripled in size," Jasper shook his head disagreeing.

" The Volterra compound isn't large enough," I said biting my nails, "That's one of the reason they moved to Russia." Sitting on the armrest I kept thinking of a plan.

I found it hard to think with all the sudden questions and comments coming up. I plugged my ears and started pacing again but I could still here each and everyone of them.

"I can't believe they kidnapped Jacob."

"Renesmee, sweetie you hungry?"

"This is crazy."

"Renesmee, has such a huge role in this."

"What do we do?"

"Are we in danger?"

"I'm still confused."

"Who's little Joey?"

No one would shut the hell up. Not only that but I was frustrated because I didn't have a plan, I couldn't think of what to do. Finally, snapping I screamed, _"Shut up! Everyone just shut up! Be quiet! _Why are we just standing around, talking about it, asking stupid questions! Let's get a plan in motion! We have to save Jacob."

I peered at everyone to see if if everyone was staring at me, but everyone looked past me and I turned to find Seth standing behind me. "Uh, hi?" he said and forced a smile.

"Seth, go get the pack." I ordered.

"What about Lilly?"

"She'll be here when you get back, all our lives may be at stake now go tell the pack they need to be here by five!"

He hesitated. But I ordered, "Go, now!"

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Okay, I wanted fifteen but beggers can't be chosers. Ten ain't bad. Alright, I sorta lost steam here at the end, but I figured it be good that I didn't become too detailed so you could follow what's happening. And aren't we glad to see Nahuel? Any questions or suggestions will be nice.

**Special Thanks to:**

Kaplu, Jacob A Potter, Rylie 16, Randomeow, inomniaperatus2, Black Phoenix-2009, luv2beloved, Patty(heart)cake, veraleeon and lena0123 for reviewing. I feel like I forgot some and if I did, sorry. Thanks for reading.

_**Chapter 30 preview**_

"What do you we do Ness?"

"Why are you asking me?Ask Leah."

"You're, in charge."

"Jake may be our Alpha Ness, but last time I heard he said if anything drastic was to happen that you were in charge."

"That makes you Beta."

"No Leah is."


	76. Chapter 30 His SafeGuard

**Chapter 30 -His SafeGuard-**

I was sick of pacing all I could do was stride back and forth, back and forth. I walked in the same narrow circle, for God knows how long, thinking of ways to find Jacob. My body began to overheat, imagining what they could be doing to them. And the dozens of pairs of eyes I felt intently staring wasn't helping. Sneaking a quick look into the living room, my thoughts were confirmed when everybody was gawking. I hoped while they were staring at me they were computing their own plans.

With Jacob's heavy green jacket weighing me down, I decided to take it off. Stepping down into the sunken living room, I sat on the one long step swathing my legs in his jacket.

Leaning forward I rested my forehead on my knees breathing in the lingering aroma of Jacob on his jacket. _At least no one can see me now._ The couch kept me hidden from my family and the visitors. By now my mother had already changed into regular clothes and even put a pair of sneakers on. I could hear the rubber sole hitting the hardwood floors as she walked over and sat next to me. Soothingly, she massaged my back with her palm saying, "It'll be okay Renesmee."

Sitting up straight, I wrapped my arms around her. Now weeping, I uttered incoherent words that my mother understood in some way.

"W-we have t-to find him, Momma I need him, I ca-can't live without him," I stuttered.

Burying my face in my mother's cold shoulder, she kissed the back of my head and ran her icy fingers through my hair. I could feel the freezing on my scalp, which not only sent a shivering pulse through my body but caused an ache in my chest. As consoling as my mother was, her coolness wasn't the comfort I wanted, but it would do. In truth, I desired the warm soothing touch of Jacob's fingers running through my hair, I craved his sizzling arms wrapped around me burning my waist and his hot lips against mine scorching them. The want to feel a complete opposite of what I felt now, was so strong. I needed the heat.

Momma leaned her cheek against my head and whispered, "We will Nudge, I guarantee we will find him. We just have to find a source that'll lead us to Jacob."

"A source?" I spoke to myself as the front door snap shut.

Seth marched himself in the room saying, "Ness, they're on their way."

I didn't respond, I simply gave eye contact so he saw I heard him.

"Can I go see Lilly?" he asked me.

"Uhm," I mumbled baffled that he was asking my permission to see Rosalie's daughter. I sat up, searching for my father, when he came into my view I asked, " Daddy can you update Seth on everything, first?"

"Yes, I can do that," he agreed.

My head began aching from my thinking. Momma said we have to find a source. There had to be a source that guided me to Jake. None of my family had that were valuable, they knew nothing of the Volturi's where-abouts. Apparently Marcus was oblivious to their plans. Nahuel claimed they left Moscow. Jasper stated due to the Volturi's size they couldn't have gone back to Volterra. The Amazons; Zafrina, Senna and Kachiri, couldn't possible know they were never involved with the Volturi. It seems Alice and Jasper sought them out in case they needed aid and when they found Nahuel he clicked with the Amazon's. Speaking of Aunt Ally, she was susceptible to beings she isn't or never was, which sucked, because if she could see me or Jacob we wouldn't be in this jam.

"That's it!" I howled sitting up. My mother, still on the step, looked up to me puzzled by my outburst.

"Momma, Lilly's the source."

Running to Rosalie's side, I had Jake's jacket still tightly gripped in my hands as I questioned, "Did Lilly ever tell you anything?"

It seemed like an eternity before Rosalie responded. Her eyes panned the floor before she let out a cry. "Oh my God," she gasped, "I didn't listen to her." Rosalie delicately brought both hands over her mouth in stunned guilt.

"I swear I thought she was talking about her dreams," my mom muttered under her breath.

"None of us listened," Esme gasped in the same fashion of Aunt Rose.

"What'd she say! What'd she say!" I shouted.

"Non-sense I never understood her, blue rooms, red eyed people, you and Jacob."

Infuriated that they were so blind, I inquired as nicely as possible, "So she's been saying odd things?"

"Yes," Rosalie answered, " but I thought she was talking about dreams or making up stories."

"Why!" I yelled pacing yet again through the middle of the living room. "Why doesn't anyone listen to her, she's just as accurate if not more dependable than Alice's visions."

Hoping I didn't offend Alice, I turned to her. She was sitting on the couch, cross legged pressing fingers to her temples but she replied, " I've noticed she can see you and Jacob. I can't. Then again, it makes sense that she can see Halflings like herself."

"Alice, don't call her that," I snapped at her.

She stiffened on the couch across the room. I don't think she was used to me being so blunt.

"Why not?" she questioned as Embry, Collin and Brady stepped in the house.

"Hey Ness what's the deal? I was going to go to dinner with Claire, Sam and Emily are waiting for me right now," Quil said.

"What's going on? Seth said it was an emergency," Embry asked interrupting what I wanted to state to Alice. He came up behind me putting his hand on the small of my back. Recalling Jacob's annoyance with Embry, I noticed that he was touching me in a fairly intimate way. All this time, how could I not see that he had developed feelings for me? I never thought twice about his touching or friendliness being more than friendly, because I was blinded by my love for Jacob, and the miscarriage. As handsome as he was, his touch did nothing, absolutely nothing.

"Jacob's gone," I said and Embry became rigid hastily removing his hand from my back. Carrying on I said, "If you guys go talk to my dad and Carlisle they'll tell you what's happening."

I acknowledged Brady as he passed by,"Hey Brady."

"Sorry 'bout Jake."

All three shirtless wolves sauntered their way over to my father who was finishing up explaining to Seth, the circumstances.

Being completely honest with Alice I got back to the topic at hand, her calling Lilly a Halfling was wrong, if it was me I could care less. I replied, "That's all they called her, to degrade her. It stirs up old memories she doesn't need to remember."

"I'm sorry," Ally apologized at the precise moment Seth came back from speaking with my father and grandfather.

I stood in a stationary spot, like a statue. Shaken by these happenings, I glided my fingers over my engagement ring. Knowing I was to be married to Jake, triggered the sadness. I swore tears were going to fall from my eyes thinking he was so far from me and may never return. I had to figure this out and the imprint was giving me troubling, gruesome thoughts.

It really was strong, a great pull we had. I had to tell Embry or Leah to tell, Paul, Sam and Jared not to come, they didn't need to be separated from their imprints, from the one's they love for what I needed. I had my parents, my family, my Amazon friend's along with Marcus and Nahuel. They would help, Leah and Embry would help. The Wawkalak's were my friends, too they'd be the biggest advantage in the entire battle. _A battle?_ I did not want a battle, I didn't want drained blood, mutilation, exposed flesh or the grief of loss. Svetlana, Peter and Joesph came to mind. My Wawkalak's did not deserve to die little Joey mainly. The misery and heartache of this and Jacob missing me was eating away at my heart, my very soul was beginning to evaporate. Every bad feeling and situation in my past came to mind.

"Ness please tone it down," Jasper requested. I heard him, but I didn't answer. I had the continuous thought of Jacob being harmed. I made a promise to myself that Jacob was going to make it home. And if that didn't happen, I was going to murder every last one of the members of the Volturi. Gnawing at the inside of my cheek, I bit harder. Blood was seeping into my teeth and I could taste the rust on my tongue. If I couldn't execute them, I will die trying.

Searching for Embry,I needed him to inform the other pack members to not bother coming to the house. My head turned to find my father standing in the dining room, giving me an animosity type of glare. He must have read my thoughts, _Was I that exposed?_ He my vision away from daddy, I composed a plan.

I didn't begin to shift my weight from one foot to the other until Seth's thunderous sighs. His heavy panting bothered me, it sparked old memories of how protective Jacob was with me. I couldn't indict his nervous behavior, I'd be the same way.

Uncle Emmett barged in the foyer, shouting, "What's up? I knew I smelt dog."

All Embry, Quil and Leah waved from the dining room, giving their greeting and Seth shook his hand.

"Emmett," I said sitting next to my mother on the couch, " Rose 'll update you."

A very keyed up Emmett squealed, "Is it exciting?"

Rosalie glided behind the couch, where Emmett was bouncing in anticipation.

I said shrilly, "Probably for you. Could you guys go get Lillian?"

Silently, my aunt and uncle agreed departing from the increasingly chilly room.

Defensively Seth blatantly said, "Wait, what does she have to do with anything?"

"She's a source," I replied gazing at the magazines on the coffee table in front of me.

"A source?"

"She can see our futures the way Alice can't. She can help find Jacob."

Seth sat on the coffee table across from me, my mother and aunt Ally, who had her eyes closed shut. She was like a statue you would find in a cemetery. She was eerily still, with her feet pressed firmly to the ground and her hands folded politely, like this was a formal affair.

"What's wrong with Nessie?" Lilly asked from above and behind me. I turned to find her holding Rosalie's hand, bouncing down the stairs, skipping from step to step like a game of hop slotch.

"She need's you're help," Emmett answered on the hill of his wife and daughter.

As soon as she caught sight of Seth she called his name and rushed over to him. Seth's body was sheathed in Lilly's short arms. "Hey Lil's," he smiled, kissed her dark hair and picked her up to sit on his lap. She took notice to the red eyed people across the room making her body tremble.

Leaning forward toward the coffee table Lillian and Seth sat on, I questioned, "Lils, what did you tell your mom about Uncle Jakey?"

"Uhm?" she frowned wiggling out of Seth's lap and over to my side pressing her head into my lap. " Nothing, I was dreaming," she muttered into my lap. Seth looked to whoever was behind me, completely devastated that Lillian had come to my side.

Slanting down to the back of her head, I whispered to her communicating, "They're nice, I promise." I rubbed her back sending console to her about the friendly vampires. Shifting a bit, she wrapped her arms around my waist, shivering even now. I returned the hug, to let her know I would keep her safe from the red eyed people she feared so much.

" Lilly what did you see?" I queried petting her chin length hair.

Bending up Lilly sat up straight, not looking to me and replied, "Uncle Jakey was being taken by the red eye people."

This I knew, I furthered my questions. "Where, Lils, where did they take him**?"**

"The big house with the blue room, or wooden house, where the big snow was."

"That's not possible, they left Russia," Nahuel replied.

"Unless they went back," Collin said.

Zafrina turned to my friend and rudely retorted, "Thanks for stating the obvious."

I was half glad she replied with that. Was this really time for stupid questions or comments? But she was rude to my pack, I felt like when Jake wasn't here, I had to be their safeguard, I need to be Jake's safeguard. I hurled a fast remark, "Zafrina, if you don't mind, there's no need for unneeded sarcasim toward any of my pack members or anyone else for that matter."

Bowing her head she said, "I apologize dear Renesmee."

I turned my whole attention to my cousin. "Lilly are they going to hurt Jacob?"

She at last looked into my eyes, with her bright blue ones and recited,"Maybe."

"Why maybe?"

Lillian's eyes fixed on her mother. Knowing my aunt Rosalie, she would be protective of Lillian. She would tell her not to not talk about her bad dreams because they aren't real but these weren't dreams, they were sights of forth coming even if she did see them in her dreams. Alice would have to teach her about premonitions.

"Go ahead, Lilly tell Ness," Rose nodded.

Hugging me tighter she cried out, "I don't want Nessie to leave again."

"Lilly please." I begged and pleaded with my everything inside.

Pointing to Marcus, the Amazon's and Nahuel saying, "What if the bad people take me?"

Gaping at the vampires, Kachuri and Senna, who hadn't uttered a word since they stepped foot into my home, stood alongside Zafrina who was still sitting besides Nahuel holding his hand. I wanted to check and see if I could really trust them, I looked intently into each one of their eyes waiting for one to falter and turn away. However, each kept their stare and behind each red irid colored eye and the maroon set, was sympathy for me. I told Lilly, "They're not bad people Lillian they're here to help us."

"Then, what if the other red eye people come back? You need to keep me safe."

"Do you remember what I said when I left for school?"

Her head moved left to right, gesturing a "no."

"Yes, you do, you're smart Lillian. What did I say?"

Getting up from the couch she stepped over to Seth, who was still on the coffee table across from me, patiently waiting for her to return to his lap. She did just that and said, "Mommy, daddy and Seth can… protect, me better."

"Yes."

"And ya have the wolves…"Seth added.

" And us, your family," Bella put her put in.

I adhered my hand to hers saying, " I need to know what the bad people want with uncle Jacob. Do you know?"

"If you don't go back to the bad people," she paused waning from saying anything, "They kill uncle Jacob."

"How long do I have?" I glanced to Alice who was still frozen as a monument, then looked at Lilly demandning, "When Lils? When do they want me to go see them?"

Lilly was befuddled by my domineering tone. She peered around the living room and became very aware of the eyes staring t her. I waited for this little girl to answer. I prayed she had the answer, fate was in her hands. When her lips began to quiver, Rose and Emmett went to her side and reassured her that there was no pressure. He answer was delayed as she repeated, "Uhm? Uhm? I-i?"

"Two days," Alice interrupted.

"That's not enough time to get there," I exclaimed and Lillian was so perplexed by my odd behavior. To her me being in hysterics wasn't normal.

Leah stepped further into the living room from the connecting hall, "What do you we do Ness?"

"Yeah, Ness what's the plan?" Embry said.

"Why are you asking me?" I stood and moved away from the people. I was being suffocated by the surrounding beings.

" Ask Leah," I pointed at her from the entryway.

Quil said "You're, in charge." Like it was no big news to him.

Seth rocked Lilly back and forth in his lap and Brady stated, "Jake may be our Alpha Ness but last time I heard he said if anything drastic was to happen that you were in charge."

"That makes you Beta, " he informed me, but from the look on each pack members face this wasn't news, it wasn't shocking like it was to me. My family intently listen trying to understand the report unraveling in front of them

Pointing at Leah again," I articulated the truth to them, "No. Leah is."

Leah finally chimmed in, "I'm second to Jacob, but you're-you're I don't know Alpha-female. So that makes me third, after you."

"That explains it?" Seth laughed.

"Ohhh." Brady's mouth resonated in my ears. Something clicked to him.

"Explains what?" I asked.

Seth had a tight hold of adazed Lillian, he looked at me but spoke to the bodies in the room, "When I walked in, I came to see Lilly but as soon as I stepped through that door Renesmee ordered me to get the pack together. I hesitated but did what she told me even though I didn't want to."

"You controlled him the same way Jacob would," my mother said and was left with what appeared to be a broken jaw, hitting the floor and pressed eyebrows.

"How? How can I, I'm not even Quiluete."

"You have the tattoo," Embry joked. I growled annoyed, I was up for a joke anytime but this was no time to joke. My Jacob was missing, my soul mate had been kidnapped.

Daddy didn't seem stunned either. Carlisle confirmed what I knew was true, "Ness, you have the knowledge."

"Ness, do you remember when I told you, how people felt around you?" Jasper questioned but I gazed at him with no reply.

"People gravitate to you, listen to you, always pay attention to you, your opinions especially Jacob, you're a major part of his life. It makes sense that you have become the Beta."

Marcus spoke from the accent chair in the corner, " You're relationship with him is beyond love. There's more love than I've ever felt between too people, but there's something more and I can't understand what it is."

"The imprint is stronger than I thought," daddy said from behind. He had his hands on my mother's shoulders, gripping them as if he was trying to figure out what that something more Jacob and I had was.

I spoke under my breath, "I control him."

I was trying to connect the dots but it was hard to, were they saying that mine and Jacob's relationship goes beyond love? Like we were meant not only to love one another but were destined for a greater future? I decided they had no clue what they were talking about. Even vampires can make mistakes.

"We have to go to Russia and speak with the Wawalak."

"Wawalak?" Leah frowned.

"I'll explain everything in further detail in a sec. Let me think. " When I had a plan set I talked. "Half of you need to stay and half needs to come with me. Seth stay with Lilly. Quil you stay with Claire, call Jared, Paul and Sam tell them to forget about coming and let them know what happened to Jake. Leah and Embry are coming with me. Collin, Brady you go where you're useful."

"You don't want us to go?"Seth wondered.

"I couldn't' separate any of you from your imprints, it's not a good feeling, that's why I'm having Leah and Embry come. They don't have imprints yet."

"What do we do when we get there?" Embry wondered.

"I'll think of something, I have to find the Wawkalak first."

Quil shoved his hands in his pocket, clearly he was ready to leave and go back Claire. But anyways, he asked, "Are you sure you don't want all the pack to come?"

"Paul, Jared and Sam have family's and the majority of you have imprints. I guess it's up to you, but La Push needs to be protected,"

"You won't need our help in Moscow?" Brady asked.

"Yes, Momma I could us your help, you and daddy, Ally and Jazz, Nahuel, the Amazon's, Marcus. I think I have a plan but I need to get in contact with the Wawalak. Leah and Embry go pack please we're leaving tonight."

* * *

**SPECIAL THANKS TO:**_Geminigirl12_ for favorite-ing this story. _JacobAPotter_ for revewing. _MissBeach_ for putting this up on your story alert. _MioneWriter007 _thanks for reviewing putting me on favorite author, having this on story alert and calling this the best story you've read. _Ms RenesmeeCarlie_ for having this on story alert. _brightredcherries_ for placing this on story alert as well as your favorite story. _Feelingofmine_ for saving me as your favoite author. _knicnort3_ for having this as a favorite story. _micaelarenee24 _for favorite-ing this story. _msr709_ for favorite-ing my story. _Noble Korhedron, Inomniaperatus2, Rylie16, patty(heart)cake, luv2belove, gjmb2000, , lena0123_ all for reviewing.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **I don't have much to say at the moment except here it is, this one was a pain to write. Remember I'm writing from scratch now, all this time I had my story plotted out and premeditated. Now what happens next is just as big a suprise to me as it'll be to you.

Here's some response to your pm's and reviews: I'm glad some of you noticed she was stronger than she's been, her mans in trouble and she has to fight. Yes, there will be some fluff coming back. Perhaps, Nahuel got his happy ending. What do you think? Odd matching put both Zafrina and Nahuel are from South America. I can't let Jake and Ness be, then there'd be no story. Debating on whether or not to do a small Jake POV. You tell me?

I have to add that, as you can see I have many recently new fans from the last chapter as well as my old fans. Reviews really do make my day and the more reviews I get the faster I update. It's that simple. Love you guys, feed back PLEASE. Also check out my other story FATED. Swear you'll love it!

**Chapter 31 preview: **

**Here's a loose written preview**

_"Leah, I want to thank you," I said with deep heart felt sincerity._

_"For what?"_

_"For coming, helping me."_

_"I'm not doing it for your sake, I have my own reasons."_

_"You don't care about Jacob?"_

_"Did I say that?"_

_"Don't get all huffy, I'm just wanted to say thanks for supporting me. I thought you were actually concerned with Jake's well being. "_

_"I care more than you know Ness."_


	77. Chapter 31 Stepping Stone

**Chapter 31 –Stepping Stone-**

(Still Ness's POV)

Coming home was no blue Monday, not a thing was back to the customary. No longer was I, lost little Nessie, pining over the love of a man, that would never be mine. Nevertheless, in one swift shift, I now was to be married to the one man I lived my life for. At long last, I was the one thing I longed to be for Jacob, his imprint. But of course, nothing is easy nor does it fall into place perfectly. As soon as my happy ending was drawing to an end, the Volturi had to come a ruin everything precisely as they always do. Those Italian murderers had to take the one thing that kept me in the right state mind, they had to kidnap my Jacob. For some reason, they couldn't let my family be.

Within hours of Jacob's disappearance and several thousand dollars later a majority of us were on our way to Russia. A few rows back I could hear Lillian and Seth chatting away. I had decided it would be best Lillian came since she could see me and Jacob in her weak precognition. Yes, she had a very feeble outlook. She still second guessed herself and couldn't tell the difference between dreams and her premonitions. Sometimes I believed she could see so far into the future that it's make no sense to anyone. Like back in December when she drew pictures of Jacob and I being married. She hit the nail on the head with that one and I'm sure there are many other things she spoke of that I can't recall.

Biting the fingernail of my thumb, I looked over, diagonally to my left, where Rosalie and Jasper sat. I watched them interact with one another, it made sense they acted as twins. Jasper understood her egotism wasn't as bad as it seemed it was proud , but her loyalty always outweighed her high self awareness. I believed they both understood each other more was because they've both been used in their previous relationships. Relationships that they considered true love, but it only turned out they were taken advantage of and used as pawns and arm candy. Alice was in the very rear of the plane. She wanted to be alone so she could possible see something, anything helpful. Emmett hung back along with my parents, Grandparents, Nahuel, Marcus and the Amazons. They're probably a few hours behind us by now on another flight.

I wrapped Jacob's green jacket around me, since the air in the plane of the Boeing 747 was turning cold. It was the exact jacket he had on minutes before he was stolen from me, it hadn't left my side. An older man coughed in the seats on the opposite side of the row, which only made think of all the germs and sickness floating around. And even though I've never been sick a day in my life, I felt the need to pull the collar of the jacket up over my nose and mouth. I kicked my shoes off to and pulled my legs up to a criss cross to settle myself.

I was unsure of the time, all I knew that it's been more than two hours since the layover in London. The town I left my virginity in. We were at the exact airport Jacob and I were at a year ago. I was in the same terminal sitting on the uncomfortable seats, staring at the same gate Jacob and I stepped through. It taunted me, only giving me more anxiety. Pulling my fingernail from my mouth, I became angry. So angry, that all my nervousness washed away.

Now that I've gotten baptized, Lilith had no control over my children because I couldn't conceive one. What now that, I couldn't give her control over my child, she wanted control over my happiness? That demon wouldn't be happy until I was miserable. Perhaps, that's why the world is the way it is. She's in cahoots with the devil watching and getting pleasure from the agony of people.

"Will you stop?" Leah interjected. I noticed I was biting my nails, making a loud clipping noise with each failed attempt to rip the nail off with my teeth. I quit and began to chew on the inside of my cheek and rub my nails against each other, producing a chattering type writer noise.

"Stop," Leah said. She grabbed my hand and gave me a frown saying, "you're going from one annoying sound to the other. Try and get some sleep."

Does she not think I tried to sleep? I couldn't help it, I was worried of what may happen. _I wondered if Jacob felt this way when he me to save me?_ With that thought, I knew I couldn't be this person, who was full of fear and pessimism. How could Leah follow me as so called Beta and be comfortable with the nervous wreck I was being? I had to be strong, if not for my pack or family, I had to be for Jacob. I was in charge and at fault for this whole ordeal.

I had to finalize my strategy to get us all out of this alive.

As I thought of the plan, Lilly was now giggling about something. From her seat, Rosalie twirled around to see what the laughter was about. She tucked the blonde hair behind her ear and exposed her white teeth and faint dimples in a smile. It was good to see Rosalie this way.

Sucking in more breath, Embry nearly choked on the loudest snore to come from mankind. I thought I'd be nice and let him use my shoulder as a pillow but his volume was irritating my ear and I didn't know his head weighed a ton and was as hot as an iron. I attempted to shake him off, but he wouldn't budge. Finally, I just pushed his head up from my left shoulder with my palm, which startled him but didn't wake him.

Leah was on my right looking out the port hole plane window. Her shoulder length hair was pulled back into a pony tail, which was rare. Her usual style was down and naturally dried. It seemed that she used a blow dryer for once. The sunrise made her tan skin glow and her dark hair shine. Big brown eyes, perfect eye brows, high cheek bones and plump lips graced her face. As I gawked at her like a recently discovered treasure, I noticed how beautiful she really was.

As she gazed out the window onto a form of water, that reflected the sunlight. Without moving her head, she asked, "What?"

Uneasy that she noticed, I shook my head and blinked as I responded quickly, " I've never seen your hair pulled back."

"I don't want my hair tangled, from leaning back in this chair for twenty hours."

I wasn't sure what I should say, so I divulged the first thought I had. "Leah, I want to thank you."

She looked to me, with a tilted head and a perplexed glower. "For what?" she asked.

"For coming, helping me."

"I didn't do it for your sake, I have my own reasons."

Leaning up from the awkward seats of the plane, I rotated my upper body to face her. I softly said to her, "You don't care about what happens to Jacob?"

"Did I say that?" she asked, not like the friend I thought I gained, but like the old bitter Lean I once knew.

I heatedly snapped at her, with undertone to not disrupt the other passengers of the plane, "Don't get all huffy, I'm just wanted to say thanks for supporting me. I thought you were actually concerned with Jake's well being. "

Leah looked back to the window mechanically and she whispered, "I care more than you know Ness."

"What do you mean?"I questioned her odd comment. Folding her arms, she closed the tiny shade on the window. With rigid lips and a blank stare to the seat in front of her, I could see the distress in her eyes as she rested the back of her head on the stiff seat. It was so clearly in her eyes as to what bothered her.

When I came to the conclusion of what she was feeling, I didn't know how to react. _Should I be angry with her right now?_ But I sympathized with her, once upon of time I was in love with Jacob when I thought he could never be mine.

"You love him," I said.

She didn't respond, or move or look to me. She bit her lip.

"Oh my gosh!" I silently exclaimed, "How long?"

"Within the last couple years," she responded feeling humiliated.

I couldn't say, I blamed her but she fell in love with _my Jacob_, the man who imprinted on me. She knew he imprinted on me and with that thought, I expressed what was on my brain, "But you know he imprinted on me."

With her arms still folded, she released an exaggerated sigh, closed her eyes and bowed her head. All while simultaneously saying, " Every time were on patrol I'm reminded that, I'm reminded how much he loves you. _You_ keep him breathing. I even get to witness your love making repeatedly."

Horrified at that news, I covered my eyes with a palm remembering that in the pack, they couldn't have their own personal thoughts or memories.

"Your thoughts are all intertwined," I understood. Months ago she said something about being in love with two men that couldn't be hers.

"I thought it'd be Embry you fell for," I said.

Very bothered, she released another sigh to finally make eye contact with me.

"No," she replied exasperated, "Embry wants you, Jacob wants you, Sam married Emily."

"Leah, you'll find someone some day."

"I've been waiting over ten years to find my imprint, or only someone to love. It's never going to happen. And the two people I had to fall for, fate already had their soul mates picked out for them."

My heart did go out to her. I don't think I would be able to live if Jacob was with another woman, if he loved another woman.

"Are you sure that was love with Sam? Are you positive you're in love with Jake?" I asked. It was a question I hope she'd ask herself, she quite possibly not even know what love is.

" It doesn't matter Jacob has you and as for Sam, I was just a stepping stone to Emily."

It was sad that she thought of herself this way, like merely a pawn in destiny's game. That she was a link in the imprinting process. She acted as if she wasn't worthy to have once had Sam's love. I know she had to be happy once upon a time.

"Maybe?" I speculated, " I don't know, maybe someone else is a stepping stone to you."

Her next remark upset me. "Oh, yeah like you or Jacob?"

If either Jacob or I were her stepping stone, it wouldn't be to our child. My mother was that link to me but how could Jake or I be that to Leah? I couldn't have children.

"No I'm infertile. But perhaps, a coworker," and a bit more excited I said, "or maybe you'll find your imprint in Russia."

"Doubt it."

"You don't know."

" Ness," her voice cracked with despair, "my imprint could already be dead."

"No Leah, that's not possible. That's not how it works."

"I'm not as lucky as you Ness, first Sam then Jacob."

"Have faith, Lee." That's all I could say before we were all left to our thoughts.

It was hours before either one of us said anything. I watched part of the in flight movie but was annoyed at the obvious one struggle then happy ending outcome. I asked for a water and went to used the restroom. When I walked back to the lavatory I checked on a very frustrated Alice. I came back to my seat, to find a still sleeping Embry and a quiet Leah.

At long last, I was drifting off to sleep. Leah woke me by asking "Why'd you make Jacob go on a date with me?"

"That was so long ago," I responded rubbing my eyes.

"Why though?"

"Uhm…" I paused searching for the answer, trying to reminiscence. It was after all so long ago, over a year when he went missing the first time, for three days. Only to learn he wasn't missing but unconscious at Leah's.

I continued, " It was when he went missing, he had to regenerate for a few days at your house."

"I remember."

"He took me to lunch when he came back, then started complaining about you but I cut him off and I joked that you two should just date already. He wondered if I was okay with that, I didn't get why he asked that but I said yeah. And now I know that he, loved me he really didn't want me to be fine with him dating other people. But I, I felt like I was holding him back from dating, from life. I thought you two would be a good fit and I assumed he imprinted on you, so ya know?" I shrugged looking to her," I acted like I was okay with him dating anybody."

"I hoped that maybe it was because you didn't want to be with him, and he was trying to move on. It got my hopes up."

"Hopes?" I wondered.

"Yeah, we were two heartbroken fools, we belonged together. Then the patrol after our date I found out you encouraged us to go on a date and, " she quit. Her eyes watered up and I wasn't sure how to act. Leah wasn't the crying type she was the one who if she was sad, she'd punch you in the face so you could be in pain like her.

"Aunt Leah, don't please," I begged. I didn't want to see her cry, "I'm already stressed as it is I don't need you crying."

Rubbing her nose, and wringing her hands she changed the subject. "You know how Jake was in love with your mother?"

I was lost, it didn't make sense for her to go from one subject to another. Rolling my eyes, from the knowledge of Jacob's past love I responded, "Yeah."

"For him Bella was that bridge, that stepping stone to you."

"Yes, make sense."

"At first I thought…" she paused and didn't finish her sentence. She said, "Sam was mine, all mine, or so I thought and we loved each other. I was ready to marry him the first week we started dating but he married my cousin. I was that stepping stone for him and I think Jacob's mine."

"You think he_ was _or_ is_?"

Her deep brown eyes, almost turned black from the desolation that was in them."I'm afraid the baby you miscarried was my imprint."

My jaw dropped, a shook my head as I said, "No, Leah, no."

"Why else would I love Jacob more than I loved Sam?"

That was news to me but she sustained her speech, "Why would I like you despite the fact your half vampire? It doesn't make sense?"

"Leah, I wasn't supposed to have that baby," I thought back to the stupid curse, " I can't have a baby. "

"Yes you can. You're not like me or Rosalie, you still have a menstrual cycle."

"Not really, it's touch and go. It's not consistent, the odds of me having a baby again…

there's this curse Leah."

"A curse?" she asked and raised her brows at me as if I was the stupidest person.

"Yes, half vampires or vampires aren't meant to have children, that's why I miscarried. It wasn't meant to be."

"I don't believe in curses. They're not real."

I just smiled at her, I've never seen a million dollars but I know it exists. I couldn't deny the existence of Lilith even if I have never seen her.

"Like vampires and werewolves aren't real?" I threw words at her.

"The fact is," she started and raised a hand and pressed the button over head to call the flight attendant over, "I felt utterly depressed when I found out you miscarried."

I adjusted myself, regretting my choice of jeans for a twenty hour flight. I stated, "Empathy."

"No," she moved her head back and forth, "that's not me."

"It doesn't sound like you, but you have a heart Leah. You're not as insensitive as you think. I don't think there's a callous bone in your body, you just hide your emotions."

"I do. Perhaps you may be right, but a part of me just ached for the both of you in different ways. I didn't want you to move, not just for Jacob's sake but for mine. And I hated that Jacob went missing days at a time and he wouldn't phase when he came home so I didn't know if he was okay. Baby Joseph was my imprint Ness, he had to have been."

"Nope. It couldn't be," I affirmed I wouldn't believe that no one couldn't have a happy ending. I wanted to answer her question in some way she'd understand and I asked my question out of curiosity, "What would happen if I died, how would Jacob react?"

"He'd kill whoever caused it," I gulped at the thought of Jacob's rage but I listen to Leah, "if anyone caused your passing. Then he'd kill himself."

"Do you feel suicidal right now?"

"I feel extremely depressed."

"Then how can Joseph be your imprint if you still have the will to live?"

I thought out witted her made her realize she was wrong but she brought up a very good point. "I never got to lay eyes on him Renesmee, I never got to feel all my problems disappear by only seeing his face."

I couldn't fathom how wonderful imprinting must be. Was imprinting that blissful, that freeing? To start over with a clean slate and forget your past pain does sound pretty appealing. It apparently is that way, that is what Leah thought. She was clearly distressed and heart broken over the thought that my son had passed, that she never meet her imprint.

"Is that what it's like?" I questioned.

Clearly aggravated Leah tugged the hair tie from her hair, letting her hair fall. She ran her thin fingers through her hair and spoke, "I guess, the guys say it's as if nothing else, in your life has any significance any longer. No matter how much you love your family, you love your imprint more, not matter how much hatred you have in your heart, you love your imprint enough to change. Anyways, I'm not sure how else to explain how imprinting feels." Her voice trailed off, then she looked to Embry. I followed her gaze to him. Embry's head was straight up with the air, his adam's apple protruded and his mouth was wide open. I just smirked and turned to Leah who kept talking, " He and I don't think it's going to happen for us."

"It will and basically your number one priority is your imprint?"

Nodding to agree she explained how Jacob described it. She said, " Jacob explained it best. He said once he saw you, it was like having a clean slate," I grinned when she said that, since that was my same thought, "A fresh start in life, nothing in his past mattered because he had you. He said, gravity doesn't hold you to the earth your imprint does. You're his gravity. You keep him sane, satisfied, happy. I want to experience that."

"Why are you so desperate for that?"

"I don't want to dwell on my past anymore. I don't like to think about Sam and his happy little family or Jacob and your budding romance. I don't like to think about my father's death or the fact that I can never start my own family because I'm in an immortal form. I know the pack gets annoyed with me but I really can't help where my thoughts take me, no matter how much I fight them. I want to have an imprint not only to wipe my past away but I also want to be happier. I know I'm bitter, I don't purposely try, it's just how I am," I watched her become teary eyed and whip whatever began to fall away from her eyes, "Maybe if I imprint I'd be happy again, maybe everyone would like to be around me."

I nudged her with my elbow and said, "Leah. You'll find your imprint. You will."

"I hope so, because I don't know how much more of life I can take."

"It only gets better Leah."

I leaned back and rested. The first plan of action once we landed in Russia was to speak to the Wawkalak for back up_. I have to find Ulyana Arsov. _Once I found her, and explained the plan, I'd turn myself into Volturi.

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

So this is my filler chapter, a lot of reference to past chapter's in not onmy gravity but last sunrise. Not a lot going on and I'm okay with this chapter I guess. I didn't edit, as usual, I know I should have SORRY. In truth, I'm never happy with chapter that I breezed through writing but I know you guys are waiting and now we know who Leah is in love with. Chapter 20 (Not Momma) was the chapter she dropped that bomb that she loved two men.

Sorry it's been so long since I updated, I'm just losing steam cuz there seems to be a lack of interest in this story. Oh if you have questions please ask me, I'll try to tie lose ends, also this story is far from over I have ideas flying out my head, I just have to find time to write it and know you readers still want more.

Any ideas about what may happen? Or any ideas for my story in general?

Also, I may update Fated soon.

**THANKS TO:**

All my readers**.**Noble Korhedron, gjmb200, luv2beloved, JacobAPotter for reviewing. Bratkaren for favorite-ing this story. LRtwiHart for putting it on story alert. Feeling of mine for adding me to their favorite author list. And to my favorite reviewer, Patty(heart)cake as always I LOVE your loooooonnnnnngggg reviews and you always review each chapter for all my stories, you're amazing.


	78. Chapter 32 On Tenterhooks

**Chapter 32 -On Tenterhooks-**

We touched down in a cloud blanketed Moscow. For once, I was disappointed in the dreary weather, I actually hoped for sunlight. Usually my love for rainy weather improved my mood but now it seemed sunlight would be my security blanket, it carried warmth like my Jacob. Though it was overcast, I guess that was some form of good luck. My family would be able to roam freely in public if need be. I'm sure that wouldn't be a problem since we were heading to the outskirts of Moscow.

Once the unbuckle sign flashed on, I was up and out of the plane before anyone other passengers. I don't know what possessed me to take off without my family but I did. Without the worry of a carry on or checked luggage I dashed to the exit eager to find Jacob. Barging through the doors, I was greeted with the bitter Russian air. When the frost brushed my face, it made me pause and redirecting my impulsive actions to clear my thoughts, I reminded myself that the plan I formed couldn't work without my family.

With taxi cabs flooding the drop off, sounds and frantic activity were over stimulating my brain. Before, I would have probably curled up in a ball crying out or shutting down, but I tackled my insecurities and my incompetence. Despite the obnoxious clamor of traffic and numerous citizens chit chatting and staggering around , I never felt more focused in my life. I'm stronger. I had to find Jake, I would find Jake. His life depended on me.

On tenterhooks, I hugged myself for warmth and hung around for what seemed like a time with no end. Standing outside, I was hoping that whatever connection I had to Jake was more prominent with his kidnapping and endangerment. I heard him in my mind once before and part of me believed I could do it again. Lifting my head to the sky, as a dog that sniffed out a scent, I attempted to ignore my surroundings and call to Jacob. However, I never received a reply, I only found myself gazing off to the South East.

My vision alternated back and forth between South and East, until a finger jabbed at my ribcage causing me to jump. Ready to defend myself, I swiveled round, only to be greeted with Leah's raised brow and Embry a few steps behind her, yawning.

"You couldn't wait?" she asked.

"Sorry," I muttered, with no real apology meant, as she walked past me.

"So this is Russia?" Leah question, even though it was a statement. Frowning at the traffic, she said, "Well, they can keep it."

Embry came to my side stretching, "Wow, Leah we've been here ten whole minutes and you've already managed to say something negative."

Nearly tripping, Embry catches himself and Leah's smirked saying," Are you that dumb that you can't multitask? It doesn't take to much brains to walk and talk."

"Shut up you genetic dead end."

At that, I turned to Embry wide eyed in complete surprise to his hurtful words.

"Too far," I grumbled with gritted teeth.

Looking over to Leah, I could see the hurt hding behind her eyes. My heart hurt to see it. When she was over the initial shock of Embry's words, her brows came together and she was fuming. Unable to hold back, she punched him in the shoulder. Hearing a crack, I saw Embry bring his hand to the spot where Leah hit him.

"Oww!" He cried.

Completely pissed, Leah walked over to the other side of me holding back tears. With her arms crossed she inhaled and exhaled deeply.

"Don't blow a gasket, I ain't a mechanic," Embry said looking over to Leah. Once he saw her true distress.

"Aww, I'm sorry Leah. It slipped out," he apologized while giving her a hug. Embry has always been the playful one and the caring type. He was a good man and I was witnessing his loving persona first hand.

Ignoring the mechanic comment, I tried to redirect the conversation.

"Moscow is actually quite beautiful, the culture, the architecture, churches and landmarks…"

From that point, I uselessly informed whom-ever was listening, that Moscow was nick-named the city of sixteen hundred churches before the country became a secular state. As I preceded to ramble on about Moscow, Embry's hand patted my shoulder. He knew my mind wasn't really on Russian culture, it was on only Jacob. I couldn't even look up at him, the heat from his touch was so eerily similar to Jake's. Ignoring the strokes on my back, I kept talking about the difference between Saint Petersburg and Moscow. Deliberately, Embry forced me into a bone crushing hug. Unable to return the affection, I allowed his warmth to engulf me. I shouldn't have accepted it, considering his feeling for me, but his scent was lighter than Jacob's and his heat was nearly identical. Closing my eyes, I left my arms at my sides and endured Embry's closeness while my brain with became overwhelmed with recollections of Jacob.

Once pulled apart, I blinked to relieve the stinging from my eyes and my lips partially curved upwards, giving him a pathetic excuse of a smile to show my gratitude for his support. Giving more appreciation I put my hand up, like I was preparing for a hand shake. When Embry's palm met my own, I thought, _Thanks _and sent images of Jacob's kidnapping to him. He reciprocated sadly stating, "Anything for you… guys."

Both he and I turned when we heard my aunt Alice's chiming voice call my name. She filed out the airport doors, with Jasper at her coattails. Both of their faces held a hard scowls but Aunt Ally still bounced when she walked to the curb.

"Should we wait for the rest?" Alice asked with her hand held high, focusing on hailing a cab.

"No, I told my parents the plan. First, we have to find out where the Volturi are."

Ally answered back watching the sky, " I can hardly get through Jacob to see the Volturi, I'm not sure where they are."

When she finished her statement, she pulled Jasper back underneath the shelter of the overhang. Slowly, the clouds parted way shining a portion of sunlight on the gum covered cement and damp asphalt. Alice went back to the curbside to hail a cab yet again, while I retorted, "They have to be at the compound."

" They're not at the compound Nessie. I tried really hard to see him there."

I obviously gave her a untrusting look resulting in Alice responding," Nessie I really did."

"It's okay Alice. If they're not there, I don't know where they'd be, where could they have taken Jake?"

Alice reached for Jaspers hand as she shrugged.

Not knowing where to begin searching for Jacob made me feel completely hopeless. _What if he's already dead?_

Interrupting my grim pessimistic thinking, Lilly's squeaky little voice resonated behind me. Looking back toward the sound, I saw Aunt Rose, beautiful as ever walking, no, gliding out the automatic doors, with a pink back pack fastened to her back. A few steps behind was Seth with an energetic Lilly clasping both her small hands to Seth's broad one. She walked a bit pigeon toed in her brown sheepskin boots but she looked adorable in her outfit and was appropriately dressed for a late Russian Spring. The cream sweater would keep her complacent and the dress was breezy enough for her not to overheat.

Observing the pair as they stepped out, Lillian's dark hair was barely long enough to stay in a pony tail and Seth looked a bit jet lagged, but he was gleaming as if he'd died and gone to heaven. They carried on their own dialogue. Suddenly, Lillian frowned and pouted her lips. Halting, she jerked away from Seth, crossed her knitted covered arms and whined, "I can't turn to wolf like you, I tried. I want to be a wolf like you."

Rolling my eyes, I growled to myself. I already had to deal with Jacob's kidnapping, Leah's presumption as well as her tears, I really didn't want to put up with Lillian's Rosalie like attitude today, I had things to accomplish.

Smiling brightly, Seth payed no mind to Lils temper. He only chuckled reaching for Lillian's hand saying, "You're not a wolf Lillian, you're like Nessie."

Fussing Lillian walked forward, "But she can talk to Uncle Jakey without talking. I can't do that either."

_True, she can't speak to Seth through her mind, but how did she know I could with Jacob? Maybe she was clairvoyant, but she could tell the future. _

Now at my side, Seth's brows pressed together befuddled. "Uhm, I'm not sure what you mean Lils."

Interupting Lillian's questioning, I greeted as excitedly as possible, "Hey, Lils." It was believable to a girl with a seven year olds mind.

"Hi! Nessie!" She exclaimed wrapping my thighs in a death grip. Squatting down I hugged back. By passing any small talk, I got to the point.

"Can you do something for me?"

Complying she bobbed her head up and down.

Scooping her up, I carried her over to a nearby bench and sat with her on my lap. Everyone else followed me.

"Lillian, can you tell me where Jake is?"

There was no answer from her, she only squeezed her lids tightly and wrinkled her nose, thinking. As she thought she began to whimper, the sound left agonized facial expressions on both Rosalie and Seth's face. The little girl pressed her face to my chest cowering within my hold.

"The bad people," she hissed into the polyester elastane blend of Jacob's jacket.

Clinching her closer, I spoke low into Lillian's ear, "We know that but where? Where?"

Taking her head from my breast, she peered up saying, "The wood town."

Bloody memories spilled over the dams I build in my head. That abandoned town in SouthEast Russia was a beautiful place but there was so much death surrounding it. There were only two battles held there against the Wawkalaks and Bodarks, and it was two to many. It was were Svetlana and Peter were killed and it's were Aro had Joseph murdered, only because he could carry the gene of the Wawkalak. If only Aro knew it was not inherited but the devil's curse.

My eyes watered when I began to think of the tainted goregous town. Perhaps, I held enough power over Aro that I could have manipulated him to not have gotten involved with the Russian werewolves,or I could have fled with Joesph and Lillian while the battles were taken place. The cylindrical church made of wood I hid away in was far enough from the village, that I may have been able to escape with the children unnotice. Ukraine isn't that far or maybe I could have even back tracked to Romania confusing the Volturi, if they should be on my trail. Stefan would have helped me, he despises the Volturi almost if not as much as I do.

"Nessie? Why are you crying?" Lilly wondered angling her head, her big blue eyes were rimming with tears too.

Absentmindedly I kissed the top of her crown and replied, "I just miss Uncle Jake so much."

Although that was true, that was my age appropriate answer for her. There were so many things I could have done, but it wasn't the time to think of what could have been, I needed to stay focused on retrieving Jacob, safely.

"Are you certain Jacob's at the wood town?" I asked Lillian.

"Certain?" she frowned, "What's certain?"

"It means you're positive. Do you promise that's where uncle Jake is?"

Nodding, Lillian hugged me. Reaching down Rosalie lifted an unsure Lillian as if she were as light as a doll.

An old blue van pulled up, sounding of a light honk of the horn. The sight of the chipping paint and a sputtering engine left Leah and Embry weary.

"Should we hitch a ride from this guy?" Leah whispered.

"It's fine," I replied actually cracking a real smile. If she only knew the taxi cab system in Russia didn't work the way it did in the States. In fact, hitchhiking and hailing a cab is a very thin line. It's a Russian tradition to drive strangers for a fee, so calling a commercial taxi cab service that charged double was just stupid.

Everyone said there goodbyes and good lucks. Leah and Embry stepped inside the van, then Ally and Jasper followed. Holding my hand up I stopped Rosalie who had Lils on her hip and Seth who now had the pink backpack on his back.

"Seth, you need to hang back with Rose and Lilly wait for the rest of my family. "

Giving orders to both Seth and Rose, I said, "Wait for my parents and the rest."

"Alright," Rose agreed, "What exactly should we do tonight?"

"Stay in a hotel, let me deal with the Volturi, if I'm not back by tomorrow afternoon, go to the compound. Bring everyone."

Impatiently, the older man that drove the van honked as Embry said, "Come on Ness!"

"Hold on!"

"Tomorrow, if you guys have to go to the compound, be on guard. There may be a fight and, I'm not sure if I'll be able to get the Wawkalak's help. Alice will call to keep you updated."

After leaving Lillian with a kiss and a hug to Seth and Rose I got into the van between Leah and Embry. Inside, the van was torn apart and not aging gracefully. This automobile had to be at least fifteen years old. There was an off scent that backed that up but I wasn't going to complain, we had to get from point A to point B. As we drove off, I swayed and felt the van creak over every bump and turn. Finally out of the airport traffic and on the streets of Moscow, the gray bearded man looked to his rearview mirrors asking, "Kuda ty ideshʹ?"

_Where, _was all I could recognize.

"Uh," I paused struggling to think of the correct wordage of my statement. Unable to think of the words I asked in English, " The closest train station?"

" Poezd? Train?"

"Yes," I nodded.

Directly, Leah blankly gazed out the window staring at Moscow State Historical Building.

"Beautiful isn't it?"

After I asked, Leah turned away pretending the architecture didn't put in in awe. She didn't want to contradict her ealier statement.

"Where are we heading to?" she asked.

"Vud goroda."

* * *

**Author's Note:** Holy COW! I actually posted after what, a month, or two? Reviewers get preview tothe next Chapter. Now, if you have any questions feel free to message me and thanks for all your guys' support and can't tell you how many times ya'll have said this is the best and most realistic Jake/Ness fanfic. SO thanks very much and I'm nearly done with part two. Update will be up soon.

**Thanks to: **.. , Renesmee Carlie Cullen xxx, Edwardlover4everr, Renesmee17, georgeisloved, Passwrit11, Ellakeat, Tami, anon, dirkab, gjmb2000, soundwave37, EfficientVixen, Lena0123, Rylie16, ScorpiousRoselover, Noblekorhedron, BlackPhoenix-2009, Randomeow, luv2beloved, pattyheartcake,


	79. hiatus

**Author's Note: **I hate to do this to you but I think I'm over this story**.** I went through the whole ordeal of my laptop being a piece of shit so, I got properly connected to the internet and I bought a new one, only to find out that I don't have enough memory to save a simple f***in word document. So I went a bought a flipping $50 USB drive to store all my documents, including my stories, my resumes, my school reports etc**. And GUESS WHAT! **My laptop was placed on my bed with the USB in and as my boyfriends shifted, moving the covers my laptop fell of my bed landing on its side literally snapping my USB into 5 pieces. I'm on the verge of tears because so much info was stored on that USB. Sometimes I feel shit only happens to me and** I'm even more upsest because I have been promising ya'll an update**. I had the next two chapters written out and now they're gone. I'm so sorry for letting those down who have been waiting for an update. SO this story is on an indefinate hiatus. If anything I will start re-editing from chapter one to get some sort of inspiration back.

I've appreciated all the support from you readers. PM if you have any questions or comments.

P.S. Fated will be delayed.


	80. Another authors note

DO NOT REVIEW! Hello all. Now, I had a review about my Moscow and St. Petersburg mix up along wig he Red Square. Ha! I laughed because whoever you are, you were the only one who noticed my mistake. I've known about this mixup for sometime but never fixed it. Also there are so many lose ends and holes in my story that it's ridiculous! All I have to say, is hopefully by the time Breakind Dawn comes out I will have motivation again. Strike that I will gain motivation again and it will get finished, I'm just consumed by life right now as well as my over story Fated, oh and my fictionpress. Sorry. And *fingers crossed* hopefully we'll hear that stephenie Meyer will decide to write a book from Ness and Leah's pov. Much love and happy reading! DO NOT REVIEW! DO NOT REVIEW! Спасибо за обзор! 


	81. Author's Note, YET AGAIN

My sincerest, and deep apologies for not finishing up this story. I've decided soon, I will begin to edit, and repost the chapters. Please, continue to be patient with me. Much Love to all, and Happy Reading! -3


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